TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

On train returning from acu. Weird gin I'm the opposite, I just want to get on with the bloody thing! Natural has had its chance and I want to stop thinking about my diet, decaf vs green tea, whether I'm drinking enough water. So basically I'm waiting on it to be over so I can go back to necking wine, and enjoying my wedding and honeymoon! I'm ignoring any potential risks .

Great advice sar. Can I jump straight to planning a holiday for 2 years time? In which case think I'll visit Teu .

When is the meet up again? Need to work out if my delayed IVF means I can go or not.

Mrsden I'm sorry you are in the tent. The delays are infuriating because once you know this is the route you just want to bloody well get on with it. Hugs for you.

Princess it was awful about your friend, what a tragedy. Hope you are doing ok.

So much else to catch up on but train nearly in.

Nelly x-post, I forgot you in my very important waving. How is this even possible?? (waves)

Wise words on this thread as always.

Gin thanks for the tip re: the Open Day. Buzzy maybe we will see you there!

joycep I have just downloaded the woo book for my kindle. I will see how much of it I get through on the plane to the US this weekend (whilst hiding what I am reading from my colleagues!).

akuba I'm trying to think back to what I read as it was a few months ago. I think I mostly found people on other fora who had managed to get PG in the cycle where they started downregging and panicked, only to be told it was fine. I think you would want to test early if you had any suspicion, as the drugs lower some of the hormones that are used to sustain a pregnancy, so you would want to stop them asap. I think I also read about an Australian study into this. Let me see if I can find it.

Morning all,

A quick one because I have to start studying for the exam I've been putting off for months. big sigh in and then out...PAH...I hate boring exams...still it is a distraction from TTC.

Joy the book was great. Thanks for the recommendation. It sort of sums up where I am at the moment and although there isn't anything really new in there, its a good consolidation of useful advice and reassurance.

Euro I got through it in 2 hours last night, so I think you'll fly through it :) Have a nice trip to the States.

Gin there are quite a few pro-page 3 (for lots of reasons) on that thread and two men who just seem to want to fight and put everyone else down. Patriarchy. Meh. Sorry you are getting pre-IVF nerves. That isn't nice and I can imagine it must be really scarey. Big hugs xxx

Buzzy wow that is exciting about the clinic over there! How exciting!

Sar great advice as usual. I love the idea of china cups and putting the watch on the other wrist! I used my body brush this morning and have been taking time to put body butter on too as a mini-morning spa experience recently. It really is the small things! I'm firmly crossing fingers for mini-sar-bean xxx

Ten sorry about the BFN. Hope you are feeling better today.

Coco same to you hope that you are feeling ok today. Lady hormones are crap aren't they. I hate being saddled with 2 weeks of gloominess.

Frannie nice to see you 'round these parts. Sorry to hear you are still having no luck with the clinic and the way they are treating you. Can you see someone else now you have moved if they are thinking of moving you onto different treatment after IUI? I think we will end up down this route next year, because there would appear to be more funding in our new area and I'm quite keen to get a second opinion next year. Big, big hugs xxxx

Doll I'm sure you don't need to worry too much before IVF. You always sound like you are eating super healthy anyway. It's so exciting that you are going ahead so soon. I like your measured approach to the research to. V.impressive.

Nelly the meet up is the 20/10 for lunch. Hope you are ok at the moment. When do you start your IVF treatment?

On that note, if anyone else wants to join us for the meet up - 20th October in London - let me know so that I can add you to the list for the table :)

By the way, thanks everyone for your kind words about my friend. I haven't seen her or kept in touch for a long time. But it is still shocking and horrible. You are all so lovely

Waves to anyone missed. :)

euro great of you to follow up, thanks a lot, that helps. I guess kindles help keep things away from the eyes of others to an extent at least.... Save travels.

Safe/save
Thanks for your kind words Princess

Hello all,

Sorry I've been shamefully out of loop so shortly after joining the thread. But oof, life. And I do sometimes feel that while there's nothing like finding a group of other ladies in a similar position to make me feel a lot better about my TTC woes, too much MNing can also make me feel worse sometimes. So I understand pout's decision (and the other lurkers who pop in and out) and I hope my own occasional need to lurk doesn't irritate others too much!

lemon I'm so sorry to read what you've been through. I do think you need to allow yourself as long as you need to grieve, but I so hope things start to feel better again soon.

sar I've also got everything crossed for your bean. Here's to a sticky one. Also, your words on managing this whole dire process are very wise.

princess I'm sorry to hear about your connection to one of the officers who was killed. Such a horrible thing to happen. And I'm following your progress/woo with great interest.

joy Thanks for the link to that book, I've downloaded and will read it tonight.

There's been so much else of interest and help, but I've been away for so long it's hard to catch up with and name it all!

Not much to say for myself, really. Deep into the 2ww, trying hard not to go mental over the fact that I've not had any of my usual PMS symptoms yet because it's still really quite early days for those to rear their ugly heads, and anyway all my woo/exercise/healthy eating/supplements/no caffeine & booze/yada yada yada is meant to be eliminating PMS! So pregnancy or no this is all wonderfully positive, or so I am trying to firmly repeat to myself. But ten I feel for you! (Sorry about the BFN.) I'm only too happy not to have any hpts in the house, trying all this new stuff has seriously riased the hopefulness stakes again. But I do think hope is helpful (for me at least), and I have actually been feeling pretty great with all the woo. All health-ful like, which is wonderful just in itself.

As for the talk about jealousy towards others, every time I mention feeling that way my OH firmly tells me that the status of other people's uteri bears absolutely no relation to my own whatsoever. The first time he said that I nearly lost the plot I was so angry, but actually, um, he's totally right. My irrational inner chimp still doesn't like it, but repeating that to myself every time I've had a preggo announcement or encountered smug motherhood has helped.

Anyway, it's autumn! Jumpers and boots and coats and scarves and crisp sunny mornings and stomping through fallen leaves and JOY.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Oh God, O God. I'm scared, just had a real big cry and meltdown. Out of nowhere, the enourmity of what I am doing has just caught up with me.

Shit, shit what if it doesn't work? . I'm really scared. I can't believe what we have to go though. It is too early for symptoms isn't it? I am 7dpo (2 days after tranfer). I have read articles that say awkward transfers can decrease implantation. Shit, shouldn't have gone reading.

Sorry - such a selfish post. I can't seem to talk myself around and find that positivity. It's too far to fall again.

sar big hand hold, it is too early for symptoms, don't believe everything you read, big hugs

the clinic have emailed me back saying they are concerned about my age and the quality of my eggs :(

Sar don't read anything more now other than easy going books and magazines. Keep yourself occupied. Bake a cake. Go for a walk. The embie is nesting, take time for yourself now, you've done all you can. Lots and lots of hard work over the past few months. Oh you poor thing. It isn't easy is though. Loads and loads of hugs. You're doing so well. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way p.s. I had a small outburst about something unpleasant this morning and had that horrid feeling. I've just done the Zita West thing and feel calmer. Maybe try a guided meditation? I'm finding them hugely, hugely helpful. The one Critter posted is fab - xx

Buzzy I'm so sorry that you've had negative feedback. Big hugs for you too xxx

Sarlat, we're all here for you so don't feel scared on your own. It's far to early to tell if it's worked yet, for what it's worth I reckon mini sar is snuggling in right now and it's all the hormones floating around that's giving you the wobbles. What day do you have to test on?

Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I have done a bit of the relaxation cd and now making a carrot mash thing - I've calmed down, I'm a bit cross with myself for getting so worked up. . But it is so scary.

Mrs Den - told to test Oct 1st officially (18 dpo) but it will be more like 26th Sept. Thank you for your positive interpretation of my wobbley afternoon.

Buzz - thinking of you, I think you have lots in common with Nelly maybe? Please keep talking / letting off steam.

sar my love, keep the faith, in the immortal words of Jon Bon Jovi. As princess has said, be really gentle with yourself and your little embie. You've given us so much positivity - I hope you can shine some of that generous spirit and kindness that you so clearly have in spades back on yourself. I am thinking of you and sending you much, much reassurance and hope. Agree with princess's suggestion of maybe doing some guided meditation. I love the , but my sister also really rates Tara Brach - she has a list of guided meditations on her website here. By the way, thanks also for your suggestions about changing habits - a lot of really good food for thought for me.

princess I was so sad to read about your friend. What a horrible, horrible thing to happen. And so pointless as well. She seemed like a lovely person from the reports I read here. Good luck with your exam! I wish I could make the meet up, I'd so love to meet you all in the flesh. I'm back in London to see my family for a long weekend around Remembrance Sunday - a real flying visit - but maybe if we do another meet up in the spring I can coordinate my trip home with seeing you all.

buzzy The clinic are just covering themselves - my friend here in the US had three miscarriages last year and is now (at 42) the mother of a beautiful, perfect baby boy. Keep going. Massive hug to you - it's crappy to get negative feedback.

ten sorry to hear about the POAS woe. It's bloody frustrating having such long cycles. Before they disappeared post-pill, my cycles used to be like that - 6-7 weeks apart.

artemis I loved your advice on managing jealousy. I will remember that. I think it really helps.

coco sorry about the confusing brown snot. That does not sound fun at all.

doll thanks for the good wishes, and glad to have found another Kardashian fan! I'll be really interested to hear how your IVF goes, whether you go ahead with it or not. If you do, I think you have the right attitude by being your own advocate and making sure you're as educated and up to speed on all the options and choices as possible.

euro we missed you! Sounds like work has been hectic. Coming to the US, you say? Will you be on the East Coast? The weather is gorgeous right now - 20 degrees and sunny and crisp.

rum yay for autumn! I love this season. Sorry to hear that you're having a rough 2ww.

joy will check out that book tonight - I have a quiet night in planned. Thanks for the link!

Sorry to everyone else I've missed - all ok here. I went in for the scan this morning and everything was again still small. Lots of little cysts but no big follie, lining on the thinner side. The nurse said she'll talk to the doctor today about upping my dose. I remember that when I did get periods, they were far apart, so I wonder whether I'm just a slow follie-grower. I am reassured that the clinic seems to be being conservative, at least - the nurse said my doctor just didn't want me to 'take off' and hyperstimulate. Being back on the woo supplements and no booze/caffeine and reduced dairy makes me feel like I am vaguely doing something, at least. I just need to be patient. I even turned down a vanilla cupcake yesterday at work . And DH said I looked like an old pro, 'like Florence Nightingale' with the injection last night. In other news, his SA came back and apparently was 'wonderful' according to the nurse. So at least that's one thing I don't have to worry about.

Tail feather shakes to all.

sar - massive hand hold and sorry you are having a wobble. I think suggestions above are excellent. Meditation, find something to try and take your mind off it. You have done all you can now and little bean will be setting up home. Positive thoughts. Massive hug too. And i loved your ideas about the simple to mega changes we can do. It reminds me of some actress who once said that they move their Oscar around the house because if you leave something in one place for a long time, you don?t notice things after a while. So moving things makes you notice and appreciate things you have.

buzzy - which clinic has told you this ? the one in Czech? Well screw them. Every year Tens of thousands of women have babies through ivf and they?re older than you...and I expect all of them were told their age and their egg quality wasn?t good. There is so much doom mongering out there ? and until you try ivf , you just can?t tell. Also, i use to write notes around the place to remind me to think positively and to use my time wisely so just as mad as you it would seem!

princess - can you divulge the title of your AIBU thread ? i tried looking but failed to find?

frannie - it?s nice to know you are still lurking and lovely having you pop in. Really best of luck with this round of iUI. It?s so glamourous isn?t it? I?m sorry you are feeling like a number rather than a person ? it really surprises me they haven?t concentrated more on your pcos and thought about giving you clomid. And talk about plucking stats out of thin air ? 4% , where did that come from?!

gin - i didn?t realise you nearly ended up in A&E last time...what happened ? I?m not surprised you are getting the dreads ? i am getting the dreads and I am not starting for several months yet.

doll - i really hope you get to crack on with ivf.

critter - good news about MrC?s SA. At least that?s one less thing to worry about and now you can concentrate on growing your follies. I tell you it really reminds me of this woman in this book I read. Her follies would not grow, she didn?t have periods in about 7 years and then one day she got pregnant naturally and so after everything, she just popped an egg by herself and that was it. Her periods returned to normal after giving birth. You just need to grow that golden one and you??ll be away. .

Joy Here you go.... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1566768-To-ask-you-all-to-sign-the-No-More-Page-3-petition

euro if I pull my finger out and book it I'll let you know.

sar I hope you are keeping yourself busy, while baby sar gets settled, I'm not sure if nelly was thinking of doner eggs, as far as Shehata is concerned my FSH, LH and E2 were all fine for my age. This clinic does alot of DE IVF

coco Charlie isn't fussy, he'll still eat the custard pies , sorry you are feeling crap :(

gin i'm not surprised you are worried, its a stressful situation to be in, especially when it is what stands between you and your dream

lemon thinking of you

rum fingers crossed for you, autumn is our favourite time of the year, main reason we got married in October

critter will they up the dose for this cycle or is this it until the next one??

joyce thank you it was just a shock when I read the email shouldn't read personal emails at work for this reason I will try with my own first, I'm going to ask for an AMH test too, although not ovulating this cycle doesn't fill with me confidence

princess I read some of your Page 3 thread, well done you - you are so articulate. I am going to sign that petition just because I didn't like those bullying blokes on the thread!

buzzy wow, good luck with the AMH test - it sounds so scary to me. If I were you I would definitely want to try to use my own eggs first. And maybe you didn't ovulate this cycle yet because of stress... the last IUI was bloody stressful for you.

lemon how are you?

joy thanks for the hopeful story. I do feel that if I could get my body to ovulate again, I would be ok. At least I'd be in the running. I don't know what else to do... in the book, was there something that the lady did differently? Sometimes I wonder whether my inability to ovulate is caused in part by subconscious stress at having moved so far away from my family. My sister's periods (which are pretty much identical to how mine used to be - ie, spaced every 6 weeks and accompanied by spots) have always come back after she stopped taking the pill. And I wonder whether if I had just waited, and done more woo, they might have come back on their own accord eventually. Then I could have maybe skipped all this crap. But I was so frustrated waiting and not feeling like I was doing anything. Hey ho.

The nurse just called and they are upping my dose to 112.5 iu, starting tonight, and then I will go in for another scan and blood test on Monday morning.

I am knackered. A long time ago I once found freshers week fun! Not so much now, I have worked myself into a pit in the ground. Normally I get chance to do sneaky phone checks at work but not recently and as my work computer is heavily monitored, logging into mumsnet isn't an option unfortunately. So continued apologies at crappy name checking but I did do a little read.

sarlat hand hold. It must be up the wall crazy times but hold in there. I find your advice that ivf isn't last chance saloon so helpful and the same is true for you. I'm sorry the transfer had a bit of a niggle. But it sounds as of all was sorted nicely with a little change in canulas. My cervix is an embryologists nightmare but three top dogs have now told me that it is ok, not that rare and they will sort it. Sadly there are always scary things in the Internet badlands but try try not to look at them. Big big love to you and little frostie. Your posts are always so soothing so trying to send soothing waves back to you. I'm loving the changing small things advice.

buzzy ignore the egg comments. I'm sure is just standard.

frannie how comes 4 per cent? That seems so specific?! Fingers crossed for IUI immaculate conception

gin I can so understand your fears. I currently can't even drive past my hospital! I fear that ivf won't ever happen for me as I'm so traumatised by this summer. But I'm sure such complications are so rare and that your next go will be a totally different experience.

princess how awful that was someone you knew. It's in my neck of the woods and so sobering. I like how your meditations and things have helped you into a mellower place. I have found that lifting the harsh time pressures off myself has eased things. A bit.

critter your egg will come!

doll wow so soon for ivf. I'm feelng very hopeful for you. And all the autumn winter ivf ers!

joyce I must scroll back and find this book you speak of. I was sad to hear of the lost neals yard oil! I confess to being a total beauty junkie. It's bad. I spend a lot of money on my skin. But I figure I've little vices left.

I am sad too to see pout wander from our little festival. pout it makes me think of the end of labyrinth... I will see if I can find a YouTube link.

mrsden sorry to hear you have been in the tent. You have had a lot of waiting and that is so hard. You've done amazingly and the next bit is nearly here.

lemon continued loves.

Well I'm pooped and my lovely husband is making me homemade pizza. I have nothing to report in regards of making babies. I feel entirely barren. I invested a lot of hope that it was fibroid or gunky tubes but apparently no, things are just generally and mysteriously fooked. This is a blow but, I'm trying just to focus on the fact that after Xmas I can experiment with clomid and have ivf next year. I feel trapped in my job with no hint nor sign of maternity leave or justification of part time work. But in spite of this I'm not in the tent. Just like one of those learned helplessness pigeons I learnt about once in psychology. Poor pigeon.

Wave to wedding nelly and USA bound euro and anyone else I've rudely missed, soz.

Buzzy I meant a standard email they send out!

sarlat I'm glad you're feeling calmer but I don't think you need to be angry at yourself for having a wobbly! I think they're entirely normal under the circumstances. But do be gentle with yourself.

Thanks buzzy. I hope you get some good news soon, it sounds like you've had a particularly tough time of it recently.

And thanks critter. Thinking good, growing thoughts for your follies.

Mixing wheatgrass with carrot juice is a terrible idea. I ended up drinking the most unappetising brown sludge that looked rather alarmingly like poo. The joys!

Oh rum I've ended up with many a poo juice. Enjoy!

X-post rabbit, bollocks, I'm sorry, that barren feeling sucks. You did make me giggle with your learned helplessness pigeon, though. Excellent black humour. And well done surviving fresher's week!

critter i'm a bit scared to have it done, don't really want to but feel I have no choice :(

rum thank you

rabbit sorry about being so busy and feeling barren :( The email was a response to mine and she did ask other questions, they do alot of DE but its 4500 euros

I feel like a lurker, it took me nearly an hour to read since my last post.

Just a offering a hand, a shoulder, or my mysteriously shrunken (to their usual quite significant size) bosom to everyone who needs some support. First of all sar, no you won't have symptoms yet, and I am keeping everything crossed little sarbie is sticking. Mrsd sorry about the miserableness, and was it critter with the grump at OH, I do that too. A lot recently. Although I didn't pop in last night because I needed to finish some work (made a massive deadline today, now life will start again, I hope) and then actually cuddle with DH. Since I've been bleeding for about 10 days now, and before that I was paranoid preggo, he's been missing a bit of love and attention. To be fair his needs were tended when I was paranoid. But no more after we first found out I would miscarry, which is 2 weeks ago today...

I'd love to pop in the chimp-tent, but mine seems a bit sad and quiet at the moment, so too scared to mingle with the custard tart throwing brigade.

Missing you already pout!!

I found the comments about little, medium and big changes quite insightful on the other page, sar. So thanks. I did some of them spontaneously. And we have fresh flowers in the flat, thanks to my mum. I've decided that the new life (re)starts from the weekend. We have the appointment to check everything is gone tomorrow and if it is okay, I'll start exercising properly again and plan some fun things!

Princess I am really impressed with your approach, the thought of having to face my child-free future just makes me recoil. So I am in awe at describing it and having peace with it. I did think of you when I was reading some philosophy on the train.

Have a good time in the USA euro!

OMG at starting IVF so soon doll.

Just waves with quite subdued tail feathers to all of you!

Waves everyone, I too havent manager to post properly lately, but I love reading bits makes me feel much less alone. Super squeeze to Sar and Buzzy.

Heres my contribution for today. I was having a real downer moment and thought of Jon Kabat Zinns approach which he describes as 'moment to moment non judgmental awareness'. Anyway you just have to focus on something real in your environment - I was outside so mine was staring at the trees and repeating to myself 'leaves are green', and thinking about the leaves colour, texture etc. Anyway it seemed to really help chase the darker thoughts away and move on a bit. Just something else to try.