TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

As per critter's wise suggestion, I have an enormous vat of poo juice ready for doling out to twats everywhere. Or maybe throwing in their faces. I bet if that shit (pun intended) got in their eyes it would really sting.

PMS symptoms still completely MIA over in these parts, so like an eejit I did a (slightly early, but I've had +ves by now in previous pregnancies) test this morning and BFN! More fool me for expecting a lifestyle change instadiff when all my woo says leave it at least 3 months, but there you go. Anyway, the absence of PMS is still startlingly positive, and at least I can drink a bit relatively guilt-free tonight - I'm going out on London-town with friends from uni, and it may get a bit... messy. It's reassuring to know I won't be pickling an embie in the process. And I can haul my hungover ass back on the healthful woo train tomorrow morning.

buzzy I'm so, so sorry. It sounds like dark days for you and Mr B. Anything I could think of saying sounds so inadequate, but know that this too shall pass. It really will, eventually.

cosmos tough one on the bestie pregnancy. One of my very closest friends (who knows our situation) just told me she and her husband have started trying for a baby. I don't even want to think about how I'll manage things when the announcement finally (inevitably - everyone gets knocked up before us!) comes. But princesschick's suggestions sound good. I'll bear them in mind, I think.

princess re HSG, I'm due to have one. I got a letter in the post from the local radiology dept with the info on how to book it about a week after we were seen in clinic and told that I'd be referred for one. Basically, I need to ring up on the first day of my period and see if I can be squeezed in during the millisecond in which it's possible to do the test that month. This month I didn't even bother calling up cause I knew I fell outside their required days, but if my period comes in the next couple days as expected I will be trying to go for it in the next month as I think I might be in with a chance. Here's hoping they have a vacancy to coincide with that. (They only do the test ONE MORNING A WEEK. Eh.)

critter how did the work do/public speaking go? Go, you!

euro good one on the acupuncturist recommendation. Here's hoping she helps!

sarlat how are you doing today? Still have everything crossed for you. Bright pink spotting is meant to be a potentially positive sign of implantation, I think (not to fuel any mentalling!), but whomever said the cervix is a tender creature is also right. Regardless, I hope you're having a wonderful weekend.

doll I literally laughed out loud at your last post.

nelly which type of woo are you doing that requires homework? I hope that's not nosy, but I'm quite curious about the ways of the woo. What I've been trying so far seems to be so helpful.

Anyway, it's a perfect sunny, crisp autumnal morning here. Very cheering. I hope the weather at least is cooperating wherever in the world you all are. Big waves to all.

Waves, pets and cakes all round. Especially for buzzy. Hang in there sar. And OMG at the twats in the world, but yay for poo-joice.

Sar - I hope you are holding in there. The waiting is really horrendous and I find I get nervous for everyone on here so I can only imagine what it is like when you are actually going through it. You are doing really well though and I am still feeling really positive for you. Also, fancy having a dream about me?I sound like a hottie !! I'm not sure my layers are lovely but i do have long blonde mousey probably more grey hair. it's very weird how you picture people on here and then when you meet , they don't look anything like how you imagined!

artemis - i'm sorry about what your brother said. Brothers in particular can be the most annoying, insensitive creatures and even when you know what they are like, their comments can really get under the skin and push all the wrong button. Brats. Last week I had a conversation with my brother and admitted we were having problems and things had been difficult yada yada. The following night I had dinner and I said to him in a hypothetical manner obviously, 'if i had kids, i wouldn't want to be a helicopter parent' etc etc and he retorted, 'well you are not a parent and you have to have kids first don't you and by the sounds of it that's not happening soon'. This was 24 hours after we had had a conversation about all of the issues. So Brothers can be complete Twats. I am sorry you don't feel you are coping very well. I must say I do get the odd realisation that I might not be as well.

Princess - very impressed with your thread! And you and nellY are spot on about those people who say you haven't lived until you have screaming kids?Absolute tosh. And I always thought that the only thing that could give me meaning in life would be kids. I have been trying to reevaluate this feeling. Surely we should be able to get meaning out of life without relying on kids and husbands? THe chimp book (which I finally have) says achievement and satisfaction gives us a sense of purpose but it doesn't mention kids giving this to us.

I'm excited that euro and critter are doing some trans atlantic meet up. You'll have to let us know how it all goes.

buzzy - am very sorry you are still feeling like shit. I totally agree with Critter that this isn't the end of the road. The big guns haven't come out yet and I feel very positive after reading on a different thread about a girl who had twins a few weeks ago after the second round of ivf yet she only had a couple of follies on each ovary. I'm not sure that is even the case for you but when things look bad, they might not be as bad as they look iyswim.

cosmos - sorry about the pregnancy announcement. I tend to back off with pregnant friends as well. The ones I really like and are sensitive towards me, I will always try and make an effort to see a few times during their pregnancy. Does your friend know what you have been going through? What I find very sad with friend's pregnancies is how the friendship does change especially once the baby is born. In many ways, I think that has to be an acceptance on our part. I don't know about you but i am fine one on one but put a friend +baby together with another person + baby and it is enough to plunge me in to a dark hole. I think it's all about managing when and where you see them and if they do say something that is upsetting, you need to let them know. [although i'm yet to actually say how i really feel when a friend comes out with a clanger]. I do try and say to myself that one day it will by turn and cosmos, it will be yours one day too.
And at your public speaking talents - they sound better than mine!. I had to speak to 100 people this year in my first speech ever and I nearly fainted and threw up, I ended up going to the side of the room and sitting on a chair and reading my speech from there. My legs couldn't hold me up, it was the most awful, embarrassing moment of my life. Never again!

rum - sorry about the bfn. What day are you on?

How are you feeling today sar? Spotting could well be a good sign, I think it's hard too read much into anything.

Art and Joy Grr to your brothers and their insensitive comments. I think people can be say stuff that is so stupid sometimes, it's hard but it's best to ignore and not take to heart. My family all have children and I'm very much the odd one out, they often say things like " if you had children you'd understand" or they make comments about how easy my life is because I don't have kids. I think people with kids can be jealous too, and they make snide comments to make themselves feel better. I do feel a little bit smug when I read FB statuses about sleepless night and early mornings. I savour my long lie ins.

cosmos I back away from pregnant friends so I don't really have advice. I find backing off is quite easily done. Most friends haven't announced it until they got to 12 weeks so then there was only 6 months in which to avoid them. It's not so bad once the baby is born but for self preservation I found it's best to avoid bumps because pregnant women have a one track mind and only really talk about pregnancies and babies. It is inevitable though, even without the backing off, that relationships change once babies are on the scene. My friends have different priorities now and I do find that we have less in common. Also, if I'm being honest I find conversations with them quite boring now when all they talk about is babies.

gin when do you start ivf? We have our meeting at the clinic on the 1st Oct, I'm hoping after that we'll know when we're starting. It sounds like there will be lots of us on this thread going through it before Christmas.

I'm being bombarded on FB with pictures of Robbie Williams and his baby. Why does everyone want to like that photo?

I wish I could come to the meet up. I feel like you ladies are the only ones that understand.

Sorry for the daft brother and daft family comments. I am really quite shocked by all this. I have had the odd, rare comment put my way about babies but mostly from people that don't know me. I am very sad that so many people here can't get the solace they need from their own families. or don't feel they can talk to their families about ttc for fear of stressing them, or judgement or for fear of being gossiped about. I think part of the reason that I came to terms with IVF so quickly is due to my family and DH of course.

I might bring my mum and sisters down with me to London and share them out with you all. . I actually told my mum a few weeks a go that many people in the long term TTC position don't have any genuine support or interest from their families. She nearly cried and couldn't understand how it was possible to get through all of this on your own. So just think how brave and strong many of you are who are battling for success and peace of mind without the support of mums, dads, siblings or even partners sometimes. The only good that can come from all this is that when YOU LOT become mums, your children are going to feel 100% secure, loved and unjudged because you know how it feels to have that pain inflicted so callously.

Thank you for all the good luck vibes, checks and hand holding to EVERYONE. . I really am very touched and can't believe how many people care about my situation. I am one lucky girl! Today I am up and down but mostly up. Had some good giggles to distract me and - the truth is, I can't change the outcome, I know I have tried my best. I am mentalling for symptoms but I guess I have to stop comparing eveything with my last pregnancy. That pregnancy wasn't to be anyway and it's time to let go of its memory in that way.

Buzz - extra special hand holding to you. I can literally feel the despair coming out of you. It must feel like all doors keep getting slamed in your face. But people here have said many wise things about your situation which is far from over - there is still IVF to try, when you find the right clinic for you. I too was told I was in ovarian failiure. It's horrible - but the Dr's don't know everything as we later found out. Logically speaking, you HAVE been pregnant so I can't imagine that your eggs are too bad at all, even if ovulation isn't happening every month. Sorry, I can't say anything to take the pain away. The only other suggestion I have is looking for a new job - sometimes a change of scene helps. I'm sure you have many transferable skills. You could stay in the NHS to protect your benefits but look at other roles? - anyway just a thought. In effect that is what I'm doing, (thanks to Joyce's wise words) I applied for a new job and now waiting to see if I have an interview. The timming isn't great (emotionally speaking) but I am trying to see myself as valid in other ways too. . Take care and keep talking. x

On that note, Joyce, how is you career development / change going?

sar I hope you are holding out, we do have IVF but only one shot at it, that is all we can afford so that is what worries me, should I or shouldn't I use DE?? If I need time off it will be unpaid so obviously I'm going to have to back to work asap. The palce overseas says to have Karyotype testing and AMH, the thought of those tests just scare the fuck out of me, I really don't want to know the results. Overseas isn't looking that much cheaper now I have to take unpaid leave into account.

I had another sobbing fit last night and feel really stressed about it, still at least I'm getting thinner from it all

sorry for not name checking :(

So being blindingly hungover is definitely a good time to be childfree.

oh buzzy. Offers , ,

joy I'm about 13 DPO.

rum at the hangover! I really wanted to get wasted last night, but as I'm in the pre-period days, I just ended up feeling sick and bloated from the booze, so had to give up! Well done you though.

So sorry you're having such a shit time buzzy. I am sure your GP could sign you off, so it wouldn't be upaid leave. It makes me so cross that workplaces see this as something akin to cosmetic surgery and try to make you take it in your own time. My boss it great, so when we did the cycle, I had 1 week as sick leave and then took a few days leave. I put "gynae surgery" on the sick form, as the idea of HR knowing (and gossiping) about my business makes me feel sick!

mrsd I'm sad you can't make the meet up! It was lovely to meet you last time and it was interesting to talk to someone how has the same kind of infertility as we do. I hope that you're now out of the tent of doom. We're starting the IVF towards the end of October, whenever my period decides to turn up, so EC will be some time in early Nov.

joy and artemis I can't believe your brothers have said/written such twatty things. My brother knows what we're going through and sent some nice texts during the last cycle, but doesn't mention it to my face! Most other people seem to know we're not voluntarily childless, although I still get the you're so lucky you can have lie ins etc type bullshit from some mum friends. I don't think they get that they're making me feel worse and someone else said up Fred, I think there is some jealousy there. I do like flaunting my nice mostly primark wardrobe though :)

sar I'm so sorry I mentioned bleeding after ET. I really, really didn't mean to make you feel worse! What I was trying to say was that some people have a fair bit of bleeding immediately due to rough transfers and still go on to get pregnant. Your tiny bit of blood 48 hrs later sounds more like implantation to me....I soooo hope it was! When do you test? I hope you've managed to have an ok weekend.

critter hope you are doing ok and your follies are growing.

artemis Mr Gin too in the past has proudly reported how he's comforted work colleagues, offered them advice etc, yet I really get this from him, especially the advice! I guess they just have different relationships with us and feel that at work they have to be on best behaviour. Hope you are feeling a bit better

Posts about smug twat parents made me laugh, as did princess' about the men and tits. I'm still cross when I think of those men on that Fred, telling women how we should feel and think.

Waves to those I've missed (on past pages) and chilled sunday morning luffs to all. I'd better get on and get dressed I guess....I've been inspired by the Bake Off and am going to try to make some scones today. Who needs a healthy pre ivf diet?!

Special thoughts to buzzy and I'll be thinking of you too sar I'm away from home as of tomorrow, for just over a week. Meeting up with family in a place where the Internet connection is "iffy" (mother's words) although she has emailed me 6 times in the past 48 hours so I'm not sure how iffy it can really be waves to all. X

Just popping in to give buzzy the most enormous hug and one of my amazing muffins. I am sorry life is this bad at the moment for you. I am keeping stuff crossed for you feeling better first and then for considered decisions re: IVF. It is all so difficult and SHIT.

Have a good time at the parents doll. I like iffy internet that allows that number of emails, I think we'll see you here in the next few days!

Well done on scones gin, all diets go out of the window here too. I am too tired to exercise today, and I think I might just not do anything. (Although a run-walk might do me good, hmm, keep thinking about that, it might just happen ).

Rum 13 dpo?! I would be testing by tomorrow, but then I have a very reliable 13 day luteal phase.

Shock and horror at the twatty brothers. Mine have actually been brilliant. Both understanding and sad. And lovely. One of them spent last weekend (just after I told him I was miscarrying) popping in to our flat with a hilarious variety of tasty and particularly unhealthy foods. He is wonderful. I don't talk to them so much, but they do seem to understand.

Right waves and gentle tail-shake, also at lurkers pout I am talking to you

And a quick extra-strong squeeze for sarlat. I saw your post in the assisted reproduction thread (which I dip in and out of, depending on mood etc, if any of you reads this, waves and good luck). Just to let you know I had NO symptoms whatsoever for my BFP, and it was a good level of hcg at the time, so it really is not necessary to feel anything. The big clue is the absence of presence of AF. I am keeping everything crossed for you, you totally deserve your BFP and an ongoing pg afterwards. Holds out hands and offers my no longer tender boobs for comforting if need be.

Hello all

Well I've just spent a lovely morning with the gorgeous euro checking out the monuments in DC. What a delight to meet one of you in the flesh! We had brunch together and then walked around in the sunshine. It was awesome.

nelly Jamie O custard tarts eh? I'll have to google the recipe.

Thanks princess and cosmos for the good wishes on the public speaking, it went actually really well... I was moderating a panel and the speakers were all absolutely brilliant, so I actually didn't have to do too much work. And I'm much happier now it's done and dusted. It's a huge weight off my shoulders, sometimes when I have to speak in public I get so nervous that I shake, but that didn't happen this time.

Huge love to buzzy - I am so sorry you're having such a rough time.

sar I am crossing my fingers for you but I feel really positive about this for you and your frosty. Hang in there.

rum it's not over til the fat lady sings/AF arrives. I hope your BFN was just too early.

doll I hope you are going somewhere nice!

lemon thinking of you and glad your brother is being lovely.

gin I would like one of your scones - sounds like a blissful way to spend the day!

mrsd how are you doing?

joy I'm thinking of you. For what it's worth I think you're coping brilliantly, it's just a lot to cope with, iyswim.

Tail feather shakes to all.

Sneaky work post. Cheer on for sar big squeeze for buzzy and love to lemon

Woot for USA meet up critter and euro!

Just about to do lecture to the masses

Speak properly later. Currently stressing about another imminent hard boiled egg

sar - your family sound truly lovely and it?s very heartening to know you have a good support network with you. Any news at all? Any positive feelings?

buzz - how are you feeling ?

lemon - i hope you are coping ok.

critter & euro - woohoo to your meet up in the States. That?s amazing!

Rant from me. MiL rang up MrJoy a few weeks ago and said she was in town and wanted to drop something off in our flat. Fine, she has a key. Why she wanted to drop off some revolting stale biscuits is anyone?s guess but hey ho. We just spent w/e with MiL. She took MrjOy to one side and asked what we weren?t telling her and that she happened to come across all our pills and she asked what they were for. So our pills are our antibiotics for my hidden C which we will start taking after my op ? there are a lot of them. ?happened to come across these pills? - These antibs are wrapped in two plastic bags down by the sofa in the sitting room. There was no reason for her to go in that room anyway but they weren?t in view and she would have actually had to have upwrapped the bags to have had look inside. FFS !! If you go snooping in someone?s house you don?t then admit to it. I?m so embarrassed that she found them but furious that she went snooping through the house. No doubt she went through all my notes in my folder which was sitting on the table as well. It?s not good for stress levels. Last night I had to play Jon Kabat-zinn to Mrjoy at full volume so we could calm ourselves down.

Morning all,

Well it's a tres busy week here with lots of random non TTC things going on. Not least moving out properly on Thursday and handing over the keys on Friday. This has been going on so long! Much to do so I'll be quick!

joy that's outrageous! I wouldn't talk to my mum or MIL for a long time if they did that to me. I would also insist on having the key back if she can't be trusted not to snoop. You poor thing.

Sar still sending positive vibes. Hope you are getting on ok and you have had a nice weekend. Your mum and sisters sound really lovely :)

Euro and Critter very impressed with the foreign meet up! It sounded lovely.

Rabbit sorry you feel that your egg is overcooked again. I'm sure it's not. Just your cycles readjusting. Big hugs.

Buzzy big squeezy hugs for you. I second someone who said to get signed off by a doctor so you don't have to take unpaid leave.

Lemon your family sounds lovely too. Hope you are ok and had a nice weekend.

Sorry not to name check everyone. Must dash! Thinking of you all. Big waves and hope it's the start of a positive week. xxx

Rum - love the poo juice fighting talk . Sorry for the BFN, but yay for drinks in London town. Any updates on your 2ww?

Mrs Den - we will try to make sure you can come to the next meet up. Are you a northener or southener?

Buzzy - sorry for the weight loss and general crapness. I wonder if using your own eggs is still the way forwards? I guess you need to be at peace with this before moving to DE. You need to feel 100% certain that your own eggs aren't going to achieve a pregnancy first and any clinic you chose should be prepared to show you the rational for this. I understand the fear about AMH etc. Have you ever had a baseline antral follicle count? But I understand your dilema having one chance with IVF due to finances. Big hugs.

Gin - scones - mmmm. With jam and cream? Don't worry love, you didn't make me feel worse about bleeding post transfer. I have been mentalling far too much. You are right, bleeding with trasnfer in itself isn't anthing to worry about. I will remember that.

Lemon - your brothers sound fab! Thank you for your advice about no symptoms and all your kind words. You are a very special lady.

Critter and Euro - hitting the town stateside. I love it. Isn't it amazing that you two have met under these circumstances!

Rabbit - hooray for rabbit lectures, I bet they are ace. Why the worry over hard boiled eggs?

Joy - I am agog at your MIL. Who does she think she is snooping on you like that? If she wants to be involved and support you and DH she needs to earn your trust, be kind and be genuine. Gah - I hope your DH is going to have words. Maybe say it as it is - that times are difficult but if she wants to help out she needs to be kind and giving which may lead to you discussing these issues with her. So sorry for you.

Artemis - how are you feeling?

Hello to everyone else and thanks for the ongoing support.

Well, I have developed a heavy, nasty cold complete with a nice set of mouth ulcers. I don't think these are related to the 2ww am I / aren't I situation. It's just a bit of bad luck and maybe triggered by all the mentalling. Other than that, the night before last I had some low down cramps - I think. You see, I'm not even sure because I was half asleep and could have been dreaming. Yesterday I had occasional and mild groin pains / cramps. And that's about it. Still inconclusive. Ah well, not long now. Thanks again for all the support from you ladies.

Grrr small rant... Called consultant's secretary about the HSG. The form has been filled in, but as it "doesn't appear that you have had a chlamydia test in the past 3 months, we can't refer you. Didn't the doctor tell you about this" NO he bloody didn't! How can they be so incompetent! So I'm off for a swabbing this afternoon because my GP doesn't provide self testing kits yet. FFS!

Sarlat - isnt a cold good news when it comes to implanting?? Sorry I hate adding to what is a horrible wait but it sort of suggests you don't have high Nk cells as your body is unable to fight a cold. Everyone in my office has a cold again and I can't catch a thing- 7years now since I had one! Anyway I am praying for you - yes have taken to having a few words with the man upstairs.
Yes - am seeing red about MiL because she will be talking to her friends about it. Mrjoy gave her a talking too.

Princess - Grrr , never heard of having a chlamydia test before hsg. Poor you. Good idea - am going to Get that key back!

Joy, I'd be so mad if my mil admitted to snooping. I'm sure she did have. Good old snoop when she visited here but she's bright enough not to admit to it! Did she know what they were for? What did your dh say to her?

Sarlat, your mum sounds lovely. Do you think she might want to adopt me? My family are wonderful in many ways. But they have no experience of infertility and my mum is a bit overly dramatic and would be overbearing in her concern so I've chosen not to tell her. She also has a problem with keeping anything to herself and telling her would be like taking out an announcement in the times. My parents also have their own health problems And I don't want them to worry about me which I know they would.

I'm a northerner At heart, bit I have family in the south so I was able to make the last London meet up. Unfortunately I'm living abroad so I can't make this one, hopefully another one might coincide with a trip back to the uk. How amazing that critter and euro met up stateside. How jet setting are we?

Talking about being abroad, I'm having a day when I feel so English and like a fish out of water. Mostly I'm well integrated but every now and again I have a wobble day when I wish I was back in the uk. It's funny how homesickness comes and goes. Buzzy - one thing to consider if you do have treatment abroad is the difference in culture which can be very obvious in medical situations. For example, here they expect you to undress in front of the dr, there are no sheets for giving you a little bit of dignity, no curtains to undress behind etc. that's A little example but there are lots of others and I sometimes find it makes the whole experience even more overwhelming. There is also no beating about the bush, no smal talk from the dr. Instead it's all "you're sub fertile, you need icsi."

Princess, grrr about the chlamydia test.

We're still waiting for the genetic tests. I cannot believe how long it takes, are they sequencing the whole genome?

mrsd that's awful that they don't give you more privacy while you're getting undressed etc. In the clinic I go to here, they actually turn the overhead light off and use a small lamp (as well as giving you a paper sheet thing) when they are doing a scan. Sometimes the Puritan legacy here in the States is a good thing! I remember getting shouted at once in Switzerland for wearing a swimsuit in a steam room. I suppose they have a different attitude to nudity. I am sorry that you can't share your troubles with your mother. That is hard. My parents have been great, probably because they had a long and sad road to travel before having me and my sister, but MrC's dad often says things like 'ooh, it's not natural, you shouldn't mess with Mother Nature' when we talk to them about my injections etc. I told him that Mother Nature wasn't giving me a baby and them a grandchild.

joy and about your MIL. Argh. I would be furious. It's totally outrageous. I hope your DH is giving her a proper talking to - maybe he could tell her that this sort of behaviour is why you don't feel able to share with her! So sorry.

sar hope your 2ww is going ok. I am thinking of you a lot. I so hope that this round is the magic one. Make sure you are taking it easy. And I'm glad you have a supportive family.

rabbit I am confused about the hard-boiled egg.... hope you're ok and not too crazily busy with work.

princess how annoying about the test. What a shambles. I hope you get it sorted without too much stress.

Had my umpteenth scan again today - lining is looking better and there are a couple of small follicles that look like they are making a break for freedom from the rest. The nurse said she'd call this afternoon to let me know when to come in next.

joy at your MIL !!! That is totally out of line, my mil doesn't notice things, she didn't notice the kitchen until her 3rd visit I don't bother hiding my plastic pee pot and sticks in the loo.
I hate throw cold water at your nk cell theory but I have high nk cells and don't get colds bet I get one now that I've said that

princess I'd be at that too, they should know and have told you. Its not that I can't take the time off as sick leave my GP would sign me off, its just that it would then be on my occ health record as time off and it doesn't look good if you are looking for another job with alot of sick leave so I'm a bit stuck,

sar weight loss is good when you have an ass the size of mine I just know that when I'm off my food it means I'm really stressed and not coping. How are you holding up?? I second being adopted by your mum, I'm totally house trained, can't say the same for Charlie though my mum is a right cowbag

rabbit hope the lecture went well, I am a little confused about the boiled egg, are you having a longer cycle??

mrsd Thanks for the heads up on the foreign etiquette, as a foreigner here in the UK I know what you mean about longing for home comforts and getting used to their way of doing things. 16 years here in the UK and there are still things I can't get my head around :), I'm not too bothered about stripping in public god only knows why as I don't have a models figure but I have always keen keen on skinny dipping

critter well that s good news run follie run hopefully they'll keep going if not you know next cycle they'll get it right for you but it sounds promising for this cycle too, sorry about FIL's comment, I should be grateful that mine is foreign and insular
You'll be very proud of me, I went and saw the GP and I got most of the blood test forms I'll need for me and Mr B, she is worth keeping in mind when/if my GP is not available, she basically went through all the tests on screen and said have you had this have you had that, I need 13 tests now, they'll bleed me dry, Mr B has to have 5

gin thank you for answering my never ending questions

Well I feel calmer today its the constant mood swings and the absence of hormonal drugs that worries me, my moods are everywhere. I have been busy over the weekend and have done alot of thinking.
We had a meeting on Friday which was shit but might offer me a break from my current work situation so I have set the wheels in motion today, still working in the same team but in a bed based area and not out in the community, hopefully less stress and for about 6 months, subject to boss saying yes.
Have called Create and booked for a consultation on the 11th but really I'd like to change it to after my free visit, although I forgot to ask how long the wait list is I'm hoping they will say the end of October, which would make me cycle buddies with gin, still trying to get info on the place in Prague.

thank you ladies for all your support

Evening all

Akuaba thank you for making me laugh with your comments on the endless twattery people are capable of. Occasionally my life feels like one big twat fest so it's reassuring to know it's the same for other people - and that the twats won't disappear if/when I have a child. Hope your week away goes well and that you manage to catch the fleeting internet connection as well as your mum did so you can bring us more of your wisdom :)

Princess hurrah for the house move! I think... is this the move to the PILs? How long for? I am liking your feminist and philosophical thinking; i think it's definitely a good idea to occupy your brain with ideas especially if your job involves boring exams . Re the HSG: where I am you can't book ahead. You ring on day 1 of your period and they tell you there are no appointments available, sorry, try again next month check the consultant's diary and ring you back. I should have rung today but forgot my bloody phone this morning. I never, ever forget my phone. I was working with a new client all day and didn't feel I could ask to borrow a phone in their open-plan office to make a personal call in which I would have to recite my personal details to prove my identity (does anyone seriously try to book an HSG for fun?), discuss my menstrual cycle and then have an argument with a receptionist about the stupidity of their regulations . Re chlamydia, I had to be tested beforehand. I had the swabs done by my GP ages ago but the hospital made me have a blood test to check for chlamydia antibodies as well. It might be worth checking whether the swabs are enough or if they need the blood test. The swabs only test for live infection; the bloods tell them if you have had infection in the past which I'm sure you know can affect the state of your tubes.

Euro and Critter hurrah for the stateside meetup! Critter I'm in awe of your public speaking skills. I did a lot of debating at school and it didn't bother me when I was younger but now I just turn to jelly. I am cheering your follies on, it sounds promising. Euro I daresay you've tried coal tar shampoo for dry scalp? I get occasional eczema and it always sorts it out. Cheaper than acu too :)

Nelly, Ten, other people's smugness gets to me too. The "you've no idea" and "It's OK for you, you don't have children" lines make me want to scream. But as a few lovely people pointed out, that kind of reaction probably does stem from dissatisfaction and envy. My brother for example lives a life ruled by his wife and children and maybe has to convince himself his way of life is the right one . One day the kids will leave home & he'll have to realise he's married to a woman who doesn't love him, has no interests, has few friends outside of business and does nothing for himself apart from work. Interestingly though Mr A was adamant that my brother's fb message was not something to get upset about; he read it completely differently to me and thought I was overreacting like I would do that ever so we've agreed to disagree about that.

Joycep huge sympathy on the brother front. Yours might actually be more tactless than mine. and at your MIL. That's a massive invasion of privacy and I'm glad your DH has had words.

Rum I did at the poo juice. I may just start spraying that at people who annoy me. Hope the hangover subsided

Buzzy huge hugs. 13 tests sounds like a lot, hope they don't need much blood! Sick leave is such a dilemma as well, you're right about not wanting sick leave on your record but it still doesn't seem fair. The financial worries just add to what is already a dreadfully stressful situation. I've been agonising over that this week. I need a new car as mine is 10 years old and expensive things are starting to go wrong with it, but that will have to wait, as will a holiday next year, I shall be pumping myself full of hormones instead . It will be worth it when we get our babies though. Promise

Sar how are you feeling? Fingers crossed for an interview for a new job! I'm impressed that you're taking positive steps at such a stressful time. I'm looking forward to the meet too. I know what you mean about a safe space. I was going to congratulate Critter last week on Mr C's excellent SA result and then realised I was about to write a public message to a complete stranger complimenting her husband's sperm

Lemon you're sounding a bit brighter, I hope that's a real feeling-brighter in real life as well as on here.

Mrsden those test results are taking ages, do you know how long you have to wait? The GP protocol there doesn't sound designed to protect your dignity. When I've lived overseas I felt the big differences were easy to cope with, it's the smaller unexpected ones that can floor you.

Rabbit any news on your hard boiled egg? Are you ovulating later than you expected?

Thank you for all your positive messages over the last few days. I'm feeling better, partly due to ERTD's arrival over the weekend so I'm not so hormonally bad tempered. Also had a few conversations with Mr A over the weekend and sorted a few things out. We talked about how stressed we both are - we are both stoics it seems, so had not realised how bad we each were feeling. His stress is around feeling helpless and that he is not 'delivering the goods' which comes from us being unexplained. He is also stressed about the effect this is having on our relationship. We've agreed to stop 'trying', try to get our spontaneous fun sex life back rather than the enforced every-other-day routine, and talk more about how we feel. I'll see how that goes . The lifestyle changes might be harder to achieve. I might have to accept Mr A is not going to spend the next 3 months teetotal, though I am going to ask the consultant about alcohol specifically the next month to find out how much of an issue it really is. Mr A might listen if the consultant bans it rather than it just being me nagging. I feel like the fun police. I've done just over a week free of caffeine and booze and was hoping to feel amazing but i don't, and having tackled the M62 this evening I really really want a glass of wine and my chimp would probably neck the whole bottle given half the chance

Loves to all. I'm off to make some delicious mint tea, cling to the radiator and cuddle the fur baby

Hello. Has it been quiet here today?

buzzy glad you sound a bit happier. I think after all those druggy shenanigans it's no surprise your hormones are up and down and figuring themselves out again. Work sounds promising.

critter god the mother nature thing is irritating, sorry. Mother nature is currently in my bad books!

joyce wow! That is major privacy invasion - how very dare she! And the bare facedness to confess! She would make a rubbish criminal. Do you think she rumbled you ages ago and was actively looking for info?

princess my cons wanted a chlamydia test before the HSG and I'd had one and had to do another. But they did tell me in good time. It's all like a very slow and tedious machine.

mrsden sorry you are stuck in the machine, god it's taken you ages. When I look back one day on this period, he waiting to find out about my fucker non fibroid is the most disempowered ive ever felt in my life. I hoe they sort it out soon.

Let me tell you about my hard boiled egg and I need comments. So, before the op my cycles were as thus. 27-29 days with one or two 31 day cycles in over a year. I ovd cd14 when I had left ov pains and 15-17 from my lazier right side. It was easy to tell, ovary pains on that side at cd7 ish (curious) ewcm either cd10 from left, cd13 right. Like clockwork really. Since the op: 23, 23, 29, 35 and ov cd6-19. I'm cd13, no hint of ewcm, same as last month and lots of spotting after period, same as last month. So I'm guessing another late ov. But I read everywhere this is bad and means poor ovulation and non optimal egg. I'm fucked off really. I thought the op was meant to fix stuff, not mess it up more. And since clomid the devils juice looms near, I wanted proper cycles. Not that proper cycles have helped me. I wish Argos did genetically matched babies. I'd queue with patience.

cosmos yes. I like football. It isn't something you'd know if you knew me. I keep it mostly undisclosed. I have escaped Saturday lectures for 4 years due to 'family commitments' But, after 14 months with you lot, thought Id fess up. It's a family thing you see. I was born into it - you don't get to not love it and not go - its rabbit religion! Also, ninety minutes of fit bums and legs can't fail to make me gleeful. Mr rabbit HATES it. I read sport, he reads business, I grumble if match of the day isn't on. It is entirely incongruent with the rest of me. Watching my team score a goal in crucial times is on the same league as orgasms. Dont tell mr r! I will never discuss this again!

sarlat the days are passing. I hear a cold is a very good thing. I can't begin to imagine how hard hard this tww is. Keep on keeping on. I read that on another thread and have adopted it for myself. To all lurkers on this thread, don't feel bad, I read almost all long term ttc threads and 'know' most of you. I'm not ashamed!

I'm off to watch nigella, in my scotch egg world. Loves to all of you. And pout

artemis cross post. I'm glad you talked with mr a. It's hard to take the brakes off but I've felt much better for realising - properly realising - that ov sticks and every other day shagging haven't got me pregnant. I'm still ov sticking! But I do feel I've taken the pressure off us far more than in the beginning. It feels better. I still dont want to take clomid or have ivf. But I kind of mostly think its inevitable? I've cried a lot less at any rate. Try not to worry about the booze too much. I drink 6-8 units a week. Which is a pitiful fart of what I used to drink back in the old days! Half a bottle of wine on weeknights and more at weekends with cocktails and whisky was norm. Booze free days did not exist. I've tried booze free, I don't feel über zen and vital so I think no, I will have my 3-4 glasses a week and I will savour them. All of my instadiff friends have drunk my old ways and a bit more. It's horrible that alcohol is not natures clomid.

artemis that's the thing though, I don't feel like we are complete strangers! I mean, I know we are - but it was funny how comfortable it was hanging out with euro yesterday even though we had never met before. Well done for being booze free and caffeine free for a whole week, it isn't easy. Does alcohol make a big difference to SA? I know heat is bad. I am so glad that you talked to MrA, I thought you might both be stoics - it's so much better when things are out in the open.

Side note - there is an ad appearing on my screen for a terrifying-looking "pelvic toner - vaginal exerciser - Exclusive Mumsnet offer, just 24.99". Snicker, there is one reason to be glad I don't have kids yet!

rabbit I have no idea about the hard-boiled egg - but I used to have 7 week cycles. Isn't a CD13 or 14 ov fairly normal? Perhaps it's just an iffy cycle? Or maybe it's a good thing, if you were having earlier ovulation before and didn't get preg? I don't know, I wish I did, sorry - none of that is helpful at all. I will stop wittering as I clearly don't know what I'm talking about. Glad it's not just me who finds the Mother Nature remarks supremely irritating - MrC thinks I'm being slightly unreasonable to get so annoyed when his dad says stuff like that.

buzzy well done you for seeing the other GP and getting all your blood tests sorted - that is great progress. One more step towards your baby. Brilliant that you've booked to see Create too - I think euro mentioned that she might be going on the 13th, so if you go twice, maybe you'll see each other there. You are doing fantastically, and should be really proud of how you've set all these things up and are taking all these steps forward.