After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Hope all is well this morning with everyone.

so - I hope things are progressing well for you, not long now and it will be over.

foof - Sounds like you had a nice relaxing day yesterday (curry smells aside!)

I am shattered this morning after a very bad nights sleep and have terrible cramps. Am dying for this AF to be over and done with so I can stop feeling poo and get on with baby making.

Going to have a look for handy little fertility charting type apps for my shiny new phone (not that I really understand apps or how to get them, but how hard can it be?!)

Hello Ladies,

Haven't caught up with all of yesterdays posts but so it will soon be over, stay strong. We are all here.

foof I'm pleased you had a relaxing day, it is nice that your MiL is being so supportive, upsetting to see the bush but a nice tribute. Chin up xxx

All ok here, did another early response this am & still BFP and much stronger than Monday so fingers crossed that means HCG increasing nicely. I'm also spotty & tired which I'm taking as good signs! Did a clear blue yesterday too and said 1-2 since conception so all ticking along.

I don't want to be inconsiderate or upset anyone.... I'm not sure whether you Ladies want to hear pg info & stories..... I'm very aware this is a conception thread. Happy to toddle off if it is too much. Just let me know, no offence taken. I just like still being with you all because you understand the fear and knicker checking xxxxxxxxx

No problem for me Cakeplease :) I need to know there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Will you get an early scan this time? My EPU said I could contact them at 7 weeks for a scan even though I have only had 1 mc. Maybe it's cause I'm almost 39 though.

cake I don't mind hearing you talk about your pg. It's nice knowing someone has succeeded so quickly. I will be knicker checking like crazy if I'm ever lucky enough to get pg again.

Cake - I agree with Foof!! Don't disappear - we all need to hear the positives too?! That it CAN work after mc.

so - still thinking of you. fx all goes well. Stock up on codeine - or that new nurofen drug that has ibuprofen and paracetamol? That's what I used and it lasts for about 5-6 hrs.

Chuckle - am with you on wishing this AF to be over. There must be another term for it as it has been the worst of my life. Even worse than the days after giving birth. Horrid. Desperately seeking physical contact with DH. He appears a bit confused, bless him, as normally I curl up with a good book at this time of the month. Not necessarily dtd you understand, but just to be hanging off him and not wanting to let him out of my sight? Is that a bit weird?

jo - hope your day goes well and you're not too stiff from that gym habit you appear to be developing! Good for you. You inspired me to do some exercise this morning, so thank you. I feel a lot more positive for doing so.

boo - just read that article you mentioned, and am encouraged too. Thanks for the rock! My first ever on MN

DS1&2 are back at school today, DS3 with the nanny for a couple of hours this morning. Lots to do - including washing, ironing, discovering the carpet again in the playroom after 4 weeks of Easter hols... Woo hoo!

Have a great day everyone! (Sorry - must remember not to post after exercise...endorphins obviously making me far too jolly )

Hi ladies, can I join this thread? I had my MC 5 weeks ago now - MMC at 12 weeks. I have just finished my first AF and will hopefully be trying again this month. IT has been a rough time, I went on holiday for a week 2 weeks ago and came back feeling refreshed and much happier... for about 1 day and now I'm right back to where I was. The whole experience seems to have brought out the hypochondriac in me too - I was worried about hypothyroidism as members of my family have it so I went for a blood test this morning. The nurse I saw was lovely and sensed my state of mind. This let to me pouring out all my worries on her and I can away with a referral to a cognitive behavoural therapist!! Hopefully this will be good and put me in a better state of mind.
Have a nice day everyone.

Yoyo ladies. Thanks for your well wishes!

Quiet night for me though my waters went when i went for a wee this morning so... twingy this morning but otherwise ok. Was so weird, i thought that isn't a wee... but was straw coloured and then it clicked. Was a bit sad really, you know, it really was a pregnancy! I had waters and everything! I think so much of this is surreal for me despite the scans and stuff, when i actually mc and things I think only then will I get that I really was pg? Do I sound crackers?!

Yay cake please stay around, please chat freely about your life and pg, it is where we all intend to be ina few months - we can all keep spraffing just in the antenatal board instead :) Will you have an early scan then? Will anyone else? i don't think I will unless I feel, like i did with this one, there is something wrong.

kate I have never had an OMG bleeding moment either. Hope you were ok?

jo hows the report writing? Poor you.

foo will you get to see your rosebush in the new pot soon? Very envious of your spa and swim experience! I also had a 'sad' curry as hated it when 'pg' then a couple of weeks ago agreed we could one and knew it was all over.

chuckle fertility friend was good for me tho didn't have as an app. Hope your AF beggers off soon :)

My dress arrived today! Is just smashing! I look nice and trim in it (am not but clever dress) and DH approved with big goggly eyes of admiration so think it will do the trick :) Really looking forward to wearing it, is such a tonic.

Will be around a lot today, don't want to go out when am having a mc! Even though am not, really, yet, but still, how will I not blurt it out?!

cake its great to have positive news and h you need to hah peoples who understand the knicker checking! Hopefully you are the first of many.

I have been so hot and clammy this af and bleeding so heavy that I feel grubby all the time and I can't bear dh touching me as I feel grotty, agree about looking forward to sa nice snuggle ice as well as a good shag

roll on next week and ttc antics with my new fertility app.....surely I'll get pteggers if I've got an app.....

welcome hee!

so sorry didn't see your post before... Sorry about your mc and good luck for this month! Are you rather down? feel free to rant away on here if you need to offload :)

I just read a bit of a thread about mary beard's show and actual mary beard was on the thread as a MNetter. am starstruck!

ps am watching prof winston on this morning chat about ferility stuff. hmm.

HeeHee You were on due in Oct with me. I have been wondering how you are getting on, sorry and nice to see you here all at the same time. I hope you are getting the help you need, and CBT sounds like a good idea to me. I find I don't want to burden real life people with me moaning all the time so seeing a counsellor or something could be a really good outlet for everything.

so no I don't think you are crackers for not really believing it's a pregnancy. For me I definitely had a thought as I was mcing 'oh, I wasn't just making it up then, I was actually pregnant', even though I'd had all the symptoms and had a bump big enough for people to notice. I wish I had a dress that would make me look nice and trim, I would wear it all day every day :)

chuckle I used fertility friend when ttc dd2. It really helped me get to know my body as my cycles have always been so incredibly irregular I hadn't got a clue what was going on. I'm thinking about using it again, but temping every morning is a bit annoying, especially since I am not telling dp that I'm actively trying , he thinks we're just having fun and what happens, happens.

I finally finished writing reports at midnight last night, have just put them onto the school system. I am very tired today as dd2 seems to be teething (the very back molars are coming through) so she climbed into bed with us at 1:30 and demanded boob. Normally she's good at just going back to sleep in our bed with us, but last night she was still awake and wriggling at 3! so that's when I got up and put her back in her own bed where she went to sleep within minutes . Then we were up for the day at 6 :( so I only got about 4 hours sleep last night, and even that was broken :(

Thanks ladies, was sure you'd understand but wanted to check for obvious reasons! I think I am approx 4 weeks (2.5 since conception, 4 if I'd had a 'period') I can't be any further based on when we started ttc.

Took DS to dr today about something & mentioned it to her, told her whole story. She was great & said I need to be seen by EPU and don't book in until I've been there. She said don't go for at least 2 weeks (so they will hopefully see something) and to take a pg test before I go. She gave me the referral there and then & said just to turn up in 2ish weeks time. They will scan me then to date & see if viable. I'm going o wait at least 2.5 weeks (w/c 14th may) so we have best possible chance of seeing something. We go away that wknd with a huge bunch of friends so I feel I nd to know before then. If I wasn't going away I'd wait 3 weeks until approx 7/8.

Anyway feel starving so hoping that's a good sign too.

Also GP (specialses in womens health& has 4 kids) said that it is all misinformation & misunderstanding & that as soon as you have stopped bleeding your body is ready to try again. The period is for dating purposes. There is no increased risk of mc.

Thought some of you ladies who are debating waiting for AF or cracking on straight away like impatient me might like o know xxxx

Grr, just when I thought AF had finally gone, I have a bit more bleeding. Grr...
soveryfedup I experienced my waters going too - completely unexpected. Everything else followed shortly after so hopefully you won't have to wait much longer. Hope you are doing ok.
jodidi Hello to you too. I can't believe how many of us October ladies MC'd. I feel a bit weird about the counsellor for some reason but will definitely go - I think I need it.
I too have started using fertility friend and so far managed to take my temp every day. I have the app on my phone and find it quite addictive. I really must stop looking at it at work though :)

Hello hee - sorry, didnt see you post before. Stupid phone.

I did a lot of lurking on the due in October thread so recognised your name (and jodidi) but I hadnt plucked up the courage to post as I mc in Jan and was being all superstitious, and then I went and mc again. I guess I always knew something was 'not right' with things. Hopefully next time (and there WILL be a next time) it will feel right and I will be able to relax, I was so jumpy with the last one.

Lunchtime at last and crappy soup beckons - hope someone somewhere is eating cake!!

I dont mean eating you cake, I mean like a choc chip muffin or something!!!

Thanks cake for that info about waiting and stuff. I do have a feeling that i should wait one cycle just to check everything is clean and ready to go, though know this is pyschological now and not from misguided info.

And FWIW I think your symptoms sound very promising! i don't know about anyone else but for this mc-pregnancy my symptoms were a bit out of whack compared to DS. Like, i never really needed to go to the loo more (apart from once in the night each night) and the symptoms would dramatically come and go. never just settled down. if in my next pg I am tired, weeing alot and hungry from the off I will be satisfied :)

hee really your waters went too? It was so weird, and if I hadn't had Ds I don't think I would have realised.

chuckle and jo I found opks and ff really helpful for sorting out what was going on with my cycles after BFing. Don't know if I will go back tho as they had just started to settle into a 32 day cycle with very obvious fertility signs (ahem) when i got pg, the Dr said this should continue after the mc so hopefully I won't need it. Was a bit obsessed. Didn't temp though, can't with being up with DS all the time!

jo how old is your dd2? My DS (2.4) still hasn't got his back molars so got that joy to come... (he didn't start teething till he was 15 months though...)

been packing my hospital bag. joy!

hehe chuckle. let's eat cake!

at ChuckleMonster.
soveryfedup I think it was my waters. (TMI alert) I was standing up talking to DH and I felt this weird warm trickle. I went to the toilet and there was weird watery stuff on the pad and only a tiny bit of thin blood. It only occurred to me recently that it could be waters.

chuckle trust me I wouldn't taste good!

so it is a very personal decision when to start ttc again, it was right for us & we are lucky. I really hope it doesn't happen again. Obviously I'm symptom spotting, they won't take hold for a little while yet (week 6/7 with dc1) so not present all the time but reassuring when they flare up. Very early days, don't want to get my hopes up. Self preservation.
I hope your hospital trip is swift & you are well cared for in a sensitive way. It's a horrible time but it will be over soon, thinking about you.

My waters also went, I didnt expect that!! the things the hospital neglect to mention!!

jo well done on your reports, I'm dreading mine! Need to start soon though :(

so dd2 turned 2 in March, and we weren't expecting them any time soon as she didn't get her first tooth til well over a year (unlike dd1 who had one at 8 weeks!). She's suffered terribly for all of them and always seems to get at least 2 at the same time. Can't wait for the last one to come through.

I won't be using opks as apparently one of the hormones that is 'wrong' due to my pcos is the one they pick up, so it will read that I am either always ovulating, or I am never ovulating, when in reality it is probably somewhere in between those (although never ovulating is a possibility with pcos, I don't think that's me as I've had 2 surprise pregnancies). I will prob use ff though as that doesn't care that I have pcos, I can just see what my cycles are doing atm.

aw your poor DD jo I hope they come through soon and you get some sleep. DS has never really noticed his coming through but does have restless nights so i notice! I didn't know you had PCOS though yes I would say you are ovulating at some point!

I am cramping quite significantly now. Took all my tabs over an hour ago and still feel it, so guess this is going to be a rough one :( I didn't have any pain relief with DS's labour so wonder how it will compare. it would be amusing if I need more pain relief for this!

I want to drink booze and smoke loads of fags and have some fucking fun. instead I sit and wait, bloody shit tits.

rant over :)

Hope the pain relief kicks in soon so, booze and tags are just around the corner! Make sure you have plenty of trashy magazines and chocolate for tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes for 'quick and painless'. Am about to crack open the vino again now, figured id better make the most of being not ttc for the rest of the week, once project minichuckle starts I'm going to be a good girl!

Hi all, what a week!! I'm so glad that I don't work Fridays!

DS is also teething with his back 4. He's coming up 2.5, he's really suffering with them. We've also all got colds, so I'm feelin v sorry for myself. Looking forward to a weekend of enjoying wine before getting back on my health kick Monday and lots of dtd over the next couple of weeks!

So I'm also sending lots of those quick and painless vibes.

Congrats cake here's hoping more of us join you soon, but don't be leavin the thread, you'll be our little ray of sunshine!

Sorry for not name checking all - ds is having a late bath and I'd better give him some attention before I'm soaked from head to foot!

welcome hee

yes cake do stick around - we need good news. Maybe one day soon we will all be pg on this thread and can move it to ante natal! Or it might be safer to stay here. Totally know why you'd want to stay in the safety of this huddle... and we're glad to have you.

So glad things are progressing, really hope it's not got too painful. Sounds like you are well equipped! It's nearly over now and then you can start to move on. Mind you, I would def be on the booze if I were you... though fags now make me retch unless I am absolutely hammered, then I regret it the next day.

chuckle and others, I've just started on fertility friend too, at least, I started temping after MC for the first time, just to feel like I had some control really. FF is very user friendly and the app is good on my phone. I was impressed by the temping when, on the morning I got a massive fall in temp, I got my period later that day. Quite handy, even if I can't figure out when ovulation is! I'm not sure I ov last month, but hopefully will get some indication this month. I am also keen to do it as previously ttc got a bit tiring! DH would get very tired by all the shagging, and there is nothing more off putting than having to force yourself on a man .

foof jealous of your lovely day, I reckon you should be ok re infection, but I guess just keep an eye on it. When will you get to have your rose bush?

Hope everyone else is doing ok. We dtd this morning (just a practice run!) and it was actually quite fun!

chellie my message just got lost. But I was going to say - my week is the opposite - I work mon, tues, fri. So need to gear myself up for the end of the week! My two got all their teeth by about age 1. I think it accounted for the awful nights in the early days (they had them from 3 months) but at least we are spared it now. Good luck! I too am going out Sat night - so looking forward to the booze! Then it's a health kick for dtd and 2 ww I think, at least, that's the plan!