Elderberry Pavlovas Unite - the over 30s TTC number 1 (thread 3)

[Bunnygirlie]

Hey ladies, we're over here!

bunnygirlie, 32, TTC since June, AF coming around New Year!
Twinklestar 2, TTC1, cycle 16, BFP was due 19/12
BraveLilBear,TTC
Lolcbcb,TTC
Aquarius,TTC
Happylass 34 cycle 4 BFP due Jan 1st
Navis176, 35, TTC #1, cycle 3 (this time around), bfp due around 19 Jan (I think?)
Neshie, 31, TTC #1, on cycle 9, after stopping the pill 18 months ago (took 10 months for AF to return!) BPF due 12th January Fx
MotherOfCleo TTC#1, cycle 3, 5dpo, BFP due New Years Day.
Viviennewestwould, 41, childless hag, TTC one year (mmc in March), on Clomid, ovulating today!
Pipbin 37 cycle 16 BFP due 26/12

Zombies, 32, almost 3 wks pg (by my calculation)- per standard
measurement from LMP, 6 weeks pg, PCOS.
MeanMrsMustard 31, 5 weeks pregnant.
Quod,33, PG
Purplemonster, PG
Janey 38, 12 week scan on Christmas Eve
HazleNutt, due June 21st
Rach, 34, 13+4 pg, due 26th June

Apologies if I've missed you or got something wrong

Jeez mother that's good going!

Welll done happy!

I've dtd 6 times and its only the 13th Jan!! Lol!

Wow lots of action in Elderberry land this week! Lets hope it'll bring lots of BFPs! Who's first in the POAS queue?

twinkle, we managed 6 this month too (plus a couple of 'other' things earlier in the month to help keep his swimmers on the move - TMI I know!) Fizzled out a bit now as DH has been busy and I'm 6DPO. As is typical of me though, I will no doubt be spotting in a day or two and then AF will probably be here by Wed/Thu latest. Have pretty much resigned myself to that reality until I've jumped through all the testing hoops and I can convince them it's luteal phase problems.

Wow, so much action around here - both running and DTD! Glad to see we're all listening to the advice and making sure there's plenty "in situ" ready for OV day.

Boodle I find it's hard to balance between keeping positive to believe it will happen this month, and preparing for the worst to avoid disappointment. After 10 months I can't say I've perfected the art. But I think the happy medium that works best for me is believing it could be this month, or even probably will be, but also planning fun things to do if it's not. We're off on hols next weekend and I've promised myself I'll go scuba diving if I get a BFN - that way I won't be too disappointed! And if I do get a BFP then snorkelling ain't too bad!

As for all that running, you've inspired me ladies. I tried to convince DH that we should go running together but as that's never happened in our 2 years of marriage, I shouldn't kid myself it's about to start now! So I'll go it alone with a few good tracks on the MP3 to keep me going. Oh, and Boodle - a personal trainer told me that fast walking interspersed with short bursts of jogging/running is actually better for fat burning than a constant light jog. So don't give up!

Happy weekend ladies - keep up the DTD good work and FX for a run of BFPs coming up!

Twinkle (and everyone else), that's plenty of sex! Why don't you trust your CBFM? Do you piss on an internet cheapie too so that you can compare data? This is my first month ever using a CBFM and this morning (CD6 according to the monitor but I'm CD7 as my period came at 11pm) the monitor asked me to pee on a stick. I didn't, because I know full well I'm nowhere near my fertile window - why waste the sticks? I think it's a bullshit way for them to make tons of cash, to be honest. I wish I hadn't bought the damned thing, I was doing fine with the internet OPKs. This monitor seems to just rely on the fact that it instructs the user to fuck like rabbits more or less for ten days straight.

So this morning I poas for my cbfm and it was clearly a positive, and I had a very positive opk but the cbfm said high only.

The problem is that I have my lap and dye on Thursday so even if we did manage it this month it'll be too soon for them to tell by Thursday.

Viv I don't trust the monitor because last month I got my peak and then AF came 19 days later. And back in July it peaked in cd13 and I didn't get AF till cd43 so I must have ov'd later. So I like to keep going just to cover me. I'm on cd21 so will keep going till cd25 so only a couple more dtd. I might have to get some cheapies to use as well. Sigh. More money!!

Boodle - I don't believe it's going to happen naturally for me. After 18 months why would it? It would have happened by now.

That's just it. twinkle, and weirdly, I think I feel emotionally better now that I've accepted it than I did when I was going through the slightly more optimistic stage that you mention, Rumple! As you say though, we've got to find the way of thinking that works best for us! Where are you going on holiday, by the way? Must be somewhere nice if scuba diving or snorkelling is on the cards!

Have been for another run/walk thing this morning. Yes, Rumple, I've also been told that the alternating method can be quite effective for burning fat. I have certainly found in the past that it worked for me. I do like to try to build up how long I run for though as it just gives that sense of progress! Again, it's the psychology of it more than anything else!

On the CBFM monitor, I've not used mine for 2 months now and I'm so regretting buying it! Biggest waste of money ever! It's OK if people really struggle to get positives on OPKs, and I know that does happen to some people, but I was fine! Why oh why did I bother!

I'm going to try linking to my fertility friend chart now (haven't done links before...) if anyone likes chart stalking! (I do! !) I'll bet anything the temperatures will be crashing down in a day or two.

www.fertilityfriend.com/home/boodle9/]My Ovulation Chart

Boodle, do you usually have a nine-day luteal phase? That's very short; has anyone in the medical profession mentioned it or said it needs extending?

Pip, I wouldn't bother trying for a babbie this month if your lap's on Thursday. Your CBFM appears to be bonkers, too.

Yes, viv, 9 days is pretty typical. Shortest has been 7! I've mentioned it to both doctors I've seen (switched due to house move) and they've not really picked up on it, and I've been to shy to push the issue. I'm going back next week after my scans and now I'm more familiar with this doctor, I feel more confident to speak up, so I'm going to print off all my charts to take with me. I have 15 complete charts and all bar 1 have a luteal phase

Yes, Boodle, do persist with getting that LP lengthened as lots of evidence points to a short one not being able to sustain a pregnancy. I don't want to scare you, but GPs know very little about fertility. Are you under a consultant? Let me tell you: my consultant doesn't give two shiny shits about my charts (despite my thrusting them under his nose to 'prove' ovulation) and I think, generally, the 'experts' do not like us having our own knowledge about our bodies. My sonographer nurse literally snorted when I told her I charted and said, 'please...just leave it to the experts here'.

My point is, don't be surprised if your consultant is not interested in your charts - but do insist he extends your LP.

viv I think you're right, most GPs probably are too specialist - the good ones will acknowledge this and welcome your input! My gynae seems to just want to pump me with hormones and send me on my way, not sure that's any more reassuring....

Twinkle I had a recent "Woe is me" moment and grumbled when my mother tried to convince me that, having waited for ages it just must happen soon - I decided that, mathmatically speaking, each month I didn't get pregnant made me less likely to get pregnant the following month, as not getting pregnant for a year increases the chances of there being a real problem. But then I realised that this thought was just too depressing, and as long as I have no evidence that there's a real problem, I have to keep believing it'll happen soon. But, as Boodle says, it can be emotionally easier when we don't get our hopes up.

I'm off on hols (to Thailand, thanks for asking!) next week to get away from it all - and away from the announcement that as well as my best mate and my SIL, another colleague has announced that she's due a baby in the summer. And they all did it so easily - Why?!?!!

Viv, I'm not under a consultant yet but my GP has said that I should go back to her about a week after my scans and then she'll refer me straight away, no matter what. It's quite a big surgery and she is in charge of women's health and family planning there, so I'm hoping that she will take me a bit more seriously than my last doctor, who really was a terrifying, dismissive, surly so-and-so! (Although she didn't seem to interested in my thyroid concerns, which I was disappointed about and am going to bring up again.)

How utterly unpleasant of your sonographer though - I mean, do they have an ounce of compassion? Surely anyone who has struggled along TTC for even just a few months will be making it their mission to suss their body out and understand their cycle as well as possible.

Rumple, it's interesting that you are open with your mum about TTC; I haven't told mine at all as I know she'd just be on and on about it. Pretty sure it would wing its way around the rest of the family too - I can't be doing with that! Only member of our family that does know is our SIL (and hopefully she's kept her mouth shut) and that was only because DH flapped his gums...I was not a happy lady...especially when she sent me a pack of OPKs and a message to say how useful she found it to know when she was ovulating...this was when I was already well past a year of TTC! She wasn't to know, admittedly, because he didn't go into detail, but still!

too interested in my thyroid concerns. Urgh! Horrible mistake!

Should also add, Thailand sounds lovely, Rumple, and my sympathies about all the pregnancy announcements; they really are heart-sinking moments. I'm finding it harder and harder to put on the brave face.

I had an infuriating session with the Gynae when she started explaining the basics of conception to me, and how a cycle worked as if I was a child (or someone who hadn't been trying to conceive for months already!). I think the more we can learn for ourselves, and the more pushy confident and assertive we can be with our docs then it should help us get through.

Boodle I didn't need to confide in my mum that much, as DH and I had made it clear from when we got married that we wanted a family together. So as the months passed it was clear that it wasn't happening. But I am also very close to my mum, and she usually says just the right thing. Luckily she doesn't pry too much either, and I don't think she'd talk about it to the family. But I know what you mean about the well intentioned SIL - Since TTC I realise I must have been so insensitive to people without realising, with comments like "When are you guys gonna start a family?" - I really had no idea!

Good work on all the DTD people! I'm proud of you all

Re GPs attitudes, I have to say I feel like I've been pretty lucky. I used to hate going to docs, as I had a few bad ones. Since this whole ttc lark though, I've got a great one. She's taken my concerns seriously. She actually said to me, "go away and research this, learn about your body, you need to know this stuff better than I do". She did leave a note on my file that I had bleeding between periods though, and I've no idea where she got that idea from.. I don't get any.

I've mentioned my short LP (9days) to the gynae I saw first, and she was a bit 'whatever' about it. Then when I saw the head guy this week, I mentioned it again. What I've noticed is that the forms and notes they all pass round have so little room for proper info and our bodies quirks and irregularities, that things get misinterpreted. The head guy was reading a note about an anomalous 41 day cycle I had last year (normally I'm 31 days), and said the cd21 progesterone test was too early for someone with long cycles, showing my progesterone to be very low. Once I explained that I actually have a 31 day cycle, but that I ov'd on cd 21, he paused, raised an eyebrow, and said "Right. Lets get this lump dealt with and then we can look at your cycles after that". I realised they'd all just been misinterpreting what I'd told them and each other's notes! Made me realise I have to stop being shy about holding forth, and make it clear that I've done my research. And if any of them take the crappy attitude that Viv's sonographer had, to ignore it and insist they listen.

Have a grand time in Thailand Rumple (jealous face)

Evening all! How's tricks?

Another one who agrees with knowing as much as you can when you go to the docs. My doc has agreed to refer me to the next stage because he said he could see that I was doing everything right. God bless mumsnet and babycentre for all the information they have taught me!

Rumple - another one here whose family know that I want a baby and must be wondering why it's taking so long. Been married 2 years soon :(

Meant to say my docs has referred me early because he could see we were doing everything right.

My sonographer woman was infuriating in several ways. She told me that charting temps is 'a very archaic and unscientific' way of confirming ovulation. She said temperature can be affected so easily by external factors that it would be 'ludicrous' to put any faith in the so-called data. I asked her what she expected women to do when they wanted to know when their fertile window was and she replied, 'just have sex every two days. It really is as simple as that! If that doesn't work, leave it to the experts'. This was after I had wept to her about Michael's ejaculatory issues and explained that we had no money for 'expert' help.

When I shoved my charts under the nose of the consultant to prove I was ovulating (he claims my progesterone score of 18.5 proves I am not) he did not want to know. He barely glanced at them and muttered, 'well, you may well have ovulated but with that score you wouldn't be able to sustain a pregnancy'. Now I'm no expert but I am convinced I ovulated every single month before I went for fertility help and was put on Clomid. I was pregnant last January, for fuck's sake. I believe they chuck this drug at anyone and hope for the best. Sorry to rant..

Have a toptastic time in Thailand, Rumple.

Everyone who knows me knows I'm trying for a baby, including my gym instructors, the woman in the village butty shop and newsagent, my hairdresser, the Asian taxi driver who takes me to Tesco and everyone on facebook. I get fantastic support from facebookers who private message me with their IVF stories and quirky anecdotes. I have been blunt with those who were ramming their babies down my throat. I have defriended the arseholes who were making my life miserable with their cavalier attitude to my predicament. I am now left with people who are simply cheering me on silently and who are sensitive to what I'm going through.

Viv we aren't really TTCing this month but we certainly aren't preventing either. When I spoke to the nurse at the pre op she didn't say I needed to prevent it, not like when you have an HSG.

I think I might ditch the CBFM too, I still use a regular OPK to double check anyway, so why bother. I do honestly think that all these things are a little bit like having lucky pants. Someone says, "Oh, I got knocked up the cycle when I wore red knickers every day." and we would all run off and buy red knickers.
Really it just makes us think that we are actually doing something while we wait for nature, or in my case operations, to take their course.

As for the attitude of GP and Consultants, the last time I saw the consultant he started to explain the lap and day and then said, "are you both teachers?" and then his language changed and he talked to us both like adults. That said his attitude was great to start with. He held his pen with a very poor grip though that made me wince.

Hey ladies, so what have I missed the past few days?

Am thinking of going to the docs soon myself, according to her i've been trying since I came off pill last Feb. Dreading what may come next after reading the above.

The only people who know we are trying is the girl who waxs my legs and one of my chums, who had a baby in December so she has no time for me anymore to sob on her shoulder. I often wonder if I should tell a few more friends, would it make it any easier?

Pip, laughing my head off at your consultant's gay grip. I always think any man with a dodgy grip will be shite in bed. Hey, Pip, do you think if I drop it into the conversation that I was one of the physicists who discovered the Higgs Boson my consultant will start using words with more than one syllabul?

Hello, Bunny. I should imagine the fact that you have told the girl who waxes your legs has rather taken the decision out of your hands as to whether you should tell others Seriously, though, I'd've gone insane by now if I hadn't told people what I was going through. It's like trying to hide a rather prolonged episode of eczema

syllable!!