Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Hi all..... I've been lurking here for ages and not posting until today. I thought id check in.... Thanks so much for asking after me star.
I'm doing okay.... Ups and downs and have had some more time off work.... Bens first birthday is now only a couple of months away and I'm trying to deal with it already and make plans for how we are going to mark this day. I keep thinking how things were so different this time last year - I was preparing for maternity leave from work and winding down for one.....
Welcome to the new people here - sorry to meet you under these circumstances but hope you find this a supportive network. Lurking or posting, I've found it a very supportive place to be.
missa thinking of you and good luck with the 2ww.
star how's things with you and ttc?
Everyone else - how is life?
And of course our pg ladies - how are you finding things? You must be 12 weeks by now all of you?
bluesky I'm so sorry to hear your news.... There is still hope although I know how difficult it is to find that now. I also had a mc in March - it was our rainbow conception since losing Ben and it set us back a little. So sad and sometimes life is just cruel. As I say, I'm so sorry.

johud welcome to our little corner, I'm so sorry to hear about your little boy and hope you find some sort of solace here, I think most of us have. Its good that you have very supportive family and friends round you, that is so important. Good luck with your TTC, it really does bring back hope after all we've been through. I hope that happenes soon. I am on the 2ww after losing our first daugther on xmas eve last year at 34 weeks.

Bluesky how are you feeling? Enjoy a few more glasses of before you decide whether to get back on the TTC rollercoaster. I know its the first thing I'll be doing if I dont get a BFP. And dont be stressed by feeling old, nowadays women are having babies older than ever. Did you see that woman on "Midwives" who had her first baby at 48? Gosh I could have slapped that old midwives face when she said "Im not sure older people have really thought about how much energy it takes to look after a baby, and how much responsibility it is" Ooooh made my blood boil .

By the way, am I the only one who puts myself through the misery of watching every episode of "One Born Every Minute" and now the new BBC one? Feels almost masochistic but I just cant help it...

Owl not sure if it was the wedding this weekend or its next weekend...hope it was as easy at it possibly could be if its already happened, did you have to cope with any IPBs or unsensitive relatives?

Little how are you doing?

Jules know how you feel about the upcoming birthdays, so tough isnt it? I have already told DH that I dont want to be here over xmas (our little girl died on xmas eve) so I want to go away for a few days, just the two of us. He said he hoped his family wouldnt feel upset (we usually spend it with them) but to tell the truth I think this first anniversary has to be just about us...

AFM - yes as expected I'm obsessing and knicker-checking every 10 mins. The seconds are ticking by soooo much slower than usual. Bought some early response Pstix from Ebay and theyre sat there shouting at me "use me use me". I'm giving it at least 8 or 9 days more. Well thats the plan anyway....

Waves to everyone I've forgotten xx

Hi all, sorry it's been so long. The wedding all went well, all the family were delighted to hear our news, a few tears too! We were able to tell quite a few just before the wedding, which helped to keep the focus on the bride and groom on the day, as the last thing we wanted was to take away any of their attention. I wasn't too bad on the day, felt a bit grotty, but generally ok. Thanks for all your kind thoughts, really helped me. I chatted to another pg woman there, and that was kind of nice as ov she knew nothing about our past and was just chatting generally about how it was going etc.

Lots has been happening here. ORM sounds like you are having a tough time atm. Moving house and going back to work are both very big things to deal with, just take your time over the work issue. As Star said, could you go back part time or work from home at all? There is no right time to go back, don't push yourself. Good luck with your diet too, what a great incentive to lose weight! I will be thinking of you.

MissA i hope you've got your feet up reading this! Good advice about questions for the consultant, thanks. I always start crying too, so will definately make a list.

Blue i'm thinking of you at the moment, makes me remember how lucky i am to be pg again. I hope you are feeling a little better, i know what you mean about living to conceive and not just living, i wish i could give some words of advice, sadly not.

Welcome johud, sorry to hear about your son. I'm so glad you have supportive friends and family around you, it really makes a big difference when people are kind, doesn't it? I don't know how far back you have read, but i lost my daughter due to the cord being tightly round her neck, she was starved of oxygen during the birth and died at 3 days old. The ladies on here are fab and have helped me begin to deal with the most difficult thing that i have ever experienced. It took us 19 months to conceive the first time, then 9 months this time, so have faith.

jules welcome back, hope you are having some good ideas about the anniversary and how to mark it.

Tomorrow would be my daughter's birthday. Feel strangely detached from this fact, can't imagine her being 1, although i still clearly remember holding her in my arms for the first time when she was 1 day old, the weight of her. I was going to make a cake, but iv'e run out of time, maybe i'll make one tomorrow night, it's not too late.

Cross post with you there missa glad all is well atm.

No IPBs thankfully! The family children are between 6 and 2, made me a little sad my daughter wasn't with them playing. Maybe at the next event it will be different.

How early a response is early response? Like a week before missed period?

Owl I am thinking of you and your little girl today on her birthday. Sending lots of love to you, your DH, your little angel and her baby brother or sister xxx

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone.

MissA So sorry to hear about your daughter, and good luck with the 2WW, I so hope you get your BFP. I will be avidly refreshing, waiting for your good news!

Owl Congratulations, so nice that you are pregnant with your rainbow - wishing you a very happy, healthy pregnancy, although I know you must be anxious. Let everyone take care of you for the next few months! I hope you and your hubby are having a gentle day today - happy birthday to your little angel xx

Jules I keep doing exactly the same thing as you - thinking about this time a month ago, this time 2 months ago. I hope you find some peace and you are able to celebrate Ben's 1st birthday in a lovely way.

AFM, I'm confused by OPKs today, I didn't use them when we were ttcing last time. We started SMEP at the beginning of this cycle, after my first postnatal period, which was 10 days long and ridiculously heavy. I'm on CD19 today and have had 2 faint lines the last two days, then today, nothing. Usually I feel O very strongly, and I know everything is tickedy-boo down there as I had an ultrasound last month. Pretty sure I haven't ovulated yet, but does the faint line mean O was on its way? Have I missed my surge if it's now gone back to no line? Think my cycle is a bit all over the place, so frustrating!

Going to our first SANDS support meeting next week - looking forward to talking to some RL people who have been through this, but scared I will be a complete wreck...

Owl I know what a difficult day it will be for you today, sending you and DH big hugs and hoping you get through it as well as you can x

Glad the wedding went ok, they really are minefields at the best of times. It is so generous of you not to want to "steal the limelight" from your brothers special day. Good to hear about the abscence of IPBS too, I was thinking about you and hoping you wouldnt have one forced (maybe well-intentionally) into your arms.

An early response test can show positive up to 6 days before your next periods due, apparently. But I've read about them giving positives that turn out to be chemical pregnancies later on, so dont want to test too early then get my hopes up only to have them dashed...

Hugs to all xx

johud our posts crossed over, I wasnt ignoring you! Thanks for the good wishes, I would absolutely love to be posting some good news on here soon! I'm afraid I cant help you with your question, in fact I dont even know what an OPK is but I'm sure someone will be along soon and give you some great advice. Good luck with your Sands meeting, everyone say theyre fantastic. I've never been but I would imagine being a complete wreck is the norm and nothing to worry about as everyone will understand

owl thinking of you and your gorgeous Angel today. I hope you have managed to mark this extra special day in such a way that has brought you some peace. Hugs x

Hi Johud I found my local sands group really helpful, I hope you do too. I was really nervous before the first one and cried almost the whole way through, but EVERYONE cries. I can't help with normal OPKs I'm afraid, I used the CB digi ones this time (like you I had never used them before but wanted to know that my body was "working" and ovulating). The CB digi ones mean you don't need to work out how dark the line is, it just gives you a smiley face if you are good to go, idiot proof!

Owl I've been thinking of you all day, hope you are holding up ok.

Waves to everyone else.

Hello ladies. Sorry I've been absent for a bit. My broadband router packed up and have only just got a new one and caught up with thread.

Bluesky - so so sorry for your mc. Sending big hugs your way. It's just so bloody unfair.

Miss - glad all went well with transfer. Hope it is a sticky little bean. Got everything crossed for you.

Johud - sorry you find yourself here. They are all very lovely supportive ladies. Good luck with ttc.

Star - nice to have you back :)

As for me. Today I am pregnant (and it's hopefully still alive). Am now 6.5 weeks. It's dragging so much! Have slightly sore boobs but that's about it, but early days yet. Didn't get any sickness with the last two so may be lucky again. I so hope this one works out. Don't think I can cope with a 4th pregnancy and no baby!

Waves to everyone I have missed and hope you are all ok, xx

Hi guys, thanks for all your good wishes. We ended up just having a normal day really, both went to work, couldn't get to the grave as the place closes at 5. We will go on sat (anniversary of her death).

Really helped to know you people were thinking of her, lots of friends in RL remembered too and text supportive messages which also really helped. I did think about telling work colleagues about the pregnancy but didn't feel quite right somehow.

johud I'm sorry I don't know anything about those OKPs. We used the clear blue monitor, I didn't manage to actually get it to work tho! I think things can be a little erratic after giving birth, it could take a little time to get back to your usual cycle unfortunately.

Hope the SANDS meeting is good and it helps, talking to those who have been there always seems easier to me.

Waves to everyone, missa I hope you have your feet up!

Hello everyone, not posted here for a bit, have been sidetracked by the mc threads.
owl well done for getting through the day, was thinking of you and still will be tomorrow. Glad the wedding was ok and without any ipbs.
little so glad you're doing ok, and hope the lack of symptoms carries on. Are you having an early scan or do you have to wait? Are you on any meds this time?
star when you say you found the sands meetings helpful, what was it that was helpful - just the fact there are others going through the same sort of thing? I have had a couple of people essentially suggest i meet others as it might help me, but for some reason i find myself not wanting to. Just wondering about it atm. I don't know why I don't want to really.
Btw is your anniversary date on the 9th? Have you got plans for what you might do? Hope you're feeling ok.
jules glad you're back (you might not recognise me under my new name but I used to have a well known search engine in my name. Sadly I changed because I was pg, bit pointless now). Any sign of your cycle sorting out or help from a gp?
missalex hope you're still taking it easy and yet managing to take your mind off things a bit.
johud I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but another warm welcome. I hope you find this thread useful, I certainly have. My beautiful boy was stillborn in April at 36weeks due to the placenta coming away before labour started and causing a massive bleed. I am blessed with 3 other dcs who are lovely (and sometimes I feel I shouldn't be on this thread as wanting 4 dcs is greedy) but they have had their own struggles with the loss of their brother, and I miss him even more when I look at his older brother who looked so much like him at birth. I got pregnant again on our first cycle of trying since E died, but lost this one as well, at 6 weeks.
I'm afraid I know nothing about opks or any of that, but there are loads of threads in conception, and in the miscarriage section (which I've been in a lot this week) I'm sure someone will be able to answer your questions there.
Misschord , orm , anyone lurking I hope you're ok?

Afm the mc is finished, which I'm v glad about and I feel really well, surprisingly. I actually feel pretty positive, and I'm trying to get on with things as either I will end up having a baby in which case I'll feel ill for months and wish I'd enjoyed this time where I don't feel ill, or I won't have a baby in which case there's nothing I can do other than try to get on with things. Does that make sense or am I kidding myself and in denial?!

We're not ttcing again yet, will wait til after af as one of the few signs something might be going wrong with the placenta again is poor growth so I want to be sure of dates.
The only thing I'm struggling with is the thought that things were so straightforward previously, and maybe something has now changed and I can't carry to term any more either because my hormones have changed or something or I'm getting too old. It's stupid really, the cons said it was really unlikely to happen again, and the mc was really early and no one thinks its likely to be related. But I can't help thinking it, and I hate the idea that we might have to cope with E's death with no rainbow. I feel bad even posting this here; it's not that I'm not grateful for the dcs I have, I know I'm so lucky to have them.

Mammoth post, sorry!!

Owl I'm thinking of you and your little girl today xxxxx

Blue I found it helpful to be able to say exactly how I was feeling without worrying about frightening people, being inappropriate or people just thinking I was strange. I also met one very lovely friend through my local group who has been a huge support to me. I do know that they are not for everyone though and it really does depend on the other people there. My counsellor warned me before my first meeting that they can sometimes be quite unhelpful as everyone's experience is different. If you do go then I think it is important to have an open mind and recognise that it might not suit you.

Ps- I know what you mean about worrying that something has gone wrong and you won't be able to have more children, I worry about the same thing. And you are not greedy at all for wanting another baby, the pain is the same (but different) for all of us, it's just different types of c**p, but the pain is the same. I haven't said that very eloquently at all, but hopefully you know what I'm trying to say!

Yes it is my little boys birthday on Monday, we are planning to go to his "spot" and then on a big long walk along the coast (even if it is raining). I actually found Thursday the hardest day of all so far, the 5th last year was the last day that everything was ok and I was running through endless "what ifs" in my mind, I woke up in floods of years and was crying on and off all day.

Hi to everyone else, I really hope you are doing ok.

Tears.... Not years...

star thinking of you x

Owl hope today is not too hard on you and Mr Owl. Sending you a big hug xx

owl thinking of you and your precious angel today x

Hi everyone, yes, I have been lurking, reading avidly every night but have just completed my first week back at work since losing my DD in July - feeling very weird about it all but it's just something else to learn to do I guess.

I was thinking of you on your DD's b'day, Owl, and will be for you too on Monday Star. I can't imagine how hard that is. Well done for getting through it, although I realise that comment is a bit redundant as there isn't really any choice.

Following my daughter's footling breech birth, I have been offered an appointment on Monday with a consultant obstetrician to ask any follow up questions I may have. I don't really have any questions BUT she is also the main infertility consultant. I have been referred to her to discuss fertility issues twice before by my GP, and both times I have found out a few days beforehand that I am pg, once with my living son, and once with my daughter. So I felt like keeping the appointment would be kind of a good luck charm, and that I would miraculously be pregnant by Monday. I am on CD25 and determined not to test yet, but fx. Yes, I know I am just setting myself up for more disappointment!

johud I think you are absolutely right for ttc again straight away. Good luck. Waves to everyone else. xxx

Happy first birthday to my wonderful little boy, my star. I can't believe it has been a year since I held him in my arms. I miss him more than words can say xxxx

Star I wish you had your little boy in your arms right now, I'm thinking of you and your DH today xx

star happy birthday to your precious angel... Wishing you a peaceful and gentle day. Thoughts are with you x

Thinking of you and your ds today star . Hope the walk and the sea helped give you some peace xx