Fantastic 40+ Thread - Part Eight.

[goldengirl71]

"Come on ovaries! Let's get this party started, yeah?"

Hi all, temporarily delurking, mainly to offer hugs all round as it sounds as though everyone needs them.

I must admit I haven't been on here recently in part because I need a bit of a break to keep my head straight but also because I was finding all the doom and gloom honesty a bit depressing. I saw the post about 43 plus and also felt stung and it did seem to be aimed particularly at gum at least how I read it.

At 43 I have one miscarriage behind me and now I have some idea what being pregnant feels like, I believe there have been at least two or three others at a very early stage when I have been up to a week late but not tested. So I feel like one of 'those' women even though I don't have several confirmed mc. I feel pretty down about it all as it is but am not yet ready to give up all hope and the message in question seemed to read as though all of us in that bracket ought to give it up although I am sure that isn't how it was meant to read.

Golden, if you are reading this I really do hope you get your BFP, I am a bit worried about you tbh and what you will do if it doesn't happen, so sending hugs in your direction too. I try to make sure there are other good things in my life, like seeing friends, sport, weekends away etc, it doesn't take the longing away, but it does help.

Sorry Golden, meant to say 'how you will cope' not what will you do. Hugs to all again.

Sorry Golden, meant to say 'how you will cope' not what will you do. Hugs to all again.

Argh double post!

Argh double post!

I will post one last time to clear something up: when I have 'banged on' about the age of 43 it has been because two women recently have come to this thread, at the age of 43, to ask for advice. They were told what 'excellent' chances they had of having a baby. I told them they did not. I advised that they run for IVF (donor eggs) if they could possibly afford it. Later, I expressed why I thought Gum's GP was irresponsible to bolster her 'obsession' with one last baby when she is suffering recurrent miscarriages. Please do not continue to pillory me for being straight with newbies. You have all made your point and of course I have returned here to read how people are doing since the furore. I have been astonished at the inference that I had a vendetta against Gum and women over 43 in general. Gum was one of my favourite people to talk with on here as she was so generous with her sharing.

It surprises me to see so many lurkers come out of the shadows when they think a veteran is 'under attack'. Where are you the rest of the time? If you feel so strongly about supporting the dreams of women in their mid-forties maybe you could be a little more vocal when their AF arrives each month.

Good morning all! Really pleased to see that the mood seems to have lifted here

CaliBee - so do you know yet if your DP will get leave the weekend you might 'pop' some eggs?!? That would be great timing! Sometimes these opportunities present themselves out of the blue, and you have to make most of them. Fingers crossed that he will be able to come home!
I have to say I don't envy you being a (sort of) army wife - it must be so hard, the long separations and also the thought of them having to go to -shall we say- less stable areas... But if it's what he wants to do! Better be happy with your job and having to deal with some inconveniences, than to have a comfortable one and be unhappy! I speak from experience

Irish - I know I'm a bit silly obsessing about the age gap, after all this should be the least of my worries! It's just what I always imagined it would be like, and I sometimes struggle to admit that these things are out of my control. For example, I had imagined ttc again after DS a lot sooner, but then had a very scary episode of seriously bad health, which delayed everything. And you are right, there is no reason that DS won't have a good relationship with any younger siblings. I for one get on much better with my sister (3 years younger) than my brother (2 years younger)!

gum - love the image of you dancing around the living room with your children! Something everyone should do once in a while, maybe, with or without children...

I'm still about my AF, or rather the lack of. I am now on CD29, and there is still no sign. I'm itching to test again, but don't know if I can handle another BFN so soon... I have started to come up with reasons why it was negative on Wednesday, but the only one that makes sense to me was that I tested in the afternoon, not morning, and I had been drinking quite a lot because of my uti
At the moment I'm entertaining the thought of 'maybe if I throw lots of money on fertility paraphernalia, I will get pregnant really quickly' . In the last few days, I have bought: a cbfm, the cbfm sticks, the book the GP recommended and lots of pg tests - after splashing out on yet another digital one on Wednesday, I figured I need something cheaper, who knows how often I will have to test?! But wouldn't it be irony if after all this, I turn out to be up the duff?!? Here's hoping...

Irish I'm still dithering on the scan front! I had my first appt with the midwife who said I should have my first scan around week 12 (2 weeks) so i might just hang on and see if the hospital sorts out an appt. i was a bit disappointed with my first appointment to be honest, the midwife looked around 12 and was quite condescending - apparently they don't feel your tummy or do an examination until much later now although i did have bloods and urine done. Lots of questions too i didn't get asked when I was having my daughter which shows how times have changed (mental health, questions about domestic violence etc) a good thing i guess but just different!

Feeling like poo today and shouted at the cat as he was wailing outside my bedroom door at 3am, he got his revenge by tipping my dh's mobile on the floor this morning and messing it up so he lost all his contacts haha

jbrd....still none the wiser as to the weekend leave. He was away on an outdoor exercise last night so we didnt talk. They definately have the Saturday and Sunday off....however it takes him 6 hours to get here and the same back so he would spend most of it travelling. Hopefully they get slightly longer which would make the travelling worth while. Not sure Im cut out for this army girlfriend business either...however its how it has to be.
goth lovely to hear from you...how's things??
tina Big hug for you...naughty cat raaaa.

Cali - could you travel up and meet him half way?! Find a nice romantic hotel/B&B in the middle between you, treat yourselves to a little getaway and make most of the time you have together When I first met DH, we were living in different cities, so lots of travelling at weekends (however, that was only ever 1.5 hours, nothing like your distance).

Tina - hope you feel better soon! Can you call the hospital directly to arrange the 12week scan? My midwife advised me to do that when I was pg with DS, as they are very slow on processing the requests for scans that are coming - and you don't want to miss the date/week when it's supposed to be.

hello ladies, I have just found this thread and feel as if I am intruding a little, but am on my second day of clomid and feel horrible. DS is 14 months and we concieved first time trying (despite being 40 and having only one working ovary!) GP wants me to use clomid as hormone tests indicate i am not ovulating regularly....
some of you have mentioned scans on certain days - can you enlighten me as to when they should be done, or am I whistling in the wind expecting my GP to arrange this???

Hi Tina sorry you're feeling rubbish, sleep deprivation doesn't help, are you feeling sick as well?
Hopefully your hospital scan appointment will come through quickly,if you are tempted to book a private scan is there somewhere local you can go?
How does your older daughter feel about being a big sister to twins,is she excited?
JBrd are you waiting a few days or testing again with FMU? You'll have to let us know.
CaliBee I can't imagine how hard it must be facing the prospect of being apart from your DP so much but your reunions must be great! My friend's husband is in the Navy and he's away quite a lot, now the children are in school she's chosen to stay put at home rather than go with him each placement,unless it's for a really long period. It works well for them,they're very happy. If the relationship is strong enough, and it sounds like yours is, you'll get through it. What do you think your DS will do after GCSEs?
gothin good to see you back!

Golden - I said in my post that I didn't think what you had said was meant to make the over 43's feel bad or that there was any kind of vendetta, for what it's worth i didn't think you meant it that way, you did though make various references to Gum in some of your posts. As I said, I do hope you get your BFP that you so badly want.

I am ok, though as each month goes by I feel less and less hopeful which is why I haven't been on the thread much, as I am trying not to obsess. I'm not ready to give up yet, though. I had another late AF last month - my cycle is usually a clockwork 28 days but AF didn't arrive until CD31. I didn't think it had been my month to be honest, but was a pretty bad AF as well which was depressing.

JBRD - I would test again if it doesn't turn up in a day or 2, fingers crossed!

Tina - hope you feel better soon.

Cali - hope you manage to see him soon!

Hey minnie I've just finished my first cycle of clomid too cd8 for me and took it on days 2-5. I have a scan booked for next Monday which is cd12 I think...i guess its to take a look at the response to the clomid. I understand I may have to go back a couple of times over the following few days and if they believe the response is a good one they will give a trigger shot to release eggs ...hope this helps.

jbrd....I had toyed with the idea of doing the hotel thing but having forked out for travel lodges twice in the last month and the fact that it costs a good £60 in diesel for the round trip I'm thinking that this close to xmas my bank account may groan at that one. Things are disgustingly tight just now.

irish...DS hoping to be a PE teacher or something to do with sport. He had the evil Mother stare though when a couple of months ago he mentioned joining the Army...my (nearly)19 yo DD2 is off for an interview next week to go in as an officer and train to be a frontline nurse....raaaa . I blame DP. Luckily all 3 of my children love him to bits. It must be hard for them at times...I'm sure (infact I know)they have taken a ribbing from some people about him being closer to their age and black!!!!

Goth I know what you mean about taking a break so as not to obsess too much. I gave up temping, charting and peeing on sticks for the first 3 weeks DP was away...it was a welcome break and if I'm honest I forget more times than not to temp first thing at the moment. I think him being away has definately peed on my ttc fire lol.

Thanks Calibee! That's really helpful :)

I'm also sorry to see that with all this activity there's still no new bfp yet.
Good to hear from all the newbies and lurkers though, especially those with evidence that the delivery of a healthy, naturally conceived baby is not impossible at our age. Good to see also that everyone didn't really leave the thread

I have to agree that given there are plenty of other places, even within MN, that we can go to to hear that a woman even over the age of 35 is a crazy idiot for ttc we really should be concentrating on supporting, not discouraging, each other here.

Anyway, I had a call from doctor today about blood test. I had the day 3 one last friday and day 21 week before that. Unfortunately I was cycling at the time and I managed to cancel the call taking the phone out of my pocket. A message was left with the news that the results were 'normal', and that it did look like I was ovulating. While that's probably good news I'm really annoyed to have missed the call. I suspect they've only got the day 21 results, and I really wanted details, numbers that I can google and obsess about. I'll have to wait for next week to get those now

I'm on day 9 on my new cbfm. Still showing a low result. I'm slightly unnerved though by the fact that it turns itself off before displaying the result. So I turn it on again, remove the stick and assume the bars that it shows me mean that it did read the stick successfully.

Remnant, glad I give you hope ;) my best friend conceived naturally at 41 and has a gorgeous healthy girl, despite previous miscarriages.
I found the whole 40+ pregnancy thing stressful due to all the oh so helpful comments and articles about how you are more likely to give birth to a three headed goat than a healthy baby! Oh, and as I was overweight that also meant the whole process was doomed....
I really think its the luck of the draw, and you just do all you can to tip things in your favour.

Remnant....I bet you could kick yourself. Are you not able to call the Doctor back and ask for more specifics? I think I would have to.
My cbfm used to do that too...I think the first month I used it was text book. I had highs from cd10 followed by peaks on cd14 and 15...a very standard 28 dayer.....it all went downhill from thereonin lol.

I seriously considered staying away from this thread completely...that was my original intention. I really dont suffer fools gladly and at some point would have said something I may later have regretted. On reflection, now the bruhaha has had its day, I realise that this is my only real outlet for chat concerning ttc....especially with DP being unable to get any sort of "private" talk with me at the moment. I have a couple of trusted allies who know, but its rarely discussed. I'm sure they are actually of the opinion that I am quite, quite mad and its a subject that will maybe go away if ignored hehehe.

minnie glad I could help...let me know if theres anything else.

welcome Minnie hope your stay here is a short one in the nicest possible way!

Irish I haven't actually been sick but I feel a bit nauseous sometimes, not bad considering I'm having twins but I've felt rough all day today for some reason. the hospital here offers private scans for £75 and it seems simple and quick to arrange but as the midwife said to wait a week before calling if the hospital haven't sent me an appt I think I'll wait until then and then chase them, I could do without spending £75 to be honest!

My daughter is still very unhappy at my pregnancy, I think she's a bit jealous and insecure as it's been just her for so long, I also think she's worried I might die having them or something but I hope she comes round when they're born - it's also difficult for her as genetically they won't be related to her so she feels they won't really be her brothers/sisters

Tina, I am sure as soon as she sees those gorgeous babies, she will will be smitten.

My daughters both cried (and not tears of joy) when I announced my pregnancy Christmas 2010. I felt awful! But when I lost that baby they were very sad. They adore their younger brother and I know if we were to have another baby they would be smitten all over again,just as your daughter will be.

Remnant, can you call the doctor's office back to get the specific results? I know I'd be banging down their door to find out! It is good to know you are ovulating. It can be reassuring to hear, even when you suspect all is well, I think, a bit of reassurance goes a long way.

I am still waiting for my CBFM. I wish it was here.I can't remember,can I start it when I've already started my AF? I won't have to wait a whole month will I? I have started taking red clover again (in tablet form, I always forget to drink the infusion I make and it sits in the fridge for weeks). Red clover has isoflavones in it, like soy, but better apparently, which is like taking nature's clomid (so I have heard).It boosts estrogen, and as I know mine is on the low side I am hoping it will help with ovulation and thickening my endometrial lining. It isn't good if you have high estrogen (as in endometriosis and fibroids).Anyway, I am now taking that, as well as the DHEA, CO q 10, royal jelly,VIt D,B and pre-natal as well as wheat grass,zinc and fish oil. I have to split all these vitamins and sups because there are too many to take at once.

I know it sounds nuttybut I am a firm believer in the power of herbs and vitamins and I don't feel they can do any harm. I have stopped the vitex(also known as Chasteberry or Agnus Castus), because it isn't a good idea to take with an estrogen booster. I guess I am peeing alot of of this stuff out, but if it is one of those things or a combo of them that helps straighten out my hormones and produce a juicy big egg, well, why not?

I had acupuncture last night.It was blissful-I feel all melty and warm afterwards. She said my pulses were really good and healthy. TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) says that having the body in balance is key to good health, particularly fertility. They also believe a woman is capable of conceiving until she is 49 if her body is in balance.

Jbrd, like you I keep thinking that if I throw enough money at ttc I will (ironically)fall pregnant - its "Murphy's law", right? Unfortunately I have been throwing money at this for a while now,and still no THB.But I am happy to feel like I am contributing and doing what I can. What is a bit frustrating to me (though, by now I am accepting) is that our private health insurance would cover the cost of fertility treatment. If my DH was keen, I could go for donor egg and IVF without having to worry about the cost of it. There is NO way my DH would do that, and as I said,I've come to accept that.

Sorry, I've rabbited on and on about myself.

It's great to see everyone chatting again.Like you Calibee, I really do like having friends here to discuss all things ttc.It really helps.

Hopeful, you have a few days: "If you are not able to set the m Button during the first 5 days of your cycle, you should wait until your next cycle starts to set the m Button." more here

I don't want to out myself here, but I can say Tina that in my experience older step-children come round to surprise new siblings surprisingly well, even from very bad beginnings! I'm sure the genetic issue will pale into insignificance when the time comes too.

Calibee, great that your kids look up to your OH. I do hope you can keep them all out of Afghanistan!

The GP who sent me for the tests was on holiday today, so it was another who left the message for me. She ended it by saying that I can make an appointment with my 'usual gp' to discuss results further. She couldn't have sounded less interested. I did try to call back but it takes a lot of patience to get through the answering machinery at my surgery and I gave up. I will try to get an appointment on Monday, when they should certainly have had both sets of results by then. I suspect anyway that more detail won't necessarily bring more hope so I'm going to enjoy the 'normal' diagnosis for a few days.

Interesting to hear about all these supplements. I'm not yet taking dhea, red clover, wheat grass or vid d. All of the others though and more. Just started them this month, and will re-evaluate next month. My urine is a very vivid colour and smells like I've been od'ing on asparagus!

jbrd, any developments?

remnant - how frustrating! Really hope you'll manage to pin down the GP to sit down with you to discuss the results and any further action in detail. It is so annoying that they always have so little time for the really important talks.

gum as far as I know, you can start with the cbfm up to 5 days into your cycle, there is a function to set the counter. Hope it turns up soon!

I've received the book today, blimey! Hadn't realised it's so massive, there's some 'light' reading. I feel almost intimidated.

Nothing happening at my end... I'm holding out for the weekend before I test again... It's all very strange, and I don't know what to think of it. Needless to say, I'm pretty preoccupied at the moment, work are not getting their money's worth out of me right now! But that's the least of my worries.

I'm a great believer in treatments like acupuncture and reflexology. Years ago, I had acupuncture for migraine, and it has never returned. I will definitively consider it for ttc, should this go on. I am having reflexology next week, so looking forward to it, I love it. Highly recommended for the feel good effect!

I hope you don't mind me dropping in and sharing a dilemma, I am an occasional lurker.

We have just been offered a not very matching DE match. DP is wavering about saying yes as the lovely donor has completely different colouring from me. I don't know whether to read more into this - he might be naturally spooked by things becoming real all of a sudden or might be having genuine second thoughts.

I think I could tip the balance either way by being very assertive but I'm not sure I should. My feelings and thoughts are in a huge muddle.

I do wish all on this thread luck, love and wisdom, I identify so much with what you all write.

gum .....jbrd is right, you can set cbfm up to cd5, after that you would need to wait for next cycle.
Fingers absolutely crossed for you jbrd.....eeek exciting.
Welcome isabeller , thats a bit of a dilemma. He could be just having a wobble. I think if it was me I would be shrugging it off. My ex husband and I are both dark (he looks like an arab in the summer lol) we produced 2 fair blond ones and a darkie like us lol.....so I'm not sure how much sway I would hold on colouring anyway. Funnily enough I'm one of three too...my brother end sister are blonde haired and fair skinned. I'm olive skinned and dark haired.

Feeling a bit battered this morning. DP was away on overnight exercise on Weds night so he couldnt call. I was really looking forward to our catch up last night only to get a quick text at 5pm to say they were all off to some charity boxing match and that he would call me after it. Hmmmmm 11pm, I'd just fallen asleep after 2 hours of winding myself up (thinking am I really cut out for this sort of relationship...this will get worse not better).. he calls. The reception was frosty to say the least and we ended up having a bit of a spat as I told him I wont sit in waiting for his calls all night and will be out all weekend. Ooops am I a total bitch?? Ive had a text this morning saying he loves me more than anything and anybody else in the world....but even that hasnt broken my icy shell. Raaaaaaaa. Its gonna be a loooooooong day.

CaliBee you're not a bitch, but I'm sure your OH didn't think about you sitting in waiting for the call, I think it's harder for the person at home rather than the one who's away and kept really busy with activities etc. I know it's not the same thing at all but my DH is sometimes away on business trips and at meetings and I'm the one sitting at home hoping he'll ring for a long chat while if he's occupied or having meals with colleagues or clients in the evenings it'll just be a quick text, it doesn't even cross his mind that I might miss him or just want to hear his voice! It's difficult for you when your time is so limited trying to explain how it made you feel,it would be so much easier if it was face to face,but I think that text he sent you this morning says it all!
He sounds like a good role model for your DC too, but I'm sure you're hoping DS wont join the army too,a PE teacher or Sports Coach would be a safer option! It's great your DD has a clear idea of what she wants to do career wise, hopefully she wont end up on the frontline though!

Tina I'm sure once the babies are born your DD will feel very different, genetics or not they'll be her little brothers or sisters!
My DDs were delighted when they heard I was pregnant in March but DS was a lot more reserved about it all. We didn't tell any of them about the second miscarriage as it was so early .When DH told DS I was pregnant again in the summer(after a scan that showed everything was fine) his reaction was dismay, but mainly because of the devastation the first miscarriage had brought. I didn't realize how much it had affected him seeing me upset, he was a great support but I suppose even grown up kids don't like seeing their Mum like that. It made me determined when things then went wrong again to stay strong and not let it impact on the family ,one of the reasons I opted to wait and miscarry naturally rather than go into hospital.
Your DD is probably worried about you and if she's had your undivided attention for years she might have mixed feelings about sharing it but I'm sure she'll come round to the idea.

gum I've never had acupuncture but it sounds lovely!

remnant how frustrating to get half a message, but it is positive to hear things are normal.

JBrd I admire your self control, I think I would have poas again before now!

Minnie welcome to the thread,afraid I know nothing about clomid though!

Welcome to you too Isabeller ,I can see your dilemma but trying to put myself in your position I don't think I'd mind colouring/characteristics of the donor too much, it's only going to be half the genetic input anyway. Has your DH got similar colouring too?