TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

That's interesting about the reflexology. I look forward to my sleep! Hope I can stay awake for the drive home first though. Well done on the run. My lopping down enormous tree branches made me feel much better, but running would be a literal step too far for me .

Why don't you book wine? A bit of TLC (oh bloody hell I typed that as TTC) and spoiling yourself is exactly what you need. xx

More furture talks this evening and have decided to see if we can afford a house! Something to move onto and give up TTC it feels odd knowing we are going back to see the cons and saying no to any kind of medication. I will have more tests and even a lap to get rid on endo but I can't put my body through any more crap for what could be no reason.

Wine - have you had an Amh test? And if so what was the number? Sometimes this can reassure you that the menopause isn't coming. It's horrible when your body is doing things out of its usual habit so I totally sympathise. I have read numerous times how people got pregnant ovulating before day 8. Some people get pregnant during their period! It's so tedious that there are so many things to worry though. Have you found any reports that cycles can go wacky after laps?

Nelly - I cried at Andy's reaction too. I must say I was shocked to see him so emotional but it was incredibly endearing and I don't think the press will be as harsh now. But. I now am wondering whether I have misjudged Vicky beckham and perhaps she isn't as miserable as she looks.

Wow I feel back to normal today- its so weird how these dark miserable clouds come and go and when under one you wonder whether you will ever snap out of it.

I know I'm a bit behind but congratulating the successful shagging, buzzy's boots, Medusa's surprise and Nelly's weekend AM. Wow, watch out this sounds like fun. Of course, have I come with the antidote to that. Zero shagging for me this weekend. I believe that I enage in shag week just to see if it can really be worse than the last one. Yes, yes it can!

Actually a summary will suffice. Forced shagging (both parties) on top of extreme general fatigue (both parties) combined with pee holding to use OPKs (to 'solve' cycle mysteries) and hot weather (sorry) result in massive UTI and shagging cancelation. Honestly this month, me and my amoxicillin are just pleased the whole thing is over.

I'm sorry to read sadness from joy, Carrie and sarlat (a few days behind here too, sorry). I was thinking about it a lot while nursing my poor lady bits this weekend. I feel that perhaps I am in an easier place when I read of this pain. I relate to it completely but a feeling this wider sadness consumes me less less often and less intensely. I have been trying to unpick why that might be. I know I focus on the details to block out the bigger picture (I'm sure a big reason that I like charting) that could be a reason. I believe that (given the considerable time scale and my age combined) I may be in the process of coming to terms with some kind of closure over TTC; you would think I would know, but I don't. sarlat I've never had a FB account, which has it's own consequences but at least I look at less baby pictures. I do hope everyone is feeling a little better now.

I hope the reflexology goes well nelly. I know what you mean about getting there though. I was excited to find someone that had acu here (very non-woo city) but she told me due to the location of the guy, appointment scheduling and the fucking nightmare traffic here she always arrived in a complete mess and then got told she was a complete mess. Traffic avoidance here goes along way to stress reduction so on balance I gave that a miss. It's an extreme example though. I'm sure your feet will thank you. Do keep awake on the drive home though.

X-post joy so glad to hear you are feeling better.

Good morning ladies, thanks for keeping me going this weekend. I'm on CD14 today and was extremely emotional over the weekend. I don't recall OV causing me to be overemotional in the past but I'm also hyper-aware of everything now so it's possible I just didn't notice before.

We went out with some friends to a beer garden yesterday and 2 friends were pregnant and 2 with small children. It wasn't so much the small children but seeing the pregnant ladies really got to me. It seems the hardest to deal with are those who have become pregnant or had babies since we have been trying (the couple we met on our honeymoon who were also on their honeymoon got pregnant on the honeymoon - in the room beside us - that was a hard pill to swallow as that was when I wanted to conceive). I guess that just gets harder the longer you are trying.

Shagweek is more or less going to plan although I said a very hurtful TTC related thing to DH after SWI last night and I don't know how well he's going to recover from it and what it might affect. I didn't mean it to be hurtful at the time, at least I don't think I did - although maybe in my overemotional state I wanted him to feel something too, in my mind I was informing him of some scary statistics but the timing was terrible and looking back I can't believe how insensitive I was. DH, who is usually so (frustratingly) unaffected by everything actually got up and left the bedroom he was so hurt. I'm going to have to try and undo that damage as much as I can tonight.

Happy Monday to everyone, hope everyone has a good day and hope all goes well for lemon with her laparoscopy (iirc, that is supposed to be today?)

purple sorry to hear about the shag week :(
I found your advice on looking at the details rather than the big picture very interesting. I think, sometimes, the big picture is just too overwhelming, the minor details we can control to some extent. I might try to take that advice as well as I really don't want a repeat of yesterday.

Good morning all,

Well its been busy on here over the weekend!

Good work on the all sexy fun time. And commiserations for sechs fails.

Purple sorry to hear about your infection - rubbish. I hope you feel better soon. I haven't had a bout for years but the penultimate round nearly had me in hospital on a drip of ab's because of doctor incompetence.... Agony for days.

Sarlet your post yesterday struck a chord on so many levels. It's really hard and yes all I want is to know that it will happen and to be contented too. I hope you are feeling ok today and enjoy your woo massage.

Gin I'm so sorry to hear about your Gran's funeral and other family death. Hope you are ok.

Joyce Glad you are feeling better today. I find the emotional rollercoaster very confusing. However, it's great news that the cloud has lifted.

Carrie I hope you are ok and that house hunting is distracting. There's always the old saying, "new house, new baby". It could just be the thing you need :)

Euro good work on the run. Hope sludgegate has gone now.

Wine really sorry the confusion and stupid mucked up cycles continue. Maybe this is just going to take some time? I'm sure that my double periods at the beginning of the year were a readjustment from a chemical pregnancy in January (although none of this can be confirmed - it's an inkling I have). It's take a good 3 - 4 months for my cycles to get back to normal. Reflexology is ace - I would give it a go if I were you.

Nelly your dad sounds very cool. Our ski instructors (also Scottish) are some of the nicest, most motivating, cool and awe inspiring people I have ever met. Enjoy reflexology. My fave weekly treat :) I often have lucid dreams whilst I'm having mine and float back to the sofa. You will probably feel sleepy, so go easy with the driving.

MissM sorry to hear you had a hard weekend too . Hope you are feeling better today. And that you make up with you DH later too.

Buzzy at Ikea zips, kinky boots and stains.... sounds like there's a lot of fun being had in the Buzzy household.

I must admit that I did catch up yesterday on the sofa, but I had a hangover....oh yes, a real hangover from real booze (champagne, rose, gin cocktail, mojito, beer...) and didn't feel like typing. I caught some of the tennis in between snoozing and snacking. And then we watched St Trinian's with burgers and a beer (hair of the dog). Today I feel tired probably from parting til 4 on Saturday and then getting about 2 hours sleep in the boot of my car in the middle of field which was freezing and ridiculously uncomfortable (we were planning on going home at 11 and so didn't take a tent) Needless to say I had the BEST time on Saturday. Caught up with loads of old friends, danced, ate loads of nice food (mostly brown compatible but couldn't resist strawberries and cream), drank, drank, drank and was genuinely merry and happy. I am still on a high now. DH had a great time too. I feel rubbish for being so down on their event beforehand because I have to say it was one of the best weddings I've ever been too and there was so much love and support and kindness from all of our friends about our situation. I touched the 5 month pregnant bump on the bride to feel the kicking baby without a flicker of sadness (and to try and coax some magical pregnancy vibes - bumps are amazing!); apologised to the bride for the last time we saw them and DH had to take me home crying - she apologised too and said she should have thought more about it (we shared a couple of tears but I told her it wasn't her fault that I hadn't been coping very well at the time and we had a massive hug); congratulated another couple who are now 4 months pregnant - without a flicker of envy; was nice to the ex who made a beeline for me and then was rather confused when I was pleasant and then left me alone for the rest of the day; spoke to numerous people about what's going on and had loads and loads and loads of fun. It made me realise that I haven't had proper fun for ages. A blow out was just what the doctor ordered. It also helped that loads of people said I was looking really hot at the moment and complimented my outfit. It made me feel like I used to feel before we started TTC (sexy and fun). I am of course back on the brown diet today and tee-total for the foreseeable but wow, what a difference a day can make. I'm glad I let my hair down.

Back on with my day. Waves and tail feather shakes to you all. xxx

Princess that sounds llike an amazing wedding! I am laughing at the thought of you curled up in a drunken slumber in the boot of your car! I'm glad you had such a fab time. It sounds like it was just what the dr ordered.

Joycep I'm glad you are feeling better now.

MissM and Purple sorry you are both feeling rather low. This whole thing is such a rollercoaster.

carrie the distraction of househunting might be good. It's certainly exciting. We keep thinking of moving out of London a bit to get somewhere bigger, but putting it off because we would feel daft in a 4 or 5 bedroom place if we don't end up having kids. TTC seems to touch all aspects of our lives.

Morning everyone

I love how busy it is on here but it does mean I struggle to keep up. I do read everything but don't necessarily remember it! Apologies now if I miss anything important.

Impressed with the kinky-booted, top-of-covers surprise shagging that has been going on this week. Top effort, ladies

Princess the wedding sounds excellent! A blowout sounds like it's done you loads of good. And well done on coping with all the bumps and making up with your friend. Hurrah

I'm sorry babies and bumps have been making people feel down. I hide those people on fb though I never really believe the happy-families image. Listening to a friend's grim holiday tale of being trapped in a rainy caravan with a three-year-old for a fortnight reminded me that the grinning photos on FB are only a small part of the story.

Purple sorry to hear about the UTI and abandoned shag week. I sympathise. General fatigue of both parties is what gets to us. I like the focus on the detail, I think I do that too. Sometimes I wonder if i've got so focused on achieving this specific goal i forget why I wanted it in the first place. I think age gives a different perspective and I am also going through a quiet mental process of acceptance that I can't quite articulate yet. But when I think ahead to life in 5 years' time I find it much easier to imagine life without a child than life with, and actually it's not so bad. Carrie the house plan sounds like a good one, something positive to think about for the future.

MissM I've said rubbish things in the heat of the wrong moment too. I think you put your finger on it when you said you wanted him to feel something too. I've picked fights for no reason in exactly that mindset. I hope you get some time later to talk it through properly and explain how you feel.

Euro glad you're feeling better. I sympathise with the decisionmaking dilemmas. We bought a 4 bedroomed house expecting we'd have kids in it before long and now we've just got unused rooms. We could've had a smaller house in a better area with a big garden and without noisy horrible chav neighbours. Meh.

Joycep any news from Greece? I'm not going to ask whether you still have a bit of period in your fridge

Lemon hope the lap goes well. Sar I'm looking forward to hearing about your woo massage. Nelly I hope you make it home in one piece, would like to hear about the reflexology experience. After 5 months of evil clomid i think my body needs a rest, some woo might be a good idea.

Gin I'm sorry about the family funerals. Hope you're OK.

With you wine on the annoyance of raw eggs/ overcooked eggs/ mouldy eggs/ why can't any old bloody egg do the job? As someone said on the last thread, sparrows don't have this problem. I am convinced your shorter cycles will be your body resetting itself after the surgery, nothing more. Early menopause is rare.

I'm seriously fed up that one of the few occasions when the crucial days of shag week coincided with a weekend I have been at a bloody conference and out all the time. We have managed the NHS recommended EOD routine, though for once (and thankfully) that was more due to Mr A's perseverance than mine. I'm working away again later this week so I'm hoping for a temp rise so I can stop fretting that we've missed the egg. Then in a couple of weeks ERTD will pay me a visit while I'm on holiday. Rubbish timing, absolutely rubbish.

Northerners, we're still meeting, aren't we? I can't PM everyone at the same time which is a bit annoying, but let me know if you have any thoughts on Leeds venues. I'm feeling the weight of organisational responsibility

I must go and do some work now. Waves to everyone, hope you all have a good day

where the blazes did my weekend go.........................

princess glad you had a fab time at the wedding, sometimes that is what we need to remind us of what we are missing when TTC comsumes us

lemon hopiong all goes well today

medusa I can understand the wanting to make him feel something, it took Mr B awhile to get onboard this baby train and to get involved with it all, which is why I was quite pleased on Saturday night he initiated the baby talk and not me. I'm sure he will understand that you didn't mean it

nelly let us know how it went, I'm thinking about going, I only have one more session of acu, thank goodness, I'm getting fed up with it

joy glad you are feeling better and no you have not misjudged 'the miserable one' did you see the face on her at the Spice Girl reunion thing for the play??? Talk about needing some serious therapy

purple at buzzy boots sorry you've had a rough time, I used to get recurring UTI's, I had them for about 5 months straight with the odd break, on different antibiotic, it was actuall so homeopathy drops that sorted me out

artemis the whole timing things gets on my nerves, EOD??? I think my patients dementia is catching, where are you going on your hols??

Well the 'sludge' continues and now makes me think if I do actually ov in the next couple of days the lining will be so thin that if our lazy bits did get together there is nowhere for it to set up home, i'm also wondering how long this cycle will be if I don't ov until CD18/19.... and breathe, well I better get back to work i'm babysitting the student OT today

Buzzy EOD = every other day, NHS patented advice. I was told not to time swi but instead to shag every other day throughout my cycle, ad nauseum infinitum, until I get a BFP. Whoever invented that advice clearly hadn't been ttc for 2.5 fecking years

Bugger about continuing sludgegate. Do you think acupuncture has made any difference to you? I've been having it since January and had high hopes for it but have noticed no impact at all. Holidays in 10 days and counting, can't wait to get away from this rain

Hi everyone.

I can't believe we're on thread 8 already. I joined the first one, how depressing. The last thread didnt seem very lucky, so I'm hoping this one is super lucky to make up for it.

I'm not even going to attempt to catch up in this post. I've tried to read everything but now Ive forgotten what I wanted to say. I did want to say to euro that it sounds like you've done the right thing stopping ivf, there would have been no point putting yourself through hell if you didn't want it.

I've been trying not to think of ttc. It's been a tough couple of weeks. Two close family members have been seriously ill, one of whom is a child. It sort of puts everything in perspective. Things are looking up for one of them now, just got to hope we get more good news.

Gin, sorry to hear you've had funerals to go to. I totally understand your fears about not having people to mourn you. I have this worry too, dh thinks I'm nutty when I say it. But it really bothers me to think we won't have anyone looking out for us when we're older. My gran has only been able to stay in her own home because her children and grandchildren take it in turns to look after her. I get quite anxious when I think of the future.

Wine, I'm sure you aren't in the early menopause. Your body has taken a battering recently, I'm sure it's just trying to sort itself and get back to normal.

I'm on day 31 and I have the brown sludge. My cycles seem quite predictable at the moment. I'm tearful today, probably because of pmt. but I've also just heard that a friend is pregnant. We went to their wedding last July. It's really hit me hard, I don't know why because I should have been expecting it. They told dh on the phone and I heard him gushing with congratulations. I wanted to be sick.

Also, why is it that pregnancy announcements always coincide with me spotting or the arrival of af? I'm sure I'd find them a little easier to deal with pre ovulation.

Well house hunting is out as the only places we can afford which is about three in our town are in such a state so not livable ah well we had a dream for a bit. Even renting we are going to fond it difficult. At the moment we don't even live together due to financial reasons. I haven't said before as I thought we might get judged for trying and not having a home together. I have a rented place with no garden and he flat shares 5 mins away.
More blood tests are abnormal for clotting but still no one is telling me why so have to wait until wednesday to find out. I feel like everything is so hard and against me right now. I haven't even got a working computer to use mumsnet on lol so I can't responsd to peoples posts even though I am reading them all

Evening all,

Just a quick one before I go over to help with the house renovations... (somewhat neglected due to sore head and need for houmous and blanket time on the sofa yesterday)

MrsD I'm so sorry that you are having a rubbish time with family illness and announcements. Here have a sympathy from me. Announcements always go hand in hand with my period. And I know the sick / pain in chest feeling well. I hope you feel better soon. Remember that this horrid feeling always passes.

Artemis good work on DTD EOD. I'm impressed. Very impressed. I plan to try take a leaf out of your book. Although it will definitely be EBD (every bloody day) in the run up to the big ov.

Buzzy I hope your egg pops out in the next day or two. Fingers crossed for you.

ERTD has come with avengeance this afternoon. I've hit it hard with some super strength ibuprofen. The pain is now subsiding. So here we are at CD1 of the official first brown diet cycle. Countdown to shag week has started. I'm actually quite excited....it's been 6 months since we've had a proper shag week. So ladies, as of today I Princess am rejoining you in the TTC arena for the very first time.......... I feel very much like a contestant on Gladiators and the Fertility Gods are the actual Gladiators. Scorpion? I bet she ate babies for breakfast. I'm so ready for pujal sticks, the gauntlet, the rings and the scarey travelator (can't remember actual name). Gladiators are your ready?! Three, two, one........ Princes dons her pink crash helmet and leotard with sparkly knob shaped pujal stick in hand Oh yes. She's back....

Carrie I'm sure no one would 'judge you'. I for one have lived away for Mr Purple more than once, not even in the same country sometimes. Every couple decides what is right for them and that's the way it should be.

carrie there'll be no judging from me. Couples make all kinds of arrangements. My boss lives a couple of counties away from her husband and only seems him at weekends. it works for them.

Woo hoo princess! How exciting. The three months off seem to have flown by (to me, but then I wasn't the one eating brown food and taking pooing pills!).

mrsd those announcements always seem to come at the worst time. They are there to try us, I am sure.

I have a christening to go to in a fortnight. At least I won't be on the IVF 2ww for it, which I would have been if I had continued the cycle.

buzzy the egg takes a few days to travel down the tube, so your lining still has time to build once you ov. It'll be fine.

Purple - it's interesting hearing your thoughts on why and how you maybe coming to term with things. If this malarky goes on for many more years, I do hope I will be able to get a grip a bit more.

Princess - I am so pleased you had a good wedding. It sounds exactly what the doctor ordered. I must say I can't remember the last time we had absolute brilliant fun.

Mrsd- nice to have you back. Sorry about the illness in your family, I hope they are both on the mend. It all sounds very worrying. And sorry for the pregnancy announcements, they are always as bad as you imagine.
I must say I do worry about things if I don't have kids especially about who will look after me and who will get family stuff as my siblings will never have kids either. It's all terribly sad for my parents.

Buzzy - I didn't think I had misjudged her! An sorry about the sludge gate that is not what you need.

Artemis - sorry about all the shit timing. When does ertd not turn up on holiday? I can't remember a time it didn't appear. No news from Greece- I don't think my innards have arrived!

I am in a taxi and very pissed off, he has purposefully taken a long route round to try and get me home and now has driven into thick traffic jam which i have been stuck in for 20mins, totally unnecessary. Grrrrr this is why I hate getting in taxis.

Hi guys... I'm back!

Just had an amazing few days in Maine, eating lobster, rock climbing, kayaking and swimming. Much blueberry pie was consumed, and the weather was a lot cooler - it's been hovering up at around 40 C down here, so it was a relief to get out of the heat and humidity. I even saw the genitalia of a couple of live lobsters on a lobster boat tour - the female has a 'fine and feathery' undercarriage and the male has 'more cartilage'. The females produce loads and loads of eggs - I was tempted to ask for some tips, but I don't speak crustacean, alas. The lobsterman said 'the mating is just like ours - it only takes a minute' .

ERTD is almost gone, and I'm on CD4 and about to start Clomid round 5. I am actually feeling pretty chipper now I have proof that I finally oved and am at last, in MrC's words, 'a fully-functioning mammal'.

I have been trying to read and keep up but have forgotten lots, probably already - but wanted to say princess - great that you let your hair done and woohoo for being back on the TTC horse - love the image of you as a gladiator! Remember 'Wolf'? Wonder what he's up to these days!

missm I hope that you smooth things over with your DH - this business is really hard on couples.

joyce I hate being trapped in a taxi in traffic, I can always feel my blood pressure rising!

mrsden sorry to hear you're having a rough day, and sorry about the pregnancy announcements.

euro how are you feeling? Good that you won't be on the 2ww for this christening. Your plan sounds like a good one. I'm relieved that you're not in the swirling vortex of awfulness that the IVF was creating anymore.

buzzy great work with the kinky boots on the covers SWI!

wine it sounds like you're having a very confusing time, I'm sorry you're having to deal with out-of-whack periods.

nelly I am, as the kids say these days, 'well jeal' of the well-deserved first class honeymoon - amazing!

Right - better get down to some actual work - thinking of everyone else, sending positive vibes and apologies for the quick post!

Lol Princess.
It is hard and I hate the living apart but he has debts from his ex that he has refused to let me have to deal with so after October we are both debt free. Well he will be almost and can plan for the furture a bit better. If we had managed TC then we would have made the move quicker. Another reason to be annoyed. I have had to have a group like this to keep me sane on the nights I am alone and dealing with the crap. I know our long term goal is now adoption but without a bigger home and living together that won't happen so we will need 5 years to work on that. I don't know how to process the not knowing why we haven't or that it might never happen. Any tips would be helpful. I can't seem to just give up but I don't want to spend every month crying when I AF arrives. Does anyone know if there is some kind of councelling through your GP?
Oh and I am currently ignoring the fact that my blood tests have come back abnormal again for some clotting protein or something and have to see GP yet again. I refuse to believe that I can be ill in the middle of all this
Normal life where are you? There's a bunch of women here ready and waiting. One of us has to get the BFP soon or I am resorting to witchcraft and I am not kidding lol

artemis thank you, I couldn't engage my brain earlier, I think its ridiculous to expect people to do that all month every month until BFP, the 2 times I fell pregnant we only did it twice in shag week, I enjoyed acu to start with but now I'm sick of it all, its time consuming too. It has helped my migraines which is good as I've spend a shed load on it, but my cycles haven't changed at all, they said my periods would get better they did ask if I wanted to extend my treatment but I said NO. I like the sound of the reflexology at least its kind of pampering.

carrie not here to judge, non of my business on how you live you life, its what works for you :)

mrsd sorry you are feeling low and boo to announcements

princess yay to getting back in the game

joycep I remember when we went to Athens years ago we arrived really early in the morning and the taxi guy kept driving past the airport

euro when I had the first scan my lining was just over 7mm then on Friday it was 6.7mm and now I have sludge, he is giving me Progynova next month, actually he has given me 6 months supply doesn't fill me with hope of getting pregnant anytme soon.

Well I got home and noticed two things I want ignore,

1. my old boss wanting to befriend me on FB
2. text from a lady who wants to tell me she has had her 20 week scan Well hoping I do ov id not we'll just shag for the hell of it

waves to everyone

sorry xposted with critter and carrie

carrie you're GP can organise counselling, I go through work and find it really helpful, there is an adoption section on here so that might be worth looking at

critter at the lobster story, glad you had a lovley time with your sis

I will ask my gp at my weds appointment thanks buzzy. Adoption won't be looked at for at least 5 years due to housing issues but I will when I get there. I'm lucky as I work in that area so know exactly what's in a form E1.
The living apart doesn't work but with us both being on small wages and having to pay out most of mine for childcare doesn't leave a lot left for rent and bills so for now its out of our hands. I live in an awful but cheap place so by xmas we may be here together but it would be better to wait another year and save like buggery lol

carrie sorry I misread your post I thought you were asking about the process of adoption, it can take a of time to get to see a counsellor through your GP but it might vary depending on where you live. There might be a service through your work, mine was organised through our Occupational health dept