After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

You are right I'm just both looking fwd to scan (hopefully for reassurance) and dreading it (don't want another sodding empty sac). Real mixed bag of emotions.

Had to email some of my family today as all going away for long wknd. Didn't want any awkward situations asking why not drinking or offering congrats that I'm not ready for.... So just gave them a heads up & explained situation & how we didn't want to discuss it or get our hopes up. Don't want it to be too real. At least that way they know but won't question me or ask if not drinking. More pleasant for all & hopefully will have some good news to share in a few weeks.

boo I am in the SS even though I am only 2DPO and may not actually have even ovulated. Could I be more mental?! I haven't cried today yet though! hurrah! Do feel fragile though, but am intending to go for a run, staying away from the biscuit cupboard and take it EASY. No work, no planning work, nada. I sneakily intend to come back to work next week instead of taking the recommended two weeks off. Am fine really, just don't need pressure and the Evil Feeling of Failure and Letting Everyone Down (EFFLED, yeah? )

I hope everyone is better today, but also hope people know that having shit days and crying a lot is probably necessary for positive healing and we won't always be like this... we won't!

cake I love haering about your symptoms, they make me feel so hopeful :) I would have the scan next week, 7/8 weeks is a good time to see something. I can imagine how scary it would be, even making the appt, so good luck but really it sounds so positive x

ss?

Scuse me while I have a rant...

Could stand for silently screaming here for me today

I've been going round scrimping and saving and trying to sell as much stuff as I can on local FB pages to get a bit of money together - I've got to go out and walk 2 miles in the rain to drop off something to someone shortly for the sake of a fiver (super skint this month as DP didn't pay council tax when was supposed to so had to pay a lump plus my DLA was down by over £80 for no bloody reason and still being sorted out) and now I see on FB someone is selling a t in the park ticket for £200 and he's asking about it!!!!!!!

SS = symptom spotting land of pyscho-ness

eek, hope DP sees a bit of sense about the ticket!

Daisy you have every reason to rant about your dp. Hope you make him see sense that he can't afford that ticket. It sucks about your DLA too, I don't know how they expect people to manage when they make mistakes like that.

I'm not ss, as I'm only on cd8, so won't be anywhere near oving yet. I'm trying really hard not to obsess about it, but also thinking how I can trick dp into having sex at the right time, and how to convince him we don't need condoms. I'm not convinced I'll succeed so should really stop even contemplating it, especially as it's immoral too. Does anyone know what it means if my temp goes down around now? It has been 36.3 ish then this morning it was 35.8. That seems very low to me, have i accidentally been sleeping in a fridge?

it just seems to be one thing after an another with him right now, seriously questioning wtf I am going to do.... again....

Was thinking on my way back just now, am glad in a way that it was a BFN this month as it gives me time to think.

Are you on fertility friend at all Jodidi? Worth a look re BBT

Poor you Daisy. It must be hard having to deal with relationship problems at a time like this.

Yes I'm on FF and have had a look about the BBT, but there is a long list of things that could affect it and I have about 7 of them. So not really any the wiser, I'll just assume it's a blip and will go back to 'normal' tomorrow.

Just keep remembering, wtf wtf wtf wtf!

wtf, wtf month jo. Am sorry but I know nothing about temps really, only what I have gleaned from the threads but am not very scientifically minded so don't really get it!

Hope you ok daisy x

Personally feeling a lot better in myself today. Went for a wee run. off to get DS now, the cat and I have been all quiet and relaxed today so him coming home will be terrifying quite a whirlwind!

hi all
I am in a mood today. I am 10 dpo and woke up too early this morning to temp but could not get back to sleep, so I did my temp a bit early after tossing and turning for a bit. it was quite low so my hopes sunk about being pg, so thought what the hell I'll poas and BFN. CRAP!

Obviously I am still clinging onto the hope that it might be too early to test but also have to face that it is quite likely to be right. Given that I am away next likely ovulation day (without DH) that means we are looking at a March/April baby at the earliest. . I keep telling myself what is the rush, and there isn't a rush really, but I don't like this kind of limbo state where you can't make plans and of course there is the worry that it might never happen again. With both DDs it happened straight away, which should make me optimistic but I am worried that either the MC or age has done something to me. Groan. Sorry - this is a me me me post.

Anyway, on a lighter note it was actually warm today and I didn't need tights for the first time, which was a great improvement.

Daisy that's rubbish that your DP being so unreliable, and awful you are having to think about your future. I really hope he responds to a talk through these issues.

Arf boo I feel for you. not me, me, me at all though generally we do need to talk about ourselves a bit :) as you say 10 DPO is early.

Am unreasonably pissed off at my (lovely) SIL taking the piss out of my cat's name on FB? I love my cat, i love the name we have chosen, and am sensitive like anyone is. Grrr.

boo I am also 10dpo and am ashamed to admit that I have already POAS twice too, I am pretty sure I am not pg but am still telling myself that it could be too early to test though I know af is waiting in the wings, probably for the weekend so I cant even have a fun shag

Less stressy round my way today, though I am sitting in a parents evening now and want to be at home.Have seen all of my appointments so have another 90 minutes of sitting in a room on my own with noone to talk too.

WHat is your cats name wilde?

Aw Chuckle I was kicking myself for poas, so you've made me feel a bit better to hear you have too! It is early - so you never know. Last time I didn't get a BFP until a good week after due period, but obv that ended up in MC. I also got a late BFP with DD2 though, but I can't recall how late that was. Fingers crossed for the both of us!!

wild grr at piss taking of cat's name. Have you told us or is it for real life only? I bet it's lovely whatever any piss takers say.

I got very short tempered with the DDs this evening. But then I had a long bath and feel a bit better. I am really achy round the middle - could be imminent AF, could be something else... Anyway, am going to have a pizza and an early night.

Chuckle you have to stay once you've seen all your appointments? We can leave as long as we're sure nobody else is planning on coming, of course I rarely get to do that, usually I'm one of the last to leave.

that sucks that you have to hang around chuckle. I would normally be struggling not to POAS at 10dpo too ladies! This time though... well, I don't think I want to know early - but I said i wouldn't do opks too so...!

Arf would say me cats name but it's pretty unusual and would rather stay a bit more anon (though have given so much info on here am sure I would be outed anyway!) I love the name, but is also the name of an unusual lead character in a film so everyone thinks have named her after the film. I haven't, and whatever.

am going to go to bed and hide read I think. the gorgeous kitten has pissed all over my settee all day and I only just noticed, and won't poo in her litter tray! So between her and my DS I clean up a lot of poo. and my hands are so dry from washing them constantly! And my house smells of poo! and

My boobs are really sore. Either preggo or hormonal imbalance. At 2dpo I would say the latter and that means serious, serious mood swings in a few days time. Arf. Take cover! Save yourselves, it's too late for me, but you have tiiiiiiime!!!!

night then.

Good morning ladies. I have now been to the doctor who was lovely and is referring me to a psychologist. She also recommended a book about stopping worrying and said it was ok for me to diet while ttc. So I am now on a diet. I think this will give me something to focus on and hopefully take my mind off things a bit. I've also been back to work.

I see a lot of you are symptom spotting and poas :) I must admit, before AF arrived I poas 8, 9 and 10 days post ov [embarrassed] It's a good job I have a lot of internet cheapies.

cake Nice to see you around. I hope a scan gives you some reassurance. I think I would want an early one too.

Jo I got the odd lower temp too. I thought I must have slept with my mouth open or something but maybe it is just random.

Daisy Sorry to hear you are having problems. I hope your DP comes to his senses over the ticket. It doesn't help does it.

wilde I am sure your cats name is great. My pets have very geeky names but I never listen to people about it - I love them.

hee am so glad your dr has seen you right. I wish mine was nice like that! Am really sorry you need help though. Is the book about worrying in general or worrying about ttc? Are you quite anxious at the mo? Hope you ok chuck, come here to chat/offload anytime won't you.

I got a BFP again today BUT ghostly wee line that you can't see in some lights. strange to be squinting under different lights to see if I can't see the line! Sadly I can but it will def be gone tomorrow or sunday so am confident all is ok and shan't ring EPU unless it gets more visible come Monday. hurray and thank goodness for that. wouldn't be any chance of a mc/new pg HCG overlap either.

I am gagging for a glass of wine already :) DH is under strict orders to bring back a lot of wine tonight! I can't assume I ov'd properly, or that I will at all, or might ov in the next few days when the HCG is gone... so am not able to live like a nun under the cosh of the 2ww. Just going to chill.

Had another mild episode in co-op last night :( It seems to be if I am in a busy shop, and having to make a decision (!) I get all panicky.

ice are you testing today?!

am off to soft play... first outing since mc where there will be bumps and babies... and on my own. I am armed with anti-panic thoughts and a pressing need to let DS let off steam and throw and hit and bounce and climb as much as he can! I just hope he doesn't want me to join in too, am too sore from my run and exercises yesterday!

I hope everyone has lovely fridays :)

Thanks wilde it is good to talk about it on here. Could you change to a new doctor? When I was first pg I saw a doctor that made me feel terrible so I am making sure I don't see her again. My surgery has lots of them so I'm quite lucky in that respect. My worry is about everything really, I'm quite an anxious person anyway but this has made me worse. The doctor told me something useful about when I have an attack of it - keep an elastic band around my wrist and twang it whenever I find myself starting to panic. Maybe this could help you? It's the distraction apparently. I haven't tried it yet. Yay on the fading BFP, I'm sure it will be gone by the weekend.

Hmmm. I have to confess something.

I did a sneaky CB digital test yesterday morning CD25 - and it showed 1-2 weeks. I was mega-excited and then felt mega-sick with fear/nerves/you name it. Didn't want to say anything in case I jinxed it. Then spent the remainder of the day googling HPTs and their hCG levels. And convincing myself that I'd been really stupid testing SO early and that it would be a CP.

DH came home after work and I told him. He told me not to worry and that I wouldn't have any signs yet as it was still 4-5 days before AF due. My boobs were the sign that I knew I was pg last time as they got tender on the day I missed my AF. He told me to leave it and we'd see what happened - reasonably stating that with my 3 successful pg I'd tested early and been fine.

So, ignoring his advice, I re-tested this morning, using a Boots cheapie, and there was the faintest of lines if I squinted really hard. Why isn't it a strong line?

I've been to the Dr this morning on a pre-arranged appt about upset tummy which started just after last pg was discovered - and I am sure it contributed to the mc as I lost nearly 3/4 stone in 2 weeks. He told me off for getting pg again so quickly - lectured me about being emotionally fragile, and trying to replace what I'd lost, rather than really wanting another child, and THEN told me that I should expect my AF over the weekend (due Sunday) as I'd tested too early and 2 out 3 pg at this stage fail.

FFS - my head is now in a complete spin. I'm terrified about the weekend. My stomach is doing goodness knows what. FFS. Shit. I should be happy, but am terrified.

Sorry. It's all me, me, me.

wilde glad your line is SO faint. I think you are right about it disappearing over the weekend. That is great news.

hee my s-i-l also used the elastic band trick and swears by it. Great advice.

chuckle any news?

Ice how insensitive of your doctor!! Congratulations on your bfp!
I understand how nervous you are, I would be the same, but try really hard to think positive. Your dh is right that you wouldn't have any symptoms yet, it will take another week or so before you feel anything unusual (or you might not get any symptoms at all if you are anything like me)

congratulations ice! I am thrilled for you! YAYA, two BFPs on this thread already!

Your dr was incredibly negative. a) you know why you conceived again, he doesn't and isn't you, don't let him patronise you. b) re: failing mc and getting your AF this weekend, he is referring to a chemical pregnancy which of course might happen, but only as much as it might happen to anyone and just is part of the peril of testing early - or getting pg at all; there are NO stats to say how many pregnancies are lost before the AF due date so where he got his 2/3 from I don't know! Generally it would make sense, in the absence of finer knowledge, to go with the normal stat that 3/4 people KEEP their babies after getting a BFP. The previous mc, and your mental state, will not contribute to a mc this time around. This pregnancy is new and all yours to enjoy mental over :) Hmmph, I feel for you having such a shitty negative dr at such a sensitive time. If anything he would be making you emotionally fragile! I will need a very suppportive kind dr when I go to say I am preggo again, having a bollocking would be just awful on so many levels.

Anyway, sorry to rant on at your behalf, am sure you don't need it having had three full term babies already!

hee the lazzy band round the wrist trick is c/o Cognitive behavioural therapy which the NHS loves as its chief theory to follow in counselling. I left NHS counselling because of it, I was more wanting to deal with the underlying issues that make me anxious/upset rather than the consequences. The idea is that if you change how you think, and react to situations, you will change how you feel. If it is just general anxiety with no known cause I think it would be good, but for me I have ishoos (family twats) that I need to rant about :) RE: my Dr, she isn't 'my' dr, and next time I will try to see the lady who initially sussed something might be wrong with the pg due to all my cramping. She was really concerned for me. I thought she was being really dramatic but then, well, 6 weeks later i mc'ed so... Anyway, THAT is a nice dr.

I am well know-it-all today and teaching you all how to suck eggs. I apologise Seems I might be getting fit and ready to get back to the PhD if I am getting all bossy in people's faces again :)

soft play was good, DS is completely knackered and should hopefully sleep well later while I down my .

BFP ice! and btw those digi's are hard to get early BFPs on, not that sensitive.

Oh ice that is excellent news, congratulations!
wilde that is interesting about CBT. This was mentioned to me by the nurse but the doctor yesterday just said she was referring me to a psychologist and didn't say what kind of treatment it was. I'm not sure what I need as I've never done it before. I think I have a few issues too but I guess I will just have to see what comes of it.
Oh stupid me - I just looked at the AN thread I was on and they were all talking about having had 20 week scans and there were some posts about gender disappointment. I feel quite upset reading it really - it should be me having a 20 week scan now :(

Hee don't look! I've hidden it cos I know I am miserable enough without reminding myself what I should be doing by now.

Wild you really are bossy today. Is that how you normally are? I quite like that you are a know-it-all, it makes me feel better that I am too

20 wk scans? gender disappointment! What?! Noooooooo :( Step away

No they didn't tell me it was CBT either when they sent me off, just said counselling, but I knew from my A level psychology course! Am sure you will get good stuff from it, even if just to spraff and CBT is meant to be good for anxiety issues.

I have the day all sewn up with busy activities now till DH comes home and is wine o clock. I have been really 'up' today, which is great but weird. I think it might be a leftover from the HCG; I get really fabulous moods when I am pg and the world just seems to smile at me. Bloody hormones.