TTC 10 plus months, Part 7

[lisacn]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

Nelly I hope you are both back to normal.
Buzzy good luck today.
Euro the emotional rollarcoaster is the hard part but at least you have the chance of IVF I would kill for a go even though I know I would fall apart with the hormones all over.
I am in a stinking woe is me and mad at the world mood. That was our last option and it hasn't worked.
Critter I have just done the same with an early test and BFN. I should be due in four days but with clomid I have been all over so who knows.
So peed off regarding funding for IVF and remembering I am working class so things like that are out of my reach. Never thought I would be too poor to have a baby :(. And no I don't blame any of you on here because if I had the funds I would be doing exactly the same thing. Its just making me very bitter that we don't all get the same chance.
I have no idea what the clinic will do at the next appointment I am assuming they will just discharge us. We are still non the wiser as to why its not happened for us and it doesn't seem like there is any more testing available on NHS.
Where to go from here? Who knows lol. Give up I guess

Sorry for the Monday morning strop just finding it all hard to process at the moment. Wish I could take some time off work to deal with it all

Morning all,

Well it was busy on here over the weekend and I must get on with work. But I just wanted to say.... Carrie I'm so sorry about what an utterly rubbish time you are having. It's not fair that you haven't had a baby with your husband yet; it's not fair that doctors are not treating you properly; it's not fair that you don't have access to IVF; it's not fair that you were told you had an STI when it was a straight-forward infection and doctors have made you feel slaggy and dirty (this is completely wrong - as I said an STI is like a cold; or any other infection you may get somewhere else on / in your body - just because it's passed on through sex is irrelevant because sex is normal and natural and what we're supposed to do as animal human adults. No-one would reprimand a tiger or a pigeon for having STIs in the wild because they had to many mates. Or maybe just one unfortunate one. Or maybe a lower immunity. Grr stupid social judgement); it's not fair about your kidney / liver situation. My heart goes out to you. And I'm sorry that you are feeling sad because you don't have access to private funding either and that you feel you will have to give up. Again, it's rubbish. I don't want you to come on here and feel sad. I hope that you get to see a doctor at some point down the line who gives you the care you deserve and you get the answers you're looking for. It could just be that your liver and kidneys need some help and that in turn will help your reproductive and endocrine systems, which in turn will allow you to have a baby naturally. I can't remember how old you are but I've a feeling from my ailing memory that you are young. I know that there isn't anything I can say to make you feel better. But I do know that bad moods and down times pass. Maybe try for a new doctor in a different area if you can? We all have a choice of where to be treated under NHS choices. I opted for my local hospital out of convenience but I will try for another if I'm not happy. Anyway, huge hugs to you. Oh and you still haven't told us about your tattoo? How is it healing? What did you have? Do you have lots of tattoos?

Critter really sorry about the BFN. As you say you ov'd and you're back in the game. I hope you are having a really lovely time with your sister.

In other news, I have brown sludge spotting today. 6 DPO. Never had this before - ever. New one on me. Completely different to the mid-cycle periods I was getting earlier in the year. Look in TCOYF over breakfast and there are 3 suggestions: ovulatory bleeding (but i ov'd days ago and that happens at time of ov bleeding - so nope not that one); anovulatory bleeding (but I have a definite o/v based on temp chart, OPK and CM); implantation bleeding....well. What. Can. I. Say? ARRRRGGGGGGGGGH. . Don't feel happy, feel pissed off because this is not supposed to have happened and if it isn't implantation bleeding what the hell is it and how am I supposed to get through this morning without mentalling for every second of every minute until I can get to Boots and procure some hob nobs. Brain says, not possible. We had sex twice before ov'd CD5 and CD11. I ov'd on CD16 (according to FF). FF says low chance, that 7.5% of pregnant cycles show spotting on 6 DPO. The fertility gods are against me. But, BUT, heart says, "oooohh, sperm can live for up to 5 days and there is a small possibility and what a romantic possibility that this is the one, against all odds, maybe you are in the small % the other way 'round this time." And then I get a bit of the old Disco classic, "This is it, this is it, oooooh this time I know it's the real thing" spiraling around in my head. I feel like one of those cartoon characters where the whole environment shifts and goes about skewed. I feel like I'm in a Dali painting. I am taking this all to mean, no you are not pregnant. And that's that. Because it would be utterly ridiculous, especially as I'm not supposed to get pregnant this cycle. Most annoying of all, I can't take my morning supplements for worrying in case I am. I will of course keep you updated when I have eaten the hobnobs. STUPID FEMALE BODY OF DOOM. But mostly because I know what crushing effect a negative hob nob can do and then I'm left pondering what the hell is going on up my muff. Brilliant, just brilliant way to start the week.

Carrie so sorry, Princess has put it perfectly. Not fair at all. Every version of not fair seems to to be with us on this thread. Sorry again.

Princess shit that is tough, I can totally relate to the cycle curve balls. The problem is when we put so much effort and attention on this process and try to will our bodies to do the right thing it puts so much extra pressure when the curve balls come. I really feel for you.

sarlat of course Joycep is right you should put your faith with the process. I didn't mean to add fuel to the fire. Only that for me, sometimes I have to explore something even if it's just to draw a line under it, know why I didn't do it and move on.

sarlat I think the results come back quite quickly - a week to ten days after posting the sample off is what I have read elsewhere. I sent a query to Serum on Friday and they responded within a couple of hours.

carrie it is just so unfair. I would happily trade my one round of NHS IVF for more investigations to try to get rid of this horrible "unexplained" label, but that is not an option. You don't get one at all, which sucks.

princess I can understand the mentalling. If it helps to stop it, when I got what I am sure was implantation bleeding it was watery pink blood, like a weak strawberry cordial. I've never had anything like it before or since.

Thanks Euro. I had a tiny spot of blood yesterday. Thought nothing of it. And a wipe of the brown sludge today. Had a bit of a self exam a few times this morning (sorry if TMI) and have got a little brown sludge on finger each time. Sort of like brown CM. But not very much at all. I can't take this any more. It's not busy. I'm going to the shops to buy a test. I've told the office I've got a headache and I'm going out to buy some headache pills.

Ok, so HPT #1 is negative. But is it too early to test? Argh. Head fuckety fuck fuck fuck. Everything I google about brown spotting 6DPO says "TTC success!" "early pregnancy sign". I can't find anything anywhere about anything else. Plus I've a hunch that 6DPO is too early to test. My period isn't due for another 7 days yet. I have a Clear Blue in reserve and a feeling that I will be buying a whole load more over the next few days.

Princess you know of course if this is implantation bleeding then a test likely will not should anything for a good few days yet. Very difficult for you. I never never spot post ov but like euro I had one time watery pink CM at DPO 8, my period came on time but until then I hung on to hope that it was implantation bleeding, perhaps, perhaps... Hugs.

X-post Princess

www.countdowntopregnancy.com/early-pregnancy-symptoms/implantation-bleeding.php

www.countdowntopregnancy.com/early-pregnancy-symptoms/spotting-during-luteal-phase.php

Have you looked here Princess ?

Thanks Purple. I guess I just have to ride this one out. I've emailed my nutritionist to see what I should do re supplements and tiny possibility. I am sure that I am not pregnant. The article you sent says that spotting is a negative pregnancy indicator. Don't you just lurve the female body. I going to make a cup of tea and have a word with myself, "calm down dear!" Then I'm going to order some First Response tests from Amazon. I will then try and regain some sense of normality and test later in the week there's going to be a lot of hob nob eating this week

I hate that website in general because most of it is just fuel to the crazy. However the piece on spotting in the LP is helpful and balanced I think. Indeed, I says overall it's a negative thing but explains why, what is understood and not understood. When things change or there is an freak event its natural in our situation to want it to mean the best thing possible.

Btw sorry looks like the links were not active, but you found it anyway....

Morning ladies

princess sorry that you have spotting mentalling going on. I have nothing constructive to add. I guess it is just a waiting game which I know must feel tortuous. Stuff the Hob Nobs, I think you need to break out the Chocolate covered, double chocolate chip, dipped in chocolate again biscuits.

carrie I'm so sorry that you are feeling so fed up. I hear you on the unfairness of funding. I felt like that when we lived in Sussex and I was cut loose from the clinic with the helpful advice to "go private for IVF". My response to that was to enquire whether the NHS were buying kidneys these days so I could fund this private treatment. The doctor giggled nervously. It does feel like being poor is a barrier to decent fertility treatment. Have you looked at the PCT guidelines for your area to check that you have been offered EVERY test that you are entitled to? Sending you big hugs.

carebear thanks for posting the response from the clinic. It is all very interesting.

gin I am so envious that you saw the Stone Roses. Memories of happy days!
BTW my ex, not so much boyfriend but daliance, wasn't anybody that interesting! Just a good way to get to see some decent bands shallow smiley
The ovulation sticks are doing my head in. I'm not getting any dark lines at all. How they are supposed to make TTC easier is beyond me, I'm teetering on being certifiable.

wine at MrW doing jobs outside in the rain to get away. If only that worked on MrP, our garden would look like the Gardens of Versaille by now.
Hope that you feel a bit brighter today.

joycep thanks for the info on the hidden infections. It seems to make such sense I really am wondering why the heck the NHS aren't doing this as part of their very basic and initial work up.

euro It's good to hear that you are in a better place and that seeing your friend helped a bit. How long to go?

buzzy Good luck with follie tracking (I keep calling them follicules like some nimrod!)

critter Crap at BFN. Hope you are okay.
Good luck with your blood test.

purple at perusing pregnancy work out DVDs. Mind you I reckon they might be more suitable for me anyway.

I am in a complete quandry and may have solved my TTC troubles with a made up diagnosis of over mature follies . Despite indications on Friday in my scan that I was due to ovulate between Friday and Sunday I haven't. No positive stick at all, no ovulation pain and no boob pain, nada. I have started with full on EWCM today which makes me think that ovulation won't be for another couple of days yet which would be more in line with my usual pattern. Dr Google has thrown up some sketchy stuff about dominant follies that grow too big before ovulation being unlikely to be fertilisable (is that a word?) because they are of poor quality. I have started a fred on this to see if I am completely bonkers....the lack of replies at the time of writing would seem to confirm that I am indeed a total tool!

Pout I don't think you are a tool. If it's any help, I POAS every wee around ov. I only got one strong line, but I can see it coming as the faint lines get increasingly stronger. After the strong one - nothing. And it happens at different times of the day cycle to cycle (I've only done 2 cycles like this tho). I realise that this thorough approach sounds a bit neurotic. But it works for me. If you have EWCM today, as you say then you should ov in the next couple of days. As they are monitoring you, shouldn't they be able to give you some info about your googling finds? I am about to pee on the hob nobs and then procure some more from Boots (first repsonse, double choc variety). Plus I've just had a mega row with the mobile phone company about their utter incompetence and my lack on phone - 2.5 weeks. Beyond a joke. Still, I vented a lot of anger and frustration at them about sludge-gate.

Hello ladies. Well it?s still pissing it down in the north. I am getting webbed feet. Ugh. If anyone has experienced dry weather lately, don?t tell me about it. Though joking aside, I get quite down with bad weather which probably didn?t help the mood last week. Anyway Mr Nelly and I are back on speaking terms, we had a few chats over the weekend. He was trying to make me stop seeing IVF etc as a symbol of my failing, and that I hadn?t done anything wrong such as fill myself with heroine in my yoof; and didn?t understand why I was so secretive about it all. I pointed out that people will judge me because of my age and how it?s my own fault; that a lot of people think IVF is a lifestyle choice; I regaled him with the story of my boss and the IVF leave and he looked a bit horrified. So I think he naively (bless him) assumed everyone would be supportive and happy for us but now realises there are some right feckers out there. Anyway he is being very consistent in his message that this is a problem for both of us to deal with, and that he thinks I need to stop being so hard on myself as it?s something for us both to deal with. I slightly felt like I was reading from the script you had all written for me, but I shared some of the thoughts about how it?s impossible to ignore because your body sends you signals all the time; and about the frustrations and jealousy etc. I think he understands a lot more now; but on the other hand we were talking honeymoon again, and I told him I was thinking of downgrading our plans sometime from what was ostensibly turning into a mad round the world trip, as after the stress of wedding and TTC/possible IVF I?d probably just want to lie on a beach. But I suggested that we start saving up for a round the world trip in a couple of years. He was very negative, saying with all the wedding and house plans we had, we?d never be able to afford it. We nearly came to blows again ? I tried to point out that me might be really lucky and have 2 kids by then; but if we didn?t, it was essential that we made non-child-friendly, exciting extravagant plans that gave us things to look forward to. He still doesn?t get that part.

So ? that?s us. Thank you to everyone for your support, and at wine thinking sparks fly in this house! Passion indeed ? if you saw us at the weekend in our working clothes and muddy wellies, fixing fencing or up to our necks in mud, passion wouldn?t be the word that sprang to mind!

Now to try to catch up.

teu grrr about your ERTD being late. That?s always such a kick in the teeth. I too like the idea of an Outlook appointment, except all of my team can see my calendar, that?d be interesting!

euro I?m so sorry to read the torture you have been going through regards IVF. Sounds like you have reached a level of acceptance, though it?s hard to know if that is a good thing or not. I can?t offer any words of wisdom, certainly nothing more than the excellent support you?ve received both here and elsewhere, but whatever you ultimate decide, we?ll be 100% here for you. Well done on seeing your pregnant friend, I find that very very hard at the best of times.

artemis - my twin! at all the points everyone made about not having to apologise just to get Mr N's sperm for this month! Shag week commences just in time for peace accord to take effect.

joy haha at your colleague?s challenging teenager! Phew, luckily there are just the cats ruling our lives here, not to mention my hobbles who never do what they are told and are hard hard work. But stop reading the Daily Heil ? that way madness lies.

Glad you are feeling better mrsden - solid food is indeed progress!

care wow at posting your period. And double-wow at the infections being found.

lemon arrrgh at the ?lifestyle choice? comment. See, Mr Nelly, tis true. People are idiots. Hooray for copious amounts of alcohol.

sar good advice to euro from someone who has been through it once already. I think my current main objection to doing IVF is I have no reason to suspect it will work. So I feel like I?ll be donating £5k to the doctor. Frankly, I?d rather spend it on a luxury holiday! (But as I?ve read down thread, I realise I should consider myself very lucky we can pay, and apologise profusely for being so insensitive to carrie, pout and others.) I?m sorry your head is still all over the place, but as joy says, go with the new doc, you liked her, the Period to Greece is a back-up plan I guess?

pout for goodness sake don?t tell MrP you are posting your period! Mr Nelly would think I?d totally lost the plot! Per your comment about second babies, I hear this time and again, not least with my sister. Was lucky to have an IVF baby on second go, then a failed FET, but got pregnant naturally a few months later. Shame we can?t just show our wombs a video or something. Oh FFS, just Google it and watch something on YouTube, then you?ll know what to do, alright? And Shudder at the MiL at your wedding.

always I don?t even remember giving you advice ? I hope it was good . But that just shows we all struggle with the thread. So sorry about the original due date ? something I?ve never had to endure, so I hope it passed without being too painful for you and Mr Always.

buzzy I hope MrB?s swimmers are bucking up their ideas! And that drug-dealer of ours has been very slack. Perhaps there have been some complications may have been watching too much Breaking Bad. The target dates are a nightmare. 2 year TTC anniversary coming up, just as I step up and IVF age bracket. Then the wedding. Then the honeymoon, where I?m not booking my top destination because it is malarial and I might be pregnant. Which is setting myself up for an even bigger fall. Good luck for the scan, I agree with not telling work where you were going!

Loving the review of the SR gig gin and the stoned 40year olds. When I used to work in a nightclub I used to roll my eyes at the ?oldies? who came in at the weekend, pretending they were still up for it. That?s me now I reckon . I hear you on the pity-party, that?s exactly the type of thing I?d do ? put 2 completely unrelated things together and berate myself for them all being my fault. Gosh I read Inconceivable years and years ago, way before I even knew I wanted children, and way before I could understand the hurt. I might have to read it again ? isn?t a film with the one of the Richardson?s in it as well?

Ah wine sorry you are in the pit with me, and quite a lot of the rest of us actually. I can check Yes to most of the things on your list, except exercise which I never really do unless it?s dangerous. Though Mr N took me to his gym yesterday, which is in a nice hotel and has a pool/sauna/steam room etc. I lay on a lounger and read my book, swam about 4 lengths, and that?s it. He cycled, did weights, physio etc then a bit of swimming. He told me I?m not allowed to count that as exercise .

Ah critter sorry about the BFN ? too early maybe? But oh yes to children being boring. Sometimes I look at things parents do and think, oh please let that not have to be me. Now I remember why I put off parenthood for so long in the first place. Soft play? Work of the devil.

purple you made me laugh at both the shoplifting toddler (real-life experience perhaps ) and the exercise DVD. See my comments above re my thoughts on exercise.

Carrie I am so sorry about the lack of funding for you :(. Too early to test though, you know that don?t you? Chin up, big hugs to you.

princess - BREATHE!!! I don?t know if you want to hear this but I had brown spotting a cycle or two ago and it was no more than period come early. And another month I thought I had implantation and again it turned out to be a short cycle. I guess in this thread as opposed to others you will get the ?calm down dear, it?s highly unlikely? response, as we are all bitter and twisted but yes it is too early to test in any case. Oh weird as I carried on reading I saw you had already told yourself to calm down!

OK that feels like a mahoosive catch up, better get some real work done again today. Hugs to you all. Sorry for those I missed. Never mind a baby dance, I?m doing a sun-dance. I suspect the rubbish weather is mostly to blame for the current low ebb on here. That, and the lazy bastard of a Big Finger who has not so much cast a glance in our direction for too long now. BFPs are way overdue on here

Oh also - I just did the usual stupid thing of clicking on a thread with the "I POAS and....." title. I knew full well what was coming, no-one starts threads like that if it's a BFN do they? Anyway the poster had been TTC for over a year and just got a BFP before they were due to start IVF. So I SHOULD have been very happy to hear that, but instead thought a year? Pah

Oh dear I am this >>>

*too . It was a typo, not a grammatical error, honest guv .

Too many cluster posts. Will leave you in peace for a bit now.

Thank you Princess and all of you for being sympathetic and not telling me to go away and shut up moaning.
I will share my experiences of a couple of times spotting but not sure it will help.
First time it was an ectopic and was brown like you describe that was 8 years ago. Second time it was red and didn't stop and I was pregant with DD who is now 6. Didn't stop spotting until around 3 months, it was a scarey time.
The third time was red and lots and was about 6 months ago, they ran tests worried it was another ectopic which is wasn't and they still don't know what it was. It did start during the deed opps but for no reason. ( We weren't swinging from the lampshade or doing scenes from 50 shades of grey.
I would be exactly the same but would also make a docs appointment for ASAP so they can check what it is especially as you haven't had it before.
Just been for latest blood tests (kidney/liver related) and not sure I have anything left in me.
My tattoo is not my first its my forth. I was worried about sharing details in case I am spotted but frankly who cares lol. Its a dandelion on my bum/hip with seed pods that come off and go up my back turning into birds. It covers right to the top of my back.
You are not a tool Pout we all want answers and if we had the right tests an support we wouldn't need to google anything.
I don't understand how with the cost of ivf that further investigations are not a priority. I would have thought that a little more research and cheaper simple tests such as a course of antibiotics can't be looked at. By reading this thread I can't see anyone that's overjoyed with the IVF process and most hate the meds they have to take. Surely more research should be done into why people have problems in the first place and maybe another solution might be an option

princess I was erring on the side of pee on a stick every couple of hours but MrP was giving me the "what a pointless waste" look and exclaiming how I'd "only done one 2 hours ago". FFS they cost about 2 quid for ten and I'm never, EVER, going to use them again so who cares how many I piss on? Funny how he only ever takes an interest in anything TTC related when we have spent money on it!

I am hoping that when I have my last scan they will throw some light on what the hell happened - vain hope probably! Problem is I don't know when to book my next scan. My instructions were to telephone and book the last scan as soon as I get a positive ov pee stick and book it for a week after. Can you imagine trying to explain to the receptionist who is conditioned to only book you in when they are told that you have a positive OPK that no, I haven't had a positive, but probably need to have a scan anyway? My mind might explode just thinking about it!

at peeing on the hob nobs
Also evil laugh at you unleashing your spotting fury on the mobile phone company. Who can I phone and unleash on?

nelly It's good that you've had the "chat" with MrN. This is a regular thing in the Pout household....DH seems to have a short memory.

IVF is such a minefield & I don't really see it as the holy grail either (though I am glad the option is there IYSWIM) . I have just spoken to my Mum and she is of the opinion (despite me telling her the opposite) that it is a sure fire bet & will get me updiffed. I didn't expect to be managing other peoples expectations like this. I also feel compelled to point out that I am now living in an area that has IVF funding...just in case anyone thinks we suddenly won the lottery or something!

Gin and nelly I also do the pity party big style. Nothing is as simple as "shit I've burned the toast" or "ouch I've stubbed my toe" anymore. It's ALL about not being pregnant and it's all a bloody conspiracy to torment me!

I forgot to say in my last post that my crappy weekend of no ovulation, the emergence of the uber haemerrhoid (still can't spell it) and news of the looonnng business trip for DH reached a wonderful crescendo with a pregnancy announcement. A honeymoon baby no less. I sobbed like a three year old. I would've flounced off to bed too, Gone With the Wind stylee, if my arse didn't hurt so bloody much. Instead I sat rather gingerly on the edge of the couch, legs propped on the coffee table, sobbing. 'Twas a curious sight no doubt

Carrie x-posted with you. I like the sound of the dandelion. It's unusual.

I totally agree with you that about not having the right support. Dr Google should not be our mainstay of info but unfortunately is.

When do you get your blood test results?
I'm sorry that you feel so drained by everything. I understand totally that it must feel overwhelming for you. I repeat (and hope that the fertility Gods hear this time) that it's not fair.

Hi ladies

Busy weekend here. Particularly impressed with carebear's Athens adventure! 2 months of antibiotics sounds heavy duty but I do hope that's the solution for you. keep us updated, you are our pioneer and we will all be eager to hear how you get on . I do find it bizarre that this kind of research is not taken more seriously by the NHS. It makes me really angry that so many of us are labelled 'unexplained' and pushed down the IVF route after very minimal testing when it's possible that the problem might be caused by the aftermath of a sexy cold...

Euro how are you? have you finished the downregging injections yet? I'd be interested to hear how you progress with Serum, this testing route is really interesting.

Gin I did at your description of the Roses gig. Hope your fur baby is OK. Ours is elderly and spends a lot of time asleep, I find myself checking her breathing sometimes. I'd be such a neurotic mother. I'll get hold of Inconceivable to take on my holidays.

Mrsden how are you feeling? Hope you are back on solids, though best play it safe and stick with the ice cream a while longer

I've enjoyed the life without kids stuff. Joycep at the evil teenager... I have a friend whose teenage kids fleece her regularly. Now she's got to pay uni fees as well as keeping them in the latest technology and designer labels she seems to spend her life servicing her kids' needs and I do think she resents it. It's not appealing. Step away from the Daily Heil though, it's bad for your health!

Sarlat I looked up your woo lady and might contact her. I might be deluded but am far happier with the woo stuff than I am with the prospect of drugs.

Lemon well done for booking your lap and grrr at the stupid 'IVF as lifestyle choice' opinions you encountered.

wine I hope you're feeling better and less mardy this week. You smashed your mum's sphincter muscles? Really??? eww - I think you might have just cured me of my desire to be pregnant!

Carrie it's too early to test though I understand the need to do it. Your tattoo sounds amazing. The financial barriers to IVF are massively unfair. One of my dilemmas is whether to put savings into a private cycle before the one NHS cycle we're allowed because even if we managed to afford it we would have no money left at the end. I'd either have a baby and massive financial stress or worse still, no baby and massive financial stress. I can't remember who suggested finding out what investigations your PCT will fund but that sounds like good advice.

Nelly glad you and Mr N are back on speaking terms! It's good that he listened to how you feel though I still think men don't really get it - and probably they can't as they don't live this stuff day to day like we do. I am like you (obviously ) in needing some longer term plans for a life without kids but Mr A is very much a day to day person so that causes us some tension. I've told him I'm planning it all anyway and I'll go round the world without him if I have to - and I mean it .

Purple pregnant lady exercise DVDs? blimey. If I ever do get pregnant i plan to lie on the couch being fragile and getting waited on hand and foot, never mind flailing around in front of the TV

Pout bugger about the confusing ovulation. It's meant to be more straightforward when you know this stuff but it's not, bodies still sabotage our best efforts. Just keep shagging? Particularly if you have EWCM. I think Purple's right and excess shagging is more likely to sap your will to live carry on rather than making much difference to the sperm.

Princess waaaaaa that is shit... there's not much else to say apart from to send sympathy and (posh chocolate hob nob not cat bum). Hope your nutritionist could provide some reassurance. It is far too early to test but you know this, I understand the need to find out. Though given Carrie's comment about the ectopic, if you get the slightest bit of pain or fever you should see your GP.

I'm in the calm zone in between end of AF and beginning of shag week. Taken the clomid but then realised I have to go away to a 3-day conference early on CD16 so if I ov late like last month I'll miss it. FFS. I've found the infection talk and Euro's IVF thread immensely helpful and done a lot of thinking. We have a holiday coming up so I need to have some conversations with Mr A about where we go next. I want to have the hsg but if we are still unexplained after that I don't honestly know what I will want to do. We had a nice weekend doing stuff we probably couldn't do if we had a young child and I felt like a normal person with a life that isn't blighted by barrenness. I guess the one choice I haven't considered is just accepting this hasn't happened and moving on.

Waves to everyone, gosh we've nearly filled up another thread. It didn't turn out to be lucky number 7 but that means there's all the more opportunity for the fertility gods to shine on number 8...

Hey guys

princess just checking in to say that 6 DPO spotting sounds like a total nightmare, poor you - you must be mentalling away like crazy. Thinking of you and hoping that you get some answers, what a horribly stressful thing to have to go through.

nelly glad things have cooled off with Mr Nelly although I too have a sneaking suspicion that you two have sparks flying a go-go, and the country setting just adds to it - Jilly Cooper stylee!

carrie your dandelion sounds beautiful. I've always been too much of a square to get a tattoo but I love them on other people.

pout sorry about the bloody honeymoon baby announcement - those are the absolute worst! Gah, the romance of it... grrr. Although I'd love nelly to have a honeymoon baby. Sorry about the haemorrhoid as well - that is miserable. Mr C gets them sometimes when he's stressed and they are no picnic.

So I haven't got my test result yet (although will be stunned if it isn't a negative) but thought you'd all be amused that when I went in this morning, it was 'Patient Appreciation Day' and there was a buffet set up in the waiting room with coffee, tea, OJ, strawberries, fruit salad, croissants and pastries! SO American! Heheh! I was loving it and thought how much you ladies would have been tickled. Naturally I tucked in. The handsome African American male nurse who does the blood tests was teasing all the women in the waiting area about having to eat up before getting their blood tests and it was actually a really cheerful atmosphere, not like the usual stony silence. So that was nice. :)

oh princess I wish I could offer you an anti mentalling pill. It would be amazing if this was embryo snuggling bleeding. But, the womb is a law unto itself, certainly for me anyway. I've had bleeding on 7 and 9dpo that wasn't the start of my period, just a few hours of pinky brown bleeding. Usually though the spotting continues until my period kicks in which can be an afternoon up to 5 days. If not implantation bleeding I don't know what the bits of bleeding can be but it makes your brain ache doesn't it? I did wonder if it was because I kept checking my cervix so knocked that on the head. On the plus side I have undertaken extensive google research on lp bleeding. I have found LOADS of people who have regular spotting and get pregnant. And implantation bleeding is seemingly a real thing too. But, you are currently wasting hobnobs! Thinking of you.

pout poor youwhat a perfect storm of a weekend, so sorry about the preg announcement, they never do get any easier. Big hug. Could you maybe say you have had a positive? Or is that daft? You know I'm going to be googling over ripe eggs now what do they suggest is the answer to this?

nelly glad you had a good chat. I hope I didn't sound strange about the sparks! Meant only in a lovely way, I do often post on here and afterwards wonder if I explained myself uselessly. I meant to say that I found planning my wedding fun in loads of ways but man it was full on so throwing ivf into the mix is bound to be stressful. I do think boys have a better anti worry shield that I wish I could fashion for myself.

critter thinking if you and results. I had my bloods done today and there wasnt a croissant in sight!

Artemis I found your post very calming, thank you. I too am having more and more moments where I think that if it isn't meant to be...we'll mostly be ok. sorry about the clomid timing. How have you found it? My nurse was adamant that should be my next step today, but I'm scared it will turn me loopy and I'm evil enough as it is with normal pmt

Carrie don't give up hope. It may be that your body just needs to get itself mended first. I second chasing up your pct to check you have everything you are entitled to.

sarlet hope you aren't getting too worried about the whole infection thing, it's soo complex. Your lady consultant was nice wasn't she - do you feel you could ask? I'm also going to look at the woo lady and will be really interested to hear how you get on.

I'm sorry for grumpy posting yesterday. I am a sunshine girl. Lack of it makes me feel . There is no hint of sun in the long term forecast until later in July. And then not in the North West! I was recalled to the docs today to discuss my ongoing anemia as latest results not good. Spatone doenst appear to be doing it's job ffs. I can't take the iron horse pills. I have been asked to collect today's results on thurs with the doc and talk about next steps. I was asked about my diet but I've been eating blood building food forevers. There is only so much beef and kale I can ingest. I don't feel too bad but I'm just at home taking it easy, I'm not sure I could be at work without feeling shattered.

Critter that sounds lovely. The NHS limits itself to offering water (which is fair enough I suppose).

Pout how awful about the 'roid. I could barely walk from one end of the house to the other with the one I had last year.

Princess I hope you are doing ok.

Nelly I fully get the travel dilemma. I would love to go on a safari, but I have yet to find one that isn't in a malarial area.

I had my downreg scan today. Everything looked good - both ovaries quiet and lining thin. However, they then said I couldn't start the stimms until Saturday (to fit in with their collection timing) and I lost the plot (not shouting and screaming but in my head). It's absolutely inhumane to keep someone feeling like this for an additional week for the convenience of the clinic's diary. So anyway, on the basis of that, we decided to stop this awful process now. Then they came back to us and said they could move us forward to starting on Wednesday. I know I could drag myself through another couple of days of this shit, but both of us had actually felt such relief when we had taken the decision to stop, I think we will anyway. Mr euro had to go back to work, so we will talk about it again tonight, but I think the decision is made. I have never felt as bad in my life as I have in the past two weeks. I just can't believe that anything good can come out of this awful process at this point.

On the way up to the appointment I told Mr euro that we would have to go shopping this weekend so I could try to pick up a couple of looser outfits for when my ovaries swell to the size of grapefruits and that completely freaked him out so I think he was feeling pretty uncomfortable with the process anyway. We are both a bit scared of regretting stopping but we are fortunate enough that if we want to later on, we can self-fund treatment.

We have the formation of a plan B - the rest of the immunology tests with Gorgy over the summer during which time we take a couple of months off. In the autumn, we have a holiday and maybe try another iui. Then in about 6 months, we might try a mild version of ivf, with no downregging. I've just got home and spent the past 20 minutes crying my eyes out (for the first time in this process). It was relief, I think.