TTC 10+ months Part 13

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Freedom - I missed you in the last post. I meant to say I am really sorry the IUI didn't work. It's perfectly natural to feel pessimistic after a negative outcome. You have another one and then IVF so hope is definitely not lost. A big hug and hand hold. x

doll I keep thinking I should pass them on to someone who would otherwise have to pay for their own drugs, we are still considering mild IVF, so I will keep them until we have ruled that out.

Sarlat I've had the scratching from one side to another before but this time it wasn't that sustained. My lap was in 1997, so not recent!

Good luck for you appointment rabbit. What's this one for? Whisky is the one thing I just can't drink. When I was a child I managed to get an infection where a tooth was coming though over Xmas. Of course all of the drs and chemists were closed, but we had a houseful of booze. My Dad suggested rinsing my mouth out with whisky as a temporary measure. I did, and promptly chundered EVERYWHERE. I haven't been able to stomach even the smell of whiskey since then. I think my dad was most disappointed - it was a complete waste of his good single malt!

doll I'm quite envious of you contemplating moving on. I'm not ready for that yet. But I do want the ttc misery to be over. I always said I would never do IVF. And yet here I am.

drizz has a good point, Madness. For full drug cycles, clinics will usually want at least one completely clear cycle in between, or recommend a gap of 12 weeks between starting cycles, etc. And bear in mind that if you get frosties, you will probably want to use those before moving on to another full cycle.

free sorry that AF seems to be on the way. Big birthdays and all wedding anniversaries are hard.

Sea X-posts. Yes, I have had my NK cells tested, and they were high. There is a lot of debate over the validity of the blood test for them though. Based on my result, I took some hardcore steroids during the luteal phase for 6 cycles, during which time I did 3x Letrozole, 1xnatural (when on holiday) and 2x IUI. At the end of it, I got my first ever abnormal smear - no one warned me that this can be a possible "side-effect" of the drugs (steroids are a risk factor for cervical abnormalities). The result came during my disasterous NHS half-cycle of IVF and massively added to the stress. Since then I have said, never again! I have no idea what my NK cells are doing now, but I haven't had any illness for a very long time.

PS sea I am at your MIL's antics. It brought to mind this Family Guy episode that was on last week:

www.tv.com/shows/american-dad/oedipal-panties-1072275/

The bath scene is particularly horrific, but it sounds like your MIL is only one step off!

freedom sorry about the family split. That's tough and understandable that you then think about your own relationship, I do that. Ttc takes up a big slice of what me and hare think and talk about and I wish it didn't. It travels round with us wherever we go and like lemon says, it's transformed anniversaries into sad tinged things. But I don't think ttc alone would be the wrecking of most relationships. Just possibly a crowbar in already existing significant cracks?

sea I really should test my nk cells, for what it's worth. But I do get bugs and viruses and things. Who knows.

So. Help from the 10plussers needed!!! Here is the upshot of what is most likely my last meeting with Dr Big.

1. He is concerned about my spotting and has referred me for a scan. Thrilling. But not a repeat prog test because my past two have been fine. 18 months ago I will be going back the GP to request my own.

1. Do I want 6 months clomid or an ivf referral. As if I make that decision on the spot! 2-3 months of clomid not an option and if I self fund IUI before ivf I won't get nhs finding. So, i can take 6 months monitored clomid with no IUI then refer for ivf OR get referred ASAP. Current waiting time 6 weeks. He thought I should try the clomid but then said but, your age is ticking along...

I'm immensely pissed off I can't choose my own time parameters for clomid or have the option of self funding IUI while I wait for ivf. I don't think clomid will work. But what if it did...

And if the scan reveals any kind of blob that might be contributing to the spotting I will actually go insane. Though I am convinced its hormonal as its so cyclical. I feel all in a tailspin. What would you do? I can't afford to not have a free ivf go. But I feel shoehorned into a timeframe I don't like.

Rabbit it's a tough one isn't it? It is really crap that they are bieng so inflexible. It just adds to the stress unnecessarily.

I don't understand why you would lose funding if you have private IUI (how would they even know?). Who set that stupid rule? Sure it is in the interest of the public purse to "allow" this because if the privately-funded treatment works, you save the NHS money! We had private IUI before IVF and I know a few people who had private IVF (that worked) whilst they were waiting for their NHS round.

If I remember rightly, you are unexplained and you ovulate - is that right?

Unless like me you just need to work up to the bigger treatments with baby steps, I wouldn't bother with Clomid. All it can possibly do is put two eggs where you are already putting one (and Letrozole didn't even manage that for me - I was only popping one egg on it). Realistically, if you haven't managed to conceive in X cycles with one egg there, what difference is a second one really going to make? With the benefit of hindsight, I feel that was a waste of money, although it did help me with the babysteps towards the bigger treatments. I can see that 6 weeks is a really short time to get your head around this - it took me a year to be ready for IVF from the time we got the go ahead and the drugs were delivered, ready for us to start! I did find that once I was in the system, my clinic was happy to postpone for a few cycles until I felt ready. It didn't put me to the back of the queue.

Fingers crossed that your scan is clear. x

sea sorry but your MIL sounds a bit too creepy for me that kind of shit would not be tolerated in my house, breakfast in bed while I am still there!!! Reminds me abit of Charlotte in SATC. Its supposed to be 6 months after ivf that you can apply for adoption but how are they going to know, I would imagine most couples keep trying and that is what I plan to do.

rabbit the question you need to ask yourself are you ready for IVF in 6 weeks??? Or do you need time to think about it more, I agree witjh euro about clomid and the eggs but then if its not costing you and you need more time you can try it, if its not for you then you don't hav eto keep taking the drugs. Don't rush any decisions that you are not comfortable with

free if your BIL has dumped your SIL and is already shacked up with some other woman, the your poor SIL is lucky that she is not stuck with the selfish git or having his baby, better to have a baby with someone who loves you for who you are not whether you can reproduce. She must be devastated. It doesn't mean your marriage will end up the same.

euro it's a new stipulation of my pct since reinstating ivf, if you self fund ANYTHING no ivf. It doesn't make sense to me either, if I had a couple of Iui cycles and it worked theyre quids in. I'm not sure I need baby steps in terms of being messed with, the op has sorted that. But I do psychologically find it hard to accept ill be going for the big guns without trying smaller things first. What if I do have a progesterone deficiency or hostile cm. but I guess if ivf works it doesn't matter. Not that I think it will. Hare wants me to stop saying that.

rabbit It's interesting that euro feels the same as me about Clomid. If I could go back in time I wouldn't take it. I think I only took it because I was on the waiting list for IVF and thought it wouldn't do any harm and would help while away the time. In actual fact in my mind it did more harm than good in that it made me homicidal and fat. Just what you need when you feel about as attractive as a brick anyway where TTC has already eroded any confidence in your feminine wiles. Brings to mind some line in a programme I was watching a while ago (can't remember what) where someone was described as "barren as a brick" Made me laugh. I think most dangerously it got my hopes up that it might be the miracle pill. Of course it wasn't because there is no evidence that it helps ovulating women with unexplained infertility. It just made those cycles even harder when the witch inevitably rocked up. Anyway, that's my overview.
It's good that Dr Big is looking at your spotting. I too hope that no blob appears on the scan unless it's a surprise baby shaped blob

sea I laughed at the thought of your MIL climbing into bed with you and MrSea. Cripes.
I don't really know about the coffee thing. I guess that if you have managed to come this far you might as well carry on! I am very impressed. There is nothing on Gods earth that could persuade me to drink Soya milk! As a thought, MrP sometimes drinks almond or oat milk as an alternative to Soya. He reckons that's nice. Maybe you could try that?

lemons It's good that you don't feel pressurised and can do another couple of goes of IUI. Ideally I would have liked that. Kind of a break in before I reached the Boss Level

sarlat thanks for your advice about the drugs. That's a good idea

nelly The cold packs came with the box of refrigerated drugs you should phone your clinic and demand them because they are proper Thermos branded ones Oh how what a skip down memory lane we will have when MrP produces those on a picnic.
at MrNelly and the wifi. It's amazing what a freebie can do!

doll I totally agree with you how post IVF cycles will probably feel less likely to succeed. I know that a failed IVF cycle (which will be our last because we only get one funded fresh cycle) will for me be the equivalent of some booming voice from above telling me the dream is over.

madness MrP likes to collect whisky too and even keeps the more fancy/stylish empty bottles. Packing empty bottles of booze everytime we move is beyond irritating!

freedom I understand your fears for the future but like rabbit said I think while TTC can put an enormous strain on a relationship I think it is only the death knell if there are other problems besides infertility.
I am so sorry that your IUI wasn't successful. Benchmarks are crap. I too comfort myself with the "I'll be pregnant/a mother by next Christmas" and then get all despondent when it doesn't happen - again. It's a shitty situation.

I have taken everyones advice and hidden the drugs and trying to distract myself and not think about the impending CD1. Today I have made MrP a birthday present (we don't really do presents but homemade is okay!). He will probably think it is naff but I have printed out and framed some of the lyrics of one the songs we had at our wedding (it was our anniversary too yesterday so it's kind of pertinent!).

Waves to everyone

Bloody hell rabbits that's a bit of a shock re possible ivf in 6 weeks. I think you'd need to feel ready for it. It's such a tough thing to do, I really do think you have to want to do it, as much as anyone ever actually wants to. I agree with euro that the NHS wouldn't know about any private ivf ! My drs doesn't have a clue about all our cycles. I really do hope the scan is all ok. So many people have spotting that i refuse to believe it's indicative of anything. Btw thanks for offering to believe for me last weekend! That cheered me up.

freedom sorry about the iui cycle. You are not your BIL/SIL and I'm sure wont end up like them. Big hugs.

Aww doll thanks for your nice words. Hope you are doing ok. I thought I was ok with getting towards what feels like the end of ttc, but last weekend showed that really I'm not. All the crap surrounding your future and the 2ww can't be an easy combo. Hang in there lady.

euro hope you are ok too. I found after stims the progesterone chilled me out, but I was a crazy beatch on the gonal f! You and doll have both remained so calm. I am impressed!

sea when is your otd??

Can't remember what else I wanted to say! It's been a hard week with feeling shite after the flu i cried cos i felt so tired! but we're off for a nice boutique night away now and I can't wait. Gotta go but hope you all have lovely weekends when they arrive.

Happy anniversary pout. Well done on the drug hiding. Mine found a long term home in the top compartment of the door. That way, I don't see them when I open the fridge to look for something.

In Scotland it's the same. You are entitled to 2 funded cycles but every one you self-fund comes off that allowance . They know through the HFEA. The last time I saw my NHS consultant he implied that might be changing. Rabbit can you say yes to the clomid but then not take all 6 months worth? Or say yes to the IVF but then tell them you are unwell when you are due to start to delay it a bit?

Pout, I'm still none the wiser as to what you do with the cold packs though . All instructions are to keep warm?? Happy anniversary by the way! I'm planning on printing up readings, vows, lyrics etc into a sort of collage . I remember your wedding and the stresses leading up to it. Can't believe that's a year.

nelly the cold packs are to keep the drugs cool in transitt, before they reach the fridge.

We only go crappy disposible ones.

nelly some of the drugs have to be stored in the fridge and the cold packs are provided to keep them cold during the time they are on the courier's delivery van

I really like your collage idea. I intended on doing that until we had the car crash wedding!!! I have only just printed off some photos. Next stage is being able to face framing them and looking at them every day MIL's gurning face still makes me want to do murderous things Baby steps

thanks for your kind words ladies, specially rabbit and lemon I am feeling a bit better, Work has gone well today. And I am going out tonight.

buzzy yep. that exactly.

seaview my MIL also babies DH a bit, but doesn't iron his pants. Just socks. She doesnt know about our TTC. I wish she did sometimes but they never even mention it, just look really sad. Good luck to you. My mum on the other hand drives me nuts always wanting know to know what is happening.

Gin Thanks, must keep saying that to myself. Enjoy your boutique trip away.

Pout you softie romantic - I love stuff like that. I often sing DH lyrics from a song from our wedding at unromantic moments, like folding clothes

rabbit what a bind. I wasn't ready for IVF referral either but I couldnt stand another 6 months on metformin with my gynae so I just went for it.

fingers still crossed for euro and doll.

Hello ladies. Have escaped to a cafe after a full on day with no breaks . I like being busy but feeling that you don't even have time for a loo break is taking it too far. That will have to change when I'm being instructed to drink gallons of milk and water.

I hope you're just busy joy and you'll be back with an update soon. I'm sure I'm not the only one missing you.

Glad to know that ovaries in hiding are normal sea. I think if they can't find it next time they will send me for a "proper" scan as opposed to the gynae drs doing it themselves in the clinic.

pout happy anniversary . I made the mistake of starting to try on our first anniversary so it has become a benchmark of how long this is taking. But we still try to do something special. I keep meaning to print out our vows and frame them. Not for public display, mind, just for somewhere in our bedroom perhaps.

rabbit that is a huge decision. I don't understand either why they would discourage people from self funding IUI. I kind of understand why the Scottish system says that you lose nhs rounds if you self fund ivf while thinking that it's pretty miserable at the same time since the chances of it working decrease after 3 I think and they can't justify it on public expenditure if the prognosis isn't good. But since they only fund two rounds I think you should be able to pay for one yourself while you're waiting to get to the top of the list without being penalised. 6 weeks is a remarkably short wait for treatment and I agree with others that you should try to step back and make sure that you're comfortable with it. I can't really wade into the clomid debate because I know exactly what is causing my problems and clomid wouldn't help at all. Ivf is our only hope bar a miracle.

free glad you're feeling better and sorry for the family dramas. I have friends who have been torn apart by unemployment and bereavements and I know that it can be the same with fertility problems. You know your own relationship and how strong it is. I feel like all of this sh*t - including IF, the death of a parent, Alzheimer's, Unemployment and more - has made us much stronger as a couple. I suppose there has to be a silver lining [wrysmile].

I thinks other list is a good idea lemon. Might encourage some newbies to delurk if they see who we are and where we are at. I am just about to lose my free wifi so will add my details tonight.

Big waves to gin nelly sar euro and doll and everyone else I've missed.

Free - so sorry af arrived, do something nice for yourself. Big hugs, I know its horrible.

Sea - your mil sounds crazy but lovely. I say have that coffee

Rabbit and euro - have some thoughts for you both but am in a mad crazy rush tonight so will be back tomorrow.

Hello to all

pout I kept some of those ice packs thinking they would be handy and happy anniversary

Ohhhh. The cold packs are for the drugs. Ah, that explains it. Up here in the frozen north, there is no need to artificially chill things.

Freedom sorry the IUI didn't work. The whole thing is a big fat pain in the arse isn't it?

Sea I'm not sure how I'd feel about the MIL in the bedroom scenario. I think my own mum is a bit lacking in boundaries sometimes, never mind the MIL. I too am wondering about Joy and hoping her absence is pregnancy exhaustion and nothing more.

Gin are you starting to feel any better?

Hmm right must go and pour myself a rum. I had decided after a boozy wedding/honeymoon period that abstinence was necessary, but it's boring. So I'm having a drink .

Hi guys

A slightly quieter day at work so thought I'd do a bit of a catch up.

sar did you ovulate yet? I so hope you caught the golden egg this time. How are you feeling in the new job, now the dust has settled a bit?

madness that is crap that you haven't had any breaks today - poor you! Outrageous that you don't have time to go to the loo. Humph. But it is brilliant that IVF is in sight though. I bet you can't wait to get on with it.

sea at your MIL. Actually though, it reminds me that when I was first dating MrC, my mum would threaten to come in with a cup of tea for me in the morning when we stayed at my parents. I chased her away and she never did it again - MrC was horrified at the prospect! She means well.

free so sorry you've been having a rough time of it. Good luck with your last IUI - I hope it's the lucky one for you two.

euro not long now. You're amazing for getting through this 2ww. I agree that it's impossible to read the symptoms - although of course I can't imagine not doing that - you just don't know. But you have every chance of this working - you have a good, strong embie and I hope with all my heart that it is busy making itself comfortable in there.

doll you're amazing. I really know what you mean about wanting to know the end of the story and put all this behind you one way or another. It is exhausting to have to have so much brain space and emotional energy sucked up by it.

nelly the love collage sounds like a gorgeous idea. I say go for it! I did something similar with my wedding album which I did online. It was fun! Hope you're staying warm up there.

pout happy first anniversary! I hope you're celebrating tonight with something suitably romantic and nice. at the 'fertility bag' - the horror! Also, I totally understand the feeling repulsed sensation. It is bloody horrible as a process, it feels like you're basically turning your body into an egg farm, and the emotional stress of it all is no joke. But. We are here to hand hold. And you are incredibly, incredibly courageous and brave to be doing this. You're going to have one lucky little baby.

joy are you ok? Thinking of you.

gin aw I am sorry you've been so sick. A boutique night away sounds like just the ticket. Hope you have a lovely, lovely time and thoroughly spoil yourselves!

rabbit hope today's appointment has gone well. Virtual paw squeeze and tail feather fluff. And wow on the possible IVF soon.

lemon you are so wise about the relationship stuff around this. It is so hard, and so important to keep talking. I'm really glad that SB is feeling better and that the two of you are staying close. You've really had a shit time of it, and I think you're a hero for ploughing on.

mrsd I may be joining you in the spring on your IVF cycle - more on that in a bit. Hope you're feeling ok.

buzz big wave to you lovely. V interesting chat about the adoption.

So guys, I have a dilemma. I don't know if I have ovulated or not. On Friday I spotted a tiny bit. Then on Saturday my temp shot up and stayed there for three days before coming back down again (although it wasn't necessarily accurate as I woke up at weird times every day that it was high). FF gave me a dotted cross-hatch... but I didn't seen any EWCM, unlike my lone ovulation in December, and my temp is now back down below the coverline. I am still getting the odd ovary twinge, but it's CD 41 and I don't know if/when I'm going to ovulate again.

So... I'm thinking that it might be easier to just be done with it and stop trying to work out when my rogue body will decide to ovulate, go back to the doc and sign myself up for IVF after all. I think he'd want me to do long protocol, which would mean three weeks on the pill first. Just to complicate things, I am going on holiday (skiing...eek) in seven weeks' time... so if I'm going to get a cycle in before then, I'd need to crack on soon. It might be easier to just have sex when I feel like it and outsource the conception part. Argh. Wondering whether to email the doc and ask his advice. Sorry for the me me me. Waves to all... and thank heavens it's nearly Friday, hooray!

critter you've given it a go naturally so if you feel ready for IVF then it can't hurt speaking to the doc, I am very excited about adoption, more than I am about IVF to be honest

Critter I think timing-wise you would be in danger of being away at the crucial time. First they would need to give you something to induce a bleed (probably), the 3 weeks of Pill, then 2-3 weeks of downregging and maybe 10 days of stimms. Unless you were away for the Pill part, it would be a nightmare I reckon. Even people who don't downreg as badly as I did tend not to feel great on the drugs. And during stimming you have giant uncomfortable ovaries. Just a few things to think about.

BTW, I am back in your neck of the woods for blossom season. It's much cheaper to fly out on Saturday than Sunday for my meetings the following week, so I will have a free day on Sunday 21st April, if you fancy coming out to play?

Nooo euro I am on a poetry retreat in southern Missouri that weekend. Argh. Back that Sunday night though so could hang out during the week? Thanks for the advice on timings - I will chill and wait a bit longer then talk to the doc in a couple of weeks. Maybe I could do a cycle in April/May.

buzzy you are going to make such a fab mum.

critter I think we will all be great mums, I feel by next year I'll have a child one way or another :) just need Barry to stop dragging his heels

That's a shame, Critter. I am around until Thursday though, so hopefully we can sort something out before I go (Tuesday night might work?). It would be lovely to see you again.

I think we will all be great mums. We will appreciate it so much more because of what we have been through.