TTC for 10+ months, part 9

[akuabadoll]

Ladies, number 9. The lucky one.

No I don't normally get a long build up. I normally have misery moods, cramps, then bleeding. This was the 3 month on stims - maybe my body is telling me to leave it to its own devices! Lord knows what it will do after a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy next month

princess 2 of my 3 best friends from uni are in the middle of unplanned pregnancies, both due in the same week in November. I almost refuse to look at texts or e-mails from the 3rd in case she goes the same route. I was home in May for 10 days and saw 14 pregnant friends (and about 5 newborn/new babies). I will join you in the tour of IVF clinics ignoring the chat about buggies, development and how tired they all are

Princess - grrr to pregnancy announcement. It's good to get it out of your system. Remember it gets better where you will feel fine about it. I remember my friend was in labour last year whilst I was lying on a bed with my legs up whilst i was being iui'ed. I remember weeping tears that I could be in such a different world to my friend. But your time will come.

Mrsd - goodness me, I wish i was like your husband and wish I dealt with things like him?but then again, i guess we wouldn't be women if that's how we handled stuff. oh talking of you taking out an ad in the Times, i already have planned in my head the text message we will send out when/if I give birth. None of this "William Smith born xxx mother & baby doing well" shit. I will be sending out something epic!

MrsM - please don't feel guilty about feeling ungrateful. I have spent many hours thinking these kinds of feelings through. The fact you recognise other people's suffering around you shows compassion but life is relative. You are not distressed because you can't get that big house or car you want?wanting a family is a basic primal need for most women. We weren't given a menstrual cycle for nothing so yes people are going through worse than all of us but it doesn't diminish what we are going through now. And sorry about AF> it's much worse when our bodies cruelly deceive us like that.

Omg mrsden other than points 15 and 16 our DH's could be clones.

Princess, I think moving into your new house will change things for you and it will be your time soon I'm sure.

MrsM I agree with Joy.

To all the conversations I've missed, I AF intelligent kind caring and witty responses

I"d love to come to the meet up

Oh shit joy I'd missed that AF was here, big hugs for you. And mellow agree with others, it's not incompassionate to feel your own suffering just because others have more fundamental issues. Boo to crap confusing cycles. Sorry about pregnancy announcements too princess, the shock factor is always a big issue. And mrsden sounds like you understand MrD very well.

Just a quick one as I'm waiting for an appointment to have my legs waxed. Lucky me

Drizz I agree on the fun stuff. It's good to have something away from ttc that is absorbing and that you can do togehter. That is why me and the mr have taken up shooting - it is something that we both enjoy, that gets us out and about for the day and that completely takes the focus off of ttc.

Artemis we also split up a few times in the early years (we decided to call it a draw at two dumpings each!), the last time because I decided I wanted kids and he didn't (neither of us did when we got together, aged 27). He came back after a few weeks and said he did want kids after all, just not yet (grrr) and I decided to wait for him.

Nelly those swimmers look really good to me. Mr euro has good motolity and decent morphology but the volume is almost always below 1ml and the count is never fantastic (and the small volume means the overall count is quite small). When he got the results of his first SA, the dr asked him if he had missed the pot... I used to think I had pelvic floor muscles of steel because I don't get much "fallout" but now I know that is because there isn't much there! Pah.

Oh god, princess not another announcement! ARGH! mrsd I love the idea of a plane with a banner attached. Or perhaps I could hire a zepplpin to float over London for the day carrying my announcement, if I ever have one to make.

Sorry about AF's arrival joy.

mrsmellow hugs to you. Our bodies can be a cruel taunter and I understand your rage and upset. I have been there too, wondering whether spotting is something good rather than AF. While I have been devastated at the time when it turned into AF, after the dust had settled I did feel relieved because I wouldn't want a scary pregnancy with heavy bleeding & cramps.

Please don't feel guilty about your problems in the face of what you see everyday. Thinking of you and liking very much the new look circus tent. Not sure about the lions but hey I'll get used to them

princess Bums to shock preggo announcement. That isn't fair - two in a week! I was thinking today about my cousin's impending birth (I do really love her by the way!!!!) and how envious I feel, so much so that it takes my breath away, and how I just want to move far away from everybody I know and cut myself off. Madness. Walking along clutching the remainder of my Clomid prescription and welling up over two new mums with their tiny babies didn't help my desire to up sticks and flee!

mrsd thank you so much for your post about MrD it has helped me put everything into perspective & realise a bit more that MrP isn't doing, or not doing, things to spite me or because he doesn't love me, he is just very much like MrD in his personality and ways. I did begin to reflect a bit too that maybe I am not supporting him very much lately and am too absorbed in how I'm feeling. Like joycep said about MrJ, he is very stressed with work and I can't be helping. I was walking back from the chemist today and thinking how I have two cycles left of Clomid and then we should have a couple of au naturel months before IVF. That isn't so bad and at least stuff is happening & I have a game plan. Maybe I need to hisses the words relax
sarlat I'm like MrS I think and would benefit from weekly meeting to discuss things like an agenda. I have a need to order things in my head that MrP doesn't seem to have. He bimbles along and lets life just happen. I am a control freak

nelly I have often mused on how we all could produce some kind of TTC 10monthPlus hybrid baby

Joycep Big loves to you about AF. Bitch! So sorry that you had to endure that meal last night and then get dumped on by the witch today. Not fair.

euro I'm liking the zeppelin idea.

Gin how is your furry baby today?

MrsM ouch! 2 in the same week and 15 when you came home? Where is the justice? I feel very short changed as I'm usually the pioneer of my friendship circle and I rapidly feel like I'm being left behind. I like your style with the I have done being very good at not drinking (only 1 glass a week last year for a good 3 months and 4 months of being tee-total this year) and most of the people that couldn't be bothered to give up drinking or whatever else they were up to and who were lashed at certain social events in my not too near distant c I went to not drinking are now heavily pregnant. Again, big sigh, where is the justice? I'm going to have with my pregnant bestie after work. Sod it.

Euro I do like the idea of doing something to keep my mind of all of this shit. It really does revolve around the 'new house' and I just want to move in. On my list of hobbies to do: join the local country club when we move and to take up tennis lessons, go swimming etc etc And I would also like to learn Spanish. I can only find a local class that starts in January but this will probably fit in nicely as I have to do another boring exam before the year is out.

Joy Really sorry to hear about the arrival of AF. And the thrush. What a shitty hand to be dealt. When do you get your blood results back from the GP? Announcements are the worst aren't they? They're coming thick and fast at the moment for me - I feel like someone's switched on one of those tennis machines and I'm being pelted without a racket. Soon I'm going to be surrounded by upduffed friends. ARGH! Still I had a moan to my other bestie last night who is much more spiritual (and who told me I looked the most relaxed I have ever looked last night) (oh and who's only just into a new relationship - unlikely to get pregnant) she's told me to remember that I've been doing nothing wrong and that I'm doing everything right and to keep going. She's brill and has been through so much crap herself in the past few years - it's good to have a non-pregnant understanding friend. Let's hope she doesn't get serious too quickly otherwise I may lose my last buddy!

Carebear nice to hear from you and glad you can make our gathering yay :)

Nelly hope the waxing went ok. I find legs much more painful than having a brazillian, which is bizarre. I'm going back to shaving (my legs) because I have no idea what to do in between waxes and I'm sick of having semi-hairy pins. Although I've just looked at the small village beauty therapists 'round the corner and I can have legs and foof waxed for the same price as foof alone in Brighton. Manicures are also cheaper so at least I can be well maintained on the cheap.

Well I've vented all of my anger at an incompetent at a life company for fucking something up beyond ridiculously badly. I think I may have ruined their weekend. They've certainly ruined my client's weekend that's for sure. As for me, they couldn't make my weekend any worse, so at least there's something.

Pout hour long x post due to above work crisis! I'm feeling a bit winded at the moment after so many 12 week announcements recently. That's a birth next month, October, November and 3 in February... I also have 2 more on my radar and god knows how many more surprise announcements. My that's going to be a fun Autumn Winter season. I'm so glad that I can go to my new home and make jam, live in the country, have long baths (in my recently refurbed antique bath), watch crappy telly in peace, start learning spanish, take my pension exam, exercise, bake, read, go on hols- oh and do all of this indulgent me me me stuff without a screaming baby keeping me up all night and puking / shitting on my new finest of finest organic high thread count egyptian cotton sheets. although I would forgive any bundle of princess for shitting on the sheets - cheaper than IVF that's for sure AND ULTIMATELY THE ONLY THING I REALLY WANT RIGHT NOW Ah stuff and poo sticks to the universe today. Universe I salute you (with four fingers - yeh that's right double fuck you in the face)

I don't think I've ever seen this thread so collectively down? I feel my shit AMH is taking you all down with it .

princess weird I just told my therapist I was stopping the leg wax 2. After 20 years I've realised I spend half of every month with mammoth legs. Sexy. Bless her, she tried to encourage me to have facials instead. I didn't tell her between the reflexology, acu, hypnosis, bloods ooh and IVF, facials were not on the agenda.

Despite lemons and ladygees great news recently, we really collectively need some more BFPs.

Nelly I was feeling very perky and positive this morning until the dreaded text. After shouting at the incompetent, learning that my foof wax will cost half as much, eating my favourtite sandwich, admiring how nice my nails are looking at the moment and having my favourite banana-hemp seed almond shake I'm feeling better already (I'm a fickle creature). Also, DH called to make sure I'm ok and to tell me our new kitchen / bathroom flagstones are "gorgeous". I'm even more looking forward to my glass of in an hour and a half. Things can only get better. Sorry if I've been too ranty today. Must. Do. Better.... It's 3DPO for cripes sake. The bean could be making it's way down the tube today (FX). It could. It probably won't be. But it could be. I've only had a few leg waxes and I'm not really that impressed TBH. Anyway, I predicted a September of BFPs. Maybe we'll all graduate together?

Oh and Fertility Gods. I'm very sorry I was so angry at your earlier. I'm sure you understand. Show some forgiveness and mercy and make this month a winner? Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase

I'm back from 2 days away (with preg announcement curve all thrown in for good measure) and the thread has exploded with talking! Will catch up and post v soon. Loves to all.

Princess ? i totally forgot about ringing up for results until you mentioned them so thank you very much! , i just called and all Level 1s were normal. Phew ? i can now count out sticky blood and other various immune issues. Immune level 2 and compatability dna testing next week. bring it on...i just want to find out what the hell is going on now. Sorry that the preggo announcements are coming so thick and fast for you. Mine thankfully trickle over the course of the year...from one school i went to, there is no one else from my year to have a baby now ? it?s just me. We were the first to get married as well

Nelly ? MrJoy can?t remember uni because of the amount of weed he smoked & apparently he has excellent sperm too. Yet I was a goody little two shoes looking after my fertility except when i was guzzling vodka I am going to get a sperm fragmentation test for him just to check that all that weed smoking didn?t damage his dna.

Talking of dna , i have often wondered whether i damaged the dna of my eggs because when i was at uni i often lay in bed with my laptop on my stomach either watching dvds or typing my essays. I have an awful feeling the heat or radiation may have done something to them. Do you think this is possible?

Pout ? is clomid being a bitch again this month or is it easier?

princess love your last post - it is like when you're a child and tell your parents you hate them - you don't really mean it, you're just really angry and need someone to blame - and i'm sure the fertility gods are forgiving like our parents

Thanks all - I agree we do seem collectively down... it is now Friday 5pm here.... I am leaving work, I am possibly if I don't go straight past on the way home going to the gym , I am going to have with non pregnant friends who won't talk about it ( or ask if I've tried ov sticks - why is that the first question so many of my pregnant friends asked, like they're a mini magic wand that works when you urinate on it).

I really should do some exercise, it does make me feel better.

On the wax/ shave front - I had never waxed my legs, ever, until last week when I too decided to try it. Weird!

joy sorry to hear about AF - but was it you that had improved thrush with AF?

pout focus on the game plan. I too am a control freak. Maybe make a list (with a few things you've already done so you can cross them off straight away? or is that just me )

princess your egg is floating around the top of your uterus picking a spot to embed, happily loved up with MrP's sperm. You will be smiling beatifically at your friends and asking pregnancy advice in the Autumn Winter season. September will be an amazing bfp month.

The power of positive thinking? where did the walrus and walnuts go?
Come on team - its le weekend !

joy I'm sure your laptop didn't make any difference - your ovaries are quite far in, worry not! Good news about level 1, fingers crossed for level 2 and then it really is just relaxing.

rabbit fertility enhancing cocktails, sounds ideal! I'll have 2 please

Joy you're welcome :) And glad that level ones are all good. Will you have to pay for level 2s or do you think you can get your GP to do those as well?! Maybe worth a try?!?! I'm sure that the laptop had no bearing on your eggs. I think it's men that have to watch out because it heats up the nutsack. And I can't imagine that the levels of radiation are that powerful that they would zap your ovaries (or a man's sperm) so badly as to damage the DNA? I hope not anyway. I am wondering about the MCs again and what caused them (misfortune or genetic problem - thanks to the Stork for putting this one in my head) and more and more think we will end up having the Fertility MOT + other tests at Create in October.

Hello Rabbit thank you for the fertility cocktail. Sorry you have had an announcement too. xx

MrsM loving your positivity. Yes, it is the weekend. It's a 3 day one. It's pouring down with rain. But who cares it is indeed the weekend. I'll try and bring some more positivity to the table. Oh and of course some . Because, let's face we all deserve a bucket full (or box full like Mrs Pout Snr) at the moment

Great news on the Level 1's joycep. I must admit immunes testing all clear would hugely relieve me!
You made me giggle about you and your laptop during your university days. I had an electronic typewriter and carbon paper

princess Yet again I have your house envy Antique bath. gushes and wets myself Makes my oatmeal monstrosity feel soooooooo good! Not! And for the record buying a red toilet seat in the hope it might distract the eye from said bath colour doesn't work, it just clashes horribly

mrsmellow Ohhhhh am liking the idea of writing a list with stuff I have already done and can instantly tick off.
I need to buy ov sticks again stupidly peed on all them as an HPT I was looking on ebay and there are loads of second hand CBFM....am waivering girls. All the talk in the item description of "hardly used. Bought it and was updiffed that month" is making me go all funny.

nelly at collective sympathetic depression.

rabbits Oh no, you didn't get an announcement too?????

joy sorry mean't to say that it's day 2 of Clomid (fucked up with that and looks like I took it too early but I'll gloss over that). I'm on half the dose this month and so far am getting less hot flushes but am getting chills?????? My mood hasn't changed and MrP still has to put on his flak jacket before coming in the house. Hey ho!

TFI Friday. Finished my week with my half year appraisal. All good, except "talent discussions all agree you are perfectly capable of achieving promotion, but just wondering about the focus". Yip funnily enough my work isn't my focus right now.

I meant to say, as I was torturing myself with google last night, I noticed that thread had resurfaced. The vomit-making loved up = getting pregnant. I knew what I was going to find when I clicked on it, but I did it anyway . Oh, if only love was enough.

Great news about the immunes joy. I was thinking the same about my netbook just last night; but concluded I was just grasping at straws trying to find any answer that wasn't "you're just too old". Which by the way applies to me, not you. And only because of my spectacular AMH fail.

Repeat after me. I am producing perfect eggs. They will meet the sperm, and I will have a healthy baby ommmm.

Oh god another scary thing I read last night. Apparently only c100 sperm make it to the tubes. WTAF? How does anyone get pregnant at all? .

rides in on a walrus, juggling walnuts

Hello all - I'm about to head off to Virginia for the weekend with MrC's best pal and his girlfriend who is a former Miss Teen Mississippi and just as awesome as you'd expect... very Southern and a lot of fun. They aren't even engaged yet, and are definitely our party friends, so it's fun to hang out with them because there will be no baby chat on the agenda, just a lot of strong cocktails, barbecuing and drunken late night swims. Just what the doctor ordered, as it'll take my mind off my scan on Monday and stop me having loony dreams about babies.

joy amazing about the Level 1s. Really pleased for you - good to have some great news!

mrsd Loved your list about your DH.

lemon have you seen my DH? Your description of him as huge, hairy, and a bit shy is spot on.

buzzy sorry you are feeling under pressure. I'm willing this to be your month, but onwards and upwards if you don't get good news next week.

Sorry not to namecheck more - I get overwhelmed when the thread is this busy! But I second Nelly - bring on some more BFPs!

A few more thoughts to add - have those of you with the wax/shave dilemma tried epilating? It's piercing agony but you can do it when your hairs are much shorter than with wax, and you get the same effect. And on the blame thing - I definitely have had my moments of blaming MrC for us not trying to have babies earlier (we've been together since we were 24, and I would have been happy to start TTC from about 5 years ago) and also not him wanting me to come off the pill after we got married, so that he wouldn't have to use condoms until we were ready to TTC... grr. But the anger serves no purpose, what is done is done, and I've made a decision not to think about it any more (easier said than done of course) as I can't change it and blame is such a damaging, corrosive thing in a relationship. We have talked about it - had a huge row in fact - and it did help to hear his side of the story. I think men hear stories of women having babies in their 40s and assume that that will happen to their wives too - they don't have the same biological imperatives.

Anyway - we truck on, onwards and upwards. Hope you all have gorgeous Bank Holiday weekends, free of stress and worry.

digs heels into walrus in an attempt to make it canter and frolic about

xpost nelly - I did the same thing, made the mistake of reading that thread about the 'moment of pure love'. Promptly felt .

Early evening post booze waves to all.... gawd I'm such a lite weight... one large sauvingnon blanc and I'm anyones.... So I cried in front of my pregnant bestfriend in public again about the announcement happening pretty much as I pressed the button to go to a fertility clinic this morning and how it made me feel so rubbish. She was completely lovely about it and said how the first thing she thought when she had been told was how I would feel as it would undoubtedly be really hard. Plus she was totally shocked as well. At least it's not a case of all the preggos united against the one barren friend and at least I now know that they are not all together in this. She didn't even looked embarrased as I grizzled and guzzled. I am a total embarrassment. I haven't got anything in for dinner yet, which makes things much more interesting, so I may have to take Mr P out, or else he can have rice cakes and houmous. Poor Mr P.... He'll be home to no dinner, a pissed wife and probably tears and a drunken lecture about IVF et al.

Critter enjoy your weekend. Miss Teen Mississippi sounds intimidating. But strong cocktails sound lovely. Hick

Nelly Urgh that sounds like a horrid thread. As I've said before, I should have a gazillion kids if babies were made from 'pure love' (pass the sick bucket, purlease) 100 sperm? FFS. Do you think they make it up (not the sperm the research / numbers people)? So, how many million sperm in the average ejaculation and only 100 get up there? That's just wasteful. And it sounds like rubbish. Although from our stats and I worked it out on paper yesterday, we are on cycle 23 not 22 and well our stats our crap. In fact, we've been trying longer than all of the 6 pregnant friends we have collectively. How's that for a fact.

Pout our house is tiny and I've spent half of what I could have spent on IVF on that fucking tiny bath. It was a salvage project that I couldn't do myself in the end but couldn't bare to give the thing up - so sent it away for proper treatment - yikes :-/ I could have bought a new one cheaper sucker Blindly I've been thinking that IVF is so unnecessary - I mean there's nothing actually wrong, I've been pregnant twice, I'm 30. BUT I refuse to be beaten to motherhood by all of my friends. I will have a baby / pregnancy announcement by Spring 2013. So the bath had better be worth it. Also, ignore the comments on ebay, I too made up some crap about only using it for one cycle... technically true.. I did only use it for one cycle. I use these sticks and I find that they work just fine.... www.amazon.co.uk/Ovulation-Fertility-Test-Strips-Pack/dp/B001G7STT0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1345831742&sr=8-2 they build up from light to dark over each pee near ovulation and then the stick goes arctic and they are cheap. I don't like clearblue anymore. They are like the Coca Cola of the fertility world.

I got the potential names out of my friend for her baby (she has a tiny bump - it's so lovely) and none of theirs are ours. Win. I was a bit scared. I've only revealed them to one person, my only other friend in RL who is having problems TTC (I don't think I've mentioned her yet as I invited her on here and I didn't want to be a gossip) and I know she won't steal them. She is way cooler than me and she wouldn't want any of my names. I even suggested one of the old names we have now retired to my friend for her baby. Because it would go very well with their surname and not so well with ours.

Well, there is only one way to take this evening and that is to the pub / tapas bar up the road or maybe bed with houmous and rice cakes

Sorry for my drunken ramblings.

Friday eve waves to you all xxxxx

Boo but also hooray for drunken ramblings princess. Sorry for tears but glad your friend was so ace.

I have just scared myself fucking witless with Google. Why oh why do I do this?

I feel sick. Again and not in a good pregnant way

Nelly step away from the Google... Sorry you scared yourself though.

I just saw that awful, awful baby and me advert. AND I can confirm that I am not sad I am angry. Stupid advert. Stupid women having scans and babies and stretch marks. Now I can't even watch non BBC channels, as well as giving up FB and potentially my phone. Or leaving the house. It's a pregnant women take over at the moment...!!!!!!!!!

Nelly - oh no at scaring yourself. I would ask you what it was that scared you but it would probably scare me too . Hence why I was asking about laptops on tummy earlier. Someone on FF has done ivf but none of the eggs fertilised and they think it's dodgy DNA in eggs so I think I have the same problem now caused By my computer. Let's all step away from google!!

Yes saw that awful thread - I threw up my dinner as I did when i saw that ghastly advert.

Critter - have a fab time this weekend. I am so impressed you always off to places!

Princess - oh I am sorry about your tears with your bestie. Glad she is being kind. Sorry you have been thinking about m/c's too. I think you have had very bad luck but now you are horns ally more balanced , I have much faith next time will be the one for you.

Pout - you're not much older than me so a typewriter?! Hahaha mind you I think we were dial up at uni so it was a bit slow. Blurgh to your clomid - crappy crap. Poor you, it all sucks.. Weirdly I had the chills last night.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

I know. It's my own fault. I am looking forward to the hypnotherapy on Monday and kind of thinking about asking her to re-set my mind to just not want children any more :(

Bloody pregnant woman. I hate them all.

I am about to soak in the bath again. Not only does it allow me to wallow in peace, I just read again about keeping your womb warm. I am now officially desperate, and considering cuddling a hot water bottle at night, even though it's August. Not that you'd know it up here though.

At least there is no danger of finding any pregnant women in my bath.