After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

oh jo - please go home and rest if you can, like daisy said don't be a martyr :( here, have some

chuckle really shit about having two mc in a row. I didn't remember that - you have some too. EOD is lots of shagging, I agree, but not really if you are only doing it for ten days - and then only 2 or THREE days (doesn't have to be EOD...). I know what you mean about starting too early and running out of steam! This is why bloody ttc is such a head fuck, it's all the timing! This is where watching the ol' cm comes into its own you see :)

Hmm I don't know if I am ready for another pg mentally, but all I can think about that is exciting is that the bleeding has almost stopped and I should have a BFN next weekend ... which means I might be only a week away from a shiny new eggy... and the thought of a happy pregnancy and baby is so exciting! But this all runs contrary to what I really think which is to wait because I am not sure if being pg so soon would be wise. What if I confuse the babies up? what if I think the new one is dead just because I am used to thinking that? I want them to be different... but then will I always be frightened of being pg now? Hmmf, can, worms, all over the place

chuckle I never waited four bleeding hours to go for my opk wee and still got positives. I didn't drink loads of cups of tea in the run up to it either, but you know, stay hydrated!

I didn't go home, I stayed and taught my normal lessons AND an extra revision session after school for the kids who are trying really hard but struggling. I made it through without crying again. I think I might go to bed as soon as I get dd2 to sleep, I'm exhausted which can't be helping with being over emotional. I also feel like af is due, which may be part of what set me off today. I suppose it's been nearly 4 weeks since the mc so it could be.

Well done jo, that's dedication!!

I had a kick in the teeth today, I have been asked to take on a load of extra responsibility (for no extra money :( ) to cover a colleague when she goes on mat leave in September......i was due at the start of September so I shouldn't be there :( :(. :(

Good news is I managed to not have a brew or a wee for 4 hours this afternoon (though test was negative) so am pretty chuffed with myself ( I drink a lot of tea and consequently wee often)

hope everyone has nice plans for the weekend, or at least plans!!! Its the wedding this weekend isn't it wilde? Enjoy!! Lazy one for the chuckle family, fingers crossed for some sunshine.

Oh chuckle thats so sad :( I have just missed out on promotion but I'm finding it hard to care as my mind is on other things.
I got my positive OPKs backed up my a temp rise this morning - yay! I'm panicking now though because I have a UTI and have been prescribed antibiotics (cefalexin) to take in the 2ww. I'm so so scared now that if I have conceived it will harm the baby :(
Oh there is always something isn't there :(

Oh Chuckle that's horrible :(. Hope you are ok. Enjoy your lazy weekend.

Hee AFAIK antibiotics should be safe for any baby, especially in the 2ww as the placenta hasn't formed yet so it is not really affected by anything in your blood.

I may have stayed at work yesterday but I stayed at home today and did absolutely nothing. I sat on mn and did nothing productive all day. I think I might go and see the gp next week as I do think I might need some help coping.

hey everyone
I had a nice bit of free time today though ended up spending a fair bit of it cleaning the house. Though I did catch up with some old friends this morning and talked to one about MC - she is having probs with fertility so it was quite good to share really.

chuckle that's crap. Hopefully you will be going on mat leave yourself not shortly after?

hee very satisfying temp & opk co-ordination! Can you check about the antibiotics (I've no idea myself). You are right - there is always something to worry about!

jo hope you are ok - it might be a good idea to go to GP - do you have a sympathetic one? Take it easy.

I am expecting a positive opk any day now - a bit annoying as DH is working all weekend. I am worried I am one of those who they don't work for but so far my temps are also down, so that's in line. I think I am stressing about it too much tbh so I will probably be disrupting the old system.

Hope everyone has lovely relaxing weekends - and fun at the wedding Wild!

4 weeks ago today

And I feel weird. Like crampy and about to come on-ey, had right hand cramps twinges in bed last night. Like before. And my pee smells like it did before. And I keep smelling things from far away, like before.

[too scared to actually do anything about it though]

And the insomnia is back with a vengeance. Like before....

Do you need to do a test Daisy? I'm very crampy and about to come on y too, and it's 4 weeks tomorrow for me :(

probably...

teeniest tiniest bit of a spotting...

Do you want to do a test? Or do you want to wait a while to see if af comes? I desperately want to be pg but we haven't been trying (not doing anything to stop it either though) so I would be waiting, but I know that's not the same for everyone.

daisy it was 4 weeks since my mc that I tested positive again. II was going to wait longer but really wanted a glass of wine so thought I'd better check. It all depends on how you feel emotionally.

All ok here it's been 12 days since BFP (is that all?!?!) I have done 3 more tests. 2 clear blue a week apart that went from 1-2 since conception to 2-3 and another first response (4 days after first) which was a lot darker so I felt reassured that HCG rising. So, so far so good. I'm obviously nervous & knicker checking. Had some waves of nausea & sore boobs but desperate for them to kick in properly to reassure me. I think I'm approx 5 weeks now but know period means is a guess. Got referral for early scan but decided to wait 3 weeks (all being well) so we should see something. Wouldn't want the uncertainty of a real early scan. In the meantime no more tests and waiting to feel totally wiped, sore boobs & sick!!! (symptoms never really got off ground with mc of and hit @ 6 ish weeks with dc)

Have been thinking about you all. Hope you are all ok & managing. I know people have a lot going on but a busy mind doesn't have time to dwell on sad times. Keep chins up girls xxx

Xxx

Daisy - how are you doing?

good to hear from you cakeplease :) fingers crossed for your scan, I bet you are crapping yourself very sad that mc means that any future pregnancy is tainted from the start with worry

nothing to report hear, a leeeetle splodge of brown blood, welled up at the end of Mulan (noted for being a cold hearted bitch who didn't cry at marley and me!!)
No intention of testing until at least 6 months late

Evening everyone. I've had a lovely weekend with my baby cousin, not upsetting as I feared, just really lovely and relaxing. I cant wait to have my own

I have been taking antibiotics since Friday now for my UTI and they have made me feel dreadful. I never thought to ask about side effects but I will in future - nausea, dizzy and I'm sure a changed sense of smell. If I wasn't so early in my cycle I would think I was pregnant again!

DH and I have just been to the cinema with DH which was nice and now I'm going to relax for the evening. No though unfortunately.

daisy Those symptoms sound familiar :)
cake Great to hear you can get an early scan - did they take much convincing?

Just noticed that post was full of mistakes. I will blame the side effects for that

daisy totally understand the waiting 6 months to test! Keep us posted but if this isn't your month it soon will be.

heehee glad you had a good wknd. Hope antibio clear UTI up soon. What film did you see? DH wants to see American pie this wk :s
Re. Scan they took no convincing, didnt Even have to ask GP v. Sympathetic, gave me referral there & then saying to wait 2 weeks and take another test then drop into EPU Btwn 9-12 on a day of my convenience. Couldn't have asked for more. Very reassuring & helpful, assured me that as soon as bleeding stopped bleeding primed & ready to go again. Felt better coming out of appt. it's bn 2 weeks but think I'm approx 5weeks so going to wait another 2 in the hope that if 'viable' I'll see something there won't be that uncertainty. As I haven't had a period it will be difficult to date & don't want a 'empty sac, dates wrong, wait a week' situation. Was a BO last time and at 7 weeks just an empty sac.
Will keep you posted ladies, your support is invaluable. Here's hoping you are joining me soon. Fertile, sticky vibes to all of you & sticky ones to me!
:D

hey ladies. cake that sounds excellent and super sensible re: scan. I would never have one before 7 weeks either, maybe even 8 just in case.

daisy ooooh. If I thought I had symptoms i think I would have to test! but that is because i always have symptoms even when I am NOT pg :)

chuckle that is shit for you about work. Fucking shit tits.

jo are you ok? glad you are thinking of going to the docs;do, do, do.

I had a nice weekend, friends talked about the mc to me and expressed their sadness and it was so sweet to realise how much people care about us. The wedding was fun though i did feel weird all the time, like it was some kind of test of how normal I can be. I did ok, just ignored the smug bumps and drank mah boozy.

I have had two kicks in the teeth though :( At the wedding the speeches finished with the introduction of a mystery guest and a five foot squared image of a 12 week scan on a projector screen, emblazoned onto my eyeballs and gasps of pleasure and joy reverberating around my overwhelmed brain. due date two weeks before mine would have been, I would have been 11+5. sent me off to the loo as I just couldn't stop myself from bursting into very dramatic tears though did hold it together enough to walk and not run out! Cried my bloody eyes out, then drank lots of wine and smoked fags and danced. It was awful. Then just now a friend has grumpily announced her new pregnancy on fb - it was an accident and she wasn't even broody and is panicking about it. Tho, thankkfully, the ms has worn off and she has more energy now and is due 7 nov. FUCK the FUCK OFF. I hate myself for these feelings, I hate crying when I am otherwise fine, I hate feeling so unexpectedly sad and low just because other people are living their life. what is this? will it go? I can't do much but survive at the moment I think. I am a sad robot :( what to do eh?

bet you're glad I'm back eh? Soooooo sorry to dump :( Am just completely unable to tell any one else because they don't get it. hmm. sorry!

Hope everyone had good long weekends. How was the wedding wilde?

I managed to figure out those darn tricky OPK sticky things and am pretty sure I got my positive with them on Sunday. Sadly DH was 'too tired' on Sunday and too fucking drunk couldnt be bothered last night (and I am trying not to be all stressy and desperate so I didnt dare shout 'but I'm FERTILE' at him) so looks like no baby chuckle this month . He did manage to find the energy to do me Friday so I suppose there is an outside chance which will keep me stressing nicely on the 2ww which begins now I suppose! Its DH's 30th birthday next week and I really wanted to give him a +ve test as a present.

Thanks for the fertile and sticky vibes cake - sending sticky vibes back!!! PLease can Hubby have some 'willing and able' vibes in about 4 weeks?!?!

Cross post wilde - sending you the biggest of big hugs. A fucking projected image of a scan picture??! I am almost in tears just thinking about it, I cant imagine having to sit and look at it. You have every right to feel . The only thing that keeps me going when I am repeatdely trampled on is that if when I have my baby I will truly appreciate every little bit of it in a way I think other people (non-sufferers!) can't.

btw i was utterly delighted for the parents to be; my sadness was solely because I am still grieving for myself, not about anyone else :) So complicated, but i think about how when my dad died it was different because people didn't shout to me about their brilliant, alive, thriving dads, they didn't show me pictures of their dads, I wasn't asked questions about brilliant lovely alive dads by mutual friends while other friends walk around happily rubbing their dads in front of me. It was much more manageable!

friday is in with a good chance chuckle. FWIW I apparently concieved DS 6 days after we bd'd.

thanks for the sympathy. it was fucking horrendous and it still makes me cry! projector screen! scan! My shitty empty gestational sac! chuh.

ps cake and any one else here, you are NOT included in my rant about pg-ness. You guys are about the only people in the world I could be happy for at the mo! Probably because you could not be smug, it cannot be possible after a mc, or take it for granted, which are the attitudes that make me sad and exactly how I was with my first pg, what a twat x

Horrific [shakes head]
The happy couple I am guessing? Did they know about your mc beforehand? if so seems a bloody shitty thing to have planned to do