TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

buzz that is really great that he has responded already. I'm glad he's on the case! I hope you don't need to repeat the tests once he's got your full history. I've been on gonal f for 12 days now.

critter well I hope you respond more over the next few days, I personally think they need to up the dose and scan you earlier on next cycle but I think its promising

Quick post. Good luck tomorrow Sar!

Lemon massive hugs.

Doll good job there wasn't flour too took me long enough to tidy up as it was.

Oh wow sar best of luck

Good luck sar , thinking of you.

Well shag-weekend is done and FF tells me ov was on Saturday. Much mentalling over the fact that I had two postive pee stick days, one of them on Sunday (this with reference to the potentially more than one egg situation re the scan last week - I mean come on, it's not likely to be ignored right?). Interesting that FF are putting ov in advance of a +, there is a long explanation regarding ov on the same day as + (this is my usual situation) but not the day after too. Anyway...managed shagging Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Thank god for the weekend, makes it much easier.

It struck me that this could be my last shag week before IVF if I go through with it next month. Nelly I'm sure you are right, you must need to avoid TTC the cycle before, but this dude needs to be mentioning the basics, so I'm sending him an email today with my question marks and concerns. I tend to be feeling Cosmos on the idea that the approach as advised where you are treated seems likely the way to go (did I misquote you?). Not least because they are comfortable with their approach, it's what they do. Whatever I have read on Google is not going to revolutionize their approach. However, this 'rock up when you fancy a go of IVF' needs a little more work...

oh and artemis you hit the nail on the head with the comment that basically IVF drugs work by making the follies grow at a similar rate rather than allowing one to take over. This is also at the centre of the protocol choices. The Long Protocol is the most straight forward for a clinic to run, mainly because the suppression is the deepest all the eggs should be cooked at the same time allowing scheduling of retrievals. The less suppression, the more fiddly the cycle is to run for the clinic and greater attention of detail is required. Any kind of scattered maturation makes ideal timing of egg retrieval difficult. Anyway....I emailed my dude asking for a little more "clarity" on what I can expect.

Sar good luck for today, thinking of you xx

Mrsden glad you're feeling more positive. I'm thinking of IVF as a 3-cycle process too, I'm not expecting the first one to work (but trying to feel positive about it in a complex exercise in doublethink ) I hear you on lack of motivation and struggling to concentrate on anything else. I've passed up interesting work opportunities and actually I would really love to do a doctorate but there's no way I can start anything like that at the moment, either mentally or financially. I have decided to cut myself some slack, not beat myself up for not being superwoman but look into some of the practicalities as part of the child free plan B. One useful tip I was given when feeling demotivated is to make sure you do something, even if it's not the something you're meant to be doing, that gets you moving and breaks the cycle of feeling crap. So if I'm struggling to get into my work it's OK to do the hoovering rather than sit at my desk in a fug. Crap example but you get the gist.

Pout similar thing on the creativity/cottage industry. Could you start small? Maybe put together some ideas to keep your mind occupied but without pressure on yourself to go the whole hog at the moment? I am a crafter too . I have done crochet and knitting for as long as I can remember but only from other people's patterns, I don't have the visual flair to come up with my own.

MrsM at your colleague's 'are you pregnant' question. How unbelievably rude. And the facebook poem

Akuaba hope you get some clarity. Glad your doctor is a real one and not just a plumber who fancied a change of scenery. I wonder that about ours sometimes .

Akuaba and Nelly yup, no caffeine at all Critter I'm greedy and lazy too but now I'm definitely heading IVFwards I feel more motivated to quit. I only have one coffee a day but Mr A has far more than is good for him irrespective of TTC. We've bought decaf for home and he's promised to cut it out at work but of course I've got no way of policing that. Same with the beer. Nelly like you I've wondered if sperm could be part of the problem with us. Mr A's stats were OK but not great and apparently an unhealthy lifestyle affects the sperm DNA which is not something they test. My worry is whether Mr A can stick it out. Now he's heard it from the consultant rather than me he's saying the right things but he has zero willpower and I'm fairly sure that if someone buys him a pint or a coffee he'll drink it. He already has a birthday night out in the pub lined up and someone's always going for a drink after work. Pout I thought of your meltdown at DH when Mr A was whining about the lifestyle stuff. I was nanoseconds away from announcing "well if you can't do this one simple thing I can always buy some sperm" . I'm keeping my powder dry on that one but he needs to take this stuff seriously and I'm not sure he does.

I'm a Neal's Yard fan too. I'm slathered in frankincense cream in the hope it will magically remove the tiredness and extra wrinkles from my trip

Freedom nice to see you

Buzzy glad the dr got back to you. I'm sure they can use existing tests if they're fairly recent. Could you see another GP at the same practice? October is too long to wait.

Coco at Ginger. I've now got a vision of a tail-feather-shaking, sparkly-knob-waving fertility dance performed by our assorted chimps

Waves to everybody, happy Tuesday

Mrsden it is vey hard not to put your life on hold, always thinking well if I am up diff by then then that will be a waste on money (Glastonbury and a skiing holiday being the two I am arguing with myself about ATM) but I have decided (today anyway) just to do it and if I do get bfp I will just be so happy I won't care. Perhaps as someone said just have a look and see, if nothing else a good distraction?

Mrsmellow- I am not sure how I would feel about my oh writing me a poem on fb, a bit skin crawly, but that could just be me..!
And I am shocked anyone would every jut ask you outright?! Big tummy or not.

Pout sorry you are feeling low

Critter - everymonth I think I will give up sugar and caffeine - and every month I fall at the last (maybe first) hurdle. I think in the absence of any input from the doctor the least I can do is give up caffeine though. I will try again, not sure all sugar can go... I am always impressed t anyone who has that kind of will power and it has got to be worth a try.

Freedom- I Am sorry that you find yourself here, it sounds like you have had a long and difficult journey so far

Artemis - it sounds like the open evening wa really helpful and a positive experience. I understand not wanting colleagues to know about drs appts etc I work for a very male company, weirdly they have a policy about fertility treatment etc but I would rather take leave (at least for the first couple of cycles). Fingers crossed you can get a round in before Christmas.

Buzzy - I would try just booking the appointment, I don't know how your surgery works but mine never ask why I need an appointment and it is probably worth a shot.

Nelly- I agree I have been nagging my oh about lifestyle changes and he is so flippant about it- I can see at some point soon I am going to have to just loose my temper to get his attention, it is frustrating he sees it as my thing when he has low motility and so far my bloods have been fine, grrr. Do let me know if you discover an easy way to get them to buy into the no caffeine etc rule!

Sar good luck today finger crossed for you!!!!!

Well I found out yesterday that the wait for Ivf is 3 years round here and that is after they have done all the other tests so could be 4?! Can I ask did you all wait for a consultant to do all the other tasts or did your go refer you for these on an individual basis?

Sorry if u have x posted or missed anyone but have a good day!

Sorry just read back my post and it is full of typos!! Phone posting, rubbish.

Just quickly marking my place on new sparkly thread. Come on no 10, be lucky for us all!

sar thinking of you today. Hope all goes well. Do you have a few days off or just today?

missm great news about the scan. I have everything crossed for you.

From a quick read, are there several of us doing an ivf cycle before Xmas?? We're starting at the end of Oct...

Big luffs to everyone, esp lemons. I can't imagine what you must be going through. X

Sar all the best today. Will be thinking of you.

Oh lemon big hugs.
artemis at the caffeine. Not sure if I can go without my tea. I've been trying. MrTeu would be a hard sell to cut down the coffee.

A group of girls on the bus had a tiny little newbie with them. From the conversation it's new enough to not be named yet. Felt rather judgemental that any of us could give the poor darling scrap a better upbringing.
Currently working on convincing MrTeu that I need sympathy as my cold is equally as bad as Man Flu .
Waves and tailfeathers all.

Good luck today sar
and for lemon - think it is completely legitimate to feel so pissed off with the universe and to be sad - it is going to take time to recover. Wish we could take some of our pain away.
critter you are very calm on the injections, hope your ovaries respond appropriately soon.
I'm sipping hot water... damn you all with the caffeine chat
DH already just drinks tea ( in my head, tea is ok - but I guess it has caffeine too - but he only has 2 cups a day... )
buzzy definitely get two appointments
artemis frankinsence...now, I know that's something the 3 Kings brought - but I don't know what it is - or myrrh for that matter...
doll fingers crossed for twins - sounds promising!
coco love the pics

I'm Day 27, but no idea whether I've ov'd after the laparoscopy - so treating it all as a long shag month.. will keep going for a few more days as my cycles pre ov stimulation were about 43 days.. If you had told me when I was 25 that I'd think about sex in this way I'd have told you where to go The Romance.

Seriously mellow it's a nightmare right. You mention shag month and I feel sorry for you! What have we become? I thought I might get a Monday AM situation going (for the twins, you know) as much as I didn't actually want to I was awake in the window of opportunity for a weekday AM. Little Doll still asleep, great, Mr Doll also still asleep, snag....move around a bit, nothing, get up and make (contraband) coffee, stick it under his nose, nothing. By the time we are both "ready" there is barking from next door (Little Doll's own individual signal that he is awake and ready to get up)..

Right, a proper post.

Good morning ladies!

I'll just add to the decaf chat. My nutritionist took decaf coffee away from me because it still contains non-useful chemicals even without the caffeine. Plus you need to be careful about the decaf you select. Cheaper brands use solvents to strip the caffeine from the bean / leaf and there is a school of thought that the residue left by the chemical solvents is worse for you than the caffeine in the first place. Some companies use a different method to remove the caffeine, by basically washing the tea or coffee and then using a CO2 method to blast it away (I think - I am no scientist! There's a lot of stuff on the 'net). Twinings and Clipper use the latter method; PG and Tetley use the former. Ideally, my nutritionist would like me to give up decaf tea too. But when she saw my face drop having taken away dairy, sugar, processed meat (ham, even naice ham - sob), pork, beef, decaf coffee, caffeine, alcohol, fruit juice... so she said as long as it was decaf Clipper (they don't bleach their bags either) I could have a couple a day (with oat milk). BTW, the brown diet is still going strong bar the very odd treat (half a scone with jam and cream) and a few glasses of naice wine each week (that's allowed on my maintenance diet :) ) I feel great when I'm sticking to the diet. Calm and non hormonally challenged! Critter that's really interesting what you said about the only month the folly grew being the Dr G month. I am going to try really hard to avoid the treats and to really cut down the booze (from like 8 small glasses a week to 1 or none)

Critter I'm so sorry you've had your first tears. It must be sooo frustrating going through what you are going through. You are brilliant at taking it on the chin, going to see your doctor at the rich mahogany spa, injecting yourself bravely and without any squeamishness and doing loads of interesting other stuff. As someone said, you are pumped with hormones and bad news is always shitty, I still think you are doing brilliantly. And I'm sure with some tweaking and Dr G diet you'll get there. Big hugs though. xxxxx

Lemon it will take time to get over what you've been through. It is a big thing and it's not nice. I used the miscarriage association's website loads and even phoned up one of their councilors for a chat when it got bad on one occassion. Don't worry about 'getting over it' quickly - I don't think that's realistic. I promise it gets easier and easier as the weeks pass and things settle and get back to normal in your body. Whilst it's still early doors some days will be better than others and seem positively like you are back and then you may crash the next (this happened to me a lot - up and down like a yoyo). I felt really shitty about crashing but it's just a part of it and the crashes happen a lot less given time and the better days increase. We're all here to be nice and to give you lots of lemony treats on the bad days and to cheer you when it's a good day. Sorry that you are having to go through this though. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy. Big, big, big hugs xxxxx

Pout I second all of the peeps saying to have a think about what you want to do with your cottage industry rather than feeling bad about not doing it. I've suspended my brain from thinking about anything to heavy. I could be doing so much more than just being on MN all the time and I don't have a heavy workload but even making dinner and meeting up with a friend to go to the cinema or meeting someone for a coffee of doing the washing up feels too much somedays. Anyway, when you're reading and Pout Inc is going strong I will be one of your first customers :)

Buzzy glad you had a better day yesterday :)

MrsM Ah the Romance exactly what I said to DH about our 'scheduled' sex life. But we were reading a copy of Cosmo at the hospital yesterday. I don't think I've picked up a copy since my early 20s. I was a little bit that on one page it's a rampant feminist campaign and on the next it was like, don't be shy to tell your man if you like submissive role play and it's ok for him to be like a caveman and surprise you whenever it takes his fancy. Grr. It makes me so cross. Oh and yes, be a feminist but rock those heels and bodycons too. Ok so, I like looking nice to and having spontaneous sex with DH but I think the message in Cosmo isn't right. Random rant over! Still it did give us a giggle before seeing the Consultant. I'm not too sure a couple of other ladies were very impressed at us sniggering away like a couple of teenagers!!

Ten 3 years! 3 years faints I don't know what it's like here. But I was hoping that it would be about a year to give us some time to try naturally and forget about appointments or seeing doctors a la Rabbit . But 3 years seems ruddy ridiculous. Can I ask what area of the country you are in vaguely? preys it's not West Sussex

Artemis I'm glad that Mr A is on board and the IVF open evening went well. I told DH very matter of factly yesterday that if they hadn't have found anything of slight concern with me that I would have put all of this on him bit mean really. But I wasn't being nasty and he agreed!! I think the doctor really made him think yesterday and he suggested the new plan on the way home yesterday faints again which was in line with what I was thinking. I think Doctors have a way of planting seeds in the sub conscious! What with all of their, "what would you like to do Mrs Princess?" Still dumbfounded! I did have a sly chuckle at "I could always go and buy some sperm"

Doll I hope The Dude gets back to you with sensible answers. Maybe you'll get that ironic pre-IVF duff this month though?

Right ho, back to work or something. Love to you all. Looks like we are moving out properly next week. PiLs here we come........

at little doll barking to show that he is awake. I love little doll a little bit more each time you talk about him. I loved his one glove and hair clips too. And his sorbet making abilities! I don't think your doctor is The Dude, I think little doll is The Dude :)

ten at 3-4 years wait for IVF. That's insane.

Glad your Dr is a real Dr doll

Good luck for today sar !

princess at the list of food/drink you ate cutting out!!! I can not function without tea. I'm super impressed you are managing to stick to this!!

Artemis the thought of the fertility dancing chimps made me laugh. Thank goodness we live in an age where we can rely on more than well endowed wood carvings to help us.

Coco it wasn't easy to give up some of the stuff. I stuck to the above religiously for 3 months and then she let loose the reigns a little for my on-going maintenance diet (I can have a small glass of fruit juice with food each day, a small amount of goats cheese occasionally and some booze if I fancy it). When I found out I had to give up dairy, I cried. A lot. Big sobby, I can't believe I have to give up dairy tears. I love(d) dairy. Cheese, cream, yoghurt, full fat milk, milkshakes, milky tea, creme fraiche, sour cream et al. We had a cupboard purge and threw out any off diet things. That helped. Still, at least I don't smell cheesy anymore . And after 5 months of being virtually dairy free, the dairy aisle really smells bad, so I'm not even tempted to buy it in the supermarket anymore. It's amazing how quickly you adapt. What I'm doing has been 'affectionately' named the "brown diet" and is supposed to help my progesterone improve and to make me less of a mardy moo cow. Oh and I have to eat every 3 - 4 hours. The benefits have far outweighed my need for cheese or cake (and I don't have a sweet tooth, so giving up sugar has been really easy). I also have perfect temp charts when I bother now, periods really regularly (27-28 days) and had my first + OPKs on the diet. I still have PMS but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I also had to abstain from TTC for the three strict months and take loads and loads and loads of supplements and detox tablets (also affectionately named the constant shitting tablets). I'm into my 3rd 2ww since TTC again and I have to keep reminding myself it's only early days and that we've changed our lifestyle sooooooo much. The only big down side is my boobs have shrunk down from a C/D to a B and my new B cup bras are starting to get a bit on the big side now too

Princess it seems Chinese people who eat a 'tranditional Chinese' diet without diary can smell us cheese eaters. It's gross when you think about it. Interesting, as you say, how quickly you adapt. 'Mardy' I must remember that..little Doll has limited English language influence and I just loved it yesterday when I took him to the staff loos in a supermarket and he said 'Is bit manky'. Thanks for your sweet comments by the way.

mellow 2 cups a day is good. A cup of tea has less caffeine in it than a cup of coffee and NHS guidelines for during pg say two teas or one coffee per day (personally I drink between 5 and cups of tea a day and really struggled to cut this down to 2)

Ah sorry don't want to freak anyone with waiting times. It is one of the London boroughs, so don't worry, but I think we can do a private cycle or two and they won't take away our nhs goes.

Also just called the infertility clinic and thy have lost the referral from my gp which was sent a month ago.. Frustrating morning.

Akua- at one point I actually had to put diary invites in to remind me and oh to go home and get on with it. His secretary wondered what was going on when she received an invite that repeated every other day to ''catch up with mrs10" for a month. Luckily it didn't mention sex, but still a strange thing to do - I imagine she thinks our marriage is in real trouble!

Don't worry ten I'm just a bit of a drama queen :) But 3 - 4 years is ridiculous! How annoying that the clinic lost your referral. at "catch up with Mrs10" I once invited Mr P to a "party in your pants" event in our shared home iCal!

sar I hope your frostie is settling in nicely

ten you wonder how they get the waiting lists to that length in the first place, sometimes my surgery asks and sometimes they don't, I just don't want to get there and the new GP say no its likely to tip me over the edge. at your invite to mr 10

mellow what is this romance you talk of, I can't be arsed to get the boots out anymore, although according to pout Charlie is wearing them

teu oh the joys of man flu I hope you feel better soon, down tools I say and look after yourself.

artemis at your fertility dancing chimp comment, don't give mine any ideas!!

I don't think the odd coffee or decaf is going to make or break the situation, princess is right about the chemicals in decaf, which is what I drink along with decaf tea as people kept telling me that the caffeine was causing my migraines I probably drink too much of the stuff but have managed to get updiffed twice, Mr B on the other hand lives like a saint exercises eats well doesn't drink etc etc

well back to work............

I got back from spain yesterday so am a bit behind with everything. Just had my pre-op assessment which was fine although I was very teary during the meeting. Tiredness and AF not good combo.

sarlat - wishing you the very best of luck today. Everything is crossed for you!!

lemon - i am sorry to hear you got a pregnancy announcement at this time. I had exactly the same during my miscarriage and it was deeply depressing. I also hated it when people said at least you can get pregnant. give yourself times to grieve , i found it came in horrible waves. Massive hug.

rabbit - i am very sorry to hear AF came after toying with you like that. Have you always had a long luteal phase?

missmed - all is sounding positive for you. woohoo.

buzzy - how are you feeling a the moment? I'm so sorry that mrB was crying the other night. That would break me and I'm sure my husband does behind my back.

mrsden - i have found ttc such a big strain that I find it difficult to cope with other problems. I feel like a huge failure in this part of my life and i hate social situations as the question inevitably comes up.

pout - you are obviously very creative and i second what others have said about maybe starting something small. If you start mapping out a plan, it may give you a boost and get you excited about something. this journey is so miserable i find it difficult to get excited about many things.

critter - sorry to hear that you haven't responded to the first lot of drugs. You probably just need an uppage. Will return to Neal's Yard to re-purchase the rose oil.

princess - i have heard all that about decaf coffee/tea. I heard decaf was worse. Do you think 2 or 3 cups of tea are alright? It's literally my one final pleasure!! I knew someone who drunk 3 red bulls a day and drank it through her pregnancy. [stamps feet at unfairness]

artemis - that's good you are feeling less panicked about ivf after the open evening. I would also like to squeeze a cycle in before xmas but not sure i will be able to. Mr J is also infuriating about staying healthy. I am furious with him at the moment as I smelt cigarettes on him last week. [my nose sniffs out ciggy smoking as convincingly as it sniffs out pregnancies]. The trouble is he is so stressed at work and he smokes to get him through it. I hate being the wicked witch but smoking is such a no no especially now. He likes to drink to unwind as well and I'm not sure he can keep up the healthiness.

doll - i can't believe you could do a round of ivc next month. When do you think you will decide?

Well another cycle has started for me. This must be in the mid 30s by now. Sigh.
So my mother called me last night. And it went something like this, "so by chance we have heard of other people who have your problem. There seems to be something going around. A couple of Jenny's cousins had your problem and the answer was very simple apparently. So you shouldn't get this operation before speaking to Jenny."

WTF? I was like "are you trying to tell me that there is a bug going round that is causing infertility?". I just despair! Firstly, Jenny is a friend of my father who none of us like. My mother would never talk to her so that means my father has been discussing "my problems" with her and then getting my mother to call me. She has never wanted children and so has not been through it so I expect has heard along the grapevines about her cousin. Plus I am that he would choose to discuss our ttc issue with this woman.

Secondly , I cannot believe that they honestly think that there is something going around for me to catch infertility. They are intelligent parents so how could they think this?! And not only that but telling me there is a simple cure to "my problem". There could be a million reasons why i can't get pregnant and so to wrap my issues up with other people is simply ridiculous. I saw and am at how many people they have been discussing this with and then to start saying I shouldn't be having my op. RANT RANT RANT

Anyway, I think I am pretty stressed about everything. I have not been sleeping properly for weeks now. Every night I am having horrible dreams and I keep meeting friends in my dreams with their babies. Weirdly during the day I think I have been coping ok but it seems to seep out at night.

Waves to everyone else. I'm a bit conscious I have missed people off but now am back after my reallly long 3 day holiday, I'm back on bored threat numero 10. I know we shouldn't have deadlines but by thread 20 I want to be pregnant please!!