TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Positive steps and a plan. Never wiser ttc words spoken.

nelly how did you get to speak to the consultant on a Sunday?? 25% is good, I think that is the kind of odds I will be given and I haven't had and never will have my AMH tested, too much of a wuss, are you taking co enzyme q10, its supposedly good for the both of you. I'm glad Mr N is looking after you :)

euro only you know what is best for you, I hope all goes well on your work trip, how long are you away for 3 weeks ??

teu I have been thinking about you, how is the job going??? I was wondering what kind of support/ help you are getting down there.
I read about Mt Doom Tongariro :)

gin happy birthday, hope you've had a lovely weekend

well Mr B seems convinced that this is the month not sure if its because he's had to pay for it or because that there has been an improvement with his sperm, I've had a bit of cramping/sharp ov pains. He seems to talk about the future with baby, he also mentioned what happened to Gary Barlow and then we discussed what kind of birth we think would be suitable I still feel tearful (bloody hormones) started to cry when Mr B talked about his gran she's been dead over 20 years, so never met her

Evening all.

I am back from a very nice trip to France. Really enjoyed it and ate far too much baguette, cheese, pate, ice cream, frites, crepes, rose wine, red wine etc etc. Was definatly not a TTC diet and I don't care. Although I am feeling podgy and slugish so will need to do some healthy living for the forseeable.

I'm sorry but I won't be able to catch up wiyth everyone about everything but have tried to scan through the last few pages.

Heart, Mellow and someone else new I think. Welcome but sorry you find yourself here. I do think this thread is a massive source of support so I hope things start to get a bit better for you. We really understand all the fraustrations and doomy days.

Care - so sorry that the recent cycle didn't work out. I can imagine that you just feel a little 'odd' at the moment. I remember after my recent failed IVF cycle I just felt strange - I couldn't release the feeling as it wasn't like a normal grief. But then one day it did just go. Am I right in thinking this is your first cycle with the steroid / NK cell meds? If so, do you think its a case of just waiting to get lucky? Wishing you lots of luck.

Nelly - goodness me what an awful shock you have had recently with the AMH results closley followed by the birth of a neice. I bet you have been up and downs like a yo yo. Everyone else upthread has given excellent advice and reassurance about it all. And I am so pleased to see your fighting spirit coming back - the healthy diet, supplements and exercise sounds perfect. My accupuncturist is adament that egg quality can be improved by improving the environment that they bathe in - so good on ya - grab everything you can and go for IVF with an open heart. You have not left anything too late - you have been very very bloody unlucky like many of us on here. Who's to say things would have been any easier 5 years a go?

Euro really glad your clinic visit went well. And that is soooo reasuuring about the EWCM!! I agree with all this talk about different Dr's giving different opinions. I also think that less experienced clinicians and nervous clinicians feel the need to offer cautious treatment. I have to admit to doing this myself wheh I was less experienced. I thought I wasn't doing my job properly unless I was pointing out all the things that might go wrong or not work or sometimes I just felt the need to focus on the impairment as this is what I was trained to do. But experince has taught me a lot and I would welcome someone who wants to take small risks knowing the benefits are likely to be worth it. I am trying to remember all of this myself when I get faced with the tube removal conversation.

Buzzy - sorry if I am being thick but have you just had IUI? If so wooohooo - excited for you. And wow at Mr B's SA. I might need a re-cap about what you are feeding him.

There appears to have been quite a bit of unsettling news for some since I was last on this thread. I really empathise and remember only too well learning that my tubes were damaged - the sobbing and distress was incredible and like others mentioned the first time something massive happened to me. Even the misacarriage wasn't as bad as I still had hope. But those who are going throught the mill - hold on, don't deny yourself the tears and the anger - make sure it all comes out. It WILL get better.

I managed to be quite distracted from TTC worries during my holiday but the overal longing never really went away. I do feel better for switching off and will try to maintain that to some extent.

During the last month I have had real clarity of thought about a few things. I want to be a mum very very much but I don't want to a mum at any cost (at present). I have realised that some of my anxieties are releted to worrying that a close family member will get there before me (something I need to work on accepting - I love this person with all my heart and wouldn't want them be without). I have realised that although I am open minded about help to have a baby and prepared to put in some hard work, I don't HAVE to do eveything / anything. Finally I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I may never have a baby. I still think it is likely that I will have one but I can't give myself a guarentee. My theory is that if I work on accepting this possibility, then I will no longer be scared of the Dr's saying it won't work or them telling me to remove my tubes. Then no one can hurt me anymore and I am no longer a hostage to this situation. Not sure if it will help, but going to try. Overall, just working on being more easy going. But this has come after many months of anguish and tests / treatments. I don't think it is possible to 'choose' when to feel differently. We'll see.

Rabbitt - delighted to see you are excited for the future - what the hell was that Dr talking about - 3 week cycles for ever more - pah!!

Sorry for prattling on - bet you all wish I'd satyed in France!!

Hello care. Hope you are doing ok. I am trying very hard to take my own advice. Part of The Plan was trying to de-stress a little. So earlier, I took out a bit of anger on my filthy slightly messy bathroom, including taking a toothbrush to some skanky looking science experiment stuff around the taps . Hell this frustration may as well be of some use. Anyway then had a very lovely bath to ease my aching post-run muscles, with Molton Brown bubbles, candles on, and an escapism book about setting up a restaurant in the caribbean. It was very pleasant indeed, even though I didn't have my customary glass of wine. I wonder how long this resolve will last? Tomorrow is reflexology and going to start accupuncture as well.

buzzy I remember when we started TTC we were far too scared to talk about the future, as we were still a bit in awe of the prospect of becoming parents. Now, we don't talk about it because it feels like tempting fate. It's great that you are allowing some optimism to creep in, sometimes it can be miserable down here in the Tent. I'm not taking the Q10 yet but am about to go and order some. I reckon most of these changes are likely to be too late for our Sept round of IVF but as I've been reading that frankly my chances are as good naturally as assisted, I still need to do them. 25% is a good chance; but that's only if we get enough quality eggs to turn into embryos in the first place. A big IF. I did chuckle at MrB being positive because he's had to pay for it. Is he Scottish? .

sar welcome back! Sounds like you had a lovely break. Hooray for throwing the TTC rule book out. I don't wish you'd stayed in France at all, as you said some lovely and also very interesting things above. Firstly this:

grab everything you can and go for IVF with an open heart. You have not left anything too late - you have been very very bloody unlucky like many of us on here. Who's to say things would have been any easier 5 years a go?

Thank you for that, it was beautifully put and very succinctly made me feel a lot calmer. I think the beating myself up is one of the big problems; I'm blaming myself for waiting. Daily Mail, anyone? But you are right, there is no way of knowing how things would have been. And I love the Open Heart bit. I'm rapidly turning into a fan of all things woo, but it's a great image to have.

Also re the coming to terms with not having a baby. MrN and I have also talked about this at length. Up until last week, I guess I still felt quite positive, but suddenly I've had the very very real prospect of it not happening slammed in my face (with a follow through of others' fertility to really twist the knife). I commented to MrN that last year we went through a minor version of hell. One of my hobbles was very very ill, including a month's stay in the vet clinic. She was up and down, I tried everything I could to nurse her back to health for 3 months. Eventually, we had her put to sleep; and whilst that was horrible, it drew a very definite line that I could move forward from. At the moment, I feel like I'm in the first stage. It's too soon to give up (for me at least), but that doesn't mean the fight isn't hard. I don't know if we can choose when to give up, but I trust that I'll recognise that point when it comes.

Oh re talking to the consultant on a Sunday, I left him a voicemail on Friday. However, I don't feel guilty, given how much he charged for a single consultation that took about 20 mins; and ended up persuading me to have the blood test that I didn't want, and started this spiral of despair. The bastard owes me big time .

On that cheery note, should probably go back to reading about island escapism.

Hi all
Sorry, long long time lurker here, only posted a couple of times. Just got a quick question for nelly. I was recently given a 0.5 amh level which too sent me in to despair. I went for a 2nd opinion and the other ivf doc was more concerned with my fsh (not tested yet, also said it needs to be under 12 or no IVF ). 1st doc was not interested in my fsh. Soooo confusing? Did you do the fsh too?

And so sorry to hear your news care, glad you have such a supportive husband. We are booked in for IVF in October ( with 1st doc who doesn't care about fsh).

Sorry bubs I have no idea! Hopefully someone else will be at their desks on MN soon

Sorry for radio silence after asking a question on Friday, we had internet connection difficulties over the weekend
But in summary - Thank you! I took the meds, feel better and today - AF... (if we're going to be honest, I did hope that by taking the meds it would increase the likelihood of getting updiffed, a bit like booking a holiday to a malarial zone - which is, incidentally, booked for October )

But AF is confusing me - I'm CD27 (very early for me, last 2 cycles were 31 and 33 days, one on Clomid and one on Letrozole), I have no emotional doldrums (definitely a first, DH even commented on it, I would normally be sobbing into my tea or ranting about something by now), and no cramps (I am NOT complaining). And before anyone says it could be implantation, it is bright red and I really wasn't sure I ovulated this month- no breast tenderness, ov cramps, EWCM or anything..... Any ideas wise women?

Sarlat sounds like you had a great holiday and your post is very philosophical and calm - and nelly you sound in a much better frame of mind too which is great. I correspond with my Dr via email so she can reply at all sorts of odd times!

buzzy fingers crossed for success - if Mr B turns out to be right, you could make some money with his insight?!

critter good luck on clomid, 6th time lucky

euro good news about EWCM and that your colposcopy looks normal, fingers crossed it was just a response to the steroids and will go away, never to come back.

Sorry if I've missed anyone, there were a gazillion posts over the weekend!

Buns my FSH was tested via GP initial bloods. He told me that nothing was out of the ordinary so we didn't push that quickly. When we finally got a referral the NHS consultant said it was 11, which is in the start of the category that means you might not respond so well to IVF. However FSH can fluctuate. The lab result does say unlikely to be significant; in other words it's not necessarily why we weren't conceiving. From what I can tell, 11 was a long way from being catastrophic which is partly why my AMH result was such a horrible shock. Basically the NHS doc just said I probably didn't have the luxury of waiting the 3 years the NHS would take to get to IVF. I know ARGC completely discredit AMH. I also have read of people (even on MN) having re-tests of AMH showing wildly different results (up the way!). My own consultant said under 4 it's a bit woolly anyway so although mine says its 1, he said it could actually be 3.9??? So basically in my strong moments I feel dismissive of it, but in my many lower patches it gives meno hope of success at all. Not much help I guess, sorry. . And sorry that you too are in this pit with me.

mellow I think most of the posts were mine , although buzzy kept me company a bit.

Nelly, I think your plan to get on with ivf sounds like a sensible one. No one knows how each woman will respond, the only way to find out is to jump in and do it. It also seems to be the case That just because a woman doesn't respond well on one round, that doesn't mean they won't do well on subsequent rounds. It's such a big unknown.

Euro, it sounds like your strictly cervix guy is an ultra cautious type which I understand. I suspect he sees the worst outcomes. Also, some women will ignore, forget etc to go for follow ups although I know this isn't you.

Mellow, when I have an anovulatory cycle it usually comes earlier, is light, no sore boobs or mood swings.

I'm sat here blubbing because I rang the genetics dr to try and make an appointment for me to have more bloods taken. The receptionist said she's still on holiday despite the fact she told me to ring today. She isn't back until the 28th, when I'm on holiday. So I won't be able to get my bloods done until the middle of sept then it will be a 4 week wait for results. And we can't get on with anything until they're back. I put the phone down And burst into teArs. Why does everything take so long? It feels like I'm in one of those dreams where you can't get anywhere.

Oh mrsden I'm sorry you aren't getting anywhere. It's so frustrating. Is there no one else that can do them? I'd be crying down the phone I think. This is hard enough. How can having a baby come down to bloody logistics. I feel this way about wanting to do natural IVF too, but can't really figure the London logistics. It's so so frustrating.

You're right about having no clue how the IVF will actually go. My consultant is such a misery guts though. Basically said IUI doesn't work. Natural doesn't work. DHEA doesn't work. IVF is not likely to work. Gee thanks . MrN reminds me he is a scientist. I say he's an arsehole.

By the way mellow my anovulatory cycles are like MrsD. Most woman get one or two a year.

I think the drs don't like to build our hopes up. It would be so much worse if they told us it would work and then it didn't. Our dr refuses to discuss individual chances. He will only quote the global figures for women my age at their clinic. I think it's because it is impossible to know until we try. All you need to get is one embryo nelly, that's all!

The receptionist played the "I can't really understand you very well, are you English?" card on me. She bloody well could understand me perfectly, I've found people do this so as to fob me off. This dr is the only genetics counsellor in the city so there is no one else to see and she needs to sign off on the blood sample. Shes been away for all of August. How can someone have such. Long holiday? It's bad timing that she gets back just as we go away. I can't see us starting g ivf before november now. I'm goi g to be the last one left on this thread aren't it? And the reality of another Christmas no further forward has hit me. I feel very tearful today which isn't usual for me in the pre ovulation. Bit of the cycle.

our doc said the same thing and iui worked for us two and half yrs ago. I found in the uk they do take forever to do anything so iui is a good thing to do in the meantime. It gave us hope for a while rather than just sitting waiting for things to get done. Doctors here are telling us that it won't work here as well and IVF is only a 10% chance. I say bugger off and let us try. We will give up when we are ready!

Oh mrsd how bloody frustrating. Is there no way you can have the blood taken before you go on hols for her to sign off on her return? What a farce. No wonder you feel so down. You won't be last here though; IVF stands a great chance of working for you, keep faith . You are so right, we just need one embryo. I cheered myself up by reading a few stories of babies resulting even when only one egg fertilised, 4 follicles, 3 eggs extracted etc etc. there's still hope and I agree with you bubs, just let us have that chance. That's great IUI worked for you by the way. Also re 10%, if you think I was told that even when all is good with both couples, there's only a 20% chance each cycle; well 10% for us "reproductively challenged" seems worth a shot.

Fuck You, infertility.

.

mrsd there surely has to be someone else who can sign it off, its ridiculous that you have to wait so long and that all your other plans go up the spout and that a place can function with part time staff who are always on bloody holiday, Mr S has people who I can see when he is on his many and I mean many holidays, big hugs

nelly at I say he's an arsehole. I have said to Mr B that I think he has Scottish blood in him :) Its frustrating that different DR's use different measuring tools, how the hell are we supposed to know where we stand with it all. It was nice to keep you company Nelly

bubs Welcome, My specialist says fsh under 8, didn't ask about what it should be for IVF. But he wouldn't write anyone off if it was over that. They do vary from month to month so it is worth having it checked again

mellow if he is right I'll most certainly be sending him out as the new mystic meg :)

well a friend of mine who is about 43 has been pregnant twice, sadly miscarried but they keep telling her that she is peri pausal so it is possible no matter what your results are I think her fsh was above 12

oops sarlat welcome back :)

Sorry about your friend buzzy. That's so sad. I haven't thought beyond getting a BFP. But if I ever get one, I know I'll move straight in to panicking about if my dodgy eggs will sustain a pregnancy..

I appear to be clinging to MN for dear life just now. Reflexology tonight though so you'll get a break from me then!

Morning everyone

Sorry it's been such a stressful weekend for so many people. Nelly I really feel for you. Your sister-in-law's timing could hardly have been worse, well done for holding it together at the hospital. I'm glad Mr N is being supportive and you have some kind of plan. I don't know what else to say apart from offering virtual hand-holding and hugs.

Euro your Strictly Cervix guy sounds a bit keen to me. Sounds like you have made the right decision particularly as you have forthcoming smears to keep an eye on things. Good news on the EWCM. I didn't know it could hide!

Buzzy well done on getting through IUI. I hate those metal clamps, they're the worst bit of having a smear test for me. Fingers crossed for your 2ww, hope you have chance to rest and look after yourself.

Critter i loved the affirmation, once again we can tell you're a writer . Hope you get 6th time lucky with the clomid.

Gin happy birthday for yesterday, hope you had a lovely time! good news on getting the appointment re-booked.

Joycep I hope you get some help from your doctor re the antibiotics. Did he/she have anything to say about the Greek test results?

MrsM I have never heard that pH imbalances could cause thrush-like irritation. I think you've thrown me a lifeline. I don't believe I do have thrush despite so many doctors assuming that's what it is. I never get the classic discharge, just a horrible external irritation, and Mr A has never had any symptoms. It arrives in the second half of my cycle and disappears when AF starts. Now I'm wondering if pH balance could play a role in infertility. I never get EWCM either. We did have someone on here who got pg after douching with bicarbonate of soda though I think that's alkaline isn't it so might not help? Might need another visit to Dr Google since the real doctors are completely uninterested in anything that isn't a blood test result

Mrsden I am with you on the crapness of the timing and being fobbed off by receptionists. It's nearly a year since I first went to my doctor. In all that time we have probably spent about 20 minutes total in the company of relevant medical professionals and don't know any more about what might be wrong than we did at the start. I have wasted the last 3 cycles trying and failing to book an HSG. ERTD arrived yesterday and I have just been told no yet again because I'm working away for the first three days of next week (not something I could postpone) and they won't do it any later than CD11. It drives me nuts that consultants don't work weekends. Do they imagine patients' bodies go into suspended animation outside normal office hours? And I don't understand why that one horrible consultant is the only person in the whole PCT who can do this basic, routine test.

I am joining those of you in the tent of doom. I am just sick of this now. Nelly your drunken rant was very coherent and pretty much how I feel about the whole thing. I wish we could have started sooner. I wish I hadn't wasted my 20s on pointless unreliable men. I don't understand why I can't get pg when plenty of women my age are popping babies no problem. I wish the bloody doctors showed the remotest bit of interest in finding out what's wrong instead of a perfunctory glance at the test results and a casual fobbing off. Yesterday we went to a family party, which was lovely except for all the "I think we'd like a two year age gap" and "When I have my next baby" conversations, and comments on how great Mr A is with the kids which just breaks my heart. I got through it with - the one consolation for it being CD1.

I just don't know what to do now. I feel completely stuck in limbo. We have our next appointment in about 3 weeks at which point we will go on the IVF waiting list but the odds are so poor that I can't pin all my hopes on that. I just don't know what else I can do. Diet, acupuncture, woo? I'm getting so cynical about all of it. Including the consultants. Nelly mine's an arsehole too. And yes, the logistics are shitty. There seem to be so few choices of clinic outside of London.

Sorry, I've gone off on one a bit. Just feeling a bit near the edge at the moment. I daresay this too will pass...

Waves to everyone and sorry for the me post. Hope this week improves for everyone.

Nelly, i have the Same Worry. Even if i manage a bfp then will the crapness od the sperm mean i miscarry? The One Person in Rl that i know who had ivf miscarried twice. Also the genetics dr, she of month long holidays, said that the risk of abnormality was higher with icsi babies and she recommends amino. I am firmly in the tent of doom today. Mn is my lifeline too. As soon as I got off the phone and started crying I wanted to post here.

Artemis, the waiting is awful isn't it. So frustrating. I wish we could write all of our moans on a big book on how to improve infertility care. So many small changes would make the experience so much better. And it seems to. Be the same the world over.

I was 28 when we started ttc. I went to the dr after we'd been trying 11 months. I'm now 31 and feel like time is being wasted and it's through no fault ofmy own. I hate this assumption that we all wait til were 45 before trying. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could have been to uni, got a job, met the perfect man, got a house etc by the time were 20.

Hi ladies. Thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a lovely weekend although the hormonal doom did begin to engulf me yesterday and I was a bit of a cow (well until I drank lots of wine and felt a bit better!).

nellie please do post as much as you need to dear. It's such a tough thing to go through and I find venting on here helps massively, plus everyone is so knowledgable, as well as lovely and kind. My clinic, create, specialises in natural ivf. Have you had a look at their info?! It is London based though and you really would need to stay in London during treatment I think.

Welcome back sar! Your holiday sounds really lovely and I'm pleased to hear you are feeling all mellow and chilled.

buzzy I have everything crossed for your iui working. You sound a bit happier, which is good.

mrsd that's shit about the doctor. Is mr d any good at calling up and shouting at people?! I'm sure the clinic could email her. I'm pretty sure my clinic is in constant contact with the consultant. Surely at that level you are never properly 'off' work and certainly not for a whole month! I'm gonna be on this bloody thread forever too!

euro your plan seems v sensible. Surprising at how he was pushing for treatment. Does he get more money if you had the treatment [cynical emoticon]?

mellow, like others have said, when I've not ovulated my cycles are like that too.

Hi to everyone else.

Well, I've been googling sperms. Does anyone know much about imsi? It sounds like we need it, but I don't think our clinic offers it. I really don't want to change clinic - mild ivf is all that I'm happy to do-, so i'm in a quandary. I feel mr gin deserves a chance to have his own biological child and I want his child, but I really really don't want to have to down regulate (don't see the point), or take loads of stims, as I'm pretty sure I'll hyperstimulate. When I've asked about mild at other clinics, it's been a resounding no. And I feel comfortable with our clinic and it's the nearest to where we live. Sigh. But I just don't think normal icsi will work for us... At the moment my plan is one more go with mr gin's sperms and then donor sperm in an egg sharing cycle, but I just don't know if this is the right thing to do.... Gargghhh!

X post artemis and mrsd. Sorry for the gloom. It's going to have to be a marquee of doom, there are so many of us in it at the moment! I too wish we'd started trying earlier, but the outcome wouldn't have been any different I'm sure and we couldn't have afforded any treatment back then either.

Anyway back to work and trying not to be gloomy!

oh Nelly - I cling to MN when i'm extremely low. There is that need to be in contact with people who are going through the same process. Your doctor sounds incredibly negative and is obviously giving you worst case scenario. I second Mrsden in a way and think having worst case scenario is better than being told it will definitely happen. According to two people I was suppose to be definitely pregnant by December last year and it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. I prefer the 'it's still possible ' line. And it is still very possible for you of course. And don't beat yourself up about ignoring your biological clock. You may have run in to the same problems if you were a decade younger...you just don't know. But I have no idea how you managed to see your neice in hospital while all this shit is going on. You are a strong woman.

DH and I have been discussing donor eggs and it didn't get far. It was an outright no from him. I don't know whether low AMH is an indicator of egg quality, I have been presuming so. Anyway, I think DE will have to wait until we understand what goes on with ivf. Also I have been reading that AMH can dramatically decrease over the course of several months for some women. That to me doesn't sound very reliable. I honestly am saying Fuck Off to AMH and will concur with those docs who don't believe in it. FO FO FO.

Buzzy - well done for getting the deed done. MrB's motility has shot up - that's great. And 8% is very respectable and well above normal. Crossing fingers for you and hoping this is your month.

Care - hope you're holding up ok.

Euro - glad your appt went well. Good about the ewcm

Teu - Hiya. ah that's why thrush clears up after AF. that's good to know. thanks.

Sarlat - glad you had a fab holiday. I found your thoughts on how far you would go to have a baby intersting. I think our bodies will dictate our limit. I will try everything I possibly can within reason but I don't want it to leave us financially destitute or broken as a couple. I still have hope [although MrJoy told me he doesn't think it will happen now] but I am also trying to think that I may not have a biological child of my own just so i can get my head around it.

Mrsd - I cannot believe you have to wait so much longer for these blood tests. It is just ridiculous. Poor you. That would make me cry. I am still waiting for my Lap and that is looking like the end of the year as well. I wanted to be doing ivf by Dec. Big hug, it's so infruriating.

An advert flashed at me this morning ' pregnant within 6 months or your money back'. I just couldn't stop myself from pressing on it. If it didn't have reputable names attached to it, i would have thought it was some ruse [probably still is actually]. And of course, I don't think it iwll work for me but have read their first email with interest. Just in case anyone is interested: www.pregnantinsixmonths.co.uk

Went to GP and very kindly he has nearly done all my Level 1 blood tests. This will save about a grand. He wasn't having any of my chlamydia results though. He said you can get chlmyalida from chickens and birds.

Got to fly but will be back later. So sorry to the tent of doom for a lot of you. I no doubt will be in it shortly as Af hormones start to kick in.

Hello ladies

Happy birthday for yesterday gin. Sorry that you had a bit of a funk but glad that the wine helped cheer you up

nellie I am so sorry that you are struggling at the moment. Your posts have really resonated, especially the fuck you infertility Gods stuff. I too spend a lot of time reflecting on what I did wrong to end up in this mess. I also feel angry and hard done by that apparently taking the time to get my ducks in a row is punishable by such a high price and that in actual fact there would have been less heart break if I had thrown caution to the wind, updiffed myself in my twenties and relied on the state to house me and feed the resulting offspring.
I wanted to say that I have been meandering about the web & have stumbled across quite a few posts where women have fallen pregnant with a very low AMH. I know it probably isn't comforting but I thought of you.
Well done on going to the hospital. I don't know how you did it and kept it together. FGS I dream't that my other cousin was updiffed last night and woek up feeling all weird so God knows how I would have coped with an actual newborn. at having your brothers baby. You're right infertility makes us all bonkers eventually.

Euro I am so glad that your treatment was okay.

Critter Yay to not inducing a period. Boo to more Clomid.

Mrsd I can understand why you are so pissed off about the tests. That is ridiculous. Like you I can't stand all this waiting...it's all about waiting all the bloody time.

buzzy I'm so glad that your treatment went well. FX for you.

Welcome back sarlat. I admire how together you are.

Artemis I hear you on the what now thinking.

15DPO and a BFN for me this morning (well quite an impressive evap at one point). I knew it was coming but did a near positive OPK yesterday and dared to hope. 10miu at 15dpo can't be wrong. So I'm waiting for the inevitable like always but have read that Clomid gives you longer cycles....whoop the fucking whoop.

X-Post joycep Great news about the Level 1 tests.

Hi guys

Quick work post but just wanted to offer hand-holding to everyone who is feeling exhausted and fearful through all of this. We will get through it!

nelly I hope the reflexology is nice and relaxing. Thinking of you and sorry you're having such an utterly shitty time of it. I am in awe of your hospital trip to see newborn.

pout so sorry about the BFN. Has your doctor said how many cycles of clomid he'll put you on before he looks into other options?

Happy belated birthday, gin, glad you had wine and sorry that you've been feeling down. I think your plan sounds very sensible. All you can do is just take it one step at a time, so I'd try to just focus on the next IVF cycle with mrgin's sperm, armed with as much information as possible. We will be cheering you on.

sarlat welcome back, you've been missed! The French diet sounds amazing. And thank you for your beautifully-expressed thoughts on the process.

artemis big hug to you. Sorry about having to go to parties and listen to all that stuff about babies, that is never a fun experience. Do you know how long the IVF waiting list is in your area? I think I've heard some people say that it comes around fast, but I don't know.

euro glad the appointment with Strictly Cervix went ok. It's hard to stick to your guns when doctors are pushing a particular line of treatment, so well done for managing it.

teu welcome back!

buzzy well done for Saturday - absolutely loved the posts while you were waiting for the 'lights, camera, action!' part of the IUI. I will be crossing my fingers for you over the next 14 days to hope that it's good news.

care hope you are ok - thinking of you.

mrsden sorry you're having such a frustrating time. How infuriating about the doctor!

mellow that sounds super confusing and unsettling about the early AF. How stressful.. argh.

Apologies to everyone else for missing you - no news from me, I'm on CD2 of Clomid 150 and going for a scan next week. Haven't gone psycho yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the Clomid Crazies begin lucky MrC.

Gah - joyce - wanted to also say it's awesome that you got your Level 1s done by the GP. Now you can spend the money on something you actually want.