Happy New Year girls! Thought I?d pop in to say hello and wish you all the best for 2013. Hope you all enjoyed Christmas and New year.
Sorry to have been awol for so long, I tried a couple of times to post but I never know what to say. Thank you to those of you who sent me private messages, and sorry for not responding to them, and thank you to you all for still thinking of me when I?m not around. I think of you all every day and I lurk when I feel brave enough to.
I owe you an explanation of why I?ve been gone so long, a lot has happened so I will try to keep it brief?.. (!)
When we went back to the consultant in September, we were told that the next stage for us was ivf, but that the nhs couldn?t fund it (don?t want to go in reasons why, hope you understand). Obviously we can have the treatment if we pay for it ourselves. Was a bit floored, totally unexpected, but the honeymoon wasn?t far away so we just focussed on that. Had an absolutely amazing time on honeymoon, was just what we needed, got spoilt rotten by the hotel staff, dh and I just enjoyed each other?s company without worrying about anything or anyone else. Got back and I made an appointment with the gp in despair to see if they could help. Saw a lovely lady who took complete pity on me, wrote a letter to a fertility clinic on our behalf to see if they would consider funding or part funding treatments ? still waiting to hear, need to chase that up. She offered me anti-depressants which I declined, but she referred me for counselling. Have been on my assessment which was horrible, and am now on a waiting list. Need to chase that one up too.
Dh lost his job in November and hasn?t managed to find anything yet. Am worried about my mum who has left her partner and started a new job, has been staying with us every other weekend since November. I had a major run in at work last month with my old boss (now doing a different job in the same business) who is a complete cow and we have always hated each other, but she tried to get me into trouble and bizarrely everyone took her side, when I thought I was trusted and respected at work, I?ve been there for 7 years! Final straw for me, so am looking for a new job too. It?s been horrible for the last year now if I?m honest, but out of loyalty and probably stupidity I?ve stayed, but I can?t do it anymore. They absolutely take the piss, and I don?t get anything in return.
Then stupidly, am ridiculously upset at my laptop having stopped working on Monday, sounds silly but it?s my escape from it all, and don?t really have spare cash to be throwing at a new one. Also lost some photos and some other documents, dh managed to rescue the majority of it, but am kicking myself for not backing it all up, so my message to you all is please please if you haven?t done so, back up your precious memories and anything else important to you.
Lots of little things really I suppose, on top of trying to deal with the bigger things, feel like I?ve lost the plot and everything is against us. It will be 5 years this year since we first started trying, and I can?t believe that we are still in exactly same the position. Really struggling to just maintain a kind of ?normal? life when nothing seems to be going our way. I don?t expect an easy life, but a bit of a break occasionally would be nice. So I find it very hard to come on here, at one point I found it helpful and it kept me sane and I dared to wish and hope, but now it?s all gone out of the window, I feel completely isolated, I can?t join in with any stories, I can?t reassure the medium panters, I can?t even reassure the small panters because it?s a job and a half to look after myself these days. I hope this makes some kind of rambly sense and you know that I don?t stay away because I want to, its because I have to.
Wishing you all happiness and health for 2013 and more bfps where required.
xxxxx