TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Critter - hope the anniversary scan brings good luck! It must do, right?

Buzzy - I'm so sorry, that sounds really hard. I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning, but you're not being selfish at all, I can't imagine how disappointing it must be. If your MIL can help you guys out financially with future treatments that would be wonderful.

Sarlat - ugh, spotting. I hate it. Random pre-period spotting has been the plague of my existence these last 2 years since I had my mirena out, and I never had it before. I'm somehow certain that if I can sort that out a bit it will mean my cycle is a bit healthier. Anyway, I hope the wine helped! Sometimes there's nothing better than a big f*ck it glass of wine. (Or, rum. )

Artemis - I also have the Baby-Making Bible . I quite liked reading it, but had the same problem of identifying what my particular type was (another 'paranoid' here), and just found the plan a bit too much to really be able to stick to it. And yes, I am actually really grateful to still have some time on our side. A friend who's currently pregnant and is a bit older than I am slapped me hard with a wet fish last night for continually speaking of my ovaries as being 'old', and she has a point - I'm in my early 30s but still relatively young. I just always had it in mind that I'd be done having my kids by 30 (a totally impractical scenario given my and my husbands careers!), but it's funny how those ideas seep in and influence your thinking without you even fully realising it. And I have also been really negative for a while now, not even really able to visualise this eventually working out for us. So I think I need some positive affirmations or thinking or whatever, as ridiculous as they can feel.

Mrsden - I know that feeling and it's horrid. I hope a large exotic cocktail helps to see it on its way soon. And at ladyboys. (So true.)

Coco - that sounds really frustrating. Hopefully you can eventually persuade him out of that position...? I guess it's one of those things you just have to keep talking about. Difficult though. And I'm always going to think of SWI as steamy wild intercourse now.

Akuaba - I thought they were meant to take the quiz separately, and work out their own type? So I've done the bits for all and women (cause I've not been charting long enough to do the bits for women with BBT), and he took it this morning and did the bits for all and men. So his type is totally different to mine, which makes complete sense to me. And yeah, it is mostly aimed at women, with a few tips here and there aimed at men, but even that is better than the other book I read which had literally one page for the blokes in. And well, my general (totally stereotyped) impression is that guys probably approach this differently. There aren't a lot of blokes knocking around the conception boards analysing their sperm or discussing their partners' cycles, for instance. But seriously, in our particular case, my OH is in a pretty good place at the moment. He's really healthy and generally tends to be extremely laid back and relaxed about stuff, and even his job which was stressful before has settled down for the moment. Whereas I am a worrier at the best of times, and have been immensely stressed about work for the last year or so. And I've also let myself become rather unhealthy of late. So, concentrating on myself seems to make sense in our particular case. I'm sure that's not what's needed for everyone, though! And I'm really sorry that you're feeling hopeless at the moment - I was there (literally, even in terms of DPO) last week, and it sucks. But your plan of less but better sex sounds like a good one to try.

Ginsoaked - I hope the clinic appointment went well!

Right, that was longer than I intended! AF is here as expected, so I'm off cuddle whatever warm object I can find that will lie still long enough to ease my cramps (husband, cat, hot water bottle...). Hope everyone has lovely weekends!

rum yes indeed they should do the test separately I'm such a twat.

Hugs to you Gin it's the first step on the road to you getting that baby and it may feel a costly pointless exercise but hopefully once it's out the way you'll feel like you are slightly closer to the goal.
Hope they dont keep you hanging around in the waiting room long and treat you well.

Coco - I feel your frutations. Trying to get to a stressless place is stressfull in itself. One tip I can give you it is to try and find your 'middle ground'. It is something we have chatted on here about recently. This means not aiming to be ok with your situation - lets face it that would mean we would all be in denial but at the same time, trying to accept the hiddiousness of it all to some extent so that you can laugh in the face of it. I sort of found my middle ground a couple of months a go and as a result have found things a little easier and even had one or two things go my way for a change (disclaimer middle ground exemption for today coming up). I wonder if your DH would be more inclined to consider IVF as things move along - more of a natural dawning of realisation. I've had one cycle of IVF already (failed). 6 months a go, I was saying NO WAY to IVF! Good luck.

Doll - I hope you are wrong and this is your month! Big hugs.

Rum - I think your ovaries are young and fruity! Sorry about AF.

Gin - I know that fear about going to the IVF clinic very well. I guess like me you associate with tears and therfore going for more appointments is torture. But I guess all we can do as see it as a step closer to meeting out little ones. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Well I cried and sobbed and cried somemore when DH got home from the foorball this afternoon. ERTD is in FULL flow, the dream is over for another month. But she realy played with my head. She is one cruel old bag. I had cramps from about 9 dpo, metallic taste, tingley boobs......I mean come on, play fair you old witch! This morning I woke up to high temps, so despite the spotting I was a bit smug and still thought she might not come. I was wrong. She was taunting me.

It must seem a little odd to hear me getting this distressed over another failed cycle (had 2.5 years of them). The reason is that I thought something had implanted so if it did and failed then it feeds my darkest fear - that nothing will implant. We do have 5 frosties which I know is amazing in itself, but I worry that I won't be able to hang on to any of them. And I cant......I just can't have my tubes removed. Even if that means no babies. I can't do it.

Sorry sar what a horrid day. And you are right, that is just ridiculous, I mean what else makes mental mouth? Distress over failed changes over time but that doesn't mean each one gets easier. Each cycle has it's own characteristics which we in turn stalk. Some are harder to handle than others. Hugs.

coco at your swi, sorry Mr C is not keen on IVF and adoption, Mr B wasn't keen on IVF, mainly because he thought we wouldn't need it he's still not keen on adoption, he might change his mind in time, men seem to lag behind where TTC is concerned. I can understand the tick tock tick tock, I'll be 40 next March.

rum sorry AF has arrived, lookS like we'll be cycle buddies well when mine actually turns up

doll implantation can take up to 10dpo so you wouldn't feel anything yet :)

gin how did it go???

mrsd I hope you are feeling better and enjoying some of your hols

sar Super big hugs it doesn't matter how many cycles, its still heartbreaking when you get AF. My temp only dropped slightly today but I know the she'll be here tomorrow.

Well I spent today with MIL's friend, well actually she is my friend too, she has very kindly without me asking tried to contact an IVF clinic in Prague to ask them some questions, she will try again on Monday. She also gave me a little angel of hope badge. We both had a good cry and laugh, I still feel tearful now but it will pass, I just hate the constant rollercoaster of emotions

euro I hope things are going well with work

waves to everyone

Sar that's so cruel and unfair, hope you're ok. It's definitely harder when it feels like something might be happening. But stay positive. Did you know in Chinese woo metallic taste is linked to the liver I think?

Doll, you made me laugh. Reminded me of the time I went on the 'eat right for your blood type diet'. I bought the book and read it. But as I don't know what blood type I am I never got any further!

Critter and Joy yes I love my shiny new mountain bike. We got them early this year and go out most weekends unless there's something else on. Dh hates all day exercise and things he counts as 'extreme' so we tend to do quiet country lanes and bridle ways, but love it. Joy my next step is to get us up the downs as they are so close now. Tomorrow we're going to walk from our house up the downs, can't wait.

Rum that's interesting about that book thanks I will have a look. I do love a quiz and a new diagnosis, it's what keeps me going. I like the 'aha!' feeling and a corresponding plan! Last year through my acupuncturist I started following Randine Lewis 'the infertility cure' which is basically traditional Chinese medicine and you can work out your diagnosis and there's corresponding recommendations for diet, acu points, herbs etc. I did take a lot of the supplements you listed plus others, and did weekly acu and daily meditations. I followed it for about 6 months and my cycles became more regular, cm got clear, less spotting, fresher red af so definitely helped me feel well. I did a consultation with a Chinese medicine specialist in the states through the Randine lewis website and she sent me a full diagnosis and recommendations. I'd be happy to share it if you were interested about what it might tell you. She did a prescription for fresh herbs, different ones for follicular and luteal phase. It's quite expensive though. It's easier than I thought to brew plus tastes not too far off ordinary herbal tea.

Artemis and Joy I think asked me my plan. At the moment since feb after FET, then 3 rounds of SO with immunes, then the anti b's, then fresh ivf with immunes, I just feel like I need a medical time out. We've got 4 frosties left so will defo do some FET sometime before next Easter. Then maybe we'll do one last fresh go at ARGC. In the meantime I'm going to brew herbs, go to acu, follow the diet plan as much as I can, nag dh not to drink etc. I might go to Dr G for final tests we haven't had, but can't face someone who is going to be blunt with me just at the minute. I'm also feeling a bit like I want to chill in the new house. I'd love to leave all the painful memories of failed ivf behind in the old house, but am sure in a few months I'll want to have another go.

Coco I have the opposite situation in that dh would pursue ivf unlimited if it were up to him. I just don't know how many times I can put myself through it.

Well that's enough about me! This iPad makes it easier to post but harder to scroll back to see messages so sorry if I've not responded to anyone.

Hello All, just wanted to say I am still alive and child free. Just needed some space to think. No matter what people think secondary infertilty is as bad as the first time I had issues before DD. We have given up totally, no charts, no more tests and I haven't even been back to GP. Being told we need IVF and not why we need it and that we would have to fund it (impossible) broke our hearts. We have decided to move on and leave it. Just wanted to thank everyone for the support with a nasty horrible part of our lives and I wish you all well

Ah Bunny, I'm sorry to hear that. Am firmly hoping you'll be one of those stories of 'oh yes I gave up and that's when it happened'. And on the primary / secondary thing I'm a firm believer that until something happens to you it's impossible to really know how it feels. Best of luck to you too.

Hi all. Well after my mini tantrum (thanks for the comforting words ladies!), the appointment was fine. They were running late, but we went to a coffee shop and read the papers until they were ready to see us. The appointment wasn't amazingly useful, but we did discuss whether to use any donor sperm this time (we decided not to) and they're gonna put me on antibiotics after EC to prevent the dreaded cystitis. They can't prevent the post op bleeding that I had at the wound site, but at least will be aware of it. She suggest Proxeed for mr gin. Has anyone else used this? Looks v expensive..She was v dismissive of imsi, I think because they don't offer it!

Oh and apparently I have to have a dildo cam to make sure everything's back to normal, before starting the fresh cycle at the end of oct. She offered to do it then and there, but we had to admit to having had a morning shag, so we'll do it when we go back next month. Soooo . Felt like naughty school kids! And it was our first bloody shag in about 2 weeks! So I bought a handbag afterwards and felt better.

Anyway, enough of me...

buzzy I'm so sorry about the temp drop, but your new friend sounds lovely. I find having someone to talk to who's in a similar situation really helps. I'm hoping that the red bitch hasn't shown yet and doesn't appear at all!

bunny you sound so calm and sorted. It's such a hard journey for us all. Big hugs and good luck with everything.

care enjoy your walk! Time out from treatment sounds a really good idea - you've done so much this year! I think mr gin would be perfectly happy if I said lets stop treatment and adopt. I don't think he realises how much work the adoption process is...

Oh sar, stupid ertd. As others have said, it's so much harder when you think it might actually be happening that month. And you are right about the clinic and bad associations. Not so much with tears in my case, but being butchered and having needles etc stuck in me! Even the hospital type smell when we got there made me shudder! Not long til your FET now. Are you medicated at all during it?

Hi rum! Great name. Mmmm Sailor Jerrys. Hope the period pain has subsided. I'm 34 and my consultant kept going on about how young I am. Guess it just doesn't feel like it when most of my friends are upduffed.

coco mr coco may well come round to the idea of ivf. Mine thought I was being overly dramatic, until the drs told him it was icsi or no baby... It doesn't help when other people say 'it may happen naturally' - for us it's bloody unlikely! I'm sure he'll get there eventually. I found clinic open days helped mr gin too.

doll is it your birthday today?! If so hope you're having a lovely day and some s.

Welcome el and ouch re the cauterisation! They thought they were going to have to do my EC puncture site and the idea of that was bad enough!

rabbit at nephew weeing on your jigsaw top. Maybe I'm not ready to be a mum, cos that fills me with horror! Although our fur baby weed on me last night...

mrsd I really hope you're enjoying your holiday a little more. I was thinking about how patient you've been waiting for ivf. I could not have waited as long as you have done. I'm sure once you're nearer to starting it, you'll feel a bit better. It makes me feel like at least we're doing something, even if it doesn't work.

mrsm hope you are still recovering well.

Waves to everyone else. Can't remember what was said in previous pages! Would it be useful to do another list thing with our info, seeing that we have a few lovely new ladies?? I'll start below..

gin me 34, Mr Gin 33. Ttc too long to count 26 months. Mr Gin has OATS - v low count, crap morphology and motility. Things with me seem to be ok. One failed icsi round in April, using mild ivf and planning a fresh round in October/Nov.

Sar I'm so sorry. 20-howmanyever months on and I still feel completely gutted when there's a month when I think & feel I'm in with a chance and it turns out to be nothing. And I also share your deepest fear. It's terrible.

Buzzy I'd like a cycle buddy.

Carebear I've heard about that book as well, another friend recommended it. I'm off to see an acu tomorrow so I"ll ask them about it as well. And I'd be very glad to see what was recommended to you if you don't mind sharing it. (Thanks so much for offering!) The changes that came about in your cycle sound very similar to what I'm aiming for in mine.

Bunny all the best for your future, whatever shape it takes.

Ginsoaked I'm glad the appointment went well in the end. And thank goodness for retail therapy, I'm not sure where I'd be without it. (Frumpy and depressed, albeit with more savings, I imagine.) I also like your idea about the list. I'll continue and add myself to it.

gin me 34, Mr Gin 33. Ttc too long to count 26 months. Mr Gin has OATS - v low count, crap morphology and motility. Things with me seem to be ok. One failed icsi round in April, using mild ivf and planning a fresh round in October/Nov.
rum 31, Mr Rum 30. TTC 22 months. 2 early MCs. Diagnosed "Unexplained", HSG soonish, another year to wait for NHS IVF.

gin me 34, Mr Gin 33. Ttc too long to count 26 months. Mr Gin has OATS - v low count, crap morphology and motility. Things with me seem to be ok. One failed icsi round in April, using mild ivf and planning a fresh round in October/Nov.
rum 31, Mr Rum 30. TTC 22 months. 2 early MCs. Diagnosed "Unexplained", HSG soonish, another year to wait for NHS IVF.

Will check in later but I'm out, ERTD here ho hum

Xx

Oh no shit Princess I'm so sorry, that's really bad news, and surprising, I really had my hopes up for you. Are you okay?

And sar hope you are feeling a bit better.

buzzy what's the situation today?

bunny my very best wishes to you, however things turn out.

care on the blood type diet. Rum I redid my test (I always come out as something different, because I go no, no, no, no, no, maybe, a little bit, ok yes, no, no, no. That 'yes' is not always at the same place). So I'm 'tired'. Did Mr Doll's, turns out he is 'tired' too. Yeh, that's right TIRED of all this bullshit. I looked up 'tired' : sensitive to the cold (no) feels cold, poor circulation (no) catch every bug going (no) digestive complaints (no) poor appetite (no) puts on weight easily (no)......I am tired though

You are right gin thanks, very sweet of you. I'm feeling ok about it and feel it may be helpful to me in a way. It's been a real milestone for me, and i think it will be good to have it over and done with. I had a haircut yesterday which filled me with pre-birthday rage. Trying to be zen 'it's just hair' now. But seriously...details for your amusement tomorrow. X

gin at buying a handbag! So glad that the appointment wasn't so bad. I know what you mean about getting upset before appointments these days. I get all tearful or angry at the thought of more waiting around too.

princess Oh for Gods sake I am so sorry about AF when you had dared to hope. Big hugs.

sarlat Big hugs for you too. Our bodies are a bitch when they taunt us. It really does seem like a cruel game. I tell myself every month that I won't take any notice of my body and each time it seems to throw some new thing into the mix that gets me hoping. Well I am so sorry that you were so cruelly hoaxed this month. BTW I have the same dark fears about it being an immunes thing and nothing will stick. I mentioned it at my CD10 scan last week and my doctor said that immunes issues are rare and if you go down the route of immunes testing then something will always "be found". It kind of made me feel better.....a bit.

buzzy God not you too. I was so hoping for you. More hugs. I understand what you feel when you said "how could it not work?". I felt exactly that with 3 eggs on the boil. It is crap and I want us all to get our bloody BFP because this is hellish. Lots of love to you.
BTW that angel pin was nice

mrsm I'm glad that you lap is over and went okay.

Heart hugs to you, this is so tough and I am sorry you are feeling so low.

artemis how is the UTI? I agree with Sarlat that maybe it is your body's way of telling you to take a break.

Hi rum and commiserations on AF. I hear you on the lifestyle thing. Me and MrP finally watched that Horizon programme on fasting. We have decided to follow the 2 day a week fasting regime. Apparently it sorts out your insulin levels, makes you lose fat, lowers cholesterol and encourages your body to regenerate cells rather than to simply renew. I wonder whether this might have a bearing on my shitty, crusty eggs. I need to loose Clomid weight so hey, nothing to loose!

Rabbits Boo for no ovulation. Mine is playing silly buggers too. Disappearing EWCM and disappearing faint lines on OPKs only for a faint line to reappear the next day. I am officially confused.com!
Your nephew made me laugh!

Hi eleth*

critter am cheering on your follie to grow.

doll I get that just knowing thing at around 10DPO. It is pants and makes the 2ww so much more unbearable when hope is dashed so early on.

mrsd Poor you. Please enjoy your holiday. I was watching an advert for the Paralympics (sp?????) and the strap line was how for some people their paths in life are more extraordinary. It struck a chord with me. Us ladies will get our BFPs but we will take a more extraordinary path than other people to get there.

coco Wow at natural or nothing. Can I ask why MrC thinks that? Are you okay with that?

Well like I said up post I had my CD10 monitoring scan. The half dose clomid has only produced one egg which makes me think what is the effing point but my doctor said that the point is Clomid changes your ovulation somehow that can be beneficial?????? I have one more month of Clomid left and won't need to go back to the hospital until the IVF. Scary stuff.
I also for some reason decided to cry all over my doctor. It was after she told me that she had seen my Progesterone results for last cycle and wondered whether I was pregnant because they were so high. It just made me feel really despondent for some reason, like my body is doing all the right things but it isn't enough. Anyway she was so lovely and told me to stay positive.
I also asked her to be honest and tell me if things were bleak for me because if so I would rather know and start to process that. She said that for unexplained, 3 years of trying is the worrying point. I haven't heard that before and felt somewhat comforted. Anyway I have felt pretty down since the appointment and decided to take it out on the cable guy who parked over our drive (God knows what Princesses therapist would make of my anger ishoos!!!!). Standing there shouting the word "rude" over and over again was perhaps not my finest hour and now the neighbours will know that I am a nutter. I skulked out with the dogs this morning and felt like such an idiot

Buzzy - it's great that you have RL TTC freind. I hope you are feeling ok today? Thanks for being a super cycle buddy - here's to next month

Care - I didn't know that metal mouth was associated with liver issues in TCM - thanks for that tip off. I haven't been drinking as much water as I should and I did put away a fair bit of the old on holiday recently - so maybe that is what it is and I just need to hydrate my body again. I know what you mean about having a new diagnosis to play with - that feeling of enlightenment and then plotting new plans gives renewed hope doesn't it. It's great that you have a mountain bike. We went for a walk around Clumber Park this morning (north notts but not actually where I live). I was very impressed with all the cyclists. Next time we go DH and me are going to hire bikes and give it a go.

Bunny - you are a very special and very brave lady. I'm sorry that your heart is broken. I sincerley hope you find some peace and get the happy and carefree life that you deserve. I know this is a bit of an obvious thing to say but even though DH and are still hopeful, these days I am trying to aim for happiness rather than a baby or nothing. I hope a baby gives me happiness but becuase I can't control that, I am trying (not always managing) to find 'happiness'. Sorry to drivel on. I think your journey has been exceptionally hard and Care has some wise words above. If and when you feel up to it, please pop back on here and let us know what you are up to and how you are. Take care and love to your family!

Gin - so glad that the appointment wasn't a stomach churner! It's great to hear you are all set for October (whispers autumn BFP). I love the fact that you had to opt out of dildo cam . The handbag is a great idea. I think we should all buy ourselves a lovely item straight after clinic / hospital appointments. I can't remember if you have looked in to accupuncture? I have had woo of many a variety and personally I feel better for it. But interestingly I read an old ET discussion thread this morning that said acupuncture directly after ET is supposed to improve odds of success 2 fold. I am having this treatment myself anyway and knew it was supposed to help but didn't realise just by how much. Anyway, just some thoughts to mull over - might not be your thing. I'm not medicated during my cycle. Partly to reduce stress but partly that I read stimming drugs can increase fallopian tube fluid in those with hydrosalpinx (although my clinic say this isn' the case, but then again they are wrong about a lot of things). Transfer will be around 20th of this month, give a take a day or two.

Rum - thanks for the kind words - it is sooooo hard somtimes isn't it. xx

Princess - gosh I'm sorry the old witch got you too. Do you mind me asking has she come early? I thought you were about 10 dpo very recently? Or maybe I just can't count. Has this cycle been different for you? Hope you are enjoying your spa treatments.

Doll - happy birthday. I look forward to hearing your updates tomorrow. Thanks for your lovely words.

Pout - what you said about immunes reassured me. I have been wanting to believe that immune issues are really rare because then on an emotional level I can start to believe I am in with a chance. However, I know it could still be an issue for me. I understand the dark fear and I'm sorry you have it too. It all just becomes a big illogical mess doesn't it. We make these lovely follies/ embryo's and then nothing ever seems to happen. I suppose we should look at it like natural cycles. A perfectly healthy couple could take 12 months yada yada. Therefore maybe we need a good few goes of our supported cycles to get the same crack of the whip and be on an equal playing field. This goes for a lot of us - Care, Buzzy and anyone else on SO, IUI, IVF, etc.

Thanks for all the support yesterday. I am feeling ok again now. The crying did help. I had a boogie in the kitchen this morning as per Care's suggestion - it did make me feel loads better. I have put myself on a 'programme of fun' [GRIN] leading up to my FET which is roughly 3 weeks away to see if I can get my head in the best place possible. Anyone want to join me?

It involves one really nice thing eveyday eg) dancing like an idiot, going out for a meal, watching a DVD, going to cinema, massage or woo thing, bar of choclate, going for a walk, glass of wine, watch a comedy, plan next years holiday etc etc. Some things may be expensive so I will have to adjust accordingly. Prior to my first IVF cycle, I moped about and felt very very scared. I am NOT prepared to feel like this anymore. Blows rasberry to universe

Joyce and Rabbit - how are you getting on? Euro - I think you might be on overseas work at the moment? Wherever you are, I hope you are well and happy.

Oh, I might might might be able to come to the London meet up. If Princess or anyone could PM the details that would be great.

Oh Pout - wanted to say sorry for the tears at clinic. Hearing the Dr say she wondered if you were pregnant must have felt like a double edge sword. Your body DOES know what to do. It's just a case of waiting for the golden egg and olympian swimmers!

Just realised that I didn't make the immunes thing very clear. What the doc said in a round about way, was that is she doubts I have an immune problem, they are rare and if you go down the route of testing then some kind of immune discrepancy will probably show up but be insignificant for conception IYSWIM!

sarlat I like your idea of doing something nice everyday. I think sometimes we get so worn down by everything, TTC and life! I was thinking how since MrP and I have started TTC there has pretty much always been some source of angst/worry/irritation in our lives. I am sure that has impacted in some way on our TTC efforts. I have resolved to try and take a step back from the people in our life who cause us upset and have a while of relaxed SWI before IVF. Easier said than done probably!

doll happy birthday! I hope you are spoiled rotten.

I forgot to say in my last post to bunny how I am sorry that you feel broken by all this. I really admire you for making the decision to take a step back actually. Good luck to you and hugs.

care ha I looked at that diet and also realised I didn't know my blood type either, although I do now

coco it seems like me you gin ? sar and princess will all be cycle buddies thanks to the miserable bitch witch

princess big hugs, I really am sorry

pout you just think with more eggs you stand a better chance and as we know that we can make a baby I really did think it would work, I fear more and more than IVF won't work either

gin at dildo cam, I bought myself a little jug with the union jack on it, who says retail therapy doesn't work

doll thanks for asking, ERTD is here,sometime in the night, its very thick and dark red

bunny good luck and big hugs

sar glad you ae feeling better, i'll pm you meet up

well I had a bit of cry today, mainly because I feel guilty that all I obsess about is having a baby when poor Mr B is trying to find a new contract as his job ends this week :( He spoke to his mum today but didn't ask to much about it, I think she might have offered to help out with the cost but I doubt she has the slightest clue how much it all is. She did say that she thought I was a bit down and depressed, funny because last week she was telling me that I seemed more cheerful

Well, I'm home. Back to school is upon me.

Lunches made. Check.
Wasps everywhere, Check.
Loads of big fat suns on the long term forecast. Check.
Sinking feeling in pit of stomach. Check.

I will weep silently inside as Countyfile heralds the end of the weekend.

It would appear that cycles seem to be synchronising on this thread, god damn, I thought we'd get an early sept bfp.

princess and sarlat so sorry you had promising signs, it's so cruel. I am observing mine as an outisider now. I've had them all and they've all meant nothing. This months is agonising nipples. I think I had them about 342 cycles ago. I hope you are both ok. Cd 1 is always shite. It was shite when I wasn't even trying after the op. Be gentle with yourselves, you will get there.

buzzy comiserations too. I'm sorry the IUI didn't work out. It really is head scratching stuff isn't it, as to why it doesn't just bloody work. But you can make babies, this will happen.

pout how galling the doc thought you might be pregnant. It's great though that everything seems to be working so well, it just all needs to align itself together. I didn't realise it was half the dose, is that because there were three eggs or because you felt poo? And is it better on half dose? By fasting do you mean actually not eating? Hard core!

artemis how is the devils illness? I hope it's eased. I really should chat to you about it, there is NOTHING I don't know about cystitis!

critter but I didn't know about the sunset orange magic pills! What are they called? Pom poms to you follie!

bunny sorry things are still so hard. But it sounds as if you have made firm resolutions, good luck with things.

nelly how goes things?

rum you sound inspiringly healthsome! Hope af hasn't left you too blue.

Sorry if I've missed anyone out and wave to joyce care and all the 10 plus festival goers.

I spent the weekend with family and all their offspring. I am the only one of 7 cousins with no children, so it was great at bringing home the barren. But it was nice too. I'm cd23, had a feeble temp raise apparently at cd18 according to futility friend so allegedly 5dpo, but it all feels a bit off balance. Who knows. I Do feel my cycles have been detrimentally affected by the op, I'm getting ewcm by the bucketload and not necessarily at the right time . Maybe I'm not even ovulating properly, in which case maybe clomid won't be too much of a silly concept. I'm alright. Apart from the nipples. I never thought that almost two years on from chucking the condoms I'd feel less stressed by it all than at the start. But I reserve the right to retract that comment according to progesterone levels

Oh gin at both handbag and dildocamming refusal. Im glad it was ok and that you treated yourself.

My turn to cluster post. Please will someone write me a note so I don't have to go

rabbit I'd give you a note if I could. I just dropped Little Doll at the nursery for the new term sporting one stripped mitten. Some kind of spin on Michael Jackson?

Thanks for the birthday wishes Pout

Artemis I hope you are fully fixed. How are you feeling?

Can someone add me to the list please, can't cut and paste on iPad (to advanced for me)

akuabadoll me 40 Mr Doll 47, TTC over 10 years, never pg. "Unexplained" and living in hope.

gin me 34, Mr Gin 33. Ttc too long to count 26 months. Mr Gin has OATS - v low count, crap morphology and motility. Things with me seem to be ok. One failed icsi round in April, using mild ivf and planning a fresh round in October/Nov.

rum 31, Mr Rum 30. TTC 22 months. 2 early MCs. Diagnosed "Unexplained", HSG soonish, another year to wait for NHS IVF.

akuabadoll me 40 Mr Doll 47, TTC over 10 years, never pg. "Unexplained" and living in hope.

Sarlat - me 32, Mr Sar 48. TTC 2.5 years. 1 miscarriage at 6 weeks when first began TTC. Hydrosalpinx on left tube but not fully blocked and suspicious, sluggish right tube and no known cause of tubal issues. DH has borderline morphology and motility but very high counts. 1 failed fresh cycle of IVF and natural cycle FET to come Autumn.