After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

wilde Ms. daisy, not WIDE! hehe though actually it is wide at the mo - it full on bounces when I run!

Yo cake, our dear graduate :) yes, I suppose in a way we are so fortunate with our empty sacs, though in itself that took time to get over for me; I couldn't believe my baby never even existed, i felt they had been robbed of everything, had no chance. Strange thoughts you have in that situation.

Wholly understand your state of mind too chick. I will be the same you know, not look at books or tell anyone until I know. Will you have an early scan? I might do but ONLY if it was after 7 weeks when you just know something should be there.

I have been sleeping a lot today and have light period pains. Wiped myself out being all busy with housework this morning then spent all afternoon dosing in bed. Is that normal do you think (the dosing not the housework!)? Feel much better now for it but don't know how I will look after DS tomorrow, I'm just so physically weary.

So loving thinking about dates I might be able to conceive and things, instead of scans and hospital appts and mc sadness. :)

big glasses of and pregnacare tablets all round ladies!

Wilde you're totally right but it was still a loss. Even though there was no baby you have to get over the loss of the pregnancy. I found that hard the due date, scan date, the excitement. I'd started looking at double strollers & reading a 2nd child book :( it's still a loss & incredibly hard. I found the end of the bleeding & physical side enabled me to deal with the emotional side better. I've already been referred by GP (was there about my ds and mentioned it to ask process) she was great & said to take another test in 2 weeks and go to EPU who will scan me.

The weariness is totally normal. The 3/4 days following the heaviest blood loss & losing sac I was wiped. Spent all morning in bed first two days and then quiet days. On day 3 we went for a walk around a local park, only out an hour but I was knackered when I got bk. Went straight to bed felt nauseous, dizzy really unwell. Ended up going to A&E as I was worried ectopic or twin but was fine. Just overdid it. Day 4&5 I rested too but felt much better and did more. It's totally normal. Take it easy and rest as much as you can. You are going through a very tough time emotionally and physically. Xxxx

wilde I was completely wiped out for a few days after my mc. I think it's normal. I mc on the Sunday and Tuesday took dd2 to the gp about her asthma, that 10 min appt (and getting there and back) really took it out of me. We had a few days of Cbeebies and no housework (and chocolate too, who cares about healthy eating?!)

cake I think if i ever get pg again I will be the same as you with trying not to think about it too much. I don't think I'll even do a test til I should be about 6/7 weeks (possibly not even then, I didn't do a test til I was 15 weeks with dd1 but that was for different reasons). I do think the hardest bit is losing your hopes and dreams for that baby. I'd been looking at slings on ebay, I'd been reading up on tandem feeding as I'm still bf dd2, we had childcare in place (parents doing one day a week each when I went back to work), I had unofficially told school and was planning my maternity leave. All those things were/are hard to give up.

I've had a reasonably nice day. I took dd2 swimming, I'd been dreading it as the time we go is usually at the same time as the baby swimming lessons (we're in the toddler lessons) so there are always quite little babies there. But the babies weren't there today, so I needn't have worried about how I was going to feel seeing them all. They will be back next week though. We went to the library too, and wilde your nn inspired me to get Where the wild things are out for dd2, I've now read it to her 5 times, so thanks for that

I'm currently drinking (well actually it's lemonade cos I rarely drink) and am about to go have a shag. I've wanted to all week (think I've been oving) but dp hasn't :( Now he's feeling frisky, but I'm not oving any more :( Will still do it, but it's a shame there's no baby-making potential there. It's probably too early to be thinking about ttc yet, especially as he hasn't actually agreed to it (yet)

Gosh sorry wiLd oops hahaha. Take it easy for a few days and maybe take extra iron if you've been bleeding a lot it'll help the tiredness.

I think I can now say have stopped bleeding and spotting totally, nothing all day. 3 weeks today I miscarried, feeling surprisingly upbeat and have dared to start properly thinking about ttc and trying positive visulaisation and daydreaming about babies again.

Went out for dinner tonight with DP and the IL and then met friend with the scan pic I referred to who's due at same time I would have been, that was hard, esp as she's got a sizeable bump already, I couldn't stop looking at it but it was ok.

Well, we didn't have a shag last night. We had an argument about ttc instead and I ended up going to bed alone to cry :(

Morning all. Glad all well wilde, loving the new named too. Hhope everything gets back to 'normal' quickly for you.

My mother has been visit Ing us this weekend and had just left so I am calm and chilled now. I love seeing her but I do like when she goes home. Makes ttc a bit yuk when you know your mam is listening!!

I am trying an app to track fertility on mu phone which is fun and next week I am going to give opk's a go, I don't hold out much hope for them but it will keep me occupied.

sorry to hear your evening didn't go as planned jo, I hope you manage to get things sorted with your dp and get him on board with ttc.

cake well done for resisting pos, i did 14 tests last time! Sounds like you are doing a good job. Of staying calm. You must teach me!!!! I have promised hubby i will only pee on one stick next time, where's the fun in that??

Off to the in laws for Sunday lunch, beats cooking i suppose (and washing up)

Have a lovely Sunday all :)

af'noon ladies.

I feel reassured that you felt tired too. I am ok just soooo weary. Went out to the shops with DH and DS as didn't want to be home alone and thought if I got tired I could go back and sit in the car and actually it was good to be out. Bought a new coral coloured jumper in the sale from topshop :) retail therapy! Am knackered now though and sore and crampy. I was told if I feel crampy to call my GP but think it is probably just because i overdid it rather than infection? i haven't really bled loads so do feel guilty like i should be fine, but guess I have to know my body has been through a big ordeal, lots of pain, and just will take time to right itself...

Aw cake and jo I was like that too, planning and excited about my new baby. DH reminds me when I am sad that there was no actual baby but I try and tell him that to me there really was for a while. Very sad. Well done on the swimming jo, can't wait to stop bleeding so can take DS again.

daisy that must have been hard :( Am finding my friend's huge bump a real affront at the mo, it is just there, right up in my grille ;0) Like she can put it away for me! hehe! You can't help feeling it tho. I am glad to have actually mc'ed now though because I like thinking I am on my AF and may have a chance soon. Who knows.

I have resisted buying any piss sticks of any sort so far :) Very proud ex-addict :) have one for the two week test I have to do to get my BFN, then will go and buy one special if I am OVERDUE and think I may be pg. Last pg (sounds weird saying that) I tested at 10dpo and got my ill-fated positive. knowing early is not necessarily good. Do not let me do any early tests!

Must chill, laters and lovely sundays all!

and jo am glad you like WTWTA, is actually one of my favourite books! I just love it. the film is great too, though a bit scary!

Hello everyone. Nice relaxing weekend here - first in a long time and I am loving it. Still doing temping with fertility friend and using ov sticks. Still no positive but fertility friend thinks I should get one today. We shall see...

wilder I felt wiped out for a couple of weeks after mine, and still do a bit. I kept feeling light headed and dizzy and got my iron levels checked but it was ok so I guess it is normal to feel like that. It is a huge shock to the system. The cramps carried on a bit too.

I had also done lots of planning for the future - a list of all the baby things I wanted and a huge list of names. I guess I will just have to keep it all in mind for next time.

jodidi I hope you get everything sorted with DP.

I'll hold you back from POAS wilde if you do the same for me - I have no intention of poasing until at least a couple of weeks overdue, won't be telling anyone till well after the 12 week scan and am also toying with not telling OH if I suspect I am/in the early weeks to save him the stress too. Or rather save me the stress of stressing about why he isn't stressing!!

just popping in to say hello. Glad nice weekends are being had.

Jodidi that must be hard having to persuade your DH for another, good luck!

foofdaisy now I want to check out that thread!

Wild good to hear things are improving.

Glad others are getting excited about the future.

I had a very busy social day yesterday - friend's christening then a boozy night at other friend's house. Feel hungover, and now shelving the wine to give the old bod a bit of a break to ttc!

It's weird as even though we will be ttc this month, I can't imagine being pg! I don't know why, as obviously I was not that long ago. It just seems a bit unattainable... I hope I don't jinx things by being negative, although I know that's not how things work!

Hope everyone is having nice chilled out sundays.

Back from nice lunch with the in laws and louts of wine! Hurrah!!!! Have to give health kick a boost as of tomorrow as couldn't get my fave jeans past my thighs this afternoon, boo hiss.

I'm with you daisyfoof....if when I get pg again I'm not telling dh for a few weeks as I don't want him stressing. I have already promised him imll wait till af is a week late till I test though I can't imagine me ever having the will power for that!!

About to crack open another bottle of , I don't work Mondays so tonight is my Friday, kind of.

tomorrow morning I will transform into a younger, slightly portly, and much slower with numbers carol vorderman detox queen (for a couple of days till I get bored)

I am purposely not going to be writing down LMP dates either!!

yay for 'louts of wine' chuckle!

Hmm I will tell DH when I am pg again, but won't test early as i want a good strong positive and to 'feel' pg before i go buying into it. This time I got into it even though it felt wrong and the positive wasn't as strong as it was with DS and didn't get stronger as quickly as I hoped... and my symptoms were 'off'. I still thought I was though (not knowing better) but this time will sit and reflect more before getting excited I think. i do need DH to know though, I couldn't mc or be stressed on my own, and pregnancy is his responsibility too!

Erm I think I the cause of my cramping has come to light... I, ahem, obviously hadn't quite finished mc'ing on Friday but hopefully did earlier (so to speak without TMI)... i know this isn't a good thing as all should have been passed on Friday so am on strict bedrest now to make sure cramping is me and not because I have been doing laundry/shopping/been headbutted in the abdomen by DS... DH will be around tomorrow morning and late pm to watch DS so I don't do too much. Hopefully it will all calm down if all has now eventually come out. bleeding has calmed dramatically so take this as a good sign.

I am writing down LMP dates daisy and will keep an eye out for natural fertility signals :)

glad everyone seems to be having good weekends, whether quiet or boozy :)

Well my good weekend has gone out of the window. OH went out to watch the Old Firm match in the pub at lunchtime, said would be back after it finished so expeceted him home by 4pm latest. Had cooked lovely roast dinner, not answering phone or texts, comes in at half 6 totally bladdered and went straight to bed.

I can't put up with this any more :( we're getting into debt cause he has control of the money (fair enough, I am not working) but he's gone and dipped into his savings the last few months, been out far too many times living the single life, while I've been scrimping and saving on the household money and had to deal with bailiffs at the door

Really don't know what to do. I am just not getting through to him that he needs to start acting like a (partial) grown up, take financial responsibility and stop acting like he is single and using the excuse that his friends lead him astray! he puts their feelings before mine :(

Rant over, sorry.

Think I have some really hard thinking to do about not just TTC but this whole relationship.

Oh dear Daisy that doesn't sound good. Bailiffs at the door are not fun. I was living with dd1's father (I left soon after) when they had bailiffs round and took all their stuff, most of it belonged to the kids. It was a truly horrible experience so I don't envy you that at all. How long have you been together? It does sound like you have some hard decisions to make.

wild sorry you hadn't finished. Do take some time to rest, your body has been through a tough time so needs to recover. CBeebies is your friend (I assume your DS will sit and watch some programs)

Booboo It really is tough that I want another baby so desperately and he is completely adament that he doesn't. I was managing to keep a lid on it until this last pregnancy but now it's almost all I can think about, and yet I can't imagine ever being pregnant again and can't see any more babies in our future :(

chuckle I can't imagine ttc with my mum in the next room, it's bad enough with the kids but they are always asleep. (I am not quiet ) I like seeing my parents too but they only ever come for a day which suits me fine. I like 'louts of wine' too, but I am rather a lightweight so one glass is more than enough for me.

heehee I'm glad you've had a nice relaxing weekend. Hope you got your positive opk.

I am now completely bunged up with a cold (thanks dp ). Have had a headache and shivering/burning up all day. Lemsip is my friend though and I shall just carry on as normal.

oh no foof really sorry to hear things are not working out. Debt is a nightmare. If your OH has savings can you persuade him to pay off some debts? I really hope you manage to sort it out.

jodidi I really sympathise - MC is bad enough, but the thing that keeps me going is becoming pg again... I really hope you can persuade him.

I'm feeling that awful sunday night feeling tonight - groan. I hate Mondays.... hope everyone has a good week though!

Hi All, Ofi!! (Oh f*!@ it's Sunday)

foof that is a horrible position to be in, particularly now. I hope you can sort things out (and spend his savings on the debts??)

jo do you think DH is scared?

We've been away for the weekend on our Sun (ironic in itself!) holiday, despite the weather we've actually had a lovely time.
I've got a busy week coming up, health kick starts tomorrow (lots of vino over the weekend) lots of dtd hopefully and I'm away on a girls weekend next weekend. Bad timing for ttc but I must remember life goes on!

I think I'll have to go for a name change just to follow the trend - its taken me a while to keep up!

No I don't think he's scared, I think he just doesn't want any more children. This last pregnancy was a surprise/accident and he wasn't thrilled said I should have an abortion so while he accepted that baby was going to happen, he doesn't want to try for another. Financially and practically now is not the right time for another baby, but emotionally it's all I want. I think I need to just accept it's not going to happen and move on, easier said than done though.

Guys I'm going to dip out for a while.

x

Hope this week has started better than last week ended daisy. Sounds like you had a pretty crappy Sunday .

How has your health kick started chellie? My Vorderman-esque detox week has started with a cheese pasty for lunch and I am planning chicken kiev and chips for tea (with salad though!). I have zero will power. I am going to cut right back on the old for the next few weeks though. You can only drink 'louts' of wine once in a while!!! (damn phone) (alright - damn fat fingers)

I am not quiet either jo, especially when I have been on the (which I always have when mother is visiting as its the only way I can get through the weekends!) (mother lives 200 miles away, I am an only child and my dad died a couple of years ago so she comes every other weekend to see me and DD who she adores) Maybe I should buy her some ear plugs and tell her if she wants another grandkid she'll have to deal with it!

Hope your Monday isnt toooooo horrid boo and hope you got your +ve heehee, I might be picking your brains on fertility friend in the next few weeks, I am thinking about starting to use it just so I am doing something to speed things up!

and time now (dont tell Carol)

oh guys, it sounds like lots went on yesterday!

jo I hope you are able to reach a happy conclusion re: pg. Being broody and unable to do anything about it is so tough.

daisy hope you come back soon? Bailiffs sound very stressful :( Hope you ok.

any positives yet hee?

I joined one of those online weight loss places today to enable me procrastinate more when I should be working for my health kick. I am about 5lbs heavier than I should be (too much misery-eating since xmas) and ideally would like to lose a bit more than that so thought I should rejoin to keep an eye on what I am eating a bit more. I have eaten whatever I want whenever I want for too long and now i don't BF it shows (arg!). I used it before and lost lots of weight then but it was a bit obsessive at the time! I am also training (as of next week when am better after the mc) for a 10K in July. These should start to keep me in check.

Main thing really is that I don't want to start another pg being 'big' because I can't help but eat, eat, eat when pg (as shown by DS and ghosty baby) and would like a healthy starting block for the glutton-fest new (hope, hope) pregnancy ;0)

DH had to come home from work to help me with DS today. he is stressed and a bit mardy about it but I am utterly wiped out and can't do anything! the cramping has gone though so that last bit of ahem, tissue, (think was the little placenta) yesterday must be the last of it. i did think I was oprobably in more pain than i should be but really didn't want an ERPC! Am just tired now and my insides ache from the mc cramping.

Will be fine tomorrow better be I have four miles to walk to childminder and back and am back to work!

epic post, sorry, am off now :) Hope you can enjoy a bit of the sune while it is out peeps.

I don't think he's going to change his mind any time soon :( It took me 2 years of living together to persuade him that dd2 was a good idea, and even then I had to threaten to leave before he agreed, then 2 years of trying before we had her. This time round he actually knows what a baby is like and how much work/money is involved, so I really don't think I stand a chance of winning him round, short of threatening to leave again but it's all so much more complicated now as we have bought a house and have dd2 etc. (plus of course I love him and we're very happy other than this one point of contention) So I should probably not be here as we're not ttc, but I will stay for a while if nobody minds.

wild which weight loss club did you join? I wish I was only 5 lbs more than I should be, for me it's more like 3 stone til I reach the healthy range :( On the plus side I am still on the right side of the overweight/obese line (but not by much ) So my health kick started properly today. Eating healthily and will be going back to the gym 3 times a week. That's the plan anyway, not sure I have the will power to stick to it for long, but maybe I will this time.

Morning. Well I'm getting a little frustrated with the ov tests. I got a darker line than usual yesterday but it still wasn't as dark as the control line. Maybe I'm not doing them early enough in the day - I leave it until I get home from work which is past 6. I had read some other threads and it seems it can be easy to miss the surge so I might take yesterdays as positive as it's the best one I've seen. My temperature has risen a little today but not much.

daisy and jo So sorry to hear of the problems you are having, I hope you can work them out. Also it is nice to see you post so please stick around.

chellie and chuckle I have been thinking about mu diet too. I did quite well yesterday and have decided no more until I get a BFN again. Hopefully this means no more wine until next year :) Coffee is the difficult one for me. I usually have 3 cups a day but wonder if I should give it up too. We have decaf at work but it is disgusting.

wilder I feel the same way about my weight. Ideally I would like to lose about a stone and a half before becoming pg. I think I'm just going to cut down for a while if I can and see what happens. If I do get pg I know I will eat loads. I hear bf is good for weight loss so I will just have to focus on it then :)

Hee A lot of women do find bf helps with weight loss, but not me. I find it harder to lose weight while bf . When I finished bf dd1 I lost about 1.5 stone without even trying. I am still bf dd2 (age 2, planning on letting her self-wean but I'm starting to think she'll always want it) so not sure whether the same will happen when she eventually stops but I hope so. I actually hope to be pg again by then, but that's not looking likely at the minute :(

On a more positive note we had a random mid-week shag last night. That has been quite rare in our house for the past 3 years (pg with dd2, and then baby sleeping in our bed, not sleeping through, etc). So that was nice. And he hasn't got round to getting any condoms (seriously how hard is it to buy condoms?) so withdrawal is our method of contraception atm and I'm starting to hope for another 'accident'. If he's the one who doens't want more babies he has to be the one who sorts out contraception and he will just have to accept a pregnancy if it happens.