Rainbow babies. Remembering our angels, riding the rollercoaster and hoping for little rainbows and sunshine.

[Little9]

An angel in the book of life wrote down our babies births. And whispered as she closed the book...too beautiful for this earth.

Fingers crossed for rainbows and BFPs for everyone!

Hi all, I'm back from holiday. Have had a lovely time, thanks for your kind wishes.

Welcome to augustmoon and scaredy. I lost my daughter in September 12 at 3 days old. She was born at 38 weeks, the cord was wrapped 3 times round her neck and she was starved of oxygen during the birth, resulting in severe brain damage. I am now pg with my rainbow. I hope the 12th was not too painful for you august, and you managed to mark Jacob's birthday in some way. Me and dh are unsure how to mark our daughter's birth and death, it's not really possible to take the day off work for her birthday for me, although the death is a Saturday, so will be off that day.

Congratulations to you scaredy, midwife sounds interesting. Private midwife is very expensive, have you considered a doula? Cheaper but can offer birth and pregnancy support.

Google i hope you are well, i so sympathise with what you are saying about thinking about Eddy all the time. I do now find, 11 months on that my feelings are less painful, less all consuming. It's a bit like the sharp edges are beginning to be worn away, the memory is calmer and softer. It's not right in the front of my brain all of the time. I still have moments of helplessness, me and dh still cry at times, but it is less painful to live with. I don't think i'll ever be the same person, and i wouldn't want to be, but i do feel better day to day. Being able to share the memories with dh helps me too. I'm sure you will move forward to a space where the feelings and memories are less tiring. I am thinking of you and your family.

misschord you are being a very good stepmum to be supportive in a practical way during your sd's son's illness. Ok, you have issues with her behaviour but the fact you can put that to one side and help her so recently to your own loss is amazing in my opinion. I'm glad her son is recovering now. 5 weeks is really no time at all, go easy on yourself. In time you will be able to either talk to your sd about how you feel or decide not to, that will be your decision. Families are difficult, you can't just avoid them like 'friends' who upset you unfortunately, as i'm sure you know! I am thinking of you and your dh.

missalex Thanks for your kind words. I hope you are well, and the IVF is going well too. Me and my dh have everything crossed for you, please rest and think calming thoughts.

bluesky not sure if i know you but the photo sounds lovely, how kind of you to be thinking of us all. I so know what you mean about avoiding the poas, let us know if you change your mind about it!

little keeping fingers crossed here. The waiting is the worst, waiting to ov, waiting to poas, then waiting for the next month's chance. I have been waiting to bring a baby home for over 3 years now, doesn't get any easier does it? you have support in place now remember, so stay positive if you can.

Well, if you are still reading this epic, well done! It's my dating scan tomorrow, so, so nervous. It's at 8:30am, so at least not much time to panic before it. me and dh keeping everything crossed for good news. The holiday has been a good distraction tbh, and there is absolutely no indication that there is anything wrong at all, but still...

Roll on tomorrow at 8:30am!

waves to everyone else, will update tomorrow!

Good luck for tomorrow, owl. Got everything crossed all is ok.

blue sky fingers crossed. It's so nerve racking isn't it? Just take your time and if at still doesn't show do a test when you feel able.

scaredy can't believe how uncaring your midwife is. I would go with private option if u can afford it or at least ask for a different mw if u can. losing Daisy and Lily has taught my DH and I to demand whatever you feel is right. Don't expect the professionals to know what they're doing or that they even care. I am not normally a negative person but I just can't help feeling that if we had pushed for a stitch last time, we may have a bouncing baby girl in our arms.

misschord glad your SD's son is on the mend.

missalex still thinking of you and sending you loads of good vibes.

Can't quite get my head around it but I had a faint bfp this morning. Will have to do another poas in a few days to make sure. Don't have any feelings of excitement, just dread. DH just said he'll not get excited until we get past 24 weeks. That's so far away. Omg. I really can't cope with a third Angel baby.

Waves to everyone, xxx

Thanks little and great news! I really hope the line gets darker. You have a good health plan in place this time. Take it one day at a time. You are so strong, you and dh can do this.

You do know me, owleena . You're prob just having your scan around now (not sure of time in uk) fingers currently crossed tightly that everything is fine and the sonographer is kind. Thanks for saying how you feel further down the line - I can imagine that, and actually now that I'm thinking I could be pg, that has softened how I feel too - I still wish E was with us, but I can - tentatively - begin to look forward to the future anyway if that makes sense?
Btw can you see the photo if you click on my profile? (Not done it before).

little I nearly squealed in excitement at your post! I was so hoping you would be. It's the at conception I tell you! I can only imagine those feelings of fear you must have though :( I'm scared enough, and burying my head in the sand by not testing til I get home. Fingers crossed all the way with you.

scaredy I'm sorry your mw was so crap. Is she part of a group or couple of mws that serve your gp practice? You might be able to see a different one in future? When I was pg with E I happened to see just one mw all the way through my pg (and because she knew that she made sure it was her I saw after my loss too, as she was lovely) even though there were others that I could have seen. Hope you find someone else whichever way; don't put up with not getting the support you need.

misschord glad to hear he's doing well, hope you're finding time now to look after yourself too x

missalex hope the ivf is going straightforwardly and your hormones aren't playing up too much. Thinking of you.

Afm dh actually asked yesterday when af was due, was mildly amusing:
Dh: when is af due?
Blue: umm... Last tues.
Dh: last tues?!
Blue: mmm.
Dh: ...

Hi guys. We have had the scan and saw a wiggly baby and a strong heartbeat. Measurements looked good too. I am 11 weeks 2 days so could only just do the measurements.

Such a sense of relief, thanks for all your good wishes. As Dh says we are over the second hurdle and i feel i can relax a little now, at least until the next scan! Think the sands sticker on my notes may have helped, no one mentioned it but no one asked questions like is it your first blah, blah, blah.

Bluesky v exciting! is a week late unusual for you? are you still planning to poas on your return?

Little thinking of you too.

Oh bluesky don't think you've made your profile public as i can't click on your name to access it to look at the photo? Or maybe it's me, not sure.

Great news owl. So glad is well and that you didn't get loads of questions fired at you.

Bluesky- got everything crossed for you. Think I may have to poas tomorrow to see if it's any darker. If so I then better ring the doctor and consultant. Why is that so scary!!!!

Hi everyone,

I'm afraid I'm getting a bit lost with the name-changing so bear with me I'll just blame it on the hormone treatment!

Star no probs if you dont feel like being around for a while, just come back when you feel up to it. If there was an emoticon for hugs I'd put one!

Bluesky I'm so glad you are starting to look to the future with a bit more hope and serenity. there will be time to think about what you and DH want to do about E's memorial. Did you finally take the plunge and POAS? Sending you super-positive vibes...

Owl ooohh what fab news about your wiggly baby!!! So pleased for you and your DH, really. Try and relax and enjoy it, even a tiny bit if thats possible...

Little so...did you POAS? Everything crossable is crossed for you!!

scaredy welcome and congrats on your BFP! Gosh your midwife sounds as if she needs a good slap though

AFM - thanks for all your positive vibes. Had my second endo scan this morning, its 7.9mm which apparently is good as the transfer is still over a week away. Or is that too much and it will fall away before I get to transfer...so as usual obsessing about things that can go wrong . The doctor asked me how I was feeling "emotionally" leading up to the transfer, and when I started crying (when DONT I start crying?) she said accusingly "well... 8 months have passed now, and after 6 months you should be feeling a lot better". Oh I felt like punching her, how dare she set a time limit on my grief!!

I've probably forgotten someone so apologies xx

missalex i am at what that doctor said. Honestly, you are completely normal to still be emotional! ffs, don't these professionals have any bloody compassion? I am keeping positive vibes going over here for you and the IVF, transfer next week, all sounds good to me. Thanks for your kind wishes, we are trying to relax a little over here, but finding it hard to accept it's really happening tbh. I suppose it is my brain protecting me, but still can't really believe i am lucky enough to be pregnant again so soon.

little have you done it yet? Yes it is scary, and telling people makes it real, even more scary. I so hope all is well.

waves to everyone else

Right, I've faffed about a bit and I think the photo should (finally) be visible now...?
owl brilliant :). Glad all was ok and no one said anything unhelpful. Yes, a week is v unusual, not been more than a day or two over in years (other than when pg, obv). Can't bring myself to hope properly tho iyswim.
little have you dared to test again? (Braver than me, yes the next stage of dr/cons is scary, I can't even bring myself to test!!)
missalex sorry to be confusing . I have no idea what 7.9mm means, but hope you're able to relax a bit that it's supposed to be good? It must be so nerve-wracking :(. That dr sounds like a complete cow, I can't believe how insensitive! Sorry she didn't help or show compassion, especially since its her job :(. Very happy to come with you next time and give her a good slap if it helps? Hope you're able to put it aside and do things that relax you as much as poss over the next few weeks. I know I always dwell on things and relive them.
Yes, re E I don't want to rush into doing something that ends up not feeling right and I'm happy to leave it for a bit. And nope, not taken the plunge, am being an ostrich for as long as I can. Think I'll have to soon anyway... Will get home tomorrow, so maybe after that.
star still thinking of you, hope you're ok out there in lurking land x

Hello all!

Thanks for your support. We have a meeting with a doula booked next week, and one with a private mw on Friday, so will see what the options are.

Little and BlueSky, thinking of you both , keeping fingers crossed for nice clear dark lines.

missalex, that's awful. Especially for a doctor to say that...

Good to hear about the wiggling baby, Owl, and that the Sands sticker worked. That's been on my mind a lot.

Still waiting to hear about a scan. I've been trying my consultant all day today and nothing, I will try calling the EPAU tomorrow if I don't hear anything, I think. Why do I have to push so hard for a little reassurance and support?

bluesky thanks for your kind wishes. If a week late is v unusual for you... ooohh fingers crossed!

scaredy good luck with the doula and private midwife meetings. I would advise writing down all the questions you think of before the meetings, as if you are anything like me it all goes out of your head as soon as you get into the meeting and then i remember later when it's too late!! I'm sure your brain is better than mine tho . How many weeks do you think you are re the scan? I must admit i thought i'd be offered an earlier than normal scan but alas not. SANDS sticker did seem to work, they are 'free' from the SANDS site but they charge about a fiver delivery! It's a charity tho so i didn't really mind.

Star waves for you, hope all is well with everybody today x

I have a consultant appointment. The letter arrived this morning, and made me feel very emotional. But this is a good thing even though it feels a bit scary at the moment.

I saw my GP today. She is referring me to a specialist obstetrician at my local hospital, and has got me a scan on Tuesday morning. My dates put me at 7+5 today, but my cycles are usually longer than 28 days. I have been nauseous for about a couple of weeks, so I think I'm probably about where my dates say, but who knows!

Just popping on to say I did poas and it was very definitely darker!! Have booked drs appointment for next week.

Waves to everyone. Will catch up with thread later as off round a friend's for tea now.

Little yes!!!! congrats to you and DH, thats such good news I'm so pleased for you Hope you can get a bit excited now, even if its just short bursts between the worrying!

Owl thanks for the good vibes. It's great you have got your consultant appointment, can imagine how scary it now feels though. Is it soon or a long way off?

Bluesky apologies, after living and breathing IVF for the last 7 years I sort of forget that people get pregnant naturally and just assume everyone knows all the IVF jargon! 7.9mm of endo means my womb lining is that thickness and hopefully nice and snuggly for the embryo to bed down in and stay for 9 months. Thanks for the offer of slapping my unfeeling doctor around a bit by the way, I used to be a confident person who wouldnt be bullied but I seem to have turned into a weepy, weak mess who cant stand up for herself since I lost A. Hope youve got all your suitcases packed away, all your holiday washing sorted and a Pstick with two big fat pink lines on it by now!

Scaredy glad youve got your scan sorted, good luck for Tuesday

Had a nasty scare today, finally went to the docs as I've been having quite bad calf pains for the last few days, and he examined me and siad he thought I might have Deep Vein Thrombosis The worst part is that he said I would have to immediately stop the IVF hormone meds as they were probably what was causing it, which of course meant cancelling this cycle. Went straight to A&E and they got me hooked up on a drip ready to admit me if the results came back dodgy. Anyway to cut a long day short it turns out I'm ok and can carry on with my meds. Honestly I nearly kissed the specialist who did the Doppler scan on my legs and told me the good news - I think he thought I was a bit mad.

Waves to all xx

that's great news little , so pleased.

scaredy that's good news too, gps can make so much difference in getting things sorted (when you get a good one). Hope the time til tues passes quickly for you.

owl I can imagine it must feel v scary, even though its a good thing. I've always felt stressed about appointments even before E died.

missalex thanks for explaining - that does sound really positive. Must be so hard holding it together through ivf. Also, I know what you mean about losing confidence, I've found that in so many situations - from feeling shy abroad to getting really upset by rude or unhelpful people on the phone (had one of those today as I inadvertently missed an appointment that'd been sent to me whilst I was on hol). But I still reckon I could slap your dr around for you , easier to do on behalf of someone else!

Thanks for all the crossed fingers everyone, and missalex please could you hope that I sail through pg and my rainbow is fine and dandy, because everything else you just hoped for has actually happened!! (And normally I take weeks unpacking!)

And missalex I meant to say, so glad everything turned out ok today ((hugs)) must've been so scary x

Phew, what a relief missalex, glad to hear everything with the calf is ok and fc for the good news lasts as long as your cycle. Did they decide it wasn't DVT then?

Wahoo, congratulations, little, allow yourself to be a little excited, if you can.

I am already over this morning sickness. I just can't do anything. Poor M is spending her days watching tv, as I can barely get off the sofa. Anyone got any good tips?

Bluesky well thats easy....I hope hope hope hope with all my heart that you sail through pg and your rainbow is fine and dandy...sorted! And I hope the same for all the other lovely ladies who are (or who will be) pg too!

Scaredy yes they decided it wasnt DVT but probably something to do with the nerves that run down your legs that are connected to your spine as I've got a slightly squashed vertebrae. But to tell you the truth I dont give a monkeys what it is as long as it doesnt interfere with my IVF so now I'm just ignoring it!

Ginger tea made with fresh ginger worked for me for a while, then one day it suddenly made me even sicker. In the end I found that the most important thing was to always keep something in my stomach, whatever it was (usually toast or biscuits), never to let myself get the tiniest bit hungry. Definietly kept off tea too. I feel for you though, it really is horrid and I got so sick of people saying "well you should just be happy that you are feeling sick. Ggggrrrr.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

Just catching up on the thread after a week away with hardly any 3G... Grrr! So pleased to see lots of good news on here ~ fx for lots of healthy rainbows. And thank you everyone for your good wishes about my sd's son. He is fine now. xxx

Hi all, just wanted to check in and say hello. Hope all is going well IVF wise missalex and you are feeling good little and scaredy.

bluesky did you poas? Do you know you are pg? Exciting times.

Bollocks. I'm miscarrying :(. Knew something was wrong as I'm usually chucking my guts up when pg.

Oh blue I'm so sorry.

Bluesky oh no, that is such crap news, I'm so very sorry. Big hugs for you and your DH

Owl thanks, everything is going ok for the time being. How are you doing? Is your consultant appointment soon?