After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Well you would never know we had a mc the way my dh is acting. He cried initially and at the scan but since then it's life as usual. I guess it is the healthy way for someone to cope but it is a bit different for us women as we have lost a lot more and have to go through the bodily and hormonal issues, iyswim?

Good Morning All.

Foof So sorry to hear you are not getting the support you need. After first mc I made my husband stick to my side for about 3 days (he even came to the loo with me twice - number 1's only!). I hope you are feeling a bit better today (and that he has a stinking hangover!).

Funny I had a 'normal' mc in Jan and a mmc a few weeks ago and they were pretty similar tbh. I bled for about a week with both. The mmc I had medical mmt in hospital and bled very, very heavily while I was there but it tailed off to virtually nothing after 24 hours, the other mc was like a slightly heavy period with one day of heavier bleeding (which was still managable). I think everyone is very different though. I think you will only know what you feel like doing the morning of a party / event. I have felt pretty OK most days and have been quite sociable but then the odd morning I get up and I just want to sit in my jim jams on my own with a brew and shit TV. There is no way to know what kind of day tomorrow will be!!

Those ladies discussing diets...I am starting Rosemary Connely tomorrow - I dont have the will power to be able to chose things from a list, I have to be told what I am allowed to eat for each day. Hopefully I will shift a little bit of the weight I put on while eating for two (and loving it!!), might have to switch to SW if / when i get duffed up though (fingers crossed!!)

oh foof sorry to hear your house is rocky. Sounds harsh. Agree with jo though that maybe he isn't able to look after you properly at the mo? My Dh is pretty much everything as usual which makes me sad and i worry for him. If I get too sad he gets all cross with me! WTF? I realise this is because he gets cross when he is stressed or sad which is a crap reaction and I bring him up on it but... mars and venus and all that. Do you have any friends who can help give you cuddles and sympathy?

I am wobbly today. S'ok though.

So yesterday I thought I was coping better, apart from the couple of little outbursts. Today I'm not coping at all :( I seem to have hit anger, I screamed and shouted and stormed out of the room when dd2 had a tantrum this morning. I then went to church, thinking I could cope with it, and I sat quietly sobbing through the whole service, not good. I think I want to go back to curling up in a ball and ignoring the world, but it doesn't seem like that's an option right now with a demanding toddler wondering why mummy keeps crying all the time.

hey jo, I feel your pain. I was so sorted and with it yesterday but today I am properly grieving. I feel like I did when I lost my Dad, lonely and sad and sensitive and sort of pointless. I just want to be left alone to watch tv in my pj's and eat all the easter egg chocolate in the house. I am not angry though, hope you are ok.

we'll be ok soon, we need to emote to get over this x

anyway. am so bloody tired and feeling really 'off' today. Wonder if it might mean something is starting? definitely get the feeling my body is saying to STOP. sadly, with DS that is not possible!

today is another day, talked and i think sorted. haven't cried today :) and just got jiggy

great news foof. hope you doing ok today jo
x

I am having a relaxing day at home. Dd1 is back at school, dd2 is at childminder. Dp has taken the day off work too. I have been messing around on here and on facebook, I have had a healthy lunch (probably the healthiest meal I've eaten in weeks) and will be off to bed soon, possibly with some company . I feel a bit guilty about not being at work actually as I'm having a fairly decent day.

Glad you had a good talk foof, hope that sorts it all out. You need each other right now.

How are you doing today fun?

am quite shit today jo but getting better thanks to tea, chocolate and my daft toddler. Actually, I haven't cried today so that is good I guess, but I feel lonely and glum inside. Tomorrow DS is at the childminder so I can work; i intend to do one hour of work and four hours of dossing in front of the tv :)

Maybe you feel ok today jo because you are having a 'nice' day and need that space to cheer up and move on. I want a piece of that too! Not the shagging bit though, heck no ;0)

Well, dh is STILL away (and I think he missed me ovulating, although the best I got from the cheapie sticks I got online was a very faint pink line otherwise nadda).

Not feeling too bad about the mc but feeling decided sad that it doesn't look like I will be pg again any time soon. (Although I did feel very sick in the car this morning and tried to convince myself it was ms. Sad, very sad) So, on a 2ww hoping that I ov before dh went away (unlikely) and that I am pg (even more unlikely)

Hang on in there girls.

Oh, and foof ... glad you have sorted things. Hope it is all good from now on :)

Good news on the talking and jiggy jiggy foof, hope today has been a good one! Glad you've had a good day to jodidi - dont feel bad about not being in work - enjoy!

Hope choccie has helped perk you up fun - It always works for me (hence the excessive baby weight without an actual baby :( )

I feel your pain Anon - My DH was on a stag do this weekend and I am pretty sure I OV'd though, like you, those stupid little sticks didnt help me! We did say we would wait till at least one cycle was over but I was kind of hoping for a little 'accident'! Still, theres always next month......

Hope you have all had lovely days. I am very excited about a spot of retail therapy tomorrow - Wed is my first day back at work since mc and I am going to buy myself something pretty to take the edge off it!!!

{{hugs for funny}} I've found the days i don't cry I just feel lost/empty/don't know what to do. But is that better than sobbing my heart out all day? I don't know.

My MW rang again to see how things were, told her about what I felt was unsympathetic treatment and while she did offer to have a word/told me I could send in a letter if I wanted, I felt she was still on their side (suppose she has to be professionally I don't know) although she did take my point about dates and that if there's any doubt fair enough,they've seen it lots of times but if there's no doubt at all (and I pointed out would have gotten a BFP before we'd even concieved!) then I told her I felt patronised, insulted and that they should have given us info on what to expect.

She says we are to wait 3 cycles, that it is standard practise, so I questionedt on that one ;) according to the miscarriage assoc. you can try as soon as you feel ready!

Jiggy was nice last night, have been feelign increasingly horny which shocked me but as MW pointed out, there's always a boom in babies after tragedies because people turn to each other for intimacy and comfort, suppose that's right enough...

Jiggy on my good friends!

My god this thread took off since I last checked in!

Pink - spray adhesive, you having to clean it up... noooo! I felt for you. I'm the wrong sort of girl, I would like to be a perfectionist about house cleanliness... but I can't keep up.

Jodidi what did you decide in the end, did you dtd/ttc? I really wanted to. Although for the sake of getting pregnant - not because I feel like having sex. I feel flabby, and a bit anxious as have not had sex for 4 months now (was too scared to when pregnant). I'm also extremely emotional at the moment.

Fun I'm so sorry your BOvum is still in the process of finishing up! I can understand looking at the MC thread, but everyone's experience is so different, I hope you're not getting too worried about what what you've read? There is a part of me that thinks, as awful as it is, I could do it again if I had to. It's a concentrated period of pure awfulness and then it changes into other things. Hope you wobbly day yesterday has moved on?

Foof, I can't remember or find the story of why your OH don't come home when you MC'd, I don't mean for you to say, but I was sad to read that. I know what you mean about wanting him to go to the corner shop, etc., with you. After a week my partner actually tricked me into going int Sainsburys on my own, I was in my usual daze, it was hard to park, hesomehow got me to jump out at an intersection. I was baffled to find myself there, at a loss as to what to do (I had to get 4 things) and was trying not to cry. But it helped, I found that sudden absolue dependency really shocking and was anxious to get back some independence. And big sisterly (fist in the air emoticon) for telling your MW all that!!!

Everyone, here's to bfns to those that need them, and ovulating when OH's are around for those that are ready, and OH's that stand up and act right!

Ps, it's 5:19 - totally an ok time to pop open the wine !!!

wrigle - I said to him to go out for a while as he was climbing the walls, so he went to pub (cokes) to see if any friends were in to talk with. I unfortunately started to mc and asked him to come back (5 mins walk) and he took an hour almost and missed it

Trying desperately to not get hung up on it as there's nothing either of us can do to change it. Hard though.

Also asked MW about if I needed to be doing preg tests, she said not if you've had a rescan - just thought would throw that out there.

Should add that jiggy last night was without protection. Not sure if that's wise but tough now! Also although have pretty much stopped bleeding and only get a bit of streaky cm when i wipe now, um, OH was a bit sticky after sex and I had to quickly wipe it away beofre he got the boak, so be warned it can make it restart a bit!!

Foof. What does YNWAJFT mean?! And, that's gotta be hard for both of you, I'm so sorry, that's just really rough. He must feel crap about it too? It made me wonder what it would be like as a man to walk into a house where a woman is MCing. Fingers crossed re your ttc.

Anon I am very sad that I am unlikely to be pg any time soon too. I'm still gutted about the mc, but also grieving because it took so long to concieve dd2 and I don't want to go through that process again either. I hope it happens soon for you.

fun I'm sorry you're having a shit day. I feel lost and lonely too, but seem to have felt that way for so long now (it's only a week but feels much longer) I am starting to just learn to live with the feeling. I think I prefer the crying to feeling numb tbh.

chuckle I'm not feeling too bad about not being at work. I know I was ok at home today, but I didn't have to deal with anything else, stroppy teenagers are not easy to deal with even when I'm feeling ok and normal so I don't want to have to deal with them when I am so fragile. I think I might go back on Wed as that's an easier day. Enjoy your retail therapy. Btw chocolate always helps me too, which is why I'm the size I am and not a size 12 like my sister.

wrigle we did dtd, but dp seems to think withdrawal was enough contraception . He seems to have conveniently forgotten that that's how this pregnancy started, but I desperately want another baby so I'm not going to remind him of that. We did it again this afternoon, so I've had more sex this week than I have in the past 6 months. We only dtd once in 2 months when we fell pg, and then only dtd once while pg (that was the day before I started bleeding, and I needed to do it now in order to get past that)

foof It must be hard to know that your dp wasn't there when you needed him. My dp was there, but he was busy keeping the kids away for most of it. It did really help that he cleaned up the bathroom afterwards though, as it looked like a disaster scene (tmi but some of the clots didn't make it to the toilet bowl and I couldn't cope with cleaning them up). I've been feeling horny too, and I agree with your mw that it's because we're trying to connect and regain the intimacy we need.

You'll Never Walk Alone, Justice for the 96 Liverpool fans who died at Hillsborough.

Jodidi was it you who's dp didn't want the baby in the first place? He's being very unfair to not take any precautions if this is the case, what will happen if you get pregnant?

yay for the sechsing going on, well done ladeeze!

I am still shite, definietly in the lost/lonely camp. I just feel so bloody low. Work is expecting to me normal, my latest chapter was a bit shit and needs revising and instead of just taking that as that, and getting on with it I just hear 'you're crap' and can't face it. In fact, I am thinking of leaving altogether. Who needs a stupid PhD anyway? My sister is in hospital and being a fuckwit which always messes with my head (she goes into hosp a lot with a chronic anti-immune disorder but has become bizarrly institutionalised and addicted to the attention she gets from it. Insanely insane and complicated). I can't mother DS properly because I feel incredible fatigue for no reason and just need to sit, and sit and sit. So am just in everything-is-shitsville.

However, DH has taken time off work to take me to the cinema on Weds and for some crappy nom nom nandos lunch to be silly when DS is at the childminders - he is making sure I can't work. I love that.

So am trying to get better but know that none of the positive things are addressing the negative things.

wrigle am completely shitting myself about mc'ing. it is going to be the scariest thing of my life - scarier than labour. the clots, the bleeding the contraction pain. I can't deal with it at all. I don't want DH anywhere near me other than to pass me stuff if I need it. he can keep DS away (DS always comes to the loo with me!). I don't think he will be there tho. chuckle yay for retail therapy.

Woohoo lots of dtd going on on this thread at the mo have all you ladies had periods then since your miscarriages I mc'd about 2.5 weeks ago

Fun - I cannot believe you are still going through this. You are FULLY entitled to feel shite. And, unfortuantely you will for a while yet but it will get better eventually. Can you get an extension for your work? I bet you have done shed loads of work for it and it would be a shame for you to throw it all away. You do have extenuating circumstances! Good that your husband is being so supportive. It may not be as bad as you are thinking it will be. I think that is the worst thing about your situation - you have time to think about it beforehand. I had a few days of bleeding and it just "plopped out" when I went to the loo :(

Foo yes it was my dp that didn't want the baby in the first place. But he came round to the idea once it was happening, so he can do the same again if I get pregnant again. It is unlikely though (but not impossible, as we've just proved) as my pcos means I rarely ovulate, and I'm still breastfeeding dd2 which seems to be messing with my hormones even more than normal. If you factor in the residual pg and mc hormones I can't believe I stand any chance.

pink no I haven't had a period since my mc. I only mc last Sunday, but I need to get back to normal. I probably shouldn't be dtd just yet, and definitely shouldn't be ttc yet. Just because I know that in my head though doesn't mean I'm ready to process it emotionally.

fun you really are entitled to feel shit. It IS shit to be going through this. Don't panic about the actual mc though, it's not nice but physically it's not that bad.

thanks dudes. Dh is being completely lovely which means a lot and alleviates the loneliness :) Will push on with work, if DH can look after me a bit that leaves me a bit of energy to do that and not feel spent.

Yay for sexy time, I will be back on that horse as soon as I can (er, months away?!)

Phew for reassuring me I will be ok when I mc. Have been in total fear of the horror, the horror. it will be ok. thanks again x

Aww funny my love, don't throw in the towel, you would regret it. Take a few steps back, allow yourself this time to be quiet and restful and emotional and not put pressure on yourself, It's horrid, beyond awful we all know that and know how you feel and for you it's being needlessly (imo!) extended and you haven't got any control over it which I can imagine if it were me how I would be with that. I'm very jealous of your Nando's, I have to wait till end of may when we go down to see my DD and take her to the baby show at NEC bloody hell how will I cope? But I have to as it's my daughter and granddaughter to be

No I've not had my period, not even finished bleeding completely just couldn't wait