TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

Hears/here's

Hello! And thanks for the welcome.

For those who enquired about my particular brand of Woo, I basically bought this book, which described me as Tired and Stuck (which sounds utterly correct!) and have started doing as recommended for those types. It's nice to at least feel like a Woman With A Plan even if it might be a misguided one. To be honest, even though we tend to try to eat healthily anyway, I've known that I've been having far too many take-outs and bottles of wine, and have recently become an Olympic standard couch potato, so all of the diet/lifestyle suggestions made complete sense to me.

From there, it was a small leap to the Woo. I've tried acupuncture briefly before, and found it very relaxing, but probably didn't give it a fair go at doing anything else, so I've got an initial consultation booked for Monday. I already had this Fertility Flow Yoga DVD, which is lovely to do, so I've dusted it off, and I've dusted off my BBT and started back charting too. And the book suggested a whole heap of herbs/supplements. I'm normally really averse taking them, but I did once take some totally random pills from a TCM Dr, which gave me the only pain-free period of my life (before I abandoned them out of fear of poisoning my kidneys or somesuch), so this stuff that I could all find at Holland & Barrett/Boots seemed pretty innocuous in comparison. I'm taking agnus castus, baby aspirin, chromium, EPO, royal jelly, wheatgrass, a prenatal multivit & various teas, at least till I get bored of swallowing capsules. Does anyone else have any experience with any of those supplements?

Princess - fingers crossed indeed! Sounds v promising. And I'm sure a potential bean will appreciate a little posh champers. Your therapy session sounds like it was really useful. My therapist is currently on her summer break - I'm sure I'll have lots of anger to dump when next I see her!

mellow - feel free to adopt the term! Goodness knows I haven't stopped teasing DH about it since the clinic nurse used it. I hope you recover from your op soon, and I'm sorry about the blocked tube. It is good to have a plan of some sort, though.

rabbit - enjoy your travels! And isn't 5 days of EWCM a really good thing? So TCOYF tells me, anyway. Maybe you'll ov today and your temp will go up tomorrow?

eletheomel - hi! Your first time round eventual success is pretty inspiring. I hope the 2nd comes soon. And yes, it is so hard to speak to others about. I think fear of pity, and feeling as though I must seem a bit pathetic/desperate is a huge part of that me.

joy - I'm doing... OK, emotionally. Well, right now I am, last week after being seen in the clinic for the first time I hit my absolute low point of this whole journey so far - I was a mess. I'm grateful to have recovered at least some of my equilibrium and optimism. I'm so sorry you're where you are - I too can't imagine ever facing my first cycle of IVF, which is what prompted last week's meltdown, I think. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you through it.

care - the tea that you're taking - is that from a TCM person? Are you also into the Woo?

doll - nightmare little kids provide the rare moments when I still feel really grateful to be childfree. But yes, it's a miracle anyone makes it through childhood alive & sane.

artemis - I'm sorry, I missed your post earlier. Poor you! UTIs are the devil's work. Feel better very soon!

Ha rum I have a book by the same authors (called Making Babies), same stuff I'm sure. I like it as far as it went for me, limited by the fact that I couldn't identify 'my type', apparently I don't have one!

joyce I think it was prob around the ten day mark before we did it? Id missed ov so it might even have been after my next period. But you might be able to squeeze one in if you feel up to it. It made my tummy muscles sore and I did bleed a fair bit after mine, maybe for about 5 days? It was like a period even though it was mid cycle but il put this out to other lappers, it may not be usual, they gave my cervix a battering.

doll thank you for setting me free from my slug/hen curse . I know children are hard, I taught 4-6 year olds for 11 years (princess I often still think I am a primary teacher) and its probably why I didn't even think about children til my later twenties. I liked them, but I got to give then back. I watch my nephew spitting and screaming because how dare I give him a banana that is BROKEN, before weeing on my mums new sofa and wiping chocolate on my new silk jigsaw top - but still the broodiness it's an odd odd drive.

Welcome, oh no forgot name and can't scroll.. I know it wasn't ethel please forgive me! I'm glad you've got your story down. You've had an epic time of it. It's amazing to hear of post ivf wins. We will keep you company.

Thanks for the welcome :-)

Joy - Re: cauterising my cervix (get your legs crossed now!) After our unsuccesful IVF attempt, we met with consultant with a view to reviewing how it went and they flagged up that I had cervical erosion (basically the surface of my cervix wasn't as smooth as it would have been expected to be, but was a bit raw - I had no symptoms to had no idea this was the case). And I must add it is very very common and does not prevent conception, but I was told it is generally common in women who have been pregnant and/or have been on the pill. As I didn't fall into those categories, they decided to cauterise my cervix in case it was making a hostile environment to sperm (it involved them cold freezing the surface of my cervix - the procedure is a bit uncomfortable, but not painful and lasts about a minute, however the recover takes weeks as ultimately its an internal burn, so takes much much longer to heal than an external burn, with weeks of weeping etc, so no nookie for weeks.

That was my other abiding feeling with IVF, I felt that the procedures that are meant to lead to pregnancy, end up stopping you from having sex for weeks at a time while you have to use this hormone or that hormone, or recover from this or that.

Just as my cervix was healing, my husband to a sore back which took a couple of weeks to sort itself out, then I had a bad cold, so in total, we were nookie free for about 2 months, and so it was our first month of mad - ttc worry free nookie (after the failed IVF I was convinced I was looking at a future of no kids, but with more dosh and holidays to compensate!) that led to my conception.

I think if you are 'unexplained' it does show that you can manage it yourself (although depending on age, stage of life, depends on how long you want to give it before you start looking at interventions).

I didn't like the IVF process (I doubt anyone would) and we agreed that we wouldn't go down that route again for a sibling, so if the shagging doesn't work that's it for me :-)

Rum - I love your embrace of woo-ness, I have ordered and then cancelled most of the supplements you mentioned (scared of getting too obsessed I think, hence the cancellation) I will watch your progress with much interest though and will be back on internet once your BFP arrives!

Akuabadoll - totally with you on the hoping, and I frequently read 'success stories' when I'm feeling a bit crap, in order to reassure myself that it can happen, it does happen and to women that have had a much worse ride than me - Here's to hope!

doll that's funny. I'd tried reading a different, quite similar book a friend had recommended, and in that one I had a really hard time identifying my 'type', whereas in this it seemed obvious. I suppose really, I should see a TCM person and get a proper diagnosis, but the last acupuncturist I saw just confused me no end. Tired & Stuck I can understand. I'm simple like that.

You're right, rabbit. Broodiness is a very odd drive, indeed!

eletheomel I love your attitude. (And your story. Although ouch! re cauterisation.) And I've been eyeing up various of these supps for ages after seeing them recommended for various things I experience in my cycle. It's taken me about a year to give in to taking them! I'll definitely let you know how I get on with them. And I've been trying to tell myself that the flip side of 'unexplained' infertility is that there's really no good reason why I shouldn't be able to get & stay pregnant. So, I'll raise a mug of my fertili-tea to hope!

Hello guys, and a big tail feather waggle in particular to the newbies!

doll so glad that sudocreme is doing its thang. I only discovered it as a spot treatment last year and it's been a life-saver. I think the fact that it is calming is what makes it so good on the hard, inflamed lump style spots - as opposed to your common or garden whitehead, which seems to respond better to benzoyl peroxide . It seems to quell their rage, so they are then easier to cover up.

care thank you for the wiggle advice - I thought of you this morning and cranked up my Robyn on my ipod as I walked to work.

artemis oh CRAP about the UTI. They are the worst, the absolute worst. And how infuriating that the CM has appeared at exactly the wrong moment. Here in the US you can get these amazing UTI painkillers that turn your pee sunset orange. You still need antibiotics to see off the infection, but they stop it being such agony. If you PM me, I'd be delighted to send you some.

lemon so glad you are still here. You're our lucky talisman! Fart and burp away, the tent is well-ventilated and you have the best excuse!

princess I am so hoping this is your month - not to add fuel to the mentalling, but those signs do some promising. I was initially bristling with irritation on your behalf when I read that your therapist said you were 'an angry person' as it seems like a needlessly aggressive thing to say, and I also think you have every right to be angry. And I don't think you are 'an angry person'. I think you're wonderful. But if you say he was nice and that it was helpful, I am slightly mollified. And the advice about seeing yourself as a whole person, not just a mother-in-waiting, makes a lot of sense.

sarlat so sorry about the spotting, how incredibly frustrating. Really hoping this isn't it for you, but if you are out this month, you have those lovely frosties waiting for you, ready to settle in. It will happen.

joy onwards and upwards. The IVF appointment will be here before you know it.

Sorry not to name check more. I had my scan this morning and my lining was still on the thin side and my one follie was about 12-14 mm, so not ready yet. Dunno why my body is so slow to do anything. I have to go back on Tuesday (which is also my third wedding anniversary) for another scan. Hey ho. We truck on!

buzzy I was also going to say - I am so sorry that you're spotting and feeling sad, it must be incredibly disappointing. But remember - lemon got her BFP on IUI number 4. It is ok if this one doesn't work, you will have more bites at this particular apple! You are going to get there in the end.

princess it sounds very promising fingers crossed for you

artemis sorry about the UTI, I had then constantly for 5 months when I was 19

rabbit enjoy your travels :)

rum and eletheo welcome :)

critter I think lemon was having her IUI on the NHS, I sadly cannot so the cost was
£305 for the drugs
£210 for scan and consultation
£770 for IUI
£1285 in total

I can't afford 4 of those :( and the specialist said ICSI had better success rates. So that is our next step. I have been recommended a place in Poland and a place in the Czech Republic, we are now just weighing up the pros and cons, obviously it is a pain having to get there, and I wouldn't be monitored on the drugs but they are so much cheaper and (offer free egg storage) than here so we could have more attempts. I thought I would check the HFEA site as I thought there might be cheap clinics in the UK outside London, but in fact they seem to get more expensive!!! The cheapest I have found is Create followed by NLC.

Can I just ask those who have had IVF or are thinking/about to, did you have 'assisted hatching' ??

Well i'm bleeding a bit more but not proper AF yet, temp hasn't really dropped. I would like to think that maybe one of the 4 has made it but I don't feel slightly remotely preggy :( I had a little cry last night but feel ok for now

waves to everyone

buzzy so you are not out yet. I'm hoping for you. Very tough. Hang in there.

doll thanks but I know I am, if it had worked I would know by now, I feel quite normal and my boobs hurt less and less so the last of the ovitrelle is leaving the system

Hi

Artemis - gosh I'm sorry for the UTI. I had a mild one 2 months a go and realise I got away lightly. I know you must be frustrated to have missed shag week.....but I am going to put another spin on things......maybe your body is telling you it needs a rest and time to re-balance - who knows where that will lead to next month? It is very possible / likely that you will get pregnant soon.

Hello to Eleth and Rum but sorry you find yourselves here. You have both had very difficult journeys! But I assure you, from now on, it will feel a teensy bit better now you are in our gang.

Buzzy - ICSI sounds like a sensible next step. I didn't have assisted hatching with my IVF but I'm aware it can be VERY effective for some people!!! In the mean time, there is every chance it will happen naturally just as it did before.

Princess - wow. Your preminition for autumn BFP's may be coming true. Those symptoms sound awfully promising.

Joy - each crappy step you have to take (lap etc) is a step closer to getting your baby. Please be very kind to yourself and as others have said, could you get a 'stomach bug' and get a week off work?? I really like my maya massage and really feel something inside is changing physically and emotionally (most of the time ). So I would recommend it.

Doll - glad the sudo is working!

Mellow - I hope the pain subsides soon. Chocolate????

Critter - I like the sound of your next scan being on the same day as your wedding anniversary. Sounds lucky to me. Have you tried hot water bottle on the belly to cheer on the follies and womb?

Sorry if I haven't name checked someone - it has gone busy on here today.

My spotting has continued (only at cervix, sorry for TMI). Not reached pants but then it wouldn't would it as I keep swiping away to check for contents. I know I'm NOT pregnant as just got another BFN. But it isn't usual for me to spot to this extent without full flow coming on. And I still think it has arrived early. But as I am having maya massage, maybe things are changing in my cycles and I just have to go along with it rather than torture myself in to thinking I am pregnant. I think I may be 13 dpo, not very sure. I guess bicth head the witch face will make a proper appearance tonight like a thief in the night. Gah AAAAAGH! Going to crack open the biggest bottle of rose tonight. Thanks for listening to my rants. xx

Buzzy - didn't read your last sentence - the fact that you don't have full flow of old witch and your temp isn't low is a great sign. But I know it is torture in equal measures. I have my fingers crossed for you! I think that woman who have been pregnant before (even briefly) don't always get sore boobs again with subsequent pregnancies when early on!

Mellow well done on surviving the lap and being so compus mentis afterwards! Hope the scar doesn't take long to heal. In the meantime if it were me I'd be milking the recovery period for all it's worth

Rabbit thanks for the info on the UTI expert woman. I can't find much actual advice on her website (just a big 'buy my book' button ) but I will try to get hold of a copy. I would far rather the self help approach than the drugs. The antibiotics don't seem to be kicking in yet but I hadn't even thought of using painkillers thicko so that advice was useful. Critter i wouldn't mind if my pee turned into Sunny Delight if the painkiller worked... I'm hoping I will be rid of this by Monday bloody well better be but if I'm not I will PM you, thanks very much for the offer

Buzzy the waiting is torture. I've still got my fingers crossed for you. And you as well Princess. I'm shaking my pom poms and hoping for those autumn BFPs.

Sarlat thanks for the positive thinking. I daresay my body does need a rest. I am shattered after the trip away (it's such hard work being polite all the time ) and I've got another 2 work trips coming up in the next fortnight. They will be fine but the travel is exhausting, I think I'm tired in anticipation. I'm hopeful for you. 13dpo is still early to test. When I get back from my epic travels I shall contact your Mayan woo lady as well as looking into private IVF. Despite what medics say about spotting and painful periods not being relevant it does interest me that the woo types all seem to agree that they are not good things.

Waves and welcome to Rum and Eleth. Rum I got a similar book recently called The Baby-making Bible. I understood the TCM stuff (though I seem to be every type going - they should have an extra type just called 'paranoid') but there is a lot on affirmations and positive thinking that I really struggle to take seriously. I think someone was talking upthread about negativity as defence mechanism and I definitely do that. Your plan sounds very sensible to me. That's what I'd be doing if I wasn't so old but the time factor means everything has to move faster than I'm really ready for - though I don't know if anyone's ever ready for IVF.

Eleth in my delicate state I'm really wincing at the cauterised cervix! Interesting that you conceived after two months of enforced abstention and a very hopeful story that you conceived naturally after all you've been through. It is one of the many ironies of TTC that so many of the investigative/treatment processes seem to involve not having any sex . Though at the moment I could happily sign up for that!

Joy and Gin I haven't ventured near 50 Shades yet but I overheard a loud and very uninhibited conversation about it in a restaurant the other day that would have been far more hilarious were I not with colleagues I didn't know very well! I might wait until I'm rid of the UTI before I acquire a copy though .

Care well done on the herb brewing, mini gag and healthy diet regime. I'm sure it will help to be in physically good condition. Do you know what the next step will be for you medically?

Heart I'm sorry for the upcoming due date. It is a horrible hurdle to get over. It took me to the one year anniversary to stop myself constantly thinking about how old my child should be but as time has gone on i've got better at accepting it just wasn't to be. Princess I think you were talking about that upthread. It's a very strange feeling and sometimes still gets me when i see people with kids of that sort of age.

Hello to Teu. Well done for poking the bear, I'm glad you got a positive response from him.

Akuaba glad you no longer have nappy rash on your chin and hope the entertaining goes well. Is entertaining business colleagues easier than entertaining small children? Sometimes i wonder.

Lemon I have designated a special extra comfy corner of the tent for you with big pillows, cashmere throws and excellent ventilation

Waves to everyone, hope you all have a lovely weekend Poor Mr A is getting a bit twitchy - shag week would normally be under way by now. I am waiting for him to point out that there's nothing wrong with my mouth. At which point I will try to replicate for him the pain of a UTI

buzzy I didn't realise you were paying for it yourself, that's a bugger. ICSI sounds good - it's good you have a plan. But I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this. The money does add an extra pressure on things that you have no control over. I really hope that the spotting is a false alarm.

sarlat the hot water bottle is a thought - I'd never heard about that before. Worth a shot. I am sorry about the spotting, and the ongoing uncertainty - I would be skittering about like a cat on a hot tin roof. Hang in there. You bring us so much positivity, the universe has to pay it back to you soon!

my temp will drop tomorrow, I know I'm not pregnant

Buzz - in that case, crack open a bottle of wine and share a virtual cycle buddy drink with me. x

Joy, could you not ask for a different date? I had a blood test on my birthday and that was bad enough.
Buzzy, I hope the temp stays high and af keeps away.
Frannie, Im thinking of you and your family. I dont know anything about vacs but I do know a couple of people who got pregnant on exotic holidays with no Ill effect. Clearly that nurse has never had two years of trying.
Hello to eletheo and rum.

I'm on holiday and having a pretty miserable time if I'm being honest. Everyone round here seems to be pregnant or gorgeously glamourous. I feel too bloated for my new bikini. I keep bursting into tears and I'm feeling the lowest I have in some time. I promise I will snap out of it by my next post. Waves to all.

mrsd you shouldn't feel like that on your hols, just keep telling yourself, all those preggy women won't be half as wonderful as you at motherhood and as for the glamorous ones, I bet they are all ladyboys

sar do you prefer white or red

I had a bit of a breakdown earlier, all this looking at clinics got a bit much, Mr B did say yesterday that he would look at some of them next week for me when he had time (busy looking for a job right now) So he got upset because I was upset, I think he would prefer to do it here and said we have the savings for it, I just feel its so much to risk on something that has no guarantee, but then if we don't try........... MIL did mention helping out

sorry about it being me me me selfish cow

buzzy you're not being selfish, you've had a big blow. I'm sorry about the tears, and the financial worry added onto everything else. If your MIL could help you both out, that would be wonderful.

mrsden I'm so sorry you're feeling rotten. I bet you look gorgeous in your bikini. And you will join the preggos soon!

sarlat enjoy the and roll on the FET!

Artemis sounds like you're having a really shitty time. Sometimes I think how great it would be if we could get updiffed with a decent bj, but then we'd suffer lock-jaw and throat infections instead I guess
I had UTIs for many years and couldn't shake. Then took antibiotics for an ingrowing toenail and it sorted it but not the toe

Hi rum welcome and sorry you find yourself here. That's crap that they are only now checking you out. I've not tried any of the woo but I think it sounds like a fab idea to make you feel a) that your doing something and b) relaxed and pampered.

princess promising sounding symptoms! Big crossed fingers for you.

I'd like to have a rant...
MrC has said he does not want to go for either IVF or adoption, so it's natural or nothing. We waited to start trying till we were in the right place financially but this means I'm now a stones throw away from the big 40 and biological clock is getting deafening. I took a well paying but high stress job that I hate in a final bid to get this baby show on the road. It took two and a half years in the job before we finally agreed the time was right. Now I feel the time pressure is on and knowing stress doesn't help makes me stressed because I think I'm stressing. Arrrggh !

I type so slow..I can't keep up with the thread.
Welcome eletheo your final success with #1 after so much heart ache is really inspiring. I hope your stay here is short and sweet

Another anagram I don't know, swi..
shagging with 'im?.. steamy wild intercourse?..

Oh mrsden feeling crap on holiday is the worse, ignore all the preggos and ladyboys.

Artemis If you are type 'paranoid' I'm 'unaware' and 'totally fucking missing the point' as my answers to all questions is either 'no' or 'that's a stupid question', 'what the hell is that supposed to mean?' 'compared to what?' followed by 'no'.

rum what is your view on how men are supposed to fit in to this deal? I find the book confusing as it appears to be mainly directed at women with occasional reminders that there is some sperm involved too. You answer 'type' questions for the man too so it influences the type that you end up as. I don't get it. My partner is not actually part of my body.

rabbit further to my amazement that humans survive childhood is the incredible idea that there are people around that will actually teach them. Hats off. I taught two academic years of first year undergrads many years ago, that's as young as I'm prepared to see in a classroom.

Hope you are feeling okay this weekend sar and buzzy

I'm in the hopeless part of my cycle, a few days later than it normally occurs (10 dpo). I woke up this morning will a certain feeling that I'm not pregnant. I had an interesting conversation with Mr Doll on the one shag wonder last night. He told me he woke up that morning with a strong feeling that we should get down to business, a coincidence I guess that I ovulated the same day. I think though a less intense shag week schedule is the way we should go, 2 or 3 around the right time, leave it to him a bit more. Quality over quantity like princess's booze.

X-post coco Sex With Intent but yours is better.

Also Artemis I forgot to say, your antibiotics should have kicked in (I have a lot of UTI experience) you should certainly feel better on Monday. Got the drugs from GP? In your shoes I would make a return visit on Monday if you still have symptoms.

I'm being a grumpy old bastard as we're off to the fertility clinic in about an hour for our ivf consultation and I don't wanna go . I know they'll be running late, we'll have to wait ages, hand over £150 and they won't be able to tell us anything we don't already know, or give us a baby. Humph.

Will catch up with you all properly later, once back from the stupid clinic!