TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

How do you feel about the move doll? I'm impressed you're in the middle of ivf and getting ready to move countries. My dr said that some people get no signs that anything is happening and then get a big surprise when they have the scan, I think people just react differently to the drugs.

Have a lovely holiday lemon, are you going somewhere hot and exotic? I'll still be here when you get back. I'm loving the good news on this thread, but I do worry that I'll be left to turn out the lights.

The pregnant blog friend has now taken to posting bump photos on fb. I'm going to hide her. I've noticed that no one is bothering to comment on her photos anymore, or even like them so I think everyone must be bored. When she's not pregnant she's lovely. I think she's just super excited and thinks everyone else must be too.

Has anyone got exciting plans for Xmas? Family keep asking us what were doing and I'm trying to avoid having to answer because the truth is we will hopefully be in the middle of ivf so not able to travel. I think I might say we can't get the time off work. It's going to be a fairly crap time though, just the two of us and a syringe.

mrsd maybe you can spice up the injections - light some candles, listen to some tunes

Gin you are an egg producing machine! My friend ended up waddling when she was nearing egg collection.

mellow I used to subscribe to the Economist so I know what you mean. It's really well written but I could never keep up! It just became something else I had to do so I cancelled it in the end.

Doll wow, Iran would be exciting.

drizz where are you off to on hols? We have a winter sun break booked for a few weeks' time and I cannot wait!

mrsd I think a couply Xmas could be really nice.

hi everyone

It's been a busy few days, just catching up. First off, congratulations Heart on the heartbeat! Must have been a relief, though I hope the bleeding's stopped - even though it's normal in early pregnancy, it must be worrying. Fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

Gin I'm shocked Dave can't get the day off work for your EC appointment... sure the eggs will be OK but that's not great of them. Do they know why he needs the day off? Well done on all the follies. You are an egg machine. I'm upping my chocolate milkshake intake on the basis that that must be the important factor

Critter Mr A is pretty good in the kitchen. At the cooking, anyway. I'm not a great cook, but I have masses of experience in washing up... I'm glad you had some time with your dad, it sounds lovely to be able to talk to him about it and great that he's so understanding.

Mrsden at the pregnancy blog. I've had to avoid fb for a few days as it's been full of photos of people's cute kids and babies in their halloween outfits. We made sure we were out on halloween having realised the only chocolates we had in the house were Thorntons or Hotel Chocolat and the devil himself would need to be at the door to make me give those up

Joycep hope you're healing and the soreness and itching has subsided.

Rabbit lovely to see you pop out of the hole for a scamper, do pop back and tell us how you are

Mrsmellow really interested in your immunology stuff, thanks for the expertise. I agree there should be a lot more research on the causes of infertility. I suspect there isn't because all the consultants are making a fortune on the IVF gravy train, as are the associated alternative therapists and woo merchants. I don't know how clinical trials get organised but there's clearly no money in the nhs and if the will isn't there in the private sector i guess there is no motivation for it.

Euro well done for managing newborn cuddles. I generally refuse point blank as I don't trust my reactions. People therefore think I'm an evil unmaternal harridan but I'd rather that than end up trying to climb out of the bathroom window with someone else's child Though as Critter says, screaming and a bit of milky sick would cure me pretty fast

Lovely to see you Princess. The sickness sounds rubbish but as someone said upthread, all in a good cause... hopefully it will subside soon and you can start to 'bloom', or whatever it is pregnant women are supposed to do

Nelly I haven't heard of EEVA - but time lapse photography for embryos? Is that so you can create an animation to put on facebook? Hope wedding planning is still going well.

akuaba hope your boys are feeling better by now and the germs leave you alone. A stick to bite on and maybe a bottle of rum beforehand... I could go for the rum. Tehran sounds interesting... do you have any other choices? how long before you'd move, and how long would you be living there for? Sorry, this is sounding like an interrogation . Though I dare say a bond girl can handle questioning!

Hurrah for the holiday Lemon! Glad you are still sounding perky.

Christmas Mrsden, haven't given it any thought despite my mum's heavy hints. We don't usually do much. We are both atheists who hate shopping so it doesn't have a great deal of meaning in our house. Apart from practising family avoidance tactics and drinking slightly posher booze it doesn't vary much from a normal day. We hope for good weather and try to get out walking. Though if anyone tells me this year that 'Christmas only matters if you have kids' I'll punch them.

I had another scan this morning and am finally allowed to start stimming this evening. Hurrah. Been feeling pretty rough this week, the brain fog has rendered me useless, and had a comically light AF that dragged on for 10 whole days, which wasn't much fun . The nurse said apparently the stims do that to some people. I don't have a pen for the gonal f, just a normal syringe, so the injections are the same as the ones I've already been doing. I've got a rather fetching collection of puncture wounds and a few small bruises on my stomach. Don't know how i've managed to cause bruising, though randomly I have found the injections are more painful on the left side than the right . So scans on Weds and Friday next week, then EC/ET probably the week after. It's so easy to say...

I've been on a sugar high this morning. Hot chocolate and pastries for breakfast are definitely the way forward. I may add cheesecake for its protein content. Almost makes up for not being allowed caffeine. I may be waddling too before long, through my special IVF diet rather than anything to do with the drugs . Anyway I've cheered myself up today by buying a car . I needed to change mine so had been planning to do it, but I was surprisingly decisive and did some bartering while Mr A looked on in awe (it might have been fear). Hoping it wasn't a rash purchase born of sugar rush and hormone deprivation... I'll find out when I pick it up next week

Waves to buzzy, sarlat, rabbit, freedom, cosmos, Pout in case you're lurking, anyone else I've missed. Hurrah for Friday

I've just gotten home from collecting the gonal F (pen, no needle and syringe here luckily) and sobbed the whole way home. I feel such a failure.
I can't get a hold of myself. Part of it is the hormonal plummet I get with AF, but I just can't believe I'm here. And I know I'm not the first woman to do this (thank goodness for you guys) but I just really didn't believe it would come to this.

Anyway, this is where we are. And my car broke down on the road outside our house, so I've abandoned it in a very dodgy parked position. It felt very symbolic I've just eaten half a packet of percy pigs (hidden at the back of the cupboard for just this kind of occasion!). And artemis your post cheered me up no end for no particular reason - I guess I'll be just a few days behind you and doll and gin Quite the run of IVF. Nelly I've lost track of when you are - round now too I think? Sorry. Brain-tear-fug.
Well done on buying a car artemis what fun!

Thank goodness it is Friday, I just want to get under the duvet and stay there for a few days.

mrsmellow I feel for you. I completely freaked out when out big box of drugs arrived (we had decided to cancel and postpone but they arrived before we were even out of bed to make the phone call). Mr Euro had to hide them from me to stop me looking like a wounded Bambi (huge eyes, wobbly legs) every time I walked past them.

Artemis I love a bit of car shopping. What did you buy?

Hi, I've just turned 10+ months, can I join you here? Promise to try my best to be positive and not a total grump about the whole thing! Will read back some pages to try and work out what everyone's stories are

Yes, newbies welcome charlotte. Positivity is not compulsory. We all have a wallow from time to time. But this is a very supportive thread, so we are positive towards one another, iyswim.

I'm euro. I'm 36, the bloke is 37. We're on our 25th cycle of despair trying. I've had 3 cycles of superovulation (Letrozole), 2 goes at IUI and one round of IVF that got as far as downregging before I couldn't hack the drugs and so stopped. We're planning on trying natural/mild IVF early next year. Oh, and we are "unexplained".

Re-emerges from the tent a bit less of a basketcase and wonders whether I can be a 10 plusser again

I have had a read through what I've missed but will no way be able to catch up with everything so a potted post I'm afraid.

Firstly massive congratulations to frannie That is fab news. So happy for you.

Also I am so pleased to read that you got good news at your scan heart.

I am happy that you are feeling better lemons

mrsmellow sorry that you are feeling wobbly with the drugs pick-up and the reality of it all hitting. Which brings me onto my new pet hate that is the way Corrie is currently making IVF look like a walk in the park. Cue lots of screaming at the TV when Tina is sat eating popcorn all bright eyed and bushy tailed hours after egg transfer. No wonder people don't appreciate what it means to be facing this shite. Anyway, wanted to say that I'm sure that you will be fine after a few more Percy Pigs once you start and get into things.

euro great news on your smear. That must be a relief to say the least.

rabbit so sorry to read about your suspected CP. I hope that you are feeling brighter.

nelly how is your wedding planning going?

artemis how exciting that things are progressing and it's not long now before egg transfer. The whole needle thing makes me cringe though!
Woo hoo at a new car.

gin super follies. Again, I can't believe how close ET is for you. I hope that Dave can come with you.

mrsd Oh God at Xmas. After last Xmas I was adament that my mother would not be setting foot in my house again let alone ruin another xmas but it looks like she will be on her own and I will have to bite the bullet. It doesn't seem fair somehow that she selfishly ruins every xmas and we have to put up with it and get guilt tripped into it all the time. I was hoping for a stress free one before IVF too. Going into the treatment furious at my mother's alcoholism doesn't seem like a good idea to me but yet again her feelings get put first.
A pregnancy blog. Why???? Does she think she is the only woman on earth to be pregnant. How blardy interesting can it be FGS? "was sick again this morning....got a haemerrhoid"

Welcome to charlotte BTW grump away on here.

Well after a few weeks of self imposed exile I am feeling much better and stronger about everything. I have accepted that a surprise BFP is unlikely at this point but am happy to still do the dirty to keep us in with a shout each month but am not descending into despair at the inevitable monthly failure. I am even looking forward to getting on with IVF which is a good thing though I still don't have a letter from the hospital yet so still don't know when treatment will start. The 6 month wait mark is the end of Dec and we were told a 6-8 month wait so who knows. I generally though feel much happier and am merrily buying craft supplies and formulating my plan for my mini craft empire! Move over Martha Stewart, there's a new old trout in town
MrP or Leonard as I shall name him following the recent renaming of spouses trend, (If anyone watches the Big Bang Theory my marriage is a lot like the relationship between Sheldon and Leonard. Shamefully I am Sheldon!) is also being much more supportive and talking more about the whole barreness thing so it is a lot less lonely and crap.

Anyway, love and cake to all.

Euro I really feel for you, they don't have any idea what's going on then? I've got my first hospital app on 12th Nov, everyone says it feels better to be in the system but I know it can be a really long process. Sorry for my ignorance, but what's downregging? I've had signs of pcos and I don't think I ovulate at all. Sounds like you are ovulating though? What's different about natural/mild IVF, I didn't know there were different types? Have everything crossed for you.

I'm going out for drinks tonight, am going to try not to worry about whether I should be drinking all night! Relaxing about it all is SO much easier said than done!

Ah, Pout I delurk to hug you and say "YAAAAAAAAY" you are back. You have been missed :) I like the sounds of your new empire. Pout Inc. Oh yes, that's very good. And you seem much happier. I like the Big Bang too, it's one of the only programmes that me and the in laws can watch without someone being bored, offended or the disinterested person (ALWAYS DH's dad) talking over the top of the favoured programmes (ALWAYS MY favourite trash programmes). And I at your comments about the blog. Maybe I should start one to go into competition with her? "6:02am: threw up in a bucket and farted blood because of the crippling constipation I'm faced with each morning, despite eating my body weight in grapes. Crawl back to bed, eat yoghurt and grapes. Don't go near DH because dog breath will make me puke again" I could just repeat this every day. But I wouldn't because I don't think the world revolves around me or for that fact that the whole world is interested in these facts?! It's boring and.... ^oh, I just shared on t'interweb' I am bad.

Whoops sorry for the rant. I am of course very grateful for painful poos, farting blood, sick and now the latest concern, my teeth falling out thanks mum No, no I really am, grateful that is. And I look forward to welcoming ALL of you other ladies aboard this 'special' bus soon. Because YOU will all get a win. You will. Princess Promise.

Heart I'm so pleased for you. I really hope the bean sticks. My friend bled for ages and ages and had a scan where it was all looking fine and then the bleeding tailed off and she is 25 weeks now and very fine.

MrsM so sorry you are feeling crapola. Big hugs. Hope you enjoyed your Percy Pigs. Mmmn percy pigs.

Artemis ooh new car. Exciting. Hope you feel much better stimming. Thinking of you.

Gin It's all come 'round so quickly again. I think you should patent chocolate milkshake as theee magic formula for mass egg production. that Dave can't be with you for EC. Hope that changes.

Nelly Good luck with the injectables. I bow down in utter awe at you taking this in your stride. If it makes you feel any better, I drank more in the 2ww than I have done for the rest of this year (brothers 21st - cocktails and wine; moving day - a bottle of wine; friend's wedding celebrations - champagne, gin and wine; evenings in the lovely kingsize bed in the sadly missed flat - maybe 2 glasses of wine on several occasions) . All seems ok at the moment, so I'm sure the odd glass or three won't do anything detrimental. I second Doll about staying sane too.

Charlotte these ladies will be a god send, they will brighten your life and offer you endless support, hugs and some of the best advice you will get ever. I miss them sorely.

Doll at biting on a stick You are so brave. Hope you are getting on ok with all of your drugs. Tehran - you are very brave! Isn't it majorly dangerous there or am I just indoctrinated with Western media shizzle?

Lemon yay to feeling better and all.

MrsD I like Xmas with just my DH. One year we hopped around the flat with reindeer antlers and noses on and it was REALLY the most fun Your friend sounds like a self centred moron. No-one needs to know that much about her, seriously, it's completely unnecessary and bloody boring to boot.

Waves to cosmos, frannie, critter, sar, joy, buzzy and any one I've missed.

Loving the high brow reading. I haven't for a while (things such as The Economist, Spectator etc etc), although I do read the newspaper most days. I will try to get back to some better reading soon. Tetris has taken over my life right now. Do do de doo do dee do do de do do de do do de do de do do doooooo... (for any other nerds out there). I got a mega high score the other night. DH was quite alarmed at how quickly the shapes were falling and being placed

Oh and I am total crappy poos at staying away from you lovely ladies. I miss yooooooou all :) I'm sorry if I've offended anyone by posting.

Friday night waves and sick tinged snogs for all xxxxxxxxxx

p.s. please don't congratulate about my sickness, I feel terribly rude barging on here and joining in. I am 8 + 5 today, I'm still feeling nervous, but there's only 3.5 weeks to go until my scan and it seems to be going a bit quicker now.

Welcome Charlotte - you can be jolly or moany - either way is fine with us. Have the Dr's discussed clomid type drugs to induce ovulation? I would say there is lots of hope for you.

Artemis - hoorray stimming has arrived. On with that choclolate milkshake. OOO new car -tell us more.

Gin - sorry for the heavy ovary feeling. But not long now hon. How exciting.

Pout - welcome back and delighted to have you with us again. Well done you for getting back on an even keel (sp?). Even though I wouldn't want anyone to have a break away from this thread, I do think removing one self from ttc stuff in full occasionally is healthy. Won't be long until the IVF now.

Doll - I am in awe of your country swapping come IVF injection filled days.

Mrs Den - sorry Christmas will be a quite one - but the IVF cycle is a positive thing indeed. Make sure you get a super sized tin of roses to see you through the festive period.

Mellow - aw sweetheart - I know exactly what you mean. But you do need to cry and let out these feelings. No one envisages that they will be starting a family in this way and it is all such a shock even though we know it's coming. You say you can't believe it has come to this. But thank God you are brave enough and smart enough to tackle your fertility issues head on and thank God it HAS come to this. You will never ever regret not trying fertility treatments / IVF but you may regret it if you sat back and never tried to do anything to help your situation. It takes a brave woman to admit they are in intense emotional pain and to simultaniously do something as invasive and scary as IVF to try and reach their goal. Do not lose sight that this is one step in a huge journey. Wow - what a very very strong and special lady you are. What a loving fantastic mother you will be. Nothing will ever be as tough again. Keep going and keep doing nice things. Thinking of you. xxx

Hello to Joy, Nelly, Buzz, Rabbit, Euro, Lemons et al.

Thank goodness it is Friday. I have been a bit wobbley again for the last 2-3 days. I am not looking for symapthy, nothing is new, nothing has changed. I guess it is just the usual 'ups and downs'.

I still can't reconcile in my head the healthy(ish) looking woman I see in the mirror who has normal periods, no pain or dissability, who got pregnant so easily once upon a time with the woman I really am who apparantly has severe pelvic diesease, distorted insides and signifcant fertility problems. Is it possible they could have got my notes mixed up with sometone else?

welcome Charlotte :) down regging is what they call long protocol in IVF, it is where you send your body into a menopause state then you start stimming, using stimulating drugs to grow alot of eggs at once, short protocol is just the stimming and mild and natural is less/no drugs

pout glad you are back, you have been missed

sar sorry you have been up and down, it is such a bumpy road

heart glad all was well at your scan

princess hopefully the sickness will end at 12 weeks for you

mellow sorry for the tears, its all quite daunting, I'm glad I have more time to reconcile with it all before I start.

artemis glad you are moving onto stimming

nelly did you decide about the assisted hatching, did they offer you the uterus scratching?? mellow you are right it does sound like a poem

not much to report, just waiting for AF which should be next weekend then onto next cycle, I feel very calm and happy, I'm thinking of putting off IVF until maybe Feb or March next year, we shall see, anyway off to snuggle Kayla for some body heat as I am freezing, hope everyone has a good weekend

Heart - that is great news. I can imagine bleeding is horribly worrying but i hope this has given you some peace of mind. Congratulations!

Pout - hurrah you are back. We've missed you. Great news that you are building a creative empire. it sounds fabulous!

Sar - massive hug. It's so bloody hard and mind boggling at the same time. I just hope that when your lap comes, it may shed some more light but it's the waiting and wondering why that is so difficult. I hope you have something nice planned this week.

Art - good luck with the stimming. It sounds like a horrible week and i just hope that the fog will now lift.

Charlotte - welcome and I hope your stay is short and sweet here. I've been hanging around these threads for yonks now and i have to say more often than not, ovulatory problems are some of the simpler things to fix with sub fertility. So best of luck.

Gin - poor you have to slog around with all those follies. I can imagine you are feeling pretty uncomfortable now. Have a restful weekend.

MrsMellow - urgh it's so awful when the realisation of one's positions smacks you in the face. Sorry that you had a cry earlier. Hopefully once you start it will get easier.

I'm sure i have missed loads but shock i have been busy at work and so haven't been able to keep my usual watchful eye on our thread.

I had my meeting today with the bacterial specialist. I found it really useful. I think Roy and I are harbouring some asymptomatic infections. But he doesn't think I have chlamydia. He looked at my greek results and said it was so small and considering my boring sexual history and all the other negative results, it really doesn't seem plausible. However, I told him and sorry TMI warning - that whenever i have unprotected sex, there is a disgusting fishy smell for at least a day afterwards. I can shower but it still smells. Now I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked out for BV but it was negative and they told me that in some people there are chemical reactions. Now what this doc today told me was that it is indicative of an infection and it shouldn't be smelling like this. Roy may have something like ureathits but Roy wasn't able to join me at the meeting to be tested.
This doc swabbed my mucus and then played around with the microscope then and there and showed me I didn't have BV. Then he showed my cervix mucus which showed I have a huge amount of polymers (which i could see) which tells him I have cervititis. We are still waiting for ROy's sperm fragmentation test but his reactive oxygente species test came back as very high which is also indicative of infection.
Before I bore you senseless , the upshot was he is happy for us to continue our month's worth of antibs and then we will get retested in December. He said there is much research on all this and it does indicate a link between infertility and infection. He doesn't want to get our hopes up but he didn't...i've been at this too long now for that to happen. But it's all about ruling things out and at least when i get to ivf i can think , I've got no infection now and have done everything i can.

Sorry to have bored you.

Bon Soir! x

Joycep - wow. You have not bored me at all. I take my hat off to you for being our infertility infection pioneer. That fishy smell - I can sort of relate to that. But I would say it is mild and only a little noticable when I go for a wee for the first 24 hours ish after. I assumed that was normal. Is this the sort of thing you are experiencing? Sorry to be grim. Does anyone get similar?

But this certainly gives a little credance to yours and mine antibiotic-conception theory. When you get a chance, please pm me details about this scientist. And yes, ruling this out prior to IVF is sensible.

Good luck this month girl!!!

joy thanks for sharing its really interesting, can I ask what anti b's you are taking

Hi charlotte and welcome to a very supportive thread, I concur, fingers crossed some clomid or letrozole will sort out your ovulation issues quickly.

hi pout lovely to see you and good you're feeling better - good luck for the craft empire building - I am toying with taking up knitting again, found the cutest shop with the cutest old couple, but not sure whether I'm deluding myself!

sarlat you are just a love, thank you so much for your words of support. I feel much better today, just a wobble - positive pants on again! I agree with not being able to reconcile who I am and who I think I am- and I know I'm in danger of letting this define me - we are so much more than our ovaries [functioning or not!] and I think reminding ourselves of that is really important. When our friends and family look at us, they see the confident, comfortable, amazing person they love, not someone with something weird going on between the navel and pubic bone. And that something will be sorted out, you will get through this and have your family.

buzzy you do sound calm - hope Kayla warmed you up

joy v interesting. I too get a slight fishy smell after sex - I always thought that was normal - the trichomonas (BV smell) is meant to be much stronger.
Are you both taking antibiotics?

gin the egg machine, I can relate to the days off work situation, there is one day this month that Ken could not avoid being at work for and I'm sure we will end up landing EC there one way or another. I'm sure Tuesday will be fine for you though, they would say if not, right? Welcome to sims Artemis would you let me know what you are injecting now as you are my LP buddy? you dropping the current drug or using alongside? Thanks for passing on what your doctor said regarding different feelings or lack of during sims mrsden that is comforting and useful to know. My lower abdomen is tight now, not bloated just tight. Anyway I'll see what's going on on Monday. We are just two days out on the cycle Artemis as I started on Wednesday.

mellow so sorry you had a melt down. It does seem like a very normal reaction though listen, I didnt have it so wasted time trying to work out why because I felt 'I should have' sar as always has some smart things to say.

The New Yorker is more pressure than The Economist in my experience. The articles are great but super long and many don't date in the same way that they do in the Economist meaning it calls out 'I'm still here unread' for longer. I didn't find the Iran article yet mellow The Economist I have knocking about at the moment is one with 'Cry, the beloved country' on the front ironically enough. Lovely to hear you Princess and no Tehran is not dangerous, very safe. No worries there but it does have big implications for us. Combining family life with working life is a big challenge for everyone I know, I'll distill our version the minute I get my head around it. mrsden don't be impressed, this is an on going situation and a move is not around the corner. Artemis this version would be perhaps three months into 2013, there is another possible option which we think would suit us better but we only have this concrete offer so its all a bit tricky. Our moves last 2-4 years.

We have missed you Pout welcome back. Welcome also Charlotte Happy weekends all.

x-post with positive pants mellow

Morning 10+ers!

YAY pout is back. Well done for the business empire building, and for being on a more even keel. Ten points to you. And hurrah for having you back...

That is complex joycep. My mind is boggling. I really hope it all works and helps and stuff.

Sorry about the mellow meltdown. I agree with sar that you are brave to be facing this. Good luck and take care of yourself!

Welcome charlotte. Sorry to find yourself here.

Here both 33, unexplained, TTC start July 2010, 4x IUI, last one (august) with injectibles, got BFP, MC at 7+4, now first proper cycle post-MC. Will start another round of IUI in Dec.

Now for I'll read the second page...

Massive X-posting. Hi doll, impressed with your and artemis stimming and cycling! And very pleased you're feeling better mellow.

I just wanted to say again, sar you are a rock for all of us and full of good advice, so please feel free to off-load now and again. And :( about the woman in the mirror not looking like someone with all the issues, you might be facing... Thinking of you and holding out hands.

Also, still pleased how much happier you've sounded since Kayla, buzzy!

Hi everyone,

charlotte welcome, and sorry that you find yourself here. I hope your hospital appointment gives you some answers as to what is going on!

doll wow, Iran. Ken must indeed be James Bond! Here in DC, I have met a lot of people who have to move countries for work every few years, and I'm sure that it's incredibly stressful, even if you're used to it. You're my hero for managing it with IVF at the same time. Incidentally I wouldn't worry about the emotional stuff - who is to say what is normal and what isn't? I wouldn't put yourself under any pressure about feeling a certain way or not, you're handling everything absolutely brilliantly in very trying circumstances!

art I had those bruises from the tummy injections too. I found one thing that seemed to make a difference was trying to find a spot that wasn't just over a vein (I have see-through skin and can spot them fairly easily). They are not fun though, and I had it easy with the pen thing!

princess yay you're back. Don't go! I would love it if this thread could include our graduates, your pregnancies are so hard won, and it gives us all a lift that some of us make it through to the other side! Farting blood though, wtf? That really does not sound a barrel of laughs at all.

lemon Wow, another round of IUI coming up in December - that's exciting, a new chapter and a fresh start. I have every finger crossed for you to have a booze and Stilton-free Christmas.

buzz I agree with lemon, Kayla and the life coach seem to have brought joy and equanimity to you and I am so incredibly glad.

pout hurrah, welcome home, we have missed you! I would love to know more about your burgeoning craft empire. I have found that doing something creative is guaranteed to get me out of a funk, whether it's cooking, writing a poem, or making a birthday card. Exciting about the end of the IVF wait drawing nigh. It sounds like there will be a few of us - me and euro and maybe buzzy - doing it in early 2013, and it will be great to have another clammy paw to clutch at. It's been great to see the first wave of us going through it and managing so brilliantly, and it's got me kind of excited about the process, although I know it won't be easy at all.

mellow so sorry about the tears. I can totally relate to that feeling, the disbelief that it is happening and that it has come to this. But we will get through it, and as sar says, it takes a lot of courage to face this. You should be really proud of yourself. I'm glad that you're feeling a little better now.

mrsd well done on hiding the bump lady. And you are a legend for doing IVF over Christmas - really, that deserves a TTC gold medal! That sounds difficult. I hope you and your DH will at least get to do some romantic stuff sans family, watch Love Actually and drink hot chocolate and cuddle a bit.

sar oh honey your post about looking in the mirror was heartbreaking. It is so bloody unfair. I wish I could make this less painful for you. You've done so much for all of us but I'm not eloquent enough to say the right thing to give you comfort.

joy I concur with the others on the fishy smell, there is definitely a 'sex smell' that lingers around. Years ago I remember smelling it on a flatmate (who I was really close to). She had stayed out late the night before, and when we were chatting after she got back from seeing her bloke and had a bath, I detected the telltale shag aroma. Of course I told her I could smell that she'd been having sex and she was mortified ! I think it's pretty standard, right? But not if it's mega strong - although people's internal pHs and body chemistry might affect it, I guess? I don't know - worth investigating everything, I reckon. Hope you're feeling less sore and itchy and that things are still healing nicely.

Loving the Economist talk. MrC gets the New Yorker and will occasionally read an article to me in the bath but I find them too long to read on my own. I think if they were 30% shorter they'd be perfect. I get sick of them about three quarters of the way in. I love the Economist but it can get rather relentless the way it keeps on coming every week. Someone who worked there once told me that their subscription figures are higher than their readership, because so many offices subscribe as a matter of course, and then the copies just sit there, looking the part, without anyone picking them up.

Waves to everyone that I've missed. I'm going to go plant some daffodil and tulip bulbs, I think - it's finally got cold here and there are leaves all over the garden that I've been ignoring for weeks. And then I'm thinking of making a pear and blackberry crumble for an autumnal themed potluck party that I'm going to tonight. I might even start work on putting together my wedding album, only three years late, inspired by pout's crafty action! Hurrah for Saturdays.

Morning lovely 10+ers!

You've been very quiet. Hope all is going well. How was the autumnal potluck and particulary the crumble, critter? Nice bright autumnal days are great. I just hate the grey damp ones, that seem so prevalent...

When do you start you gonal-F mellow? Hope the misery is less now AF is here and you can get geared up for the next round!

Here all is still very well, had another sesh at the counsellor and she agreed I had improved massively. I am going back one more time, once treatment has started again and in the mean-time I try to learn to face my monsters (despair and hopelessness re: starting treatment again). It seems all a little woo, but surprisingly effective, so I'll try. I also went for a run on Friday evening - I am getting old - and this morning with SB, who outran me speedwise but not endurance wise :). And I've been shopping and spending the money I am saving by not having kids (or treatment at the moment) on nice dresses, so I look presentable in the new job. SB seems particularly pleased with them.

Leaving a big box of rasberry cheesecake brownies for those in the tent needing extra protein. I am doing an assignment for the course I am doing this afternoon, so will be in and out

doll I had a look back through the economists - and think maybe I read the article elsewhere - the week or perhaps the guardian online (Honestly, I do have a job here as well!) - but there have been 2 short pieces in recent economists that cover similar opinions. The SA story in the current economist is quite polite - I feel they could have said more!

lemon AF hasn't arrived yet. Mentalling like crazy. And my breasts are sore (which they usually are pre-AF, but it always makes me hope ). BFN on Friday. Refuse to test until end of next week. God I hate the hope! Had a bit of a breakdown moment last night at a party. The hostess (who I've mentioned before as I think she's pregnant after stopping the pill at the end of September) wasn't drinking. It was a cocktail party at her house- so I'm extremely suspicious now. NOT FAIR

Another little girl born over the weekend too. Popping out like crazy - only have 4 more friends to pop before Christmas

Raspberry cheesecake brownies sound lush!
DH and I are planning an afternoon of baking - stem ginger muffins with lemon icing and some gingerbread - we're planning on making a house at christmas and highly competitive DH is keen to practice!

Hi ladies, it's been a roller coaster week round here, so me me me post coming up I'm afraid.

The follicles are all progressing well and EC is booked for Tuesday but I'm at risk of ohss :( My estrodial (sp) level yesterday was 8000, so v high. I've had another blood test today and depending on the result may have to do burselin tonight as a trigger rather than hcg and they'll then have to freeze any embryos and do a FET at some point in the future. I would much rather this than put myself as risk of ohss, but it is disappointing and I'm terrified of ohss. The whole point of going to create is that this wouldn't happen.

This combined with potential bleeding issues means that I've vowed never to do ivf again. I just don't think it's for me. Obviously please please don't let this put anyone else off! I just seem to be in the unlucky minority for these things.

Rather miserable hugs to you all.