After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Yup happy couple Daisy! am so happy for them too, and i did congratulate them loads it just took me completely by surprise, they work in the media so I really thought they might have a mystery celeb guest! hehe! Everyone else had already guessed! The baby bit was ok, it was the scan pic and the due date that got me. i had planned to 'come out' at that wedding, knowing i would be nearly 12 weeks and my bump would be obvious anyway. Instead I was cowering in the corner being pissed and very unpregnant!

nah, I don't know that they would have known about me, I don't think they probably know anyone who has had an mc or they wouldn't do that. Just that innocence you have when you got pregnant easily (they got pg straight away expecting it to take a while hence being pg at their wedding!) and think everyone else can too. It's a lovely innocence. i just need to toughen up and get the fuck over it sort my head out a bit and maybe lay low for longer than I thought. This is becoming the worst bereavement I have ever had and it is taking me by surprise, plus DH is starting to tire of me being mardy.

Also, I have turned down a meet up with my NCT group as two of them are pg (that I know of) and one is the mardy 'accident, not broody' lady. One of them is my best friend up here, 30 weeks pg, but can't bear to see her and her huge bump and lumbering about and just being so bloody pregnant. Is this normal or am I being weird? I dunno when I should start to feel I can cope again. am embarrassed, stressed and feel like a right cow :(

Early days yet, there's no rule that says after say a month you should be "over it".

be kind to yourself and don't feel guilty for pulling out of stuff if you have to.

aw thanks daisy . I am trying to work on mumsnet and faffing trying to download Word since my computer crashed and i lost it for the first time in a month and taking this as a Good Sign of Progress

are you still secretly symptom spotting? when is your af due, is it any day?! We should start a stats thread i am thinking because me memory is just shocking :) I shall make one up, feel free to alter/add!

Erm.

Wilderumpus-1mmc-ttc#2-cycle#1

[la la la la la I'm not listening!]

i hear you lady, I hear you. Fingers very quietly crossed though x

no further cramping or spots/splodges. Was most likely down to the body thinking it was supposed to come on, it being 4 weeks to the day, but forgetting that a mc had happened so it was a bit early?

hmmm... who knows? If it were me I woould be excited but not testing (because I have longer rather than shorter cycles anyway), but also reciting 'it's wtf month' wtf month' to stop getting my hopes up (but i would be very hopeful tbh - I am v hopeful for you!). Is it normal for you to have 4 week cycles?

i don't know whether to start dating my lmp from when I mc'ed in hospital on the fri or when i passed my last bit of tissue (guessing was the placenta bit) on the sunday. Only two days difference but it makes all the difference in this game! Confuddled.

I have a hideous rash on the left side of my neck. Look like bug bites and veeery hot and itchy. Putting it down to stress as not allergic to anything and haven't changed any products of late. meh!

well since I was on the pill yes, as it was forced, but before that was normally 32-34. wtf cycle indeed!

I don't think they count mc day one as CD1 hence the confusion and why some people get an af bang on 4 weeks others it's 5 6 7 8 9 weeks. I think I read somewhere that the kind of mc management makes a diff to it as well, and also how far along you were/level hormones would have been/length of time it takes to go down.

I am tempted to test I shan't lie but the fact we are so skint that I cannot in good faith even waste £1 on a Poundshop test is helping!!

Your will power is inspirational Daisy!! I have promised DH I wont test until I am a week late to avoid future potential upset over v early mc, I think I OVd yesterday and am already having to give myself stern talking toos about waiting to POAS!

If I have not come on by next payday then I will test. I'm not superhuman

Will power indeed! Blimey!

chuckle - we appear to be on similar time line. I think I ov'd over the weekend too. I suspect I won't have anything like Daisy's willpower and will be testing on the 20th as there is a boozy lunch time do that day - well, that's my excuse anyway...

wild - glad you made it through the wedding. It will get easier (I'm now 4-5 weeks since mc actually occurred, would have had 12 week scan this week....), but certain things still get me. Acquaintance at school gates brought in her 10 day old this afternoon. I looked and made the right noises, but felt like running off. Left playgroup early again too - too many bumps and newborns. Hey ho. We will all get there in the end.

Nearly 6pm - - cheers.

daisy the hosp told me to do a pg test two weeks after the medical management and it should be neg, and to count the med management day as day one of my cycle, but because i didn't pass everything on that day (as they thought I had) I wonder if really I didn't mc till sunday, when it was over. All details really but just like to know stuff so can obsess ponder over when i might ov etc! i just have to wait for the spotting to go and some EWCM and then I shall know what is going on I hope :) i don't know if I shall try tio make a baby this month tho even though it is all i can think about, it all still feels very raw and am quite down and don't want to start a new pg that way.

Am also very inspired by your willpower but am being just the same :) I have ONE pg test for when i have to get my BFN (please, please be negative) and then I have to walk the 20 mins it takes to get to asda to get any more when I think it might be worth it (when am overdue). Normally I have got a job lot of ICs from ebay and tested every day, twice a day from 6dpo because i was crackers, impatient and excited. now i know I just gave myself longer to know everything was tits up.

thanks for the reassurance ice. Am just avoiding all bumps, even my best friend up here, tho that is also because I am fed up of parenting her unruly toddler while she sits and rubs her bump. small very unreasonable grr.

! (well, virtually)

Hi ladies, great to hear from you all. wilde the wedding sounds hideous. Oh to be so innocent & excited. Wouldn't that be wonderful?! No offence taken about smug pg-ness. Am most def not smug. Am frightened & don't even think I've said the words out loud "I'm pregnant". Just showed DH the test & said to my mum "it's positive", I think it is self preservation. I won't let myself think about it or believe it (prob not healthy!). Am in denial, unlike last time where I was stupidly reading a second baby book, looking at double strollers & planning. Ridiculous!

daisy fingers & toes crossed. Test when you are ready, later the better I reckon.
wilde there is no time limit on grief. Be kind to yourself.

We are all different. I was 7 weeks & had a complete natural mc but If it helps anyone I had EWCM on days 12-15 from when spotting began (days 7-10 from heavy blood & 'product' loss). We started ttc again on day 15. I reckon if you want to concieve 1st cycle then every couple of days from when bleeding stops should give you good odds.

Much love xxx

Wow loads to catch up on.
Daisy I am in awe of your willpower too. I haven't had an af yet either, and it's been 4 weeks and 2 days since my mc. I did a test this morning and it was bfn :( Not that we've been trying, but I still hoped it might happen.

Wild that truly sounds awful, I'm very impressed that you walked rather than ran out of the room, and kept the tears in til you got to the loos. I'm not sure I could have managed that. Good for you getting back to work.

cake It's perfectly natural to be frightened. I think I would be in denial too if I was pg, which I won't be as dp doesn't want to try again :(

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm going out with friends on Sat to celebrate and hopefully get back to enjoying something. Problem is, one of them has just announced on fb today that she is pg, and her due date is 2 weeks after mine should have been. I don't know if I can cope with her being there, but I don't really want to cancel as it's my birthday and I haven't been out for ages.

Happy birthday jo! And what a bugger about your friend :( I completely, completely empathise as I am actively avoiding good friends who are pg, i just cannot be around pregnancy and pregnancy related chat at the mo. I have no idea what I would do, though because it was a social situation based around me I would go, have a great time and drink too much just because FOR NOW I can. does she/they know about your mc? am sure if so they would be sensitive... ?

thanks for your concern cake. i have decided to take my actual mc day (nearly two weeks ago) as when I should start my recovery, rather than when I found out (nearly 5 weeks ago) and so am not being so hard on myself.

I feel better today. I had another, different health related appt today but that went well and am so relieved and know I am 'well' so yay. Have decided to avoid pg people and not to beat myself up about it but just tell myself my grief is still too raw, and it won't be forever. I have arranged to see a dear, very very sick friend on Monday and am going to london to see my (happily not pregnant) bezzies for a eurovision party on the 26th, sans husband and toddler :). this will help me focus with work and just makes my life seem happier and more normal.

Have also lost my 'baby weight' of 3lbs hurray.

wild - at wedding. Mystery guest? wtf?! MC aside, I can't abide people who fling their scan pics around. It just seems too personal, and too presumptious some how. Maybe it's just me, but - yuck. I can imagine that was particularly hard to stomach after MC as well, poor you!

wow sounds like a few of you might be testing soon!? Like chuckle and icequeen I think I ovd at the weekend. So 2 ww for me! I am NOT going to obsess, or test for at least 2 weeks (unfortunately a friend gave me 6 tests so they are hanging around in my closet...).

Happy Birthday for tomorrow Jodidi!

Afternoon ladies, just catching up. I am now 6 days post ov so well in to 2ww. Fertility friend says I did everything at the right time so heres hoping...
wilder Sorry you had to go through that at the wedding, I would have cried too. Sounds like you did well under the circumstances.
jodidi Happy birthday!
... and those on 2ww - good luck!

Happy birthday Jodidi :)

Thank you for your birthday wishes. I was woken up this morning at 5:45 by a small child singing "Happy Birthday" very loudly and enthusiastically, just a shame she couldn't have waited another hour or so. She also presented me with a huge box of chocolates and a card.

Here's hoping for you Hee

wild I do think you need to give yourself plenty of recovery time, and avoiding pregnant people seems to be the best. If you don't feel better in a few weeks you can always join me in going to get counselling. I have an appt with the gp on Friday afternoon so will find out then what happens next. My friend doesn't know about the mc, I almost told her a fortnight ago and I think I'm glad now that I didn't as it would only have worried her about her baby too. I am really happy for her, but I'm miserable for me, I want my baby.

awwwww that is ultra cute I miss that, now I am lucky if they remember it's my birthday never mind think about posting a card!

Happy birthdays jo, hope you have had a good day.

Dh managed to dort himself out and sorted me out last night and all I could think was 'It too late now you bastard" but as he doesn't know anything about opks and cm and thinks we're being random I had to grin and bear it (not that it was a chore you understand, just I couldn't vent my frustrations)

Hope everyone having good days and the
two week waits are stress free!

jodidi I'm glad to hear you are going to your GP about conselling. I have an appointment for my referral next week too. Also, what a lovely way to be woken up :)

sorry should have typed TODAY in not tomorrow, Jodidi! Yes you obviously have your DD very well trained - but you just need to work on timing now!

Chuckle I totally sympathise. I told DH in advance that if "I got that fing smiley face he was going to fing put out". I came back early from a weekend away to dtd! Luckily, he was true to his word, but even then it did take some persuading and I was slightly at the end of my tether! Yes, romance is officially dead. I have realised that next month during likely fertile time I am away without DH, so just to add more pressure.... breaaaaaathe.

May i join too? gorgeous 4 year old daughter. Been trying for her a baby brother or sister for 11months. march 2012 had a BFP and all excited only to miscarry i know at only 6 weeks but thoroughly devastated as took 3 years trying for DD. In meantime plenty of shagging and limiting wineconsumption but giving us all hopes for our BFP following our devastating times xx

Welcome lou. I don't think theres any rule about how devastating a mc is, I think it's hard however early it is. Lots of shagging is definitely the way forward.

chuckle it's hard when it's the wrong time to be dtd isn't it. If it makes you feel any better last time I fell pg we didn't dtd at the 'right' time either. We only did it once in 2 months and it was a supposedly infertile time

boo that sounds like a lot of pressure you are putting on both of you. Sorry you are going away without dh during next fertile window. I hope your 'window' happens early or late so you can make the most of it.