After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

it will go away. don't listen to me, am a whiny twonk! All fine, fine.

Don't really want anyone to win the apprentice this year! They all seem below par? hows about youse? sunburn?! tsk.

wilde - good for you for heading to the Dr then. I hope that you have a good gp? I was on the verge of being prescribed meds when I went back to work as maternity cover the irony 6mths after DS1 was born and got majorly shafted with the shitiest classes in the entire school. I managed to get myself signed off sick for 2 weeks, and didn't go back. I guess I was just lucky. A number of my and DH's reles have depression for all sorts of reasons; it is horrid when it grabs them and they are really low. I do so hope that you don't get that far this time.

If I were you I'd go for trying again immediately. When you are successful, you will be able to focus on your phd work as a way of coping with the MS!!

ooh that's interesting icey, maybe it was?

I have abundant CM so hoping to jump on OH later, wish me luck! He's been tired and stressed at work so not really interested for the past week, I may have to catch him unawares hides wilde's mace behind her back

Wilde going to the docs = def right thing to do x

Ooohh....mace, any left for me for when DH returns from his booze fest all hungover?! Think I'll be needing something to get him going!!

Doc sounds like the right move wilde, and agree, they are a right crock of the proverbial on the apprentice this year, I'm just pleased Steve went last week with his funny goggly eyes and smug mouth!!

Happy hunting foof!!

I'm not sure mace is the best way to get anyone in the mood . I know I wouldn't be feeling particularly sexy if my eyes were burning out of their sockets. I would have thought alcohol would work better (or crush some viagra into his dinner )

Wild I agree with everyone else that going to the dr is the right thing to do. Treating the problem before it gets too bad seems a good idea to me.

Good luck with jumping on dp Foof. It's really difficult when they aren't interested at the right time isn't it. I think I persuaded dp at the right time as we dtd on Sat and FF seems to think I ov'd on Sun.

Didn't get one grrrrr

lol it was DH who was going to get the mace to stop me raping him conceiving a darling baby in a sweet loving union :)

Spoke to Dh last night over a glass of about the possibility of getting back on the baby making horse and he was very surprised but understood my arguments and is spending a couple of days getting his head round it (which basically means yep, but he has to sort of get into the idea we could be pg in a month instead of ages away). Am very excited. I said that it will always be a scary thing to do again, that there will never be a 'right' time and that I am not getting any younger and it could take months and months... And I said I would rather be distracted planning our baby making routine (!) than being low and mardy and introspective and missing my old pregnancy. Onwards and upwards.

Feel a million times better today. Thanks for being understanding ladies, I really appreciate it. Am feeling like not going to the drs now, would be wasting her time. but then tomorrow I could feel dreadful again. Ah shizer.

yaya jo for dtd at a brilliant time :) 2ww for you then!

ps just scoffed a whole load of your DS's beeday cake ice, thank 'ee! I hope you don't need to make a new one, it was delish :)

Happy birthday to DS1! how old and what do you have planned?! Are your childers on half term now?

went to docs. am officially depressed! Have more time off uni and she was just so lovely and understanding - totally the opposite to the last dr I saw! very relieved :) Said my mc was awful because it dragged on so long and to be so sad about it afterwards was really normal, which was great to hear as feel like such a loser am not over it yet. Was offered meds but declined as hope to get better with some counselling and simply time.

Hope you had nice days ladies.

Bad luck foof, try again tonight??!

I think the threat of a good macing could work wonders on my DH.....get drunk at your peril dear!

Glad you are feeling better wilde, and good to hear your GP was nice and understanding. I know what you mean about being distracted by planning your baby making routine, I spend literally hours looking at my spread sheet (and changing colour schemes and fonts) and I know there isn't a direct correlation between hours on excel and speed of conception but it makes me happy!

hope your DS had good b'day ice

one more get up for me then a week off for me....bring on the half term!!

{{hugs}} Wilde - now that you're all offical like have some more of that bday cake! You are deffo not a loser, I can't imagine havign to go through what you did it went on for like ever... a good GP is like gold dust (unfortunately)

CM yep I'm on the case, had a shower, done my hair (got it cut at the college and it's all zizzy and sexy now) and even shaved my legs - how can any man resist me?! He wants to go for a wandery walk tonight after his work so I'll have to work him up into a sexual frenzy by sexy talking at him in inappropriate places whilst out

Hey girls just a quickie to say g'bye - am off on hols for half term without DH but with kids so hope it won't be too stressful!

Foof - hope ya got lucky!!

Wild - great news at docs, hope diagnosis & acceptance helps. You have been thru hell so feel very justified!

Good luck chuckle with 2ww, and everyone else - look forward to catching up when I get back. One thing is for sure, with no DH, no Internet, I'll have a very obsessing -free week! (good or bad? Not sure!)
Xx

nope

getting a bit peed off now. that'll be this months chance gone reckon. And it's him who is pushing the TTC agenda not me. "sorry i'm tired".

Have a fab holiday boo hopefully some of the others might have good news for you to come back to :)

wild I hope you feel better for having seen a sympathetic doctor. You are definitely not a loser for not being over it yet, or if you are then so am I and I don't think I'm a loser. I think it takes a long time to get over something like this, especially as yours went on so long and you had so much limbo.

foof that sucks. Do you think he might be having second thoughts or does he just not understand that if you want to ttc you have to have sex at the right time? I don't think men in general have that much of an idea how female cycles work, my dp definitely doesn't (which I'm glad of atm cos he doesn't realise I'm 'horny' at the right time for ttc)

boo hope you have a good holiday. Relaxing sounds good, but you may not get much time for relaxation if you've got the kids with you. Have fun.

I did point out to him that while we aren't being all serious about it that we do actually need to shag at a certain time in the month to stand a chance! no he's not changed his mind I don't think, just not appreciating that with my age (39 v soon!) and history of secondary infertility (despite falling pg on the pill with Widget!) that we do need to kind of plan a bit and try a bit.

Anyone got plans for the "long" weekend? Not a long weekend for us as he'll be at work as normal :( he's got a stag do tomorrow so if I catch him right we might just sneak in for this month!

Feeling crap though, nausea a gogo today, supposed to be starting college at 2pm and slept about 3 hours. Mainlining coffee now!

might be too late but have a great holiday boo!

aw foof no, no sex will not a baby make. :( I was so so angry last time we were ttc when Dh came home pissed from the pub instead of being home to dtd so we missed it that month (more because of my anger than his pissedness!) and another time we had sex-fail because of the pressure and Dh was so so so tired. Was so frustrated. Ttc is so very difficult when you both not on board totally, and really, it has to be all or nothing doesn't it? Because we are looking at charts, studying mucus and cervixes and optimum timings and know we have 24 hours when that egg is viable for fertilisation... DH freaks out if I try to tell him this! So we had a great arrangement when we made baby no. 2 were he knew he had to put out at certain times and, if he wanted to make a baby, he had to perform, end of :) It took a few months of failing for him to get that message though. I wonder if it take as long this time.

Ah jubilee. Am not a flag waving type personally... We are seeing thomas the tank engine tomorrow with DS! And having a cream tea to celebrate our unwedding day :) (we were going to have cream teas on our wedding breakfast menu). Sunday is a bbq (just us, no one else of course, seeing as am all anxious!) though maybe grill now :) Then just hanging - swimming and chilling and reading the paper for a week methinks. Dh is off all week which is amazing.

thanks for support re: depression. Fell asleep properly last night for the first time in months. Feel like my dr is my surrogate mother :) She was so lovely and caring and I know she won't make me do anything (ie do my phD) before I am ready. hurrah. It is giving me space to breathe and stop panicking. She also counselled me a bit and it turned out I have panic attacks in shops etc because i feel like such a freak from carrying around my dead baby for so long. In that time i really felt like people must be able to smell death in me when i was out and about and still feel like a freak. Very sad stuff I didn't even realise.

Mammoth post! off now, spending rainy day inside baking a cake. that has to be soothing surely? with a toddler?! and a nervy but curious kitten?!! eek. AF finished, sex week starts sunday hurrah!

Just check the cake tin for errant kitties before you throw it in the oven!

really glad you slept last night, it makes a heck of a lot of difference to how one feels -I didn't and feel liek crap--

Morning lovely ladies,

I too am off this afternoon to join the masses on the M4/M5. If you see me, wave! I'll be the one with the DH asleep snoring in the passenger seat, and 3 hyper DS in the back.

I woke up this morning feeling sick. Have never been so glad to feel sick before, as to me it means things are heading in the right direction.

Hope you all have a good week - and get some fun and relaxing times and plenty of dtd Looking forward to catching up next weekend.

Can hear DS3 singing along to the CBeebies spring time song. Is that a sign of too much TV - or an early talent at singing showing itself?!

have fun ice! 3 kids in the back... and another in the oven?! wooo busy lady! sickness YAY

hope you sleep tonight foof sleep is good indeed! but I feel really, really tired today! think now I know i have permission to just stop and relax I have just, er, stopped! is a good thing and great timing with DH being off. phew.

I bet it's a weight off your mind wilde :)

have a good hols kate too :)

Hi, can I join? I have been lurking for a few days (and read most of the thread to get to know you all), here is a brief history:

42 (gulp), 1st preg 2006, ended at 14 weeks due to severe chromosomal abnormalities plus heart defect, I was 36 at the time and 2 weeks off of uni finals (mature student), utterly utterly heartbreaking, Ds conceived 3 months later, born April 07 (yay), mmc at 11+3 June 2011 followed by ERPC (whilst away on holiday) which was 12 weeks after my dad died, fell apart completely, BFP 24th March, early scan at EPU at 7 weeks - empty sac measuring 6 weeks, went back 10 days later for second scan, no change, ERPC on Wed (30th May), now not sure what I am feeling (bit worried about that) but want to ttc asap.

First glass of tonight since BFP (actually on 3rd to give me courage to join thread).

This preg just gone was to be our last attempt, but both Dh and I have agreed we will try again.

You ladies have given me strength and hope already, so thankyou for that

I feel as though I know you all already from reading the thread, but aware (obviously) that you don't know me!

Wilde I so get where you are with the panic attacks etc, they will pass and yes another pg may be what you need - go with your heart, it will always take you where you need to go.

Anyways, that's me, hope to get to know you all properly soon

x

P.S. Am not a teacher, am SAHM but have been applying for jobs in the hope that it will induce a pg that sticks! x

Hello mrscupcake. It's nice to meet you, but I wish we didn't have reason to. I'm so sorry you've had so much loss in the past few years, it sounds completely heartbreaking. Feel free to come on here and have a moan about it all. It is a horrible horrible situation to be in.