TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Oh bugger rabbit - I just came here to see if there was any news from you. Completely unreasonable situation. I hope you are not reading here and successfully distracting yourself.

Lemon, Rum and everbody - "thank you, thank you" for coming to my rescue. I really needed to hear kind words and some reasurance that we still have a chance. I cried reading your words. I think I will have to accept I feel rubbish rather than fight it.

Frannie - I had forgotten about the Kate Grainger thing - I don't even remember writing that on here but I guess I must have. Do you know her too? Yes - I am crapola at taking my own advice . My next appointment is Thursday - I think that is part of the problem. I am grieving for the FET and then when that is beginning to settle I have pre-clinic anxiety nerves building up. However, I can't blame anyone for that as I pushed for a fast appointment. Frannie -your nephew is a superstar.

Buzzy - you sound like a different woman - I am so glad create have given you back that all important hope. Keep hoping - the kayla cuddles are helping you too I feel.

Euro - my temps skyrocketed this morning too. I think my temps take 36 hours to rise. I am pretty sure I ovulated on Friday early evening time. Also, ovulation takes 36 hours for me from the first smiley face. I have smiley faces for about 24-36 hours. Must be somthing in this time frame for me. Hope we both caught the egglets. I have been taking a leaf out of Princess's book of rear entry tactics every time this week.

Rabbit - sorry for the dissapointing BFN. There IS still a chance that the witch won't come and you will get a belated BFP. However, I don't want to fuel your mentalling and torment so it is sensible to be level headed and expect your period to arrive which will help you feel better about it if it does come. But the good news is - it sounds like 'something was happening' this month. Bodies can alter month to month but this month was significantly different for you. It is very very common to have a failed implantation (she says laughing at the irony of the advise she is giving out) so please please do take hope. Give you womb a pat on the back so to speak and keep on trying. Also - what did you do this month that might have been different? Was it the extended swi due to the darkening pee sticks? Big big hugs, don't give up.

Whilst writing some updates to Euro about my body needing 36 hours to ovulate after the surge etc it got me thinking about a few things from my IVF cycle which may be helpful to others. Basically, bodies are unique and don't always do what it says on the tin. The Dr's can be quick to box us, especially during IVF ( maybe that was just my Dr's) but worth remembering if you have a "fear of God moment". One good example of this is that I was told I have a low antral follicle count, but I also have an excellent FSH - a bit weird. Also, I needed high doses of stimming drugs during IVF to get the follies going which suggested they weren't functioning all that brilliantly but we appear to have got more eggs than they expected, fertilised at a high rate and made a good few blastocysts which is also a mis-match. So for every scary AFC, AMH, FSH score, there is every chance that your body is still doing what is normal for it - hope that makes sense. Also, my mum told me (so it must be true) that women get a massive surge of hormone around the age of 42 which is the body's way of having one last attempt at pregnancy. This is why there is an increase in conception in women just before the menapause - I hope this gives some comfort to ladies in their late 30's and early 40's, And it you want proof - my DH was born to a 42 year old mum (and 56 year old dad). I am pretty sure she will have tried without using contraception her entire married life and there are 4 years between DH and his older brother. I bet she didn't expect to get pregnant when she did.

Ok, time to try and prepare (badly) for this interview again. To be honest if I don't get it I can't see me being that upset - no pain can touch me after all this TTC malarky.

Have a good Sunday. Luffs Ya's. x

Oh - one other weird IVF thing about me, they say follies grow 1-3 mm per day. Well mine grow 1 mm per day and then 5 mm in one day 2-3 days before ovulation - weird. Maybe I don't need high stimming drugs - maybe that is how they grow. Who knows. Hope this info is helpful to someone.

Oh arseholes rabbit absolute arseholes. No wonder you are mentalling.

sar I think it was you (but maybe not) who said about the Katherine grainger 'journey' (vom) to get gold, compared to other Olympians. I don't know her though. Really hope Thursday brings you some positive steps forward.

Just had v preggo friend round. She has absolutely everything she needs until the baby is about 18 years old months. I can't imagine ever having that confidence. I want it to be me

Oh and good luck with the interview sar xx

Afternoon lovelies!

Just popping in pleased to see both buzzy and sar in a bit of a better place. But feel free to off-load, if need be. Anytime. Massive good luck for the interview sar!

So sorry rabbit. I hate BFN hobnobs, which is why I didn't test, which is just as well as the period from hell arrived overnight. It is exactly a month since MC, so my body seems to be quite quick getting back to business, and I did notice roughly when I ovulated (and we did not shag close enough to feel like we even had a chance to get diffed) so I am actually okay about it. Just in a bit of pain. I really hope the last of the MC's wallpaper (as I always call it) will be cleared out and we'll get to get a few spring cleaned natural goes before my next treatment cycle in December.

Well done to your nephew frannie. You must be very proud of him!

Waves and hugs and ladles of meaty stew to anyone else needing a bit of extra iron. I am cooking, the house smells lovely :)

Hello ladies, hope everyone's having a fab Sunday.

Nelly you must fall off the wagon most spectacularly for the wedding/honeymoon. Oh yes indeedy, you must! And haha at not being pregnant because you're not drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Ah yes, if only it were that simple. And sorry about the announcement. I had one first thing today. Woohoo!

Buzzy haha! Yes our kitteh does exactly the same - surely the other kibbles must be better than the ones already in the bowl! Bless her, Kayla sounds wonderful. And the day at Create sounds like it went really well, which is great news. A fertility MOT sounds a really good place to start.

Doll good luck for your appointment on Monday, as well with all the other stuff that's going on.

Gin hope the night out was a good 'un! And hope you enjoyed the . I certainly did!

Bugger, rabbit, that sucks. Still, like sar said, it sounds as if generally positive womble things were happening this month? At any rate, I hope you've been managing to distract yourself nicely anyway.

euro I love reading the BESH threads. They're wonderful. But I'm nowhere near witty enough to join in, so I'll carry on lurking

sar I hope the rearguard action was the lucky ticket for you this month. Also, I think you're right, numbers and average stats aside our bodies are unique and there is still room for hope. But of course, that doesn't make the disappointments any easier to bear. Good luck with your interview prep.

Bollocks frannie, I think we'd all like to be in your preggo friend's situation! And your nephew sounds like such a wonderful trooper.

lemon boo-hiss to a painful AF, but hurrah for your body sorting itself out so quickly. There's also yummy cooking happening here, but by the hubs, and I'm not allowed to peek as it's a surprise. It smells good, though!

So, I got a text first thing this morning from one my friends announcing his wife's safe delivery of their 2nd. Sigh. Thankfully, I'd recovered from yesterday's strop, so it didn't throw me much, but this child's conception was (successfully) timed down to the millisecond due to her job. If only we could manage that! We'll be meeting the newborn next weekend. Which I'm currently looking forward to as I love that newborn smell, and they know about our difficulties and were wonderful when I told them, but my period's due next weekend, so we'll see how I'm feeling about newborns with AF in full flow!

Also, another friend has just told she's just gone into early labour. She's quite a good friend, so there shall be much hand-holding over the next little while, I expect. Again, which I don't mind at all (she also knows about my situation, also wonderful), but, yuh know, can I win a baybee sometime soon and join in the fun please?

Still working, dullness to the extreme, but did get out for a marvellous country walk in the sunshine this afternoon. Contemplating more wine, though with work I shouldn't really. It's a slippery slope, taking one step off the bandwagon. (Also, massively mixed metaphors, but nevermind.)

Evening all.

I do sometimes wonder if I lack some kind of maternal gene. I've never noticed the newborn smell that people talk about it. To me, babies usually smell of wee, sometimes mixed in with sour milk. I am completely baffled when people talk about drinking in the lovely newborn smell. Maybe it's like some people having taste buds that mean to them coriander and brussels sprouts are extra bitter. I have an extra-sensitive sense of smell for the less nice baby smells and that overpowers everything else!

I've had a lovely day out with my friend and his little boy (and his heavily preggo wife - but she's allowed as it was not an easy win) - London Aquarium, lunch and then retail therapy. :)

sarlat I think that's a really good point - we are all individuals and our bodies work in different ways. If only drs would take note. Some GPs are even adamant that everyone ovulates on day 14!

It sounds like we will be in the 2ww together sarlat!

euro at the baby smells, you've got that maternal gene :) I don't really notice much of a smell

sar I'm sorry I thought I had responded earlier to you but did not :( is your IVF with the NHS?? At Create they said two things one is that you need good blood flow to your lady bits and that they sometimes do uterus scratching, obviously not its scientific name but its where they scratch your uterus to help with implantation, I have heard of women who have had this when they have had a hysteo. I'm not saying this is the answer but it could be something to think about. Fingers crossed for the 2ww for you and euro

rabbit sorry about the bfn, big hugs

gin I hope you had a good time last night

frannie one day soon it will be you :)

well CD43 and still no fecking AF, very very little spotting come on you bitch. Oh I also got a delightful email from a woman who I met on a different website a year ago, she is now pregnant and has turned to coven quite quickly, she has just berated me for not being supportive etc etc, I've told her stop being selfish and to piss off

waves to everyone :)

euro I think if there's any gene, it's a gene for liking the smell of amniotic fluid, 'cause I'm pretty sure that's what newborns smell of. And I've liked that smell for quite some time, long before I got remotely broody. And that's my rather disgusting overshare of the day.

rum we don't judge here

Oh rabbits, how confusing. There is nothing worse than seeing just that one line after daring to hope. Temp up and no af is still a good sign though. Are you certain about when you ovulated?

Frannie. How old is your nephew? He sounds like a real trooper, I'm thinking of him and you. How are his parents coping? I know how stressful and helpless it feels when a child relative is sick, children can be so tough and resilient though.

Cd34 for me and no af. I will not mental over this. I had ewcm yesterday, which as well as getting around ovulation I also get a couple of days before af so I think she's on the way. Strange, there's no spotting yet though . . .

Euro, I don't really get the newborn smell thing either, they smell of sour milk to me. I spent a bit of time with my friend and her 3 month old on Saturday and although I found him sort of cute, I hated the way he sicked up milk every 5 mins. I had to change my clothes when I got home because the gone off milky smell was following me.

Morning all!

New-born smell: I always think that is how they smell the five minutes after bath before first puking, which is just clean (and a hint of that stuff they wash babies with, help me out here).

I really like children when they start to be a person, with a personality and preferably some speech. New-borns are okay, just in the amazeballs that this came out of her alive way, and in the joy of the parents and stuff. I noted with my hated SIL that just the baby did nothing for me, it is about the happiness and welcome surrounding those first few days. Oh and rum we need a puky emoticon for the thought of amniotic fluid smell with my breakfast

On other news, I am knackered but I slept through now the crazy progesteron has left the body. Restless sleep therefore is not so much a pg-symptom but a high progesteron one. Working back from when AF arrived to when we started doing the deed again, there was no way in hell there would have been a meeting between the necessary ingredients whilst both alive. So whenever I whinge about disturbed sleep, the only real diffage symptom for me is absent periods.

How annoying buzzy. I hope AF will turn up soon (or tempt you to test positively) because this is NOT fair!

Waves and pets to all of you!

Morning all,

I have to be quick and will do a name check later. But, Sar I'm sorry you are having a tough time, Rabbit I'm so sorry about the BFN. I was really hoping. Is there still a small chance tho if AF hasn't turned up? Buzzy I'm glad it was a positive experience at Create and the New Born smell debate - lovely out of the bath but mostly sour milk burps and vile poo smells...

Nothing of note here. No news is good news. I'm 6+1 the furthest we've ever got. And I'm feeling viciously sick this morning. Phew phew phew.

Waves and loves to you all. I've been lurking over the weekend but not really had a chance to input. I'll be back later :)

Morning all!

So glad I could have been of help, lemon, putting you off your breakfast and whatnot. And thanks, buzzy, that's very reassuring to know.

Boo to all the missing AFs - I hope that means a veritable tide of updiffage is upon us...

Hurrah for 6+1 and nausea, princess! Not that I generally wish nausea upon my worst enemies, but in this situation it's a wonderful sign.

And who knew baby smells were so controversial? My nose is clearly broken. I also love the smell of petrol.

I'm very much enjoying an outlawed coffee and croissant this morning. Yesterday we booked a trip to Paris for a few days just before Christmas, so I'm feeling all sultry and chic, and flaunting my woo rules with insouciance. We also finally got our arses in gear and booked the unrefundable flights for a holiday in February which will be vairy tricksy if not nigh on impossible should I be pregnant. Whatevs. What are the chances, it's not like that's been the case for the last 2 years! So sparkly bikini and feathered carnival costume, here I come!

Waves to everyone.

Congratulations Heart. I'm so glad fall has proved such a fertile time for this thread!

lemon I'm so glad things have gone back to normal for you so quickly, that gives me hope too. It took my friend 6 months to get her cycle back which would be such a nightmare. Cheers to stripping the last of the wallpaper and exposing the fresh, new, healthy walls underneath.

princess so excited about your nausea. That sounds very promising!

I'm feeling myself again for the first time in weeks which is good. Time to move on pick up my life again. I'm not going to TTC this month as we're supposed to wait 1 cycle anyway and I kind of need the break. So no temping or opk's or anything, it will be a weird cycle anyway due to the MC so that stuff will just drive me crazy anyway and we really need to get back to enjoying dtd just for the pleasure of it, not for TTC. So this month will be for relaxing, enjoying each other and picking up the pieces.

Sar ? i was so sad to read your post and also wanted to copy and paste Lemon?s response as I couldn?t be so eloquent. You have been a tower of strength and support , offering advice and information to everyone on here and you don?t deserve to be in this position. Also this is the place to share what you are feeling, no one on here will ever be thinking you shouldn?t be feeling like this because you are young and got good embies so please don?t feel guilty. No pregnancy brings a huge amount of psychological stress what ever the issues are. Feelings of being humiliated really resonated as this is what i feel any time anyone asks me that dreaded question. Massive hug to you and i hope this week is slightly better for you.

Katherine Grainger was Cosmos? analogy ? in fact Cosmos, if you are out there, I hope you are ok??

Frannie ? your nephew sounds amazing. What a horrific thing for him and his parents plus your family to have to go through. I really hope the clomid works for you and you don?t have to do ivf. Also I totally understand about the confidence thing with your friend having all her baby stuff ? i don?t think i would bother getting anything for a nursery until the baby was born.

Buzzy ? i am glad Create went well> I?m interested by the poor blood flow ? how on earth do they work out whether you have this or not?. I really like the sound of ivm. The success of this isn?t great though is it? sorry that AFhasn?t turned up for you...that?s really annoying. Were you on a stimulated cycle this month or something?

Rum ? at amniotic fluid> I have never noticed this cute or even disgusting baby smell people are talking about. I love a puppy?s smell but a baby?

MIssM ? i am glad you are feeling yourself again. it does take some time to get over it.

Rabbit ? i?m willing this to be your time.

Nelly ? i hope you are ok

Princess ? yay to the sickness, this is a very good sign.

I sat for an hour with a 1 week old in my arms this weekend. Trying to open up my body to the idea of a baby and all. Well fat good that did me as Aunt Flow decided to arrive pretty much straight afterwards ! I was desperately hoping for a bit of a miracle and I actually felt positive about it. My breasts were only mildly painful and started much later than usual and i was pretty cheerful ...so I was hoping. Damn. This time next week no doubt i will be a complete terrified wreck. Now AF is here, I already have butterflies in my stomach and I had been doing so well for the last few weeks. I?m desperately trying to stop all sorts of worrying thoughts going through my mind. I have taken the liberty of booking MrJ in for a sperm fragmentation test before my op but we will have to go and speak to a doc prior. So I think that?s it now for ttc naturally as this month will be out and so will next as we will be on a month worth of antibs and then ivf. shudder.

I want to echo everything lemons and Joycep have written sarlat. You're absolutely allowed to feel negative, I'd think it was strange if any of us long termers didn't have times of absolute despair. It's so soon after the ivf that you can't be expected to feel up and ok about everything.

Joycep, so sorry af came. Especially after baby cuddles, how did the baby smell??

Frannie, it always amazes me that people buy everything and feel so confident about everything being fine. I will never be relaxed even if I do get pregnant, I will expect things to go wrong. I have been thinking that I might not announce it until as late as possible if I do get pregnant, maybe not until after the second scan. Someone at work did this, I think because the first scan threw up some potential problems so she waited until the all clear so she was about 21 weeks. No one had guessed, her bump seemed to grow overnight after she announced it.

Princess yay and boo simultaneously for the feeling sick. Good signs though. I'd it sinking in yet?

Right, a proper post. But by cripes it's been busy on here over the weekend. Please forgive me if I miss out anything important.

First things first, I've sent a PM out about the meet up. If you are coming and you haven't received this shout and I'll resend the info.

Sarlat you are an absolute powerhouse of positivity, good advice, font of knowledge and ray of sunshine on this thread. Even on your gloomier days. If you need to offload, you need to do it here and let us repay your kindness and allow us to offer you our help and support. I am so confident for you. I know that you haven't had an easy ride, in fact, you've had an awful time of it, compounded by two failed rounds of IVF. That's enough sadness for anyone in their lifetime. I was so saddened to hear about the cause of your tube problems. It really resonated, not because I've been through it but because having MCs is terrifying. It's not fair that yours has caused all of this pain and sadness and ultimately a massive blockade to the one thing you want. But do not beat yourself up and do not lose the faith. I'm probably the last person you want to hear it from and our problems are very different but, BUT, BUT, you will have a baby. I'm sure of it. You have eggs, a womb and a loving sperm provider . Perhaps there is another subtle underlying issue that hasn't been checked out (immunes? NK cells? - I recommend talking to Dr Joy too) or maybe your perfect blastos just haven't been perfect enough. DH thinks that my body is uber fussy and keeps rejecting everything because it's not perfect enough. But the beauty / pain / miracle of babies is you never know when your turn will be. Like I said to Mrs D, this time and anxiety and hopelessness makes our babies all the more special. I have no guarantees that this one I have at the moment will stick and I could so easily be back at square one any minute, hour, day.... you don't know what life holds. But I can only be positive and look after myself. The same goes for you. Keep being positive and gentle and kind and filling your life with wonderful woo and treats until your time is here. I can't wait to give you a big hug on Saturday. But for now have a big virtual hug xxxx

Joy I'm so sorry that AF arrived. And after sniffing babies too. Massive hug for you too. I'm sorry you have all the scary appointments coming up. I'll be thinking of you all the way through. Hugs xxx

Buzzy I'm so, so, so, so glad that your Create open day was positive. I was also horrified about your online friend who has gone over to the coven. That's not acceptable. I can't ever imagine 'going over to the coven' even if this one works out! I am for you. I will always remember what I went through and offer nothing but kind words and support to those going through an MC, a long time of TTC, or just having a difficult time with life in general. I guess this has been compounded this weekend because I feel I have been royally dumped by some of my close friends who are all pregnant together. Even my best friend who I was supposed to meet for lunch yesterday but had a better offer of free opera tickets. In her defense she did try to move lunch forward to 'squeeze' me in but TBH, I wanted quality time with her. I don't want to be 'squeezed' in, especially when the date had been chosen to fit in with her diary, on a day where we could spend the afternoon together (with other friends - also cancelled last minute, also pregnant) I was also planning to tell her my news. I'm not telling her until I'm 12 weeks now. She can wait like everyone else. I'm her friend for me and not for being in the 'preggo club'. I'm fed up of her always having something else planned so she can only see me for an hour, hour and a half max. I think she has been finding me draining and she's awkward about her situation. But I could never imagine avoiding or dumping someone, esp a close or best friend when they are going through a shitty time. Rant over, remember this is not an AIBU page!

MrsD I am 'loosely' sticking to the brown diet. So I am mostly doing all the stuff I have been doing, although I had the burger on Friday and a pannetone yesterday with lunch. But I am sticking to the old rules, because I'm used to it now, it keeps me... ahem... regular and I don't want to be a massive fatty. Especially if it doesn't work out.

Frannie I'm glad to hear the nurses are being more supportive now that they have got to know you. I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew, what a brave little boy. My cousin had cancer when we were 2 and he came through it. Apparently we used to play together really nicely (although I did whack him over the head a few times with plastic records) even though he was really sick. Children are so resilient. I'm sending loads of love and hugs and thinking of you and your family at this awful time. But don't beat yourself up about your problems. They still matter and you are still going through an awful time yourself. I expect your mum is just stressed out, that's the sort of reaction I get from my mum when she can't cope. I'm sorry you had to hear that. Please don't take it to heart. It's a horrible testing time for all of you. Anyway, besides anything else, it's nice to have you back. I'm sad that you can't make the meet up on Saturday and have to go to a stinky baby shower instead. I still don't see the point.

Lemon that's amazing that your body has snapped back so quickly.

Doll hope your appointment goes well today. Thinking about you.

Gin I hope you got totally plastered on Friday PiLs made dinner on Sat and I was a bit worried that they had worked everything out, so decided that I would join in and have a glass of wine. DH looked horrified. But I had one tiny sip, decanted half into DH's glass when they were out of the room and then when mum phoned took the glass with me and slung the rest out of the window I also hope you had a nice night out on Sat with no awkward questions.

Rum at your hot hot hot holiday! We too are planning a trip to Paris next year (left of 30th present that we've been too busy to use) in place of skiing. J'adore Paris :)

So, on this baby stuff / baby shower note - I am not planning on buying a single thing until I need a hospital bag. This has been my plan since the 1st MC happened. If baby arrives next year, I will be sending DH or a another relative to buy a car seat and a moses basket at time of arrival and nursery furniture later. I can't bear the thought of having loads of stuff to come home to and no baby if something goes wrong (we have known a couple of people to have still births). Baby showers fill me with absolute horror and perhaps are only indulged in by those who have no concept of 'what could happen...' I was also horrified by Downton Abbey - I can tell you - it didn't take my mind off what's going on and only put a new worry into my brain that I hadn't even thought about. The only celebrations we have planned to date are a private celebration if our 12 week scan is ok and that's to go and have cream cakes somewhere nice - maybe Patisserie Valerie or just buy some nice cream cakes from a bakery or M&S. This will probably be repeated at each milestone. Girl gotta have dairy at some point!! But that's just me and DH, not 20 friends with a colour theme and expectation of presents.

I'm off to go and have lunch and a bit of Kyle. Waves to you all, sorry to those not name checked. You are all very much loved xxxxxxxxx

OH EM GEE Downton Abbey! I just watched it over lunch, and I've sobbed so much I think I'm dehydrated. Bloody hell! That episode should have come with a health warning.

princess the trip to Paris is a 30th b'day present that I'm giving my hubs.

MissM lovely to hear you're feeling back to yourself. I hope you enjoy this TTC break.

Joy that will be me next weekend, snuggling a 1 week old with AF potentially just on the horizon. In fact, it's been me in the past as well, thanks to the fertility boom amongst our friends over the last couple years. And good luck for the next steps! They do sound scary, but I'm sure will prove to be nowhere near as bad as feared.

oh oh, should I skip Downton Abbey this week (haven't watched this weeks episode yet but I assume by the posts that this will be sybille related)?

Downton was rather horrifying but I did sigh when that doc told Matthew that anxiety is not conducive for making a baby. Uuim where have I heard that before?

Mrsd - I didn't notice a baby smell! But then I don't kiss them so don't get my nose too close. I am in awe of people who make them as I can't imagine my body being that capable.

Princess - eek at Dr Joy! I hope I havent been passing on my knowledge as something as medical fact as I really am dr google!
Anyway you have got a great attitude to this pregnancy . All you can do is be positive and hope for the best. And I think you have had your run of bad luck so this is now your time.

Oh rum sympathies about next w/e although I have to say I rather enjoyed holding a baby.

Joy both MiL and I had rolling eyes about the 'anxiety is the enemy to pregnancy' yes, big SIGH indeed. The 2012 equivalent appears to be 'chill out' and yes it still smarts that a top medical bod said that to me. Harumph. Still what did that doctor on Downton know anyway?! You are a font of very useful and carefully researched information. You have opened my eyes to many things I didn't know existed before. You are still Dr. Joy in my mind :)

I am now going to go around sniffing babies just to see what they smell like.

princess yay to feeling sickly, I slight defence of the so called 'friend' she has had 3 mcs and has other family stuff going on but she has now sent me two 'delightful' emails, I have now told her not to contact me. I am not her emotional punching bag!! Sorry your friend is caught up in her own world, its crap when people try to squeeze you in and are quite obvious about it

joy sorry about AF, glad you didn't mind snuggling the baby

rum Mr B and I love Paris

well AF has finally made an appearance I have never been so happy to see her!!
A woke to a loud thud, Kayla had managed to knock my box of drugs and vits off the shelf into her kitty tray man I talk about my cat alot, but she is lovely............