TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Nelly have you been given proper info on costs and on what drugs you'll need? We've been told we have to pay in full at the consent appt but I don't actually know how much. I know the cost of the IVF but not the drugs - the nurse vaguely said somewhere between £400 and £700. I also don't know when I get to see the consultant to actually discuss the treatment which is a bit of a worry since I'm meant to be starting within a fortnight . I am far from convinced we're getting personalised treatment. It all feels a bit rushed. That is a far bigger worry than whether I've spent enough time off the booze. Need to ring them in the morning and find out.

It's rotten timing for you isn't it, with wedding bills as well. We talk about getting married but the cost of even a cheap wedding is just prohibitive. I couldn't cope with planning a wedding on top of all this. Hats off to you and a big tail feather shake.

ladies! Rude!

Princess, not rude, just fun

Artemis, yes I have. £600 or so. Mine should have worked as fertility assessment, then consultant, then consent. But I did consultant first as I'd had my AMH done elsewhere and wanted a second opinion.

The wedding is at least stopping me obsessing about TTC. Although people have been trying to scare me by asking if it works will I want to fly on my honeymoon. Answer; yes.

Artemis I don't think they can give you a precise amount for the drugs as it will depend on how long you have to be on them for. I know each gonal f pen is hugely expensive.

buzzy I agree that you never know what's around the corner, but that can affect younger people too. A friend of a friend died from ovarian cancer when she was 35. I do see your point though. But you have a long time before you hit 45! And you will get there before then. But for now, enjoy the fur baby.

Hi guys

Woke up to see the absolutely amazing and supremely exciting news from princess. I am truly beyond thrilled for you. Hurrah for the brown diet and rear entry! Seriously, you have done absolutely brilliantly over the past year, trucking away with the healthy eating and investigations into the meaning of life, and I hope you aren't going to leave the thread now you're updiffed, as you're always such a bright spot. In fact, I think this thread has gone beyond just being somewhere where we hang out while we wait to get preg. I hope we're all still chatting when everyone has their little ones!

gin sorry about the impending stressful visit. I wanted not to do the withdrawal but old spoilsport MrC insisted.

rabbit I loved the wee stick gallery, it actually made me snort out loud!

euro I can totally relate to the cycle of feelings that you describe. I find that it's much easier in the calm phase - what is stressful is all the tests and the crap and the obsessing that comes along with it. I've been thinking this about my IVF choice - either I will go ahead with it this autumn, or I will wait until February, but it's up to me how I manage this process. I can let my inner chimp mind run riot or I can take deep breaths and try to be as logical as possible.

buzzy parents in DC are ancient! I regularly see men with fully grey hair toting around toddlers. People seem to start sprogging in their late thirties - early forties here. I heard that the average age for a first-time mother to give birth at Sibley Hospital (the posh hospital here) is 38. I guess it's because it's so full of mega high achievers. I definitely feel like a spring chicken in my fertility clinic, at nearly 33.

artemis I had fully decided to go for it yesterday and then had a wobble after my mum said she really thought I should wait four months and let my body settle down first. It is bloody hard to decide what to do, but once you've made a decision, you will feel better. I am sure that IVF will be hard physically and emotionally, and it isn't what anyone dreams of - but life is messy. If this is our path, then we can choose how to approach it - whether to approach it with fear and constant over-analysing (which is what I do constantly) or whether to go into it with, in sarlat's words, an open heart. I have really found that meditation has helped me massively over the past few days, especially guided meditations when I've been in a state.

nelly Sounds like your scan went really well, which is great - nice to have some reassurance! It's very annoying that the wedding bills and IVF bills are coming at the same time. Talk about timing. Nice to see you back, but totally understand that too much chatting about TTC can add to mentalling.

cosmos I was wondering how you were doing. I know what you mean about the downgrading storm thing. I am always happiest when I'm in that mode - just trotting along and distracting myself from ttc crap. I hope you are feeling peaceful.

Hand squeezes to sar, missmedusa, and lemon.

Hello to doll - was thinking about you and wondering how things were going with the middle eastern doctor, and the ever entertaining little doll.

Flying is perfectly safe, Nelly, as you no doubt know. It's just important for you to keep mobile and move your legs on a long haul flight as your blood can get a bit more clotty during pregnancy.

I'm glad the wedding is providing a distraction. :)

Princess when your baby is an annoying 19 year old you can horrify him/her with tales of which position they were conceived in, like a far too open-minded friend of mine does with her long-suffering kids

Critter a clammy hand squeeze while you make your decision. TBH if I was five years younger I would want to wait. But the younger you are the better the chances of success. It's an impossible choice. As you say, the only thing to do is to make your decision, whatever that is, and go into it with a Sarlat style open heart. I'm working on that. I googled your meditation man and got loads of hits. Any advice on where to start for a newbie? I think breathing through my genitals might be a bit too much for a first time

artemis the gonal f pen is around 135 from care at home like euro said it will depend on how much you need and how long, 700 is about average I think

critter are these grey haired people parents or grand parents, thats what I don't want to happen to me, people thinking i'm the grand parent

nelly sexy flight socks will be fine and lots of ankle pumps for the blood flow

Artemis i was actually going to say that I will probably slur drunkenly at an 18th (if this sea monkey sticks) that I don't remember exactly when you were conceived but it was most likely late one Saturday night with momma being done from behind like a bee-aatch . And then I stopped myself because I thought that to be a little too much info and I'm starting to get ahead of myself . But you girls are completely unshockable and I am no way prude in real life, so I don't know why the prude internet front. I have been writing about asset backed annuities this afternoon and it has conjured a rather peculiar image into my mind.... Best of luck with all of your funding and big decision making.

Nelly I sorry that IVF and wedding is all coming at you at once. You've got such an amazing honeymoon planned, you'll enjoy it either way :) I'm impressed by your woo-ing but it is nice to have you back here. I was only joking by the way

Critter thank you. I really hope to stay friends with all of you too. I've been around for 7 months and you lot know more about my situation then my family and closest of close friends! What does Mr C think about going straight into IVF?

Sorry I'm being a rubbish name checker today. My heads a bit up in the clouds and I have real work to be getting on with too!

Thanks to all for saying that it's ok for me to stick around

critter is it not worth planning on IVF in Feb and giving the injectibles another couple of goes in the meantime? They clearly worked for you, but the dosage needs a bit of playing around with. Maybe starting on the dose you ended up on (so you are not on it for as long) might do the trick?

ooohh, well done princess fingers crossed and positive vibes for you. Very jealous at rear whatsits. CD3 here so on the drugs again gearing up for next IUI mark 2 if I can create a good looking egg in the next couple of weeks.

buzzy they are parents - tbh the total grey haired ones are clearly the dads, the mums are usually pretty groomed and chic early 40 somethings who wouldn't let their hair go grey!

artemis As a short intro, I would recommend some of the short guided meditations on this page. The three minute breathing space is a good one to start with as it is so short. I haven't done the chocolate one, but my sister tells me it's really fun - basically eating a bit of chocolate mega-slowly. JKZ's is great, and so is his - I promise it isn't too weird, the genitals bit is the only time they are mentioned in the entire 40 minutes! It basically goes through your entire body while you lie down, relaxing each part of you. The body scan you may well fall asleep in, so it's nice to do just before bed. I also found for fertility which isn't very slickly produced to say the least, but is quite nice in terms of the visualisation part.

princess great news that you've made the appointment for the progesterone pills. I will have everything crossed for a sticky bean. Your little one is going to be so incredibly loved and lucky to have a mother who has thought so deeply about all this meaning of life stuff. My parents say that they found bringing up me and my sister more filled with joy and less of a slog because of the struggle that they had in getting us, and I really believe that will be the case for you too.

MrC wants to wait until February. I asked him last night. Kind of embarrassed that I hadn't asked him before. I had made up my mind to go for it now, and then spoke to my mum, who told me she didn't think I should yet. I am really close to her, and also listen to her on all things ttc-related as she had such an awful time getting successfully pregnant with me and my sister, so I know she understands how crap it feels - and so I got upset all over again. My pros of going for it now are: I will still be 32 (although logically only 4 months younger than I will be in Feb, there's a psychological difference); I have two baby showers, my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Year in between now and Feb and know I'll be asked about babies at several of them; and that I have found the waiting for a period part bloody frustrating and my heart sinks at the prospect of doing nothing for another four months. My cons are: it would be really nice to get my period naturally and actually trust my body again. And maybe that will happen if I keep on a modified version of the brown diet and keep taking agnus castus - then, when we do IVF, I will know that we really gave the natural conception thing a fair shot. If I wait, I have decided to keep taking my herbal supplements and trying to be healthy but not totally living like a monk - ie, I will have a glass of wine if I want one, and eat cheese and yogurt if I feel like it, and drink a cup of tea in the morning if I feel like it. I'll do yoga, massages and meditation/visualization, but not acupuncture as it's expensive and hasn't worked for me in the past. Anyway - will talk to the doc on Monday and see what he thinks.

xpost euro - I will ask about that on Monday - thanks for the suggestion!

xpost freedom good luck with laying Shirley Bassey's golden egg!

critter its tough and its a big decision and its good you have weighed up the pros and cons, just see what they recommend on Monday but at the end of the day it is your choice, mr b and I don't want to be grey haired parents, I really don't want people asking or guessing if I am grandma or not :(

I'm still so excited for you princess and please do come to the meet up - you're our good luck talisman.

arte I'm trying to remember how much time I had off work for the ivf. During the cycle, I had 3-4 scans and some blood tests at the same time. At my clinic, I was able to schedule the scans early morning, so managed to get into work as normal. I had from EC to the day after ET off as sick leave (5 days in total) and then took a few days as annual leave. You will def need ET day and the day after off, but may well be able to work after that. I was too sore tbh and also my job can be a bit physical.

I can't remember who asked about price of drugs..I'm currently trying to source the cheapest! Mine will cost £400-500, on the mild protocol. A 900 iu gonal f pen costs about £300, but it's the most expensive one.

Hi nelly! I think we'll be ivfing at the same time. Your afc sounds great to me. Can't believe they wouldn't id the corpus luteum for you. At my scan this week, the dr said follies burst at 17-18mm.

buzzy am envious of the fur baby.

critter so sorry you have a dilemma again.

Waves to everyone else. Will post before my bloody phone looses this!

Quick post from me (I've been following the Board but hardly seem to have any free time to contribute - sorry!)

Princess just wanted to join in with the congratulations and sending you all the best wishes I have that it goes the distance (I too have an obsession with knicker checking - it's hard to accept something might 'stick' when you get used to loss in the early days - but I'm trying to stay positive (not always doing too well at that, but well, we're only human, eh?) P.s. loved the 'rear entry' - sadly, not done that for ages, must stick it back on the sex rota (once I'm brave enough to have sex again, which is probably likely to be after the 12wk scan, if I manage to get that far).

buzzy I understand your reluctance to be 'grey parents' I just wanted to add that my mum had me with she was 39 (i was the last of 5) and when I was a child I did have the 'is that your granny' comments and was mortified. However, being in your late 40s, early 50s 1970/80's is maybe different today, my sister who is 50 is terribly young looking, and has herself a husband who's 12 years younger, she looks way younger than my mum did at her age.

art when i had ivf i didnt tell anyone at work and used a combination of holidays (half days if possible) and the odd 'hospital appointment' for brief sessions and maybe some flexi (i'm lucky i get flexi). I just couldnt imagine telling my manager what was going on (the fear of the pitying looks etc) and my hospital was very local to me, so i was lucky that travelling wasn't an issue.

Sorry for not name checking everyone (I am realising I'm crap at being a contributor here) but you're all in my thoughts - many many waves

Gin it was weird, she measured it at just over 18mm and said "you sometimes get follicles that don't collapse when they should, it's normal, it probably won't be there next time". So I said we'll I am just past OV so could it be that, she said yes it could be the corpus luteus (sp) forming. Well great but isn't it your job to suggest that ( I didn't say that out loud!) anyway my google science felt that this was a Good Scan, that I'm not menopausal yet, and IVF had at least a fighting chance.

Congrats eth by the way (are we saying that yet??).

princess - yes please do come to the meet up but be prepared i may have to rub myself very close to you, to see if some of that baby dust will rub off. Well done for booking the progesterone test - i wouldn't even say extra progesterone is medicated or interfering , it just gives extra support and i know a couple of girls who it was vital for. But hopefully it won't be necessary at all.

Cosmos - i was wondering where you were. I hope you are ok.

art - i think i'm more nervous about telling work than ivf itself. It makes me shudder to have that conversation. I don't know what legal standing i have either. I can't expect my work to give me time off so i guess I will have to take holiday. I'm sorry about all the costs and wanting to pay upfront. I think my clinic expects you to pay as you go. You have your egg transfer and then pay.

critter - it's so lovely that you can talk to your mum about this and it sounds like she has given you sensible advice. You have plenty of follies- i mean 8 brewed just on a low dose of gonal so you have loads of time on your side but i understand the need to want to get on with things.

nelly - interesting, you have the exact same number of follies as me so i am going to say that is fabulous! Above the total of 7 that they are looking for. That number doesn't really tie up with your low amh but nor does mine. Many people have below 7 and may even just have a couple and they still get pregnant. It must be really full on for you at the moment with wedding plans etc.

Missed loads today - can't keep up.

I have booked all my Hep B and Hep C, HIV blood tests on the nhs today as my ivf clinic will need the results. Tyring to save as much money as possible where possible. I have my surgery date for my lump which is a week after my lap - what an awesome week. Open heart , open heart. And as Critter points out, obsessing and letting the chimp run riot makes this journey a lot harder so I am very pleased to have the opportunity for all this.

artemis and gin I have met my fur baby and she is beautiful, very tiny for a 2 year old, black with a few white bits, we pick her up tomorrow, not sure about her name she has been called pebbles but don't think that is her real name, just one she was given at her last place, think I might choose something else

princess yay! So so pleased for you. Everything crossed for a sticky one. I'm sure this is your time xxxxxxx

Trying to see if I can say hi before everyone wakes up this morning. Critter I think it was you that said 'life is messy' yesterday. Boy, yes. I was just thinking about the older parents business, before a realized we already are...Mr Doll is closer to 50 than 40. Actually I'm well past caring about all that, ditto for age gaps between children. It all seems like details belonging to other people's lives now; likely helps that we move in a less that uniform crowd is this respect. Artemis in answer to your question, I could be starting IVF in 2 weeks too. Lack of personalized treatment, well yes I have tried getting more information out of my guy by email to no effect so now just have an appointment which we will both go to and decide on the spot whether to go ahead. Far from deal but I don't see what else I can do. They haven't asked for money yet though.

I have had a terrible mentalling cycle, due to the three mature follies spotted on cyst checking scan on natural cycle. Long story short, I'm not pregnant and it feels like a line has been drawn under natural cycles. Honestly, if I can't get pregnant in that situation it seems hopeless and gives me concern over egg quality and IVF possibilities. But I'll just press on for now. oh, by the way I saw some pages back comments about late ovulation and egg quality concerns? Get I get that right? I was surprised as it's my understanding it's early ovulation rather than late that can be of concern. I can dig out a link if anyone is interesting.

Eleth great great news by the way, really hope this works out for you, sorry I didn't mention earlier. It's a bit messy here. Old people all over the place, secret IVF plans with doctors who don't tell me what is going on, secret mentalling over a non existent pregnancy I did a piss stick yesterday on CD 4 for god's sake 3 year old trying to jump off terrace, booze avoidance, failed Mr Doll booze policing arrg. Sorry for the lack of name checking. Loves all round.

Euro - hope the itchy scalp gets sorted. I admire your calm attitude to all this. You sum up the journey very well.

Gin - hope the visit goes ok. I am finding people I know are getting increasingly nosey and feel they have a righ to know stuff.

Princess - please please do come to the meet up. Won't be the same without you and please keep posting your updates and advice. Well done on progesterone test.

Artemis - sorry you feel 'funny' about IVF. Everyone's experiences are different but I found the injections very straight forward and no unpleasant side effects. I agree that if you want to do IVF it is far less physically gruelling then you might imagine. I needed about 3-4 visits / scans prior to EC. You need to think about having EC - ET off work at least. Partly due to how knackered you may feel after EC (although it isn't dreaful) and partly becuase you don't know when they will call you in for transfer). Can you book an appointment with the clinic counsellor to talk it through before gouing ahead? Or maybe do a pros and cons list. Good luck -you will get there. Also - you may be pleasantly suprised by your mums reaction - you are her daughter and she won't want you to be in any pain.

Hello to Doll - I hope you are well my lovely. Best of luck for this cycle. You just don't know what might be around the corner. Thinking of you.

Nelly the scans and the follies sound excellent! Have no fear! Sorry the wedding stuff is stressy. It is fine to take a break from the thread here and there.

Hello Cosmos - hope you are doing ok? Again it's ok not to post all the time.

Hello to Free and Buzz and Eleth also hope decision making is going ok Critter?

Joyce - well done on booking the tests. If it is any help, one of the clinics that I attend (work not as patient) we deliberatly set it up so patient's can come in and see loads of different health professionals and gets loads of tests done quickly. The theory being stuff gets over and done with and patients walk out and then get on with life. I think all those tests and procedures at once is going to be very intense and we are here to hold your hand but in other ways it's great to get it all sorted and not have it hanging over you for months. Will be thinking of you. Lastly, consider a GP sick note to consider your time off with gynae investigations as the reason.

Oop Buzz - new fur baby, how brill!

hello Rabbit - hope new term is settling down. Not long until half term. xx

Not yet managed to arrange a new consultant, been rushed off feet at work, but will try again today. At the moment I feel somber. Not crying, depressed, not calm, just sombre. Ah well.

Morning lovely ladies.
I'm going to take a little break from MNing. Work is getting busy and I'm getting a bit too stressed. Still going for weekly blood tests, CD48 and no ov yet. MrC and I are going to paint the 'nursery' room and I'm going to take some days off work so we can spend some non-ttc time together.
I will be back but I need to chill out and stop focusing on the empty womb for a while.
Big tail feather shakes to you all.

Coco xx