TTC for 10+ months, part 10

[princesschick]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Much love Princess I dreamt this last night. Try and feel as peaceful as you can. The most likely situation by a long long way is that you will have a healthy little baby in your arms in 8 months. More love.

PRcess - you're pregnant, woohoo! Congratulations and thouroughly deserved after that diet . I hope this is a thoroughly boring and non eventful pregnancy. I know you were once worried about progesterone levels, is it worth checking them to check you don't need progesterone pessaries to support pregnancy? I'm sure you don't. Please hang around yes and sprinkle some babybdust our way.

Princess - wow congratulations. You said you would get an autumn BFP! . This is the best news in ages and ages. I agree with what Joyce said about early testing maybes to ensure progesterone is ok. But there is every every every chance this is a sticky one. And please do stay around. xx

Princess - I have to ask that filthy, dirty question. Did you do anything different this month?

princess so exciting!!! Please please hang around, I hope this one is the one for you xx

Amazing news princess. I am so pleased for you. I understand how nervous you'll feel but I have a great feeling that this is your time. I always imagined you getting an autumn bfp.

Yay princess, I'm soooo excited and chuffed for you! I knew you'd get there eventually. I agree with joy about getting progesterone tested. And your prediction of an autumn BFP was spookily accurate :) Please do hang around and I'm looking forward to rubbing your bump at the meet up!

My phone is being shit, so sorry if I miss peps. Is anyone else having I phone/interweb problems??

buzzy I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. I don't know what to suggest, but just wanted to offer you big hugs.

mrsd. That's great about the tests. I think mild ivf is similar to short protocol. I started injecting with gonal f on day 2. I have to admit I was one of those people who thought it was doing nothing until the day 7 scan! I actually felt pretty good on the stims and had no side affects other than a bit if bloatedness and feeling permanently flushed towards the end. The surgery made me feel pretty shit, but as you know I'm an unique case. The 2ww was horrible. I think the scan will be to check for cysts etc to see that you are ok to go ahead.

artemis, some tough decisions. Personably, I wouldn't want to do it during a stressy work time. You will need time for lots of scans and you just don't know when you will need time off for EC etc. Would waiting for spring be too far off for you?

Well done for getting through work sar. It sounds like you are being very brave. I found work a good distraction. Too much time off would have allowed me to wollow in the ivf fail.

rabbit sounds like EOD may be beckoning for you, to help catch that elusive egg!

frannie what has happened to your nephew is horrific, but what you are going through is so so tough. Do be nice to yourself.

critter pleased to hear you are feeling a bit better about things. I think ivf is always a nasty shock, even when you've been thinking you may need it. I'd have been tempted to er not withdraw during sechs. Bring on the octo babies.

euro at sweating like a pig. Sounds like a good woo lady.

I have a lovely friend coming to stay this weekend and I 'm expecting an interrogation about the ivf. She knows we need it but doesn't know about the failed cycle. She is totally lovely, but has 2 kids and sometimes manages to say things that upset me, without meaning to. I think it's v hard for someone in her position to understand, but also to her it's the worst thing ever as she's a full time mum. I banned her from talking about it over the summer (evil gin), but will have to decide whether to fess up this weekend. Stupid infertility.

Thanks ladies. I'm booked in to see my (gold star) GP on Friday, and then I will have a think about progesterone testing. I'm not sure how I feel about medical intervention at this stage. But I am thinking about it and may book an appointment next week at the local private clinic. DH is very anti any intervention and thinks nature should take its course. I'm somewhere in the middle. I MC'd at 6wks2 both times so, this is the date that I am dreading --> 16/10/2012. DH has helpfully told me to "not think about anything" and "what will be will be". We also discussed how we are happy that getting there a third time, in our minds, proves that there isn't a mechanical problem. So if this does fail we will be looking at recurrent MC testing soon after. We celebrated last night by sanding wood. There wasn't any whooping, just my shaking hands and DH trying to prise and old window out of doorway, me showing him the test, him saying, so what does that mean, me, "well it means I'm pregnant" and he went, oh well that's good, and then continuing to prise window before handing me a sanding block and pointing at the wood to sand. I'm glad it was low key though as I'm terrified of an excited fan fare. However, all of your lovely words this morning have meant a huge deal and some brought a tear to my eye.

Sar the day I think it happened (as I wasn't really bothering last month) we DTD from behind ahem because of my retroverted uterus. It was also a lovely sunny day and I had rubbed sun lotion into my friends 14 month old in the park, had loads of CM (weird for me) and acupuncture. I also had some wine and forgot to take my vits for most of last month and had some treats away from the brown diet. However, I was feeling very relaxed from all of the life coach / chimp book / JKZ. But we did have the mega move and loads of social stuff and family things going on. I don't know if any of the above had any bearing on anything... (previously I've got duffed on my back, drunk, sober, taking no vits, not following any regime, being stressed, not being stressed...)

Gin That's tough with your friend. I find people who've had easy diffages v.difficult to relate to and hate their advice. But I was reflecting on this when my close friend broke up with her boyf the other week and I flippantly said, well you'll know when you've met the right one. And then thought, jeez that's really inconsiderate but I really didn't mean to be and then I tried to cover my tracks. I'm sure she'll be lovely if you want to confide.

Rabbit get shagging! That could be your golden egg. Sorry that you are feeling rushed about. Is work a useful distraction?

Buzzy I'm so sorry you are having a rubbish time. I really toyed with posting my news because I know you are having a particularly low point and I really didn't want to upset anyone. I hope you have a better day today. I don't know what to say but I'll extend a big hug to you and gentle hand stroke too.

Euro your new woo lady sounds fab. I hope she does the trick with the eczema. DH suffers with eczema but it has cleared up since we have been diary free and have switched to using 'organic potenized soap with vitamin E' from our local whole food supermarket. You can buy it direct online too - www.houseofmistry.com/shop/organic-soap-with-vit-e-p-15.html It's a shower gel, certified organic, no nasties, no perfume and his skin has never been better. I use it too because it has no scent, is cheap and is nice and moisturising (and good for shaving legs). He also found that Aveda products made his hair flare up really, really badly because they are fragranced. I'm sure you know all this, I just thought it may be helpful as it has taken DH years to find agreeable products! Hope you had another sweat free slumber last night. Oh and ETA for new place. Well. That's an interesting one. I said to DH, so maybe we'll move in 3 weeks? He said, that doesn't sound long enough and then I said, before we go on holiday (14/11) and he said, "that sounds realistic but we'll have to see". It's actually getting better here, I'm settling in and my anxiety has definitely reduced. I think it's just getting used to everyone and finding a happy mid-ground on everything.

Critter I big time at breathing though your genitals fnar I didn't get to that bit, I must have been snoring already!

Sar well done for being so brave with work. Glad that it was helpful. Hope you are ok.

Now, please say, and be honest, those of you coming to the London meet up if you would rather I didn't come if the sea monkey is still holding on at that point. I won't be offended and I'm happy to pass on the booking details to one of you. I would love to meet you all, but I don't want my presence to make things awkward.

Off into the world of work and ordering house stuff (and a large whip to get things moving a bit quicker at the house....) Love to you all and thanks so much again for your kind words. I'm still and don't believe this is real. At all.

Euro I meant to say his 'head' obvs he doesn't get hair eczema!

princess woo hoo! That's great news.

The weird thing is, I don't have eczema! Well, nothing that has ever been diagnosed anyway. I have just always had a dry itchy scalp. And actually, since ttc, I have a tiny patch of odd skin in the crease of my elbows. I noticed it after my first ttc blood test and thought it was a reaction to the plaster (I often react to them) but over a year on and it is still there, so maybe it is a touch of eczema. That doesn't bother me though, so I have never asked anyone about it. The scalp does bother me because it is so damned itchy and prevents me wearing my beloved black! Aveda didn't help. Oilatum seemed to, but I tried it when I was having the acu and since my conversation with my hairdresser, I am wondering if it was the acu rather than the product that helped.

rabbit bizarrely I do feel rather calm at the moment. I think ttc has stages, a bit like grief. First of all you are excited and hopeful, and then you start getting a bit anxious, then you are tied up with all the tests and investigations for a while, which is pretty stressful, then you start getting stressed and possibly depressed, and dtd becomes a chore, then you move on to treatments and become obsessed by the timing of scans and tests and interventions and the 2ww becomes megastressful, and after that, helped by the disasterous IVF non-cycle in some strange way, in my case at least I have come out the other side feeling much more like my old self, still wanting a baby but no longer obsessed by it. The grammar in that paragraph is terrible, but I think you can get the gist!

buzzy I really don't think being an older mother is a problem. It will be very different to when we were kids, when older parents were unusual. Loads of people are having kids in their late 30s and 40s now, so it will be normal. And think how young many people in our parents' generation seem in their 50s and 60s compared to one generation before. My parents and PiL travel here there and everywhere, do active sports and hobbies and are completely different to their parents at the same age.

Oh Princess wow.... huge congratulations , what terrific news! A win for the brown diet, great that all your efforts have paid off. You do realise you might now inspire a spate of rearguard action among the 10+ers . As you say it's early days but I'm keeping everything crossed for a sticky bean. Do stay though, we'll miss you if you go, and please do come to the meet

Mrsden terrific news that your genetics tests are OK and bloods are looking good. The timing's a bugger though, really tricky when your DH has to be away. The closing times over here are the lab rather than the clinic ? the hospital is still open but the embryology lab goes on shutdown. Interesting what your consultant said about physical vs emotional side. I am frightened of the physical side (I have already established I am a wimp) but particularly about the effect the hormones will have on my mental state. I?ve had bad experiences in the past with the pill and depression, and clomid made me feel dreadful. The nurse said that because of my age I?m unlikely to be put on the lowest dose of drugs which makes me anxious.

Freedom I?ve now got an image of your eggs bursting out of the follie like Shirley Bassey in a silver sequinned number and yodelling at the fresh- faced newly scrubbed sperm

Joycep that's interesting about the scratched womb lining. I wonder how many other simple procedures are out there that just aren't mainstreamed. It makes me cross that the NHS takes so bloody long to take on new research.

Sar I think I?ll be at Care too. What do they mean by ?full patient? ? do you have to be fully privately funded to get access to immune testing etc? Did you get through to the clinic about your appointment?

Buzzy how did you get on with the fur baby? I do think they help with relaxation, ours can be a pain and leaves fluff literally all over the house but I like having her around.

Rabbit your work schedule sounds exhausting! I hope it's at least taking your mind of ttc a bit. You should enter your wee stick gallery for the Turner prize . Interesting that your dark lines are lasting several days, I guess that's confusing when trying to pinpoint ov. Having read TCOYF I thought it would be straightforward but temping and ov sticks were always harder to interpret than they were supposed to be.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on my IVF dilemma. Joycep I can argue it both ways too which is why it?s so hard to decide. I agree that too much time to think is not always healthy. I could take a few months to try to get my head around it and be no nearer. I?ve known this was coming since January and am no more comfortable with the idea than I was then, so it might be best to get it over and done with. There is no real reason to wait, other than I don't want to do it - work's going to be difficult no matter when I start as I work on a range of different projects for different clients and there is always somebody wanting a piece of me. Those of you who have been through it, how often/how much time did you need off work? And were you honest about why? I really wouldn't want clients to know and have been mulling over pretending I'm having a minor operation or something similar to prepare people for the fact that I might need to change meetings at short notice. I've been struggling to work out the likely timetable, it's a much longer process than I had naively first thought. Critter if you go for it too we can clutch each other?s clammy paws

I guess I just need to get to a mindset where i see it as a positive way forward that could get me a baby rather than something horrid I have to go through in order to be able to drink wine at Christmas which is how it feels at the moment. I can't actually imagine being pregnant. Mr A and I were talking yesterday about what we'd do if we have a baby next year and it just felt hopelessly unreal. Maybe I've been thinking about this too long but the whole process of ttc and particularly the medicalisation of it seems so far removed from the end goal of actually having a baby I just can't imagine that happening any more.

Hi ladies, can't post properly at the moment cause my parents are around for a week and I'm busy with that. The week away was with my folks and Mr Doll's too and the whole thing, TTC-wise and just generally can be summed up with the refrain 'for fuck's sake', I will return later with some examples. For now my ten cents for Artemis which by the way is total projection. I relate completely to the 'thing I have to do in order to drink at Christmas'. My version says - go for it now. Hanging around worrying about lifestyle issues and trying to influence your partner can, arguably, be counterproductive and stressful. I believe you find the balance as best you can and stick with it the best you can, without driving yourself nuts. You find the time that suits you best in terms of your whole life, it's not all about glasses of wine and cups of coffee. Anyway, projection as I say. Back later. Oh and thanks for asking after me Artemis and rabbit

That's wonderful news princess. Congratulations!

Doll it's so nice to have you back. You've been missed on the thread. I'm sorry that you are having lots of FFS moments. I too feel a bit like that at the in-laws however, as I've said, it's getting better. And I'm here for the long haul so better just get on with dealing with it. I can't believe you dreamt about me last night. You are the main one responsible for bringing the tear to my eye this morning

On that note, where are Nelly and Cosmos ???

Hi Medusa I'm so sorry to read your news, I do hope your next chance comes very very soon.

And sar so sorry, even though they are belated I thought of you a lot over the past 10 days.

Artemis I didn't get all the way through, but I didn't need that much time off at all. One appointment to be shown how to inject the drugs. One more to check the downregging drugs had stopped. I would then have expected a couple more scan appointments during stimming to see how things were going if I had continues. But other clinics do a lot more monitoring - ARGC does daily blood tests, I know.

I had told work I was having a minor op (which is true - I just didn't say it was to extract eggs!) and that I would need the day of the operation off sick and would work from home for a day or two after that. But of course I didn't get that far.

I completely understand the thinking about drinking wine at Xmas!

Hi Princess I wanted to tell you something else regarding positive thoughts on outcomes. I'm hopeless on woo and meditation, I'm a bit simple, I think. But....when I had the alien removed I found out they have a 25 % reoccurrence rate I mentioned this to my doctor who replied "that's a 75% non-reoccurrence rate". Bad things are not always around the corner.

I'm here. Thanks for asking . And congratulations on the BFP, that's amazing news. Of course, you realise we all have to do the Brown diet now??? .

So sorry medusa, that must be heartbreaking. And sar too .

I had my repeat AMH last week (results not back) and my fertility scan. About 6 follies on each side. Most were small, one on each side about 8mm and one about 18mm that they said was ruptured. I asked if that would be my ovulation (should have been 3dpo ish) and she said maybe but they weren't checking that. Otherwise no cysts or fibroids and the number of follies is decent enough going into IVF isn't it?

I've been staying away as I'm finding the reading sometimes makes me face harsh reality whereas I'm trying hard to embrace the woo. It's not this thread, just if I stumble into any others I feel like I've been kicked by my hobble. I'm preferring blind faith just now.

Anyway as always bad form just to post about me. Wedding planning is a bit manic right now too though. Acu tonight. Not convinced. My ovulation was later this month (cd15) but zero cm. in fact it's disappeared since I started woo .

Better go but I'll be starting IVF at end of this month too. Lots of hand holding all round .

Much luffs

That all sounds pretty damned good to me, Nelly!

Woo hoo Princess so so pleased for you, that is very well deserved. Keep us posted.

Am sorry for those who had bad news, I often think of everyone, I so hope we all get there in the end. Have been feeling guilty about not posting more, but weirdly have been feeling somehow more like its not happening to me anymore. Cant explain. Like a storm downgraded. Internet probs dont help with posting.

princess congrats and of course you should share you happy news, not that it is any of my business but progesterone suppositories could make the difference between having a baby and not, they aren't that bad to use

nelly good luck with IVF

medussa big hugs, this is such a crap time for you x

doll welcome back

artemis we are meeting fur baby tonight

euro thanks I know its 'normal' for people to have their kids later in life but I personally don't want to be a 45 year old new mum, if one thing I have learnt from my job is that you never know what is around the corner health wise

princess woo hoo! Enjoy that gold tent feeling! Lovely news I love that your stripey stick is in your handbag.

Ok, well on the basis of my own neurosis and all of the advice here, I'm booked in for the progesterone test on Tuesday. It's only £40, that has to be peace of mind doesn't it?!

Nelly I managed to ignore the bit about the brown diet and fixate instead on rear entry shagging . Good news on the follies and embracing the woo sounds like a positive way of managing everything. I'm going to email my acu lady. I haven't been for ages and I don't think the actual treatment did me any good but she does offer sensible advice.

Princess I think i'd be taking the test if I were you, it's a simple thing to fix if you need extra progesterone and as Buzzy says it can make the difference.

Euro thanks for the info on appointments. I think I'll use the 'minor op' excuse, like you say it's not really a lie. I'm a planner so uncertainty over dates will really bug me but I'll just have to get through it. I haven't had any time off sick in 9 years and bend over backwards to accommodate clients so I would hope people will cut me some slack fat chance.

Buzzy I don't want to be a 45 year old new mum either. I will reach my cutoff point before then though I'm deliberately not thinking about that. One step at a time, as someone said up thread. I hope you get on well with the fur baby tonight.

Akuaba nice to 'see' you and thanks for the thoughts. I think you're right. Fretting about whether Mr A has had a beer after work or a spliff at band practice will drive me nuts. I need to stop over-thinking and just get on with it. There is a bigger picture here. Hope time with the parents is going well. Have you reached your own decision re IVF?

Now I'm just gearing up to tell my mum... I think I have to, not least because I will need to borrow money to pay January's tax bill, since the cash stashed away for that is now going on IVF. Payment up front is the shittiest bit of the whole process.

Waves and positive vibes to everyone

Oh I missed the rear entry bit

We actually delayed our consent appt because you have to pay. Worked out that my period is due a few days after so I moved the appt until I know this natural cycle hasn't worked. Don't let my woo lady hear that . Doesn't change our start time though.

It's rather horrendous timing that it coincides with the massive wedding bills too. Bloody money.