After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

chuckle thanks for your help. Am reet scared of my period! Am away this weekend so not ideal, I think AF will come on sat/sun... AM really scared of it, I think it is because of waiting to mc for all those weeks. I don't think about it rationally but like it is another mc, probably because it could come at any time and in any form of horribleness :(

Am on knicker watch but all AF symptoms have stopped today.

will definitely stick around till am calmer after period if ok. Didn't realise would feel like am in limbo waiting for it but know you guys understand the emotional rollercoaster this month is. Just want it to come now!

5% wine! hurrah!

cake You are far more likely to have a good scan than a bad one, so try really hard to think positively. I know it's easier said than done though. I'm glad your boss is understanding.

wild you can stick around as long as you like even if you aren't ttc. I'm not ttc either (well not much anyway) and feel a bit odd being here but I don't feel ready to leave yet either if that makes sense. My first af felt as if it took ages to arrive even though it was only just over 4 weeks after the mc. I felt as if it was due for a week, so much so that I was wearing pads for a few days before it. It wasn't bad once it started though, it was a little heavier than normal but not massively so. I'm sure you will be fine.

hey ladies! as predicted i have my AF today!

Went to the loo with my last stick just to check am not pg before heading off for a all day drinking bbq-eurovision extravaganza and whoop, there she was. Most pleased and so is DH - we are all normal and well and 'clean'. Is that weird to feel I am being cleansed after the mc?

Means I ov'ed earlier than I thought, on Sunday, which is the day (night) we dtd, so we would have missed the eggy. This is great news too as it means we were never in with much of a shot to get pg this cycle so doesn't cast any questions over fertility (yet).

Anyway, am off to get ready. Have typical 'want-to-wear-trackies' AFness but instead have to swan about train stations and kings cross in a skirt and fancy, uncomfortable sandals... ho hum!

Hope you are well ladies. Good luck for monday cake, i will be thinking of you and will pop in to see your news.

Enjoy your boozy day wilde, its good that this chapter of your life is coming to an end. Hope Eurovision is a suitably exciting evening for you!!

My health kick stumbled last night when an enormous bowl of Doritos was plonked in front of me at a BBQ. I have zero will power! Also, I am having a premonition ....its me, and there's an ice cream, a really big ice cream....

Have good weekends everyone!!

Have fun Wild. I don't think it's weird to think of it as cleansing, I found myself oddly peaceful with the actual af even though I'd worked myself up dreading it.

Chuckle my health kick stumbeld with an enormous ice cream yesterday, and I think I'm having the same premonition as you about myself and more ice cream. It's so hot we'll surely sweat the calories away

Well it's cd17 for me and I think I might possibly be about to ov. I have the ewcm but no temp rise as yet, in fact it dropped slightly this morning. I persuaded dp to have a shag last night (he would rather have gone to sleep) but once is unlikely to get me pg is it?

It only takes one well timed shag jo Well done!! I may need tips in a couple of weeks when DH is hungover and I am gagging for it!!!!

I realise it only takes one time chuckle. My last pg started with one shag in 2 months, but I keep thinking back to the 2 years of ttc dd2 and really don't want to do all that again (especially since I'm not telling him we're ttc)

wilde hope your boozy day in the sun went well & glad AF arrived so you have an end point & can move on.

Health kicks were meant to be broken! Don't worry about the Doritos, on average you eat less in warm weather anyway so I reckon it all evens out!! ;p

jo totally agree only takes one well timed shag! Keep up the persuasion tactics for a few more days & fingers crossed!

Thanks for all your good wishes. I will def post on Monday & let you know how I got on. Xx

hey girls hope everyone well. I had a really busy couple of days with the kids etc and we've been out a lot enjoying the nice weather. Glad to hear everyone's well.

Good luck for the scan tomorrow cake!

I just found out a friend is pg. She has been trying for a long time and was worried about not ovulating so taken clomid. I am pleased for her but also a bit green eyed. I am a bit fed up about being out for this month - any way I look at it, I think I can only ovulated next week whilst I am away from DH!

So I am trying to make the most of being able to drink a bit more and exercise vigorously, though the eating less is pretty hard when wine is being drunk!!

Anyway, don't have any news but wishing you all lots of luck for this month!

Hope you enjoyed the party wild!

Ah boo, am in same position as you, just finishing af and dh away the weekend he needs to be at home with me to get bfp next cycle. As you say, extra wine time for us. As for pregnant people...I'm sick to the back teeth of them. Especially my mate who keeps whining about being pg and is already talking about 'when we've had the next one', like it just 'happens' (which I know it does for some people but grrrrr)

Good luck tomorrow cake, keep us posted! off into the pathetic excuse of a garden to get the last little bit of vitamin D for the weekend.

Good luck tomorrow cake. Let us know how it goes?

Had a lovely weekend here - enjoying the sunshine. Glad everyone else seems to be doing the same.

Am supposedly 5 wks now, but still no symptoms so now worrying it might be ectopic as I've heard that you don't get symptoms if that is the case.

hey all, sounds like you have been busy with sun and ice cream and shagging :)

Well done on your dtd efforts jo! One random shag was all it took for DS to be made!

boo congrats to your friend of course, but sorry for how it made you feel. Is totally shit.

chuckle I won't be getting pg this month either.

Party was brill thanks peeps. AF here but quite light really but not complaining!

I am suffering terribly with anxiety :( Getting the train yesterday was so so hard for me; in the shop when I was getting the paper and a sarnie to take on the train I was shaking like a leaf. My hands were really trembling and I started crying on the platform I felt so scared. Of what? Scared of what?! Is so awful. then had two panic attacks on the train on the way home, my worst yet, and cried all the way home! Train was really quiet so no one would have seen but... wtf? Lots of things keep setting me off and making me cry! Am like a mad person. I feel like I am unravelling. And i am so worried i don't want to go out. I only feel 'safe' at home. I don't want to see people because pretending to be ok is exhausting but admitting the truth is too depressing and whiny. Ah heck, off to drs for me.

I just with so much i could have my 'old' pre-mc life back.

anyway. good luck tomorrow cake!

good luck cake x

have to confess to having hidden this thread as felt I was analysing too much and driving myself potty!

Had to come back to check when AF was as had a wee spotting of blood yesterday to see if any chance it could be implantation but y'know what now I am here I CBA to go and look for it and see! What will be will be :)

Will look back in tomorrow to check on cake's scan and congrats to ice! Hope you are keeping well :)

Good luck for tomorrow cake.

ice no symptoms at roughly 5 weeks is absolutely normal. I had no symptoms at all with dd1 (other than missed periods but that is quite normal for me) until I was 16 weeks and I noticed that none of my clothes fitted and I had more of a belly than usual. That was a perfectly fine and healthy pregnancy. With dd2 I had no symptoms until about 9 weeks which coincided with me going on Guide camp as a leader and I started with morning sickness. Again that was a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy. The last pg I had which ended in mc, that was the one where I could tell by 5 weeks as I'd felt sick for a week. So every pregnancy is different and you can't predict anything by when you start getting symptoms. Please try very hard to stop worrying, you have every chance of this being a healthy pregnancy leading to a lovely baby.

boo I totally understand where you are coming from being of your friend being pg. I also understand what she's feeling, having been close to needing clomid myself when ttc dd2. It's really hard from both sides. You might not be completely out this month, don't forget that you don't have to time it perfectly as sperm can last a few days, and apparently orgasm can make you ovulate a bit early (don't quote me on that, it was someone on this thread that said it but I quite like the sound of it), so lots of sex before you go away and then some more when you come back for good measure and you might just get lucky.

wild definitely go to the doctor. You sound like my friend did when she was having panic attacks. It really is horrible but your gp should be able to help you. I want my 'old' pre-mc life back too, I don't even mind if it goes back to pre-pg as I was quite happy then but keep randomly crying now, even 7 weeks on.

Daisy nice to see you. I thought about hiding this thread too, for the same reasons (plus I'm not supposed to be ttc!!). I think you're probably a bit early for implantation yet, I'm only just oving and my af was before yours, although my cycles are messed up and frequently longer than normal people.

Thank you all. On our way know, feel apprehensive & nervous. Was sick for second time this am. Again came from nowhere. Hadn't even eaten! Putting it down to nerves. Will post update later. Keep your fingers & toes crossed please x

good luck cake, thinking of you.

ice I had symptoms at 4 weeks and they thought i might have an ectopic because i was very crampy. constand cramping pain and sharp pain in your shoulder is an indication of ectopic, I would say no symptoms at 5 weeks was perfectly normal? Sure is all ok. No, really, it most probably is :)

lovely to see you daisy! Hope you are ok!

I am stuck in a shitty rut where i know that if i was to be able to think ab out conceiving again etc that would help me not be so inward thinking and low, would be a way out, but also know that I have to finish uni before that is possible... but while i feel like this I can't be motivated - even cooking dinner feels beyond me! Duh.

can't wait for bank holiday. DH has the whole week off. that will probably be good for me unless we argue the whole time being under each other's feet

Have you had the scan yet cake? How did it go?

wild I think you and I are in the same rut. I want to be thinking about concieving again, and I am, but dp really doesn't want to so I shouldn't be. It does make me feel low, and I feel the same way about not being motivated to do anything. Like I should be planning lessons right now, not on mn! But it's easier to just sit and think, which I don't think is doing me any good. I'm really hoping that couselling will help, I've got my first appt next week so I'm looking forward to that. I have the whole week off next week too, dp just has the bank holidays. I've forced myself to make plans for each day so I have a reason to go out and about instead of sit around in the shithole that my house has become while I have not been motivated to do any housework.

aw jo. am so glad you are seeing a counsellor. Is good you have made plans to go out and about.. staying in on your todd would be crap... BUT do look after yourself and if you want a day in, being mardy and mopy eating ice cfream with the curtains shut then that can be a good thing too. Sometimes i don't think we have enough space to think and come to terms with things, there's always stuff to do.

being like this is shit isn't it? we'll be ok...

I made my drs appt for thursday - a really nice lady who saw me when I was pg and first sent me to EPU (against my protestations!) so hopefully she will empathise a bit more than the last dr. very scared.

If you describe your symptoms the same way you've described them on here, about the shaking and only feeling safe at home, then I'm sure she will be sympathetic and do her best to help.

We will be ok. I do feel better than I did, I think possibly the sunshine has helped with that a bit. I didn't cry at all yesterday, and haven't cried so far today either, so those are good things. I don't think I could persuade dd2 to stay in for a whole day atm, she seems to have developed into a bit of an outdoorsy girl and wants to be out for walks or going to the park at every opportunity.

Just popped in to see if cake had posted, 9am wasn't it she was in? I hope this isn't a bad sign her not being back to update [worry]

Me too. Cake? How did it go? Am hoping no news means you went in to work and everything was fine?

Hi all, sorry to worry you! I have indeed been at work and the EPU had a hideously long wait (we arrived 15mins before clinic & were already 13tg on list!!) saw nurse after 1.5 hr wait who listen to story & did pg test & was strong positive. Said she'd arrange a scan but it would be another hour so to go and get a coffee. Finally got scan at 11:15 and good news!!!
A teeny tiny baby with arms and everything!!! Most importantly a heartbeat and wriggling away. All looked good & it measured 8+2 which fits in perfectly. Happy days! I was shocked and relieved. Had prepared myself for worst & you couldn't wipe the huge grin off DH face! Looks like an early jan baby :)
The nurse was lovely (same one I saw with mc) and was so thrilled said it was great we'd conceived so quickly & that we would be a good example for her. Need to start to process it all now! Keeping it v.v quiet until after 12 week just to be sure but a great day!
Thank you all for your good wishes & support. It has really helped xxxx

ice I now have pregnancy proof and still my symptoms are nowhere near what they were with ds apart from 2 random sickness & tired when I stop at night that is it. Don't lose faith. Thinking about you xxx

That's amazing cake, so happy for you!

so utterly pleased for you cake

Great news cake, now its time to start enjoying being pregnant!! I will have a celebratory for you tonight!!