After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

so I'm sorry you feel horrid today. It really is horrible isn't it. I think for once I might be glad that I'm at work and not a sahm. I felt that way at church last week as there are so many people there either pg or with young babies, I couldn't cope with it all and sobbed the whole way through the service. I sent dd1 by herself this week, but I think I may have to show face at some point.

I agree with Foof if you want some wine tonight go for it. Eat all your chocolate and crisps and don't share with anyone.

Wow. Lots happening!!

Congrats cake - good to hear some nice news. Try to relax and enjoy (easier said than done I know!)

so - Glad you are home and with supplies!! I hate toddler groups more than anything. I only go because DD doesnt see any other children as MIL has her when I am at work. She loves it and I grin and bear it for her sake. Seeing as it is PM now I dont see any harm in

Af turned up here this morning. Was wanting to get it out of the way so I can start ttc again but am a bit upset now. I suppose I was secretly hoping that somehow our efforts to NOT get pg this cycle had been unsuccessful. Also, am a bit concerned as I'm barely bleeding at all, was expecting more than a ususal AF not less. Anyone else had this?!

Off to wipe tomato off the windows now....its like a zoo here at meal times..

so - just got back from a toddler group too. Same thing happened to me. Loads of pg ladies and new babies. Grrrr. Sat in a corner not talking to anyone. Then the vicar (it's run in a church hall) came over to talk to me so I ran away! Grabbed ds3 on the way out.... at least I remembered him! Stay away for a few more weeks yet would be my advice.

chuckle my af arrived yesterday - wasn't heavy at all, to the point I wondered if I might be mistaken, but today is a different matter. Hey ho. Like you was secretly disappointed gutted not to have succeeded 1st month. Spent yesterday evening feeling like a failure all over again. And working out methods of sabotage - jo knows what I mean!!

jo your comment about being busy at work/occupied resonates with me. These last 5 weeks (since the very first spot appeared - literally to the hour today) have dragged. The only week that went a bit quicker was the ski holiday as I was so busy with DH, DS1&2 and the 2 other families - and that was when the actual mc occurred. When I was expecting DS1 I was teaching (periodically stepping outside the classroom to chuck up) but it went so quickly. so, there is a definite advantage to keeping your mind occupied over the next week or so? Is there anything you can turn your mind to, if you possibly can? I really hope that tomorrow goes smoothly and you are home and tucked up again in the evening.

cake - I remember reading about your mc on another post. I was waiting for my scan at the same time. Congrats on your BFP - that is splendid news and I really hope all progresses well. Shame you won't be joining us for a glass of this lunchtime/afternoon/evening/night!! (delete as appropriate!)

foof - do I remember that you were going for an interview type thing yesterday? How did it go?

Hope everyone has a better afternoon!

Feel bit better now ice, this is my first period since November and I am hating it. It feels like a real kick in the teeth. Still, hopefully it will pass quickly and we can get on with 'it' and get me duffed up (I'm such an old romantic).

Well I for one am very proud of all your AFs! (hehe) I think I will have sechsy time this month but NOT to get pg, just practice, and really look forward to my first proper AF to tell me my body is back to normal and CAN have a normal menstrual cycle, with ovulation and therefore, make a healthy baby. I don't expect to have another AF, just a mc and then more limbo for some reason ;0)

THANK you for your supports about my whining! Toddler groups are shite anyway (and this one had a singing leader, any instruction to the kids was sung. ) and I didn't realise how pissed off I would be about the pregnancy babble and hugest of huge healthy glowing bumps thrust aroundabout and how offended I would be by the general yuckiness of other people's offspring. I am not normally so sensitive. like you say chuckle it is good for DS because he does enjoy it and it is something different for him to do. ice I so nearly left even without saying goodbye to my friends, but managed to stay put. I looked so glum though no bugger would talk to me :) phew.

DS is having the nap of all naps. I have eaten lots of chocolate and my crisps hurray.

ice I am having stage one of the mc tomorrow, then proper job stage two is on Friday. tues/wed will be still bleeding I expect and tired but cleaning and packing then Thurs - Mon night we are visiting relatives (my new neice! can't wait - the one baby I would like to see!) 7 hours away and going to the wedding and I am going to dance and get shitfaced :) I am liking not having to have my mind on other things, I need to focus on this time as grieving and recovering because two weeks today I am back to work full throttle, and I mean, work, work, work and I am dreading it... but it will be a focus AND by then I might even be close to ovulating! I can't wait to think in terms of creating life, of AF cycles and fertility and creation and progress instead of just fucking carrying death around with me.

and on that note!

remember you are likely to get a bit more shitfaced than you would with the blood loss so take it steady

Am on wifey's mc thread just now, making me feel very emotional at the time and effort that lots of mners took to keep posting with me while I was having mine

yeah is shit for wifey.

yeah am worried about getting drunk really quickly and making a total arse of myself. I will not be doing shots or any shorts, just champers and table wine, I think I will be ok! (hmmm). And I will eat lots! :)

Don't cry! x

Just a quick check in to see how so's getting on, so many stages to this!!! And do be careful with the wine, I had, literally, a few sips the night I was in the throes of MC and nearly passed out!

It is totally shit for wifey at the moment.

Hallo wrigle. erm, I don't think I'll be drinking while mc'ing! Next weekend, a week after the mc I shall though :)

I am in a crappy self-centered apathetic mood. Am fed up of waiting, of being the miscarriage person, of being the ill person people avoid or feel awkward about asking questions to. I am not a sick person or anything, just a bit mardy and no I won't ask you for any help or collapse in tears. I am still ME, just a bit sad.

Hi.
I had a scan fri confirming I had miscarried.
My bleeding has slowed right down now so hopefully it's nearly all over.
Want to get my first AF out of the way and then maybe start trying again. I've been taking pregnacare for ages, stopped the pill last July and started ttc a few months later.

Good luck, hopefully there's lots of bfps to come!

Welcome (if that's the right word for this) Dilly. Hope you get back to ttc as soon as you want.

so you are allowed to be mardy and sad, I am too. I know what you mean about people avoiding talking to you about anything. I took dd1 to orchestra tonight and only one person spoke to me (I normally talk to loads of them).

Foof I keep getting upset reading wifey's mc thread too, but I think it's important to help each other through. I've had so much support on here that I haven't been able to ask for irl.

I've been to the gym tonight, first time in weeks. I feel a bit better for getting more active, so I think I'll go back again tomorrow. I used to aim for 2 gym sessions and a swim per week, so I'm going to aim for that again. I'm doing the couch to 5k training schedule, so should be running 5k in roughly 9 weeks. That's the aim anyway.

welcome dilly, I am sorry about your mc. Do feel free to splurge if you feel shit about it and need a rant OR just get boozy and shag :) I whine a lot at the mo because i have been waiting for my mc to be over for 3 weeks while the others largely listen kindly and are very sane.

jo well done on getting to the gym. the exercise endorphins will improve your mood and your goal sounds ace. I ate too much toast while DS had his tea and so had to knock my run on the head in favour of dress shopping for the wedding (online, not found anything as EVERYTHING seems to be above the knee and for prepubescent waifs) and a wilful avoidance of anything that will make me feel better ;0) DH told me to get out and run but i said meh and mumbled something about fish and chips.

laters yo.

Hi dilly, sorry you are here. It's. A nice place to have a good moan about how shit life id sometimes!
Well done on gym jo. I haven't even left the house today!
Have just spent last hour chatting to friend from uni who is 35 weeks. Am patting myself on the back for being suitability happy and excited for her.
Am using my new smartphone for first time, it just arrived today, its making me feel old and stupid. I have. A feeling when I read this back I am going. To

oooh it is tablet day today. am feeling ambivalent; on the one hand I am really pleased something is being done and am, ahem, concerned about my CM which seems too yellow for my liking (impending infection?! tmi I know) and I have terrible cramping I take hardcore ibuprofen for (so may be starting anyway but...). I have sort of started accepting the situation, have said goodbye to the baby I thought I might have and definitely know that today is not about a baby, just stuff. However, it does sort of have the air of a funeral about it. A sad day nontheless. Friday is the Big Day but today is the start of saying goodbye.

Bought a LOVELY dress for the wedding next weekend which, rather shallowly, has cheered me up but am also quite frightened I will look a frump and get depressed. It is coral with white lace up the top (where I am slim) and is midi length and swishy around the hips (where I am chunky) and colourful enough that I am not hiding but not tooooo colourful :) Gosh the politics of clothes! I have a nice white shrug cardy to go with and a monochrome clutch. New things, new things. i think if I look nice in it I will be able to feel happy and confident and put make up on and horror of horrors feel almost like talking and smiling. Not miscarriage lady. Onwards and upwards? Who knows.

Hope you are all ok ladies.

Hope is goes ok so

Hello everyone. I'm back from hols and I've got rock for everyone (hands rock round).

I've just caught up with the thread - really interested and empathetic with all your stories and experiences. So sorry for those feeling miserable - it's a tough time, but getting through it will make us all stronger. I was encouraged by the 6 month after MC resulting in babies article - it's nice to think it's likely we will all be pg within 6 months. We WILL have babies!

It's nice to be finding out more about you all - lots of teachers! My brother is a teacher, and he has to work really hard - so respect to you guys! I'm a journalist (but not the nasty kind) - I do features and women's stuff.

foof gone but not forgotten list - such a bad bad idea, but I think honestly well intentioned... glad I'm not on it.

cake - many congrats on the bfp - you give us all hope!

I hate toddler groups too, at the best of times let alone with smug pg mums around!

So - thinking of you and hoping all goes well with the MC, I can't believe how patient you've been, and well you are coping considering it's been so drawn out. Dress sounds gorgeous, retail therapy is my therapy of choice . Hope you enjoy the wedding as much as poss - it might be good to take your mind off things & have a few drinks.

I actually had a cool week away, having a lot of family time, enjoying the kids, spending time with DH, remembering what it's like to have a family life rather than just be a stressed exhausted mother of 2 with a DH who works all the hours god sends.

The other 'good' thing is that I got AF at start of holiday which means all is back to normal (physically) and I could have a boozy few days on holiday without worrying. There was a small chance I was pg after dtd around possible ovulation but as I found it hard to not have a drink (and any self control) I was a bit worried I'd have done some damage. So now, clean slate and soon will start with the opks and dtd and 2ww etc, but will be trying not to obsess.

hey boo good to have you back! glad you had a lovely time and ta for the rock :) and hurray for the af. I can't wait to have a BFN (!how funny saying that) and know my cycle is sorting itself out. And I cannot wait for the wedding now. I need to get away for a break, need to be around happy people and can't wait to be frivolous in a dress and heels with a glass of champagne (even if knackered and sat down lol), so much more my scene than this mc shit . Bring. It. On.

Took me tablet and am now on mc watch. God it is glum but DH is being completely marvellous, has managed to get in all my favourite munchies, is looking after DS and has time off work to pander to my every whim and keeps my spirits up being silly and chatting about our jollydays in sept.

hope everyone is ok today.

ta for the rock boo I love sweeties!

Hope. You. Are doing ok so. Pretty dresses and champagne at weekend sound great. Its good to have 'normal' stuff j to look forward. To.

my af has gone from light to floods overnight, not. Nice but more like I expected so I can't complain. Still struggling with phone, will have to get one of my year 10s to show me what to do!

chuckle your smartphone posts are hilarious . With all the random full stops it sounds as if you are completely out of breath! Don't stop though, too funny :)

bugger to your heavy AF x

I agree! Great posts with smart phone.

Chuckle - am relieved to hear that your af has gone mad too. I popped into town yesterday and had my first ever OMG I've bled everywhere type experience. Grim. Particularly with 3 children in tow, the eldest pointing out to all and sundry what was going on...

SO, am glad that you are glad, if you see what I mean. Final chapter now. Posh frock, heels, bag - all essential items, can almost be classified as housekeeping in my books! Champagne, mmmmmm, my fav.

How's everyone else?

super crampy and starting to spot already... am surprised anything is happening this quickly...?

final chapter indeed kate, sorry story this is. but yay for The End.

Glad you can figure out what I am trying to say! You should see the texts I have been sending - you can speak your text into the phone and it types it up for you. I am from Newcastle though and apparently its not programmed to understand my people......

I have felt a bit poo since AF arrived so am having lots of with the apprentice tonight (though I have to watch it late as stupid football is on) and am about to kick of the evening with a nice G&T as DD has just gone to bed

PS Am on a computer now!!

So keeping an eye on here for how things progress with you. Sending lots of hugs vibes.

so I'm glad this is the end for you, you've been a really long time in limbo. Good for your dh keeping your every whim satisfied, he sounds lovely. Your dress really does sound nice and the wedding will be just the thing to get you back on your feet.

boo thanks for the rock. I'm glad you had a good week away enjoying family life, sounds like a lot of fun. I'm glad you got your af and enjoyed some boozy times without the guilt.

chuckle I love your smartphone posts, keep talking geordie at it! I wouldn't trust year 10 to show you what to do though, they'll have you sending rude messages without noticing (or is that only what mine would try?). Heavy af doesn't sound fun. I'm from Newcastle too (not really, I'm from Hexham but I went to school and uni in Newcastle), which part are you from?

ice I've never had an OMG I've bled everywhere moment, but I shall be on the lookout for it now, particularly when I'm out with the kids. I hope you have recovered from your embarrassment now.

I enjoyed going to the gym (this does not sound like me, I normally hate any form of exercise and have to foce myself to do it) so much last night that I went again today on my way home from work. I am really paying for it now though as I ache in every muscle I have. I think I forgot that I haven't done any exercise for nearly 3 months and pushed myself too hard. I think I shall have to demand a back rub from dp. I think I am oving too, which is just over 2 weeks after the mc, shame I have far too uch to do to dtd :( Better get back to writing reports now, still another 18 to do before tomorrow :(

Hello all x

So, I want to say I am glad it's the start of the end for you, but in a nice way, but can't think how to phrase but I am sure you get what I mean (I hope?!) really wishing you an easy one

Had a bit of a mixed day here. MIL sent a picture of Widget's rose bush in it's pretty new pot they bought for it, which was nice but then a bit upsetting too.

Just been for a sauna/steam room/jacuzzi/swim despite still not completely stopping bleeding, well it's more pink CM than anything, I know there's an infection risk (how when it's chlorinated I don't know?!) but it was nice :) and just had an Indian takeaway too - again a bittersweet moment as when pg I couldn't stand the smell of them

Abundant CM of the last two/three days has gone. That sounds pretty much like ovulation to me? Soon find out anyway in about 10 days if I come on. I think we missed the window as not dtd for a few days but not too bothered really.