TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Morning ladies!

Big squeeze and good luck at Create to buzzy. I am always shocked that numbers vary so much! They haven't done my FSH in about 15 months, but then they do look at the AFC every IUI (at the baseline scan). I don't think I want them to check it again, the reduction to numbers joy mentions is just crap. But take heart from the positive stories. It is possible, but it does sound like proceeding sooner rather than later is good.

Oh my, you are being thrown continuous curveballs aren't you, sar! In a way an akward cervix would be much better than implantation failures, I think. But hiss boo to 12 week wait, an op, a 6 week wait. I really admire your bringing up the hydros and asking for a lap, if they are going to knock you out anyway. Also impressed with the no shit attitude to work. I have found my IUIs, at least the first two, very painful. The last one was a bit better (because I had a full bladder, why did no one tell me that before) so I think mine are difficult due to the bend rather than the size of the cervix.

Glad you are out of the tent a little rabbit. And your teas sound wonderful. Hand holding if and when needed!

The collective jizzing of MrFree and Ken made me giggle. Fingers crossed for good scores and well done on getting the follie big enough for IUI! Handing some tissues to gin, hope you'll feel better soon!

Have a good time at the meet, especially with princess discount (yay for nausea, feeling fat and the occasional treat of the diet). We are off for the weekend, hence my not even trying to meet. The next steps are two cycles natural (one enforced by the clinic, cos people's cycles go wonky post-MC) and one because we booked two weeks off in November, when I was diffed. And then back to SO + IUI. As I have shown it CAN work for us...

Ok, back with preparations on stove for tomorrow's brunch craziness. Princess your suggestion for menu, very smart. Wish I had seen it sooner. I'm being ambitious but this and date night started out as part of the sar plan of doing nice things on IVF cycle. I just didn't think so many people would actually come. I'm loving the way not being able to count well has somehow conflated into me being a good cook. Thanks for the vote of confidence sar princess and artemis . By the way, am I allowed to ask 'who all' is meeting tomorrow?

So, dinner and movie went like this: Do injection hiding in bathroom from babysitter at the last minute to avoid the time being too different from normal. Sat in traffic, circled for parking spot, ate fast in empty restaurant before 8.30pm movie. Move car to mall, run to cinema were we find the film had started at 8pm. In seems here you can't check the start time of a movie a day ahead of time 'cause they change the times at will. Lesson learnt.

Poor Ken! This morning he said that he would likely have to wank in the loo once at the hospital lab. Get away, says me. They put him in the toilet stall! No interesting regional porn for me to write interesting anthropological articles about at all. What he had for company: audio - the sound of the staff laughing and stapling (yes, stapling, specifically mentioned, thin walls I guess) visual - the signs on the bog door for completing urine and stool samples. Every man's dream.

artemis thanks for the comments on the counselling, interesting to hear about and glad it was helpful. Clearly not on offer here though likely a good idea what with the bog wanking.

buzzy afghans are a type of biscuits, Google tells me. I read yummy Afghans. Whole different issue. Again hope things go well today. Good that Gin is here with experience of the place. Gin what happened? Was/is it thrush? Did you call the clinic?

sar just wanted to say that as hard must be to process all this new information, it's down to your tenacious and smart questions that you are moving forward. Because that's what it is in the end. Also clearly your approach in the interview worked. I do my better interviews in that mind set, I think.

I'm off to stir my pots. Waves to all. x

Afternoon all,

Buzzy I'm sorry that you got bad numbers back yesterday. I think the other ladies have some wise words for you. I really hope you have had a positive appt at Create. I really hope you change your mind and come tomorrow. Big hugs xx

Doll oh poor Ken (love the name in a very kitsch and sarky way) I showed Mr Princess your paragraphing about having to spaff in a jar in the toilets and he was and said that he would have refused! I must admit I caught the end of your post above before reading fully and well I'm off to stir my pots had a wholly different meaning in my mind for a nano second!

Sar I am totally impressed with how you handled that doctor. I like how you took control and took firm control of the situation You probably won't see this, so I shall tell you when I see you tomorrow :)

Euro we're sad that you can't come too but totally understand family commitments. Have a lovely time at your BILs. My 'rents are in London tomorrow (I only found out yesterday - they appear to be enjoying 'child-free freedom' after 31 years!) and I may have a little visit before I get the train home tomorrow if I have time. Mum's champing at the bit to see me and check her baby (me rather than sea monkey) is ok.

Freedom woooooooooo for the folliie! I hope you got the specimen to the clinic safely this morning :)

Rabbit how are you feeling today? I bring an amazing almond and strawberry and banana and manuka honey smoothie and a couple of luxury truffles to the tent, just in case you are still there :) I love the sound of your dinner last night. That sounds amazing. And you reminded me how much I love cottage cheese. I think that's a bit random? I've not met anyone who loves cottage cheese. It's especially good with chopped tomato on a jacket potato. Mmmn cottage cheese...... I also think you are more on the money with swan feathers than turkey feathers

Well, I can't WAIT to see some of you ladies tomorrow. I'm sure there will be a full update after we have had our wild time in Laaaaaaandeeen. I'm sorry if anyone is getting sick of my updates. I think I will be moving to 'lurker' status after the weekend as I'm starting to think that maybe my presence is inappropriate and it's time to move on. However, I seem to have quashed the nausea today with double M&S sandwich (yes two boxes of sarnies ) today - prawn mayo and egg, tomato and salad cream. I feel like Mario when he finds a magic star in Mario Bros....do do dooo do do da dodey dodey (ok maybe I'm only Nintendo gamer geek on here, in which case that makes noooo sense at all )

Big hugs to all, tail feather shakes....et al xxxxx :)

just a quick update, I wasn't impressed by Create, they seem very disorganised and chaotic, not the calm environment you want for IVF. They were running extremely late 45 minutes but never said, lots of people walking around but not alot happening.
Had the scan and as I expected it was not good and sorry ladies but high FSH is not good either. That along with my and age low ovarian reserve means my chances are low, about 15%, blood flow was ok to the uterus but not so good to my tubes. I certainly didn't feel reassured about anything nor did I learn anything new he slightly turned tack when I got upset but I felt it was all a bit late by then. So not really sure where that leaves me other than feeling as deflated and miserable as before.
They wanted to do an AHM test but they had pissed around so much I had run out of time
They also seem to contradict alot of what Shehata and his team had said, NLC were more organised and calmer and more positive but so much more expensive.

euro my advice don't go on a Friday afternoon and make sure you don't have any appointments booked for afterwards, I was there for over 2 hours

Buzzy I'm sorry it wasn't great. FSH can indeed fluctuate, but I guess the problem is that a high level might mean exactly what it says on the tin. For some people it changes and for others it's the true result. I guess we're the unlucky ones. . The thing is there's still no direct correlation with how you will react to drugs. For instance when I was being talked through the risks, I scoffed at OHSS but was told that you really don't know what will happen. I took that as a good sign .

Gotta go but big hugs.

nelly I've had SO so know how I will react to the drugs, he said looking at the amount of stimulation 225 gonal f that I would need alot of stimulation

Just popping in to give buzzy love and to chip in my two pennies. It really fucks me off (sorry for language) that ivf clinics can feel so impersonal. You need to feel valued - this saddens me so much.

Believe me anyone who reads this, I have done extensive academic research on fsh. My own mum used to assay fsh levels for her job. After my cd5 9.5 level last year I was but I want to add what I know because most likely hundreds of women read this board for info and never post and I'm concerned to see an fsh in the 9 mark being talked about as bad, a let down etc.

The nhs limit for NORMAL is 10.2. The worldwide categories have below 8 as good and 9-11 as fair. Many of us in here are in our mid thirties - this isn't groundbreaking that we are moving past the realm of good is it? It isn't peri menopausal by any means. It might not be ideal but it certainly isn't game over. I'm sure clinics would like us to have below 8. Less work for them, better results. But it's only just creeping past the boundaries of good - so how very dare they push the blame - its their job to figure that one out.

Fsh fluctuates. A lot! Tis true that your highest is an indicator of the direction of ovary happenings but guess this - there is a massive room for error in the results depending on the person screening, the time they have to check and so forth - (explaining some of the fluctuations according to my mum).

Let's face it. The bottom line question we want answering and the test we really need, but doesn't exist is 'will I ever have my own baby?'. Frustratingly this doesn't exist. No one knows. You can have an fsh of 82 and and amh of 0.5 and terrible sperm motility but one month, who knows when or with or without treatment, you might do it. Or you might not. We just don't know. And that is the very most hardest thing of all.

These are trying times for lots of us on here but lets keep the fighting spirit. Babies couldn't care less what our alphabet of hormones are and there is no finite answer of what algebraic equation of fertility equals a baby.

I am sorry I won't be at the meet up tomorrow or to dolls brunch. I'm sad to see you moving on princess. I hope that's because it feels less necessary more than feeling you are being inappropriate. You feel like an old friend now so I don't feel that in anyway but I think I understand. I did actually feel quite when I read that. You will be missed.

mrsden still thinking of you!

It is Friday. At least there is that!

doll your Ken is a hero performing under such circumstances! I know men who simply can not do it outside their own home and have to rush their samples from their bedrooms to the lab because it's not possible to do it any other way (who can blame them). DH just barely manages him but only with the assistance of his own porn stash on his iPhone (and I think it helps that the receptionist is cute).

buzzy I'm sorry your appointment didn't go as you would have liked it. This is such an important thing and finding the right fit where you feel comfortable and feel like you can trust they will do the best job for you is important. Do you have any other options where you live or will you try to continue with them? Do you trust in their abilities a least? Where I live poor bedside manner is the rule rather than the exception so we have to get used to it but a lot of times they do make up for it by being very good doctors and I guess when it comes down to it I want a good doctor who I can trust more than someone who is nice and makes me feel good (although both would be nice)

rabbit thanks for the information on FSH. I hadn't done much research on it myself and that was very interesting reading.

AF is here. No real surprise, but I've no idea why this cycle as been so long. Just to mess with my head probably.

To add to the fish discussion, mine was 8 which the dr said was "very good". Those were his exact words.

I'll try to post more later. Enjoy the meet up, looking forward to hearing all about it later.

Fsh, not fish! I have no idea what my fish level is.

Aw I'm sorry mrsden long cycles that tease are horrible. Thanks for adding your fish knowledge. I'm officially very blue today. I don't know where to go from here, don't feel I can face anymore hospitals or messing with and clearly the big op has not helped me. Feeling v sorry for myself but nothing I can't pull back from. Will hide in the tent and post later this month when I feel a bit better. No point dragging everyone else down. Enjoy the meet. I'll be back. Just not for a bit.

Rabbit so sorry you're feeling so blue. Understandable with what just happened. Sending big hugs.

Mrsd so sorry for the AF and wtf cycle.

Doll I am super impressed with the brunch. Wish I was there to sample! I am also very in awe of your low key approach to IVF and the whole protocol question. At the end of the day neither you or them can be sure what would work best so why not go with the flow. I agree with Sar's advice about planning nice things, but I would also say there's something to be said for not taking on too much - give yourself a break through it too.

I am having a normal day. Am on a train colouring in my moustache, and off to meet some people I met on the internet to talk about our sex life. Yep, standard day here! Can I admit im really nervous?!

I am jealous of the meet. Think I might be one of the few (uk based) that's hasn't met any of you! Virtual kisses from me.

So sorry you are low Rabbit. Give yourself all the time you need. But where do you go from here? Well you keep having sex, and you will have a sticky one before you know it.

Buzzy hang in there. People respond differently to the same drugs in different cycles. Don't lose hope.

IVF is now paid for. Well some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard . We had another cheating shag last night. MrNs idea, then he suddenly said " oh I need to wear something". I told him over my dead body. We compromised on non sperm friendly lube. Oh the glamour

Buzzy the clinic can make such a difference. I felt a lot happier at the Bridge than Eastbourne. Can you go to more open days to shop around?

its the cost cosmos some places are outrageously expensive by around £2000 we are just not in that position and no help from the NHS.

mrsd sorry about AF its is a total head fuck when your cycles go awry

nelly I haven't met anyone from on here at your cheating shag

rabbit big hugs I feel we are in the same boat

enjoy the meet up ladies

oh no, heart no, no, no!

Big hugs to you and I'll say the obvious that spotting doesn't have to mean anything. Try to be strong until you know for sure :)

oh heart, I really hope the spotting means nothing. I'm keeping everything crossed for you.

rabbit I'll join you in the tent. I would be feeling fine if it wasn't for this crazy cycle because I'd got used to the idea that nothing would happen before we start ivf. This cycle has set me back. It's probably the hormones but I feel a bit teary today.

I shall join you in the tent with some banana loaf

heart I really am so sorry you are having spotting, could your GP send you up for an hcg test, its a bit crap that EPAU won't don't that for you and put your mind at rest, big hugs

Hi posting from phone so sorry this is short. Heart - how frightening 4 u with spotting. But as others have said it doesnt mean this is the end. Buzz has good idea about getting blood test. Its all so difficult and worrying. But we r all here holding yr hand. Let us know how things go. And thank u 4 yr brill advice re tubes and lap. Wil talk more about it all when back from weekend away.

Rabbit- sorry u r in the tent. It has been such a turbulent month 4 u im not surprised u feel down. But dont lose faith, u r getting closer and closer.

Thanks 4 a fab meet up 2 the lovely ladies yesterday. I really enjoyed getting 2 know u more and think u r all 100% fab.

Buzz - hope u feeling a little better. There is loads of reason 2 b hopeful. X

Hello ladies. I hope you had a lovely meet up yesterday. It's such a shame the MIL's visit to BIL clashed with it.

mrsd I'm sorry to hear that AF arrived.

Buzzy that's not good. Our appointment is early on a Thursday morning, so hopefully that will avoid some of the problems.

Heart I am sorry you are spotting.

Doll how annoying about the cinema.

I had a very nice time at BIL's. I was expecting his daughter (2.8) to be really shy around us but she was incredibly affectionate from the minute we walked in. There were a couple of emotional moments - niece squeezing between me and Mr euro on he sofa, insisting on holding both our hands as we walked along. I couldn't help but wish we had our own. It gave us a little window onto what it would be like.

Unfortunately I now have a stinking cold, so I am home and feeling sorry for myself. I was hoping to have my first run in a fortnight today (after injuring my knee) but I am far too snotty for that. Meh.

Hi ladies! It was so lovely to meet some of you/ see some of you again yesterday. I don't know what the neighbouring tables made of our conversations, but I loved it and it was sooooo good to be able to talk about it in RL with people who understand. Thanks so much for organising princess.

euro sorry to hear about the snot. Your niecelet sounds adorable. Hope to see you at another meet up!

I really really hope the spotting has subsided heart. I can't offer any advice but have everything crossed that this works out for you.

Oh mrsd I was so hopeful for a ironic pre-ivf diff for you. Also, selfishly, it would've given me some hope for our situation! It is utterly shite, but you are so near to having a real chance with the ivf.

rabbit hugs. You do not bring the Fred down and please do post whenever you need to.

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience at the clinic buzzy. They are massively rubbish at keeping to time, particularly with consultations. Did you see Geeta or someone else?

nelly when do you start injections? Well done re the forbidden shag!

doll I did at your account of ken's adventures with the jizz pot. There is no way mr gin could have done it in a public toilet. He was horrified at the porn selection in the clinic's masterbatorium - it was, er, older lady porn apparently! Hope your brunch went well.

lemons do you think you'll get some iui in before Xmas?

joy wishing you lots and lots of good luck for tomorrow. I hope you ate feeling ok today. You will be fine and have a certified clean, sparkly womble.

I've been trying to think of another name for mr gin. Seeing that I haven't taken his surname in real life, it does seem stupid to use it! Hmmm, Gordon's maybe? Although I want something easy to type, so may just go with the totally unwitty, but short, Dave.

Well a huge box of drugs arrived yesterday, just as I was leaving for the meet up. I think they've given us far more than we'll need -certainly more than we used last time- which is annoying. Stupid clinic. Just waiting for my period now sigh. Thrush seems imminent but I'm still ignoring it and hoping it won't properly develop. Anyway, another huge box also arrived yesterday, containing my new winter boots, which is much more exciting!

gin no we didn't see Geeta, she did say she would stick her head in but didn't. Are they disorganised with the actual IVF, I don't think I could cope with the unnecessary stress to be honest.

Heart how are you doing today, i hope you're ok. That must be so scary but hang in there.

Hi to everyone from the meet up yesterday, I loved it too. It was soooo great to talk about all this stuff to other people who understand as opposed to the usual one-way conversations with other people in RL. I have to say my over-riding thought when I came away was that I can imagine things working out for every single one of you. You're all lovely, great, caring and funny people and i just hope that at some point further down the line we'll appreciate the crap we went through in some way.

Joy I'm sorry we didn't end up talking about your lap, hope you are feeling ok about it?

Euro that sounds adorable with your niece. Sorry about the cold and injured knee.

Nelly I agreed with what Artemis said yesterday that the worst part for me was making the decision and getting started, once actually started the process kind of sweeps you along with it.

Hi there, so I've been mulling on yesterday's meet and how nice it was and also how much braver it made me feel as a group - and I wondered if anyone would be up for going to the Fertility Show? I've previously thought a big event like that would be awful and it would be DH's worst nightmare, but I think if a few of us were up for it it might be quite informative and helpful you never know, and if not then just an excuse to meet up. Its on in London 3-4 November, so not much notice I'm afraid, but its £10 entry, plus lots of different seminar talks for £1 each by people like Zita West, Marilyn Glenville etc. I think I'd really like to hear talks on nutrition and coping strategies, plus maybe get an idea of things to try next. I think Sat the 3rd looks like it has more seminars on than the sunday. There's quite a few different clinics exhibiting. Anyway let me know if you'd be up for going.