Fantastic 40+ Thread - Part Eight.

[goldengirl71]

"Come on ovaries! Let's get this party started, yeah?"

Oh, I am soooo confused. I said AF arrived yesterday - well, or so I thought! It's the strangest start of AF I have ever had, it really is just spotting, nothing more at the moment. I never have this, usually my af starts with light bleeding for half a day and then, wham, I bleed like a pig for 3 days (sorry for the tmi). But this?! Just some light spotting, brown-ish, not even enough to justify putting the smallest tampon in.
I am cramping and have backache, which I always have, but the spotting is sooooo odd. Surely it can't be implantation bleeding, at 12/13DPO?!? Very strange...

Of course the cbfm arrived today, and now I don't know if I should set it up yet! I'll probably wait another day, apparently, you can adjust the cycle start up to 5 days in retrospect. But what is going on?!?

DH saw the GP today - he went for the still ongoing ache in his testicles, which is most likely because of an infection, so he's now on antibiotics. However, the stupid GP was running very late (DH had to wait over an hour to be seen), so wasn't prepared to go into great detail about fertility testing - he suggested it would be "the easiest" to start with me! Great I know it's easier to test me, but that's why I want to get DH into the system, to tackle it from both ends!
Well, that has made the decision for me, I'm going to call first thing tomorrow to get a same day appointment. If the system doesn't want to play, I don't want to play the system either. This is ridiculous. Sorry in advance to the very sick person whose appointment I will probably have to steal

Golden - thank you for asking about my job. It's still shit, and I am suffering, but have started devising my exit strategy. I have been doing lots of research, talked to quite a few people and will start re-writing my CV this week. Next week I'm booked into a CV clinic, where I'm hoping to get some useful feedback. Then I need to make/finalise the list of companies where I want to send it to and decide if I will start doing that before Christmas (or wait until January)... Not the best time to go job hunting! But I feel better for having a plan, so that's positive.

Jbrd, your "AF" does sound a bit odd.Will you test? If I were you,I would, because implantation bleeding can take place a few days after implantation, that's why it is often mistaken for a period.

I'm glad you are calling in for that appointment. Your needs are as important as a dick persons

Deige, my temp is dropping. I fully expect AF to arrive this week.And I'm okay with that. I really do have a renewed sense of hope. I don't need to be desperate about this and if it happens I'll be overjoyed, but I do know that my chances at this age are very slim.

Golden, I think what my doctor was concerned about was that if I'm ovulating by myself already, then clomid would overstimulate my ovaries and cause them to pump out too many eggs at once, hence losing them quicker than I'd like to.It can also cause FSH to get much higher as you age,which isn't a good thing for someone my age.My fsh,when last tested was quite good for my age (it was 11) and we don't want to speed up the process of going into menopause. My doctor said that if you have a "low ovarian reserve" (which no doubt I do at age 46) then clomid is not a good idea. I trust her,and feel confident that it isn't for me.

I recently read that up to age 43 you have a 10% chance of pregnancy every cycle, not the 1% that is often quoted.

Golden, why are you pleased that your pre-O temps are high? What does that mean? I hope the scan goes well.

Gum, for me, the notion of Clomid forcing more than one egg out per month is what made me snatch the consultant's hand off when she offered it to me. If indeed up to five out of six of our eggs are shit then I want more than one meeting the sperm each cycle. The reason we are finding it so difficult to get pregnant at our age, surely, is not because of lack of sperm or mis-timed sex, it is because only one egg is produced each month and that egg is shit. I'm pinning my hopes on the multiple egg notion because, for the last eight months, my eight eggs have obviously not been top dollar. I simply can't bear the thought of another few months of BFNs. I don't think I will cope.

High pre-ov temps signify high levels of oestrogen which, as we know, is good news for follicular growth. Mine this month are the same levels as they were on my pregnancy chart. I just feel like my hormone levels - and my coverline! - are finally as they should be after my miscarriage (about fucking time).

Another lady on the Clomid thread is distraught today after her day 21 results showed she hasn't ovulated. She had a positive OPK, EWCM and a sustained shift on her temperature chart - exactly the same as me before I went on Clomid. These charts are not to be trusted.

Thinking of you, Calibee. How was work today? Are you okay, love?

Also thinking of all the pregnant ladies: Somewhere, Lotsofcheese, Mia'sMummy and Tina-the-twin-bearer! I am so envious of you all!!

JBrd, your exit strategy and CV clinic sound brilliant. Please don't be afraid of making this change - it's essential for your well-being. Don't look back x

P.s..I think your spotting is just a weird period. Brown blood is 'old' and therefore not 'new' enough to be a miscarriage. It's far more likely to be your womb lining.

Golden,I am confused, I thought estrogen lowers temperatures?

Hey ladies....I've had a break from all ttcing activities for a few days whilst DP was home.
Far too much to catch up with on here but glad to see everybody is well...sadly no BFP's just yet but I feel them in my water.
Thankyou for remembering me golden....work is ok. I received an apology (of sorts) for the way they handled the whole situation...i.e emailing on a Friday afternoon and ignoring my pleas for more staff before mistakes would be made. It also transpires that I wasnt the only one to make mistakes.....hmmmm. They then tried to backstep on their proposed rechecks of my work as they realised that we dont have enough staff to properly implement this. Guess what?? I point blank refused to back down and have insisted that I continue with their original checks in order to prove my standard of work. This will cause them godawful staff problems but I am afterall trying to highlight why the original mistakes were made and push for improvements. My name must be mud in managemant office
Ok...day 5 of clomid today....scan next Monday. However I had to open a new strip this morning as I couldnt find the last two and am seriously worried that DP may have taken the them yesterday morning thinking they were co-codamol...ooops. Lol.
So he's gone again.....much tears and snot at train station yesterday....from me of course. I miss my man sooooo very much. Fingers crossed that hes allowed a weekend between now and Christmas.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I have made an appointment at the drs next Tuesday. I will have write a list of what I want (for some reason, I am not that assertive when I get into the doctors - why do I feel like I have to apologise when I am there??)

As for IVF - both my sister and friend had successful IVF cycles in their 40's so I am definitely open to it but my partner is not keen (yet....:-)...) I guess the first step is to establish my fertility (or lack thereof) and then think about what we want to do next.

Am going to start charting as well (ordered a BBT Thermometer from Amazon) if only to try and understand my cycle again and make me feel like I am doing something useful. I am pleased that my partner and I will be on our holidays during what I think is my next fertile window so spending some quality time together :-)

GL

Advice guys - did you find that your miscarriage affected your cycle afterwards??

Just a quickie. Gum, I may have got the oestrogen thing all wrong - will check with consultant today. Am so excited to see this scan...!

The spotting has stopped again .... I'm very confused, and trying not to read too much into this at the same time.

And of course I don't have a pregnancy test at home! Was rummaging around last night, as I was convinced that I had one left from the last time I tested, but then remembered that I have used it, argh! And argh again!

So - I have an appointment with my GP this afternoon (my uti has reared its ugly head again, so I even have an 'legitimate' excuse), but I should probably test before, in case I need antibiotics. Or will they actually test at the doctor's surgery? I'll have to provide a urine sample anyway, so they might as well. Or maybe will they let me, if I bring the test ?

Golden good luck for your scan today - wishing you lots of healthy, strong and super-fertile eggs, ready to pop!

Can't wait to hear what a test says, Jbrd! I hope it is positive.

Golden, also looking forward to hearing how your scan goes.

I have had the day off with DS. It has been lovely.

Geminta, it took a long time for my cycle to straighten out after my first two miscarriages, both around 9 weeks. I then had an early miscarriage around five to six weeks, and my cycle settled more quickly that time. It can take a while before your body excretes the hcg in your system. I still had positive tests about 3 or 4 weeks after my second miscarriage. I hope that helps.

I am in front of the telly watching Jamie Oliver's 15 minute meals. I love him, he is so passionate about food.

Love to all

Deja vu: another two juicy follicles measuring 21.7mm and 25mm! I am nowhere near as excited as last time, especially as neither of those two eggs were fertilised. I was also on the receiving end of some rather blunt speaking on the part of my consultant. We got to talking about miscarriage and I won't impart what he said about women in their forties who keep trying for a baby after two and three losses. Neither will I repeat his stats for women over 43 - suffice to say I have made a vow that I will not be ttc beyond this age unless I have the money for donor eggs and IVF. I left his surgery feeling a little despondent but then, on the bus home, I realised he was simply stating the facts. I don't believe it empowers women of a certain age to be told by health professionals that things are looking good when they are clearly not. In fact, I think they have a duty, at a certain age anyway, to address our obsession.

Another Clomid myth was dispelled: there is no need for a break from the drug after three months - I have been prescribed for six. They do not wish to scan nor inject me in December but I am entitled to still have day 21 tests if I so wish. They are not prepared to increase my dose to 100mg as 50mg is working so well. The reason Clomid is not prescribed to women in their mid-forties is because their ovarian reserve is poor and over-stimulating their ovaries will simply bring the menopause forward. There is not a risk of this with my FSH levels of 8.5, which he said was 'really very good indeed'. IUI 'does not have sparkling results' and they would urge me to spend my £1000 on 'something more worthwhile'.

So...I'm not walking on air. I've been here before - only four weeks ago - and there's nothing to say these two eggs are capable of being fertilised. All I can do is make sure the sperm is there as close to ovulation as possible, and on that note I would like some advice. If you were me, having had the injection at 11am today and knowing I will ovulate at the earliest at 5pm tomorrow evening and at the latest 11am Wednesday morning, would you have sex tonight and tomorrow morning? Or tomorrow morning and evening? (I can't expect DP to do all three in a 36-hour period, not with his ejaculatory issues). I am tempted to refrain until tomorrow morning (12 hours prior to ovulation) and then again in the evening. I am aware of the 'sperm only surviving two hours without ewcm' theory. Even with Pre-seed I am inclined to skip tonight. What do you all think?

Good to have you back on board Golden, hope scan goes well and fingers crossed for you JBrd - we need a BFP on here before Christmas! Gum - I love JO too, but managed to get through a whole episode where he'd rustled up two amazing spreads in the time it took me to open a tin of corned beef, stupid bloody key thing snapped off and Dh had to open it with a chisel.

My plans have gone a bit haywire this week as received a letter from the EPU clinic saying they'd found an infection in my urine sample and need antibiotics. Aaaarggh, can't believe they'd waited six weeks to send the letter out to me, just as I should be coming up to most fertile time I'm having to put everything on hold. Does anyone know if antibiotics stay in your system for a while or would it be safe to ttc the day after I finish this course?

Womble, in January I took antibiotics for five days just prior to ovulation. I got pregnant and had an mmc 11 weeks later. I'm not saying antibiotics played any part in that whatsoever but it is something for you to think about. I am sure millions of women have conceived and given birth whilst on them. However, last month, when my dentist prescribed antibiotics for my infection he specifically asked me not to ttc until his work was done.

WOW! Tons of ewcm on the toilet paper! When should I have sex? Please advise!

Gum, just found this on fertility friend: 'During your pre-ovulation or proliferative phase, estrogen levels rise in correspondence to the growth of follicles in your ovaries.'

I am an idiot. High estrogen (when did this word lose its initial 'o'?) equals lower temps (however, by 'lower' they mean approx 36.36 apparently, rising to approx 36.72 post-ov. This I have just read on the internet )

Golden I know my situation wasn't quite the same but when I had my trigger shot prior to IUI the sperm was injected approximately 36 hours after so I guess you have to ensure some sperm have arrived at their destination around this time - I think the timing varies clinic to clinic though. I've read various articles about how long sperm is supposed to survive with some saying a few hours to a few days. I think I'd be tempted to try tomorrow morning and possibly again in the evening or even the next morning instead -what does everyone else think?

I'm finally having my first appt (booking appt with the midwife tomorrow, it's been stressing me out waiting so I'm really glad its finally arrived, I haven't had any checks yet and I'm 10 weeks which was worrying me.

I'm also considering going for a private scan on monday next week as i don't know how long its going to take until i have my first NHS scan and I'm worrying about my little beans - I keep reading about one twin being lost after an early scan and being absorbed into the body so I just want to make sure they're both still in place!

Also finally trying to take control of my finances prior to going on maternity leave and have been advised by a debt charity to take out a debt management plan, I feel so ashamed having to do this but we don't have a choice and I can't keep burying my head in the sand and ignoring the size of our debts, I certainly don't need the added stress at the moment!

Sorry Golden cross posts earlier. If you're seeing lots of EWCM, perhaps you should try tonight? I know that last time I got pregnant, it was the day that I had lots, and we only had sex once that month so I know exactly when it was!

Help! DP just got home and looked like this when I suggested sex tonight and first thing before work tomorrow: . He wants sex exclusively tonight, remarking that trying again in the morning will only produce a 'watery', small amount of sperm. Why does he stubbornly believe this? Why can't he at least try to fuck me twice in the next twelve hours? I'm afraid that, if we only have sex the once, tonight, the sperm will have died by the time I ovulate (which could be midnight tomorrow or even early Wednesday ). Fucking sick of having to do the maths and fretting about ejaculatory issues.

Thanks to Tina and Womble...has anybody else got an opinion on this? Before the close of shop tonight?

Hmm, my guess would be that tomorrow morning would be marginally better...your dp's reasoning only holds up if he has a low sperm count, according to Marilyn Glenville, but if he's going to stress about doing it twice in succession I'd opt for tomorrow morning. Good luck

Thanks, Diege, DP has been holding onto his sperm now since last Wednesday, hence his reluctance to 'blow it all' tonight and then be 'forced' to perform again tomorrow before he goes to work (he also will be forced to go to work with his flushed 'Viagra face' which puts him off the idea of pre-work sex). I think I will refrain tonight and then take the tsunami of sperm tomorrow morning. But will my ewcm have disappeared by then? [wails]

Oh dear. There have been tears. DP ordered me to clamber atop the dining room table for 'hot sex' and I began to cry. DP: 'What's up now?' Me: 'We always have sex the night before ovulation and I'M NOT GETTING PREGNANT!' [lots of snot and pouting] DP: 'Okay, let's have sex tomorrow night, sweetheart'. Me [howling now]: 'But we always have sex when you get home on the day of ovulation AND IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE AND I'M NOT GETTING PREGNANT!' [more snot]

At this point, DP looked at me very sternly and said that he really doesn't want the pressure of sex at 6am, before work, when he will most definitely not be horny and performance anxiety might preclude him from ejaculating. 'But I thought a six-day sex drought had given you elephantine balls!!' I yelled. I started to cry very loudly. This is when I had an epiphany: babies shouldn't be made like this. It is all a nonsense. My darling DP should not be forced to set his alarm for 5.30, take his Viagra, wait for 45 minutes before knocking on my bedroom door and then trying to perform. It's hideously unsexy and unfair. If we shared a bed things may be different, but we don't - we have separate bedrooms - so we do not wake up together like normal people, reach out and touch one another and have sex (I hate sharing my bed, I cannot love someone who snores like a wart-hog and I abhor bedroom sex - so pedestrian and uninspiring).

So...we had sex. On the dining room table (which is, sadly, now becoming pedestrian). I didn't bother with Pre-seed as I've got swathes of ewcm. I have just got my positive LH surge at 8.30pm. Should I badger him for sex tomorrow night after work?

golden I'm a believer that the day before ovulation is the way to go! You posted earlier in the thread about the delay factor of opk's & temping - you are so right!!! Hormones are slow to work & by the time we detect a LH surge in the urine, we've probably missed the boat already. All my pregnancy scans so far have put me 4 days ahead of when FF said I ovulated.....

So I think tonight (and possibly tomorrow evening if your DH is up for it) are best. I also think it's unfair to expect him to get up so early tomorrow morning & go to work with a Viagra flush.

Tina I'd definitely book a private scan. You need to know, so just go ahead.