After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Welcome Lou sorry to hear of your MC, lots of luck for next BFP!

jodidi not really pressured to be honest, I think it's just my dark sense of humour - which luckily DH shares! If it doesn't happen this month, at least I can drink wine and not think too much about it next month!

At last the sun is out today - doesn't it make everything generally better?! We are having major stresses in other areas of life at the moment (which is good in a way as takes focus off ttc). But I do find everything easier when sun is out!

ooh boo that sounds stressful but i know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. when trying to conceive no. 2 I was always watching my cycle, every day was checking for fertile signs and so when it was 'time' I would make DH dtd and it was depressing until he really got on board. The thought of going back to that pressured sex is stressful but really, if you don't dtd you won't make a baby so...!

Welcome lou - I had ablighted ovum in march so technically i was never pregnant but didn't find out till nearly 7 weeks, still loads of symptoms so didn't really know about it then didn't mc until 10 weeks. I was/am devastated - even though no baby ever grew i thought I had a baby on the way. This is how we all feel and why an mc, at whatever stage, is a terrible bereavement. I am sorry you went through it and welcome back to the, ahem, shag wagon?!

DS doesn't sleep any more and I am at the end of my tether! How do you talk a child who has just discovered bad dreams into sleeping?!

cross post boo glad you not that stressed :) No sun here though - is raining, raining! I love the rain though. Speaking of sun, booked 2 weeks in southern italy last night, in sept :) hurrah, can't wait to go in my lovely skirts and dresses with my BUMP anmd float around pompeii and amalfi in pregnant splendour :)

My eldest DD has just started having nightmares - it's horrific having the interrupted sleep, specially when you've just got used to having a proper night's sleep again. I seem to find if it's not one child waking, it's the other at the moment. Yawn!

Yes persuading DH to dtd when he is tired is NOT fun. At least I won't have to do that for a while (given that next month we are out of running). I've told him I don't need him anymore .

Hurrah for holiday wild !

yes, yes boo, it is AWFUL. I am sorry you having this too, and with two childers you must be shattered (why do I want another one again?!). I feel almost (not quite) like the early newborn days after two solid weeks of getting up 2/3 times a night and having to kip in with DS then being woken at 6am - he then spends the whole day totally shattered too. Wtf? Is all new terrain but he hasn't said he is scared of anything so don't want to bring it up in case i make an issue that wasn't there! hehe! And evenings are my work time. arf.

I know, sometimes DH and I ask why we want another one. Problem is, we really do! I think once you've been through that whole newborn thing, and then gradually got your sleep back, you become like a wild animal if it is taken away again (at least I do!). Luckily, I did find with DD2 that I was sleeping so badly by the end of pregnancy that it wasn't so bad to start getting up in the night again when she was born. Mind you, we did a lot of co-sleeping too, which was fab (was too nervous first time around).
It's hopeless if the kids are exhausted during the day too. It's so hard to know what to say to them - my DD (4) told me she didn't want to tell me what the dream was, because it was so scarey, and then revealed that a monster dragged her out of the house. I actually had a very similar dream as a child, so i can sympathise. But not sure how to address it. It is strange as she really likes scarey stories and films - but maybe that's got something to do with it. I have just been telling her that monsters don't exist and that I will always be here. It's not every night so hopefully the message is getting through.

You do very well to work in the evenings. I keep meaning to do more than flop exhausted in front of the TV but don't often seem to get round to it!

I so know what you mean about feeling like a wild animal about sleep. It doesn't help that even though I study on tues/weds/thurs I am always the one getting up to DS so DH still gets a night's sleep - even though he complains he is tired. This makes me actually snarl and am rather unpleasant - I hate who-gets-the-least-sleep fights ;0)

DS really likes scary stuff too, and it doesn't help that lots of 'U' certificate films have really scary chasy bits in and 'bad guys'. he's too little for that - it was the gruffalo that set him off :( He won't tell me what is up but if I ask if he is a bit scared at bed time he does say yes. I will have to start reassuring him more obviously I think.

i coslept with DS until he was 18 mths and we moved house :) still do really seeing as i spend nearly every night in bed with him at the mo (feels different in his bed rather than the family bed though!)

I went for a run! only 1.5 miles but I feel good for it and it is another post mc milestone reached :)

Hello Lou, welcome to the thread even though it's shit that we need this thread really
I'm so sorry you lost your baby, how are you and your partner feeling? There's absolutely no rule on how pregnant you were=more devastated etc, we all understand here, some of us are relatively ok, some are still struggling, we are all very supportive and bascially anything goes in here, it doesn't go any further than these 4 walls x looking forward to getting to know you.

Are you a teacher by any chance?! We for some strange reason seem to be overrun with them

I had a missed miscarriage 5 weeks ago on Sat, went for scan at 9 weeks and the baby hadn't progressed past 6 weeks. I'm just waiting for first period to turn up although had a crampy spotty bit on 4 week anniversary and wondered if I might be pregnant am far too scared to test.

Wimmins! I almost caved and bought a test yesterday. I was strong, you'd have been impressed!

Agree with daisy and jo. No rules, just be sure to take enough time and space to recover physically and emotionally.

hahaha

wild - how old is your DS? My DS1 was petrified of the Gruffalo, so we were recommended an alternative bedtime read - The Bear Snores On - which you can get with an interactive snoring button . This seemed to work a treat in terms of calming those Gruffalo bad dreams and when DH read it was difficult to distinguish between his snores and those from the book after 6 months of the same story!!

Ok, slight freak out moment - I've been having weird cramps for a few hours, much lower down than usual AF cramps. Has anyone ever had implantation pain? I'm also having very slight twinges on my left side. Either that or my UTI hasn't cleared up
Welcome lou

Daisy I too admire your willpower! :)

hee I had three days of implantation cramping with my last pg, then it just went. Even though that pg mc'ed the cramps weren't to do with that, the cramping that led to the mc was a different type. everything was ok at implantation. How many dpo are you now?

Very admiring of your willpower daisy! Really, really am, i would have tested by now! please test!

I bought myself some opks and pg tests online this morning! hehe, after saying I was going to be all laid back about it :) I only have one hpt to see if I get a BFN tomorrow but am worried if it is positive I would have to go to the shop to buy more and that would be expensive and a bit sad (i want to go to get sticks for a BFP! not a boring rubbish sad BFN). And the opks... well, I really want to have a good shot at it next month and they worked well for us before (as a guideline, still bd'ed every 2/3 days). Have decided this month is out as I need to work, have time to recup after the mc and anyway, DH and I are so stressed with work any BDing time is unlikely! not at all secretly hoping that taking my eye off the ball will result in a surprise BFP

Am finding it impossible to work :( Am distracted, unable to concentrate and just can't bring myself to care enough to work full pelt. I haven't even got a BFN yet. This is Not Good and i am going to get in a lot of trouble :( were you guys all ok and normal at work two weeks after?

wilder Did the cramping feel different to normal AF cramping? This is a very odd feeling. I am 7 dpo. My mc was over 7 weeks ago now and I still can't concentrate at work :( At first it was the upset but now it is more my obsession with getting pg again. I do recommend going to your GP if it carries on - mine has been a big help.

thanks hee. I might go tomorrow and if they say no to a sicknote (i don't want to be sick, just a week or two saving grace for uni pressure. I don't earn any money so...) they say no and I just have to get on with it. As it is I feel such a sense of achievement today for going for a run and spending the day in my study (was last in here pg) and rifling through my papers and foing planning. I ought to be writing about 1000 words a day though :(

Erm IIRC the cramping was more in my back than AF cramping, kind of like muscle ache. I also got Ov pains since I stopped Bfing DS so it was like them. I got it on days 6,7,8 then it just vanished, not like af pains at all in that sense. I tested on day 10 as I figured if they were implantation pains the HCG would have doubled and be present then and got a BFP. i don't know how helpful I am though seeing as it mc'ed.

ice thanks for that - he is 2.5, I shall look into it! we need happy stories with nice robots, owls, bees, bears and monsters!

hee I had cramping and a teeeeeeeeeny spotting bit on Fri night/sat/Sun morning. Could be as my body thought it should be having period as the Sat was 4 wks since the mc, could be.. ummm... something else that I am not going to write down and no wilde stop encouraging me!!

I did have some cramps when I was first pregnant with Widget but no spotting, but it wasn't before I found out I was pg, so not sure if that can be counted as implantation? (was about 5 days after bfp)

ooh girls I am getting excited at the thought of cramping etc (that sounds weird but you know what I mean). I've never had it myself so can't contribute, but, well, Daisy and hee, good luck!!! Totally understand why you aren't testing Daisy, I'd be the same. but go on

at who-gets-the-least-sleep fights wild - we have those! You are right - they are awful and totally pointless! and well done for the run!!

Hi ladies, thankyou for your warm welcomes and fx for you all for those BFP's.
some days for unknown reasons i struggle more with MC ut appears to be normal.
I am not a teacher so am breaking the chain but opening it with a dental nurse ( my poor child ;-) ) so any advice i can offer in this department am all ears xxxx

yay another non-teacher!

Af arrived this morning :( SO that's 4 weeks and 4 days since the mc. Seems to be normal-ish. I thought I might be more upset about it but I'm surprisingly ok.

I've never had any cramping/spotting with any of my pg, I generally don't get any symptoms at all. But fx for Daisy and Hee. I am jealous of the possibilities but very hopeful for you both.

wild we're having who-had-the-least-sleep fights too. We get a little visitor most nights around 3/4am and she helps herself to booby which wakes me up properly while dp continues sleeping, but then when she wakes up for the day she demands daddy gets up to give her breakfast (I've got her well trained ) so I think we're normally equally hard done by. Definitely go and get another sick note for uni. I was back at work 2 weeks after but definitely not concentrating fully and back to normal. I still don't think I'm back to normal really, I find myself daydreaming and dwelling on things whenever there is a dull bit in a lesson (there shouldn't be any dull bits ) and my planning/marking has gone out of the window so my lessons are nowhere near as good as normal.

In other news, my head of department has got another job starting in September, and they have decided it is too late to advertise his job this year. So we are going to be understaffed in my dept rather than overstaffed so I'm now not going to be teaching any ICT, I'm going to be picking up some A level maths groups and some other groups. They'd better not be the shit groups again or I might end up properly long term depressed and leave. I've had 2 years of all the rubbish groups and am completely sick of it.

Another non-teacher here. I'm a computer geek :)

ooh AF already Jodidi? how is it if that's not tmi of a question?! have read horror stories of ultra heavy soaking through pads in an hour

I have to go to the shops later and I think I am going to buy a test....

It's fine Daisy. It's a little bit heavier than normal but not much, and I'm normally pretty light so a bit heavier is not really that much of a problem. I had heard horror stories of it being really heavy so I've been wearing a pad as well as a tampon, as I can't imagine anything worse than soaking through a pad at work in front of a class full of teenagers (I can imagine lots of things that are worse actually, but it would be pretty embarrassing). The pads haven't been necessary, the tampons are coping with it fine.

I would do a test if I was you. The cheap ones from the pound shop are just as accurate as the more expensive ones afaik. They're what I've used every time.

Sorry jo I didn't see your post last night. My first AF was very heavy, I felt very nervous at work with it.
I hope your classes work out, it must be difficult looking atfer a class full when you are not feeling your best.

... oh and good luck with your test daisy!