Elderberry Pavlovas Unite - the over 30s TTC number 1 (thread 3)

[Bunnygirlie]

Hey ladies, we're over here!

bunnygirlie, 32, TTC since June, AF coming around New Year!
Twinklestar 2, TTC1, cycle 16, BFP was due 19/12
BraveLilBear,TTC
Lolcbcb,TTC
Aquarius,TTC
Happylass 34 cycle 4 BFP due Jan 1st
Navis176, 35, TTC #1, cycle 3 (this time around), bfp due around 19 Jan (I think?)
Neshie, 31, TTC #1, on cycle 9, after stopping the pill 18 months ago (took 10 months for AF to return!) BPF due 12th January Fx
MotherOfCleo TTC#1, cycle 3, 5dpo, BFP due New Years Day.
Viviennewestwould, 41, childless hag, TTC one year (mmc in March), on Clomid, ovulating today!
Pipbin 37 cycle 16 BFP due 26/12

Zombies, 32, almost 3 wks pg (by my calculation)- per standard
measurement from LMP, 6 weeks pg, PCOS.
MeanMrsMustard 31, 5 weeks pregnant.
Quod,33, PG
Purplemonster, PG
Janey 38, 12 week scan on Christmas Eve
HazleNutt, due June 21st
Rach, 34, 13+4 pg, due 26th June

Apologies if I've missed you or got something wrong

Humph. www.nhs.uk/Change4Life/Pages/why-change-for-life.aspx

Take the size 8 off my hands... I truly believe its like curly haired people who want straight hair and vice versa! Either way good luck, and don't come near my house whilst dieting as I have 4 tonnes of sweets left over from the sweet buffet at the wedding that are just begging me to eat them damnit stuffs face full of sweets and watches spots appear simultaneously all over face

I had to get below a BMI of 30 before my GP would refer me to the fertility clinic.
Yes WW does cost. Its £20 a month if you pay by monthly direct debit. What you could do is go every other week and pay on the door.

Boodle, at 'dry and frigid is the way forward'..

Captain, I don't have an answer to your weight problem (I cannot imagine why you can't shift the weight when you are so good) but please, stay away from Slimfast et al. Life is miserable when you deny yourself good, nutritious food. Have you kept a food diary to see where you are falling down? What are your portion sizes like? Have you had your thyroid checked? How much chocolate/crisps/biscuits/cakes/booze do you sink in a week? How fast do you walk? How many times a week do you really, really sweat from exercise? Don't answer any of these questions on here...just be honest with yourself and see where you can improve. I do not believe that losing weight will negatively impact on fertility. Surely being borderline obese will hold you back?

May I say something without being attacked? Most overweight people are in denial about the true state of their diet or exercise regime, however, I have to agree with 2cats that people do have an optimum size for their individual body and I think is crucial in terms of fertility. When I fell pregnant last January I was 12lbs lighter and I have a sneaking suspicion I won't fall preggo again until I get back down to that weight. I would discourage you from doing the 5:2 diet - we have not evolved to fast and we are too used to reaching for food for comfort/through boredom. Be realistic. Eat foods from scratch and, if you're skint and can't afford classes, up your walking and walk faster and up more hills. Good luck, love.

Pip, thanks for your advice.

Crumbs. I sound like a weight nazi. Sorry

Morning ladies! If I may add my tuppence worth on the food/weight issue. I join the chorous of "Noooooooooooooo!" on Slimfast.

Like Viv I agree that some people can be in denial about what they actually eat, and a food diary can be helpful. Plus I realise that some of my friends eat really massive portions, and just cutting them down can help. But I think we all know what's good for you and what's not. We know we shouldn't eat high sugar, high fat foods. I went through a period of trying to "eat healthy", which was basically lots of supposed diet foods, but I put on weight - because those chemical-filled ultra-processed foods are actually really bad for you, including zero/diet drinks and low-fat alternatives. So, imho, if you eat REALLY, genuinely healthy foods, ie plenty of fresh fruit & veg, no processed rubbish, avoid frying and have reasonable portions, then you'll find your natural weight. And if that's bigger than others, then so be it - F* BMI! We're all trying to "know" our bodies for baby making, well we should trust our judgement and know our bodies for general health too.

There's my rant over. I'm trying to cheer up on my bday after more than a week of no TTC (CD15 - 22!!) due to aftermath of cystitis. Two very annoying consequences will be no BFP this month AND AF will arrive when I'm on the luxury beach holiday we've labelled our second honeymoon. Boooooooo! And to top it off, I was shamefully bad at pretending I liked the jewellery my DH presented me with this morning. I am a really bad person

Happy Day to you all!

Happy birthday rumple

Happy birthday, Rumple!!*

I've had a gargantuan hike in temperature this morning which means I ovulated yesterday, as predicted, which means the sex we've had was brilliantly timed. Moreover, it means I ovulated without the help of Clomid! I am off work today with a rather nasty fluey thing so am hunkering down with the cats and some shit DVDs. Yay.

Rumple, unless the jewellery was a necklace spelling out RUMPLE in Scrabble tiles I would say, yes, you are an incorrigible ingrate.

Happy birthday rumple

Happy birthday rumple. Chuckling about the jewellery reaction as I have similar inability to arrange my face at times. Are you going to change it?

Here's another ignorant question, so feel free to shoot me down... viv how do you know temp is ov related rather than the flu?

Happy birthday rumple! And well done on the well timed sex Viv.

Good advice re the diet too. My Bmi is 26 and I'm trying to lose weight at the moment through eating less processed food and more organic, healthy food, brown rice, green tea, etc.

I've been crying this morning Feeling very scared that we are doing everything right but it's still not working. Am worried that something is wrong.

Arrrrggghhhh I just want to scream! Life's so unfair! I don't want to be this person. I want to be the person that naively gets pregnant first month of trying. 19 months I've been here. I should be thinking about number 2 now not still trying for number 1.

I'm so angry! And in so much pain :(

Thunder, if my temp remains elevated it can be attributed to ovulation.

Twinkle, remind me what tests you've had done so far. Try to stay away from the 'life's not fair' corner, it will only make you bitter and twisted.

I've found the following statistics regarding the optimal timing of intercourse for conception: The stats for a couple with normal fertility are that the likelihood of conceiving are; 4% if you dtd 5 days before ov, 15% 4 days before ov, 25-28% 1-2 days before ov and only 8-10% if you dtd within 24 hrs of ov.

How many days prior to the egg being released do clinics performing IUI place the sperm near the fallopian tubes?

I've had bloods, dildocam, smear, chlymidia. All clear.

Oh has had SA and health check. All clear apart from 2% morphology.

We have been referred to fertility clinic and are waiting for an appt.

Thanks for all your bday messages ladies. A day off work is helping to ease the pain :) And no, viv, it wasn't quite a scrabble necklace, but it was earrings, so can't be changed (I've already popped into the shop & checked!). I won't mention it to any friends and I'll put it in the re-gift drawer...

Twinkle so sorry to hear you're having a blue time. I totally get where you're coming from - I'm a few months behind you, and am waiting to do the bloods, but I still have this desperate "it's just not fair" feeling sometimes more often than I will admit. I agree with viv that you must try not to focus on how unfair life is, though we all do it of course. I look at those who get pregnant accidentally or as soon as they start trying and feel it building up inside sometimes. But the reality is there is so much in life that isn't fair to our benefit. For a start, I remember watching the paralympics and seeing people who struggle to do the most basic things like showering or getting dressed, and then overcome that to be world class atheletes - it's not fair that I have a fully function body, but I'm really glad I do. It's not fair I have a really wonderful mum who is loving and understanding, when other people who are nicer than me have mean judgemental parents. Not to mention the people who risk their lives just to get into the UK and try to work. I could go on, but I'm sure you get me. If life was really fair, then I wouldn't have all these amazing opportunities in life I've done nothing to deserve. I don't know if that helps you, but it works for me sometimes. feel free to copy and paste that next time I'm ranting and feeling down!

Happy Birthday Rumple!
I have both given and received unwanted jewellery, so find that whole episode v amusing.

Twinkle sorry you're having a downer. We've all been there at some point, or several points - I tend to beat it by going and doing something that I absolutely couldn't do if I had a baby, if that helps...

Thanks for the dietary thoughts, lasses. I'm going to have a good think in the pool today (swimming is my optimum thinking time) and try to set myself some goals. The other thing, aside from surgery, that I forgot to mention is that fertility treatments like IVF are only offered if the woman has a BMI of less than 30, so that's another motivator. As far as I know, they don't give a monkey's what the man weighs, even though I'm pretty sure it affects sperm production.

Happy Birthday Rumple. Enjoy your day.
3rd snow day off work here and cabin fever is setting in big time! Way too much time to think about TTC. AF due on Fri and can feel the cramps starting already . Ashamed to say have also had a few "Why not me??" thoughts lately even though I'm only 5 cycles in. You've totally put it in to perspective though Rumple. I have an amazing life which I will be eternally grateful for. Captain I'm also doing the 'appreciating being just the 2 of us' thing every time AF shows up. After November's BFP we got engaged, December we spent New Year in Edinburgh and if I'm not lucky this month I'm going to book a little sunshine break for Easter. Hope this TTC lark doesn't go on too long or we'll be penniless by the time I get a BFP [shocked]!!

twinkle sorry you're having one of those days. It is understandable after all that time. I do have to applaud rumple on a good piece of common sense, well delivered - I might copy and paste it on my wall for when I have those moments.

viv thanks for info re temps- I find it absolutely fascinating how we can tap into the science of our cycles despite how i seem to have monumentally failed this time using cheapy opks.

happy I hear you on having too much time thinking about ttc.

Hi all!

Captain I can appreciate your dilemma. I'd like to lose about 15lb, but part of me is nervous bc I think I read something about how dieting while TTC was bad. Honestly I can't see how losing weight sensibly (slowly and steadily, eating real, wholesome food) could be anything but good. Bottom line is I'll feel paranoid about doing anything/everything until I get a BFP! Slim-fast type diets are tempting, but don't teach you how to eat sensibly, so invariably you'll put the weight back on, and yo-yo-ing is damaging in itself. Try Weight Watchers - I recently signed up; they were offering free joining and 3 mos' fees refunded through Topcashback. It's an easy program; you eat normal food and it's very easy to keep track of your points.

Happy birthday Rumple! Too bad about the earrings. Isn't it awkward when "the thought that counts" was thinking of all the wrong things!

Aww Twinkle, sorry you're down. It happens to the best of us. You're right - it isn't fair. When I feel this way, I remind myself that I'm another day closer to having a baby, and it helps. I'm still eaten up with jealousy when I see the umpteenth pregnant lady when I'm out shopping, but I try to think that they were in our shoes at one point. Keeping the faith is hard work though, sometimes.

Viv it sounds like you guys got your timing exactly right! Superb! Get rid of your cold and think happy thoughts for the next 2 weeks!

Thx all for your messages of support. I just find it really hard these days to imagine myself with a child. It feels like the dream is fading.

Happy birthday Rumple and thanks for the perspective and positive thoughts.

I had stayed away from MN after AF arrived bang on time last weekend due to negativity and being upset, so I do know where you're coming all from.

Today I received my appointment from the fertility clinic but its on a day when I told them I couldn't make it as I'm on holiday! Will be phoning first thing in the morning to change it. Also secretly hoping for a successful month so I don't need it anyway!

Rumple, very sage words. It's so easy to forget just how blessed we are to have love in our lives. Someone very recently helped me immensely when I was feeling pathologically envious of other pregnant women. She said something along the lines of, if you are going to envy that woman her pregnancy, you have to want everything about her: her family, her husband, her job, her personality, her friends, her life. You can't simply want her bump. This really made sense to me and helped shift my perspective a little: do I really want to be that pregnant woman in the supermarket aisle? Would I swap with her right now and step right into her shoes? I'm not entirely sure I've paraphrased very well, but I hope you get my drift..

Twinkle, it comes with ttc package, that irrational feeling that it's never going to happen to us. Only positive thinking - and staying out of the future, which is, thankfully unknown to us - will banish these pointless and damaging thoughts. The way I see long-term ttc is this: it feels like I am waiting at a bus stop with loads of other women whose buses keep coming along. On they get, then the next one and the next until, finally, I am on my own, waiting for this fucking bus that I begin to believe simply isn't coming. But then, just around the corner...

Happy birthday Rumple!

Viv, I quite like the idea of having a weight Nazi around here. I've been raiding the biscuits today and I need someone to slap me for it. Come on, give it your best shot please!

Twinkle, I know what you mean about a 'fading dream'. I feel like that a lot at the moment, but I'm quite numb to it all. It's like I don't want to confront that possible reality at the moment so I'm just shutting off that part of my brain and waiting for it to erupt in spectacular style during a performance management meeting or at some other equally inappropriate time .

Hoping this time tomorrow I might have a referral and that this knowledge will perk me up a little bit.

[twats Boodle around the head with a cumberland sausage]

Thanks. I needed that. Eats cumberland sausage off floor