After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Hello Jo it is a horrible horrible situation to be in, but boy does MN help, how did women manage before it?

Thank you for your kind welcome, I am sure I will be here quite often to moan/commiserate/cheer on/congratulate. We can all only draw strength and support from each other.

x

Hello mrscupcake, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that, it's very very shit :(

Welcome to our lovely thread 9if there are any other lurkers around, dive in say hello, we have cake when wilde doesn't snaffle it all

I have jubilee mini rolls if anyone wants one. There's plenty to go around til I eat them all

Chuck em over, need a sugar fix! Might even post a pic on FB of them if they have Jubilee wrappers

They do indeed have Jubilee wrappers this is them. They are very nice.

yummy :)

Morning ladies. I haven't posted for a while as I've been mega busy. I'm currently on the 2ww which I'm more relaxed about than the last one. I've been to see the doc again who had a nice chat with me and encouraged me to give up the temping and opks as she thinks the stress from that wont help. I think I'm still going to use the opks though as I have quite a few left.

Also kept up the running - and I have got DH on board.

wild Sorry to read you've been feeling low. Glad you've seen a nice doctor.
Foof Welcome back!
mrscupcake Welcome and sorry you are going through it too.

Sorry to everyone I've missed, I haven't fully caught up yet

I now a lovely week off work and DH and I are going away for a few days of it, just what we need. It would be lovely to have a bbq but I'm sitting here looking at the dark sky so I'm thinking that won't be possible.

Have a lovely jubilee weekend everyone! :)

Hello cupcke, sorry to hear what you have been through, I love your name!

Hope the long weekend is starting well for all. DH went off for the weekend last night, back late Sunday (drunk probably) and I think I will ov Monday if my spreadsheets are correct!! We managed to get a quicky in yesterdayt before he went and hopefully he won't be too tired Monday after a boozy weekend so while its not ideal this month may not be a complete write off.

Well done on the running hee, I am still reading the couch to 5k plan. Maybe one day I will actually get off myever increasing bum and do it!

Stupid phone (definitely phone that's stupid, not me!!) I love your name cupcake, I just can't spell it!

hey all! welcome mrscupcake! so sorry to hear about your experiences :( Have some, er, cake. Glad to hear you have come through them though, as in you can function... and thanks for your support :) I hope you get your BFP super quick!

glad you got some dtd in chuckle! and yay for the 2ww hee and particularly the running! yay! have a lovely time away, am well envious but can't leave mah wee kitten yet so... staying put and potty training DS instead...

how are you doing jo? Didn't you start counselling this week, I hope it was ok.

foo did you have that CAB interview in the end? And did you go to the baby show yet? How is your daughter doing?

thomas was cool today :) really nice family day out, would heartily recommend. In pjs already, need DS to go to sleep as he is shattered and being a right handful! (and so am I!)

Hello to all of you and footfighter thank you for starting this thread. yes, well... I won't go much into detail... but it feels a bit Dantesc to have been moving threads... and at the same time feeling like in a limbo. Me too, wish we all would have to never have been writing in this thread, but anyways. Got my BFP about the 22nd of MAy, and yesterday evening I was told I was going to miscarry in the next hours...so I cried, and then got dressed up and went to gym, swimming pool and got a nice dinner and wine!... today shopping. All is good,..just sad at times and the street is full of babies or moms pregnant! anyways! wanted to ask if I can join, I have been a freaky of the ovulation strips (as my nickname says) and spent a Manolo Blahnik fortune in pregnancy test (all positives!...) I am trying to be positive, although it is my second one in less than a year... anyways, I am 37... and got the feeling that progesterone levels might not be to right or that it is perhaps my right ovary that doe snot really works too well... I found this link today, in case it can be of interest to any one:
www.nativeremedies.com/ailment/increase-low-progesterone-levels.html

I will go get a glass of wine (or Cointreau, pain will start kicking in soon!) and come back, hoping that I can join....

Big hello and hugs to all of us that we so much deserve it! and wish we all soon be in a baby thread!

Happppppy Jubilee!

Evening wide :) I've been to thomas days with my two when little, loooong time ago now though! I got all squeeeeeee!

That baby show, no I never went in the end, money mainly although had cancelled going a few weeks before as felt i couldn't cope, in the event I think I'd have been ok, but money prevented me from making the trip down anyway so couldn't change my mind last min she's ok, she had a kidney infection recently which knocked her a bit, now she's just feeling the heat and feeling fat, to me she just looks gorgeous though :) she's 28 weeks now and took delivery of her pram so she's been mainly playing about with that lol

CAB I should have had the interview for that last week I popped in to confirm time (as admittedly had forgotten which day!) and they've already started the course 3 weeks ago!! am not impressed they forgot about me! booked in on the next in Oct but really not happy with it.
I have a job interview at mcdonalds some really posh restaurant next week so fingers firmly uncrossed please girls :)

I fancy some cake.

x posts :) hello!

stupid PC>

Hello LH :) so sorry about your news, do you want to talk about it? {{hugs}}

It's very shitty isn't it all this

*wiLde

oh! yes foofFighter i want to, but can't yet allow myself to cross the line to start moaning, seems unappropiate with all this jubille situation... and pluc I got today into the theory that I need to be positive. But that is a lie! I do actually feel gutted! I wondered if I had never gone to the GP yesterday complaining about the lower abdominal stingy pain and back pain,... if perhaps nothing of all these had happened! dunno! maybe I brought bad luck to it .. I know, I should not be, and I AM NOT this silly... but anyways. Age issue is kicking in, hubby (fiance, we have not married yet... engaged for 3-4 years now.. :) ) hubby is down with a flue/cold and I am not feeling him supportive at all, ...I just want to take a plane somewhere far. Is it this normal to feel this miserable...?
ahahah!wait one second! I was saying, no... not really, thanks! but perhaps,.. can I ask to be allowed to just "moan" when I just feel I need to? and that you can listen to me.. or just read me.... ?
less than 24 hours since the news and it seems the end of the world.

yes, I guess I need/ed to talk...

many thanks!

WILDE foof (though note you noticed this :)) I thought your CAB interview was early may, did they move it then start the course?! another interview though hurrah! is it really maccy dees? i would get veer fat if I worked there. I was very excited to meet thomas! Real Thomas! :) peep peep! Glad you didn't have to go to baby show, that would have been hard. sorry to hear your daughter under the weather - but 28 weeks! yay!

Hello lh are you ok? Don't think you need to be positive, this is not the time or the place ;0) Give in, cry and be pissed off and moan and moan, we understand! Yes it is normal to feel that miserable. And my world collapsed and still does at moments though it does get easier. Do you work? Will you be able to take time off ok? Am so sorry for you having to go through this :(

enduring watching the voice atm. has anyone heard Ed sheeran's song 'little bump'? is about a mc :( really, bloody, sad. Just on the tele! no warning! blub.

LH Welcome, although this is a shitty way to meet people. Now is really not the time to be strong or positive. Miscarriage is one of the few times in your life that you should be able to just stop and cry and moan about the shittiness of the world. It is absolutely normal to be this miserable, I am still miserable 8 weeks later, but I believe that most people start to feel better around 6 weeks after mc. Come and moan to us. We understand what you're going through where most people irl haven't been through it recently, if they've been through it at all.

foof I'm glad you didn't go to the baby show. I think it would have been a really really hard day for you. I have everything crossed that your McDonalds interview goes the way you want it to.

Wilde where did you see Thomas? I think dd2 would enjoy it but I'm not willing to travel too far really.

I've been over to my parents today and my sister was up with her kids too. It was quite a nice day other than dd2 being really shy and refusing to leave my lap, then my sis and parents were snapping at each other as she's been there since Wed and they are rubbing each other up the wrong way, dd2 refused to have a nap. AND while I was pg I had asked my Aunt for some of my baby equipment back that I'd lent her for her ds2 (now aged 1) so my parents were supposed to collect it all next time they were down (she lives a 7 hr drive from us) which they did a couple of weeks ago and my dad decided to try and give it to me today. Who does he think I need it for? The baby that died, or the babies I won't be having in the future because dp doesn't want any more? I can't believe he thought I would actually want baby equipment a couple of months after a mc. I just said I don't want it and walked away, then cried all the way home :(

LH have you had a scan and all of that to confirm or is this just what your GP said?

Oh jo that's bloody awful they are really missing their sensitivity chip!

Only my dad foof. My mum and sister were both trying to catch his eye behind me to tell him to shut up.

How are you today lh? I hope you are ok.

oooooh, jo. Oh dear. a) men; b) dads; c) anyone who hasn't had/been around the fallout from an mc are pretty useless at getting this :( One of my dearest friends (just had a baby) last weekend said how are you? I said I was ok thanks, and she said 'oh good. you're over it now then...' And i was like, yes, yes. ... Over it?! i didn't have the fucking FLU! my BABY DIED. but you know, they don't get it at all. Before my mc and certainly my pregnancy I thought an mc was really just a heavy period and didn't think it would ever be a big deal... ho hum.

my DS is having a nap thank GOD. he is really testing me today, am short tempered anyway as am just so selfishly into myself at the mo (just want to read in bed/stare at the tv all day. can't even cook! am shit) but he is also probably picking up on this and being very challenging! ARG! thank god for nap, am off to read the paper and sulk :)

That's the thing though, they HAVE been through this, 36 years ago. The difference is that it was their first pg, it was very early (about 6 weeks I think), and they went on to concieve my brother 2 months later because they both wanted it and had no fertility problems. And it's been 36 years, so he's forgotten what it feels like, if he ever knew how hard it was in the first place, I know my dp wouldn't be sensitive in 30 years time as I'm hiding quite how shit I feel all the time.

I've just had a text from my sister telling me that my mum thinks I am pg again because I didn't eat anything at their house yesterday. I didn't eat because a) it was a 'party tea' for my 6yo niece and consisted of sausage rolls, sausages, etc and wasn't very healthy, and b) they hadn't got enough for everyone so I let the kids eat as much as they wanted and I waited til I got home. They know dp wasn't happy about the last pg, why do they think he would suddenly change his mind and be over the moon at trying again so quick?

wilde my dd is being really trying atm too. She's incredibly clingy with me, daddy used to be her favourite but over the past few weeks it's been me that she can't leave alone for a minute. She's refusing to nap too, so it's ALL BLOODY DAY that she's after me playing with her, reading to her, feeding her, etc. It's getting very wearing, all I want to do is read or watch tv too.

wellll... just to try to understand your parents maybe dealing with a mc 36 years ago was very different? Not really talked about, just get on with it - i know drs didn't understand that mothers needed to grieve and routine clinical advice was to have another baby asap... BUT that is me knowing nothing. Your ma might think you are doing the same while your dad is being all stiff (and embarrassed?! or are you all quite touchy feely? my family is NOT!)

Anyway, I don't know just don't want you to feel so bad about it :)

DS always plays up when I am stressy! It takes all my power to be calm and lovely with him but I know I am the cause :( he has only just taken up napping again, I had forgotton what it was like! It is lovely! Soft play is the answer tomorrow, I the cat can't spend another day in with him!

No we're not touchy feely AT ALL! The week after the mc they were over every day but that was to help look after the kids. My mum asked how I was feeling but I don't talk to anyone her about things like that (ie my feelings about anything). Since then nothing has been mentioned so they have literally no idea how I'm coping with anything. I'm not really feeling bad about it now, I was just shocked that they would expect me to be pg again straight away when they know how dp had felt about the last pg.

I think it is like any bereavement and initially people ask how you are then the second/third time they see you probably just me they completely act like nothing happened. I hate it actually and it makes me feel lonely and like I should be over it. I am over it in a lot of ways but do really wish people i love could understand that for me, in a way, it will never be over, and ask me or say if I need to talk... I wouldn't talk but just to know they see it as open-ended grief too. I loved that baby; I will always love that baby.

I guess they just aren't thinking very hard about your relationship with DP. You got preggo before, why not again?! (not me thinking that btw!) Sometimes people can be a bit black and white? Bugs me, though I wouldn't talk about it with my mum for a second! Hope you can sort something out with your dp, must be really hard for you. here have some :)

I am holding out for apprentice final. hurrah! please go to sleep promptly DS, pretty please with a cherry on the top!