TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Lemon congrats, hope the blood test is pain free and gives rapid results!

Thanks all, I hear what you say about anovulatory cycles, but I was on letrozole (which is like clomid) and which I responded to the previous month. Prior to being on ovulation stimulation, all of my cycles were anovulatory and lasted 35-43 days! I don't know, maybe it didn't stimulate this month (I didn't have scan/progesterone because the previous 2 months had shown success ). But after a little bleeding yesterday morning, I have had nothing since... just declare yourself you old bag so I can get on with the next stage!! Interesting what someone said up thread (I'm sorry, memory of a sieve ) about have proven ov'd without symptoms. Why is everything so complicated! I'm contacting my Dr to arrange a laparoscopy for next week - onwards and upwards...

mrsd I'm sorry you've had such a frustrating time with the genetics dr - it does seem ridiculous that nobody else can sign off on blood tests.

critter have the crazies arrived yet? for me it was a bit later in the cycle....

Love the pH testing ideas - bicarbonate douche might be a bit extreme, but I'm sure there are foods to eat that have an impact (might even be how cranberry juice works?!)

Sorry to everyone else who feels shit - I had my 10 minutes in bed this morning - thinking about where we'd be in 5/10 yrs time, without kids. and then the denial part of my brain kicked in and I got up to make coffee before I started crying. I am a 'bottler' who then implodes, it is so much easier to write stuff down than say it aloud - MN is probably stopping me from being a shouty dribbling wreck - DH should be extremely grateful

Wohoo lemons! That's totally amazing! . I'm so so thrilled for you. And yay an iui success. Good luck for the blood test today!

sar my mum sent me the walnut article! Typically, mr gin hates them, so I may get some fatty acid suppliments for him instead, lucky boy.

Here's an article about imsi www.nhs.uk/news/2008/07July/Pages/NewIVFtechnique.aspx mrsd do you know if they do it where you are?

Gotta go. Am on a late train this morning and it seems to be the pregnant lady train. Am surrounded by them! lemons you're one of em now wohoo

Just as I wait for archaic computer to log in. joy I guess my worry is still why am i not pregnant yet??? I know I ovulated the month I had by progesterone tested. It was 55. I know I ovulated the month I had my Dildocam (May). So why hasn't it worked yet?? I don't suspect immune issues, and although I don't live the life of a nun, which in itself might be a slight problem , I'm fairly healthy. MrN got ok sperm results. Therefore in my dark moments I assume if my ovarian reserve is crap for my age, probably the quality is too. Hence I'm trying to take a bit of control back. Did you find DHEA? I think Biovea or somewhere sell it in uk? Otherwise we will ask critter to help.

POAS yet pout?

And MrsMellow ah ok hadn't clicked this was a medicated cycle. How many DPO do you think you are?

On that note, I had some blood in my urine sample 5DPO and the dizziness about 10DPO last cycle. Maybe I should have been POAS just in case it gave me some info? Knowing something had happened would have been useful info I think? Oh who knows .

gin I'm I forgot to say hello yesterday. Hello! Look at the ladies and imagine the piles/stretchmarks/indigestion note - this will never happen to lemon or and diffed 10 plussers.

nelly the eggs are a worry I know. But, each egg will be different. I'm trying not to think of my eggs as 'bad' but as possibly a little fragile, which feels like a more understanding word the bummer is, is that we make a measly one a month. But, for arguments sake, let's say some eggs don't have enough oomph for the job, I like to think that doesn't mean they are all uniform. In there will be eggs that ate up to it, it's just a case of finding one in a month where the sperm/mucus/timing/lining all align in harmony. When I sit and think of it, it beggars belief anyone does it in under a year really. We WILL find our eggs.

lemon are you properly walrussed?!

God. I so so so don't want to go to the hospital. The smell makes my blood pressure go through the roof now. But mr r has come up with a cunning plan to go in through the back way to avoid the diffeds and their shiny green booklets

One day in years to come, I might trawl through our threads and write our story, just to give to 10 plus graduates. Title; walnuts and walrusses.

I don't know - the last two cycles I ov'd around day 15/16, so I guess 12-13 days - look, I will obviously POAS at the weekend, just for fun
but there's a bit too much blood for there to be anything useful happening - and like all those annoying threads that say "could I be pregnant" there is really only one way to find out - but I will hold until next week.
I have booked my laparoscopy for next Thursday -private health care is interesting - I had to arrange it with the fertility dr - then call an anaesthetist to arrange them and get a quote, then call the hospital and get a quote not for the faint hearted then call the health insurance people (after a conversation with DH that went, look it is bound to be cheaper than the UK) - before finding out it is completely covered YAY!!

We also had a chat this morning about life with kids and what we would do - after mopping up my tears, DH cheered me up by assuring me we would live in a bijou due to finances flat in Notting Hill that is very NOT child-friendly - open fires, no bannisters, no socket covers, freely opening drawers full of knives, ornaments on low shelves that could smash and damage little people, open hinges in doors, that we would have a cool soft top car with NO rear seats and go on lots of holidays. And we would steal one of our nieces. We can be the very indulgent relatives who come in and feed sweets and chocolate to the mothers disgust, take teenagers on unsuitable holidays and to cocktail bars and generally have AIBU threads written about us for years to come ... I am very lucky and I do love him lots

nelly POAS -why not after all, we can have the thrill if nothing else
I think that you're just having bad luck and it will happen when you least expect it. Just relax

So I've booked the hypno session. First one next Monday, same day as our appt at the IVF clinic. She said with first round IVF her patients have a 90% success rate. That can't be right surely? I mean I'll take those odds. Even though the cynic in me suspects I'll be in her 10% that doesn't work, and therefore not in the docs 10% that will. Apparently her job is to remove all stress which sounds a bit like "just relax", but on the other hand I'll happily remove stress from my life! even if the cost is enough to bring on Hives

rabbit you always say the right things! Good luck at docs, don't let him bully you into doing drugs . Let us know how it goes. I think Walnuts and Walrusses (walrus' ?) would be a great read. I just hope we haven't reached the end yet!

Walri?! I had some hypnosis nelly before my lap. I liked how relaxed it made me feel but it was eye waveringly expensive and I wasn't entirely bonded with the woman. But I think teaming it with treatment will be helpful in keeping you calm. I really want to ask about counselling at the hospital today but bet I wuss out. mrsm I missed you too! Sorry. I didn't realise you were in a potentially mentally situation. Contrary to all words on the net, my luteal phase differs month to month. It's usually 13 but every now and then throws a 16 just to make me think I might be pregnant. Waiting til the weekend shows excellent restraint. Do you usually get spotting? And about the meds, I take what I need (and this would include antispasmodics, paracetamol and cold flu stuff and immodium, if I was desperate - ibs is a bag of laughs) after exhaustive Internet research on category of drugs in pregnancy, I figure I've never been pregnant and millions of people don't realise they are pregnant until after the 6 week mark and I'm sure they take things. If I don't have my meds when things are bad, it gets worse and after a year of no meds and being miserable I decided, sod it.

Hello,

How are you doing today lemons? Are you grinning from ear to ear? I'm so happy for you, and it's give. This thread a big boost. Stay with us for a little bit though.

Maybe we should do another round up of where we're all up to including the bfp stories. It's hard to keep track.

Sarlat, it's funny you posted about the walnuts. Nuts have become a source of friction between me an dh. Every day I weigh out a portion for him to eat at work. He doesn't really like nuts. Some days he says I don't need to give him any because he still has some left, so then I scream "I'm giving you a carefully measured daily portion size, you're not supposed to eek them out to last all week". Then yesterday he flat out refused to take the effing nuts. So I yelled at him as he was leaving "all I'm asking is for you to eat the friggin nuts" neighbours must think I'm bonkers. This is what ttc has done to us, arguing over a handful of nuts. It genuinely makes me mad though because I am the o e that will have to inject myself and go through Ivf and he makes a fuss about not liking nuts. I might well make him nut roast for dinner. That'll learn him!

Gin, Im not sure if it's imsi but my clinic offer something that they say is quite new where they make the sperm pass some sort of test before they choose the strongest. It's more expensive though and they said they'd only do it after a few failed icsi attempts. Image of sperm sat in exam hall doing algebra. and very belated happy birthday!

Pout, ohhhhhh I missed The evap line. Test, test, test! Remember first triplet is mine.

Can you tell I have a new phone? I am do so so sorry about the grammar, spellings etc.

Damm, I couldn't even get the apology post right.

I am a little bit out of the inner tent of doom today, more in the awning. Dh went to the genetics clinic on his way to work and guess what? No sign of even the receptionist today. Dh days as he will send a snotty email later.

Lol at phone errors mrsden, I'm awful and have had this one since Christmas . Sorry about awnings and shitty clinics though. Worra liberty, especially when you are paying. I got my bill in for my AMH today. Over £100! Are they having a laugh? I'm seething with at the cost of a test that I didn't want, hasn't changed my plans, and is now costing me a fortune in remediation for my stress levels. Fuckers.
I'm going to get easily pregnant now just to prove the doc wrong . I did chuckle at you having one of the triplets and also at making MrD a nut roast though!

sar I meant to say earlier yes middle ground has to be the way. I totally agree with the fear being self fulfilling almost. I think once you've come to terms with the absolute worst case scenario, everything becomes easier. In Nigellas Domestic Goddess there is a bit about making custard. She says the fear is of it splitting. Feel the fear, and cook it anyway. Ok it's not quite crying over spilt milk, but it's probably a useful analogy. Let's face it. Childlessness is a possibility. But today, I feel that might be ok. I love MrMellows plan to be unsuitable aunts and uncles. We can grow old disgracefully, never have to buy an S-max (yes, sister, I'm looking at you ) and be selfish all our lives. Of course I know that's not what we'd really want; but I know I could live with it. And MrN has promised we will have amazing lives, whatever happens. We all would. And knowing that does actually make me feel a tiny bit better.

I'm not going down without a fight though. C'mon, you malingering ovaries. Grow eggs, pop them out. Let's get this DONE. .

Any word pout ?? I think I also missed the evap line... sorry!
90% success rate? where is this woman? There are some very complicated maths to do - imagine in school... if the hypnotherapist states that 90% of her patients have success on the first go, the Fertility specialist between 10 and 25% (depending on whether x>y, w=y or the tide is out while the owl chases the pussycat into the sea and you've taken all of your Q10, folic acid, walnuts but not peas), 80% of couples conceive within a year and every cycle you have a 20% chance of success, what is the chance that your first child will be called Tarquin...

mrsd rather make him banana bread with walnuts in - or even brownies? or flapjacks? or pomegranate and walnut salad with goats cheese and rocket? Nut roast on the other hand yeuch!

I've never had any spotting before, but my LP has seemed on the longer side - but who knows. I have booked the laparoscopy now, so will test just before that, with quite low expectations...

nelly it is really offensive that all of this is so expensive isn't it - as if it isn't bad enough that we're hit with the 'can't get pregnant' brush - then they charge you loads for it

Just as an irrelevant aside, my custard has only split once - when we were making ice-cream (ginger, rhubarb and caramel) and we went ahead anyway - my advice - don't!! the texture of the ice-cream was grim!!

must go and eat

Woo hoo Lemon!!! How exciting! That's terrific news. So IUI does work! Were you unexplained? sorry, memory is rotten. Hurrah for lucky no. 9. Hopefully you will be the start of a trend... please, fertility gods? Pretty please?

Rabbit i love the book idea. Please can it be called Walnuts, Walruses and Wanking?

Buzzy yes it had occurred to me to lie about cycle days done it before just don't know how much license I dare take in case they catch me out, or else it means the test doesn't work... they have scared me with all this 'impossible after CD10' crap and I imagine lying there on the slab with the horrid consultant going 'you lied!' and bright lights shining in my eyes in some vile horror movie scenario. Or it not working and having to have it done again. I am probably definitely being paranoid. Does anyone imagine there will be consequences if I'm on, say, CD13 when they do the test and pretend it's CD10?

Pout evap line? what's one of those? Have you tested again? I know the spare triplets have been bagsied but if you end up having 4, can i be next on the list?

Mrsden at the nut drama... I have the same thoughts when I have to hold Mr A's nose and force handfuls of vitamins down him. If it was him facing the prospect of having people stick needles in his bits he'd be scarfing them down like smarties.

Joycep at hypnotherapy for child aversion. I'm already very averse to other people's children turning into a bitter barren cow. How rubbish not to be invited to your god-daughter's birthday party. It amazes me how blinkered people can be sometimes.

Mrsmellow loving the life-without-kids scenario. While I had child envy at that family party I really didn't envy the house littered with toys and the 'price of school uniform' conversation. Hope your mentalling has eased up.

Nelly good news on being proactive and booking the hypnotherapy. Will be interested to see how it goes. 90%? Really? Yes, I'd take those odds too...

Critter good luck with the clomid crazies, fingers crossed this is your month.

Sarlat when you have your baby I don't think you'll give a toss what anyone thinks about your DH's age. You're right about not wasting mental energy on this stuff. I need to try harder to find the middle ground. Wasted much of yesterday pointlessly googling IVF stats and getting tied up in confusion about how to go about finding and arranging an appointment at a private clinic. Does anyone know? Do you just pick one and ring them up or do you have to go through your GP? I am so ignorant. I don't know if I can just ring up and say "I'd like an HSG please" or if i'd have to go through the whole case history/ blood tests/ SA rigmarole again. I'm not sure I could face afford all that.

I'm still in the tent today, poking an exploratory toe out in the awning. I need a plan. I just don't know what to do. I know we will be on the NHS IVF list soon but the wait will be anything up to a year and that's too long. I have dithered about making a private appointment because I'm terrified of the cost - and, if I'm honest, of getting catapulted into IVF before I'm ready - but I don't know that I'll ever be really ready. The other possible plan B is the full-on woo scenario - see a nutritionist, more acu, live the holy life of the barren hermit - but I am pretty healthy already and it all feels like groping in the dark. I don't know what the problem is so I don't know how I can make a difference, if that makes sense? I may try the bicarb solution this month... sounds bonkers but I'm willing to try anything and I do wonder if there is something in this pH question. I'm ovulating, the sperm are fine, the timing's fine, it has to be something else... My mind is boggling about how to do the pH testing though! Those pH testing strips we had in school chemistry?

On that note... waves to everyone, and a special sparkly-knob wave for Lemon

lemons where are you with blood numbers??? How are you feeling today?

rabbits it's weird you mention walruses because I read the post from Sarlat with the link and thought it said 'Infertility and Walruses' and was a bit confused about it's relevance.
That said I am starting to resemble a walrus. I read that the in the average cycle of Clomid you gain 5lbs.....shit the bed I am going to be huge and NONE of my clothes will fit and I will be unable to leave the house because of having no trousers....wails....lots.

nelly at the making custard analogy. As long as I get to gurn smoulder seductively like Nigella and eat trifle straight from the bowl in the middle of the night with my fingers wearing a silky negligee then I guess barreness might not be so bad.
Cripes at the cost of your AMH, mine cost £43 or something like that and that was outsourced to a private clinic.

I actually agree that fear may well be a massive barrier for some of us at this point and might actually be playing a part in things. That said this is absolutely not the same as relaxing I read that link Joycep passed on about getting updiffed in 6 months and that makes a lot of accupuncture and state of mind. Like you nelly I have been thinking a lot about exercise and increasing blood flow to the womb. I'm also toying with going back on the low GI diet for a bit.

artemis It is a dilemma and for what it's worth you probably will be catapaulted into IVF territory. I would suggest reading Joyceps link about the woo stuff. It got me thinking that this is something I would be way more comfortable with and put my name forward for the trial.

mrsd I had to laugh at arguing about nuts and what the hell your neighbours must think!

mrsmellow I too made icecream with split custard. It had a spongey sediment that coated my teeth!

I don't know what to suggest RE your dilemma. I read a website yesterday whilst googling evap likes a loon that said in relation to HPTs and pregnancy "trust your body". This really pissed me off seeing as that is one thing I have been unable to do for months and months. I cried in the bath about it later like a saddo. I guess all you can do is test. It is crap advice - sorry!

For those enquiring about the evap, it was definitely an evap since it was a classic shadow with zero colour and has faded to next to nothing. Also the shadow appeared on two tests from the same batch so I reckon it is a result of buying cheapy tests from Amazon.
I'm not going to POAS anymore this cycle because my LP is 16/17 days so I'm not officially late and still have time for the bitch to arrive. Also I reckon that a BFN at 15DPO is pretty much conclusive. Can I join the tent of doom? I had a massive meltdown in the bath last night (massive meltdown number 6 of this cycle!!!!) and was crying to MrP about how I don't know how to make all this stop. I guess that is the million dollar question for us ladies, how to make the pain stop that isn't baby shaped?

Lots of luffs to you all.

Sarlat ? i have heard of the natural probiotic yoghurt treatment. I don?t know why it has always freaked me out to try that, I really should give it a go considering i have sent menstrual blood to Greece, nothing should phase me now
Please don?t fret about MrSar being too old. It is very normal for men to be older anyway and when I walk past the nice local school every morning , I notice how varied in age the parents are at the school gates. There is no right or wrong on this. If Elton John can start in his 60s, MrSar most certainly can.

Nelly ? intriguing that your progesterone was so high. That?s an excellent result and my acu tells me the higher the progesterone, the better the corpeus luteum and the higher quality of the egg. I wonder if this is true? This doesn?t explain why you?re not pregnant though and perhaps make it more confusing. Fertility is such a head fuck but is your low amh actually being used as a diagnosis for you not conceiving. Anyway, I really looking forward to hearing about how your fertility hypno goes [although 90% success rate ? are her patients all under 20?] Between us on this thread , we have tried an awful lot of things. I do wonder whether the mind has some effect. Your story made me remember last month when I felt like my body was trying to get pregnant but instead of feeling hopeful, I had a weird mental reaction ? I felt scared that I might be pregnant again and I remember hoping that it wasn?t the month. It was a very peculiar reaction and I wonder whether I have some unconscious issues with the fear of miscarriage. But I?m sure this isn?t why I?m not conceiving.

MrsM ? uuum I wonder what is going on with your cycle this month...[scratches chin and wonders]. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. Well done for booking the lap. Can?t believe your private health insurance covers it. Are you able to disclose who you insure with? My insurance doesn?t cover anything to do with fertility. I doubt they would cover counselling for depression caused by infertility.

Mrsd ? I pinned MrJoy in to a corner once and forced a brazil nut in to his mouth and then kept my hand over his mouth so he couldn?t spit it out. I have never seen anyone make such a fuss. He doesn?t hesitate to eat coffee and walnut cake, roasted and salted nuts, peanut butter, chocolate nuts, yoghurt coated nuts...god he made me suck his bloody nuts once and i made less fuss but to get him to eat an organic brazil or walnut is so painstaking, I gave up. So he won?t eat nuts and I won?t suck his nuts.

Artemis ? that?s exactly what this is, groping around the dark. Not knowing what direction to go in is so frustrating. I think the thing with the woo stuff and the healthy eating is to do it all on the side . You can do that alongside anything else. I did that for 6 months of the year and now I am just working through a checklist of things [all written down in my fertility notepad] as like you i just feel there is something else going on. Can you remind me how long you have been trying again and when your m/c was? I?m getting in a muddle with everyone?s stats. I must say hanging out with god daughter yesterday was lovely but after 5 hours, I was totally ready to leave. It was pretty dull [and exhausting having to constantly watch them] and I didn?t have a pang of jealousy. You see I?m hypnotising myself.

Pout ? but why do evap lines appear if there is no hcg in the body? I didn?t realise they were so easy to see, even if they were cheaping. Talk about messing with emotions. I had to rip open my test once and then hold it under a spot light and still i?m not sure whether the line was in my head. Sorry you are in the tent. It?s just such a hopeless place to be because we know no one can help or really say anything to make it better. Yesterday i was feeling absolutely fine all day but suddenly come the evening, i felt a rising panic sweep over me hence why i was posting on here late at night. I was tossing and turning and reading fertility books until 3am. It?s just out of our control. Oh and when I want to have a really good cry, I run a bath and I just sob. Apparently the warm water takes us back to the womb.
Oh and A stupid email came through today from that link I posted giving an ?inspiring story? . Woman ?struggled? to conceive for several months. Frustration set in. Clomid made her feel terrible. Diagnosed low ovarian reserve. Did acupuncture and within 3 months she was pregnant. PAH! That?s about as inspiring as my friend who struggled and struggled for 4 months before she finally became pregnant all because she ate a grapefruit.

joy Sorry that you had a bad night too. I hadn't thought about the bath being like the womb before. I always feel better after crying in the bath, more relieved I suppose.

Oh dear at the inspiring story.... at getting updiffed eating a grapefruit! That's the thing isn't it, it is impossible to tell what actually might be the difference in the updiffed stakes. Is it the grapefruit, the Clomid, the bee pollen, pre-seed, or was it just the right time/fate? Maybe "signing up" was a bad idea. It just seemed so compelling. I guess desperation leads to a vulnerability for snake oils and "miracle" fixes.

It's interesting what you said about feeling fear when you wondered about being updiffed. I have experienced that too. I even had that feeling this cycle when I was stupidly optimistic that Clomid might actually work and believed the Consultant when she said that I "had a good chance" this cycle. Instead of happiness I panicked and thought that I wouldn't be able to hack it and would be sleep deprived and miserable. I was stressing over the thought of stretch marks and going into a pregnancy being overweight. It's weird. I wonder whether some kind of defence mechanism is setting in. I said to MrP how I intend to work on developing an intense dislike of babies and hope it cures me of my desire for a baby!

I don't get what causes the evap line on some tests and not others. I did read yesterday that some urine samples can somehow make a difference??????? MrP summed it up though (although he got a mouthful of abuse for his trouble!) when he said that if you can't properly see it then it's nothing.

Interesting what you said about high Progesterone. I got a ridiculous high level last month and was wondering what caused it. Thank you for clearing that up, you seem to know loads of stuff.

at your nuts story

Joy, your sucking nuts story has brought tears to my eyes I have some sympathy because I think brazil nuts taste like tree bark but it's not much to ask.

nelly there is a book called feel the fear and do it anyway, I did buy it but haven't read it quickly looks on bookshelf

mrsd I laughed out loud at your nuts story, but I know what you mean about the men only having to do a simple thing while we the women are popping/injecting drugs, having fanny cam, working out dates pissing on sticks eating some nuts is quite easy really, nut roast sounds yummy to me. Mr B now just takes what I give him, think he is still traumatised from my last hissy fit, either that or I have finally worn him down into submission :)

artemis usually the lights are at your foof end so they can see what they are doing :) I hope you get one booked soon, I think it might have been euro who said it was more to do with making sure you weren't updiffed and them washing the egg back up your fallopian tube and causing ectopics I don't see how it would hurt to have it done on CD13.

joycep and at your nuts story made me laugh out loud too
the good old yoghurt way was what they taught us at school, its fine I do it all the time :) inspiring story ??? a lady who I chat to on a different site got a BFP, I am pleased for her after her miscarriage etc etc, she is going to send me her OPK'S just in case they are lucky for me too

Well one of my well meaning seniors had a 'chat' with me today as I appear unhappy at work - no shit sherlock - so I went into an emotional rant about all the things that are wrong at work, the list is endless, she then tried to cheer me up by telling me that I'm lucky to have a job, house husband etc etc Did it make me feel it better did effing like, oh the joys of hormone treatment, still only 2 days left for me this week

Firstly . joy your Nuts story made me spit out my tea .

Lots else to say but need to do it on my pc

Hello all, well we're back and holiday is definitely over - packing, moving, renovating and working resumed today - in fact we went straight from Gatwick yesterday arvo to the tile shop to choose tiles and buy stuff for the house.

Firstly, congrats to Lemons great news! WOOOOOHOOOO Brilliant. Just brilliant. Great to have a fairly early thread diff. More please!

Sorry to those of you in the tent of doom. You may have to budge up a bit for me - CD16 here, positive OPK yesterday, plenty of SWI being done, hopes sort of high at this point. Hit by an announcement yesterday on FB that went something like this:

thanks for my birthday messages everyone, sat here 13 weeks pregnant with a migraine in my eye and eating cake and biscuits alone for fear of being sick

So much I can't bring myself to deal with it let alone congratulate them. First cycle after their woodland themed wedding. Sigh. Sobbed into my bowl of noodles and extra large glass of wine in Wagamama's last night in absolute despair. I've been told it takes the average couple 12 months. I've been pregnant twice in 22 cycles (so I'm sort of hitting those targets). But 3 years on still no baby. Everyone else (and my friends are not first in line for being healthy people - slim yes, but drinking and smoking and other stuff - tick tick tick) seems to be taking less than 6 months to get their bundles of joy. I also worked out that next month will see the spawning of all the announcements that I've had since I've been on MN with you guys. Also had a cry on last days of hols in the shower after sunbathing sesh on a stunning beach and lovliest of lunches as we sat next to the most beautiful women on the beach, she was tiny, really tanned, flat tummy, huge knockers and beautiful, beautiful little girl and despite being in my playsuit and respectably tanned (I am fair I'm never going to be mahogany) I felt flabby, small boobed (they've shrunk back to a B cup since the brown diet - measured by the french lady - who declared them a D when I got married!) and completely unwomanly and unworthy. Anyway, the upshot is that FB is ruining my life and so are pregnant women and small children, so DH and I have left FB and decided that I just have to tough out certain situations more and go back to liking pregnant friends and small children. I also think that we agreed that if there is no baby by my next birthday (December) then we will think about IVF in the new year and forego the new car this year. I'll be 31 and would have been actively trying for over 2 years and planning for nearly 4 years. Meh meh meh.

But I'm actually ok in a weirdish way. I guess I'll happily sit just outside the tent peering in from time to time. Still it is CD16. Forecast for this cycle is not good.

I also texted my sketchy bridesmaid friend to tell her about her woes as she's having a wedding party in September and I'm now back on the brown and we will be living with the PIL after this weekend. She is so not in touch that she doesn't know that I had an MC last year (we could call her an ex bestie for a number of reasons - but I'm feeling that perhaps I should be less harsh on friends especially when they don't know the situation) and we didn't even go to her wedding this year - it was on a Wednesday with 6 weeks notice and the other side of the country making it near impossible to go.

I'm loving the talk of nuts joycep and the hypnotherapy sounds interesting nelly I don't really have much more to say. I may not be around much over the next few weeks as there's so much house stuff going on. Plus I'm trying not to be so dependent on MN, as I don't think it was doing me any favours before.

Waves and fertility tail feathers to all. 2 more days left of shag week and then the 2nd 2ww. Sigh again.

Sorry to be a bit all me and not to name check properly. You are all very loved by this princess though

at the nuts Joyce! and meh about the inspiring story. These days there has to have been a real TRY for me to feel inspired (lemon, where is you?!)

Oh pout sorry about the cry in the bath . I do that. I think I've cried more since ttc than in my entire life pit together. Even if it is a bfn, this doesn't mean the clomid won't work. I just want to give you a massive hug.

buzzy it's hard staying cheerful at work isn't it? In the spring someone said something a tiny bit nasty to me and I had to spend ages in the loo sobbing as I'd just got my period and it was the final straw. It doesn't help for people to tell you that you have a nice house, husband etc. They just need to say you will get there and it will all be ok. It isn't hard.

sarlat I meant to say - don't worry about your dhs age! As a primarynteacher I saw dads from 15-70 and it never really felt strange to see older dads. Families take all shapes and I think this is a worry you can let go lovely.

So I braved the hospital, took the back corridor route and only saw one bump and she was a nurse so she didn't count. My cons was really lovely. He may be batty but he is very kind and we were with him for ages. I have a plan. No intervention til January, then 3 cycles of clomid, with at least one monitored. Ivf next summer. I will be 36. We will get fhs, prog cd21 and SA repeated this Xmas. Possible self funded IUI in the spring. So there we go. 7 eggs left to crack before we get help. I'm going to try hard not to pile the pressure on for it to happen before Jan and just try to accept that route. It feels amazing to be let off the hook from hospital appointments for the rest of the year.

Cross post princess oh we must help you a teensy weeny bit but cutting loose from Facebook is something I really should do, I must don't seem to be able not to look at it. I'm glad you had a good hols and I'm so sorry your coming home was bamboozled by a honeymoon instadiff. I'm irked and I don't even know them! But i think it is pretty amazing you are just about hitting the average target - this is very promising! You have bags of time and determination, it will just be a matter of time for you now. But the plan is always helpful.

Hi all,

rabbit it is good to have a plan isn't it?

princess welcome back, FB is the work of the devil, well done for walking away. I just find with being overseas and away from friends and family that it is a good way of keeping in touch with the million pregnancies and babies
Good luck with the house stuff.

joy I am in S Africa with Discovery - but it is covered because my gynae is calling it investigations for irregular periods and period pain - rather than putting the work infertility/fertility in there anywhere. I too love the nuts stories!

Where did the walrus get mentioned? I'm sure it did?