After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

chuckle that sucks :( I really hoped you were in with a chance this month!

I LOVE that you have spreadsheets, that is completely brilliant. I do not because I am way too thick to understand them or ever need them :) i have (private) calenders though with secret scribblings all over re: CM, cervix, ov days and AF days and test days.

NOW, don't forget that spermies last for 3-7 days... so you can do quite a bit of seducing in the week up to the festival that will give you a lovely, ahem, 'bank' of spermicles. If you got a shag in on tues and thurs night then spermies will last happily until sunday night. If he is around fri night then even better! So you'll be covered! Shag again mon pm and all sorted :) Shagging every day is not wise, every 2/3 days will do just fine?

AND never tell your man partner when you are ovulating if he is at all squeamish about it. Ever. In my house the science is all my secret (though he knows I do it! we don't talk about it... too much pressure) and why I have to have MN!

Hi Wilde! Fancy seeing you here!! I am lurking on this thread. Still afraid, very afraid, to try again! Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine wherever you are!

hey harriet! How are you doing? Lurk away :) It is a scary business for us isn't it...

Am back ttc though not this month purposely, I think we dtd at the same time as I ov'ed so am inadvertently on the 2ww... don't know if I actually ov'ed though! Should come on at the weekend if I did. I will be trying again properly in June though :)

No real sunshine here today but apparently we will tomorrow, huzzahs.

Toddler is asleep and DH is out. heaven

oh no chuckle sorry to hear about AF!

I sympathise re the weekend - but like wild says, you have a window. If it was me I would probably warn my DH that his services would be required (otherwise it definitely would not happen) but I do understand that lots of DH's don't want to know about the ins and outs... I think if it's caused probs in the past for you guys then probably best not to tell him, and just try and chill out about it and dtd when you can. I know it's really hard to chill about, but just remind yourself that then you are giving your body the best opportunity (this is advice I can't seem to take myself btw!!). Can you plan something nice & distracting for you to do the same weekend (or are you going to the festival if so would that do the trick?)

oh and at spreadsheets. I have only fertility friend, but that is pretty satisfying.

No sunshine here - in fact it was very windy and kind of cold. BUT amazingly my boss wants to move me to a different area which would be more interesting, so am feeling upbeat about that (if it happens).

We have just started tests for recurrent m/c - had blood tests but been told they would be 'a couple of months' coming back to us! In the meantime, am determined to just enjoy the summer without the worry that has been the backdrop to my life for the last year. Doing ok so far, though had a brief private moment today when a colleague announced her pregnancy. Congratulated her (obviously) but couldn't bring myself to ask about due date as it is not going to be a million miles away from what mine should've been...Good luck to everyone who is going for it this month and next!

Thanks Harriet! Good luck to you too!

many thanks for the advice, I mentioned last night that I want to give it a really good go this cycle so will try to pretend its a normal weekend and we need to still go for every 2-3 days.i don't know what his plans are yet in terms of which nights he will be swsy, if girlfriends are going etc do will have to do some nagging to find out! Fingers crossed I can stay chilled and he can stay soberish!

Sexy for summer plan day 2......working on my tan (even though my wobbly thighs should be top priority)

Hope you are all having good days.

Ps hello harriet, I have a pregnant colleague to- I feel your pain :(

glad you having some tests harriet though sad you need them.

yay chuckle! go, go, go!

I just spent a frightening hour looking for my kitten after i realised I had left the back door open when I went to the loo :( Called and searched the whole house and nothing. In the garden, nothing. In the road, nothing. About to knock on neighbours doors and there she slunk into my dining room. Oh the relief! Oh happy day! Oh phew and shit and what a twat leaving the door open :(

Anyway. Feel reet preggo today but know this is because of the HCG leaving my system. weepy, super high energy, slight twinges and crampiness, sensitive boobs and all hormonal. Wish it was cause am pg but know it is post-pregnancy hormonal imbalance - like daisy had. And I really believe this! Am most sane (apart from the high energy which makes me feel a bit crackers. my house is spotless) :)

Hope you ok btw daisy. come back and say hollar please

how are you feeling atm jo?

how are you getting on ice and cake? Did you organise a scan cake? Don't feel you have to say anything, am sure you are a bundle of nerves

I hope your tests come back with something they can help with Harriet. It really sucks when friends/colleagues are pregnant doesn't it?

Chuckle I think wild is right that you should just dtd a couple of times in the week before he goes as sperm definitely lasts a few days (I know this because of timings with dd2). Working on tan sounds infinitely more fun than working on wobbly thighs, go for that! And possibly some other beautification too, I quite enjoy painting my nails (or getting rid of the disgusting hard skin on the bottom of my feet)

wild Keep the door shut! That poor kitten nearly getting lost, you meanie. Glad you found her. Have you started back at work properly yet or are you still taking it slow?

I'm back at work after being ill last week. I think being ill was my body's way of telling me I needed to slow down and finish grieving. I haven't finished yet though, I'm still feeling very teary and miserable. Work is very busy too right now. I can't seem to get myself motivated even though I have LOADS of work to do RIGHT NOW!!!! I'm being observed tomorrow and haven't even started planning that lesson, and I have 50 year 9 reports to write by Thursday. I am so behind it's unbelievable, yet I quite fancy going out to the park with dd2 when we get home, and going to the gym or something. I can't though cos I have too much work (so I should stop messing around on mn) I should have done at least some of this lesson planning or report writing last week or over the weekend but I didn't so I shouldn't complain now as it's all my own fault that I'm behind.

jo I am a total twat and while half crying, half meowing around my garden and bursting into tears into a bemused kitten's face upon finding her I learned my lesson. Was a forgetful eedjit .

And I really sympathise with how you feel re: being ill and needing time - since my dr gave me the time off work I have felt soooo much happier. Today I felt actually happy. Was planning to go back to work today until I was told that today is not actually a full week off work, tomorrow is. hurrah so i took today off. I have finished my book now so seems a good time to go back, but only slowly slowly. I am like you with a mountain of work and pressure to do it just behind my back but being signed off has meant I have recovered literally weeks quicker - in one week I feel better than I would have done with a whole month of trying to do both. maybe you need some time to just chill and get your head together? could you do this?

Am not hyper any more! the hormones have calmed (for now). Thank goodness. Am determined to get a BFN tomorrow. I better do, am around 9dpo tomorrow and if I am pg I would like a bit of clear water between a one BFP and another! Will test on saturday am just in case I am pg (12dpo)because I am going to get extremely drunk with my best friends who I never ever see on saturday . Can. Not. Wait!

You do know I was joking about being a meanie wild don't you? We all have forgetful moments. I once left dd1 in her pram in the post office so I have no place pointing fingers at anyone else about being forgetful about anything. I think it's a really good idea to have some space between one bfp and the next so fx for your bfn tomorrow and another bfp on Sat.

I only have a week and a half til half term so I'll probably struggle on til then. After that year 11 will be gone so it'll be easier, and year 10 will be doing their modular exam so there will be less pressure. Hopefully half term will be enough to recharge my batteries, but if it's not then I'll make some more decisions then.

Hi ladies,

Loving the sexy for summer plan & this beautiful sunshine!!! Hot hot hot here today! Turned the ch in my class into wild animals. Rain or heat and they go a bit crazy!! Glad kitty didn't get too far & sorry AF has caught up with a few of you. Booooooooo!
Agree with other girls, sex every couple of days & shouldn't be a prob DH away.
wilde thank you for your thoughts, am happy to share with you Ladies. I'm going for the scan next week. I'm guessing that I will be 8ish weeks then (all being well). The scan is part of the EPU drop in 9-12 so i can just turn Up with my referral. Will go at beg of week while ds @ childminder. Means having to say it out loud and tell work though. Nervous about that. Generally I'm symptom spotting like crazy & tbh wish they were stronger by now. Unnerving. Going to the loo is horrible, I have to steel myself to look at paper to see if happening again. I'm hoping for good news nxt week. My mc was a BO so we had an empty sac on screen and a wait to see if dates wrong. We are past that stage now I guess so if empty there will be no uncertainty. Fingers crossed there is a wriggly bean!
Xx

aw cake good to hear from you, glad you are managing to hold out for the scan. I had an BO too, and the empty sac, and the wait... so know exactly how you feel about needing to be past the doubt stage.

BFN this morning yay!

i need your knowledges! Had brown blood in cm last night, just the once, (8/9dpo) but made me feel really frightened and my first thought was that i was miscarrying again. Really weird to think like that as obviously that is impossible. I am AF crampy today. Due on Sunday/Monday. Is so weird but i feel like I am in limbo again, instead of just waiting for AF like a normal woman I feel nervous like i did all the time i was waiting to mc. Like something awful could happen at any time. Did you guys feel like this with your first period after mc? Sort of took you back to the mc?

SO... brown blood could mean:
Nothing
sign of impending AF and WTF month (have never had pre-AF brown blood or spotting before)
Sign i haven't finished mc'ing (as i have AF cramps)
Implantation. Though a) I didn't have implantation bleeding with either of my other pregnancies; b) doesn't it happen when am meant to have a period, not at 9dpo?

Anyway, am taking it easy today and might go for a run to clear my head!

jo I was a meanie! very neglectful! but thanks for reassuring me that you don't think I am Evil :)

sorry for the me, me, me. have been obsessively knicker checking all night and can't talk to Dh about it :(

sorry, jo meant to say that am glad that you are being open-minded about taking time off in the future and not just trying to brazen it out. Hope this week and next goes ok for you and then half term BLISS :) x

I say - ooooooooo Wilde

arf, am really, really crampy now :(. think AF is on her way with a vengeance just to ruin my fecking weekend of fun times with friends for the first time since i mc'ed. not bitter at all.

Did you guys have worse than normal period pains with your first post-mc AF? I am really worried in case I am miscarrying a bit more :( i heard you can sometimes pass some more stuff with the next AF? If I am pg then it will mc as this is what happened last time. i did get a BFN though, wouldn't that indicate it is all over?

Am spending too much time on my own, feeling crampy and panicking like an idiot. Tried to work, can't even work out my deadlines!

If you had a bfn that is great as it means the mc is over. It does sound as if you ov'd this month too.

My AF caught me by surprise in WTF month. Normally I get leg cramp and pmt, but didn't. First I knew was when it was 'there'. Was really light for day1, then kicked in with vengeance for several days but stopped as quickly. Very dif to normal.

What day are you now since you think you ov'd?

I was gutted when AF arrived as had secretly been hoping I'd be pg. it was probably better that I wasn't as we stood better chance of succeeding this month as I knew what dates would be?

Am still keeping FX for you.

Hey ice you are so kind for replying, thank you.

the cramping has gone now, hurrah! am on pins though, terrified am going to start my AF in public. I am around 9dpo today :) normally have a 12 day luteal phase so expect to come on any time from Sunday but, yes, WTF month. i do hope to be pg but know next month would be great timing with work etc, and want to get boozy at the weekend so swings and roundabouts... Know it would be good to have a break between pregnancies but you can't help feeling broody can you?

Am so incredibly happy with the BFN, I have kept it to keep reassuring myself it is negative! So I won't mc this last pregnancy any more then. It is over. Done. I can move on. Thank fuck for that .

Hope you are doing ok chuck and not freaking out too much? I am sad i have lost the happy innocence I had with my pregnancy with DS.

Hey wild just a quickie to say that I did get some brownish cm prior to period this month (which is second after MC) I was a bit but I don't know what it means. I wondered if it just is body getting back to normal, and maybe that takes a while - I am thinking to myself this is why we didn't get pg this month, maybe my old body isn't ready yet....

But of course it could be that you are pg! I really wouldn't read anything into it (if you can!!)

Good to hear cake that you are getting a scan, I am sure the wait will be worth it.

Loving the lovely weather here today. Feel like I relaxed for the first time in a rather long time...

yay for relaxing boo! Thanks for your help :)

I have got more browny stuff and bad cramps (really painful, my painkillers haven't touched it) so think it is my AF! Am delighted! Surprised as is early and i don't do spotting... but so happy the worst of it should be over for Saturday, when I can drink and party guilt free knowing the mc is all over and am into a new cycle :)

Would much prefer a Feb/march bubba too and would be sensible with work.

sorry for today being all about me! no more :)

Hi all,

wilde brown blood is old blood, I wouldn't worry too much your CM is just helping 'clean & clear' you all out. BFN is great news, mc over. congratulations!! You can move forward & look fwd to a BFP now!
I told my boss my situation yday, downplayed it abit. Said scan was to see what situation was and why BFP, if new pg & if viable. She was very supportive. Very understanding. Said take the time I need and if I can't come in after then just to call her. I've told her I'm going for scan Monday am. So date set. Dreading it tbh but can't keep putting it off.

Monday is 5 weeks since BFP so i'm guessing min of 8 weeks as was first response. I just think it's not going to go well, I just keep symptom spotting and I don't think there's enough for this stage :(

cake try not to worry chuck (I know, I know I will be a bag of nerves too). I am sure it will all be brilliant! Can totally understand how worried you are. In fact, so much so that I have decided i can't ttc until I have finished uni now, as i know that if I got a BFP I would be so worried I would just sit and google all day and fret seeing as I work from home . Fingers crossed all is well for monday, any time you need to offload, do! SO glad your work were understanding. Must be hard to have to tell people.

Still waiting for AF, bit crampy no more brown blood. know it will come on Saturday when am in chuffing london! oh well, at least I will be with my bestest mates and we are having a bbq at my mate's house so if it is dreadfully heavy/painful i will be ok.

Am thinking today about my future and think if I can get over the age gap between DCs (if there are more! Hope so) then I shall have to stop ttc until aug. I know I will freak out when I do get pg and be so worried and this will detract from my studies big time. I'm bad enough anyway! Once they are done I can sit at home and rub my belly and fret at leisure (or just be happy, who knows). Won't be around much obvs if that is the case :( but will for now, until AF comes! Will miss you guys but sure you will all be preggo when I get back on it :)

Great news on scan cake and great that your boss is understanding, how exciting that you get your first glimpse of your baby!!

wilde my first 2 AF after mc have both been messed up. I've had spotting the day before with both which I've never had before and the first one was much heavier than normal. Good news on the BFN, will miss you if you disappear for a bit but you know what's best for you and i totally see why you might decide to wait a bit.

I have just discovered some 'cafe collection ' wine which is only 5%. It isn't as tasty as the real thing but it's got to be more conception friendly!! I just had a big glass of the white in the garden with tea, feels like we're on holiday!!

Hope everyone else is making the most of this lovely early summer :)