After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

yaya cake that is the best news! hurray hurray! congratulations lovely. Do you think you'll relax a bit now? (hope so)

yay! x

Great news!! Well done you and how exciting to see mini-cake on screen.

Thinking how I might be able to arrange an early scan now...

Brilliant news cake! I'm so pleased for you.

Thank you all. I will relax, promise, it's only 4 weeks until 12 week scan and a toddler to keep me busy in the meantime!!

ice I just saw my GP and she referred me, I didnt need to ask but I would have done!

Get on the phone tomorrow ice!! I would if I were you, they can only say no.

oops, I didn't mean relax for me, as if you were annoying! I meant, will you be able to relax, or will you still worry? Do you feel better now or still a bit skeptical?

Just picking your brains for how it might be when I (hopefully) get preggo!

:)

I think I'll still be cautious until 12 week scan. That's the more 'safe' time regarding miscarriages isn't it? It really doesn't feel real. I will at least no longer have that 'what if' in the back of my head and I am well past my miscarriage stage so all promising so far. I think the only true reassurance will be when I feel kicks etc.
You will get pg Wilde. Have faith.

cake as far as I know the risks go right down once you have seen a heartbeat. Obviously there are no guarantees but the chance of miscarriage goes down from about 15% to about 3% once you've seen a heartbeat on a scan. Then by 12 weeks you are down to a 1% risk.

chuckle - my sympathies about DH being away. It's so annoying isn't it?! I have been collecting lots of vit D too. Which is nice as I get lots of darker marks if I sunbathe when preg, so at least there's another advantage along with the wine consumption...

wild really sorry to hear about your anxiety. I hope you get a sympathetic doctor who can help you with something. Some practices have people specially qualified in these areas? It's good that you are aware of it and therefore can do something to sort it. I know what you mean about turning back time, but you've got to focus on the person you are now - essentially the same, but stronger for this experience. I know that's easy to say, and harder to believe. Hope you have a nice break next week with DH off. Be kind to yourself.

good to hear from you daisy I have been a bit less active on here partly because I know I'm out this month and I don't want to obsess needlessly!!

jo thanks for the optimism, I am away for 10 days so I can't see how it could work. BUT I might try and jump on DH the night before I go, although I think he's out that night so it's not looking likely... I remember reading that about orgasm making you ovulate too... hmmm, I wonder if it's true?!! Hope the counselling goes well next week. I think your situation has been really tough, so I hope that it helps a bit. Are you still working on DH about trying again or is it no use?

Cake am totally thrilled for you - well done that you managed to wait so long and what great news! Hurrah! I hope you manage to enjoy being pg now though it would be very nice if you keep us updated every now and then! Wow 4 weeks til 12 week scan - you are racing through! At this point, every week you go on makes the pg more viable, I can't remember exactly but the viability likelihood goes up hugely at 8 weeks. And like jo says, seeing the heartbeat is fantastic! THERE IS HOPE FOR US ALL GIRLS!!

Quick question - I've been temping a little bit and seem to be a few degrees higher than usual. Is this because of the hot weather? Does anyone else temp? I have also had sore throat so maybe it's that. FF doesn't seem to believe me and hasn't put the temps in as solid circles...!

Question - halfway through cycle on CD16 - yesterday had awful nasty pulling stretchy pains lower right hand side right by uterus too low to be appendix, my 30/500mg x2 cocodamol wasn't touching it, went on for about 10 hrs. Nothing this morning but as day wearing on it's getting sore again although not the level of yesterday.
What could it be?
Infection from leftover "product"?
Ovulation going haywire?
Ectopic maybe? (BFN, had AF since mc, no bleeding or shoulder pain)

oh foof I don't know what that could be but it sounds odd. Maybe keep an eye on it tonight and if it still hurts so badly tomorrow go to the drs? Surely not ov if it is that painful?! I get ov pains but they are just AF type pains, nothing pully or tuggy or nasty... Do you feel unwell? does it hurt if you push down in the area? If yes to either then defo go to the drs. Poor you! hope it all goes away soon and is just one of those things

thanks boo I am ok. I know signs because I have had depression in the past but not panickyness, but know something is up.

Managed to do a bit of work today. Amazeballs. Also have completely changed my mind and decided actually getting pg again asap would be brilliant and amazing and think I could cope with it. it would not be the mc baby but a whole new one, a whole new life and opportunity that may NOT go wrong. Will have to talk to DH, he would need some talking round cause he thinks am too stressed to cope with ttc. he may be right... -he's not--

Sun is supposed to go tomorrow! bah, I have been enjoying it!

My kitten purred for the first time earlier when being attacked by playing with DS. was so loud I thought it was a helicopter outside! I know nothing about cats, I really only thought they purred when sitting still. Was lush anyway, she is so incredibly shy and scared so anything like that is a real joy :)

No it doesn't hurt if I press and don't feel unwell, am a bit tired but that could be as I was up late last night with it, have had three naps today though totally about 5 hours in all

bugger i am away to look up ectopic symptoms again

Hi all
foof hope you are ok. Maybe get it checked out at the docs. I have to say since ttc I have noticed all sorts of aches and pains that I think I would have otherwise ignored, but if the pain is nasty that doesn't sound right so maybe you should go to the docs in case. Don't google!!! Also, glad you have reverted to your proper (IMO) name!

Hurrah for ttc soon wild I think that is a positive step. It would be a whole new baby. I had dream last night that my sil (who is not even trying or wants to get pg at mo) announced she was pg and I was miserable. It was so real, very odd really. I can't remember what happened after that. Anyway, yay for purring!

Hope everyone enjoys the sunshine especially if it is on the way out!

Have you got an appt at the drs foof (am glad you are back to your proper name too!)? If it still hurts I think you ought to go?

boo do you think ttc would be a good idea? I really do; instinctively I do and feel if I got pg again I could be happy - or worried but in a productive way . However, I am pretty low and not coping very well. would getting pg be a magic pill, or would i be a crap mum because I got pg feeling low? hmmph think should just get pg and see how it goes and not ovethink it too much

sunny here today again! hurray!

I was meant to be having my big wedding on saturday! feel a bit sad about it in a way but am delighted we eloped and avoided the politics and general awfulness it was turning into! family eh?!!

wild it's hard to say for sure, but I think that when pg lots of hormones and mothering instincts kick in to protect your baby (and you!), and also you have 9 months to prepare (mentally as well as physically!) for new baby. It could well be what you need. But, if you are going to docs perhaps discuss it with them. It might be that you are suffering a hormonal inbalance at the mo that could be sorted by medication, or naturally with pg hormones? I don't know much about it, so sorry if I am sounding very like a cod doctor! (if there is such a phrase).

When did you elope? Congratulations! You can always have a big anniversary party if you do feel you missed something.

Yes sunny here too - it's so uplifting.

thanks for your advice boo. You are a grand cod dr! Most wise.

I love pg hormones, they make me all happy. If they think I have a hormonal imbalance they'll probably try to get me back on the pill :( I think they'll just shoo me away with suggestions to go on the pill and stop skiving! I would love it if they could actually help me in some way but who knows, is my mess at the end of the day.

Eloped in Sept last year :) was brilliant fun. big wedding was a nightmare, venue playing up, family playing up and Dh and I aren't big party people (er, hosting parties makes me very scared! am such a scaredy cat!), we just like to celebrate stuff quietly so was the right thing for us (plus we already had DS so his birth was the best day of our lives!) we just wanted to be married rather than have a wedding iyswim. We got wed in the morning then jumped on a plane to greece :)

raining now! eek, must grab all the toys from the garden!

All is fine today?

I think it must have been a particularly painful ov, that's all I can think of, wasn't consitpated or trapped wind or anything either, forgot to add that yesterday.

Oh well.

Eloping sounds fun :) not that I will get married again!!

wild I think eloping would be the way we would go if we decided to get married. We aren't really thinking of it anyway as we're perfectly happy as we are apart from a couple of weeks at the end of Fed when I thought we were about to split up (well, I'm not happy but it's nothing to do with the relationship) My sister had the whole big wedding and it was a nightmare from start to finish, then 2 years later they split up anyway. I would like to be married but would HATE a wedding.

I think you should get pg. Pg hormones make me happy too. Even though my last pg was very stressful because dp didn't want it I was still happy and excited about it. You should be aware that it doesn't work that way with everyone though, my friend was depressed when she unexpectedly fell pg and it made her depression worse for a while. I think if it's planned and wanted then it will probably help. I think it would help me.

Evening all!

Hello foof, nice to see you!! Glad your pain has gone, sounds nasty. My cycles have been a real mess since mc and everything seems to be 'unusual' from length to cramps to my spotty chin. Maybe things are still settling down. Hope you've been ok today anyway!

I always wanted to elope to get married but through circumstance i ended up having a fairly traditional (albeit smallish) white wedding which i actually ended up really enjoying. Easy to ser how they balloon out of control and get stressful.

I agree that ttc is probably a good thing wilde, i have been pretty miserable lately and the way i ser it is i am sad because i am not pregnant so if i get pregnant i will feel better (i know feeling miserable and being depressed are not the same thing, but if you think you would like to ttc then i think you should go for it!)

No sunshine here today and thunderclouds overhead :( hurray for apprentice night and my midweek though!!

hurrah I shall get preggo then! I just can't imagine ever being pregnant again. Like i had my chance and it went. need to start thinking more proactively (and positively).

hoping am just miserable and not depressed! Dr will send me home telling me to cheer up and go get a hobby am sure :) i have been trying to work which is good.

glad pain has gone foof!

chuckle glad you had a lovely wedding :) looking forward to apprentice too and would LOVE a glass of wine! fed up of being so bloody uptight!

I feel the same wilde...

am on a mission tonight foof to start visualising getting pregnant again, thinking about how it will be baby number three (am so used to thinking of number two, my mc baby) and actually being pregnant. I want to get more positive about it and believe i can do it. Why not? Why not me?

I also need to talk to DH about what he wants to do and if he is interested in baby sex (eod sex rather than whenever sex)... Or the mace will definitely be out!

making a baby is so tricksy these days!

... (mace notwithstanding)

Evening ladies,

foof - am wondering if you had the bug that's been going round here? it is like an appendix pain, but isn't - it's some sort of tummy bug. A friend's ds was taken to hospital over the w/e with it - they thought it was appendix and it wasn't. Cleared up of it's own accord after 48 hrs. Lots of others have been phoning NHS direct apparently with the same symptoms - made the local paper here! Anyway, glad you're feeling better today.

I agree with the others, Wilde, if you think that you are ready for another go for it. Just be prepared that it isn't the same - as you said elsewhere, that innocence has gone. As boo says I've been noticing all sorts of pulls, pains, you name it, this time round - ttc and since discovering pg. It's not for the faint hearted I've decided, and I simply don't know how people who try and try and try and have mc after mc cope. They must be stronger people than me coz I couldn't do it.

I think there is a fine line between depression and feeling miserable. A friend who suffers from depression told me that she could shake herself out of misery with something/one positive, but depression was like a hand wrapping itself around her so she couldn't escape. I guess that if you've had a period of depression before then you can maybe tell where you are at?

To make you jealous - we've had sunshine all day, til now as it's just clouded over. I got sunburnt this morning! Will be my own little radiator tonight with my lobster shoulders.... Enjoy the apprentice - who do you want to win?!

i can't shake myself out of it ice :( Am wracking my brains to think my way out of it but can't... there is no positivity in me and feel very isolated which normally heralds a depressive episode. They tend to last 3-6 months and I used to just hide/drink/get an eating disorder to get through them (I know, i know) but I have DS now so need to face it, hence to the drs i go. Growing up... never had panic attacks before though but I suppose I am trying to work through it when normally I just stay in. is shite. hopefully it will go away :)