TTC 10+ months, Part 11

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Sar, I also think the no soul thing is not a mainstream rc belief. Within any religion there are people with crazy views. The destroying embryos thing can be an issue. I'm not really religious, but I don't like the thought of it so we will freeze any if we're lucky to have spares. We haven't told people because I couldn't bear to here any of the no soul crap, although I would be very, very surprised if anyone I know holds those views.

Nelly, I too am cross with that nurse who upset you unnecessarily, I think people have no idea how stressful this is for us, and we need positivity not doom. What if you'd taken the decision yourself to give up over the weekend?

Gin, thinking of you today. A boozy lunch sounds fab, pub lunches are one of my biggest things I miss about the uk. Please tell me what you eat so I can salivate.

Thanks for the migraine tips. This is day two now, the headache is now a dull pain so not too bad but i still feel sick. The missed heartbeat thing is odd, it only started yesterday just before the migraine so I think it must be linked. It's not all the time, just every now and again, it's a horrible sensation. I've only taken ibuprofen as that's all I've got in. When I'm next in the uk, I'm going to buy some over the counter stuff, what's the most effective stuff to take?

I'm wondering how princess is? Has the sickness subsided? When is the scan?

Oh and happy thanksgiving critter!

Well it's definitely going to be a boozy lunch today :(

Gin, I'm so very sorry. I know how heartbroken you will be, if I could do or say anything to make it better I would.

Oh Gin, there are no words for how cruel, heartbreaking and unfair all this is. I am so so sorry. Sending lots of love to you and mrgin. I am thinking of you.

Will be back later .

Oh Gin I'm so very sorry . Big hugs. I hope you and Dave are as ok as can be expected. Thinking of you .

Sar my scan isn't till tomorrow. Today's blow by blow would be "my ovaries hurt". "Now they don't". "I'm drinking water". "I'm eating protein". Riveting stuff huh .

MrsD glad the headache is subsiding a bit. That must be miserable. I hope you feel better soon.

Art ugh to long pointless train journeys.

Doll also ugh to car sickness and windy roads.

It is a miserable wet day here. Proper nasty. I am hugging hot water bottles for warmth not their follicle growing capacity. Still I have a rather awesome break to look forward to. Just the small detail of IVF and a wedding to deal with first.

Had a wedding dream last night. It was chaos. It got to the end and I was wearing a random gold flouncy number, and hadn't noticed. Also wasn't sure if the photographer had been so grabbed a few folk and took photos on my phone. I couldn't remember most of it (ie the wedding) and didn't know who had turned up. So I was furious we'd bothered to spend all that money. We didn't dance half the dances that we were meant to (its a ceilidh). I think my laid back disorganised stance is beginning to play on my mind .

Just here to say damn gin I'm sorry. Look after each other. X

Gin I am so sorry. This is so unfair. I was so hoping you'd get good news. It's absolutely crushing.

Running in to give gin a massive love. I'm so sorry, the unfairness of it all makes me drink like a fish, cry and be cross but know that you WILL get there and we are here right behind you.

Gin I'm absolutely gutted for you, and Mr Gin. Massive hugs. Hope the boozy lunch involves some serious cocktails. I know how much it hurts and I'm so sorry for you going through this. Don't lose faith you will get your baby win at some point I'm convinced.

Nelly I am doing a touch line Pom Pom dance for your follies, they sound like they're doing their thing in their own time and will not be rushed. I love love love the sound of your winter wedding with your simple dress and a ceilidh. Can we have a blow by blow account of the wedding too afterwards?!

Doll how are you doing, how are finding entering the dreaded wait period. I found that the hardest part as suddenly all the appointments stop and you're in limbo land.

Mrsden I get the extra heartbeat thing. It's awful isn't it. I think it's linked to stress. I've had it much less since I've been doing all my stress relief activities. I don't get migrains though so I'm not sure about that.

Sar thanks so much for sharing about being a practising catholic. I am from a very RC background and wider family - and to me it means lots of ordinary, kind caring people, I don't connect at all to these extreme views you read about and am always a bit saddened that this horrible view of the religion doesnt match my experiences of it. I am at the no soul view Pout, how horrible.

Pout and Buzzy it sounds like you've both made a huge turning point with you're overall wellness. It takes such courage to face any of these issues I'm so pleased for you both that you've reached a happier place.

Rabbit I was at your list of medical things. No wonder it feels like you've been through enough already.

Joy I always enjoy reading your posts you are very much an input of joy on here.

Euro I did have a moment after this recent examination of my cervix being so inflamed of thinking that all those immune suppressants can have done me no good at all. I won't be taking them again either now, I don't think.

Critter I've heard lots of people say things like well nature / god made the plants and the people that evolved into scientists that created all these medications and treatments therefore you can look at it like everything has its beginnings in nature / god (depending on your own view obvs)

Big waves to Art and Madness.

doll Mr Euro is also from an RC background and even went to a Jesuit boarding school. But he is now a firm athiest.

The tiredness could be a good sign? I was completely wiped out before my period started....

nelly hurrah for good hormone levels!

Gin I'm sorry about the BFN.

To end on a positive note, Critter I hope you are enjoying Thanksgiving. I am enjoying a few hours of peace from Stateside emails!

Oh Gin. Huge hugs. I am genuinely absolutely gutted for you . I can't think of anything remotely helpful to say except that I'm thinking of you and Dave - had really hoped that today would bring a positive result.

On the train home now after a 90% pointless meeting. Neither wifi nor plug sockets are working so I'll back later to catch up properly. Waves to all

gin that is so shit and I am so sad for you. You are such a lovely person and you deserve your baby.
thinking of you. X

Gin - sweetheart, so sorry for the news. Another big hug from me. But I hope you are merrily tipsy on your fancy cocktails and letting your cares wash away. I will also reiterate this isn't the end. It's just part of the journey. A shit jouney - yes , but a journey with a happy end!

Doll and Art thinking of you. Any updates?

Nelly - I still enjoyed todays blow by blow account . Hurty ovaries are a good sign. But good luck for tomorrow. I remember getting bizzare wedding dreams like that - so weird aren't they.

Cosmos - that's interesting about the steroid and cervix thing too.

I had another shit day today. I work with a very experinced radiographer (who has previously told me about her own IVF success). We were waiting for our patient to arrive and because he was late I plucked up the courage to tell her about my troubles. Also, she does HSG's at our hospital. It was great to talk to her both from an emotional / empathy point of view and also from a diagnostics point of view. The patient didn't turn up at all in the end so we had a long convo. I described my HSG results and sadly she thinks based on my description that the right tubes does sound like it has a hydrosalpinx and ought to come out. I guess I got a second opinion for free but unfortunatley I didn't get the answer I wanted. She also seemed to think hydrosalpinxes are often just there and not due to STD / PID / endo. She thinks my left tube might (but might is all) be ok and has agreed to read my HSG report which I have requested a copy of.

In all honesty ladies, would you be prepared to have a your tubes removed if it might increase your chances of IVF? I can not seem to stop feeling distressed by this issue. I know I am a complete bore and I just need to wait for the lap and get a certain diagnosis. But I suppose I am trying to prepare for the worst which seems to be the most likely outcome.

On a positve note, she said that loads of staff in the radiology department have had IVF. She said everyone but one perosn has had a baby now and the one who hasn't is still going through the process. She thinks the chances are good but of course the multiple attempts aren't always possible. Hope that gives some people a little hope.

sar I'm sorry that is what you've heard today. But you really do need to see what they find at the lap I think. You have been pregnant - if your colleague is right and the (possible) hydro could have just been there, then maybe it's taking longer because of it and nothing more? Stacks on here had one blocked tube that made things take a while? The fluid leaking thing does make it more tricky but you need to know for sure thats even happening. I would TOTALLY find it hard to have a tube removed but, if a def hydro was found and I was told it was most likely a non functional tube that could be hampering chances, I'd be inclined to do it. But that leaves still a good chance of a natural pregnancy. But I don't think I could part with both, no. I'm not sure if another view of it helps, I'm sure everyone will think different things putting themselves in those shoes. But you are so young, make great embryos and have loads of things in your favour. I saw my acu today. We made a firm plan that I'm downing tools on ttc til February officially. I'm not charting/opk etc and will book my feb apt in the new year. So I'm going to try and just do birthday and Christmas and v work heavy january just being old rabbit, with old ways. Could you maybe have some time away from thinking about things in a sar/rabbit pact? Not thinking about the lap and outcomes is going to be hard but maybe you could catch breath and draw up tentative plans for possible scenarios with chum, seal them up in a mental box and have a little sit down from the worries? I'm prob spouting all post acu woo but it's made me feel a lot better wacking it all on the shelf for a bit, knowing I'll be facing up to things in 2013. Hand hold and 10month plus tail blow dry. It will be ok, your words to gin (still thinking of you lovely) are so true of you too.

Oh gin I know I wasn't the only one rushing home tonight in hopes of good news. It really is so unfair..... There is nothing to say that will make you feel better tonight, but I really hope that after some time you are able to move forward and plan for what will undoubtedly be happier days to come xxxx

Sar I think that I'm in a pretty good position for a chat about the tube issues and I think that we have differing views about it. It is also my right tube that appears to have the hydrosalpinx. There is less uncertainty for me on that front because it showed up on ultrasounds and my mri. My consultant has said that if the tube is as blocked and distended as it appears, I will not be using it to get pregnant naturally and if we move on to ivf having the leaking fluid will decrease our chances of success by half. For those reasons, I have accepted that it has to go. Further supporting this decision - and this is purely in my case - it is in this tube that I developed the abscess. I now live in fear of that infection recurring in the fluid filled tube. Until last year I had always been a very healthy person - no surgery, no broken bones, no hospital admissions - and this infection made me incredibly sick. I had a raging fever, a racing heart and unbearable pain that literally had me on my knees. I don't want to risk it again...... I will find it incredibly difficult, however, if they say that both tubes need to go in order to increase my ivf chances. I have accepted losing one but I can't quite get my head around the possibility that ivf would be our only way of having a baby. I trust my consultant that he will leave the left tube alone, even if it is damaged and scarred, so long as it is not irreparably blocked. It is so frightening though to know that we will be fast asleep while all of this is happening and we have to put our trust in people who we don't really know and who don't care as much about whether we have kids as we do...... I don't know that that will help you at all, but it's my thinking just now, with three weeks to go before the lap.

Nelly perhaps we have sat in the same NHS clinic looking at the no smoking signs. Really looking forward to all of the wedding stories. We had a ceilidh too - it was hilarious watching all my relatives from overseas trying to keep up with strip the willow . Good luck for tomorrow.

Critter have you had a lovely turkey dinner? My ex boyfriend's mum used to make yams with marshmallows on top - so wrong and yet so yummy at the same time. I've never been popular in my family for not liking pumpkin pie - I'd much rather have cheesecake .

Hello to joy pout cosmos mrsd art rabbit euro and doll!!

Ooh thanksgiving........lets all be thankful for........this thread??

Hello ladies, So much happening on this thread
gin I'm so sorry - I hope you had a lovely boozy lunch yesterday and am sending you a big hug. So disappointing and I know we are all here for you.
artemis and doll hope you're both hanging in there and nelly hope scan goes well today.
rabbit I think a break sounds very sensible, enjoy the festive season and see what 2013 brings.
sar and thatway Such tricky decisions about tubes - but it does sound like having one out if it helps is the right route - when I was told I had a blocked tube, I really viewed it like a traitor! Sar so good to chat to someone in RL with experience, sounds incredibly helpful
euro it does sound like something happened - I think take hope that your body is working out what to do and will just sort itself out, fingers crossed for the next cycle.
Waves to pout critter cosmos buzzy joy and everyone else I've missed.
I've been keeping my head down holding out for the viability scan next week. I still have sore breasts, am tired not a new symptom but now blaming it on hcg and intermittent nausea. Not sure the nausea is real either, and am dreading it getting any worse. I do feel bloated and really chubby. But otherwise, without the bfp I'm not sure I'd really believe it- so not different to pre-AF symptoms, just going on for longer?!

Sorry about all the typos... My phone seems to like to change 'of' to 'if'

gin did your post with the typos not actually post? Loves to you. I do hope you are ok.

nelly good luck with the scan today.

rabbit it sounds like a break is in order. I've already made a post-IVF plan to not go back to charting and taking my slim natural chances as they are without all that. I think I've learnt as much as a can at this point anyway, just fuel to the mental, for me, at this point.

sar and madness what difficult tube issues, I have no personal experience to draw on. I think I'm on the traitor line of thinking like mellow

What day is your scan on next week mellow ?

So I'm a week past my EC today without much to report. Using the cosmos analytic method, I feel not significantly different from all my many non-pregnant months, early days.. Artemis you are a few days ahead of me, right? How are you? I feel for you on the long trips for little reward, it basically sums up my whole professional life at the moment.

Many waves pout critter joy euro mrsd buzzy and everyone out there today.

Gin ? how are you? still thinking of you.

Sar ? i?m sorry about another crappy day. Of course you can?t stop feeling distressed ? it?s bloody awful decision. I think you do need to find out what?s happening from the lap and that will dictate your decision. Nothing has been that clear cut for you yet , it?s all may be this or may be that. It?s interesting hearing Madness? thought processes though and she has great advice and as does Rabbit. I just wish you weren?t going through this.

Nelly ? i hope things go ok for you today.

Madness ? i can?t believe all this abscess and hydosalpinx has happened to you too. It?s so bloody tough. How are you feeling about the lap. You sound quite calm.

Mrsmellow ? all sounds good with your symptoms. Let us know how you get on next week and best of luck.

Mrsd ? i hpe your migraine has gone.

at the no soul thing. People do have crazy views. I don?t think those people have a soul if they spout that.

So , roy and i are down to swi once again. sigh, is anyone else just totally fed up?! i really enjoyed last month not having to think about it. anyway that disgusting smell has gone after sex. The antibs must have cleared up something.

Also, i think i?m going to have start the ivf process in 2 weeks now or whenever my period comes. My degree course begins at the start of march and because my clinic do a monitoring cycle and i?ve got to get my immunes tested which can delay things, i think starting in Jan is going to be problematic. The monitoring is going to interfere with xmas which will be a pain but i think i need to press on. I can?t put off the inevitable.

Hope Art and Doll are doing ok. Waves to everyone else.

Bloody mumsnet! Here's what I meant to post - luckily I saved it elsewhere. Oh and my period now appears to have started, just as I had to give a presentation...

Hi ladies. Thank so much for all your kind kind words. They made me cry, but in a good way. Your support has been invaluable. Big luffs to you all. I cried some more yesterday and we then went on a bit of a pub crawl. This time has felt really hard I think as we (and the clinic) thought the embryos had a good chance and I did have some real nausea, funny taste etc, although that could have been the progesterone. I know with time, i'll feel better. Did those of you who've done several AC cycles find the bfns increasingly hard? Dave seems ok, but he's good at hiding stuff. He did say that he feels his chance to have kids is over and it's up to me if we do donor insemination, as it'd be no different to adoption for him. I tried to put him right on this! I find it frustrating that he seems to get more upset by work stuff than this, but don't want to push him to talk about it, as I'm sure there must be some deep down pain about it. Men eh?

We'll book a follow up and discuss the FET. It's a shit load of money, as is donor sperm, but I think it's better to get on with it whilst I'm younger, rather than spending years saving. I'm just waiting for my period now :( I've made an effort not to be so attached to the embryos this time (ie no Zita west cd), so we'll see how that goes. I already feel attached to the little frostie though!

Anyway, enough about me. I'm back at work so may be a bit more mumsnet lite than I've been recently. And I plan to spend most of Dec drunk!

sar I'm so sorry to hear that you are in such a dilemma about your tubes. Personally, I totally understand why you wouldn't want to loose part if yourself. You need all the information before you can make a decision. I feel very powerless in this whole infertility thing and feel it us important to make decisions where we have the choice, rather than letting drs make them for us. It's a very personal thing and I think you need to do what's right for you.

Having said that madness I can see why you are at peace with having your tube removed. I've had an abscess in my leg and it was the most painful thing I have ever encountered!

nellie hope your appointment today goes ok.

joy the image of your mother rocking the dog like a baby still makes me giggle. Gosh not long to go re the ivf. Does that mean you'd be doing it over Xmas?

critter happy thanksgiving!

Hope the other ivfers are doing ok.

Gotta go - time to change trains!

V quick. Good scan. My 12 has jumped to 16mm in 2 days. There is also now a 5th follie. So they want me to come back on Monday to try to get the others to catch up. 4 or 5 follies would be amazing from where I started last week.

Better go, chat tonight xxx

gin I am devastated for you, I really mean that. Do you get a follow up with the clinic. Although I suppose they have no more idea than you about why it didn't work. Getting on with the fet sounds sensible to me. Everything I read says fet can have better outcomes. Dave sounds a lot like mrden. I haven't brought up donor sperm with him yet,my guess is he will be against it but who knows? It's not something we could do here, we'd have to have it in the uk. You don't have a reason for his low count do you? Is there anything more to explore with this?

sar my thoughts on this are that you should see what happens at the lap. If the tube is bad, and it would hamper ivf working then I think I would want it removed. But that's easy for me to say when I'm not in your position. I have a relative with one tube, I'm not exactly sure why she had one removed but she did go on to have 2 children naturally after it was removed. Tubes and ovaries are a bit like kidneys, we have two only as a spare and can cope fine with one. If you think ivf is your only option then not having tubes doesn't affect this, but I k now that's not the point.

euro your cycle does sound strange and like something happened. Or could it have been a dud cycle with no ovulation? I know that my cycles when this happens are totally odd.

My migraine has gone woo hoo! It lasted two days though and it was the first one 2.5 years so I'm hoping it's not going to be a regular thing now. It really wiped me out. I'm on cd33 now and no af, Ive had sore boobs for a week. I'm metalling. I had this last month and it screws me up. I'm wondering if i should test just to put myself out of he misery.

Great news nelly. Enjoy a lovely weekend with all those follies!