A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.
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Heart7 ·
18/09/2012 08:01
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ArtemisTheHunter ·
18/09/2012 08:13
Sar good luck for today, thinking of you xx
Mrsden glad you're feeling more positive. I'm thinking of IVF as a 3-cycle process too, I'm not expecting the first one to work (but trying to feel positive about it in a complex exercise in doublethink 
) I hear you on lack of motivation and struggling to concentrate on anything else. I've passed up interesting work opportunities and actually I would really love to do a doctorate but there's no way I can start anything like that at the moment, either mentally or financially. I have decided to cut myself some slack, not beat myself up for not being superwoman but look into some of the practicalities as part of the child free plan B. One useful tip I was given when feeling demotivated is to make sure you do something, even if it's not the something you're meant to be doing, that gets you moving and breaks the cycle of feeling crap. So if I'm struggling to get into my work it's OK to do the hoovering rather than sit at my desk in a fug. Crap example but you get the gist.
Pout similar thing on the creativity/cottage industry. Could you start small? Maybe put together some ideas to keep your mind occupied but without pressure on yourself to go the whole hog at the moment? I am a crafter too 
. I have done crochet and knitting for as long as I can remember but only from other people's patterns, I don't have the visual flair to come up with my own.
MrsM 
at your colleague's 'are you pregnant' question. How unbelievably rude. And the facebook poem
Akuaba hope you get some clarity. Glad your doctor is a real one and not just a plumber who fancied a change of scenery. I wonder that about ours sometimes 
.
Akuaba and Nelly yup, no caffeine at all Critter I'm greedy and lazy too but now I'm definitely heading IVFwards I feel more motivated to quit. I only have one coffee a day but Mr A has far more than is good for him irrespective of TTC. We've bought decaf for home and he's promised to cut it out at work but of course I've got no way of policing that. Same with the beer. Nelly like you I've wondered if sperm could be part of the problem with us. Mr A's stats were OK but not great and apparently an unhealthy lifestyle affects the sperm DNA which is not something they test. My worry is whether Mr A can stick it out. Now he's heard it from the consultant rather than me he's saying the right things but he has zero willpower and I'm fairly sure that if someone buys him a pint or a coffee he'll drink it. He already has a birthday night out in the pub lined up and someone's always going for a drink after work. Pout I thought of your meltdown at DH when Mr A was whining about the lifestyle stuff. I was nanoseconds away from announcing "well if you can't do this one simple thing I can always buy some sperm" 
. I'm keeping my powder dry on that one but he needs to take this stuff seriously and I'm not sure he does.
I'm a Neal's Yard fan too. I'm slathered in frankincense cream in the hope it will magically remove the tiredness and extra wrinkles from my trip
Freedom nice to see you
Buzzy glad the dr got back to you. I'm sure they can use existing tests if they're fairly recent. Could you see another GP at the same practice? October is too long to wait.
Coco at Ginger. I've now got a vision of a tail-feather-shaking, sparkly-knob-waving fertility dance performed by our assorted chimps
Waves to everybody, happy Tuesday
TeuchterWahine ·
18/09/2012 09:33
Oh lemon big hugs.
artemis at the caffeine. Not sure if I can go without my tea. I've been trying. MrTeu would be a hard sell to cut down the coffee.
A group of girls on the bus had a tiny little newbie with them. From the conversation it's new enough to not be named yet. Felt rather judgemental that any of us could give the poor darling scrap a better upbringing.
Currently working on convincing MrTeu that I need sympathy as my cold is equally as bad as Man Flu .
Waves and tailfeathers all.
mrsmellow ·
18/09/2012 09:51
Good luck today sar
and 
for lemon - think it is completely legitimate to feel so pissed off with the universe and to be sad - it is going to take time to recover. Wish we could take some of our pain away.
critter you are very calm on the injections, hope your ovaries respond appropriately soon.
I'm sipping hot water... damn you all with the caffeine chat
DH already just drinks tea ( in my head, tea is ok - but I guess it has caffeine too - but he only has 2 cups a day...
)
buzzy definitely get two appointments
artemis frankinsence...now, I know that's something the 3 Kings brought - but I don't know what it is - or myrrh for that matter...
doll fingers crossed for twins - sounds promising!
coco love the pics
I'm Day 27, but no idea whether I've ov'd after the laparoscopy - so treating it all as a long shag month.. will keep going for a few more days as my cycles pre ov stimulation were about 43 days.. If you had told me when I was 25 that I'd think about sex in this way I'd have told you where to go The Romance.
princesschick ·
18/09/2012 10:35
Right, a proper post.
Good morning ladies!
I'll just add to the decaf chat. My nutritionist took decaf coffee away from me because it still contains non-useful chemicals even without the caffeine. Plus you need to be careful about the decaf you select. Cheaper brands use solvents to strip the caffeine from the bean / leaf and there is a school of thought that the residue left by the chemical solvents is worse for you than the caffeine in the first place. Some companies use a different method to remove the caffeine, by basically washing the tea or coffee and then using a CO2 method to blast it away (I think - I am no scientist! There's a lot of stuff on the 'net). Twinings and Clipper use the latter method; PG and Tetley use the former. Ideally, my nutritionist would like me to give up decaf tea too. But when she saw my face drop having taken away dairy, sugar, processed meat (ham, even naice ham - sob), pork, beef, decaf coffee, caffeine, alcohol, fruit juice... so she said as long as it was decaf Clipper (they don't bleach their bags either) I could have a couple a day (with oat milk). BTW, the brown diet is still going strong bar the very odd treat (half a scone with jam and cream) and a few glasses of naice wine each week (that's allowed on my maintenance diet :) ) I feel great when I'm sticking to the diet. Calm and non hormonally challenged! Critter that's really interesting what you said about the only month the folly grew being the Dr G month. I am going to try really hard to avoid the treats and to really cut down the booze (from like 8 small glasses a week to 1 or none)
Critter I'm so sorry you've had your first tears. It must be sooo frustrating going through what you are going through. You are brilliant at taking it on the chin, going to see your doctor at the rich mahogany spa, injecting yourself bravely and without any squeamishness and doing loads of interesting other stuff. As someone said, you are pumped with hormones and bad news is always shitty, I still think you are doing brilliantly. And I'm sure with some tweaking and Dr G diet you'll get there. Big hugs though. xxxxx
Lemon it will take time to get over what you've been through. It is a big thing and it's not nice. I used the miscarriage association's website loads and even phoned up one of their councilors for a chat when it got bad on one occassion. Don't worry about 'getting over it' quickly - I don't think that's realistic. I promise it gets easier and easier as the weeks pass and things settle and get back to normal in your body. Whilst it's still early doors some days will be better than others and seem positively like you are back and then you may crash the next (this happened to me a lot - up and down like a yoyo). I felt really shitty about crashing but it's just a part of it and the crashes happen a lot less given time and the better days increase. We're all here to be nice and to give you lots of lemony treats on the bad days and to cheer you when it's a good day. Sorry that you are having to go through this though. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy. Big, big, big hugs xxxxx
Pout I second all of the peeps saying to have a think about what you want to do with your cottage industry rather than feeling bad about not doing it. I've suspended my brain from thinking about anything to heavy. I could be doing so much more than just being on MN all the time and I don't have a heavy workload but even making dinner and meeting up with a friend to go to the cinema or meeting someone for a coffee of doing the washing up feels too much somedays. Anyway, when you're reading and Pout Inc is going strong I will be one of your first customers :)
Buzzy glad you had a better day yesterday :)
MrsM Ah the Romance exactly what I said to DH about our 'scheduled' sex life. But we were reading a copy of Cosmo at the hospital yesterday. I don't think I've picked up a copy since my early 20s. I was a little bit that on one page it's a rampant feminist campaign and on the next it was like, don't be shy to tell your man if you like submissive role play and it's ok for him to be like a caveman and surprise you whenever it takes his fancy. Grr. It makes me so cross. Oh and yes, be a feminist but rock those heels and bodycons too. Ok so, I like looking nice to and having spontaneous sex with DH but I think the message in Cosmo isn't right. Random rant over! Still it did give us a giggle before seeing the Consultant. I'm not too sure a couple of other ladies were very impressed at us sniggering away like a couple of teenagers!!
Ten 3 years! 3 years faints I don't know what it's like here. But I was hoping that it would be about a year to give us some time to try naturally and forget about appointments or seeing doctors a la Rabbit . But 3 years seems ruddy ridiculous. Can I ask what area of the country you are in vaguely? preys it's not West Sussex
Artemis I'm glad that Mr A is on board and the IVF open evening went well. I told DH very matter of factly yesterday that if they hadn't have found anything of slight concern with me that I would have put all of this on him bit mean really. But I wasn't being nasty and he agreed!! I think the doctor really made him think yesterday and he suggested the new plan on the way home yesterday faints again which was in line with what I was thinking. I think Doctors have a way of planting seeds in the sub conscious! What with all of their, "what would you like to do Mrs Princess?" Still dumbfounded! I did have a sly chuckle at "I could always go and buy some sperm"
Doll I hope The Dude gets back to you with sensible answers. Maybe you'll get that ironic pre-IVF duff this month though?
Right ho, back to work or something. Love to you all. Looks like we are moving out properly next week. PiLs here we come........
OP posts:
princesschick ·
18/09/2012 10:40
at little doll barking to show that he is awake. I love little doll a little bit more each time you talk about him. I loved his one glove and hair clips too. And his sorbet making abilities! I don't think your doctor is The Dude, I think little doll is The Dude :)
OP posts:
CocoAndNuts ·
18/09/2012 10:44
ten at 3-4 years wait for IVF. That's insane.
Glad your Dr is a real Dr doll
Good luck for today sar !
princess at the list of food/drink you ate cutting out!!! I can not function without tea. I'm super impressed you are managing to stick to this!!
Artemis the thought of the fertility dancing chimps made me laugh. Thank goodness we live in an age where we can rely on more than well endowed wood carvings to help us.
princesschick ·
18/09/2012 10:59
Coco it wasn't easy to give up some of the stuff. I stuck to the above religiously for 3 months and then she let loose the reigns a little for my on-going maintenance diet (I can have a small glass of fruit juice with food each day, a small amount of goats cheese occasionally and some booze if I fancy it). When I found out I had to give up dairy, I cried. A lot. Big sobby, I can't believe I have to give up dairy tears. I love(d) dairy. Cheese, cream, yoghurt, full fat milk, milkshakes, milky tea, creme fraiche, sour cream et al. We had a cupboard purge and threw out any off diet things. That helped. Still, at least I don't smell cheesy anymore . And after 5 months of being virtually dairy free, the dairy aisle really smells bad, so I'm not even tempted to buy it in the supermarket anymore. It's amazing how quickly you adapt. What I'm doing has been 'affectionately' named the "brown diet" and is supposed to help my progesterone improve and to make me less of a mardy moo cow. Oh and I have to eat every 3 - 4 hours. The benefits have far outweighed my need for cheese or cake (and I don't have a sweet tooth, so giving up sugar has been really easy). I also have perfect temp charts when I bother now, periods really regularly (27-28 days) and had my first + OPKs on the diet. I still have PMS but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I also had to abstain from TTC for the three strict months and take loads and loads and loads of supplements and detox tablets (also affectionately named the constant shitting tablets). I'm into my 3rd 2ww since TTC again and I have to keep reminding myself it's only early days and that we've changed our lifestyle sooooooo much. The only big down side is my boobs have shrunk down from a C/D to a B and my new B cup bras are starting to get a bit on the big side now too
OP posts:
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princesschick ·
18/09/2012 12:44
Don't worry ten I'm just a bit of a drama queen :) But 3 - 4 years is ridiculous! How annoying that the clinic lost your referral. at "catch up with Mrs10" I once invited Mr P to a "party in your pants" event in our shared home iCal!
OP posts:
buzzybee123 ·
18/09/2012 13:07
sar I hope your frostie is settling in nicely
ten you wonder how they get the waiting lists to that length in the first place, sometimes my surgery asks and sometimes they don't, I just don't want to get there and the new GP say no its likely to tip me over the edge. at your invite to mr 10
mellow what is this romance you talk of, I can't be arsed to get the boots out anymore, although according to pout Charlie is wearing them
teu oh the joys of man flu I hope you feel better soon, down tools I say and look after yourself.
artemis at your fertility dancing chimp comment, don't give mine any ideas!!
I don't think the odd coffee or decaf is going to make or break the situation, princess is right about the chemicals in decaf, which is what I drink along with decaf tea as people kept telling me that the caffeine was causing my migraines I probably drink too much of the stuff but have managed to get updiffed twice, Mr B on the other hand lives like a saint 
exercises eats well doesn't drink etc etc
well back to work............
joycep ·
18/09/2012 15:52
I got back from spain yesterday so am a bit behind with everything. Just had my pre-op assessment which was fine although I was very teary during the meeting. Tiredness and AF not good combo.
sarlat - wishing you the very best of luck today. Everything is crossed for you!!
lemon - i am sorry to hear you got a pregnancy announcement at this time. 
I had exactly the same during my miscarriage and it was deeply depressing. I also hated it when people said at least you can get pregnant. give yourself times to grieve , i found it came in horrible waves. Massive hug.
rabbit - i am very sorry to hear AF came after toying with you like that. Have you always had a long luteal phase?
missmed - all is sounding positive for you. woohoo.
buzzy - how are you feeling a the moment? I'm so sorry that mrB was crying the other night. That would break me and I'm sure my husband does behind my back.
mrsden - i have found ttc such a big strain that I find it difficult to cope with other problems. I feel like a huge failure in this part of my life and i hate social situations as the question inevitably comes up.
pout - you are obviously very creative and i second what others have said about maybe starting something small. If you start mapping out a plan, it may give you a boost and get you excited about something. this journey is so miserable i find it difficult to get excited about many things.
critter - sorry to hear that you haven't responded to the first lot of drugs. You probably just need an uppage. Will return to Neal's Yard to re-purchase the rose oil.
princess - i have heard all that about decaf coffee/tea. I heard decaf was worse. Do you think 2 or 3 cups of tea are alright? It's literally my one final pleasure!! I knew someone who drunk 3 red bulls a day and drank it through her pregnancy. [stamps feet at unfairness]
artemis - that's good you are feeling less panicked about ivf after the open evening. I would also like to squeeze a cycle in before xmas but not sure i will be able to. Mr J is also infuriating about staying healthy. I am furious with him at the moment as I smelt cigarettes on him last week. [my nose sniffs out ciggy smoking as convincingly as it sniffs out pregnancies]. The trouble is he is so stressed at work and he smokes to get him through it. I hate being the wicked witch but smoking is such a no no especially now. He likes to drink to unwind as well and I'm not sure he can keep up the healthiness.
doll - i can't believe you could do a round of ivc next month. When do you think you will decide?
Well another cycle has started for me. This must be in the mid 30s by now. Sigh.
So my mother called me last night. And it went something like this, "so by chance we have heard of other people who have your problem. There seems to be something going around. A couple of Jenny's cousins had your problem and the answer was very simple apparently. So you shouldn't get this operation before speaking to Jenny."
WTF? I was like "are you trying to tell me that there is a bug going round that is causing infertility?". I just despair! Firstly, Jenny is a friend of my father who none of us like. My mother would never talk to her so that means my father has been discussing "my problems" with her and then getting my mother to call me. She has never wanted children and so has not been through it so I expect has heard along the grapevines about her cousin. Plus I am that he would choose to discuss our ttc issue with this woman.
Secondly , I cannot believe that they honestly think that there is something going around for me to catch infertility. They are intelligent parents so how could they think this?! And not only that but telling me there is a simple cure to "my problem". There could be a million reasons why i can't get pregnant and so to wrap my issues up with other people is simply ridiculous. I saw and am at how many people they have been discussing this with and then to start saying I shouldn't be having my op. RANT RANT RANT
Anyway, I think I am pretty stressed about everything. I have not been sleeping properly for weeks now. Every night I am having horrible dreams and I keep meeting friends in my dreams with their babies. Weirdly during the day I think I have been coping ok but it seems to seep out at night.
Waves to everyone else. I'm a bit conscious I have missed people off but now am back after my reallly long 3 day holiday, I'm back on bored threat numero 10. I know we shouldn't have deadlines but by thread 20 I want to be pregnant please!!
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