TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Sorry about the cry in your office rabbit. I know all about those. Have some plumb crumble, I had lots. But massive well done on turning around how you feel with yoga. Control is a difficult one, I discovered (doing my counseling home work, that my emotions are irritatingly irrational, and they just don't listen).

Yay, I see a pout. I miss you when you're not here!

Keeping everything crossed for the bloods tomorrow, princess, but it sounds like things are going well for you!

Sorry about CD1 nelly. Is it IVF, than marriage now?

Yay for starting to shift some of the weight euro. I have gotten back into exercise this weekend and now I really, really ache :)

That sounds like a productive meeting critter. Feather shakes right back at you. Do what feels right for you.

Hug to sarlat because it just a a touch and puzzling time.

Distant waves to the lady who knows what to do about bed-bugs, that sounds too invested to me

Here I feel a little better, I think. Although knackered because I woke up to wee and didn't get back to sleep last night, which was all DH's fault, but on the topic of irrational got me thinking that the last time I had this I was pregnant. Not likely, but hey, you tell me chimp that. She is on the loose.

Arrg nelly it's pants isn't it. Sorry and onwards to IVF. Princess you asked excitement or trepidation re IVF. For me I don't think either right now, bloody get it over with more like it even if it is to tell me my eggs are shit

Dear rabbit how are you this morning? I agree pink much prettier Critter it's interesting your post about the whole picture and waiting a few months. I would want to get on with it too, but you have the time and you will know you gave your natural cycles the best chance. I lived in NYC and my landlord told me that the reason that there are so many bedbugs is that European tourists bring them! (he is only about 12 though). The 'you can always adopt' comment is fucking ridiculous. I still get lectured all the time about the adoption by people who have no experience of it. Blows my mind.

By the way, I'm loving all the cooks and foodies on the thread. In other news I had the sex last night. Yep that's right. That's how babies are made. Had you heard? Waves to buzzy rum euro Mrsd sar lemon Artemis (are you my potential IVF buddy? What are your dates?) good to see you pop in pout and if you are out there MissM -take care. x

Just a quickie. Wanted to offer rabbit some boney hugs from me. You have been doing so well, but the odd crying fit is very much allowed. I think I'm doing fine and then it'll creep up on me, leaving me a big snotty weeping mess! I too found the 2 year anniversary really hard. I too think pink spotting 8dpo sounds like a good sign.

critter you sound much happier now you have made a decision. at amoeba reproduction! If only, eh?

doll I may be a ivf cycle buddy too. I got a :) on opk today, so period in 2 weeks and injections in 2 weeks, 1 day, eek. Oh and I must get my friends' kids some tampax, who needs dolls, cars, when you can play with tampax a la mini doll

Big luffs to everyone else. Who's coming to the meet up?? Am excited already. When else can I moan solidly about my ttc woes, with a bunch of ladies who understand and don't say things like well you can always adopt or oh the ivf is so exciting??

Oh Rabbit it's shit isn't it. For what it's worth, 2 years is still within the normal time range for natural conception, and given all the operations and messing about you've had you probably haven't really been trying for that time as you'll have had so many missed cycles. And this one isn't over yet. But the preggos at work just rub salt into the wounds. Keep on listing the positives. Hugs and I hope you feel better today.

Sar I hope the rash is subsiding. really not what you need. Hope you are feeling OK today.

Nelly bugger about CD1. I'm sorry. Will you start IVF this cycle this month? It looks like there will be a few of us doing the same, we can hand-hold. If you're doing the short protocol we might be on a similar timescale I think.

Yay Pout! I miss you too. Hope the not-mentalling is going better.

Euro I notice the transformation. Is there a full moon? Grr at having to miss the meetup. I'm sure there will be more.

Gin I'm glad you had a good time with your friend. I'm starting to see what you mean about people wanting to talk about nothing else - my mum's been a bit like that though I guess it's a bit of a shock for her. When do you start with IVF?

akuaba mini doll is terrific. I remember the tampax lady at school telling us that her kids made xmas decorations out of them. For the next 20-odd years every time I have decorated a christmas tree I think of her. Yes we may well be IVF buddies. I go this afternoon to confirm, and should start on Friday . Bloody get it over with is exactly how I feel. Trying to find a positive mindset, imagine my future baby etc etc . I can imagine not going to work for a year - really good at imagining that - but I need to work on the rest.

Lemon plum crumble, you sound like a true domestic goddess. I'll have mine with ice cream please . I do hope your chimp is right. Apparently for some women the first few cycles after an mc are extra-fertile ones. Fingers crossed for you.

mrsden good news on the job application, and good luck.

Critter yep, open heart . Your doctor sounds good. How helpful (and rare) to have someone go through all your history and explain things properly, no doubt at his big mahogany desk . I'm glad you've got to a decision that both you and Mr C are OK with. You may end up with IVF in the end but at least you'll know you've given it your best shot. I suppose it's immaterial but did he have any insight into why your periods never came back after the pill?

Good luck to all SWIers, rear entry or otherwise. Interestingly (perhaps) I found a reference in the book I'm reading about early modern women (I am such a massive geek) to an early 18th century belief that the womb was better positioned for conception when the woman was on all fours during sex. So Princess maybe you were blazing an ancestral trail . There hasn't been any sex here as we've been banned from SWI because of the HSG and now IVF (there's an alphabetti spaghetti mouthful for you) and neither of us has bothered to buy any condoms . One day, please universe, i would like to have a normal stress-free sex life . So no chance of an ironic pre-IVF diff, but lots of ironic EWCM. Typical, haven't seen any of that for months and months then when I can't do anything about it a year's worth arrives at once . Maybe Wendy Cope could write a poem about it.

Anyway. I must work. I shall be spending this evening with a lovely friend who's just been dumped by her partner of nearly 10 years and is understandably devastated. I'm taking it as a timely reminder of how lucky I am.

x-post Gin. I'm coming to the meet. By then i should've done a week of injections so i can't guarantee what state I'll be in... but I'm excited too

Yay looking forward to meeting you artemis! It'll be a few days before I start injections, so we'll be almost cycle buddies and can be menkul together. at your book. Am pretty sure that rear guard action would be too adventurous/energetic for mr gin...Even normal shagging seems a huge effort these days.

Hurrah for cycle buddies Gin. yes, it all seems like too much effort these days. Talking to a friend with teenage kids, if this IVF works I think I might be a pensioner before I get a normal sex life back... but then what's 'normal' anyway. People who do those surveys and claim to shag 3x a week year round for ever and ever surely lie!

Did your Dr give you a sex ban pre-IVF art ? I was asking about that on the thread a few weeks back. euro mentioned that there seem to be different opinions on it. It's kind of funny that I'm worrying about getting pregnant from having sex is this context though. Oh, I just tried to imagine buying condoms and using them with Mr Doll and giggled at the idea. Little Doll would likely find them and put them to better use. Water ballons?

Artemis they lie.

Hello ladies, i seemed to have missed a lot so apologies for not catching up on everything.

Princess ? good luck today.

Rabbit ? you have been amazing especially after you have been through so much . Having a wobble is entirely warranted and expected and we are always here in those wobbly times. Also I got that book that you mentioned...the pain one. if someone on here says a book helped them, I tend to go on to Amazon and check it out. I will be able to open up my own library soon. There is so much truth in mindfulness and i?m desperately trying to practice it.

Mrsd ? hurrah at the job application. It?s great to focus your energies on something else whilst you wait for ivf.

Nelly ? sorry about CD1 . We are all here to hand hold. You have so much going on at the moment, you?re handling it beautifully. One day you?ll book at this and think bloody hell, I got through all of that.

Gin ? i?m coming to the meet up. It felt a bit like a blind date last time which was funny ? i doubt it will this time. And it will be nice doing it in the middle of the day.

Doll ? loved your tampax story!!

Lemon ? I am glad to hear you are doing a little better.

Critter ? your doc sounds great. In fact your experiences always sound a bit more efficient, is that the US for you? are you feeling much better about things?

Artemis ? can?t believe you will be starting the injections soon too. It?s good a few of you will be cycle buddies.

Euro ? you?ve changed your name! Sad that you can?t make the meet up.

Pout ? it?s lovely to have you drop in. I hope you are doing ok??

Sar ? so sorry you have now developed a rash and haven?t been doing so well lately. The others have some good suggestions. hOpefully it will clear pretty quickly.

Went back to my lovely acupuncturist on Friday. Different acus can have such different effects. She says the fact that i?m thinking and fearing about not having a child about 80% of the time means my body doesn?t have any other energy. , She pointed out I was always living in the past or the future and fearing things I have no control over. Her point is I?m not living life in the present. I know it?s all terribly woo but I do sometimes think I have an emotional block most likely related to fear of miscarriage. Of course I don?t think this is the reason i?m not pregnant as this is all basically relax and it will happen but i have certainly been uncharacteristically positive and happy since seeing her. And i just feel if i can sort out the emotional strain , I will be able to get on with life whilst i wait for everything. She started pressing points in my shoulders and holding my head when the needles were in and after seeing her on Friday , i dreamt of ovulation ...really bizarre, this perfect egg with a massive weird blue halo was being released over and over again in my dream. Is this official madness I wonder?? Shame the dream was post ovulation but it was all v. Positive as opposed to all the anxiety dreams i have been having week after week. Trying to practice mindfulness and whenever I feel fear or envy or anxiety, I try to sort it out there and then. I will let you know when I crash of course!

Waves to everyone.

Akuaba yes we were told not to have unprotected sex during the IVF cycle, ie from day 1 until I start the injections on day 21, and I don't know for how long after that but presumably we would need to continue using condoms (if we can be arsed buying any) until after embryo transfer. I'll check that today. Apparently the heavy duty drugs are not good for embryos and they wouldn't know by day 21 if I was pregnant (ha ha fat chance). We couldn't swi anyway this month because of the hsg which is why I'm OK to start this cycle. The whole idea of condoms takes me back to my younger days when I was utterly paranoid about the possibility of pregnancy . Little did I know.

Joycep your new acu sounds amazing. I'm really interested that a different practitioner is having such a different effect on you. I need to renew my efforts to find someone different round here. I guess it's not that important whether they advertise themselves as a fertility specialist or not. The stuff about emotional blocks and energy is so interesting. Uncharacteristically positive and happy plus ovulation dreams sounds good to me!

I asked my Dr by email if I should avoid TTC in this cycle because of the drugs, he answered the email but not the question. Twat. Anyway, the deed is done and what are the chances? Ill mention it again when I go on Monday. Apparently complete lack of preparation is the name of the game around here.

Hi joy good to see you.

Joy your accu and your dream sounds amazing! I really hope this does it for you. I don't believe in the relax and it will happen. But I do think it's really great to be able to let go, just to get on. I found that the biggest relief from seeing the life coach, sort of, it's normal to be anxious and to be worried about all this stuff, anyone would be, but you have permission to let go, you are in control of your feelings and you have to start living in the moment. It sort of made me feel that I didn't have to feel guilty about a helluva lot of stuff. And it also taught me that you can't control any of this. I'm a control freak, so that notion was terrifying at first but then really liberating. It sounds like your accu is similar in her help alongside the needles. Brilliant! :)

Artemis I think you call it retro or vintage SWI That made me

Rabbit fingers crossed that pink spotting at 8dpo is something happening. Really, really hope it is! The yoga sounds great.

Critter your doctor sounds really, really amazing. And sensible. I can see the appeal of letting nature do it's thing for a couple of months. But equally I understand the need to get the feck on. I really hope that you come to a decision that you are happiest with.

Pout so glad you are still around. We miss you.

Nelly Sorry ERTD turned up. I was hoping for you, especially with all your woo. I have good feelings about your IVF - am I right in thinking your sister had IVF and a lovely little baby a few months later?

Lemon oooooo plum crumble. One of my faves. I hope your chimp is right :)

Gin I'm very excited about seeing you all (well some, and some others) again. It will be nice to have a day trip away from here at the moment with the house and the in laws :)

Less sicky here, boobs marginally less sore, sleeping really, really well and even had a nap last night after work for an hour. I wasn't really sleeping very well after we got the news last week, so it's a relief to be a bit more rested. I don't cope well with little sleep. I'm a 8 - 9 hours a night person.... Bloods done this morning and I get the results back this afternoon - so quick. Puts the NHS to shame! Plus I had my blood taken by a smiley, happy lady. I'm hoping for good news late afternoon. Please please please please please I keep feeling jumpy that things may go wrong but not in a total fear way, just in a please, please, please don't go wrong way. I've had a crampy tummy this morning and was fearing the worst but actually it was just the runs - nerves from the blood test. I'm trying not to analyse every little thing but it's all so I'm also seeing my life coach this evening. So I'm hoping we can work on staying calm again. I need that right now.

Big waves and loves to everyone. :) Sorry about the moaning, it isn't really. It's fear. I need to distract myself again. Back to my revision I go. I'm counting down the hours to blood results time. It's so nerve wracking!

Akuaba what they said was they weren't certain that the drugs would harm a foetus but rather than risk it they advise avoiding unprotected sex. What cd are you on? It does sound as if different clinics have different guidelines on all of this. There may well be an international IVF conspiracy to drive us all mental.

I've now started spotting, just to add to the fun . It's cd18 and I never normally get pink spotting unless to herald AF. I've checked back with the HSG info sheet and it says it 'may induce a period'. For feck's sake. Those of you who have had HSGs, did it interfere with your cycle or did AF arrive at its usual time?

Princess ? I? m sure everything is going to be fine. But it?s wholly understandable the fear. By god, you have been through enough already. I?m not sure how we can relax you. All you need is a peace of mind phone call and I?m sure it will be. Thankfully you only have to wait until this pm.
Did you just have a progesterone test and hcg test? Interesting about your life coach ? it?s all really along similar veins as to what this woman says. It?s so easy to forget that we are in control of our feelings and I?m working on trying to just let things go. Also when I start thinking about all my school mates with their babies and that horrid realization I?m the only one without one, I just try and say to myself I?m happy for them. it?s amazing how that one thought changes how you feel inside. Woo gone mad here!

Artemis ? I think it?s about shopping around with acus. I find their bedside manner is the key. my last acu is very well used by London ivfers but I felt it was another sausage factory. He was seeing 3 people an hour so he never stayed in the room. He didn?t bother to ask where I was in my cycle and I actually felt he didn?t care. It was just business to him. I also wanted to try out a woman and this lady is fairly old and oozes compassion. She sits in the room once the needles are in which they are suppose to do in case you feel faint.
And condoms ? I can?t believe I will have to stock up on them soon too. I thought I would never need protected sex again!

Wave at Doll.

Art - I got random spottig I think which I never ever get. I got gunk coming out some 2 weeks after the hsg. Could it be stuff just making its way out?

joy I didn't have the hcg test, just progesterone. I don't want to know what my hcg is up to - nothing I can do if that's dropping / low. I'll leave that one to mother nature. My HcG levels took a long time to clear last time I was pregnant and I had to go back to have two tests over a week apart to check that it was gone as they were worried that it wasn't lowering quickly enough (low enough to show MC but not low enough for their liking). Whereas with the progesterone, I'm expecting it to be on the low side but if it's under 40 then I can get some pessaries to boost it all up. Apparently, mine should be over 40 with 62 optimum (well, so says Dr Google). I never thought I would embrace woo in the way I have over the last year. I was very skeptical before and probably quite sneery. But I'm glad I have because it's been the best lesson in coping I've ever, ever had.

just a quick post as I'm home having lunch and a cuddle with the cat, not at the same time

rabbit it hard to stay positive and focused all the time, glad you feel better today, spotting could be a good sign, fingers crossed for you

artemis glad you are coming to the meet up

nelly sorry about CD1 but onwards with your baby plans, big hugs

princess glad all went well, my NHS got my results back that same day, but it does vary wildly, fingers crossed for later, its totally natural to be on the jumpy side

right off to work.................

Princess - that's the beauty of progesterone, it can be boosted if needs be. They can even give you a shot of it - I have read many a woman getting shots of it after ivf and that has saved the pregnancy.
Anyway positive thoughts that you won't need any of that nonsense.
Yes - I think I have learnt a valuable lesson too.

princess it seems very smart to just test for a situation that you can influence. Hope they give you a call soon.

Artemis you are dead right, it's a conspiracy. I guess it's hardly an ideal environment for a pregnancy to progress in and they don't really know so its likely in their interest to suggest no shagging. Where as in the wild west middle east we can do as we please Last year someone offered little doll a pepsi and a toke on a shisha pipe (yes, really) at a party. I'm CD 10.

rabbit you didn't check in today. You ok?

artemis I think my cycle was normal after my HSG, but I had no spotting or anything from it. They could have just been doing a smear with a bigger audience for all I knew about it.

princess it sounds very sensible to have the test and give your body a little boost if needed.

joycep I think I was seeing a different practicioner at the same clinic as you before? Mine always asked where I was in my cycle, studied my temp charts, etc. But she didn't stay in the room. The new one does, most of the time.

Your dream sounds amazing!

akuaba if you google you will find people who did get pregnant before they started the IVF drugs, and my old acu had some patients it happened to. I think it falls into the category of not ideal because there are never drug studies on effects during pregnancy (for obvious reasons) but it doesn't seem to be a major problem.

Wow, so many of you are moving to IVF at this point! Critter it looks like we could end up being IVF buddies early next year (if that is the conclusion you finally reach).

Yes thanks euro I remembered that you mentioned this. Good to know. Artemis forgot to mention, my cycle was normal after HSG too.

princess I am thinking of you and hope that you get good results from the progesterone test this afternoon. I'm sorry that you're feeling jumpy and I am crossing everything for sea monkey the third.

doll at little doll being offered a toke of a shisha pipe - that's hilarious! And somewhat terrifying.

artemis sorry about your poor friend - it does put things in perspective. I had a chat with my sister last night, who's feeling blue about being single at 35. I was trying to cheer her up, but you're right, it does put things in perspective. at the Wendy Cope EWCM poem inspiration.

buzzy waves, hope that Kayla is doing well and that you're ok.

gin not long now til you start with the jabs - I'm excited for you.

rabbit I'm silently finger crossing for the pink spotting...

sar are you ok? Thinking of you.

lemon hope you're hanging in there.

joy your woo lady sounds amazing and what an incredible dream. I'm so pleased that you've found someone so caring and wise. I think my doctor is especially good - he's a really clever workaholic, which is exactly what one wants in a doctor - but the efficiency in my view comes from the fact that it's basically like seeing someone privately. In fact, most insurance companies here don't cover IVF so the majority of his patients have to pay out of pocket. I'm just really, really lucky that my work insurance covers it.

euro Loving the new name. It would be nice to have a cycle buddy . I think that (somewhat grudgingly) I will wait until the New Year, but only because it's what MrC and my mother (who I am really close to) want me to do. I would so dearly love to go into the holiday season with a bean on board. I keep changing my mind, even though I know it's only, rationally, a difference of two months, I kind of think it's an excuse for MrC to delay things and I have almost no hope of things changing.

Great news, progesterone was 61 . No need to take any further action. Phew. Only bummer is that runs has now turned into feeling like the first inklings of the devils infection - cystitis. Loads of water and possibly another trip to the GPs for me tomorrow

Brilliant Princess sorry about the possible cystitis though, warm teas help me, hopefully it's just a bit of irritation that will go away.