After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

hope you had a fabulous holiday boo. where d'you go again i forget but am jealous anyway

Uni have just emailed to ask if I want to be suspended until Sept instead of sending in sicknotes every 2 weeks and my sup has told me to stop thinking about work and get better. I burst into tears, i thought both emails were going to be bollockings! My work is so pressured and demanding, you aren't allowed to get ill or take time off and people really rely on you to produce the goods as their reputations, workload and budgets are affected too... so this is an amazing gift.

If it is a true offer I will take it with both hands and then I can work slowly in my own time and actually complete :) So happy and relieved :) i do want to finish before my holiday in September but the difference having it as a private goal, not an external pressure, will be tremendous.

jo how are you doing at school this week?

and foof hope you are ok x

Welcome back boo, hope you had a lovely time.

Great news on work wilde.

Back to work for me tomorrow and i just can't bear it. I am dreading going in. I don't know why. I just keep thinking if first Baba had gone to plan i would be winding down for mat leave now :(

Still....as its technically the last day of my hols i an going to have a small with my cheesecake when DD has gone to bed. What more could a girl want??!

wine and cheesecake nom nom. Good luck for work tomorrow, am sure it will be ok when you are there... says me on permanent skive mode

Hi girls.

Went to France. We had some rain but some sun too and it was amazingly straightforward with the DDs. My mum is still grieving my dad so there were a few emotional moments, (and a few arguments, to be expected!) but it was ok.

Anyway, glad to see the thread has been active!

Jo so sorry about the condoms so frustrating for you! It is just an impossible situation, is there any way you can sit him down and explain how you feel, and that this has partly come about because of your recent experiences with the surprise pg then mc? I really feel for you!

wild great news about work taking the pressure off you, that will do good for your physical and mental state no end!

chuckle Sorry you are stressing about work - hope it goes ok tomorrow, I know what you mean about thinking 'what if...'. It makes everything harder somehow. Anyway, I really hope your test comes right at the weekend. I am quite glad really not to be on the 2ww this month. I ov'd on Tuesday, I think, and we last dtd the wednesday before, so unless DH has super human swimmers it's very very unlikely! But I have accepted it, and I am just enjoying the anticipation of ttc next month, and the lack of stress! Totally sympathise! I know I will be a total ss nutter next month .

good luck with the job i/v foof!

I can't remember what else I wanted to say about the thread now... sorry as I'm sure I did want to comment... back soon.

wild that sounds great, being able to be off til September, or working at your own pace rather than being pressured anyway.

chuckle I'm sure when you're there it will be fine. When was your first baby due? Definitely have your cheesecake and wine.

Work has been rubbish this week thanks wild. I have my appraisal tomorrow morning and I am fully prepared to be told I haven't met any of my targets and I need to pull my socks up next year. It probably won't be that bad as my classes are doing fine, but their targets are so 'aspirational' that there isn't a hope of getting them all to meet them. I feel sick at even the thought of it, especially as the reason I haven't been on form for the second half of this year is the pregnancy and miscarriage :( (the first half of the year I was fine).

I went to the gym today, first time in weeks. I feel almost proud of myself, I did some cardio and some weights. I started my health kick again yesterday, so am eating healthily, exercising and taking my vitamins. I WILL persuade dp that we should have another baby, but I'm going to lull him into a false sense of security take my time about it. I'm going to get myself fit and healthy, then launch my attack. So I'm thinking maybe 5-6 months to lose the weight I need to lose and by that time a lot of the financial reasons why the time is not right would be lessened (ie dd2 will not need as much childcare paid for)

well done on the gym jo! And for the positive thinking and Baby Making Plan. Am sure your appraisal will be ok, and if not then you know why, try not to take it personally. if you ar a bit down though I know that is impossible...

oooh france boo. glad you had a good time. Are you and your mum close? LOL at super swimmers, I was dated as having conceived DS 6 days after ov... never believed that tho

I had a pos opk today! And DH jumped my bones last night surprisingly, he is so stressed with work atm I didn't think he would want to shag at all for ages, and as we aren't trying this month was just waiting in the wings. However, am now in with a chance which is super exciting. I am, however, being serence about it this month. No symptom spotting, no testing until AF doesn't arrive and anyway, is only a small chance as is one shag 36 hours before possible ov. Am happy though :)

YEP work is brill, the secretary has said she reckons it will be fine but just has to talk to a couple of peeps first. I know one of them will be fine about it and the other is just admin I hope. This means I will do a work plan this week and actually sit and do some next week. Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

Hope work ok today chuckle

My apraisal was much better than I expected. In fact there were very few negatives at all, things I expected him to think badly of he seemed to think were realistic and that I was to be admired for aiming so high. He did make me cry, but only because he was so nice and wrote in my appraisal about the very difficult year I have had and how he thinks I am wonderful for coming in and getting on with the job even though I have every reason to have been off.

I'm going to the gym this afternoon again. Positive thinking, healthy body, healthy mind . until I feel down again and give up

Yay wild for shagging at the right time, even if you don't think it will amount to much. I agree that you should stay relaxed about it though. Every time I have fallen pg I have been very relaxed about it and when I get stressed about temping etc I get really disappointed when I'm not.

How's work chuckle?

yay jo! well done, I knew it would be better than you thought :) and yay for gym! I have sat on my fat arse all day and really loved it when I should have been running and working or something. I did take my kitten to the vet for her vaccs and she is super well apparently and purred too loudly for him to listen to her heartbeat! hurrah.

and in me, me, me land, am trying not to be really excited about having dtd at a reasonably grand time for making a baby. I am very excited today and kind of letting myself be seeing as it is such a surprise, and with work taking the reins off me i feel kind of liberated and normal again :) This is very pleasing. Arranged counselling today so am taking charge. Back to drs tomorrow for hopefully last sicknote, then, despite being signed off from uni am actually back to work on Tuesday :)

onwards!

Lots of good news on here today - a lovely, straightforward holiday in France sounds great boo (and I cant manage an hour in a room with my mother without an arguement!!)

Well done on your evaluation jo - sounds like you have a very reasonable and considerate boss. And your health kick and tackling baby making in a few months sounds very sensible. (would it be possible for you to squirrel some money away between now and when you tackle him to show that you can manage / have a little bit to one side for a pram or something)

Glad you had a good day sitting on your bum wilde - even better to hear about a well timed shag! It only takes one....let the 2ww commence!!!!

I had a pretty good day despite dreading going in. Am uber tired tonight though........must be a sign

PS jo first baby would have been due very start of September, second was due 27th October. Should have been my last half term at school

Wild, great news about ovulating, I know what you mean about getting your body back to rutine, it's such a boost.

Chuckle, and the notion of what would have been happening had things gone well. I find it hard not to be aware of it. And instead of planning my leave and having conversations in the corridor about my due date I'm watching all these other lucky ones do it. I really want to be pregnant by my original due date otherwise I dread to think how it will feel.

Jodidi (Rocky music playing the background) Go Fight Win!!! I like your spirit. And great outcome at your appraisal!

Evening all. Nice to see some good news on here today. wilde and jo - great news on the work front, you must be so relieved. It is great when work are understanding, mine have been so great with me. Also yay for being on 2ww wilde.

Well done for going to the gym jo do you find exercise lifts your mood? I'm still sticking to my running and I think it's helping. It is certainly giving me more energy and exercise phobic DH is coming now too. He's even enjoying it!

Since coming back from my holiday I have been a bit down again and I blame AF. I've been obsessing about TTC all day especially as there was a birth announcement at work. I was reading up on B vitamins but my doctor told me I only need folic acid and lots of sex. I have decided that all the charting is just stressing me out too much as I was waking up in a panic every day to take my temp. I've given up now and decided to take docs advice. TTC will hopefully begin tomorrow which is day 8. Hoping for march baby :)

one I would also love to be pregnant by my due date. I'm dreading October if I'm not but I'm going to stay optimistic.

Hee, good timing with your comment, I finally had a look at fertility friend this evening and freaked out a bit at the charts! Part of me is interested and thinks how lucky we are to have so much information at our finger tips. But then I was reading that the temp has to be taken upon first wakening. And FF also narrowed the window and egg availability to possibly as little as 12 hours. I think that must be based on the fact that we might miss the begining of the surge with sticks ??? ... but I think I'll just poas (my idea of a great time!) maybe 2/3 times a day during days 10-15, and step away from the internet searches for a bit!!!

I found I would dream about taking my temp and then wake up earlier than I meant to realising I hadn't. This meant I didn't get the threesolid hours of sleep required!

I never get the proper 3 hours sleep required before waking up properly. I take my temp anyway, as long as I haven't been up and awake for long each time. Dd2 usually comes into bed with us and demands/helps herself to booby at some point between 4 and 6am, so either I should take temp when she comes through (crazy) or just take temp when we wake up properly (between 6 and 7am). I do it when we wake up properly, it still seems to detect ovulation. I'm temping now just to make sure I am ovulating and being 'normal' because for so long I didn't ovulate at all and I don't want any delay when i do finally trickpersuade dp to have another baby.

I'm also dreading October if I'm not pg by then, which I won't be, so October is likely to be rubbish. Also my due date was dd1's birthday so I can't even be down and mope all day because I'll have to be happy and excited for her birthday.

Hee yes I think the exercise is helping lift my mood. And I blame af for my down days this weekend. I don't normally suffer with my hormones but both af since the mc have seen me with days of uncontollable emotions starting a couple of days before af arrives. I hope this isn't a permanent change, I don't like it.

hee that is funny about dreaming about charting! I stay away from charting it seems to techy and I would obsess. Shagging, doing opk so I know when I can stop shagging (!) and that is it pour moi. Worked last time anywho.

I am ovulating today :) I am not thinking about how I might be pg by tonight AT ALL.

jo maybe it is nice that they share the day. In one way you will be sad and maybe have a cry in the loo, but on the other hand reasons to be joyful are slap bang in front of you... but you know, I know nothing. Nov 22 is my due date and am freaking dreading it. I know now that even if I am pg I will still dread it because it is that baby I will miss, my new baby won't replace them (which is a good thing).

Ok you have got me out of the door. Off for a 5k run. Drs later and I shall be very cheerful because everything is actually going a-ok for me now! I was in a really good mood yesterday so me and DH had a take away to celebrate my new happiness and starting to move on. hurrah to that.

ps I bought the 30 day shred dvd t'other day. eek. Am not one for home exercising but it seems to get results.

hee I can identify with feeling down after hols - I've been a bit miserable this week but also thinking maybe it's AF on the way. Also temping can get soooo stressy - I was waking up with a jolt to take it and then looking at the result and obsessing about what it meant... only this month (seeing as I am out of the running for conception) have I managed to be a bit more laid back. Anyway, good luck with ttc tomorrow etc!!

hello one we've not met properly! I thought your comments about dealing with depression (earlier in the thread) were really interesting. Sorry you're here but good luck getting pg!

glad your day wasn't too bad chuckle, that's tough about your missed dates...

jo glad appraisal went well - sounds like you should be proud of yourself! and good for you with the persuasion determination! oh and every gym visit helps...

wild yes am close to mum, was to both my parents. It's v hard seeing her so heartbroken without Dad, but I try and focus on how I was dead lucky to have had a good relationship with them both. Well done for dtd at possibly the right time! But of course you are not ss this month so lets not get excited.... So (changes subject) how is the Shred? I've read about it many times on here and been tempted but like you I rather get out to exercise.

Since I've been back I've barely seen DH which is also contributing to my bad mood. Honestly, being with mum last week (and actually having someone to talk to in the evening) made me realise how much of the working week I essentially parent/ spend alone! (work doesn't count some how) DH started a new job fairly recently so I know that's partly the reason but it's still a bit sh*t. Anyway, I managed to be super healthy (a benefit of being away from DH who likes his booze & treats) and got in lots of exercise so I should be am pleased about that.

Am quite jealous of those of you ttc or 2ww-ing. I wanna get back on the bus! I am actually hoping this is AF related misery and then I can get on with the next cycle...

also wild great to hear you being more positive!!

boo is lovely you are close to your mum. So sorry to hear about your Dad chuck.

lol I wrote an AIBU post over half term whining about how much my DH works. I spend a lot of time alone! hopefully when we move back to be with (his) friends and family he will be more motivated to put the laptop down every once in a while. At least i'll have other people to badger for company!

I am in the 2ww now :) I ov'ed yesterday morning as by late aft ewcm had gone and cervix was firm and low again. Bodies are amazing. So, hurrah, we dtd at a great time! So am either pg now or not (obvious but... woo). Although I do, obviously am not going to obsess about dpo etc and just think about 27 June which is when AF is due. In the meantime I am potty training DS as of today, getting my mental fitness back up to speed for work and life and am training for this 10k on the 9 July. went for a 5k run yesterday and it killed me! (up a MASSIVE hill though too?!) I like to think in terms of my baby coming to me, so when he/she is ready they will come along and all I can do in the meantime is, well, try and make them, and chill and be patient. no really, they'll be along when they are ready :)

haven't got shred dvd yet! am scared tho (and cynical, home dvd workouts never do it for me but 20 mins sounds grand for days when am with DS all day)!

next cycle is YOURS boo - sounds great you are getting all fit for baby making/nurturing :)

Morning!
Hello boo hope you are feeling cheery today and AF comes and goes soon. My holiday seems like ages ago already but I'm feeling quite cheery today.
wilde That is a lovely way of thinking about it - baby will come along when ready, chill in the meantime. I'm going to try very hard to think like that. Your couch to 5k suggestion is working wonders too. I'm up to week 4 now and still going strong.
Well, we DTD last night so thats the first of the every other day plan this month. Hoping I will ov a bit earlier this time. Will be buying B6 and evening primrose oil today to try. Have a great friday everyone!

Hi guys, nothing to report, just checking in. Hi Boo! I'm jealous of your holiday!

It's CD 7 here... time...is... passing.... sooooooooo... freakin..... slooooowllllyyy..

Just checking in also - CD32 now and no sign of AF but only had sex once this month and that was on CD7 so no bloody chance :/

Hope all you wimmins are fine :)