Fantastic 40+ Thread - Part Eight.

[goldengirl71]

"Come on ovaries! Let's get this party started, yeah?"

golden , no , I know nothing about Clomid.. I was remembering your post from when you came bbsck from the dr. I thought that was what the dr had told you, sorry, my mistake ..

Massive double congratulations tina !

Wow Tina what wonderful news!!!! I had a wee feeling it might be twins..... You take it easy (while you can!) When is your next scan? If it's not until 12 weeks, I would highly recommend a private one at 10ish weeks, for peace of mind.

golden it's early days yet re:testing - hope your weekend away takes your mind off things a bit. Ps can't believe what your mother was saying about ironing your DH's shirts!! I don't iron. Full stop. DP is a big boy & does his own.

Thanks to everyone for kind words over the last few days. I now have maternity notes lying out on the kitchen surface & am looking at them with suspicion. Can't really describe how I feel, other than that it seems surreal....

womble.....thankyou. I only hope I get to see what our little creation would look like. He would make such a lovely Daddy x

Tina that's great news,how exciting!
Golden ,sorry about your BFN ,but it is early yet.
AF arrived for me yesterday,after my body tricked me by soaring in temperature the day before when of course I poas and got a BFN. Then having followed then conversation about increased likelihood of MC following late implantation I began to panic that if I was pregnant and had a BFN on d13 it was doomed anyway,so I was almost relieved in a strange way when temp dropped yesterday and then AF arrived shortly after. My temp today was the lowest I've ever registered, I needed to check my pulse to make sure I was actually still in the land of the living!
So I'm feeling a bit rubbish. I know it was unrealistic to think I would get pregnant again but my first 4 pregnancies were unplanned and the only times we've actually tried,planned and timed dtd I got pregnant almost straight away (though that led to MC 2 and 3 )so I couldn't help hoping. I sometimes
feel that it's probably never going to happen for me again. However I don't feel like I can give up either. I just hope I can regain some of the peace of mind I had before my losses,I don't think I'll ever feel the same again and this yearning for a baby is so overwhelming.
Sorry, I didn't mean to start wallowing in self pity.
I've got a busy weekend ahead, my DB is over from Ireland, he's running the "Survival of the fittest" race tomorrow with DS who's come home from Uni(with all his dirty laundry!) . I'm working tomorrow and DD2 has a dance exam coming up so there's plenty to do and we'll have some good food,good conversation and just enjoy being together too.
Life goes on and you have to make the most of it!

Wow Tina what amazing news! I am so pleased for you !
Irish sorry for af but it does sound like you have the right mental attitude and there's absolutely no reason in the world to think it won't be your turn again soon. Very cruel temps though!
I am ordering in homemade fish pie for the bistro, follwed by tarte au citroen In reality it's left over cauliflower cheese and half a packet of chco digestives...
Oh and have just completed job application - deadline is mid-night tonight so done in good time as always . Had a heart-stopping moment when my application form couldn't be up-loaded for some bizarre reason, so blindly pressed buttons and it seems to have gone through ok...feel like I've gone through some bizarre trial and now need a start date! Half hope I don't get an interview as academic jobs are a real pain with the prep/presentation you have to go through.
Have been thinking about Italian today; if you are lurking how are you getting on with the adoption process?
Golden hope you;'re ok - will you be testing again tomorrow?
Love to all xxx

Irish, you really sound to me like someone who would honestly rather not be going through this tedious journey to try to conceive. It's obvious that the most compelling urge you have is to find the 'normality of mind' you had before those life-changing miscarriages. But, look...do they have to have altered your state of mind forever? Are you maybe enabling these feelings to continue by actively trying for another baby? What I mean to say is that often I do believe that the ritual of being on ttc threads, and OPKing, and charting and temping, and analysing the minutiae of our cycles (again, mumsnet threads be damned!) and shagging with intention and all the other tortuous tedium we are staging our behaviour around - I think it fuels this 'need', this 'yearning' to prove our bodies wrong. I feel you, in particular, Irish, would be in a much better place without all this going on in your life. It's just a feeling I always have about you when you post. Forgive me if I've managed to invalidate or underestimate your feelings...I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. It's just that, I can't help feeling that it is less about having a baby now for you and more about getting back to the pre-miscarriage you. I do hope you find peace, lovey, and I'm sorry that high temperature tormented you. Much love x

Diege, we crossed posts. I hope you get that job - you're going to need that extra £10k a year, right? Nappies are so expensive, I believe

Erm, will I be testing again tomorrow? Oh, go on then - if you insist!

Please don't all get excited and hopeful but I shan't be ordering from the bistro due to my extreme nausea. I am also too tired even to read what's on the specials board.

Sorry golden but v excited for you... Passes airplane sick bag and ginger nut biscuits ...x

Tina, I just knew you would have good news for us! WooHoo! Twins. I am so bleedin excited for you.

Well, golden, I know what you'd say to me if I tested at 10 dpo and got a bfn...it's way early and there's plenty of time to get a bfp.Nausea and fatigue? You know what I am thinking

Irish, I know exactly how you feel. After my second miscarriage I was absolutely devastated. I felt for sure it couldn't happen to me a second time. I had a scan that said all was well at 8 weeks. Then at 9 weeks, the spotting started and I had a horrible feeling of dejavu. It was so heart-breaking because I really believed that I would have a baby that time. I also understand what you say about gaining peace of mind that you had before the losses. Losing a baby can affect women differently, but for me,it shook me to my very core, I felt that I couldn't trust anything anymore.Nothing was safe,and the yearning for a baby becomes so overwhelming. I felt that nothing could help me feel better except the balm of a baby.

Time does make a difference and it is still so raw for you. It has been 15 months since my second loss and I still feel sad from time to time, but I do feel much better than I did,and the feeling of desperation has lessened somewhat. I still yearn for a baby, and I still want to prove everyone wrong and have a healthy baby at 46. I hope you have a lovely time with your family, and please hang on, there's every reason that you can conceive again. Why shouldn't you? And why shouldn't I? I don't care what the stats say, we can be the exception.((hugs))

Deige, you're all probably asleep by now, so I think I missed the bistro. How about a big juicy steak with a fabulous crunchy green salad with wasabi dressing, a procuitto and mango and pine nut salad all followed by pavlova and chocolate cake covered in malteesas? Actually - that is what we had for dinner at our friend's place last nightMy friend made a salad with this fabulous dressing made from wasabi,olive oil and lemon juice (a Nigella recipe), was very very good. I didn't eat the desserts, but they looked pretty yummy.

Right, best get going - farmer's market and taking 12 year old girls to the thrift shop for party costumes. Also meeting my sister for coffee. She has lost her driver's license which is making life a bit difficult (so maybe she shouldn't have been such a reckless driver

Thanks for the words of encouragement Diege. Good luck with your job application, how soon will you know?

Golden I don't know how I've come across in my posts but my personal feeling is that the reason I'm ttc is simply that I want to have a baby.

Irish, after your curt(ish) response I re-read my post and I sound like a patronising dick. I don't know how it feels to have had three miscarriages and so I should just have kept my gob shut. I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, though; that when I am 44 - and if I have suffered three miscarriages in a row - I would hope someone would talk to me in terms of addressing that need to keep trying and trying and trying. I guess I am attempting to put myself in your shoes in three years' time and I'm not doing a very good job of it. I am sorry.

Still lurking...managed to miss the famous bistro again!!

just wanted to say great news Tina!! Really pleased for you!

I had hopes this month as had horrendous heart burn but AF landed this morning. Decided to keep trying until the end of the year then maybe move on....

Golden, Irish and everyone else - thinking of you. Take care of yourselves. Have a good weekend.

golden, the way you feel right now, at 41, after one miscarriage, hoping for a baby, that's how you'd feel at 44 or in my case, 46, after three miscarriages: you really want to have a baby, don't you?

Why would irish feel any differently? What on earth do you mean by addressing the need to keep trying and trying? Can you honestly say that you have a time limit? That after x number of years and x number of miscarriages you would have the good sense to just stop ttc?

None of this ttc caper is simple, and it is not just a matter of realizing that the odds are against us so we might as well give up. I am sure many,many readers of this thread must think I am certifiable to continue my "quest" for a sixth child at my age, but I don't care, ultimately the reason we are on this thread is to support one another while we are going through the torrid time that is trying to conceive a baby with the odds and often the medical profession against us.

I agree - the feeling of wanting a baby is no different no matter what age you are. I keep hearing stories of people who had babies 46, 47 etc and there is always a chance.

Morning! Late bistro requests are being processed but I'm afraid a cold trolley service might have to suffice. Can't beleive you didn't eat that malteser cake Gum!
I have to admit to being a bit by your post to Irish Golden I think I'd be a bit hurt if that post had been directed to me. As Irish says, she is ttc-ing to have a baby, not because she is addicted to the rituals of ttc-ing and have others have said no-one can question someone else's desires to carry on ttc-ing, especially not when they are on a ttc thread... I sure you meant no harm, but good to see your apology.
Gum your day with the dds sounds great - I am assuming thrift shops = charity shops in the uk? We have lots of fun scouring them here, esp for costumes etc. Also out here for the day with dd3, to cinema, pizza hut, swimming. I try and give them individual 'treat days' as I'm always conscious that I potentially could be not giving enough ind' attention. Older dds have BLackpool 'Pleasure' Beach next weekend...
Hi wylie sorry about af xx

Still lurking.

Fantastic news Tina

Got call from gp asking us to go in. Figured husband's spern test had come up with a problem but no, all tests are ok, mine and his.

So I ovulated last month. But not this month according to my clear blue monitor. SiL due in November which will hurt a bit I think. Don't see them that much though.

DH came out with a great line last week. We'd had a tiny tiff, nothing much but on day 14. When we went to bed he turned to me and said I know it's an important day so if you want to DTD I promise I won't enjoy myself! Bless :)

Raaaa this ttcing is a frustrating business. Its funny how this week of no charting, testing ....sex....anything...not even taken my wellwoman conception tablets (rebel), has been kind of liberating. I know its not too far from my mind though. A friend...albeit much younger than us ladies, posted about her 2nd accidental pregnancy in a year yesterday. I confess to my finger dithering over the DELETE button. My childishness never ceases to amaze me.
Anyway..I'm off to get my nails "gellished" and choose an outfit for tonights night out with the girls. I may even partake in a glass of wine ....or two.
lots of love to all my ttc mateys....xxx

thanks everyone for your kind words! I've posted a few pictures but they've come out really small, not sure if you'll be able to see anything - I've put one on of each twin and one of both of them, although the double one looks a bit strange as one of the twins was standing on its head!

calibee I've deleted a few people on facebook that have become pregnant so don't worry, sounds mean but at the time I really didn't want to hear them gushing about their pregnancies, hope no one does the same to me now lol - I have only told a few people so far as I am going to wait until 3 months have passed just in case! Not sure what my mum will say, we aren't close at all and I only tend to see her at xmas and mothers day, she never calls me, has never visited me in the five years I've been in this house - it would have been nice to have the support especially with two but never mind what you've never had you don't miss!

I dont think my dh's parents will be too chuffed either, they live in France anyway so won't be around - when we told them we were trying for a baby they asked me if my dh had talked me into it!

*golden are you testing again this weekend? Sounds from what you said that your wee might not have been concentrated enough to pick anything up so theres still hope! Crossing everything for you

I'm on my phone so can't do one of Italian's pretty flowery posts - but - CONGRATS TO TINA. AMAZING NEWS!

I cannot agree that we mustn't address giving up ttc on a ttc thread. Maybe I am not the one who should speak, what with 'only' being 41, but at mid-forties - and having suffered recurrent miscarriages - there needs to be the freedom to say that maybe nature is telling us something. How many miscarriages are we willing to see women go through on here without at least suggesting enough is enough? At what age on here do we start to help women address giving up ttc? Or do we wave our pom-poms supportively when AF arrives for the 49 year-old and she is,yet again, dismayed? I don't see what the furore is about in bringing this up. However, I am not prepared to hang around annoying or hurting ladies on this thread and so, for my own sanity (and yours!) I'm going to take a wee break. Not for long..just to get my head together. Everyone is wonderful on here but I think I need to just go away and shut up. Diege, I keep saying 'knowledge is power', but there is no knowledge to be gained from a negative test at 10/11DPO. I will never test this early again. BFN again today but a hike in temp. It's all bullshit.

See you all soon xx

Hi all, been quiet for a while again, so much seems to be happening! Every time I log on it takes me so long to read all the updates, that by the time I get to the most recent one, I'm too tired and overwhelmed (read lazy) to post anything
We're in Switzerland at the moment, visiting my mum for a long weekend, so that she can catch up with being a grannie - she doesn't get to see DS nearly as often as she would like to. Cue him developing his first bout of separation anxiety, he won't give her the time of day at the moment, what a shame!

Tina - excellent news about the twinnies, that is sooo brilliant! But I imagine that must have been a shock when you found out! Very here, I have secretly always wanted twins (but having DS has cured me of that - I think).

Golden - I can only second what the others have said - give yourself time! You've only started on Clomid, plus had the tooth infection, so your body might need a bit of time to adjust... Easier said than done, I know! Time is not what we have in great abundance, I give you that. But you sounds as if you need to relax big time, if you don't mind me saying that. Treat yourself to a massage of something!

Nothing much new at my end, gearing up for ovulation next week... Going to try and spread out dtd a bit more this time, I think, as not to get so exhausted and to avoid another uti. I feel a bit more relaxed at the moment, which I'm hoping is a good thing. I realised how much I needed a break, and even though visiting my mum is far from a holiday (she drives me crazy), it's good to get a change of scenery. My last holiday was in June, ffs! Had words with DH about that, he needs to stop being so work-obsessed. We used to love travelling, and even though it's a bit more difficult now that DS is here, I don't see why we can't go away somewhere nice once in a while.

Oh, and against my better knowledge (and advice from here), I did do a home fertility test... Everything looks fine. Now I'm trying to think about how to get DH doing one... Bit worried he will feel insulted if I suggest it, but I'd much rather know! He's not getting any younger, doesn't excercise at the moment (but still manages to be fitter than me going to the gym 3 times a week, b**rd) and drinks far too much alcohol. Plus, it took us 8 months last time. So how do I go about suggesting he tests without affronting his manhood? He's usually fine with these things, but you never know...

Oh, shit. Mum has just made things very clear to me: I have no business suggesting giving up ttc on this thread. You are right, Gum & Diege. I don't know where my head is. I hope Irish can forgive me.

Golden. I disn't agree with your post but I really didn't see you as wrong to post it if you see what I mean. I often, like every day often, question my motivation. Whether, as I have children, I want a baby now to prove I can.

I don't think that is true. But asking the question of ourselves, no matter what the answer is, has to be valid.

If I were Irish, I would have read your post with a bit of a jolt. But on reflection I would be ok with it. Not speaking for Irish at all. She may see it differently but perhaps the post could be treated as a general point rather than a personal one.

I am mystified by diege and hopeful cause I so loathe Pg and can't wait to know I never have to do it again. And there is no doubt those on the most painful journey here are those trying to conceive their first. If it was me I'd be even more mystified. But some women do enjoy pg and are made for childbearing and Irish and diege and hopeful seem like those incredible women. Golden there's plenty of stuff you bring up that invites a frank challenge. This thread is amazing for the unquestioning support we give each other. In fact I often suspect diege is a sociologist studying it cause it is so remarkable. But there are these really fascinating tensions. Maybe it makes it more real and even more remarkable to have an element of challenge. If we can come thru as friends. What I like about u golden is you are so deeply honest and morally thoughtful even if you do shock us from time to time.