TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

We do have a service at work but its more a staff support network and I feel really funny about using it. I can't see how I can leave my desk go talk to someone then come back and carry on as if nothing has happened.
I had a visit at work from my TTC buddy with her new baby, I didn't think I wanted to see her but I had the baby the most and didn't cry once. Not even when I was asked why I haven't had another. I just looked them dead in the eye and said because I can't and have only just started to find out so its a sensitive subject. I figured well don't ask if you don't want to know. My TTC buddy looked like she would cry. It was great to hold her and all the bitter feelings have gone.
I've got the cot and baby clothes from my DD and I think its time to get rid that might help me move on

I usually book my appts for the end of the day so i don't have to go back to work, although sometimes I have to and its been ok.

Critter I'm loving "swirling vortex of awfulness". You can tell you are our resident poet - that is completely spot on.

Just popping in to let you all know my lady bits are in every way anatomically perfect - no endo, no adhesions, no monsters, no nothing... Sadly no baby either, but I survived the lap&dye. As a direct result from it, I cannot concentrate for long enough to properly catch up. That will be on the cards tomorrow, but my short term memory has completely gone to pot...

Hi ladies

Firstly lemon great to hear it went well and nothing awful was found. Welcome back critter and I can't ever think of lobsters without thinking of Friends . I am so sorry to hear about your family illnesses mrsden and the badly timed pregnancy announcements.

princess the wedding sounds awesome (I feel under pressure now!) and exactly what you needed. What we all need to be honest! Well done for properly letting your hair down, and welcome back to the shag-week mentalness.

So reflexology- ummmm. Well, it was nice. Very relaxing. But didn't feel anything other than having my feet rubbed. She said as I was post OV it wouldn't be so "agressive" in case I was pregnant. Unlikely, but hey a girl's gotta dream. She said nothing felt particularly out of sorts - adrenal gland and pituitary all good (stress and hormones). So I guess as per all my other investigations so far, I appear to be in perfect health . Anyway it was very nice from a pampering kind of way, and I'll keep an eye and see if anything feels any different. She said I should do one treatment for 4 weeks continuously so that she sees me in every week of my cycle. But I can't fit that in for another 4 weeks, in the meantime I am to fill in a questionnaire, and get copies of all my tests so far; which I need to do for the IVF clinic anyway. I've not booked that yet, I think I'm still in denial a little bit, but I don't suppose I can put it off much longer.

After this, I have only one more cycle before I fall in to the TTC 2 years +. I don't want to be in the, what, 5% of the population? Or at the very least, we all deserve lottery wins to counteract the rarity of our "condition". Meh.

Work has been very busy so not keeping up so well, will try to read a bit more tomorrow.

Glad everything went well and nothing nasty was found, let's hope its a quick recovery for you

Nelly your experience of the foot rubbing lady sounds exactly as I would have expected it, nice but no more... Hug for the 2yr mark approaching, been there, done that, got the lap/t shirt/woo/IVF-intake to prove it

Am going to be rubbish about replying on the previous page, I suppose when I can I am well enough to be back at work. But lovely to see messages for me (which I missed before the lap, but hey) and anyone else following me down the lap path (joycep) the advice wine gives is invaluable: nighties and writing down everything anyone tells you. I should have made a note when the nurse put a pad between my legs so I didn't ring her to ask for one, when it was nearby already

Tired-tired-tired... DH not here to help out, but mum will bring me lunch and I can get dressed and showered by myself (and manage the enormous pile of work that landed on me while I was under yesterday, so someone else will do it by the deadline given). Oh and the scars look good, tiny and nicely done.

Good for you lemons over and done with. Rest up. Glad to hear your mum is bringing you lunch, although could she bring me some too? (didn't have a lap, just lazy).

Tis I, of fibroidgate. Paranoia has induced need to namechange. And there hasn't been much wine going on in my life.

So.

lemon I hereby award you your lap medal of honour. It is Very Good News that they found you to be in perfect working order. I think it can be a double edged sword of wanting there to be something fixable that was the reason all along and wanting to be OK. It is, from my own rather shitty experience, really great that you are gleaming with healthy womble parts. Take it really easy for the next few days. The memory loss is amazing isn't it?! joycep when the time comes, I will recap my five golden laptips. What happens next for you?

princess yay for having pure unadulterated fun times! I felt rather envious in fact- it has been forever since I felt what you described. This has to change! Welcome back into the arena. I will hopefully be joining you shortly. But I'm not fighting

artemis I am still on for a meet up. Will pm you after this post.

nelly meh about two years. My two years is in November. But, I am keeping everything crossed that you walk down the aisle a bit fat because the reflexology woo worked.

carrie I really would see you GP about counselling. I've had it and I would be in very different circumstances now if I hadn't. This is a very non judgy thread so no need to feel that. I'm sure a lot of people would say that is the best way!

critter pleassse can I have some of your weather? I like it hot and humid. It is humid here because my entire house is actually engulfed in a cloud. Good luck with clomid number 5.

mrsd sorry about the tearfulness. It really is an unwanted gift from an approaching period. They would be so much better if they were accompanied by cheerful mania.

buzzy I find scan news rather difficult sometimes depending on who it's coming from and how it is announced. Yesterday I was browsing pinterest looking at crafts and stumbled on a 'gender reveal' party. I confess to actually feeling a bit sick.

I had acu yesterday and bemoaned my current hormonal upheaval. As usual my amazing acupuncturist poured oil onto troubled waters and said it was good that I was having any kind of cycle at all as a lot of women she sees who have gynae ops take three months to even get a period. I know I'm being impatient and doing catastrophic worrying but I do find it unsettling. One thing I found incredible yesterday was that I went with very very very sore boobs, they have been unusually sore. She put some needles in to help with it and the pain just vanished as I was lying there! Is it in my head? They still feel massive today (for me) but no pain. Amazing.

I have a question for those of you who have had nhs ivf. When you are on the waiting list what happens? Do you get a guidance of how long it will be? And then do you just get a call when you are next up? And what if you aren't ready? Sorry that is three questions but I just want to have thought it through before cons appointment. I feel we need a good 8 months of natural trying before we jump on this boat and ideally I think I'll be ready next spring with a try at IUI before then. But is such negotiation encouraged?

princess You go girl! Glad you had an excellent time.
MrsD sorry about announcements.
carrie one step at a time. You'll get through this.
lemon glad it all went well.
So much else too but my brain fails me. Waves to all.

princess welcome back to the shagathon

critter we'll be going on vacation in Maine in August as well, I'm planning on eating nothing but seafood while I'm there, any other tips? We're flying into Toronto and driving through New York and Vermont to get there and Quebec and Ontario on the way back.

lemon so happy that everything went well and everything is in working order. You must be so relieved. Take it easy and recover and be proud of your perfect lady bits!

rabbit I found some gender reveal cupcakes on pinterest yesterday as well. I was torn between liking the idea and wanting to make them just to smash against the wall.

I did actually manage to smooth things over with DH although it wasn't looking so good for a while. He announced categorically that he was tired and didn't want to talk about it and when I said that's fine if he didn't want to tonight but we needed to talk soon and he should let me know when, to which he responded some time this year. After some back and forth I got angry and left the room but he came and found me and eventually he came around and we talked it through. I tried a few different communication strategies but the one that worked best was when I suggested we each have 5 minutes to get whatever we wanted off our chests, uninterrupted by the other person, without questions or arguments or anything. I went first and was able to get a proper apology with full explanation out and because he couldn't question or interrupt he really listened. It also gave him the opportunity to just let it all out without me trying to defend myself. It worked really well and we both felt better after and managed another notch on our shag week.

Anyway OV stick was kind of positive which is probably all I'll get as I don't seem to have a high concentration of LH ever. The ones I bought this time aren't so great and even the test line is fairly light. I'm due to OV tomorrow (CD16) and am starting to feel some twinges so hopefully everything is on track.

rabbit I had no problems postponing my NHS IVF. I just explained that I didn't feel ready. I can't help out with the waiting list questions though, as there wasn't one at our clinic.

MissM I like the idea of smashing gender reveal cupcakes against the wall. I don't get this fad at all. Surely the only people who really care about gender are the parents, and they will know (unless they get the sonographer to give the info to the cake maker!). Some close friends of ours found out the gender of their kids and then wouldn't tell anyone else. I found it very odd. Surely you either want a surprise in the delivery room or not? Finding out yourself but not telling others is an odd way to go about things in my view.

missmedusa -i?m sorry about the hurtful comment. They can slip out every now and again. I hope mrmed has recovered.

princess - oh no sorry about ertd but that?s great you are back to biz now!

critter - welcome back. Your hols sound amazing and i?m hoping the jet stream will may be push the other way so we can swap our weather system with the US. at fully functioning mammal.

lemon - well done on surviving the lap. I am almightily impressed with how little you mentioned it [beware when my time comes, you?ll be sick of hearing about it]...I didn?t quite register it was happening yesterday. Anyway, really pleased they didn?t find anything . I know we want answers but i think it?s good to know that there is nothing suspicious lurking.

nelly - sorry about the 2 years looming. We are a special minority. Interesting to hear about reflexology. I think i may give up my acu and introduce reflexology as well.

rabbits - liking your new name! And i do look forward to receiving your 5 golden lap tips. The consultant may not wish to give me one but I will find out in a couple of weeks when i go in for my clinic appointment. Sorry you have been so worried . i really hope AF gets in to a pattern soon. Acu can do strange things..interesting your boobs aren?t hurting any more. Out of interest ? did they stick needles in to your boobs?

So the eagle has landed in Athens. Results will be in a couple of days. I can now remove the horrors out of my fridge, would hate MiL or Mr Joy to go routing for spuds and come across a nasty surprise.

the eagle has landed joy

lemon sorry I add an 's' to your name. It's some kind of strange household disease I appear to have caught.

Excellent news re: Athens. I have my appointment with Gorgy next week, so hopefully some of my bodily fluids will be in the post shortly!

Afternoon all,

Joycep at the landing eagle and possible menstrual blood / potato confusion! I hope this gives you some useful answers. FX.

Rabbits love, love, love the new name :) Hope you are ok.

Lemon well done for being so brave. Great news about the perfect parts and that the scars are tiny and neat. Hope you are well rested and recover soon.

MissM Glad you and MrM made up and got everything out there. I too like Euro like the idea of smashing those cupcakes up against the wall. Cupcakes are sooo 2009 anyway.

Critter your lobster story made me chuckle. Feathery bits? I love lobster. As did your hubbies comments about you now being a mammal . So glad that you had a lovely time away with your sis. I'm sure Wolf is doing Panto now....

Nelly I'm sorry about the 2 year thing. I passed that one ages ago. I actually felt quite apathetic towards TTC after the 2 year thing. You will get there soon. There is nothing wrong with you and I'm hoping for the pre-IVF baby for you xx Glad that you enjoyed the foot rub though.

Carrie no judging here. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I hope that you get sorted out soon though as it doesn't sound very nice having to be apart at such a stressful time. When I was feeling really low it took the NHS 6 weeks to get me a telephone counseling appointment and at the point that they called the grey cloud had moved on and I was feeling much more robust and stable. You should definitely talk to your GP about it though. I've also done private counseling (which was a waste of time - especially now I know that my crankiness is probably hormone related - I didn't like the counsellor but felt compelled to go for other reasons) However, my OH went to a life coach years ago and that sorted him right out - so often it's just a case of find the right person. You're doing so well - stay strong xxx

Well I've just spent far too much on new undies for our anniversary trip... Still the advice from one friend at the wedding on Saturday - "I only got pregnant when I started to feel really sexy again." So, in a bid to keep this upbeat, happy, sexy feeling the new undies are in the post, the hair appointment has been booked, the champagne will be on ice and if we don't get a baby at least we will have had a really lovely anniversary together. Only 2 weeks to go!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

"I only got pregnant when I started to feel really sexy again."

I love this advice!

rabbit fab name, I don't mind the scan announcements its just that I comforted her through her last miscarriage and listened to her every month when she was mentalling like crazy and then she gets pegnant and hardly speaks to me, I don't know why she would then think I gave a shit about her scan, I didn't ask.

princess you can never spend too much on sexy knickers :) maybe some knee high boots to match

well still have sludge but no peak for ovulation so I think this month is out for me already, well better get back to it, we have a meeting soon

joy at the eagle has landed, i'm curious to see if your prescription is like care's might just order my own then

euro I totally agree with you about the gender thing, its either one or the other at the end of the day

mrsd how are you feeling today??

lemon bless your mum for looking after you

Love the new name rabbit.

Woo hoo for the eagle landing joycep. I wouldn't want to be the mail boy at that clinic.

Totally agree with you about the gender thing euro. I wish people would realize that others don't find their pregnancy as exciting as they do.

Af arrived this morning. Only one day of spotting so at least my cycles seem to be behaving. I had a row with dh because he invited the newly pregnant friends over for dinner next Saturday. We'd been talking about having them over but that was before I knew she as pregnant. Dh was speaking to them on the phone and invited them. I burst into tears when he casually mentioned they were coming. He thinks I'm bei g totally unreasonable which I suppose I am.

FGS I have just lost my post. Here is the potted version. Sorry for missing anyone out but waves and hugs instead!

mrsd I would cry too if I had to unexpectedly entertain preggos. Men can be such twonks.
At least (I suppose) your AF will be over by then and you will be heading towards the more upbeat phase of your cycle.

lemons So glad that your lap went well and that you are feeling okay. Hurrah for neat stitching too!

rabbit I like the new name too. Is it anything to do with those illustrations (I can't remember the artist's name?

MissM Sorry about the insensitive comment from MrM. I had words with MrP today because he has another business trip on the cards and he was pressuring me about when I expect to ovulate next cycle so he can plan dates. He just couldn't comprehend (despite me having told him millions of times over the last couple of years) that I simply never know. I got angry in the end and then I got told "not to get stressed about it"

Princess "Only got pregnant when I felt sexy again"....jeez, looks like I am doomed

nelly I too think we all deserve a lotto win. I say that to MrP all the time about how we are in the 2% of the population with our infertility issues and how it is typical that we aren't in the minority with a lotto win.
2 years milestone is rubbish. I used to console myself with the stat that 99% or something of women fall pregnant in 2 years.....hmmm yeah!

carrie I'm sorry that you are finding it difficult at the moment and have house issues. That must be difficult.
Counselling might be a good idea. I often think that I could do with a session or two just to work through the TTC issues and emotions.
BTW I am very impressed by how you fielded the nosey baby question from your colleague. I wish I had the balls to say something like that.

buzzy sorry about sludge and questionable ovulation. Also thank you so much for asking Mr Shehata about follie size.

I had my last cycle monitoring scan today. There is evidence of a ruptured follie so she is confident that I did ovulate. I also mentioned over cooked eggs and apparently she isn't concerned because I had misread the follie size and it actually said 15mm on CD9. While that is good I admit to feeling a bit deflated at the thought of another failed self diagnosis! Actually I feel strangely deflated all round because EVERYTHING is so bloody optimum but yet I am inpregnable. Also had my AMH blood test done which I am not happy about hearing the results of at all.

Ah, I'm sorry to hear the melancholy tone of some of you today.

MrsD I would have thrown a mega tantrum over entertaining newly smug pregnant friends. However, I must admit that the thought of pregnant people is always worse than seeing the pregnant friends (unless they whip a 12 week scan out without warning the day before ERTD hits). Maybe you can fain chronic vom and shitting on the day, thus removing them from your social calender? Otherwise I suggest drinking lots of - she will be ; hot outfit - she will be and a pate starter - oh you can't have pate? who knew? who knew? I'm so sorry and whoops, we appear to have no appropriate starter for you - dry bread roll ok? . I hope the doom moves on with the passing of ERTD.

Pout did you get your AMH blood result or are you waiting? I'm sorry that there seem to be no answers for you and MrP is being awkward about not being an automatic egg machine. Now that would be nice wouldn't it.

at "dry bread roll ok?" Repeats to myself "do not upset princess " ad infinitum!

No, I've not got the results yet, they just took the blood today.

Snap and snap pout at being "in perfect health" and also the fear of the AMH. Basically my self diagnosis is my eggs are goosed. What else can it be? .

Hello rabbit I like the name too, although if wine is absent from your life too much, perhaps you should keep asking the question.

I so know what you mean pout about everything being bloody optimal and no baby to show for it. But I guess princess's friend has the answer, we have to feel really sexy again. I am wearing a (floaty loose around the swollen stomach) dress under my crochet blanket. And I burp a lot. Does that qualify? Hiss boo at mrpout's pressuring for dates. And then telling you not to get stressed, that really is taking the p*.

GRR at mrd's invitation, that is stupid. Pregnant friends are disinvited unless proven worthy, until further notice. Duh. Although I agree with princess that the people themselves usually are a lot less traumatising than the thought of their bumps. It is so hard though, and I think we're entitled to protect ourselves. So there.

I am sure mum would be happy to deliver lunch to you too, purple, if you lived a little closer. She was lovely brought some fruit and some flowers as well. And took me for a brief walk round the block. Ready for a sofa snooze afterwards and I have just been woken up by a phone call from my boss. He's taken some work of me, which would have been impossible to manage otherwise, so he is in my good books too.

Sorry about mehness or more serious, which I am gathering to replies to carrie. Thinking of you lot, but still a bit incapable at the properly answering to people thing.

serious X-posting:

In agreement about staying on princess's right side. I love your evil streak.

And noone is interested in testing my AMH, so not quite snap on that, but in agreement about the it-has-got-to-be-something feeling nelly and pout. When/where/how do you qualify for AMH testing?