TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

gin I'm reading 50 shades. It's giving me ahem inspiration for shag week - nothing like a bit of filth to get one in the mood. Sorry to hear about the painful period - hot water bottle and a nurofen plus? I am getting excited for your next round of IVF - October will be here before we know it. And that's good about your DH's friend - I hope they can get in touch and talk about it, it's hard for men to open up.

lemon thanks for the brownies... yum!

nelly really hope it goes well today at your appointment - I will be thinking of you. And enjoy the lovely woo afterwards, let us know how it goes! I agree about the word womb, sounds very Biblical to me. Stressed out sex is the worst - I really feel for you (I quite often get a stingy undercarriage after or during action). Especially when combined with TTC misery. It's a wonder that we're not put off it for life, given how much pressure there is on it.

rabbit I love the rating system too. You are a hero to be sanding woodchip - that sounds exhausting! It will be satisfying when it's all done, though. Glad you're feeling relatively upbeat about things. I agree with you on the whole out of control thing - you can only do your best to stay healthy, take the medical options that are right for you, and then the rest is in the hands of the universe. That's how I am trying to look at this too.

sarlat you write so well, and thank you, as others have said, for your post. I am really willing this next cycle to work for you and your DH. I love your DH's positive attitude. Those electric pulse sensations sound very strange, and I am not surprised that you're confused. But three weeks is no time at all, and we will all be cheering you on.

mellow ooh, glad you're having some nice wine. It does make everything a little better

princess Add me to the list of people drooling over your bath tub. It is my dream to own one of those one day. As a side note, the only thing that is smaller in the US than in the UK is bathtubs. Americans think they are gross and tend to prefer showers, so for some reason, they build tiny baths. When MrC's parents visited the UK they were stunned by the size of our bathtubs. I absolutely love baths, and have converted MrC to how wonderful they are. You can't chat to someone and drink wine in a shower! Miss Teen Mississippi is so totally different from me that we actually get along really well - she's from a very poor town in the south, is African American, stunning (she looks like Bambi) and always beautifully dressed, nails done etc, but also very, very funny and kind. She was very sweet to me when I moved out here, and for the royal wedding last year, she came and watched the whole thing with me at 5am, wearing a massive hat for the occasion.

We had a lovely time at the lake, boozing and playing board games. It was great. I had my dildo cam scan today and my lining was still thin and the follicles were still small, so they're probably going to call me in again on Wednesday or Thursday. Oh, and I got some weird visual disturbances on Friday night from the clomid - if I moved my hands, I saw a sort of trail of images of the hands, like slow motion animation, in the sides of my vision. I'd had slightly flashy lights a couple of months ago, but thought I was imagining it, but this was definitely very trippy. When I told the nurse about it this morning, she said that they wouldn't do any more clomid with me if I was getting that particular side effect. Something for our clomid-taking ladies to be aware of.

Hope everyone is enjoying the bank holiday weekend! And waves to euro, mrsd, doll, teu, frannie, pout, buzzy and everyone else that I've missed.

Hi,

Do you mind if I join you lovely ladies.
I've been with my OH for 14 years and we have been ttc for 14 months.
I got my first BFP in June but had a mc a few days after my 12 wk scan.

I'm desperately trying to stay sane about the ttc and avoiding cycle obsession but need a little reassurance from others in the same boat.

I see that there is mention of a circus tent but all the brownies seem to have been eaten, so I've brought some cupcakes with a choice of lemon, strawberry and butterscotch icing.

Welcome coco! So very sorry to hear about your mc. How awful that it happened after your 12 wk scan - you must be devastated. I hope your luck changes from here on out, and in the meantime, you are in great company. And thank you for the cupcakes, don't mind if I do!

evening ladies, I have returned from the land of shit phone reception, I seriously have had no phone or internet for days, and have quite enjoyed it, still trying to catch up but need to have a shower before MIL pops round

Hi ladies. Woo one down, one to go. So interesting. Hypno lady was very nice. Lots to catch up on. So appt this morning. As I mentioned earlier, it was a nurse appt so no need to worry about shag order . So the doc had "decided" we'd go long protocol. Also 300 of menopur daily which I think is max dose. Essentially ignoring my concerns and requests. Mr N and I had a long chat and decided ok we'd do it their way. So talked through process, etc, filled in paperwork and agreed I'd call in at the start of my cycle. MrN has to go back to do SA. We'd told the consultant he wouldn't be able to do it this time as its mid-cycle but that hadn't been communicated.

Anyway then went to woo lady who was subtly negative about this doc. Has given me the name of another clinic that I had dismissed as too far away but they have a satellite branch nearer my office. She said they are more modern in their approach and frankly she sees better results. So we will try to see them ASAP to discuss options.

Will fill in on woo later.

oooh so much going on........

rabbit like your preggo rating system, at the moment I'm not feeling too bothered by preggy/birth announcements but that could change at anytime. Our spare room will stay at it is for now, I couldn't face decorating for it to be wasted.

critter love your riding the walrus, it did make thanks for the boost but to be honest I'll be a mess if IUI doesn't work, I'll be getting comfy and decorating the marquee of doom on the weekend

princess sorry about the preggo announcements :(

joy sorry about AF big hugs, Good to hear that your level 1's are ok

mrsd I can relate to most of your list at 14 I don't think Mr B would except for the tears when AF arrives.

gin glad to hear that your fur baby is better

nelly I hadn't thought about the fingering, must make sure Mr B uses hand gel first I agree with Sar about changes each month, I hardly get EWCM but I know I ovulate, I only get the pains because of the drugs, hope your other woo went well

sarlat bloody well make me pregnant then!!!! :) I've had funny pains too trying not to think what they could be what I really want them to be So what happens with the caster oil, the towel and clingfilm???

coco welcome and thank you for the cupcakes, sorry to hear about your miscarriage, its heartbreaking my last one was 10 months ago, I can't help but wonder from time to time what I might of had and how old they would be now.

Oh dear I'm starting to feel emotional which is never a good sign :( I've had constan side pain on my left . We did have a lovely time away from it all, we stayed in a quaint little village with thatched roof cottages. We ate at the pub, I said to Mr B that I would like a big glass of he looked at me and said 'should you be drinking in your condition' I looked he said well you shouldn't drink if you are pregnant' I then said that its way to early to be updiffed and to bring me a big glass of I don't who will be more upset if it doesn't work, me or him :(

waves to everyone

Welcome Coco but sorry about your M/C. You will find comfort and giggles on this thread! . Hopefully your stay will be short.

Buzzy - sorry I didn't talk about the castor oil thing earlier. Basically, you need special palm leaf castor oil (think that is what it is) which is then soaked on to a flannel. Then applied to the area - in my case belly. Then a heat pack such as a microwave thing is applied and then all wrapped in cling film to keep it in place. Actually I'm not sure if the heat pack goes on top of the clingfilm instead. Then you lie like this for an hour. The alterantive way (which I did as had no heat pack thing) is not to use a heat pack and just wrap self in cling film over the flannel and then go to sleep all night like that. Either way, enough heat will activate the oil to penetrate below the surface of the skin. I plan to get a heat pack for next time. This shouldn't be used after ovulation however. I think there is more info on the internet. My reflexologist also used this technique to disolve a begnign breast cyst. But I wouldn't like to advocate anyone just doing this - I was given proper guidence and advice from my maya lady. It is supposed to be very helpful for clearing bloackages and re-establishing inbalance in the pelvis etc.

Nelly looking forward to hearing of the woo. I was on menupur 300- think they go up to 375 but not sure. From an egg production and quality point of view, we did ok. But I am NO expert and don't know how other regimes compare.

sar sounds a bit messy and I wouldn't want to mess my new laura ashley bedding :), I have one of those wheat bags you heat in the microwave. My acu people kept going on and on about warming my womb but it supposedly never happen, easier and cheaper for me to use a hot water bottle.

buzzy glad you had a break away, keeping fingers you are our second IUI win.

coco hello to you, I'm so sorry you went through such a sad thing, and after presumably a good stint at ttc too, that must be really tough. Come hang out in our many tents, I hope you reach the gold tent quickly.

nelly how do you feel about the long protocol? I'm glad the hypno lady was good and I hope the reflexology added strength to the wooness I must do that, one of these days.

critter the clomid head sounds yuk. I had v bad migraines on the pill which is one of the reasons I came off it, coupled with a breast lump (benign but had to have op, I'm a map of scars). I always had that traces type vision and halos by the sides of my eyes about 12 hours ahead of the attack. I'm not reckoning clomid is going to do me any favours. What happens next for you of no more clomid? Eek about small baths. I have a big big bath and would be lost without it.

gin how strange and yet comforting to find out of people I'm Real Life who have had ivf. I know one couple but not well enough to ask about it. It worked for them 2nd time. Sorry about a horrid ERTD. It wouldn't have put the girl in the book of poor filth off! I read it. I thought it was bobbins. But I read it at lightening speed and finished it. I'm currently reading a good book that isn't badly written and it's taking me loads longer

So it appears my lazy right ovary has finally decided it might lay an egg, if it feels like it. I ran out of ov sticks so this is based on knicker watch. Now, I have a theory I wondered about. There have been a few bfps on here and on other threads I lurk on where the person says well, I never thought it would be this month, we only did it once or twice. It keeps happening! Is less sex maybe better? Just throwing that out there.

rabbit I don't know what other thread you are lurking on but with comments like that I would delurk, I suppose you feel the more you dtd the more chances you have but to be honest, when its happened for me we only did it twice both times. I don't think I could face EOD, we've only had sex once this whole month and that is fine with both with us :) Also depends on the guys sperm etc, Mr B is better with a few days rest in between

buzzy it's not over til the fat lady sings. We will be here to hold your hand either way, and in the meantime I am hoping with every bone in my body that this is your month. When do you test?

rabbit at knicker watch. That's great news that you're ovulating - hop to it with the action! hop - geddit? because you're a rabbit? Oh dear. It sounds like you might struggle with clomid, to be honest. I get nasty headaches too - I got them on the pill and I had a really horrible one about two weeks ago - not migraines, but unpleasant enough to know that a real migraine would be no joke. On your theory - I have no idea, but I have noticed the same thing. But really, it seems there is no rhyme or reason to this whole ttc thing. I can't find any pattern. But less 'duty sex' sounds good - quality not quantity and all that.

sar I have some castor oil in the cupboard from an abortive attempt to try the OCM from the Style and Beauty thread. Maybe I should try it!

nelly interesting about your doc, and about exploring the other doc. It certainly can't hurt to get a second opinion. Looking forward to hearing how the hypno went.

critter I'm due on Sunday, OCM???

Hello ladies

OK have now had all woo, eaten my dinner, done the ironing, and am now sitting down.

Firstly welcome to coco. As always, while it?s nice to meet new people, it?s never good when someone has to join us. I?m so sorry to hear of your MC ? after the scan is very tough, that?s normally when people start to relax a little. I hope your stay here is short, and the cupcakes are very welcome.

OK I?ll deal with today first. Useful for me to write it down but feel free to scan-read!

So as per my earlier post, MrN and I decided to opt for the pre-appt shag. Thought I was getting a scan today. However it was actually just our overview appointment. Again as per upthread, MrN couldn?t do his SA. We?d told the Doc this last week after we realised today was right in mid-cycle, so he said he would talk to the nurses etc and someone would call me back, which never happened. The Wanking Manager was fine though and they?ve re-arranged for next week. Not really expecting a problem but you never know. This would determine if we need ICSI or IVF.

So then saw the nurse. Repeated a urine sample as there had been blood in my urine last time (5DPO ? I?m convinced that was significant but hey ho) and it was fine. So the nurse broke the news that the Doc had changed his mind about the protocol. I felt totally railroaded. Given that the last time we were there I ended up doing my AMH against my better judgement, I wasn?t prepared to make this decision today. However the nurse described it to me thus: In short protocol, the follicles will grow at different rates, and some may be ready whilst others are still growing. Whereas in LP by starting them all at the same stage, you are more likely to get multiple mature follicles. Hmm ok sort of see that, but still not convinced. Anyway decided to go for it. Still against my better judgement though. I also mentioned I was taking the baby aspirin and the nurse said she?d mention this to the doc. Got a subsequent call back to say the Doc says I have to stop it. Well, I'm not going to, not this cycle whilst there is still a chance I'll get a natural BFP. I'll go and research implications for IVF but I've seen plenty of people say they had it suggested to them .

Anyway, so far so good(ish). MrN and I had a nice lunch, then I went to woo lady (with filthy trash 50 shades imagery in my head ). She was very nice. Firstly we talked a fair bit about technicalities and when I mentioned my reservations about the LP, she mentioned the other clinic. Basically she said it had better results (although not in so many words) and that as a bigger clinic it had more tricks up its sleeve, was more up on the current research, and she sees more successes there. Of my current clinic, she?s not known anyone do SP ever. Telling in itself I think? So she?s asked me to contact the other clinic to talk to them and see if they have a differing view. I immediately felt positive about this, as my gut reaction is so not comfortable with where we are. Was a bit late to get them tonight but I?ll do that tomorrow.

So onto the Woo. After we?d talked through tests and protocol etc, she explained that her main job was to remove the stress from the situation. She explained that the uterus is simply a muscle, and if you have too much adrenaline and cortisol then it can be essentially ?tight? as all muscles are when we are tense, which is not helpful to implantation. I think I buy that, albeit I?m still not buying the goddamn Just Relax line! She also said that she refers to all her ladies as ?mums? after she?d just called me that and I must have looked shocked. She said oh yes, you will be a mum, you will be pregnant. I wasn?t 100% sure about this, a la joy?s experience of this; but on the other hand, I decided to go with it and quite enjoyed the positivity, especially after the last couple of weeks. She has given me a book to read which I think is partly techniques etc and partly success stories. Also a relaxation CD. Today was a deep relaxation, and although I didn?t go Zonk into a comedy coma, I did find myself feeling ultra heavy in the chair and very very relaxed. Which is always nice. Was also taught belly breathing which I need to practice, so I can use this when I find myself getting stressed. She will give me tools to help me control how I?m feeling. We?ll work on things such as fears, positive visualisations in other sessions, but in the meantime I have to practice the relaxation techniques which will make it easier for me to go to that state next session.

Then had reflexology which was fine ? did feel ultra calm and she said everything felt good.

So summary ? I felt better even after the IVF appointment, as I felt like I was re-establishing control, despite the protocol debate. Was glad not to see the doc as he really sets my teeth on edge, another reason to consider moving. I really liked the hypno woman, I felt she knew what she was talking about (was very knowledgeable about IVF) and I most certainly feel calmer and more positive today. I even had to nip in to John Lewis and managed to walk through the baby bit without bursting into tears. Next appointment isn?t for two weeks which should in theory be start of my next cycle and hence IVF. In the meantime I have a hot weekend away (hot weather, not necessarily 50 shades hot ) but am under strict instructions that I shouldn?t be drinking. As has MrN, but I haven?t broken that news to him yet.

Hmm have a feeling I missed out heaps of stuff I meant to say. I will post this and try to catch up, but general hello to everyone in the meantime.

Gosh lots to catch up on. Firstly rabbit don't tell me your theory re so little sex! This cycle we've done Tues night, Wed night, Fri night, Sat morning, Sun morning, Mon morning.... going to likely have a break now until we go away on Wednesday. Anyway lots of months we've hardly done it at all but just around OV time. As MrN appears to have good sperm results, I'm hoping our alternative approach of flooding my uterus with swimmers means at least one of the little fuckers has to catch the egg . I think I maybe did ovulate eventually too (I say eventually, it's only CD12 here but I normally ovulate around now). Didn't get a positive on a stick, but then I hardly ever use them. Tried it Thurs and Sunday so assume I missed it?

buzzy I so hope this is your month, but as Critter says we'll be here either way. I hope MrB is right though. That'd be so lovely :) I am a little alarmed that I mentioned fingering on here though. I sound like a teenage boy . Hopefully I can look back on this one day and realise this was the low point of the whole thing, when I felt the need to share quite literally the innermost workings of our sex life to strangers on the internet.

critter I like the sound of your life, bath notwithstanding! Sorry no sign of activity yet, fingers crossed you will get big fat follies soon. The visions sound a bit alarming though .

Right need to go to bed, and who knows might even get in one more shag for luck. I'm not telling MrN the bad news that he has to give up booze and caffeine for the next few weeks, at least until I've had some more of his swimmers.

Hope everyone else who hasn't be cluster posting like me is doing well, I'm sure once we are all back at our desks everyone will be back. Oh this was my theory today. Is the increase in infertility these days because we all sit at desks so much and hence are constricting/reducing blood flow?

Answers on a postcard please!

nelly glad you are feeling better about things, will be interesting to see what the other clinic has to say. I was offered SP and this month I managed to produce 4 follies all about the same size, so imagine that has something to do with it.

Buzzy I am quietly optimistic for you this month, that sounds very promising. You know that feeling we get about expecting pg announcements in rl, ala rabbit's scale, on reading your post I now realise I do this with mn posters! You would definitely be a category D. The 'pure love' poster from that other thread is an A* imo

Rabbit loved your scale, it is very true. I find those people who are very matter of fact about things get a b or a c, whereas those people who immediately get very over excited and cooey get an a. That's tres cool that your cycle seems to be normalising and ECM is appearing. (love that I can now congratulate someone straight faced about their cm ). Maybe yours is just a system that won't be rushed, and has just taken the last couple of months to settle back. Hope so.

Welcome coco. Not sure many of us will be able to help with avoiding cycle obsession though tbh, this group of ladies seem unshockable with any level of tmi, it's great.

Princess I was sorry for your Friday night tears. It's lovely that even though she's pg you can still have those conversations. My two besties haven't had kids yet, am dreading it in case it changes things, they're such important friendships. Hope you've had a better weekend. I agree flagstones and roll top bath sound gorgeous. I am picturing a cross between the flake ad and Kate winslet's gorgeous cottage in 'the holiday'.

Critter I am shocked at the us bath situation! Didn't they invent the hottub?! I agree baths can be filthy places, but they can just be used to wash in too, ho ho ho. I like the sound of your weekend and bambi, she sounds like she's up for a laugh.

Nelly glad the hypno was good. Interesting your doc is going for long protocol as I thought that was used where they expected good results, so isn't that a good sign? I have to say that whilst I am open minded about any woo or any medical approach, I have come to the conclusion from my own experiences that I will take advice from woo people about woo things, and advice from docs about medical things, but not sure about inter changing them if you know what I mean. By all means investigate other clinics and make your own mind up. Just mo.

Sar I'd read about castor oil packs and wondered what they were, thanks for that. I too have a 'cold womb' to go with my cold feet. Funny that I didn't notice it for 30 something years but it is true that there's a cold patch below the belly button. Maybe it's just cold as it sticks out and loses heat more easily!

Waves to Joy and everyone else, and other new people.

Well afm had fair few sobbing sessions this weekend. Was a significant anniversary and found it hard to take. Has even reached the stage where family members were obviously nervous about congratulating us for fear of bringing it up (we don't talk openly about ttc but is fairly obvious now). I just don't understand how it could have reached this stage. Does anyone else have surreal almost out of body experiences where you think, this can't really be happening can it? Anyway dh has voluntarily talked of giving up booze and is still very positive it's all going to work out. I think he may be a few years too late to catch my eggs but will keep going anyway. At 34 I still feel too young to think of stopping altogether, though I have been thinking I need to divert at least some of my time and energy into something else. I'm not an animal person though (ducks) so will have to ponder what. Have done the house renovation thing, mastered (ahem) needlework, done most sports. Hmm......

Anyway, sorry if that was bit negative, don't want to bring the thread down, but it sure is good to get it off your chest eh.

Nelly cross posts, that's an interesting theory about the desk jobs. And about the fingering. You're in good company here though. Am still chuckling at Joy's (?) nut sucking story. What was the woo book called?

care I'm so sorry about the tears. This is a rubbish journey really isn't it? Who was it up thread that said each cycle is a loss, a mourning. Magnified exponentially when you've invested more than "just" a few shags and gone to the stress, pain and expense of IVF. Hugs and some of coco's cupcakes for you.

You are totally right of course about medical vs woo. Just to clarify though in case anyone thinks I've been hypnotised . I wasn't very happy with the doc anyway. I've never been keen on LP, my googling significant medical research tells me it's quite an old approach and most definitely not ideal for women in my situation. My gut doesn't feel comfortable with the doc, so I'm not trusting his advice, which when the cost is so eye-watering is ridiculous. As far as I can tell, he does it one way. No discussion. My hypno wasn't at all trying to talk to me about protocol, just that it was obvious I wasn't feeling happy with where we were. She said if I get a second opinion I'll either be told the same thing twice, or maybe feel I'm being listened to more.

Ps book is called It's Conceivable by ??lynne Eastbourne?? (it's upstairs, too lazy to go check!)

thanks for the welcome.

rabbit I got my BFP after we got 'lazy' and had only had three shags in six weeks

critter the clomid head sounds scarey!

I was hoping to chat to Dr and possibly get something like clomid but MrC is convinced if we 'mess with my system' and make me produce more eggs, I'll run out of them sooner.

nelly at wank manager, if only that was their real job title. Sounds like the other clinic is a much better option, the current Dr sounds like a bit of an arse. Even more at fingering. It seems like I've found the right home, I had a serious giggle and felt I hadn't done that in too long. I like the sound of your woo lady experience and have decided to book myself in for a massage in the hope that it'll relax me. I haven't done this in years, getting quite excited about the idea.

hi coco , rabbit this cycle, including the surprise early AM event, is a one shag wonder. Yep, that was it. If charting is to be believed I ov'ed the same day so that was the sum total of the duty shagging with house guest. I think the more or less shagging arguements can go both ways, but this worked for me this month and certainly took the pressure off. Nelly I'm just jealous of course and also Nelly if these guy only do LP then a second opinion is certainly in order. Good luck.

Hi all
Welcome coco sorry about your MC. I couldn't take clomid, I had letrozole for a few unsuccessful cycles, which does the same thing - I certainly ovulated according to scan and progesterone.
nelly I feel I might have to go and read up on LP and SP, but I think if you don't like the Dr and don't feel good about the clinic, checking out some other places is a good idea - it is such a huge deal and expense that you need to feel comfortable. All the woo sounds great - you've nearly persuaded me - if I'm not upduffed by an arbitrary date November, maybe I'll seek out an acupuncturist or reflexologist.

care I know what you mean about 'it can't be happening' feelings. Maybe rather than giving up, giving it a break for a few months?

buzzy I really hope this month is for you, fingers crossed.

Quiet week here - have laparoscopy on Thursday - anyone had one? I've been told to take Friday off work and then a variety of opinions about whether I need any other time off. Suggestions?
I don't know if I'm more worried that they will find something - or that they won't I'm afraid of having blocked tubes and endometriosis - risks of ectopics and all sorts of horribleness - but treatable and perhaps just a - need to go to IVF -push. But if it is all normal, unexplained Scares me even more!

nelly I don't have a desk job, so don't think I can blame that!

Actually mellow there is a bunch to dialogue by 10 plussers on lap recovery times, anyone remember, is it on thread 7? I wouldn't go back to work until the middle of next week, particularly if you are not desk bound as you mention.

mellow I would have Friday off, I've not had any of these investigations but you need to look after yourself, if you don't feel right on the Monday then you can call in sick.

coco It can take a bit of adjusting to the drugs but if it increases your chances then you have to decide if its worth feeling crap for it. I'm in two minds to be honest.

nelly at the end of the day, you know what is best for you, and you have to be comfortable with your decision, remember no uterus no opinion!!

care I'm sorry about the tears, its hard to hide to heartache sometimes. I felt it was all a bit surreal when I had a cry in Shehatas office, I can't believe I am where I am now, It sometimes feels like a bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon my hobbies to help keep my mind busy are photography, knitting, embroidery and at the moment I'm teaching myself to crochet with the help of youtube :) But I do find myself thinking of TTC whilst doing these things

well I tested today to get bfn so the ovitrelle is now out of my system. Feeling stressed out with work right now, not good for implantation or my uterus, feeling emotional as well so its not looking good :( Oh well I better get back to it scoff two of *coco's cupcakes to console myself while thinking when will it effing be my turn!!!

Afternoon all,

Wow, it's been busy. I'm not sure I'm going to name check everyone. Especially with a rumbly tummy that's (literally) calling out to be fed!!

Hope everyone had a lovely bank hols. We are pretty much moved out now. Just the dregs to go. We should complete next week. The flat is very echoey with so little in it. DH and I had what seemed like colds yesterday and both felt poo, so spent the day resting, although I had a huge melt down about TTC (I think I was feeling low with the bug). I had pains in my groin and lower back and chest and was on the verge of mentalling (could this be implantation cramping and low immunity?) until DH pointed out that a) he has a cold too b) the implantation cramping was probably swollen glands and c) stop being so obsessed!!! I consulted Dr Google and I do indeed have swollen lymph nodes, they would appear to be fighting this cold. Damn. 7DPO today, the hormone fog is beginning to come in and I'm not feeling hopeful. Anyway, I've booked in an appointment with a therapist (helped DH years ago) as the "not coping" has been happening a bit too frequently, even with all of the distractions, nice things and supportive friends on-line and in real life. I'm looking forward to my first sesh on Wednesday. However, whilst I was going over his website this morning I came across an app that he recommends called Buddhify, which is meditation on the go (for walking, travelling, at the gym and at home). I had a go this morning and I found it much more convenient than my mindfullness book / audio, which I've not really been committing to. Just in case anyone wanted to have a go and it's only £1.99 from iTunes. So, as a therapist he focuses on coping strategies, empowering techniques and giving you tools rather than just talking for an hour. He also does hypnotherapy, which DH had and that really did sort him out. I have been inspired by Nelly too this weekend :) I'm hoping I can get back to a happier place and be more stable in the future too. I feel very strange at the moment. Still it could just be the stress of moving, the announcements and the cold. I think this trio would make anyone feel crapola.

Coco sorry you find yourself here and after such a traumatic time too. You poor, poor thing. You'll find yourself in good company, although I think we are all cycle-mentalists (not of the Bradley Wiggins variety either!) so you may not escape cycle mentalling with us :)

Critter glad you had a lovely weekend - I'm very jealous of all your amazing weekends, retreats and hols etc - very jel indeed . Bambi sounds amazing - that's really sweet to watch the Royal Wedding and to wear a hat!! Sorry you had to come back to your scan though. Your trippy experiences don't sound great either... what's next after Clomid if the next round isn't successful?

MrsM FX for your laproscopy. I haven't had one. Lemons did though, shortly before her BFP, maybe some inspiration there?! Hope it goes well xx

Nelly I'm a firm believer of going with your gut. I think it's always nice to have someone to back you up though. It sounds like you should go to the other clinic for a second opinion. I'm impressed with all your woo-ing and your no nonsense approach to all of this. And I'm sure you'll be looking back on this as the low point sooner than you might think.

Care I do have those weird out of body moments. Funny you should say that because I was thinking that by the time all of my friends babies are born next Feb, I would have had a three year old and a one year old. And like Buzzy can't help thinking what my life would be like now (probably smeared in chocolate and snot and not in HPP but I would imagine deliriously happy and at least on schedule with life). I think if I'd been watching myself this weekend I'd have been shocked and horrified and told that "awful women to get a grip of herself". I really don't like being like this. I don't know how much longer it can take for any of us really. People keep saying, it will be your turn next, but it never is. Surely it has to be one day? I'm sorry you had a tough weekend. Hope you got in some anniversary celebrations and that your DH spoiled you rotten. Big hugs.

Buzzy Still loving Mr B's positivity. at demands (a bit like my weekend) and I'm super hopeful for you too. Just another few days to go now..... Hope your MIL was ok yesterday.

Rabbit woo-hoo for knicker watch and the egg making an overdue appearance. I'm always in awe of people who know that they are ovulating. I have no idea apart from the little green stick and maybe finding some CM up there. Maybe. Very rarely does any CM make it down into the pants that's for sure - not since I was a teenager. Maybe I really did miss the boat on all of this

Gin sorry ERTD turned up. That's crap. Hope you are ok. It is nice to find out that people are going through it in real life too. We have close friends going through it (although they seem much more chilled than I am - ) and friends of friends who had horrible problems and had NHS IVF and had a first time win. Although we only have 2 examples and most of our friends seem to get there pretty quickly without any help (unless they are all liars!)

Waves to everyone else. Sorry for any doom mongering above. I'm fine stable really. I guess I don't write down the events that happen in 90% of the day when I'm laughing with friends, DH, at the telly, reading books or the paper, getting on with work, moving and all the usual life stuff. I'm sure things will get better for all of us. Last week was particularly crap, as we came back from a lovely hols to the announcements and to moving house and to not feeling very well and to all sorts of other things going on too. I'm sure the chirpy princess will be back soon. I'm working hard on it anyway. :)

Big waves, shakes of tail feathers, waves of sparkly knobs and pom pom brandishing at all of you.

Love, Princess xxx