After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

I reckon I might have ov'd 2 weeks after the mc, but not sure as I don't actually know how to be certain without temping etc. Then I had af 33 days after mc. That's quicker than I expected as my cycles can be all over the place even without the mess of a mc. I have been known to go 6 months between af. I'm hoping I will be slightly more regular and 'normal' now, but who knows.

DH said he won't be medicated every day for the next 15 or whatever years. Is it bad i have actually considered sprinkling some antihistamine into his dinner?!

Thanks ice! Am veer curious and sooooo trying (and failing) not to read into anything and just chill and repeat 'wtf month, wtf month'. I overthink everything all the time, is a terrible habit. I am trying not to even notice when in my cycle I might ov this time, just pay attention to natural fertility signs but it is throwing me that it seems to be all bang on time for a 'usual' pre-mc cycle (not that they were that usual or predictable tbh) so I think naaaah, too much of a coincidence... but then, the signs are there and we dtd... ooh! teeny squeal floowed by quick slap

Kitten is my lush new friend. hiding under the settee and sleeping all day but whenever I leave the room she meows at me to say she is still there and where am I going? and she is all quiet and comfy (I feel) when I am back. Kitten therapy is lovely :)

x post, thanks for sharing jo. I hope we all settle into nice regular cycles with nice regular ovulations - or even better NO cycles and BIG BUMPS x

oh no! for AF hee and daisy. Crappity crap. I was really hoping for some good news. Still, enjoy the vino and february is definitely a nicer time of year to have a baby!

wild my first cycle after MC was not that disimilar from usual. I temped so I ovulated a bit late, day 22 which was later than usual, but the cycle was about 4/5 days longer than usual (also 33 days). I didn't notice any EWCM (and usually I do) but concluded from temps & weak result on an opk I was experimenting with, that I had ov'd. I didn't see any EWCM this month either so I'm not sure if something has happened to it (!).

I was very busy today with work and couldn't log onto MN last night, so have managed almost 24 hours without 2ww obsessing! Feel rather pre menstrual though so not too hopeful. God it was a horrible day today - chucking it down with rain here, I am just very glad to be home and dry, my cycle home felt rather dangerous with all the traffic jams.

Ugh, I've not had a good day. I had a bit of a meltdown at work this afternoon and ended up coming home sick where I sat and sobbed for a while. I really don't know where it came from . I'm really hoping my counselling related appointment on Thursday helps although I'm very nervous. AF is also awful - so so heavy.

I think I've also decided to try to lose some weight as I need to feel better about myself. Somewhere in the middle of all the stress I have experienced I have managed to gain a stone. Does anyone know if it is safe to lose weight while TTC?

Oh no wilde I hope your DH doesn't turn out to be allergic to the kitten! I would love a kitty but both DH and I are allergic to them :(

Sorry to hear about all the wtf cycle confusion - my first was very wtf indeed and my second cycle is also proving to be a bit confusing.

Sorry you've had a bad day Hee. I hope your counselling helps you. I hope mine ends up helping me too, I hate feeling like this, I'm normally so happy and easy-going. Yes it's perfectly fine to lose weight while ttc as long as you are doing it sensibly and not going on crash diets or anything like that. Slimming World is pregnancy friendly too, and I think WW has a pg friendly plan but not sure as they've changed since I was there.

Wilde I think it's a great idea to crush antihistimines into his dinner. If that means you keep the kitten then go for it, he'll never notice.

I've had a shit day today. Dd2 woke me up 3 times in the night. Then this morning as I was trying to brush her hair she wriggled and screamed so much I dropped the hairbrush and it landed on her head, cue dp shouting at me about my temper being out of control It was an accident ffs and she wasn't hurt. So I shouted back and told him to fuck off, then went and sobbed, making me late for work.
Then at work I had a meeting with my head of dept about classes for next year. I am not doing any ICT, which I'd started to look forward to. I am not being given any A level as apparently I need more professional development before I can teach A level I have taught A level before and did not have any problems with it until I asked not to have any when I was ttc dd2 as I didn't feel it was fair to leave in the middle of their A levels. I have a feeling I'm not being given 6th form because they think I'm going to get pg and leave again, which I'm trying to but isn't likely because dp is trying not to :( And the grotty class in year 10 that I have had since yr 7 was going to be taken off me. I have put in a massive amount of effort with that group and I bloody well want to claim the credit for the decent exam results they will get next year (even if it kills me to get them there)

Sorry to moan, and none of it is ttc related. I'm just pissed off with everything today.

Hee - sorry for shit day - AF is such a bitch. Even if you don't expect to be pg, it's such a let down, and on top of that you've got hormones & period pain to boot. It's just not fair. I know I will be disappointed when AF arrives, even though I'm trying to be nonchalant. Hope you feel ok.

Jo - sorry for your crap day. Can you go back to your head and argue your case? It sounds really tough. You must be knackered too with being up in the night 3 times. Hope you managed to chill out tonight & maybe try and re negotiate your classes tomorrow? And don't worry about moaning, that's what we're here for!

boo I did argue my case with my hod. He has agreed that I can keep my grotty yr 10s into yr 11, which he was very about as I have complained constantly about that class for the past 4 years and he thought he was doing me a favour by taking them away from me. I just want to get the credit when they exceed their targets (which they will because I've put so much effort into them). He wouldn't budge on the 6th form though, I just don't know what hoops I'm supposed to jump through to get back to doing some A level. Maybe him leaving is a good thing and the new hod might let me have a chance to prove myself again. Although at the minute my feeling is to say fuck it, and leave. We can't afford for me to do that though and I'm aware that it's mostly my shit state of mind right now rather than a genuine dislike of the job.

Morning all. Sorry to hear about lack of Jan babies, I agree Feb is a much better month for a birthday! I am expecting af at weekend / early next week and am pretty sure I'm not pg but can't help hoping, especially as work is so horrible at the moment. Am off today with a sick dd and am seriously contemplating randomly applying for every job available!! Dh had an interview yesterday so we are waiting to hear about that but I have a bad feeling about it so trying not to get my hopes up.
Hope everyone who has had bad days recently had a better day today, almost at the weekend now :)

Thanks jo and boo. I am home today too, I think I have some sort of stomach bug and I feel awful. Also been crying - oh well, doctors tomorrow.

Jo Sorry to hear about your bad day too. I remember my mum trying to brush my long hair when I was little and I used to squirm and scream - poor her, I feel bad about it now. She also used to do lovely plaits that I used to pull out as soon as I got to school.

Do you usually teach ICT? I had been thinking for a while I would like to do train to be a teacher and teach it. Not sure how I would fit it in though. Hope work improves for you.

chuckle Hope your dd feels better.

boo and chuckle Hope AF stays away for you. Mine is awful this time, I think she has bought some of her friends with her!

I've taken the day off again today. I feel rubbish about taking more time off but I'm exhausted as I'm not getting much sleep (partly dd2 and partly just me not being able to sleep). I'm also catching every bug that's going round atm, so loaded up with cold again.

Chuckle hope your dd feels better soon. What sort of jobs are you thinking of randomly applying for? I have been looking at other jobs for the last couple of weeks but it's the wrong time of year for teaching jobs to come up. There was a job I was going to apply for in March but I'd just had a bfp and I thought September was a bad time to change, but it turns out September would have been fine :( Wish I'd applied for it now. I might not have got it but at least I'd have tried.

Hee I normally teach maths but I've done some ICT this year and due to some overstaffing in the maths dept I was going to have more ICT next year. Now our HOD is leaving we no longer have overstaffing so I'm back to teaching all Maths. That's fine as it's what I've done for years, but I was looking forward to doing more of the ICT as it's a change. I did a joint degree in Maths and Computing specifically so I wouldn't be doing the same thing all day every day. In my last school I used to teach some ICT and some French too, but since I moved school 6 years ago all I've done is Maths and I've mostly had lower ability classes too, so it's easy maths with nothing challenging. I think I'm a bit bored, but not sure if I really am bored or if I am feeling bored because I'm unhappy about other things.

handing out lemon drizzle and chocolate cake and a steaming hot to my lady folk. Am sorry to hear that work is shit, about cycling in the rain, about being looked over for decent opps because your HOD thinks you might get pg (I say WHAT? this is illegal?!) and about shitty periods and lack of pregnancies.

Am sorry to hear about needing to go home yesterday hee. I am still crying randomly too, who knows what is going on with us at the mo but we WILL be ok. I hope your counselling helps, and yours jo and am so glad you are going.

jo your day did sound shit. I hate parenting arguments, and I loathe being judged on my parenting by DH, particularly when he isn't in command of the full facts or context! But even though I know he has judged me wrongly I shout at him and then cry too.

Went to drs they can only give me three weeks off (she offered two and i burst into tears as I wanted a month at least) then I have to go back but they will give me more if I ask. I was gutted and felt she really didn't get what a mess i was in, she was really 'whatevs' about the panic attacks which to me are really weird and frightening, and when I said I wasn't really seeing friends because I am too sad and depressing she told me to go and see them and they will cheer me up. Missed the point a bit but I have got some breathing space and have told Uni already and so will try and move forward.

Did another pg test and was a really faint line. There, but faint :) I reckon it will be gone on Fri/sat. And my OPK was a bit stronger I think today but have creamy CM now and hard closed cervix and sore boobs which all indicate I have ov'd. Who knows?! WTF, WTF I hate being such a control freak!

hope you are pg chuckle. Until something tells me otherwise I am counting myself in the 2ww and even though I am looking forward to some symptom spotting('SS' henceforth please) I know it must be taken with a pinch of salt. This is cynical but actually good for me because i would get rather obsessed and find the 2ww unbearable. This time I am happy to wait! What will be, will be :)

I am going to make a sandwich and sit in the sun and try and get over the horror of crying my eyes out at the drs and her apologising for making me cry with professional pitying, but dismissive eyes. UGH.

ps jo it is worth exploring your interest in changing/other topics/directions because these kind of experiences can sometimes highlight dissatisfactions with our everyday lives that otherwise we might not have noticed - like I finally got my kitten! Being 'reactionary' is not necessarily a bad thing :)

sorry so many of us are off sick today. hmmf.

Hope you feel better soon hee, being poorly is the pits.

You doc sounds horrid wilde, I thought it was supposed to be the caring profession! Hope you get your bfn soon so you can get your bfp!!

jo I have been looking at teaching jobs, there is a perfect job for me on tes, same distance as current school, same part time hours, less 'challenging' and presumably the head of department is less of a twat than mine, most people are, but I am so desperate to get pregnant and its a. Bit crap to start a new job and them go on mat leave a few months after. I think I am just a bit angry with the world at the minute and don't know how to make it better.

I hate when dd is ill but I am getting thebest cuddles ever, she is lying on me watching balamory ad I type, perfect!! (almost as good as snuggles with a kitten!! )

aw chuckle I know just what you mean about poorly weans, it is awful they are ill but they are so cuddly and calm and still and quiet and compliant :)

yeah the dr was weird but my supervisor just emailed to say not to worry about my thesis and to get better which is a complete tonic to my wretched guilty soul.

Chuckle don't feel bad about the possibility of needing mat leave when starting a new job - you have to think that they employed you because you were the best applicant for the job and despite mat leave they are lucky to have you. If it is a nice job and place you are mopre likely to work hard and well and go back sooner after mat leave too. They have to think of the long term and what you would ultimately contribute as a long term employee. Sadly that can often seem an 'enlightened' point of view in today's target driven culture, but really it is true, and why women of childbearing age should not be discriminated against. Go for it!

Chuckle that sounds like me, angry at the world and don't know how to make it better. If that job is perfect for you then go for it! You aren't pg yet (or at least you don't know if you are yet) and you have a life to live until you are. I know what you mean about not wanting to start another job and then go on mat leave a few months later, but unless you know you are pg when you apply for the job it isn't really a problem.

wild your doc really does sound horrid. Luckily mine was quite nice to me when I went. She asked if I wanted to be signed off but I didn't, maybe a bad decision though, I think possibly I could do with some more official time off. You're right about exploring other directions. I think I should, but I don't know what I would do other than teaching that could earn a similar amount of money (as we have adjusted our lifestyle to our income) and now isn't the time for teaching jobs to come up elsewhere, there are only 2 Maths or ICT jobs in a 100 mile radius of where we live! Needless to say I'm not going to commute 100 miles.

just popping in quickly to grab some lemon drizzle. Thanks wild! I quite like the idea of joining the SS! . Sorry to hear lots of you are miserable and home sick or with sick DCs. It's a rollercoaster isn't it? I blame the hormones!

This sunshine has lifted my spirits, although I sat outside for about 5 mins before the sun went in and it was blimmin cold! Why is it so much easier to relax and shut your eyes for a few minutes in the sun? I don't seem to be able to do that inside... grr.

Anyway, DD2 will be up soon and DD1 needs to go to her swimming lesson.

So I'll catch up properly later, hope everyone's day get better.

Gosh - everyone seems to be having a shite day today.

I've been ultra ultra emotional today. Burst into tears at tennis this morning (I play every week with some lovely lovely ladies) but today when I kept hitting everything in the net I found myself in tears. Then got home and had a call from DS1's school to say that he was in tears as he'd fallen and the blood was seeping through his bandage - which reduced me to tears again. Then DS2, who'd been picked up from school by grandpa (pre-arranged) has just turned up home early in tears as he wanted to come home to see me and his brothers. Which also had me in tears. All this at trivial things from someone who had the nickname 'ice queen' and 'Pinochet's mother' as a teacher at school and was called a really tough bitch just last week.

I am due af over the weekend or perhaps Monday, so am putting it down to pmt but am so hoping it might be a sign of something else.

Sorry for offloading.

ice we will not have anyone apologising for offloading on this here thread :) Is what we are here for! That sounds like a very wet, emotional day :( Have some or not, ho hum

is there a full moon coming around or something? we are all very down and teary. or maybe we are all sort of leaking emotional shit after the mc's and healing slowly, slowly.

I am very spotty on my forehead, usually a sure ov sign. Yack, thank goodness for my fringe.

chuckle I hope your DD is feeling better?

DH is doing the bedtime routine so I have the night off now. Hurray, hurray! I am going to eat more tortilla, read my book and then scoff some ice cream and watch the apprentice. Not going to go on FF and work out if I am in with a chance to have made a baby, or try and remember my symptoms for the last pg and when I had them Diet tomorrow and a run...

ice that sounds like a very emotional day. I am bursting into tears at the drop of a hat too so you're in good company. I never cry, but since the mc I have cried almost daily. It's really shit.

wild ice cream sounds good, I think I might have some in the freezer too.

dd is tucked up in bed and seems better. I am feeling slightly less angry with life after a couple of bottles of beer (its apprentice night so the 2ww can fuck off!) DH got his job so he is happy.

wilde I have a volcano on my chin just in time for parents evening tomorrow night. I assume it is impending af :(

Lets hope we all have better days tomorrow, I am going to make a concerted effort to be little miss sunshine all day

Mmmmmmmm.....ice cream

Ladies, what a shitty day you are all having. I hope everyone's DC with their bumps & tears are all ok :(
I hope a little wine or choc has provided some temporary relied after all the upset. It takes time ladies, be kind to yourselves.

NOthibg to report here. Today boobs are sore and last few Days been starving really regularly. Both good signs I think. No more sickness just a hideous cold & a teething ds. Now 6/7 weeks I think. Thinking of going for scan next week- all being well. Will be approx 7/8 wks. What do you girls think?

Here is to better days for all tomorrow xxxx

Scan next week sounds like a good plan to me cake, it will be very reassuring to see you little one :)

Hi y'all
sorry to hear about all the miserable days - hope you guys are taking it easy now.

good to hear an update from you cake, scan sounds like a good idea, but def good to wait as long as poss as you will have more chance of seeing something.

I had a manic day with swimming this arvo and then 2 exhausted girlies (plus me makes 3). I am cream crackered, which is making me SS. oh dear. Feel very bloated too which could just be AF gearing up. Anyway, hope everyone has early nights and - tomorrow is a new day!