TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

Euro - quick phone post to say I am so sorry to hear about those results. Thank goodness they caught it early. I'm thinking of you this evening and really hope you're ok.

Euro - this is shitty shitty luck.

On the one hand, these things are not unheard of and the treatment is very effective. I only know a little about it from friends who have had it but my understanding is that with treatment your health and fertility will not be affected.

On the other hand, one knock after another is getting too much to bare. The timming couldn't be worse and I wouldn't blame you for feeling scared, annoyed and everything really.

I think you have had a lot to take on board these last few months. You need to be very kind to yourself. Any chance of some time off work - either sick leave / annual leave / unpaid leave?

I know my head was spinning during IVF but my 3 weeks sick leave were a God send. I'm thinking of you. Take care honey. xx

euro I can't say it better. sarlat your comments and advice make a lot of sense. So sorry, yet another thing to get though. Thinking of you.

euro I'm so so sorry. What a shit time you're having! Like sar I know people who've had the treatment and whose health and fertility weren't affected. I think her advice is very good. Big hugs and do make sure that you are nice to yourself and take it easy.

Euro I'm really sorry about the news. Just rubbish. This can be fixed though. Just complete shit to have to deal with on top of everything else.

Critter at feathery lobster bits!! I too need to have a bit of an underwear audit. Some of my knickers are terrible!! Plus my boobs keep changing size so I have some bras which fit nicely, some too big, some too small. I always feel reluctant to throw them out in case of future size changes! I think I may just have to get rid and replace as necessary.

Buzzy I've never been to Rigby and Peller - a bit scared of the no nonsense ladies and the price tag. But I think I may have to visit soon. Maybe for August shag week?

Sarlat your massage sounds amazing. I hope it works! I've had a look for someone down here, but I can't find anyone, which is strange because Brighton is such a woo place!!

Gin I know my friends secret and it wasn't 50 shades of grey (hahaha) but I'm sworn to secrecy Sorry my lips are sealed.

Lots to do.Hope you all have lovely days with no bad news, insensitive colleagues or pregnancy / birth announcements. xx :)

lemon your mom sounds lovely. No one is quite as good at taking care of me when sick and I really missed mine after my lap. Unfortunately she lives on another continent :(

MrsD congratulations on your 5th anniversary!

buzzy laughing at your husband's lazy sperm. Mine has the same problem which shouldn't be much of a shock. He's got plenty of them, they just prefer to sit on the couch watching TV, much like him. With lazy sperm do you think it's better to BD every day or every other day? I have a feeling if we leave it too late, they would never get there in time but if it's too early they'll die before they ever get there.

pout and MrsD Having a diagnosis or not having a diagnosis is like floating on a river of shit with or without a paddle. Sure, maybe it's nice to have a paddle but you're still floating on a river of shit. When we were waiting for DH's SA results I was trying to work out whether there would be any measure of relief for me if we found out his results weren't optimal (which turned out to be the case) because that would mean that it probably wasn't me with the problem. Up to that point I thought it was me (what with housing aliens and such) but it wasn't a relief at all, quite the opposite. We're married, we're linked together for life and his problems are my problems. Just floating down the river of shit together :)

critter I am going to Bar Harbour! We're going to a collective 40th birthday party (every one I know seems to be turning 40 this year) on a lake in Lovell and then meeting friends who have a cabin in Bar Harbour. I'm even more excited now that you've told me it's so nice there. Definitely pm me the details!

euro I'm so sorry to read about the bad result. I've known a few people who have had similar and it always worked out as it was caught before the cancer stage which sounds like where you are. It's very common and very treatable as I'm sure you know but of course it's tiresome having one thing go wrong after another. Best of luck with everything.

Right, I've been inspired, this week I will go out and buy some sexy underwear. Shagweek is almost finished (egg should drop today) and DH has been slugging along like a trooper and deserves something more than vague memories of the sexy things I used to wear to bed (as do I).

Oh FFS Euro , the gods of shite are really doing their stuff right now.. I am so sorry to hear this. I don't really understand what you have to have done now to get rid of it but I see from above that it's just as well they have caught it in time.. Can your drugs have made this happen? As if you haven't been through enough already. I am sorry.

I will catch up with other posts later.

Loving the river of shit analogy missm you hit the nail on the head there!

I dreamt last night I got a bfp. It was one of those blue cross ones, ive never used them. I trotted off to tell mr wine and we hugged and I felt soooooo happy. And then I woke up. It felt so very real. Pah. Far better than me squinting in the light to see if there is possibly an evaporation line, cracking the test open and splashing wee in my face. Oh well.

euro how are you today? My two close friends who conceived straight away had both had cone biopsies in the past couple of years. In spite of it being a real cakky hand to be dealt, it has been found in really good time. Dont want to through in red herrings but could these changes elevate nk cells?

Throw. I blame hormones on all spelling errors today, am finding it hard to string a sentence together.

Oh euro, I'm sorry you have had this news. I don't know if you believe in fate but isn't it good that you did abandon the ivf and now you can get this sorted. I also know someone who had ths result, had large area of cells removed and then got pregnant pretty soon after. She has a 2 year old boy now and all tests have been clear since. I think it's quite common. How long ago was your last normal smear? I had one a year ago and I'm wondering if I should ask for another. Big hugs to you. Are you able to take some time off work?

Princess, they told us it would take 4-6 weeks for the results. It's been 3 weeks now. Everything it his game takes so long. I wish I was more patient.

Miss m, I don't think I welcomed you, sorry about that. I hope you like it here! Although I'm sure like me you hope to graduate soon! Shit creek is so true.

euro so sorry to hear your shit news, big hugs

more from me later..........

Hello ladies. Thanks for all your thoughts. Thankfully it is nowhere near cancer, but might develop into cancer over several years if left unchecked. Or it could clear up itself. Apparently 50-90% of mild abnormalities do self-correct, which makes it tempting to leave it alone. But apparently pregnancy can accelerate things, so I don't really have the time to adopt a "wait and see" approach.

joycep & rabbit I think the steroids might be to blame. They are one of the risk factors, because they suppress the immune system which usually holds the HPV (which many of us have) in check. In fact, I do wonder if that is why my NK cells were up in the first place. They have some role to play in fighting cancer, so if pre-cancerous cells were about to form, perhaps they were doing their job and the steroids stopped them. I'll never know. I don't really have any other risk factors. In fact, due to the Pill not agreeing with me, I've mostly used barrier contraception in the past which makes me lower risk than most. But I was careless with one very slutty man, so I suspect that is the source of the HPV! Although apparently 80% of us will come into contact with one of the 100+ HPV strains at some point in our lives. I just unluckily have one of the cancer-causing varieties.

rabbit the dream I had the night before last about the test results all being good was very real. It made it harder to deal with the real results I think.

sarlat the massae sounds amazing.

mrsd my last normal smear was 3 yrs ago. I'd never had an abnormal one before this so I was on the standard 3 yearly schedule.

euro Jesus wept. You must be shocked and worried. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this upset too.
I can't add anything to what others have said but agree that it is a good thing that the changes have been noticed early. My understanding is that this is very treatable at this point. Like I said up thread, my sister went through similar last year, she is okay. Also I echo what mrsd said about the strange way life can work out. You didn't know it, but obviously abandoning the IVF cycle was a good call.
Hope that you are as okay as you can be. If you want me to interrogate my sister on anything let me know

Another post because the juxtaposition of knickers with serious talk didn't seem right.
All this talk on under crackers is making me feel a bit guilty & scuzzy. princess your anniversary grundies budget is probably what I spent every five years on underwear! My knickers are a disgrace. I have two "good" pairs for hospital appointments, a couple of passable sexy pairs that will need dusting off now and many other pairs I have acquired that are simply a disgrace. If I get mown down by a lorry I really don't know how MrP will explain away the ripped seams (usually the arse end for some reason. Still the ripped seam makes a great air flap during times of pile discomfort!) and ragged gussets! The real crime here is that there is actually a more degenerated stage where even I deem my knickers so bad that they are designated "Period Pants". God I am ashamed! I also don't own a bra that fits. That said, I am flat chested so it doesn't really impede me when a boob escapes out the bottom of a bra cup or that I always seem to have one strap that is too loose and slides down my arm. Maybe I ought to do a cull and invest in some bras that look like they actually belong to me!!
Maybe like you critter I could do with an appearance overhaul. Thing is I don't know where to start. I'm not very good at girlie pampering stuff.

rabbit Oh boo hiss at BFP dreams. They are crushing aren't they?

Sarlat Thank you for your explanation of the massage. I was really curious as to what this would involve. Reading what you said made me remember that when I had to visit a Chiropractor for my frozen shoulder she said how my lower back felt compacted and she was convinced that I must have had a road traffic accident. When I said not she said that sometimes a traumatic birth can cause the same kind of thing?! Anyway, not sure why exactly I think that is relevant. It was just the first thing I thought that maybe the position of the womb could be impacted.
I also was musing if a tilted womb can cause problems, namely clotty & painful periods owing to the odd shape. It is interesting that there can be corners and nooks and crannies!
I wonder whether you can buy a book and do DIY massages?

gin I know what you mean about feeling like there is no point even trying each month. Even MrP says that these days.
How is your furry baby?

I've forgotten now everything I have read and what I wanted to say...this thread can be difficult to keep up with!

Pout, your knicker talk has left me snorting my coffee. I'm sure my colleagues think I've lost it.

Euro youre right that the great thing about smears is they show signs of pre cancerous change. Over here it's recommended that you get one every year. I wasn't going to bother this year seeing as it was normal last year and I want to start ivf. But your story makes me think I should get one. What is the treatment for you? Can they get rid of the virus or will it always be there?

Gin, I have the same hopeless feeling about swi. There isn't really any point. There jst aren't enough decent sperm to make it to my egg. If it hasn't happened in 2 years it isnt going to happen, I realize that now. But I guess at the back of my mind I still want to believe in miracles.

mrsd I'm not entirely sure about whether the treatment gets rid of the HPV. In any case, Mr euro must have it too as we have been having swi so he could pass it back to me.

The treatment being suggested to me is LLETZ - basically a wire is used to cut out a section of the cervix and the wound is then cauterised to stop it bleeding too much. I have a fear of burns so this is pretty much my worse nightmare.

Afternoon lovely ladies!

All the good and important stuff has been said already, euro. But I am thinking of you from my couch and keeping stuff crossed for speedy clearing up. Also massive well done for following your instincts re: IVF and getting it sorted now. It does seem totally and grossly unfair though!

Just seen your post on treatment - that sounds scary. Are you awake for the procedure? And I thought you cant get treated for HPV, but I do hope you can... Big hug.

Thankfully pout brought the level of the fred back down with her knicker chat. I am proud of you and you made me laugh out loud too (waves at snorty mrsd, peppermint tea all over the laptop). I have period PJs, mainly because I don't wear much in bed when I am not bleeding, so they came with me to the hospital (as I don't own nighties that are not designed to seduce, which I would have felt very uncomfortable in, although frankly everything is better than hospital gowns).

Right, still sleepy mushy in the lemon-household, so the rest of you will have to make do with a quick wave!

Pout I feel like an insensitive tool for posting about knickers and serious stuff. Thank you for pointing out. Must try better. Although your post did make me laugh. And I need cheering up. More about that later.

Euro I'm sorry if my post didn't come across very well because of it's other contents. I'm sorry that you are going to have to go through something which you are terrified about. My friend has had the procedure done and though it wasn't great, she recovered at home and very quickly and things are all fine now. She just has to have smears every year rather than every 3 years. Still thinking about you. It's really not fair.

I am because the fooking flat sale fell through today . The man who did the valuation (independent not bank) valued it for a lot lot lot less than the offer and a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot less than the valuations done by all 4 estate agent companies we have had over during our time on the market!! Apparently his research was based on the sale of a single flat upstairs last year. He said that ours is worth less because the one upstairs was a penthouse flat that sold for the same amount last year. This is especially annoying because a) he didn't see the other flat upstairs b) it's wasn't a penthouse (that's on the market for double what ours was and is under offer) it just happens to be upstairs and have a decked outside area but smaller inside area c) how can you value a flat based on such research and not a wider comparison across the market? 9 other flats of all shapes and sizes are still subject to sale in this very building, some for the same price as ours???!!! I think he just wanted to look in our cupboards have a chat and a free coffee and then went back and wrote some numbers in a random order on a piece of paper. To think I made him a really, really, really nice organic fair trade freshly brewed coffee and everything. Still the property belongs to my parents and they after the initial annoyance have chilled and are ok about it. Back on the market we go. More viewings to do. Oh yay.

Still every cloud has a silver lining. At least we won't have to temporarily live with the in-laws. I'm still narked though.

Hardly time to catch up but just want to say something comforting to euro albeit not much I can say. Certainly not over and above all the wonderful support from everyone else. You really really didn't need this on top of TTC shit. Interesting, in a bad way, about NK cells. Big hugs to you .

Quick wave to everyone else.

princess NOOOOOOOOO, I've offended you! Not my intention at all. You are not a tool at all. God thread etiquette is so difficult! Is there a book so I can learn? It is always difficult to convey what you mean I think in writing and there is always a worry of offending people...hence the separate post I suppose. I was in no way judging anyone else. I didn't even register it. Why can't we all be RL friends who can actually speak to eachother in person and we can just read eachothers tone and body language?

Anyway, what a shitter about the house sale. I can't believe that the valuer got it so wrong. What a numpty. I feel for you. Doing viewings is a real effort. All that cleaning and tidying and remembering to remove any TTC sources of potential embarrassment. Our old rental was sold and I hated all the viewings especially from the blatant time wasters. We had one old dear who was moving from a 4 bed house. She seemed most put out that she wouldn't be able to fit all her possessions in our two bed house????!!!!! She also went round moaning loudly about "how dark it is in here". That's called character you cantankerous old cow. She was also surprised that our decked patio garden as listed in the particulars was not actually in reality a 600ft lawned garden that she wanted and that the shed hadn't transformed itself into a garage. The eventual buyer bought round his Mum who seemed to think that when you bought a house you got the (our) furniture too

lemons there is no treatment for HPV but often it goes away. 80% of us will be exposed to one strand or other at some point in our lives and usually our immune systems boot it out or make it lie dormant. I suspect because of the steroids, my suppressed immune system has failed to do that.

princess don't apologise. I enjoy your posts. We have to laugh in our misfortune, otherwise we cry. I'm sorry your flat sale is falling through. I think everyone is very jumpy at the moment about house prices and valuers are afraid of being sued if they get it wrong and the economy tanks, so they are lowballing.

Pout you didn't offend me at all.... I did think that my post this morning was littered with too many :) and 's and then commiseration and all sorts of random shizzle in between. I thought it looked a bit weird and not very sympathetic to the awful time that Euro is having. Combined with the banter last week I didn't want everyone to think that I am some sort of bolshy idiot (ok I can be when drunk). I am particularly good at the sticking the size 5s in it in RL and I type pretty quickly and I guess my brain farts out all sorts of randomness. Your separate posts were perfect thread etiquette, I know you have a book on it or you're just a natural. Yes I hate those timewasting bastards people too. Don't they have better things to do with their time than just look round other peoples houses, like they are some sort of budget Lloyd Grossman? I think you were in Sussex before too. House viewing seems to be a very popular Sussex based sport. And why do people have to be so rude? I put some stuff on freecycle this week and had a rather rude response from the person who went to look at the old wood on our drive and then told us that 'sadly it is not good fire wood'. I sent her the following email (I was feeling v.narky):
Perhaps we should have stated kindling. Nonetheless It did say 'old lath batons' on the ad - which should have given you an indication of size. We've had two other happy customers who've had it away for their wood burners. I think we'll store some out back for our wood burner and skip the rest. I haven't heard of Danny House and we don't' have a big enough vehicle to take it from our site.
I don't think you can be dissatisfied with something that's being given away for free but thanks for letting us know anyway!!
Take that and welcome to village life - I know they're going to love me.

Ah euro thanks and thanks. Glad you enjoy the posts. Yes, I too rather enjoy all of the darker humour. It does help us deal with the rubbishness. The consultant who deals with gynecological operations / procedures at Brighton hospital is called Dr Fish. My friend and I had a jolly good laugh about that one. Fnar fnar.

euro you're right, it is very common. Most people don't show any symptoms at all. They found abnormal cells on my cervix as around 10 years ago. I had a biopsy and they were Stage 2. They went away on their own after a few years though so never had to do anything further with it.