After m/c - the [wine] and [shagging] thread

[FoofFighter]

Funthatisfunny, booboomonster, madeinchinababy - anyone else who's recently had a BFP sadly followed by a miscarriage - welcome [busmile]

Me - got a shock BFP on 5th March, had early scan at 9 weeks (after I talked to midwife about feeling something was wrong, lost symptoms) on Friday 6th April showing baby had died around 6-7 weeks. Our little Widget left me on Saturday 7th April thread here

I have been wonderfully supported here on Mumsnet but especially by the above people who are sadly going through the same thing right now or waiting to, very special people to be thinking of others at such a sad time for them and their partners.

Although the baby was unplanned and completely unexpected, we want to try. And time is against us as I am 39 in June. So here we are. I'm not sure if we'll wait a period of time or just see what happens but having had secondary infertilty with my now ex husband for 5+years I do NOT want to get het up on BBT, CM checking, OPKS.

So in talking with the lovely ladies we decided that other threads were quite well established and to start a new one based mostly on alcohol and sex

Anyone is welcome, just jump right in :)

Just found this link www.babyexpert.com/get-pregnant/conceiving/vitamins-boost-fertility-and-conception - so am going to carry on taking my Pregnacare and extra folic acid (BMI is 36) and extra Vit D (not prescribed, just taking as have been as near as dammit housebound for a year with a back problem so probably not a bad idea - plus other countries advise much higher doses than the UK does).

Hey everyone, I tried to respond from my phone but after writing my response the connecion went down and I lost heart in trying to write it all again!

Thanks so much for your concern, really did not want to worry anyone but I did want to take time out so as not to bother you with "but I'm not going to the gp". I believe it was a period... and it is ending!!!! Foof re your question about whether we can ovulate while still bleeding, I really think I ovulated three weeks ago, that would have been two weeks after the MC, and two weeks after that I got the suddenly heavier flow, i.e. the resulting period. They do say the first period after an MC can be heavier/longer. (and some women have bled for 3 months )

Now, let's see... foof, goodluck with interviw/trial Monday... why "trial"?

Jodidi, totally get what you wrote about waiting for the bfn and the fantasy hope for it to have been twins and that you still have one, I had that, painful sad stuff.

Sovery, hope getting the tablets tomorrow is ok. I know you want this to finish (and my god do you have everyone's sympathy) but I could imagine that taking them could be a process in itself???? Hope Monday is ok. Let us know how you're getting on.

I was thinking about those planting rose bushes. I was given an olive tree. I think it's lovely and a nice gift, but I'm ambivalent about having it. I'll never forget this baby and the whole experience.. but do I want a reminder? Not sure either way yet.

Re the comments about lifestyle. I've gone mad with alcohol and cigarettes these last many weeks. I'm sure under it all is a desire to hurt myself as much as I hurt emotionally, maybe a desire to show others through my over indulgence that I am stil suffering. I will be embarking on "two weeks on, two weeks off" the cigs and alcohol now as we return to the world of ttc, and I think my body could really do with the rest.

Chellie and chuckle, lovely lovely 2ww, I'm so glad to be reading about folks on 2ww, I really need to see someone from this peer group moving that direction, it reminds me not to think in a stuck way.

As for me, yesterday I think I felt ovultion pains. It doesn't make sense timing wise but it is the wtf period. Anyway, OH refused, I was so angry. He went to sleep and was snoring away and I was just so depressed. We're not the sexiest of couples so dtd is not straight forward. Earlier in the evening he started talking about the pressure on him at the moment at work and everything, and he knew I'd been leading him up to this night for weeks and I felt so isolated from him and rejected. As unplesant as it is, I am DESPERATE to be pregnant again. I feel so stuck. For him it might be just "one more month" but for me each time is a chance to pick up my future self again. He's really lovely, I hate being put out with him.

And on a different note does anyone know how to bookmark these threads so we can find our way back to where we'd last caught up???!!!

Sorry for the lengthy comment!!!!

Yes, in the corner of each post is a little blue square but only visible when you hover over (on lappy not sure if there on mobiles) click that and it saves the where you last were :)

Really glad the bleeding wasn't anything sinister :) feel for you with the dtd-ing, not a problem with my OH but in the past it was a HUGE problem with the ex husband. And there's not really a compromise either!

Hi guys, I wanted to see how you were doing as I have been thinking about you lately. This thread is a great idea, I wish I had been on one like this after my mc in December rather than just wallowing by myself. We were supposed to be able to go to a local remembrance service but the hospital lost my notes so we weren't informed when it was so I never got a proper chance to say goodbye. I really like the rose bush idea Foof.

ice I never knew you could cause yourself to ovulate by having an orgasm!! How often can you ovulate in one month then? Is it worth going for multiple orgasms so we have a better chance?

Foof have fun going out tonight. I'm sitting in my dressing gown, and haven't been dressed all day. I didn't get out of bed til 7pm, I left dp to do everything and just stayed in bed to wallow in feeling rubbish. Dd2 arrived periodically for booby, but then disappeared to play again with daddy.

wrigle I'm glad the bleeding is stopping and doesn't seem to be anything bad. I understand where you are coming from with dtd. We used to have a pretty good sex life before dd2 was born (dd1 was 5 when we got together so we never had the post baby dry spell with her) but she's 2 now and dp still claims to be too tired a lot of the time :(

yay for ending wrigle! hope you didn't feel badgered, we just care is all :) you are most wise and i hadn't really thought about the whole 'taking the tablets' thing. gosh this shit has more twisty turny bits than a twisty turny thing :( I am going to try and get my sick note extended, the pressure from uni is almost knocking on my door and makes me want to hide from the world!

If i take my tabs on mon, mc on tues, what kind of state do you think I'll be in a week after? Will my preggo belly have gone (fucker is getting bigger :() and will my hormones be ok? Will I be tired or ok? have a wedding that weekend and don't know if I can be bothered to find a dress I don't look frumpy in just to cry all day into my gin anyway and depress the shit out of the wedding party can face it.

I LOVE dtd chat :) Agree with wrigle that it makes me look forward with envy hope for 2ww's!

i really want a natural mc... but am so sidetracked by the time it is taking for my body to work out something is up and have a family, and to work and go this wedding. has anyone else had tablets? Am really scared; for example, I would never have an induced labour - am well into doing stuff naturally when it comes to babies and hormones and recovery and ting. hmmmf.

Morning All. I feel like I have missed LOADS - its taken me ages to catch up! We went shopping yesterday and had a lovely wander round then went for nice lunch. Really enjoyed it (apart from seeing trillions of pregnant women!).

So - will be thinking of you tomorrow. I had the tablets for mmc in March - they gave me the first tablet on the thursday (day of scan) then I had to go into hospital on Saturday morning and they gave me a pesary and then 4 hours later some more tablets. I had to stay in hospital until I had passed the 'products' (I hate that term) which happened about 4pm. I was in from 8am till 6pm. I beld very heavily in hospital but then bleeding was very light after that (by the time I got home on Sat night it had settled down). I had very little pain (took 2 paracetamol and couldnt feel a thing after that) and am pretty sure that I have ovulated and am expecting AF end of next week (I was in hospital on the 24th March). I guess its different for everyone but this is my experience - I hope it helps in some way.

Think all of the rosebuses sound like a lovely idea. Maybe when we get round to sorting our garden we will plant something pretty for the little ones...

Hope you had good night out foof , and hope you had good night in jo!

Glad you are well wrigle. I am with you on the desperate to be pregnant again. In the process of getting pregnant last time I pressured my husband a bit to DTD on a day I thought was fertile and he, erm, struggled, and then refused to the night after (I think incase there were problems again). Its a horrible feeling. Obviously I did manage to get pg that cycle but we have it all to come again. I am a couple of years older than him so while he thinks we have all the time in the world and is very relaxed I keep thinking about my eggs getting more and more decrepid!! We took this cycle off but once AF has been and gone I just know my whole life is going to revolve around ttc until I am pg again (even though I will pretend to the world that I am not fussed!)

Anyway - off out while its not raining. Have a good sunday everyone (and apologies for the essay I appear to have just written!)

wtf is a multiple orgasm jo?!

Well our night out wasn't that great it has to be said! I ordered nachos for starter which was poor, basically doritos with a measly bit of cheese and a tiny pot of soured cream and salsa, then main I liked the sound of the oven roasted mediterranean(sp!>) vegetable salad with smoked cheese - was half raw onions, baby corn, carrots (?) peppers and courgettes, with no dressing, a sprinkle of parsely and some cheese grated on top. Didn't eat it, said they should take it off menu as it was a badly thought out idea that doesn't work, but still ended up paying for it! OH had a horrid stomach ache about an hour after eating so we went home early. Will not be going there again! oh and a friend ordered a small pizza, small is not the word, it was like a child sized one!

DTD this afternoon, again sore and tender, anyone have any idea when this will fade please as I think it must be a bit off putting for OH (certainly is for me) to have a scrunched up face hldoing my breath thinking hurry up hurry up!

stuntnun how are you doing lovely? :)

so I will be thinking of you tomorrow, what time are you in? Sending you lots of strength and love xxxx re hormones, I think 2 weeks on I am just about ok.

CM I just won't be telling OH about when I am possibly oving etc, just heading for a steady every 3 days or so all month to cover it.

sovery My belly had pretty much gone the day after the mc. I went from needing maternity trousers on Sunday to wearing normal 'fat' jeans on the Monday and by the end of the week I was back into all my normal clothes, in fact some of them fit better now than they did before cos I'm not eating properly so have lost weight. I don't know if I would want to go to a wedding yet though, but physically I would be able to and I wouldn't feel any fatter than I did before I got pg. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope you find peace whether you decide to go for the tablets or not. I completely understand wanting it to be natural and being scared of taking the tablets, but I think personally I would go for them in your position.

I desperately want to be pg again, but dp doesn't :( I want to be ttc and can't think of anything else, but he has his practical head on and keeps reminding me of all the reasons why another baby is not a good idea (money, space, childcare costs, etc). He accepted that we would cope when it was an accident, but he doesn't want to intentionally put us in the position of 'coping' rather than being comfortable.

I've gone back to crying all the time again :( Dp thinks I should go and see the gp and ask for help in coping, he doesn't want me to go to work again tomorrow. But I only went back to work on Thursday, I feel very guilty already that kids who are doing exams in a few weeks have missed almost a week of lessons with me, so would feel even worse about being off again and leaving them with supply teachers. I agree that I'm not coping very well but I'm not sure I 'should' be coping any better than this after only 2 weeks.

Jo I think it's entirely normal. I had a week and a half of crying all the time and then suddenly a day had passed and I didn't then, 2 days, I cried this morning but only because of a bad dream so not counting that having said that, your hubby knows you and we don't so... maybe agree to go in a week if still feels you should? Do you think maybe part of it is your man's attitude to ttc?
Is he the kind that would maybe need to see facts and figures written down about how you would manage (financially for eg.)

I've lost weight too, about half a stone.

Thanks Foof. I think it's normal too. I don't think I'm ready to move on and be normal again yet, it feels too soon. And yes I do think part of it is his attitude about ttc, I was all set to have a baby and now it looks like I won't be having any more babies ever :( (I did think of seducing random men at the right time of the month but I don't think that's fair on anyone) I don't think facts and figures would help him decide we should ttc, I think they would probably just add fuel to his argument. We could afford another baby but it would be tight and he doesn't want to go back to having no money at all for luxuries just as we're getting to the stage of having a small amount of 'spare' money for things like going out or having holidays etc. We also have quite a small house, it's a 3 bed ex council house, so there would be 2 children having to share a room until dd1 leaves home (another 6 years even if she leaves at 18), which would be fine if we have a girl but less fine if we had a boy.

someone on FB has posted a scan picture of baby due a day before our Widget was due :(

Oh Foof I'm sorry. That must be hard. I don't have any fb friends who are pg atm which I am very grateful for.

Sorry to hear about your rubbish food foof - sounds very disappointing.

Jo you sound pretty normal to me - you have been through a lot, mentally and physically, and I would have found everything much harder to deal with if my DH wasnt keen on carrying on with ttc. I have said this before but you have to think about yourself and your health, that should be your number one prioroty. The kids will be fine whatever you do. If you think you are OK to go in then go in, but if you think you need more time then take it.

Am very jealous that other people have been losing weight....when I have finished my and cheesecake I will think about where I went wrong this week with my health kick.

foof thats a bummer to deal with . I hate fb sometimes.

I'd only just re-activated my account after 9 days abscence after SIL-gate too

Hi all, you guys have been busy! It has taken me a while to catch up.

Foof you have my every sympathy re fb, I would be 29wks now and I have a friend on fb who is 28wks and has that stupid baby app thing that tells you each week how your baby is growing. I am pleased for her but have had to hide her.

jo be careful with work, despite the guilt you naturally feel towards your students, School can be very unforgiving when you're emotional. How do you really feel about going in tomorrow? Also my DH definitely didn't want another, even more so after I mc'd, however, I have either beaten him into submission or he has changed his mind, as we are ttc (I think he's happy about it!!!)

So sending you all the best possible vibes I can, I hope tomorrow hmmm Is as painless and quick as it can be?? Rubbish of me, but I am thinking of you.

As for me, AF has turned up a day early!!! (Witch!!!!) And despite my shouts of I don't want to be pregnant this month, I was gutted. However this is the first month since having my DS that I haven't spotted for a week between periods, so maybe I'm just getting ready for next month!! I feel more like my old self than I have for a long time.

Oh and chuckle you're not alone, I just keep comfort eating so have put on loads of weight!!

There was an article in the British Medical Journal www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c3967.full that said women that conceived less than six months after mc had the best antenatal outcomes. Maybe peeps could use that evidence when persuading the OH.

Yes I've read articles about that link within 6 months too Stuntnun, good to have the actual evidence there though.
Off for a read of it

Evening everyone,

It's late and been an emotional interesting weekend, so I'll keep this brief.

Just wanted to say that I will be thinking of you tomorrow so. I went to my bestest friend's wedding the day I majorly started to mc - was debating with dh right til 1.30 whether I'd cancel. As I had to get up and go skiing at 3am the next day I decided to go and get on with it. I'm so pleased I did go, and I even managed to have a dance with my boys and enjoy that bit. I'd go if I were you - it's something positive to focus on?

jo - I asked mw for clarification about ovulating/orgasm etc. She said orgasm can cause an egg to be released but that egg would have been released later in the cycle anyway - if you see what I mean. I think it may cause an singular earlier release, but not multiple. Sorry to disappoint - still, no reason not to go for the multiple, just in case

We ended up having Saturday night without kids (only 3rd time in 2 years). DH planned a lazy lie-in this morning, which turned into highly-charged, emotional, tearful stand-off chat about to have no. 4 or not. He doesn't. I do. Let battle commence...

I think about you ladies a lot actually, wondering if your days are going like mine. Hope Monday goes well, esp those of you back at work educating. Be strong so.

Night all.

Ice sounds like your dh and my dp are quite similar in that regard. Mine really doesn't want another, but he didn't really want dd2 and I managed to persuade scream and shout and cry till he gave in him that she was a good idea. I am not quite giving up hope that i can do the same again, but this time I have to battle against him actually knowing what it's like to have a baby that cries a lot and doesn't sleep (dd2 was 2 in March and has only recently started sleeping through on a regular basis) I won't give in though, I am seriously considering putting holes in the condoms he buys (I'm half joking)

Argh! I'd logged in and then when I was ready to post it failed and MN said I had to log in again!!!

So, will be thinking of you tomorrow, let us know how you're doing.

Sounds like a lot of us on here have OH's who need convincing for different reasons! We gave it a try today for the first time in months. It was more like a starter's information pack rather than actual sex and we didn't... um... you know, so it's not yet a fx moment. Because of my odd endless bleeding it was hard to know when my period started, but I think it was 11 days ago. Please send miracle dtd vibes so OH comes home tomorrow wanting to! It was good to be back in a trying mode though, feels like another milestone surpassed.

chellie - d*mn that witch! Here's to preparing for the fun in two weeks!

Jodidi I had that thought, about seducing someone, and then giggled when I realised that I'd have to do it every day during fertile period in order to be sure. I do not have that many techniques of seduction at my disposal. I do find though that at fertile periods I pay a lot more attention to the guys helping me in shops and whatnot!

Sleep well ladies.

wrigle that's part of my problem with seducing people too. I a) never go out to meet anyone b) haven't slept with anyone other than my dp for about 9 years (we've been together 6 years but was single and celibate for 3 years before that) and c) I am overweight and frumpy so probably not the best candidate for one night stands (well, not with anyone I wouldn't be severely worried about stds)

I'm sending you dtd vibes.

Thinking of you today so and hoping it goes as smoothly as it can xxxxxxxxx

I'm thinking of you too so. I hope it's not too awful for you.

Today is the day I should have been having my original 12 week scan (even though I should be 14 weeks by now) before I started spotting and they brought my scan forward. I am at work and haven't cried yet, but my head came to talk to me about next years timetable at the exact time my scan should have been. I really, really didn't want to talk about that today. We had all been planning on me not being here next year, which solved an overstaffing problem for the school, so now I'm seen as a bit of an inconvenience :( (I'm sure they don't think of me as an inconvenience, but that's how it feels) They don't know quite what to do with me and are talking about giving me classes in another subject that is understaffed, which I kind of don't mind but kind of do, if that makes sense. At least it's a subject I know stuff about as it was part of my degree (I teach maths but have a degree in maths and computing, so teaching ICT shouldn't be too much of a stretch really) Maybe I should think of it as a new start.