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TTC 10+ months, Part 11

999 replies

buzzybee123 · 05/11/2012 19:55

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

OP posts:
ThatWayMadnessLies · 17/11/2012 22:12

mrsd I went to one of those awful nights out. It was a dinner organised by a friend who was moving away so felt that I really had to go. They talked about schools and dance classes and went on and on about their kids all night. I'm sure I will be the same when the time comes but the whole evening left me feeling pretty rotten. I've seen people complain on mn about their childless friends butting in and giving advice but I don't understand what we're supposed to do at these things. Either you join in Or you sit there like a numpty Confused

On a much lighter note - Loving nina conti on live at the apollo. Turning real people into ventriloquist's dummies is inspired Grin

akuabadoll · 18/11/2012 07:05

madness and Mrsd people who talk about their kids 24/7 drive me crazy, good friends with kids I know it's fine as A SUBJECT not the only bloody thing that exists. There are a bunch of kids knocking around here who can say the alphabet backwards in 5 languages when they are two, that kind of shit. I tend to say "oh mine is crap at that kind of stuff but then we don't rate education very highly in our family". Works a treat. Grin

I'm here to report another detail from the EC which I recounted to Ken last night when it occurred to me that they never warned me before they knocked me out.

One minute Dr Rock was in the room chatting to me while putting on his gown (Dr, I've seen ER, you are supposed to do this before coming in the room) then he sat on his stool between my frostbitten legs. It went like this:

me: you've got a funny old job haven't you?
him: yep, if I had my time again I might think twice
me: oh, thanks for letting me know now..

And that was that.

mrsden · 18/11/2012 07:42

You could write a book doll, that cracked me up. I wonder what he'd prefer to be doing?

I know this is from the dm, and by that woman but I identify ith some of this
www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2232800/Samantha-Brick-My-baby-envy-destroyed-decades-old-friendships.html

ArtemisTheHunter · 18/11/2012 16:32

Mrsden I really identified with some of what she said as well. I was shocked by some of the comments under the article. There were a few that were sympathetic, all from women also struggling with infertility, but the rest were along the lines of "shut up, stupid woman, nobody cares". I know Samantha Brick is not the most popular woman in the country after the Mail hung her out to dry last time but it suggests an indifference towards the pain of infertility coupled with a level of misogyny that is really quite ugly.

Doll you really should write your memoirs. I'm also wondering what kind of job he would prefer... car mechanic? Smile How are you feeling? I'm still getting ovary twinges five days post EC but that's probably not surprising since they've been stabbed repeatedly with a big needle. The consultant said they would be swollen for a while.

Madness and Mrsd I no longer hang out with friends who bang on about their kids the whole time. It's tedious and they manage to subtly or unsubtly make you feel like an outcast because you can't join in, or tell you how ignorant you are when you try to. I've come to the conclusion that the people who had interesting lives before children, and were interested in things outside themselves, tend not to do that. The ones who spent their twenties just waiting to get married and then have kids are the ones I now avoid. Unfortunately this includes members of my own family. I pick and choose my friends carefully these days.

Sar I can think of many words for your little boss but none that I would like to use right now. I hope she gets what she deserves and glad you have got it sorted.

Nelly how are you doing? Have you made up with Mr N? They can be idiots. I had to remind Mr A yesterday, as he loaded me up with shopping from the car, that I'm meant to be taking it easy and specifically not lifting anything heavy (I'm not sure how that squares with your 3-year-old Doll but I reckon carrying shopping is not essential to my life). I swear he rolled his eyes. It'll be interesting to see what it's like if I do get pg. I can envisage him striding off into the far distance while I waddle along behind him with a load of heavy bags Hmm

Critter a poetry coffee morning sounds lovely. The threat over your job, however, does not. Is your insurance portable if you were to move or is it tied to the job? Sounds like the latter. Not good.

Gin how are you doing with the symptom spotting? What day are you testing? I have had an array of abdominal aches, pangs, stabs and gurgles and trying not to obsess over them. I think a lot are because the progesterone seems to have shut down my digestive system - they warned me it might Hmm but consequently I'm bloated and uncomfortable and i can't work out what's the result of EC/ET and what's just food... It's going to be a long 10 days but i'm trying to continue the one day at a time thinking, seems to have helped so far.

It's been a quiet weekend here. Mostly I am pleased that the immediate future is free of the prospect of fanny camming and of having a gang of strangers staring up my chuff. I'm over that. Every time a nurse slips a condom over that horrid probe I wonder how often they clean it. They must do, right? They can't just rely on the condoms? I want to turn up to each appointment with rubber gloves, domestos and a scrubbing brush Hmm

Really interested in the weight discussion and particularly the blood type diet stuff. I don't even know which blood type i am. Though I do find it very interesting that here is a bunch of intelligent women whose BMI is the lower end of normal talking about not wanting to put on weight or actively wanting to lose it. The media imagery we get bombarded with constantly is so strong, I wonder how much of a part that has to play in our subconscious thought processes. The Heat circle of shame and its ilk have a lot to answer for - I'm aware of how the media objectifies women and I know it's crap but I'm still not free of its influence. I've got friends who are both very under and very overweight and both have had unwanted, intrusive and very unkind comments from strangers. I wonder what motivates people to feel it's their right to comment on someone else's body?

Right, enough thinking, I'm off to look at the kitty cam :)

buzzybee123 · 18/11/2012 17:52

art the first time I was pregnant Barry made me carry a vacuum cleaner part of the way home, the second time I constantly reminded him of it and called him an 'aussie male' when he expected me to carry stuff Grin
The comments made by other people(about weight) are more of a reflection about themselves then the person they are making it to. I can't say advertising and the media has had much affect on me obviously otherwise I would have a small arse Grin again I think it depends on how you feel about yourself as to how you react to all the bombardment.

the article was interesting mrsd she did set herself up in the past but you have to admire her honesty. I have to agree that alot of how you deal with things depends on how you feel about yourself, that is what life coaching has taught me, sounds like she has had a similar experience.

Well I don't have to kid stories to bore you to death with but have plenty of cat ones, we are on the 9th floor with a little balcony and netting up to protect Kayla, well I was ironing and she went out on the balcony so i looked out and found that she had got through the netting and was sitting on the other side on a thin ledge with nothing between her and the ground 9 floors below!! Shock I managed to get her back through, she is fine but Barry and I were freaked out by it all, oh and she has now knocked the tupperware container with her treats onto the kitchen floor Grin better go sort the demanding little fur ball out................

OP posts:
ThatWayMadnessLies · 18/11/2012 19:20

art I was a bit Shock at the comments on that article as well but I think that's mostly because I hadn't heard of her before and didn't realise that she was already a rather controversial figure. I'm also all for having a positive outlook but I also want to be sure that I have an end point at which I will move on to adoption rather than living 15 years of my life actively trying to get pregnant.

And I wish I could do away with the god awful dildo cam for a while too. The room always seems very clean but it is still disconcerting to know that that thing is put inside any number of women every day.

buzzy glad to hear that kayla survived her daredevil escapades. As a kid our dog with about one functioning brain cell managed to get kicked in the chest by a horse because he thought that he was one of them and hit by a car with only some bruising as a result. My poor mum was much more traumatised.

Off to fertility clinic tomorrow morning. This appointment is slightly superfluous since the lap is soon and there's not much he can do before then but we decided against cancelling the appointment because we don't want to fall out of the loop. Think I'm going to ask about counselling. I know that you can access it once you are ready for ivf but I think that I might like to try some now. Having trouble with motivation at work and mood swings with dh. Talking to someone who isn't a friend or relative (and isn't in cyberspace Grin) can't hurt can it?

Settling in for strictly results.......

rabbitonthemoon · 18/11/2012 21:03

Aw loving the kittens! I emailed the link to my mum but they were sleeping so it looked like it wasn't working....

I feel like I missed a lot of chatting even though I only posted yesterday. Am I a bit dense for not knowing who the lady in the article is? Loads of it resonated and I thought do just slap myself round the head by reading the comments. Wow! Babies aren't a woman's right don't you know. Well that's ok I'll just rock up at the local orphanage and everything will be just fine in a blink of an eye. Jesus.

I've felt poo today. I have a horrible feeling that a wisdom tooth infection is a brewing. I'm on the last infection before the evil bastard is officially allowed to be evicted. Before ttc I'd have been all up for that but as poking and anaesthesia and me have rather outstayed each others company, the little shit is just going to have to stay put but please no no no to the evil metronidazole. Am brushing and gargling with salt and praying.

It is with rather sad heart that I feel more and more sure that I can't go through with ivf. This has been praying on my mind a lot and you know, I don't think it will be the path I go down. My body has been through such a lot already and will never be the same again. And whilst I'm in awe of you ladies going through it at the moment, I can't imagine being able to do it. No more gowns/canulas/needles no no no. I've no idea if ill change my mind about this but until I'm really really ready, I think it would be pretty daft to get the ball rolling. I just needed to put this out there and see how it felt written down. I'm not temping or anything this month. There doesn't seem a lot of point. I do wonder if I'm actually a little down at the moment. I have never been depressed. Bt I'm starting to wonder if this is what it feels like. Or maybe it's just sad. Maybe I should start taking my vit d again.

I've been thinking of the Beirut 4, rem and rom, sapphire and gin and nelly a lot and am cheering you all on from my little hibernation hole. I hope you've had a good weekend and hope time isn't dragging too slowly.

I had a long chat with a good friend today and feel a lot better that whilst things are different now they all have babies, they aren't going anywhere and it isn't always like Facebook makes out. The right things got said and I needed that.

madness I think you're right to keep the appointment rolling. I'm due to make mine in the new year. I'll be clinging on to the end of January before I make the call! And I'd never thought of the day in the life of a fannycam. Yak. I don't actually mind it. But a 45 minute session one time got a bit much. joycep I'd still like one of my own!

cosmos I'm o positive. I found this out this summer in the near blood transfusion terror. Bummer about the fsh levels! But then, my grandmas are both o and had babies in their 40s. And 47% of the population are o+ so I'm going to try and shelve that worry. I was a bit pissed off I wasn't rare Grin

This has been rather a self indulgent me post. I'm sure if I look back to last November I will be similarly miserable. I try to be yogi like and embrace each season but who am I kidding, I am summer girl. Wave to the 10plus massive.

rabbitonthemoon · 18/11/2012 21:07

Oh and art v thoughtful comments about the weight. It's been a curse for me. Though having an ex that monitored my weight didn't help (shit). But I have just eaten a massive roast and three Yorkshire puddings. Yum!

Cosmos1 · 18/11/2012 22:00

Rabbit I am Shock Angry at your ex. I agree with what Art was talking about weight and media. We hit our prime teenage years just as the whole heroin chic look came in and I remember being convinced I was humongous as a 9.5 stone size 10 and used to do some very shameful and embarrassing (to me) eating habits. Weight /self-esteem are so entwined aren't they.

Ivf is gruelling and I think if you're not feeling really up for it at the moment then that's a good decision.

Btw what's going on your list43???

That article was interesting though she does sound a little unbalanced to me.

MuddyWellyNelly · 18/11/2012 22:06

I wrote a long (very intelligent and amusing, obv) post and just lost it.

Basically it was a huge hug to Rabbit and lots of other replies. You'll just have to use your imagination Grin.

Am feeling rather nervous about tomorrow. I have some slight feelings in the ovaries. And the spotting seems to have stopped. So fingers crossed things are moving in the right direction. But I am not holding my breath.

Doll good luck tomorrow - hope the hostages have been ummm - freed? Remained in captivity? Not sure what the analogy is! Anyway, best of luck, hope you have some good ones to transfer. I can't believe they haven't told you.

I will post tomorrow after my next game of searching for a needle in a haystack. I will try to steal some of Doll's laissez-faire attitude and just assume my ovaries need time to wake up. I have shouted at them some more. That ought to do it.

ThatWayMadnessLies · 19/11/2012 07:35

Rushing off to work but wanted to say good luck to nelly and doll. You'll have all of us wishing you well today xx

ArtemisTheHunter · 19/11/2012 09:53

Just popping in to say good luck to Doll and Nelly. Thinking of both of you today, hoping for some good news x

ArtemisTheHunter · 19/11/2012 09:56

... and Madness too, hope you get some positive answers from your appointment. I found counselling very helpful so I would say it's worth asking.

akuabadoll · 19/11/2012 09:58

Oh rabbit no one has to do IVF, put it aside for now. Things may change again. You have been through such a lot. Many many hugs.

nelly indeed the hosage analogy is somewhat confused. I'm going to see the situation in a couple of hours, thanks for the good luck and madness too. I'm in a cafe trying to work with little success, a had a meeting earlier this morning and the rest of it seems to have dissappeared in a sea of decaf.

Good luck to you too nelly hugs.

akuabadoll · 19/11/2012 10:02

X -post artemis thanks. By the way I know what you mean about not being able to tell what is lady bits and what is food processing bits. I don't feel right either.

madness hope appointment goes well, full report required Wink

mrsden · 19/11/2012 10:09

Good luck today nelly and doll. And also to madness.

Rabbit, the decision over whether to have ivf or not is such a personal one. You have to go with what is right for you and hare. I know what you mean about not wanting the prodding, poking etc. I feel like that and I haven't actually had anything invasive done yet. So, I totally see why you'd think that. All I can tell you is how we reached the decision to go for ivf, but our situation is quite different so it's probably not useful to your thinking at all. I will explain it if you're interested.

Im really supposed to be writing a report, but my mind is blank. I'm waiting for af to show up, due any day I think. My boobs are very sore this month. And my nipples too, which is new for me. We will go for the baseline scan on day 26 or so of this next cycle so i want af to show up so it's closer. I just want to get started now.

EuroShagmore · 19/11/2012 12:16

doll that is some mega calorific chocolate! Are you sure that is not the figure for a larger quantity? The Lindt dark choc I have on my desk is 204 calories for 40g! Green & Blacks has brought out milk chocolate with sea salt, which is rather morish! I hope ET went well today!

frannie that is such good news about your scan. I am really pleased for you. Please do come back and update us about you and your nephew if you do move on!

nelly babies always look like their dads anyway, so I think that would happen DE or not! You are a long way from that at the moment though. The drs just need to get your drugs right, and you will have lovely little embies soon enough!

mrsd you are not a nasty person! It is very difficult not to be a bit bitter about the unfairness of how babies are doled out.

I think the kitties are in the US. If you are on facebook, have a look at TheCritterRoom - it is their homepage or whatever you call it. The mum was a stray and the kitties will be going for adoption when they are big enough I think.

BTW, it would definitely be South Korea! It would be quite fun to go, but all the travelling would make it an exhausting run up to Xmas.

ARGH! This post was twice as long and I have just managed to delete a load of it. I am not sure what else I had said! Damn my fat fingers! I always cc my posts before I hit post as I have lost so many to mumsnet tech issues, but somehow I managed to lose a load of it.

So sorry to everyone I have missed. I had named-checked you - promise, but I have to do some work now. Grrrrrrrr.

MuddyWellyNelly · 19/11/2012 12:21

Hello. Hiding in loo to post as boss keeps catching me on my phone Blush. So today was slightly better. The 2 lefties which were 2-5 are now 6-9mm. They had a good view of the right this time too. I have a 6-9 there, plus a 10mm. Wooooo hoooooo. Ok that's not big enough but a definite improvement. Lining had gone from 4.4 to 9.8 and spotting def stopped. Less doom and gloom from the nurse too. So the have retested bloods. Don't know that yet obv but the growth means they say keep going for now. I've to go back on Wednesday just cos drugs will have run out by then. Otherwise it would have been Friday. If no more development by Wed though they might suggest stopping. She asked if I'd go to theatre with just one. I said yes as it only needs one, and I had Frannies one embie story fresh in my mind. The nurse gave me an actual thumbs up when I said yes.Smile

So my body has stepped up a gear. I actually patted my legs on the drive back and told my ovaries out loud that they had been clever BlushGrin.

Not out of the woods. But it was a change for the better at least.

Doll fingers massively crossed for you too.

Thanks again everyone for the support. It has made so much difference. X

EuroShagmore · 19/11/2012 12:27

Yay, that's good to hear Nelly. Clearly shouting at them worked!

ArtemisTheHunter · 19/11/2012 12:57

Great news Nelly. I foresee a spate of 10+ers wandering around talking to our ovaries :) I'm sure now the follies have got going they'll continue to grow. I assume they've left your drug dose as it was?

Euro and Doll I am a fan of chocolate with sea salt too but I haven't even looked at the calorific content Grin Looking forward to an update on the Beirut 4.

Just had some disappointing news from the embryologist. The six embryos they were culturing over the weekend to try to get to blast stage for freezing didn't make it Sad. One got as far as blastocyst but was not good enough quality and the others didn't get that far. It makes me worry now about the ones they have put back. Obviously they used the two best ones but none of our embryos were great. It seems I stimulated well, produced lots of follies, had a good fertilisation rate but then average to poor quality embryos Sad

Quiet in here today - everyone must be concentrating on their work apart from me...

ArtemisTheHunter · 19/11/2012 13:00

Also meant to say to Rabbit, nobody's going to make you do IVF. It's a very personal decision as mrsden says. But you are a long way from that at the moment. Your body is readjusting, and given your BFP last month I don't think you're far off your big finger moment. It will happen. Don't worry about the stuff that isn't even on the table yet.

Mrsden I've got everything crossed for an ironic BFP for you. My mind's a blank today too as evidenced by my many posts on here!

MuddyWellyNelly · 19/11/2012 13:06

I'm not concentrating on work, Art. Remember the womb is better for them than a Petri dish. And the one thing I've taken away from the woo is that now is the time more than ever to avoid stress hormones. Do not dwell on those embies for now. Do whatever you need to stay chilled. Distract yourself somehow, whether with the woo CDs or work or Christmas shopping or sudoku. Deep breaths. Channel your inner Edina Monsoon Wink. Rom and Rem were the best remember .

I too am hoping the growth keeps ongoing now. But I don't want to count my chickens yet.

Euro yes the shouting is obviously a previously undiscovered treatment. Just remember to dish out as much praise when they've been good Wink.

.

CritterPants · 19/11/2012 13:08

Yay nelly! Oh my goodness, what a relief, and hooray hooray for your clever ovaries. Fantastic news. Fingers crossed for Wednesday - we are all cheering them on.

rabbit I hope your tooth is better, you poor thing, that sounds very painful. And I totally understand about not wanting to do IVF - as others have said, you have to do what is right for you.

doll I agree - I would put your memoir on my Amazon wish list in a flash! I'm sure it wasn't so funny at the time though! Good luck today, I'll be thinking of you. You can buy the sea salt milk chocolate at Whole Foods here, it has toffee pieces in it too, and is really delicious. I wonder though if you could get the same effect with normal chocolate and then just a sprinkling of Maldon salt on top?

madness good luck at your appointment.

euro I am loving the kitty cam. Korea sounds amazing - how long would the trip be for? Will you have to tell work not to arrange work-related travel for you during the IVF period?

buzzy what a scare about Kayla's escape artist antics - glad she is ok.

gin not long now, hope you are ok during the stressful wait.

cosmos I don't know what my blood type is, just that it is negative (as apparently both my parents are negative types).

sar how are you feeling? I hope you had a relaxing weekend.

artemis That's disappointing about the extra embryos - but as you say, they picked the best quality ones to put back, and as someone here said recently, your lovely warm womble is a much better place for the embies than a petri dish. Your embies have every chance of making it in the more comfy environs of your uterus. I see them putting their feet up, popping the kettle on, and snuggling in under the duvet for a long ride. Come on Castor and Pollux!

My health insurance is tied to the job - it also covers MrC's health insurance as he is effectively freelance. It just adds another layer of complication onto job worries. We will be ok either way, we have savings, and I have hatched a cunning plan to try to encourage them to keep me.

mrsd sorry you're feeling crap pre-AF. I totally understand wanting to get on with the cycle as soon as possible.

All ok here - it's Thanksgiving on Thursday so this will be a three-day week as we get Friday off too, thank goodness. I've been feeling a little blue this weekend, just due to a lot of baby chat among MrC's pals (one of whom is lovely but had got really upset about having been trying for three months without success - I told her about ovulation sticks and that it's supposed to be only a 20% chance every month, even if you're doing it at the right time, for non-barrens). She was very sweet and thanked me and said it made her feel better - but I did feel a little like the Ancient Mariner of fertility woes, with my albatross around my neck/slothful ovaries. On the other hand, my poetry coffee morning was lovely. The lady who hosted (it was just three of us there) made oatmeal muffins and had a hot milk frother (the height of luxury, yum) and she also told me that all four of her grandchildren had IVF beginnings. She showed me pictures of them and they were so cute - a baby and sweet little four, five and seven year olds. And she told me that it took both her DDs several rounds of IVF to produce them. So that made me feel better. The other guy there, who's probably in his sixties, told me that it took him and his wife years to have their children and that he remembered being in a department store years ago and seeing someone pregnant and wanting to go up to her and say 'How did you do that?' because it seemed so impossible. People can be so kind. Smile

MuddyWellyNelly · 19/11/2012 13:08

Oh yes same dose. They said they'd only really up it if I was about 80kg (I'm low 50's) and that I'd just pee more out.

Rabbit, Art also just said what I'd posted last night but lost. You won't need IVF. Smile

GinSoaked · 19/11/2012 14:19

Hi nelly, that's great news! Well done nellie follies! It doesn't sound like they are growing particularly slowly to me. Maybe I should have shouted at mine to calm down and stop with the whole over stimulation thang ;)

art sorry to hear the other embryos didn't make it, but my clinic is adamant that in mum is the best place for them. They prefer 3 day to 5 day transfers. Hope you are doing ok. Any symptoms yet?

doll good luck for later! Do you know how many you will have put back??

madness hope your appointment goes ok.

critter sorry to hear you were feeling a bit blue, but not long until your ivf cycle. I love the story about the ivf grandkids. Brave ladies to go through it so many times.

buzzy :) at kayla's antics. I've heard of cats going mental for dreamies.

cosmos Intersting about the blood group thing. Dave is o, maybe that's why he's infertile! It is interesting how much infertility focuses on women and there tends to be little research into male factor. Or maybe it just feels that way to me!

mrsd not long until your ivf cycle too. Do they decide at the scan what protocol you will be on?

Awww rabbit, I would only advise starting ivf if you are 100% committed to it. It's such a hard hard thing to do and I do think you have to be ready for it. I just don't think I can do it again, although will do a FET and iui.

euro I am now officially addicted to the kitties. Err don't they eat them in Korea?!

Waves to everyone else.

I'm turning into a bit of an emotional wreck and am pretty convinced the cycle hasn't worked. On Saturday I thought I had some good symptoms - sore boobs, ovary twinges, nausea- so did a cheapie early hpt on Sunday, which was negative. I now have a migraine type thing today (typical pre-af thing for me) and the period pains are getting worse. Last night I cried when Dave did the clexane - it really hurt and bled a fair bit. I'm quite tempted to stop with them..

I know I tested a bit early - otd is thurs- but I suspect it's real. Ivf is a numbers game, but I feel like these were good quality embryos and should have worked. I feel like I'm never going to be pregnant, ever, despite all the effort we've put in. It's all so fucking unfair.

Sorry for the moaning, I don't want to bring down/put off any of the other ivfers. Just needed to off load.