TTC after a miscarriage - springy BFPs for festive beanies

[mygirllolipop]

Here's hoping for a shney new spring thread with lots of spring BFPs and some festive beanies so here's some sticky dust...
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Love and luck to all who need it, x

Hi Rubles,
No, last pg was planned. I fell pg first cycle. DP was happy about it, and was devastated at mc...gave me his word we could start ttc asap. I had an infection following mc, so was advised to wait till had first Af.
He says he had reservations about ttc last time but knew how much it meant to me. He didn't want to say anything. Now he has, I'm devastated.
Just don'rknow what to do...
Thanks in advance.
Mips xxx

Mips,

No advice but in a similar position myself so hoping you get some good advice!

I wonder if he just too frightened about it happening again? It's still very recent and very raw for you both - he's not burying things away to save your feelings and support you, is he?
What are his reasons for having reservations, do you know? Obviously you have to talk about this in depth, and try to keep yourself calm and unemotional when you do it.

Hi,
Thanks for replies.
He says he never wanted any more than our son (unplanned pg, 3 months after we met). He says he would only be having another child to please me. We both have good jobs and are financially secure, so not this reason. He does suffer depression, but he says this is not the reason either. He says he never really wanted children but was happy when son arrived (we never discussed this as had a bit of a whirlwind romance...now been together 4 years). He never got on with his brother so doesn't think it is important to have a sibling. I have a really secure family unit and love my sister.I am also a primary teacher and love kids.
He says if I can give him really secure reasons for having another, he will have one. The main reasons I have are that I love kids, I want my son to have a sibling, I don't want to get older and think "what if?".
just really confused and can't think staright as still suffering from mc. I was coping well with mc with the thought that we could try again. But since I received this news, I feel the loss of my baby even more, thinking that it was my only chance.
Mips xxx

Don't know about everyone else Mips, but my DH took a while longer to come to terms with the m/c than I did. He also didn't want to talk about it for the first month or so. I think it was too painful for him and he couldn't handle seeing me upset.

Maybe you could give him a few more weeks. I wouldn't give up, but maybe give him time. HTH.

Thinking of you xx

oh mips i feel so sorry for you. maybe your dh is just scared it will happen again and needs time to come to terms with it all. have you talked exactly how you feel through with him. i hope he changes his mind soon and you get the baby you are craving for

Oh honey. I really don't know how I would have coped if dp had said that to me after the m/c, it's a blow at a time when getting pregnant again seems like your lifeline.

I don't understand what other secure reasons he could want from you other than that you want another child - what more can you say?
What does he not like about having another child?
It's true that siblings won't necessarily get along or be close, but when his parents are older & become dependent then the responsibility will not fall solely on his shoulders - he has the comfort of knowing that will be shared. My dp is an only child and his parents aren't that healthy, so that will fall entirely on us to manage.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice other than keep talking.

Hi girls,
Hi really value the time you have taken to answer my post.
Rubles...I have tried the things you mention. But to no avail. He seems to have this mental block. I don't even think that he is still suffering from the mc. I talk to him every day and he is under no illusions as to how I feel. he asked me yesterday to give him some time.i gave him a cut off date of 3 weeks and he agreed to this. i am trying not to mention it in the mean time, and it is killing me.
As much as I love him, I don't think i could stay with him, if his decision is no.
maybe you could ask your partners for advice...get a man's point of view on my problem!
I have conceived both babies in first cycle, so thought of perhaps just b'ding around ov time without telling him? I know this is deceitful, but I know in my heart he would love a new baby just as much as he loves our son.
Mips xxx

Mips
My Dh was reluctant for me to undergo any investigations after the m/c's. He said he couldn't bare the thought of another loss and watch me in pain. He already has 2 children and one day blurted out that he was doing all of this for me. He never said us and that totally shocked me. This was a while ago and he has since changed his mind dramatically. He is set on having a baby and is 100% supportive.
I did what you are doing now. I stopped talking about it and let things settle down for a while. I bought up the conversation after a lovely family day out nice meal and some baby dancing.... You sort of have an advantage, your son. How old is he? I hope he is old enough to participate in the following.........
Arrange a special day for the 3 of you where you can be sure there will be other kiddies about.(not too many) Make sure he is watching when your son is playing with other kids and just make general comments about him playing with the others. See if you can chat with other parents there,(wherever u are) preferably those with 2 or more kids... Remember to make it very subtle and seem casual...
Do the meal thing a couple of bevvi's and a romantic night ..... mention it again either that night or in the morning....
PS...Maybe forget about the 3 week deadline thing as he will be expecting it... Do it b 4, use the nice weather to your advantage....
I apologise if this sounds really sly, but sometimes our men folk need a push in the right direction.

GOOD LUCK.

Mips
My Dh was reluctant for me to undergo any investigations after the m/c's. He said he couldn't bare the thought of another loss and watch me in pain. He already has 2 children and one day blurted out that he was doing all of this for me. He never said us and that totally shocked me. This was a while ago and he has since changed his mind dramatically. He is set on having a baby and is 100% supportive.
I did what you are doing now. I stopped talking about it and let things settle down for a while. I bought up the conversation after a lovely family day out nice meal and some baby dancing.... You sort of have an advantage, your son. How old is he? I hope he is old enough to participate in the following.........
Arrange a special day for the 3 of you where you can be sure there will be other kiddies about.(not too many) Make sure he is watching when your son is playing with other kids and just make general comments about him playing with the others. See if you can chat with other parents there,(wherever u are) preferably those with 2 or more kids... Remember to make it very subtle and seem casual...
Do the meal thing a couple of bevvi's and a romantic night ..... mention it again either that night or in the morning....
PS...Maybe forget about the 3 week deadline thing as he will be expecting it... Do it b 4, use the nice weather to your advantage....
I apologise if this sounds really sly, but sometimes our men folk need a push in the right direction.

GOOD LUCK.

WHOOPS

My DH has also been expressing reluctance to continue focusing on ttc, saying (after two m/c's) that he does not want me to keep going through this, and it is obvious he has become very anxious and upset about it, and really would proably rather not think about it. He has 2 daughters and I do not have any children.

I am determined not to give up yet, but there is no room for just letting it be for a while in my case, unfortunately. I turn 43 next month and so every month is precious. I am waiting for my AF at the moment and feeling pessimistic...when it comes I am going to be on the phone to the fertility clinic again and book another appointment (I went before but it was all put on hold as I fell pregnant). I won't drag DH along this time, I don't think. Maybe just go and have a chat with the doc.

Hi Oinker,
Thanks for your advice.
My son just turned 3 last week and he is the most well behaved, gorgeous little boy you could ever want (sorry, I'm biased as his mum!). So its not as if we have a preoblem child to put him off!!
As you say, spending time with others. A friend came round recently with her new born and guess what my DP was the first to hold him and ask lots of questions. I know he would be excited once I was pg.
I tried the loved up night already on hols last week, just as i was ovulating! However, i think he was being cautious, as he withdrew (sorry itmi).
I will try again, when it isnt on his mind as much.
I think you are right, not mentioning it and then just drop subtle hints rather than deep conversations (cause they just stress him out even more). He keeps telling me how much he loves me and just to give him time to rethink. In the meantime I just have to hope for the best that he says yes.
It doesn't help that my AF is due (2nd since my mc) is due.
Mips xxx

Hi Nicola,
Just read your message. I am sorry about your mc's. It just consumes every thought doesn't it?
I am wishing you luck with talking to your GP. Your DH sounds like he is concerned for you and mc'ing again. I am sure once he sees how determined you are, he will be ok.
I am just not going to talk about it over the next few weeks. I turn 39 at the end of the month. My DP is 34. He doesn't understand the age factor.
Hope we can support each other.
love Mips xxx

Hi girls

Hope you don't mind me popping in - I had a bad day today. I thought I'd been coping really well with everything, but a friend at work is due to become a grandmother for the 1st time and when she said (in all excited innocence) that the baby was due at the end of next month, it suddenly hit me that my little one was due 1 week later. We'd been really excitedly comparing notes up until my mc. I am obviously happy for her and her DIL, but I suddenly felt really self-obessessed and low . I've been fine for weeks, so this was a bolt from the blue. Maybe it is made worse as DH is away for so long and I'm not pg and have no way to TTC

Sorry, haven't really caught up on the thread in detail, but send a big hug to all, as we all don't seem to having a good time at the moment - I hope all those AFs that are due stay away for you all expecting them.

Keep positive girls! I should listen to my own advice !

hello Mips - poor you I'd go with Oinker's advice, especially seeing your cute little guy with some smaller ones.

It's really difficult with men's feelings - I wonder if there's an appropriate Dadsnet for them! I do agree that promoting the positive seems to get on well with them.

BF - I'm sorry you've had a bad day - it's tough to deal with others. Yesterday some friends with a new baby due next month popped by to pick up our DS old moses basket - I didn't mind, but then unpacking it, saw all the maternity clothes I had packed away too But then their DS (nearly 2) had been trained to say "Nuns! Drink!" like Father Jack from Father Ted (this little fellow even has a husky voice, so sounds just like him) and it was one of the funniest things I've heard in along time

I'm trying to fill up time with fun things, but with this heat would cheerfully just lie on the sofa in the coolest room in the house and tell everyone to buzz off.

I do find really delicious healthy food, and taking time to cook nice things for myself, about the only thing that always cheers me up.

take care, and have a better day tomorrow

Mips - I've just turned 39, so I know what you mean re the time thing, but I'm still trying for my first.

Nicola - hope your AF is a BFP instead xx

BF - Know how frustrating it is when you can't TTC. DH is away again this month when I OV.

Can relate to all you girls. It's so good not to feel alone

Hi Girls,
Thanks for all your wishes.
I am sorry that some of you are suffering at the moment too. This is a good way to chat, and as mentioned, its a shame men don't have a similar forum (maybe something for me to research).
Well after me thinking I had implantation spotting and cramps, my period arrived with a vengence last night. It is my second since the mc.
I feel really down, coz I am now thinking the baby i mc was my last chance. And my period arriving made it even more real.
Can i ask advice? I am usually a 26 day cycle and have always been regualr, even after the birth of my ds.My first AF after teh mc arrived after only 23 days and now thissecond AF has arrived after only 22 days and I had spotting in between. Is this normal? I had an infection following my mc, which i took antibiotics for. it was discovered also I had strep B!
Any advice welcome on AF's, cycles, men...!
Mips xxx

Well had all the cramping but no sign of AF yet

Mips - I had my first AF 4 weeks after the mc then another 14 days later. Oinker told me her doctor said this was normal, but if you're worried contact your GP or EPU.

Hi all
Thanks for your nice words about us losing our puppy. I can't say it's getting much easier at the moment, but I guess it will with time.
Well, AF - first since the mc - well and truly arrived yesterday, despite me convincing myself (and dh) that I had had implantation bleeding and was clearly pg once again, just like that! It's crushing, isn't it Mips. I keep thinking the pregnancy I lost was my one and only chance (I'm 37 and it was my 1st)....but then I look at all the stories of success on mn and it gives me enormous hope. Your dh definitely sounds persuadable to me - I think giving him time is the key, but it's so bloody difficult when you have that clock ticking faster and faster and you can't bear the thought of 'wasting' a single egg. Oinker's advice sounds like an excellent plan. Fingers crossed for you.

rubles - your breakdown of a 'typical month' made me chuckle. I definitely see myself in the cycle of 'normality' and 'general madness' - sometimes think I have two personalities!

Oinker - was there any news yet on your tests?

Love and hugs to all. xx

Still no sign of AF and still going to check every half hour!

If she's coming why can't she start 1st thing in the morning and save all this wondering?

Oh Smole - poor you! Wouldn't it be good if you could get the rude old biddy trained to arrive first thing, then you could put it out of mind and get on with the day! When are/were you due?

Yesterday I thought. If not yesterday I thought she would be here this morning but nothing.

I need to be patient. But I'm finding it difficult.

Well, I hope for you that the old bag doesn't arrive at all - it's doubly horrible when she turns up in this hot weather anyway. Fingers crossed, Smole.
I'm off to make a giant, giant 'List of Things To Do' to try to keep myself gainfully occupied until we can get on with ttc again later this month. Enjoy the sun