After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

jo please do stick around! I am not ttc at the mo either seeing as only just mc so we are an odd bag of allsorts :)

did you find it harder to lose weight while BF jo? I heard that for some people your body works hard to keep hold of babyweight while BF... I lost lots of weight very gradually but also ate a lot! Now I am trying to get used to the fact that I don't need to eat as much or feel as hungry but habits of eating so often throughout the day, and whatever I fancy are sooooo hard to break after three years. I joined weight loss resources jo, is just a diary thing but means I don't have to calorie count in my head and is good to work out where you might be going wrong (my healthy eating day yesterday had too much fat in it apparently! Am having to re-learn 'healthy'!)

A few stone will be easy to lose psychologically as it should come off quickly to start and be very encouraging :)

hee my last opk (for the mc pregnancy) didn't have a completely dark line but was strong enough for 'me' - you will work out what is strong for you in time. Over my fertile time I would do two a day so i didn't miss the surge. you could be having a 'gearing up' surge, you might get little near-positives as your body starts to release bursts of LH for ov soon. and btw my friend never got a pos but did get pregnant :) I found the poas site really helpful in understanding ov sticks.

am doing well today, have taken DS to the childminder which is a good walk away, my bleeding is petering out nicely and I have some energy. nice but don't think I will work today (back next week but want to get back early to make up time... but not today )

I was planning on sticking around, as long as nobody thinks I'm wierd or anything

I don't know whether my issues with my weight are more to do with still bf or the pcos or the chocolate addiction. The only 'diet' that has ever worked for me is Slimming World and a lot of vitamins (to try and regulate the pcos). My health kick started well, I have been to the gym again today but found it harder this week than last week as I can hardly breathe through my nose due to my horrid cold. I have eaten a huge bag of crisps and half a cheesecake really healthily all day.

Good to hear about all the health kicks. I am now back on track - though a few months behind if you know what I mean. I would like to lose a stone, I reckon I put on about half a stone each pregnancy. I am not really sure about bf losing weight - it may have helped but my boobs were so enormous they seemed to keep my weight high! It certainly did not drop off! I did lose a lot by exercising (a lot) and a good diet (no cakes) after the babies were born, but after my dad died a year ago I first lost some weight and then started comfort eating, so have got into a bit of a bad habit. I really didn't want to start off being overweight and pg, so I had been doing quite well until the MC.

God I have been really down the last couple of days. I had to interview a mother whose child was murdered (for work), and it was just so so sad. Nothing more to say about it really, but just heart breakingly awful.

Anyway, I am hoping that with better diet and exercise my mood will improve. I went to yoga and cycled 12 miles to work and back today so .

It's good to hear all your opk experience. I have been doing them and no positive yet, but it's good to know the line might not be really dark. I am temping too so hoping that will clarify things. I think we'd better get on with dtd though otherwise I might miss it.

Hope everyone else is well and that we'll get some sunshine to inspire our health kicks!

jeez boo that sounds dreadful :( Did I see you were a writer or have i got that confuddled?

I am not doing well today (already) DS was up lots in the night (why, child why?!) and i am really sore around my abdomen and just, everywhere, like I went to the gym yesterday. Also bleeding and cramping stepped up a bit in the night which scared me a bit, so think this all points to the fact I overdid it yesterday. I have asked DH to take DS to the childminder's today, I just cannot get dressed am so tired let alone walk two miles etc. Unfortunately I still have to get DS dressed and breakfasted and entertained until 9.30 when really i need to be asleep but, that's kiddiewinkles for you.

Am quite upset to be going backwards in my recovery :( Is a weird pyschological blow, and makes me feel weak and pathetic. meh.

jo mind exercising when you are ill, lady!

boo that sounds so sad :(
wilder I overdid it a bit a few days after my MC by going running for the first time ever. I ended up feeling really faint and going to the doctors that afternoon. Best not to overdo it I think. I was surprised how long I felt sluggish for. Thanks for the info on the ov sticks. It is reasurring to know that it isn't just me with no clear positive.
I'm extra confused by them today. I have now had three days running of quite dark lines. My temp has risen a bit two days in a row but not by a huge amount. Maybe I'm doing it wrong!

hee thanks for sharing your experience - I was so gutted this morning that it was still all dragging on. Felt pathetic and guilty for having to rope DH in to do the chilminder run when he is out at work and I am in my dressing gown. Again! I really expected to be back at work today but no.

Yesterday I was thinking of going for a run today or tomorrow . I most definitely won't seeing as I just got up from a two hour nap. Feel better but still sore and overtired, like an ill person. I dont do ill . I tell you what keeps annoying me is remembering how before the mm the dr said this will jujst be like any other heavy period and I will be back on my feet straight away like after a normal period. I Think NOT Dr lady! Does make me feel lazy even though, thanks to MN, I know actually mc takes it out of you for a while. This is no normal period.

got to pack for going to the rellies and wedding tomorrow! exciting times! After a cup of tea :)

You might have to take month one of the opks as a dummy run to see how dark your dark line gets.

confession: looked at the AN club thread earlier. What. A. Twat.

STOP IT!

Nothing good that way lies.

(xx)

Boo That really does sound awful :( But well done for cycling 12 miles!! That would take me all day, possibly all week.

Wild Honestly, this is definitely not just like a heavy period. It is much worse than that, and it is perfectly normal to be sore and feel ill (but remember some people actually do feel sore and ill every month, it must be awful). DO NOT LOOK AT AN CLUB THREADS!!!! It only makes you feel miserable (and possibly angry/annoyed depending who has been posting). Have fun at the wedding this weekend, I hope the inlaws spoil you and ds rotten. Do I remember you sil has just had a baby that you will be seeing?

I was planning on going to the gym on my way home this afternoon, but still have a blocked nose and think I possibly wasn't wise trying to exercise when just breathing is quite difficult. So I came home to come on mn mark some books instead. Good job actually as I had 9 laptops in my car and don't think it would be the best idea in the world to leave them outside the gym (in the car, but they don't all fit in the boot so some were on back seat in full view).

jo have you been on the rob for laptops?! Nine?! Glad you skip[ped the gym today, it isn't really that beneficial to exercise when you are run down IME.

thanks for my slapping and telling off ladies! I don't know what comes over me sometimes. I don't feel miserable, mostly narked but that probably stems from misery I don't acknowledge I mean, what is with the list of scan appts and smiley faces by the ones that have, so far, gone well? What happens to the unhappy ones, do they get a sad face?! and has nothing to do with anyone bar moi, being a nosy twonk.

Glad you lurking about daisy :) are you ok?

It is worse than a period isn't it?! i was gutted when the dr said that in front of DH because I had been building it up to him about how awful I will feel, then she breezily says that and I was so worried he might think am an awful lazy skiver not just bouncing back. Luckily he doesn't even though I do.

I ate loads of crap today because I felt mardy and ill, but then had a miraculous recovery and managed to walk to get DS.

My womb feels really odd, really very sensitive like round ligament pain and like i can feel it bobbling about in my pelvis when I walk! wtf, must be shrinking pains.

sorry, really scatty today - yep yep seeing my lickle newborn neice on Friday jo. happily am not affected by the mc in that way so just can't wait to have a cuddle and sil will be a super duper mum so am very happy, although I am sure it will ramp up my broodiness and general irritation that I can't concieve again just yet!

hello everyone! I read the posts earlier on but have waited to reply on my laptop.

Wild - I know what you mean about going backwards, although my actual MC happened all at once, I do feel that emotionally I am swinging a bit. I actually feel incredibly premenstrual, although I should be ovulating in the next day or so. I don't recall feeling like this during ovulation but I have never really dwelt on it so much before. It's so easy to over think things isn't it? Anyway, I think it's not so much going backwards as just dealing with it, which might involve a few steps forward, one back, etc, until you are 100%. I think it's important to listen to your body (emotionally and physically) to fully heal.

I also sympathise about the sleep - my DD2 has been up at 4 or 5 am for 2 days running. I hate lack of sleep sooooo much. It makes me eat more, feel depressed, feel tired, be clumsy & dysfunctional.... etc etc. I was a zombie at work on tuesday. Oh and yes I am a broadcast journalist actually - so I was doing an interview for work, about a very sad but important story.

hee - at least you've lines on the OPKs! So far I've drawn a blank. What with also feeling a bit emotional I am wondering whether I am just going to have a freakishly short cycle & get AF instead. But on the other hand I thought I detected some EWCM so maybe ovulation is round the corner. DH is out tomorrow and friday night and working all weekend, so I just hope he has some energy for DTD when he gets back (unlikely)! In fact, I was due to stay at my mum's on sat night but if I get my positive that day maybe I should come back home & jump (!) on DH. For those more experienced, are you supposed to DTD on the day you get your positive OPK? Or is it a 48 hour window? I must have read it somewhere but now I can't remember.

Jo the cycle is very flat and easy and I do it 3 days a week so it really seems to make no difference to my weight. booooo. Also I am assuming the laptops belong to your school? Though your comment did make me chuckle, Wild.

Daisy hope you are ok - I was thinking about you.

Me and DH are off out tonight (so the health kick was shortlived is going to resume itself tomorrow morning). And despite DH working all weekend I've got Friday off, and part of it without the DDs so I can have a nice relaxing time - looking forward to it already.

Lots for me to read here, and on a tiny screen!! I am getting used to phone now and am attempting a gaff free post tonight!

Am feeling put to shame by other peoples health kicks, I need to lose about half a stone to get back to where I was at Christmas when I got pregnant, I am another eating for 2 enthusiast and worry if I get pg now I will balloon. With dd I put on 5 stone during pg and was horrified when this tiny 7lb baby popped out and I was over 4 stone up on pre pg weight!! I just can't bear exercise though....

I have been reading the sperm meets egg plan tonight and am exhausted just thinking about it. I don't think we'll manage every other night as she suggests but its fun to try! Going to start peeing on my opk sticks tomorrow which is quite exciting (simple things) even though my gut feeling is that i won't ov until the end of next week.

Hope everyone is having a good evening. Time for a tiny and the apprentice now, happy days!

No wild I haven't been robbing laptops They belong to school. I go out to our feeder primaries and teach ICT, each school gets 9 weeks. Today was my last session with this school so I have to bring all the old and shitty laptops home and store them in my house til I start at the next school next week.

wild your AN club sounds worse than due in Oct. They didn't bother with lists or anything, just normal chat like this. I would have left it in disgust if they'd done the whole lists of everything idea. Any yes this IS worse than a normal period. I think we should probably go back and tell the doctors that they are giving out incorrect information, but I won't. I hope you enjoy your cuddle with your baby niece, I want a baby niece/nephew but I'm unlikely to get any more as my sis already has 2 and is now divorced, and my bro is in his mid thirties and has never to my knowledge had a girlfriend.

Boo hope you get some sleep soon. My dd2 has come climbing into our bed around 2:30 ish for the past week. Then dp is we're up for the day at 6am while I stay in bed til 7.

Daisy I've been thinking about you too, hope you are ok?

chuckle My health kick has been rather half hearted so far. I went to the gym twice last week, but only once this week and still feeling rotten so making myself feel better with chocolate and crisps, that's a well known cure for the common cold isn't it? Definitely dtd every other day would be exhausting, I don't think I've ever had that high a sex drive and definitely not now while I'm working full time as well as having 2 kids to run round after.

ah jo it makes more sense now :) I learnt computers in a double decker bus at primary school, those green bbc jobs (showing my age now)...

ARRRRG toddler sleeping! Are your DCs picking up on your mc mood do you think? Mine is either teething or just going through a seperation anxiety phase or reacting to my unusual mardiness/lethargy but won't sleep till gone 9pm and is up at 5.30/6ish and clambers all over me so there is no escape. it is killing me! Remind me why I am gung ho for a newborn again?! (aw, yummy...)

My health kick was excellent yesterday. I ate a twix, crisps, oven fish and chips and biscuits. yay me :) this weekend I shall eat car snacks, a takeaway, a pasty (guess where we are going?!) and wedding food and booze and a fry up. Ahem.

chuckle every other day or second day should do it until you get your positive opk then once or twice more and you are done? is not loads? The moment I get any watery/EW cm I will be dtd every 2/3 days until it goes and that is all :) Can't wait, although my head says I should wait for another period to put some water between this mc and a new pg? What have you guys felt about it - do you just want to be pg as soon as possible? I do, in my heart but... hmmm.

I hope you had a nice night out boo!

wild that sounds like a really good health kick to me. Wish it worked for getting us healthy.

Well this morning I found a letter from the midwife tucked down the side of the sofa, telling me about an appt on 26th March (2 weeks before mc). Obviously I didn't go as I didn't get the letter, somebody (possibly dd2) shoved it under the sofa cushion. Now I can't get it out of my head that if I'd made it to that appt it might have changed something. What if this happened because of an infection (or something else they test for) that she could have easily treated? I know in my head that this isn't helping, but I still keep wondering. I also know that it's far more likely to be connected to the pcos and my dodgy hormones, but again that makes it my fault as I know how to control it, for me that means eating the right foods, doing more exercise, and taking the right vitamins, but I wasn't doing any of it because I just assumed everything would be fine the way it was fine with dd1 and dd2, but I was doing all the right things when I was pg with them. Anyway, rant over. I'm just feeling very down today, I will now attempt to cheer up.

Has anyone elses body hair gone a bit haywire since mc??!

and by body hair I mean facial hair of course [doubleblush]

I have woken up with a horrible migraine today :( I've never had one quite like this, even the light from my phone screen hurt. It seems to be calming down now. Could it be hormones? I had to come off the pill because I got them.

I have definitely had 2 positive OPKs now too so just looking for a temp rise - didn't happen this morning. I don't think we will be successful this time though, started too early :)

daisy nice to see you back.
wilder How lovely that you are seeing your newborn niece. I have my cousin coming to visit this weekend with her baby. It should be lovely but I hope I don't get emotional. She will understand though as she has been through exactly the same thing. She gives me hope that it will all work out. Also stay away from the AN threads. I have upset myself by looking at them a couple of time.
jo The midwife appointment wouldn't have changed anything. I have been reassured by a lovely GP that nothing would have changed what happened for me. It is so easy to look for reasons but I'm finally starting to accept that it was just one of those things.

jo it wouldn't have changed a thing, really, really. Please don't blame yourself because there are no answers - that way madness lies . We cannot know why what happened to us happened but that MW appt would not have told you anything.

oh hee how awful having a migraine. Definitely could be hormonal. Hope you are ok around the baby... I am really broody and obviously would love to be pregnant but am taking the fact I can give the baby back when it grizzles and then get a massive glass of wine or five as a positive for now :) And yay for pos opk, at least you know they work for you even if your timing was off!

daisy not hairy this pg or due to mc but I was hairy when preggo with DS. maybe is a temporary hormone imbalance?

I have a face mask on and have painted me toes for the wedding. I had to spend about an hour tidying my nails last night - am a total mess and didn't even realise it (then I get all feminist and annoying and wonder why I should notice?!!) but whatevs. the hotel we are staying at is luscious, am going to book it now then eat then er, pack and try to hide from my work ;0)

ps I realised that as of next weekend I can start dtd! woo, that's exciting. Praying for a negative test next weekend...

I'm not hairy on my face daisy but I do have quite a bit of hair leading up to my belly button, or I would have if I hadn't spent half an hour last night plucking it.

Hee your migraine sounds awful. Hope you feel better soon.

Well I am an emotional mess today :( Someone said something stupid at break time and I cried :( It wasn't even anything insensitive or anything like that, it was only about chocolate. Now my whole flaming department has seen me cry, which I haven't done so far at school, and they are all concerned and trying to get me to talk about it which I don't want to do. And my HoD has been in to have a chat to me and offered to teach my classes this afternoon and send me home. Very nice of him, but I don't really want to go home so I'm staying, probably the worse choice. I thought I was doing so well at holding it together, but I'm obviously not.

Ah yes, the blindsiding that randomly occurs over something so silly. Don't be a martyr Jodidi will you, if you need to go home, go home. Your work sound really lovely and supportive :)

Have you thought about accessing some counselling?

jodidi I second what daisy says about counselling. I have had a good long talk with a nurse and have a doctors appointment booked for a referral. I'm stuggling quite a bit but I keep having moments saying I want to cancel the appointment. DH wants me to go and is under strict instructions to make sure I do.

wilde I think every other day is loads of shagging, especially as I think we have started far, far to early this month (at the weekend and I think its going to be next weekend till I ov). Will have to calm myself down a bit next month I think and pace us a bit better!!!! Regards getting pg after mc, I got pg straight after a mc in Jan. Unfortunatly that ended with the mmc but they werent related. We decided to wait one cycle as I couldnt have faced three mc on the bounce, but then we didnt actually do anything to stop me getting pregnant so I was a bit gutted when AF turned up. If you feel ready for it mentally then go for it!!!!

Daisy I am gorilla like at the best of times but havent seen any 'extra' bits! I have very dark hair so my legs look stubbly almost as soon as I have shaved them! Thats how I let DH know its jiggy jiggy night - by dehairing!!!!

Jo I hope you did go home, or at least that you are feeling better. I was in floods of tears watching an advert last night and I am usually a pretty cold hearted cow so my hormones must still be raging!!

Almost time for peeing on my sticky thing - really not sure about these things - how on earth are you supposed to not drink or pee for 4 hours during the day!??!!? SUrely thats impossible?!?