TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Just a quick hello as I wait for my appointment. Afternoon got busy, but I'll reply later as so much I want to respond to. But huge squeezy hugs for now.

I hope I don't cry in my reflexology.

Evening ladies, I have not caught up, will do so now. But I had to tell you first that it is 15dpiui and no AF :) Official testing date tomorrow but and IC gave a distinct if not very dark line. DH spent the next forty minutes googling faint positives . I don't believe it, and won't until I get confirmation from the blood test, but it might just have worked. In any case, it is a stage we have never reached in our previous 26 months of TTC.

lemon this is bloody amazing news! Will keep fingers and toes firmly crossed for you that you get confirmation tomorrow. Yippee!!

Just catching up now:

I seem to have missed a newbie, welcome heart, I hope your stay is short and sweet!

at the wanking manager. If we have to deal with him again (and I really don't believe we won't) I'll introduce the term to DH!

Sorry you were hiding in the loo a few days ago nelly. Hope things have improved as I will find out!

Rabbit you asked whether no symptoms is usual for me, and the answer is yes. The first give away that something might be going on was the passing of time and the absence of blood. No spotting either, which I noticed ahead of time, but then I have had spotless months before The job is going well and is really fun. It kept me from obsessing today too.

So sorry about the thrush joycep. I think I might have some developing, and the only hardcore meds that help me are pregnancy-incompatible. So it will be all soury foods and no biscuits for the next few days...

I missed the 1 vs more children conversation, I am sorry it made you feel worse buzzy. I understand both views. I would really love 2 or more, but will settle for a single sticky one.

Thanks critter, you are my first official congrats. As DH just didn't believe it and I alternated between crying and pretending it was not happening. Beside you lot, nobody knows (except the counsellor I was seeing on Thursday, private expensive appointment cancelled, somehow the need seemed less )

Massive well done on more or less coping with the arrival of your baby niece after all you've been through nelly. Much respect. Also for The Plan.

Hope you continue to be okay care. A break sounds like a good plan. Thinking of you too.

YAY for ovulation and body becoming normal again, euro and well done for holding firm against the chop-happy gyno!

Hello teu, how are things now?

Wow, amazing news lemon. Congratulations! I think you're the first iui success on this thread. See, it does work despite what some doctors say! When did you first suspect it had worked?

Welcome back sarlat. It sounds like you had a fab holiday and got your head in a good place. Fingers crossed it will stay that way and you can deal with possible overtakings if they happen. I believe the next frostie will stick though!!

Sorry about the time everything is taking mrsd and GRRR at the woman saying to call when she is on holiday. No chance of having it taken just before you go away?

Sorry about the ERTD arrival combined with work making HSG impossible artemis. It is NOT fair.

So sorry about the BFN poutster. We still are cycle buddies, let's hang on to each other!

Well done on the level 1 tests joycep and I second spending the saved money on something good now!

Better post this, it has taken ages to catch up.

I had some inklings during last week, but I was stern with myself, been there done that: I have felt sick before, I have had sore boobs every bloody month. The real hint was 14x24hrs gone since IUI (my ridiculously regular LP of 13 days) and no blood. Last night on the way back from our weekend away we discussed that I had not gotten this far before. And my very strict DH told me I could only speculate if I was willing to test. So after a sleepless night I woke him at 6am with a pot of wee and the question, shall we test. I still don't believe it is real, but equally, despite my many checks in the work loos, AF is not here. And it does not really feel like it is on its way. The main differences I think is that I did not feel bloated like I normally do pre-AF and that I have odd pains in the lower belly but not proper cramping. and I fart loads, which I also did after the trigger shot

Oh my God Lemons that is the best news
I was wondering about you today actually. Congratulations, you so deserve your BFP!!!! I feel a bit teary for you....damn you Clomid
Stick around won't you to let us know how dark your line gets.

Thanks pout, although it was a fairly faint P. I am getting a clinic blood test tomorrow and if that is okay, I not need to do overly much testing. Although I might as well finish the ICs, since they go out of date next month

pout I'm going to sound quite stupid but how do you know it was an evap line?? I don't like these line tests, I need to see the words, then there is no confusion no more than normal could it be a dodgy test, fingers crossed that the triplets are just taking their time to get settled in, I didn't get a BFP until 14 dpo

nelly I was trying to cheer you up,clearly didn't work not make you worry more, my friend is still trying for a baby and hasn't given up hope even if the Dr's have. MN is a good security blanket

mrsd sorry you are in the tent of doom, I offer hugs, tea and biscuits - posh chocolate ones, I haven't spoken to the Dr about the risks of ICSI, but from I have read they are 1-2% and some reckon it is the same risk as women just having IVF I really need to pull my head out of the sand on this one don't I.

artemis I'm not one for going round and telling porkies but have you thought about enbellishing your CD day so it suits??

gin I feel calmer but still crying at the drop of a hat over nothing and everything, damn you stupid hormones, god only knows what it will be like when I reach menopause I think Newlife Clinic do mild/natural IVF?? I think they called it a short protocol??? I think they do all sorts with sperm, I can PM you Jon the wanking managers (JTWM) email and you could ask him about this imsi thing . I would quite happily share my eggs but I'm too much of a dinosaur now :(

joycep Mr S thinks 8% morphology is acceptable, (JTWM) would prefer it to be in double figures, glad you've got your level ones done

lemon whispering congrats lemon that is great news

Lemon - that is fantastic news. Fingers crossed for another positive tomorrow - but a line is a line is a line . This gives us all hope! Congratulations. xxxx

Mrs Den - how frustrating that your blood test and subsequesnt IVF are delayed. To be honest this is NOT acceptable. You were told to ring on a specific day - which you did. If THEY have chaned the agenda then THEY should be providing a suitable plan B. As others have said, can an alternative Dr authorise the bloods or can the bloods be taken with the view that your Dr can sign when she is back? It may be worth ringing to say this is causing serious emotional upset and re-iterate that you were told to ring on a certain day. They don't like it when the faint whiff of complaint is in the air.

Artemis and Joyce - sorry to hear about the monthly itchy sore bits. I would agree that your symptoms don't sound thrush like - but I am no expert. I thought itchy soreness was associated with the body being too acidic - but I could be wrong.

Could you get some PH strips to test the (TMI coming up) external / internal vagina area? If PH is out of balance it can play real havoc with the body in general e.g. skin complaints, mouth ulcers so I see no reason why PH out of balance couldn't cause problems for fertility too as others have suggested. If the vagina / cervix area is too alkaline or acidic either way it can kill sperm in the same way non-ttc freindly lubricents do. And, just remembered, when DH had SA - they did test his PH level - which was a little on the high alkeline side (but told this wasn't an issue). So I don't see why the femaile body PH is of any less significance. But - just some thoughts.

:) you lot make it more real... I am curious about tomorrow, I hope and guess it will still be positive, but the level is interesting as well. The higher the better chances (and more likely that it is twins!) but since the line was faint, I am just hoping it will be positive enough...

Oh and at pH testing the region down-there. It makes sense, but equally is a little grim!

lemon I actually had watery eyes after reading your post! Amazing amazing amazing! What a lovely bit of news and hurray for lucky number nine thread. It's so nice to hear of IUI working too. I'm properly chuffed to bits. Don't disappear just yet, keep us posted. You can sit in the Gold Tent in our TTC festival.

I'm doling out loves and hand holds in the Marquee of Doom and ERTD Yurt. nelly you are doing amazingly lovely. I'm sorry your consultant is a cock. It is sad to think that to these doctors we are cases and not people with hopes and feelings. I think there are many many people out there having babies who don't know their statistics and numbers. You will get through this and it WILL be ok.

pout I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering how it was going. 15dpo and no af and an evap line.. Really don't want to add to the mentalling but I think you are well within your rights to allow yourself to believe.

sarlat good to see you back and I'm so glad you took your foot off the ttc pedal and enjoyed the wine and cheese. I agree it is so hard to not think about it, it's always there.

artemis oh grr about the HSG. I'm with buzzy on being a bit untruthful. Maybe you could accidentally just get your dates all muddled? Is a private one possible?

buzzy hope you are taking it easy and that you are our IUI number 2. I really worry they wont be able to do IUI on me because of my right angle cervix. There is a procedure they do for ivf, with a mock transfer, ultrasound and dilation the day before if it's felt needed. I'm not sure they'd bother with all that for IUI. He has dilated my cervix now though and thinks this might make it easier. I didn't know that once it's been dilated it stays more open but when I did a cervix check last month I was ! it feels totally different.

euro speaking of cervixes (plural?) I think you made the right call. These things can resolve and at worst develop very very very slowly. Having the smears will keep a careful eye on it. Not a barrel of laughs though.

mrsd hug. The waiting is awful. The waits I had whilst trying to find that effing fibroid actually made me feel like I was going to go insane. I think it's because you feel so helpless and you can't make the time go quicker, it's hard. But the time will pass, you are a spring chicken and it will be your turn soon, I just feel it.

critter may 150 do the business!

I can't remember who asked about non ov cycles. As far as I'm aware I have months with no symptoms (rarely) but my chart, ewcm, ov sticks and once, a scan, show that I have ovd. It's a strange business. My own personal theory is that different eggs make different corpus luteums that do different progesterone things. On the basis of no scientific evidence I wonder if the months where I've had a lot of spotting the CL doesn't release as much progesterone, maybe. But who knows.

No news my end really. Cd10 so I'm in the relaxed tipi. I can't be arsed with another two week wait and I'm actually away on ov day so probably a right off, given that even when I time it exactly nothing happens. Nothing ever happens. That might become my ttc 'song'! I am really ok though. It's so strange how the moods shift. I'm decorating the box room as not a nursery and it's going well. I'm also seeing Dr Big tomorrow. Can't say I'm thrilled to see pregnant teenagers and loved up bump couples but needs must. I'm also not looking forwards to telling him I'm not doing clomid yet. But I guess it's my body. Somehow I think he will be cross.

rabbit loving all the tents I'm sure with a wonky cervix they could do IUI, it a very thin bending thing that they shove up there, I've tried feeling my cervix, there is a slight change I think???

Oo forgot to say Joyce thats amazing about the level 1 tests. Did you take a list?

And where is doll? you ok?

Wow, just Wow lemon . So let me get this straight? You've a BF(aint)P after more than 2 years? IUI DOES work? AND, you got one of those experiences that other people have? ooh my period is late, I wonder if I'm pregnant . Go and post a thread to that affect, purleease! Anyway you have given me lots of hope, not least that my doctor is full of sh1t. What were your particular issues again, or were you unexplained? Sorry for forgetfulness. I'm sure tomorrow is just a formality now, but I can imagine it's still nerve wracking and we are here for you.

Artermis I am so sorry you are in our marquee with us. It's shit down here sometimes. I'm kind of glad I wrote the drunken rant in a way as it got a few things out that were boiling up. But I'm sorry it resonated with so many of you - as in, I'm sorry that I'm not the only person suffering, and that we're all feeling variations of the theme. I definitely agree about lying. As for what else to do. Well for me, I am following a few rough themes I found on the internet. Trying to increase blood flow by way of some exercise, plenty of water. I'm finding reflexology very relaxing, so trying to force some me time. I'm cutting right down on the booze and caffeine for a bit. Already have a healthy-ish diet but making sure I get more fruit and veg. I also read that some protein a day and plenty of avocado and olive oil and stuff is good for eggs. None of this feels too hard to do. I'm also being much stricter on my multi vits (including the omega 3) and the low dose aspirin. And I'll add the Q10. Sounds a lot when you write it down, but basically I'm exercising, drinking water, eating well etc. Not rocket science, might make no difference, but it will feel like I'm trying.

mrsden my sister had an IVF baby and he's fine (though in spirit of honesty, her first attempt did result in a M/C at 8 weeks). And I have two real life friends who were successful first attempt. Your statistical sample is too small .

I am sorry I failed to even register your birthday gin. Glad you had a good one. I haven't looked at Create but will do so now, thank you. As Critter says (and MrN) we just have to deal with one step at a time.

joy glad I'm not the only one hanging on to this thread. You and MrsD are both right of course, it would indeed be(and in your case was) much worse to be given guarantees where none should be. Though the complete doomsday scenario isn't necessarily the best alternative, so I'm trying to find my middle ground; as are we all I think. I didn't feel that strong going into the hospital. I was behind my nephew and BiL and as they ran in to see the new baby, I had to swerve the other way. I sort of panicked/sobbed for a minute and we pretended we had just let them have their family moment together; then acted my way through the next hour. Except when I held her. I really did melt; and I think it made me realise that donor eggs would definitely be an option (bloody logistics aside). Though it'd be easier if it resulted in a boy, as the male members of MrN's family are all clones of each other! But as you say, it's still possible things will work out for us. I hope so. Hooray for the tests being done. And I'll check out that link.

pout - it's very comforting indeed! I have been selectively finding the success stories and not the fails! I am so sorry you felt the pain from my post too; why oh why does it have to happen to nice people? I am very very curious about your evap/15DPO. I will quietly watch the goings on. With my fingers crossed. Then steal one of your triplets

Next time I see the consultant I am going to say. "Well. IUI does work. Lemon told me so. So there. And mumsnet science is full of people contradicting your knowledge and getting pregnant with poor AmH. And Rabbit says you are a Cock"

You didn't make me feel bad buzzy I was feeling bad for your friend! MC is a bit of a worry; but I frankly can't even begin to ponder that. If I ever get a BFP I want you all to quote this back at me "Today, I am pregant. And that is all that matters".

I hope this posts now, it's taken ages! I will post then maybe give a quick update on my reflexology.

So Refloxology. Told her the crap news. She immediately told me about a friend that had been given a diagnose of infertile - shocking AMH - not worth getting IVF. So they accepted that and shortly after she became pregnant. Her Woo theory is that her body just "relaxed" (grr, sorry) and it all fell into place. Now interestingly I read something last night about your subconscious which pricked at mine. Without going into detail, a few years ago a close friend passed away due to complications from giving birth. Pretty shocking in this day and age, but she had an underlying medical condition which wasn't picked up. Needless to say this was a tragedy beyond belief for her family, and horribly upsetting for us all as her friends; but also struck fear into me about childbirth. I've never mentioned it on here as never thought it would be relevant and it's not really a subject to gossip about. But I wondered last night if I still held that fear? So I briefly mentioned it to reflexologist and she recommended fertility hypnotherapy. I've no idea if it will help me get pregnant, but I'm hoping at least it might give me some coping tools to deal with IVF, potential diagnosis etc. I realise I am going a bit Extreme Woo (wonder if that'll be in the Rio olympics?) but as I said to MrN, despite being a "science" person, I know it doesn't have all the answers and I'm prepared to trust in the black arts a little .

Also, I do feel calmer after my treatment. Apparently she was working on calming the adrenal gland; but even if it was just a nice foot rub, it did make me feel better. And then when I came out and checked my phone I saw Lemon's news which really helped! She also said it would be a stronger treatment due to the fact I was early in my cycle and she'd work on growing follicles etc. I told her to do a good job as they needed the help. Oh if only it were that easy . But I don't feel I'm about to burst into tears, so maybe it's the foot rub, or maybe it's just the stage in my cycle. Who knows?

Pout - POAS in the morning. Just get thee to Superdrug, apparently those give a better answer .

Lemon - bloody hell, well done you. Not only our first IuI success but te first over 2 years of trying.really pleased for you. Gives us a boost we need. And i find it comforting that it still has worked for you even when you have been so low. I have always feared my mother is right and that the low moods are not helping me get pregnant!

Nelly - just read amh is nothing to do with quality of eggs. You can very low amh but still excellent quality eggs. Yes I have been selectively reading as well. And that is just an awful story about your friend. I wonder whether on some level you do have a fear. Fertility hypnotherapy sounds intriguing. I always thought I would do it if I couldn't haven't kids in the hope that hypnotherapy would put me off kids for life.

Rabbit - I did take an a4 sheet with me and he kindly ticked off everything he could do. I did lie and say my gynae said my gp should be able to do Them. Good luck with Dr Big tomorrow.

Pout - I thought evap lines were a myth. So you saw a second line and then when did it disappear? Wtf?

Sarlat - isn't thrush part of a ph imbalance? I never had any of these problems before unprotected sex.

Artemis - uum I wonder if the ph thing is te problem with you. I have been tested a number of times and it comes back positive for thrush. sorry you are in a low patch. It's so easy to get cynical about everything we are suppose to be doing. Part of me thinks it's bollicks but I dare not try just in case.

Gin- glad you had a good birthday but sorry about te hormonal cloud. I have never heard of imsi - is this a new thing ? What is it?

Spent the pm with god daughter and one of my best friends. God daughter is having a birthday party for her other 1 year old friends ans their parents next week. This is where we get left out as we haven't been invited. Of course it would be my ideal of hell but still it makes me as it's only because we don't have a baby we aren't invited.
Anyway friend asked whether I used fertility support forums and I feigned ignorance and said I had never come across them before.

Most grammatically challenged Post above - sorry.

Joyce - yes I think thrush is another PH imblanace condition - must be really unpleasant to get it as often as you do. When I occasionally get thrush, I use a mixtuure of natual probiotic youghurt with a drop or two of tea tree oil and apply internally and externally. Works for the chaps too. I found it eased the symptoms instantly.

Found this article this morning about male fertility and walnuts

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19254383

I had a stab of terror last night - got really scared that my DH is just too old to be a dad from a social point of veiw. Don't know where it came from as overall been a bit more calm. But my DH did say that I can't expect all my anxieties to dissapear overnight - he's right really, I can't expect to go from 0-60 in one go. Never mind. Will keep calm and carry on.

Somebody upthread mentioned wanting to find a middle ground - think it might have been Nelly. I think this is a good thing to aim for and where I think I nearly am at the moment. I don't think its possible to pretend to yourself that all is well. But, embracing the fear also stops some of the fear. All we can do is try our best - after that we should spending our energies on doing other nice things.

Nelly - the hypno sounds amazing. I thing the human body does know the human mind. I will NEVER EVER be in the 'relax and it will happen camp' - we all know that there is something technical / scientific which is preventing our pregnancies. As Joyce said, Lemon showed us that anxieties can not prevent pregnancy. But I do think removing emotional barriers can improve the odds ever so slightly or at least make life feel better. The nervous system and adrenal glands send messages throughout the body and it could be that our bodies get a little bit out of sync - when this is on top of significant biological factors things become very complicated. Plus, if we have to go through this journey, we may as well get what ever help we can to ease the stress so that we have some quality of life in the bits in-between. Will watch to see how you get on - good luck.

Pout - wow - have you tested yet today? Really really hoping this is THE month for you. xx