Don your capes and stick your undies on over your trousers for the BESH superhero thread

[HaveALittleFaith]

NC optional but not essential. Create your tag line and describe your outfit in detail. Wanna be BESH superheroes must prove their might by undergoing a gruelling set of tasks completing the BESHtionnaire hidden elsewhere in old threads
Fly on in and make yourself at home in our obviously secret lair :)

I cracked and texted him on Thursday night, in top teen stylee - "By the way, am up the duff." Then went underground for half an hour and came up to a series of incredulous texts. Whereupon I phoned him and giggled a lot.

Then came up here yesterday to massive hugs and happiness and everything. It's a disaster money-wise. I won't get any maternity pay or right to return as an on a fixed term contract. But we carried on trying in full knowledge of that and frankly I couldn't care less.

Too bloody right Norf . I know it's not much, but you'll still get statutory MP won't you?

Should do, yes. And if I can get myself a permanent contract somewhere, I think my right to return is protected regardless, even of I don't get an enhanced maternity package. But I will check that out properly.

Either way, you've won a baybee

So very pleased for you Norf

[not drunk, honest]

At this time of day, frankel? What are you up to?

And I haven't won a baybee yet, just a bfp. Am not really celebrating until a scan can prove its not stuck in the other tube.

No, honest, I really am not drunk!

I understand your caution, hope I wasn't insensitive.

Currently watching the Olympics and have been all day

Not at all insensitive, idiot :)

Good

Crazy Frankel!

Glad it went down well norf :) one day at a time, just hang on to the idea that the pee sticks are positive.

Oh dear, MSB is ill again He gets this when he's overtired - sickness/upset tummy, low grade fever. I have put him to bed to sleep it off.

Wooooo!

More gold! Go Jess

Yaaaaay. Great run and a brilliant win!

She's brilliant! I got to watch it while MSB watches the footie in the bedroom. Apparently they're chanting There's only one Jess Ennis at the football though!

Morning all! How are you all doing?

My plans today basically involve cleaning out the camper, providing the sickly MSB with cups of tea and possibly buying a dining table.

My plans:

Go to village shop to buy pastries and a newspaper (done)
Watch showjumping (in progress)
Cook roast lamb for Subday lunch
Veg out on sofa with HWHNN and watch more of the Olymoics

The MiL has just been despatched on the train to the airport so our home is our own again. I don't normally have the telly on when we have guests but I couldn't resist it this weekend. Wasn't last night fantastic?

It was amazing. I'm glued to the tennis now

Oh help, I think our marriage is falling apart. This may seem to come out of nowhere (feels like it). We've been fighting quite a lot - pant gate being just one example. Today instead of fighting, we talked. It's not good. MSB recognises he's changed a lot since starting his medication at Christmas and we are in very different places. This has all kicked off since we started disagreeing about how to spend the insurance money. He used to be quite passive and now he thinks he's assertive - I would say aggressive. His personality has changed so much I barely recognise him sometimes. He says I've changed too, maybe I have? In response to the fire and how he is with me.
He's lost his faith too which has a huge impact on us - standing firm in God is what kept us tight before. I don't know what to do? Clearly trying for a baby has to stop. He says he still wants to try to make it work but doubts we can reconcile our differences. He agreed to couples counselling but then said he doesn't think counselling works

Oh Faithy, that's hard. Does he recognise that the medication has played a part in the change in personality? Maybe he needs to discuss with his GP some of the side-effects. I am not sure that stopping TTC for a bit is a bad thing, it just adds to the pressure. Maybe give yourselves a chance just to be together and see if it improves things.

He recognises it but doesn't see it as a bad thing...he essentially prefers himself like this I don't He feels better able to assert himself. The question is: is this personality change because of the meds or is it who he really is without the hormones messing things up? He has a follow up appointment with his specialist in a fortnight. He's decided he will go alone so he can be more honest with the consultant about how he's feeling and if it's normal.

Oh goodness, faithy. What a hard and horrid situation.

Is the medication something he will be on forever? Would it e possible for you to go to the doctor alone or research alone how side effects tend to play out in this sort of situation - whether it's an adjustment period thing, or a permanent change to character.

Then I think I would say that even if he is sceptical about couples counselling I would hold him to it. The scepticism might be posturing, or it might be something overcome during sessions.

Also, you've been through so much recently that I wouldn't be at all surprised if that is playing a part as well, possibly in you and how you perceive him, just as much as in him, and I bet couples counselling will help with that.

As for the God thing, it is such a personal thing that I don't really k ow how to address it, but I don't know anyone who hadn't had ups and downs in faith, and in a lifetime together I think it would be exceptional if neither of you went through it. Is it the kind of thing you could talk to your priest about?

faith sorry you're going through this. Are there aspects of the "old" MSB that are still there? Can you work together on what you do have in common? Sounds like couples counselling and a chat with the specialist are both a really good idea. It's early days so stay hopeful - you've come through a lot together so fx you can come through this.

Oh Faithy, how awful for you.

I can't add any more to the wise words that have already been said. All I can say, in light of my own recent turbulence, is talk, talk and talk some more.

[hugs]

Thanks.

norf yes I think I will push for the counselling. I've done a bit of looking, personality change is common with the medication. He should be on it 2 years at least and it's been 8 months. The issue with faith is he doesn't want to try any more. We could ask church leaders to pray with us - they have before - but it seems futile when he doesn't believe at all.

Shreddie when I see him with DNephew he's still the same guy. He definitely brings out the best in MSB. It's really the only time he laughs, around DNephew. I'd not realised that actually, he doesn't seem to have many emotions at all. He seems almost...blank. Unless he's angry. When we talked I cried all the way through, he was stony faced. Maybe it is the medication? Never of us are going to walk away obviously, we're just struggling to see how to improve it.

I did suggest we do 'date night'. We don't really do a lot together. Not sure when that changed. So maybe we'll try to go out once a week, get a bit of romance back. It all feels very functional even the sechs and we're more like roommates than husband and wife. Except when I feel like his maid.

Oh Faithey you poor thing.

As North said, the faith thing is very personal and most people go through stages of faith in my experience. Personally, I went through a religious phase in my teens and I am now a complete athiest. Maybe I will end up as a Bhuddist or something later in life. I think it is normal for faith to change as you develop as a person.

And as someone who has just been on IVF drugs for a short period that turned me into a completely different person, I realise how hard this must be for both of you. The difference is that I really didn't like the miserable, loopy emotional person I was on the drugs.

Definitely get him to the counselling and make sure you find a counsellor you are both comfortable with. You have both been through so much with the fire plus ttc it is hardly surprising that some cracks are starting to show under the strains.

See when we met he'd only been a Christian a year but was really passionate about it. But lately, it's been so tough he's just abandoned the idea.
You're right euro with everything that's gone on. Almost be more surprising if we were ok! He can get Relate sessions through his work, he's going to ask his colleague (sad friend who stayed with us) who is currently having Relate with his missus.

MSB has just hugged me and said he didn't know how but we would get through this which has encouraged me - I wasn't sure til then that he really wanted to.